lonelyplanetmoon Posted June 2, 2019 Posted June 2, 2019 Feeling extremely sad and a little lonely. Why do break ups have to be so hard emotionally.
Beachead Posted June 2, 2019 Posted June 2, 2019 (edited) Wow, I’m sorry you had to go through that. If people who do that sort of thing only knew how much damage that causes us. But I truly believe people like that don’t have hearts so they probably wouldn’t care. Yep. Although I mention it here, I honestly don't attempt to try and explain how I feel to anyone in real life anymore, because I can't really find any words to describe how I actually feel. Most people don't get it and don't have the capacity to get it anyway. They can only see as far as they've experienced and only see the person standing in front of them and judge them as is. They don't see the years of struggle behind them. It's not anyone's fault really but I'm over trying to justify myself to them. So I just stay quiet and carry on. Edited June 2, 2019 by Beachead 1
MeadowFlower Posted June 3, 2019 Posted June 3, 2019 If I want to I can keep him in my heart and imagination, for as long as I choose, even for forever.
fieldoflavender Posted June 6, 2019 Posted June 6, 2019 I know why you guys are staying away from love - I am so lost tonight and lately. I self-sabotage when things get real, and I keep thinking back to the hurtful things I did in the past - and I was a better person when I was single again. I don't want to go back to that. But I really like this current guy, but like you guys, my heart is fragile - I've been left so many times during the times when I needed someone the most. I don't think I can handle that level of hurt - and he has significant potential to hurt me because I really like him. I want to believe him when he says a future with us - and maybe I should believe him, but I can't help but not believe him. People have said those words to me - and that did not stop them from breaking their promises and leaving me all alone to deal with the aftermath and heal my broken heart. I feel my heart never truly healed properly. Maybe I'm too broken to love again. Maybe I should just leave it. On top of that, I am potentially going to be long distance soon and that just leads to more anxiety and misunderstandings. I'm even considering going back to counselling to see if it can help this relationship - but then I am asking myself - is it my own problem, or are there too many red flags in this relationship that I would need to go to counselling? I was fine when I was not dating. I had my life back and I was going to the gym. Now I'm volatile mood, unstable and not sure of the future. It's not a great feeling. So why am I still in it? Because obviously there's still the good things right. Nothing is black and white. I just feel so lost. I wish I could see into the future. Nothing is guaranteed these days - that's for sure. Take one day at a time, my friends. Thanks again for being here - it means the world when he and the world would never understand - never. I think sometimes there's parts of yourself that you can never show anyone - not even your significant other. I think I'm going to a breather and stop trying to figure out what's wrong with this relationship - I'm tired.
Beachead Posted June 6, 2019 Posted June 6, 2019 (edited) @fieldoflavender I want to believe him when he says a future with us The one and only way he's going to convince you of that is when he perseveres through the less than ideal circumstances with you. Trust your past experiences. Anyone can say this stuff when they're passionate and infatuated and everything is going well. When he comes off of the high and it's back to the responsibilities of everyday life. When he sees other women he'd have ordinarily found attractive and would have chatted up but realizes he's committed now. When both him and/or you are not at your best and life isn't going too well. ...when he makes the choice to be with you through all of that without finding some excuse to leave, that's when it'll mean something. That's how he'll build your trust, respect and loyalty. And coincidently, that's how you'll have to earn his. Until then, you take his words lightly. On top of that, I am potentially going to be long distance soon Be careful with LDR. What's the reason? Do you have concrete plans to come back or will the relation be long distance indefinitely? Edited June 6, 2019 by Beachead 1
lonelyplanetmoon Posted June 6, 2019 Posted June 6, 2019 I feel so sad that things did not work out. I read the post above by beachead and know they are right. It is the guy who sticks around when things are bad that is worth keeping. I know that I cannot trust my ex to be there for me. That is just the worst feeling. You can’t keep building a life with someone like that. I deserve so much more. Just wish my feelings would not be so messed up about it all.
MeadowFlower Posted June 10, 2019 Posted June 10, 2019 I read a meme just before that said, "I wish I could go back to the day I first met you... and walk right by you without saying a word!" 3
Beachead Posted June 10, 2019 Posted June 10, 2019 (edited) Well, I opened up my IG today to see another friend of mine, engaged. I was happy for him but unhappy for myself. It is what it is. I remind myself and this thread full of great people who are feeling alone, not to pay attention to others. We're all on our own path and things happen when they do. Don't let anyone tell you how to feel about your life. Until then, do what you love and live your truth and try to do some good in the world. Edited June 10, 2019 by Beachead 1
Thomas V. Posted June 11, 2019 Posted June 11, 2019 I'm coming out an eight year relationship where the break up board-sided me out of no where. There was no advanced warning, nothing! From break up to final move out of my house was done in under 14 hours. It was as if the relationship never existed to her! She was a younger woman, so I was always cautious throughout the relationship because of the age difference. Recently she met a man her age, and I simply no longer matter. I feel as if I'm yesterday's newspaper that lines the kitty box. She's left me feeling absolutely worthless. I need some pointers on how to get through this. She left me, leaving me as highly damaged goods. Every day seems surreal and like a bad dream. My head has accepted it's over, but the heart refuses to accept the fact! I'm in a bad place currently and need encouragement and help. I do have therapy scheduled in the future; but that's not until the first week of July! I am also a suffer of PTSD from my military days. And this event has triggered the PTSD to go full-blow.
