Cora Posted May 22, 2019 Posted May 22, 2019 I wasn't open and honest with him. Even if I don't meet to some one's standards, nor meet with their approval, I should still love myself. @Cora, some people do get married later on in life. True, I guess I’ve just had so many failed relationships, unrequited loves and men who have just used me that I’ve just become very bitter. It’s hard for me to ever see anything working out. I suppose having a broken heart over and over again will do that to you.
Beachead Posted May 22, 2019 Posted May 22, 2019 (edited) @Cora Welcome to the club my friend. A place of people who've gone through as many romantic disappointments as you have. Who've also taken that risk and gotten to know someone, gotten attached and gotten those hopes up and then wind up being burned, having to let go and move forward like the whole thing never happened. Where those people who've found success tells you to "Move on" or get back on the horse and keep going like it's just a state of mind. A place where you can no longer accept hope fearing the same damn thing might happen again. We get it Edited May 22, 2019 by Beachead
Cora Posted May 22, 2019 Posted May 22, 2019 @Cora Welcome to the club my friend. A place of people who've gone through as many romantic disappointments as you have. Who've also taken that risk and gotten to know someone, gotten attached and gotten those hopes up and then wind up being burned, having to let go and move forward like the whole thing never happened. Where those people who've found success tells you to "Move on" or get back on the horse and keep going like it's just a state of mind. A place where you can no longer accept hope fearing the same damn thing might happen again. We get it Yeah, I hate that we’ve all had to go through this, but glad we have a place where we can come to vent where we all understand and can relate. Hard to believe I’ve been on and off of here for 10 years. 10 years of ups and downs, broken hearts and crushed dreams. This place has been so helpful for me. Just knowing that everyone here can relate.
fieldoflavender Posted May 24, 2019 Posted May 24, 2019 Yeah I'm kind of in the same moment. I miss the girl I was when a guy told me he would take care of me forever and I believed it. There's a small part of that in me that still wants to and may foolishly still do, but I know the divorce statistics, I know human nature, and when you are sitting somewhere when someone puts a ring on your finger and tells you that they will take care of you forever and then does not even show up for the break-up - I guess it changes perspective just a little bit. It's like the place of no return - how do you trust from there onwards? I'm not expecting to find a guy that I can trust unconditionally - I just find that too dangerous frankly. Sometimes one can only have one level of innocence - and once you've given it away kind of like virginity in a way but more emotionally, you just can't go back. When someone rips your heart out of your chest, how do you come to terms to trust again? I am okay marrying without fully trusting. Because it is the love for myself and to protect myself. I will always remain faithful, be a good partner, and etc. but the trust piece, I don't know. Maybe someone can change that in the future, but actions have to prove it - not just empty words. I've fallen the hardest I've ever fallen for a guy recently - I know it's different. But it scares me as well because I know if this doesn't work out, will I survive? Yes. Will be I incredibly depressed/crushed and shaken? Yes. Is it worth the risk? I don't know. Tread carefully?
Cora Posted May 24, 2019 Posted May 24, 2019 (edited) @fieldoflavender..... I can definitely relate to what you’re saying. I was with him for a very short and blissful 6 months. He did everything right....said all the right words....made me believe he adored me. I trusted him completely and for the first time in my life thought I had found the one. I fell head over heels for him very fast...too fast. That was my mistake. Everything was wonderful until one day he just vanished. Didn’t even have the courtesy of telling me it’s over....no goodbye...nothing. My texts and calls went unanswered. He completely stopped communicating with me. Found out he had moved on with someone new....that he was seeing her as well while we were together. My heart was crushed. That was five years ago and they are still together. I guess it still hurts me because there was no closure. I’ll never understand why he couldn’t face me to let me know it’s over. I never got to ask him why face to face. It’s as if those six months meant nothing to him....I meant nothing to him. So yeah, I don’t know if it’s worth the risk. But you shouldn’t listen to me as I’ve become very bitter. I guess if you don’t take a risk and put yourself out there then you’ll never know if the next person could be the one. So maybe keep an open heart. Just guard it very carefully until he proves to you he can be trusted. Don’t close yourself off completely from love. Just be cautious. I hope it works out for you and you find your happiness you deserve. Edited May 24, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 1
Beachead Posted May 24, 2019 Posted May 24, 2019 (edited) @Cora @FieldofLavender All that cloud 9 passionate emotion we feel in the beginning fades. What's left will be the real stuff of everyday life. Crappy bosses. Unsatisfying job and figuring out career plans. Paying the bills. Juggling social life, family and relationships. Health concerns. Personal demons. Can they still be with you when you start you start being you again? Keeping that in mind, remember connection takes time to build. They need to prove themselves. - Beach Edited May 24, 2019 by Beachead 2
MeadowFlower Posted May 24, 2019 Posted May 24, 2019 @fieldoflavender, at least you have someone who is actually interested in you. But yes still, take it slow as you are well aware. Don't get attached or invested too some. Ha. Easier said than done. Give it the time test. But also don't throw this connection away. 1
fieldoflavender Posted May 25, 2019 Posted May 25, 2019 Thanks you guys are the absolute best - I could not have made it through the last 2 years without you guys =) That's the thing, I know what it's like to be deserted by lovers, so I feel like friends - both virtual and in real life, are worth so much to me. No way I'm dumping them just because of a relationship. I've learned through the years. I think some space is good. In between all the crazy love in the beginning, now I'm getting a bit more grounded. 2
Beachead Posted May 25, 2019 Posted May 25, 2019 @FieldofLavender Glad we've been of assistance . It's good to a place to talk it all out. You'll be alright. 1
Beachead Posted May 26, 2019 Posted May 26, 2019 (edited) @fieldoflavender..... I can definitely relate to what you’re saying. I was with him for a very short and blissful 6 months. He did everything right....said all the right words....made me believe he adored me. I trusted him completely and for the first time in my life thought I had found the one. I fell head over heels for him very fast...too fast. That was my mistake. Everything was wonderful until one day he just vanished. Didn’t even have the courtesy of telling me it’s over....no goodbye...nothing. My texts and calls went unanswered. He completely stopped communicating with me. Found out he had moved on with someone new....that he was seeing her as well while we were together. My heart was crushed. That was five years ago and they are still together. I guess it still hurts me because there was no closure. I’ll never understand why he couldn’t face me to let me know it’s over. I never got to ask him why face to face. It’s as if those six months meant nothing to him....I meant nothing to him. 5 years.. what a simple choice can do to a person. His choice to leave you like that made such a impact on you (Understandably so). I know how you feel. The bitterness. The aversion to hope. I look at the people I meet and can't help but see a threat to my well-being. Can't blame myself for arriving to that state when opening up to people is what led to this state of mind in the first place. When a person looks you in the eyes and tells you they love you, goes running back to the ex-boyfriend, erases your existence out of their life and eventually marries the guy..like fieldoflavender said, it changes your perspective a bit. Wasn't the first time either. All I know is, right now, I'm not willing to risk going through something similar again. Edited May 26, 2019 by Beachead 1
MeadowFlower Posted May 26, 2019 Posted May 26, 2019 Don't let things take your happiness or contentment away from you. 1
Cora Posted May 26, 2019 Posted May 26, 2019 @Beachead Yeah, I should be over him by now. We were only together 6 months afterall. I’m over him in the sense that I don’t want him back. How could I after the way he hurt me. Everytime I think of him I’m reminded of the pain he caused. I guess the pain is still there because of a combination of things. The main thing being I never got any closure from him. It’s also hard because he’s moved in with the girl he left me for and they live less than 5 minutes from my place. It all makes sense now though looking back. All those nights he was late coming over to my place for dinner. He worked nights and slept during the day. His excuse was always that he overslept and I stupidly believed him. The whole time he was probably at her place or out on a date with her while I’m at home trying to keep the dinner warm I cooked for him. I’m not looking to go through that pain again anytime soon either. That’s why I refuse to date right now or maybe ever. Sometimes I do crave that companionship though. Especially now that I’ve been around family all week. I have been on vacation with the family and my brother brought his girlfriend. They just celebrated their one year anniversary. Seeing them together and all these other couples makes me miss having a partner. I’ve also just realized after all these years I’ve never brought a guy I was seeing home to meet my family. And it’s because my relationships never last. I’ve always figured why bother when tomorrow, next month or next year we probably will no longer be together. The hurt and the pain of the aftermath just isn’t worth the temporary happiness that a relationship brings.
MeadowFlower Posted May 26, 2019 Posted May 26, 2019 It all makes sense now though looking back. All those nights he was late coming over to my place for dinner. He worked nights and slept during the day. His excuse was always that he overslept and I stupidly believed him. The whole time he was probably at her place or out on a date with her while I’m at home trying to keep the dinner warm I cooked for him. What a jerk grr !!
fieldoflavender Posted May 27, 2019 Posted May 27, 2019 I am still scared he's kind of selfish deep at the core. We've been physical and it's getting to me. I know it's incredibly stupid to give someone the power over me like that. I'm making a serious effort to cool myself down, get back to my own routine and try to see it for what it is - and not just for what it could be.