smellysocksuni Posted June 11, 2019 Posted June 11, 2019 I realise that my self-esteem has been quite low for a while, and with this person in particular, I accepted poor treatment. I tried to see potential where there wasn't any, I overlooked direct warnings from her own mouth, I let her flit in and out of my life because I was so desperate for some crumbs of attention - even from someone as dangerous as her. She even said this herself. That myself and her friend B were the only people that would put up with her s**t. She knows who she is, and what she does to people. Even now, when she's ignored me for months and cut me out of her life for NOTHING, I still found myself dreaming of the day she'd contact me again. Imagine what sort of signal that sends to her?! If I went back after this, wow. I'd be incredibly disappointed in myself. The things she's done - ignored me for months and reappeared, ignored me in person, ignored my messages and never apologised or explained why - anyone else would have walked away from that and never given her the time of day. In fact, I know of several people who HAVE done this with her. Yet I remained some sort of constant, someone she knew she could take adavantage of. I had no backbone, no real assertiveness. After the first break up, I took her into my house again and she received no consequences for the way she treated me during that break up. None. Just waltzed back in. It's really no wonder she became worse and worse with me. That isn't love, that isn't respect in any form. As much as this still hurts - because I REALLY want to see the best in people and believe that deep down she must care - I can't go back. I should never have spoken to her again after the first ever time she insulted me a year ago. There are so many times I should have walked away from her. Despite the fact that this time she's cut me out of her life, and it looks very permanent, I am making a choice never to talk to her again. I won't bother speaking to her at university, and I'm going to be acting as if she doesn't exist. I can imagine that this will now be the time she'll try and come back, as these abusers usually do. But there has to be a cut off point. I cannot keep pursuing someone who shows me constant disrespect.
Beachead Posted June 11, 2019 Posted June 11, 2019 (edited) I'm coming out an eight year relationship where the break up board-sided me out of no where. There was no advanced warning, nothing! From break up to final move out of my house was done in under 14 hours. It was as if the relationship never existed to her! She was a younger woman, so I was always cautious throughout the relationship because of the age difference. Recently she met a man her age, and I simply no longer matter. I feel as if I'm yesterday's newspaper that lines the kitty box. She's left me feeling absolutely worthless. I need some pointers on how to get through this. She left me, leaving me as highly damaged goods. Every day seems surreal and like a bad dream. My head has accepted it's over, but the heart refuses to accept the fact! I'm in a bad place currently and need encouragement and help. I do have therapy scheduled in the future; but that's not until the first week of July! I am also a suffer of PTSD from my military days. And this event has triggered the PTSD to go full-blow. I'm sorry you're going through this my friend. Happy to help but I might need to grab a few details from you so that I can give you an answer that'll work for you. If it's alright to ask, you mind letting me know her age? When did you two break up? Tell me a little bit about your relationship and the events that led to the breakup and then how has it been post breakup with her? What were her reasons for the breakup? Did you notice any changes in her behaviour prior to the breakup such as more fights? If you fought, what kinds of things did she say? Do you two still keep in touch even though you're broken up? Do you have her on social media? Message here or feel free to PM me if you don't feel comfortable dropping details on here. - Beach Edited June 12, 2019 by Beachead 1
Realitysux Posted June 13, 2019 Posted June 13, 2019 I miss liking someone. You know when you have hard days and the possibility of someone else can make you feel excited so your no longer in doubt or scared but determined. I can't be the only one? I miss that. Today was a really difficult day and I just didn't have anyone to call, text, email, no one that could even make me feel better about the day and that's what I miss. You can't just find those people, they come when they come and I hope I find that again. 1
MeadowFlower Posted June 17, 2019 Posted June 17, 2019 Wish I found it easy to articulate my feelings and thoughts.
Rayce Posted June 17, 2019 Posted June 17, 2019 I should be feeling better by now but I'm not. I think I am feeling worst. I feel like I am just existing and my life is not getting better but actually worst.
lonelyplanetmoon Posted June 17, 2019 Posted June 17, 2019 Made it through the weekend! It is a daily battle to not reach out to him. Weekends are hardest bc of all the free time but I kept myself active and busy enough. I dont feel sadness like I did before but a lot of anxious feelings. These feelings are fear of change so I do need to work on them. Learn to accept the things I cannot change. Learn to accept the things I cannot change. Learn to accept the things I cannot change...