Beachead Posted May 27, 2019 Posted May 27, 2019 (edited) I’m not looking to go through that pain again anytime soon either. That’s why I refuse to date right now or maybe ever. Sometimes I do crave that companionship though. Especially now that I’ve been around family all week. I have been on vacation with the family and my brother brought his girlfriend. They just celebrated their one year anniversary. Seeing them together and all these other couples makes me miss having a partner. I’ve also just realized after all these years I’ve never brought a guy I was seeing home to meet my family. And it’s because my relationships never last. I’ve always figured why bother when tomorrow, next month or next year we probably will no longer be together. The hurt and the pain of the aftermath just isn’t worth the temporary happiness that a relationship brings. I never got to that point either. My ex had planned for me to meet her sister and she was going to meet my family a few days later. Funny thing was she was the one pushing for it. I wanted to take it slow and pace it out. But those last few weeks, things really gained momentum. "I love you. I really want you to meet my sister and then my parents. Listen, I'm serious about this etc." I wanted to believe her but the truth was I had been burned badly in the past, by similar so it wasn't processing all of that. Still, I started to let myself believe her and just as I did, things went downhill. So, I never met her sister and she never met my family. We ended up breaking up the day she was supposed to. And then she got back together with the other guy about 2 days after. I went through a lot of other things around that time and the 6 months following it and I had to get through all of it alone..while her and her ex-boyfriend, turned fiance, turned husband lived out their fairy tale. Yes, I moved passed it. Yes I accepted it was over. I did learn to smile again, I got back to focusing on me. But the anger I felt towards it, never really went away. So i get it. Edited June 3, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator quote edited
Iamyoungjuan Posted May 28, 2019 Posted May 28, 2019 These last few days has been heard for me I barely got through these last couple days I wanted to reach out to her so bad but I knew that wasn’t gone go well I’m on day 6 of no contact I really do love my ex wife and miss her like crazy but I’m at the point where I just wanna do whatever I can to heal if she come back it will be her decision But I’m only focus on trying to get over her it’s been 7 months and I’m still in love with her smh
MeadowFlower Posted May 31, 2019 Posted May 31, 2019 The feelings you get from songs or a movie that reminds you of ex stuff... :-( 1
MeadowFlower Posted June 1, 2019 Posted June 1, 2019 Someone who will accept me and like me etc, without having to know everything.
Cora Posted June 2, 2019 Posted June 2, 2019 I never got to that point either. My ex had planned for me to meet her sister and she was going to meet my family a few days later. Funny thing was she was the one pushing for it. I wanted to take it slow and pace it out. But those last few weeks, things really gained momentum. "I love you. I really want you to meet my sister and then my parents. Listen, I'm serious about this etc." I wanted to believe her but the truth was I had been burned badly in the past, by similar so it wasn't processing all of that. Still, I started to let myself believe her and just as I did, things went downhill. So, I never met her sister and she never met my family. We ended up breaking up the day she was supposed to. And then she got back together with the other guy about 2 days after. I went through a lot of other things around that time and the 6 months following it and I had to get through all of it alone..while her and her ex-boyfriend, turned fiance, turned husband lived out their fairy tale. Yes, I moved passed it. Yes I accepted it was over. I did learn to smile again, I got back to focusing on me. But the anger I felt towards it, never really went away. So i get it. Wow, I’m sorry you had to go through that. If people who do that sort of thing only knew how much damage that causes us. But I truly believe people like that don’t have hearts so they probably wouldn’t care.
fieldoflavender Posted June 2, 2019 Posted June 2, 2019 I feel the previous damage is making me have trust issues. But it's hard to tell if it's a red flag or it's just my own trust issues. Well the honeymoon phase is done. Now it's the real stuff, no idea how this will end. But all I know if it means I have to give my entire heart - probably not going to happen - not worth the pain and heartbreak if someone else decides to trample on my heart.
chillii Posted June 2, 2019 Posted June 2, 2019 The feelings you get from songs or a movie that reminds you of ex stuff... :-( Even worse your two most fav songs of all time that were also our two most fav songs of all time which also spelt our story out to a T. That l can never play again.
smellysocksuni Posted June 2, 2019 Posted June 2, 2019 (edited) I guess heartbreak happens to everyone, no-one's immune. Just part of life, I suppose. It does get to a point where you just want something to work out, though. Lol. The only comfort I can take from this situation is that she has BPD, and often people with BPD do push away those they love with extreme self-sabotage, so I suppose she must have loved me at one point. And at least it isn't something I've done, or some way I've failed in the relationship (although I'm not perfect), it's just that intimacy was too much for her. Edited June 2, 2019 by smellysocksuni
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