Beachead Posted June 17, 2019 Posted June 17, 2019 (edited) Wish I found it easy to articulate my feelings and thoughts. Writing always helps my friend. If you have a notebook, just dedicate it to your thoughts. Don't worry about grammar or spelling. Just write anything that comes to mind. 5-10 minutes each day, maybe 2 or 3 times a day if you want. Your mind will eventually relax and begin to release right into that pen, but it may take time. Once you get good at letting thoughts onto paper, focus them towards any direction you want, and when you get good at that, you can become more concise with your writing. I used to do this and it certainly helped me. Edited June 17, 2019 by Beachead
Beachead Posted June 17, 2019 Posted June 17, 2019 I should be feeling better by now but I'm not. I think I am feeling worst. I feel like I am just existing and my life is not getting better but actually worst. What's up? What's on your mind?
Rayce Posted June 17, 2019 Posted June 17, 2019 What's up? What's on your mind? I have dealt with a mass amount of rejection already this year... I feel like no one wants me around. I find I am excluded from a lot of things because I am single and it really upsets me sometimes. Recently their was a wedding in my social circle but I wasn't invited... it really hurt my feelings. Then it was my b-day this week and I spent it alone. Sometimes if feels like the universe just hates me and no matter what I do it will never be good enough and I will always be alone... I will never know what love is. I am tried of people playing head games with me because I don't think like others and it makes me a target. I am tried of being a target. I am tried of not having any love in my life. I am tried of living in a bubble as if I don't exist and no one sees me. I am just tried.
Rayce Posted June 17, 2019 Posted June 17, 2019 Seriously… I hate my life and I just don't know how to change it. Very few people in my life even care about me... I could name them on one hand. If something happened to me no one would find me for days.. maybe weeks. I was out of work for six months and I didn't get anything done during that time. I was barley able to function and look for another job let alone actually enjoy any of that time off. It was just another one of life's horrible joke it likes to play on me.. I got a new job now... yeah but I think I will be bored in no time at all. Good thing I only have a few years till retirement... but I'm not looking for that.. traveling alone sucks big time and hanging out at home alone sucks big time. I am not having any fun at all.
Rayce Posted June 17, 2019 Posted June 17, 2019 I was at the store today trying some shopping therapy but could hardly deal with that... I was getting so over whelmed with just trying to figure out what I was there for. Shopping isn't even fun anymore.
Beachead Posted June 17, 2019 Posted June 17, 2019 (edited) @Rayce F*ck those people. Seriously. The world is full of people like this. There's no changing how these people are or what they choose to do. You have no control of that. But you can choose how to treat yourself. So start by not allowing yourself to base your value or worth off of the attention they give you. If they're not inviting you out to functions because you're not married, then perhaps what you need to ask yourself is why do you want people like that around you? Are they really your friends? Doesn't seem like it to me. I had people like this around me in the past and I cut them out of my life. It wasn't easy. Took years to admit to myself they were terrible to me and that I needed to walk away. My entire social circle shrunk to a fraction of what it was but, guess what? I survived and atleast I had a few quality people in my life. What helped me deal with the emotions you're feeling (Because I feel the same way sometimes) is I quit paying attention to everybody else and dove into things that I wanted to do. I make music, I teach it, I still learn it. I love working out. I love gardening and learning about nature. These are my things. I am positive you must have something you are good at or you love doing. If you don't feel so, is there something you wanted to try in your life but never got around to it? Edited June 17, 2019 by Beachead
Yokoyan Posted June 17, 2019 Posted June 17, 2019 Today is a bad day . Missing the guy who dumped me 2 months ago because of someone else.
Rayce Posted June 18, 2019 Posted June 18, 2019 Thank you BeacheadÂ… I know your right and most of the time I am ok doing just as you say. I'm very proactive... but it's hard being so upbeat and positive all the time. I have had a really hard time connecting with people around here since I moved here years ago. I have tried many things to try and make friends. People here are friendly to your face but they really want nothing to do with you on a personal level. I was going to move to Florida in January to be closer to my son but he informed me that he didn't want me living within 500 miles of him. It's not just me... it's anyone in his family. He does not want anyone in his family to live by him. I don't want to just up and move away and be totally by myself... I am staying here because of my daughter and my grandkids. The only family I have are my kids and grandkids. I have no help in any area of my life at all... Even when I ask for help I am told no. I'm so overwhelmed with the lack of support and help. My son never comes to visit. My daughter only visits when necessary and she doesn't want me to contact her everyday. She gets all upset at me when I call too much. So I really do feel all alone.
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