Beachead Posted March 28, 2019 Posted March 28, 2019 @Realitysux Cats couldn't care any less Also I replied on your thread. Hope it finds you well. Stay strong tonight. - Beach
Realitysux Posted March 28, 2019 Posted March 28, 2019 @Realitysux Cats couldn't care any less Also I replied on your thread. Hope it finds you well. Stay strong tonight. - Beach Thank you! Yes do try too and let me know how it goes.
MeadowFlower Posted March 28, 2019 Posted March 28, 2019 @Realitysux Cats couldn't care any less - Beach Objection your honor! How dare you speak ill of felines.
fieldoflavender Posted March 28, 2019 Posted March 28, 2019 Well okay I've never done that - be in with someone so deep then completely just be like "done" but on a smaller scale, I have been very interested, and then decide, nope, can't do it. But like after one date. But I mean hey someone proposed to me and then ended it less than a month so I would say that counts too. I mean I just have learned not to have real expectations for people. IF I ever marry I expect a 50% + divorce rate. Protect your assets? Don't give it your all? The problem right now - people left now are so damaged or so not ready for relationships or not interested in me. Blah.
MeadowFlower Posted March 28, 2019 Posted March 28, 2019 (edited) IF I ever marry I expect a 50% + divorce rate. That sucks. You should go into it expecting it to be forever. Edited March 28, 2019 by MeadowFlower
Realitysux Posted March 28, 2019 Posted March 28, 2019 (edited) Objection your honor! How dare you speak ill of felines. I am pretty sure my cat, who I have had since a kitten, who is treasured and loved by both me and my son, who is well fed, clean litter, lots of toys, bed in every room, chair in the office, doesn't give a rat's ass if I am having a bad day. She will meow at me for tuna, wet food (always leave dry down), but never wants to snuggle. She gets annoyed if you try! Edited March 28, 2019 by Realitysux
Beachead Posted March 28, 2019 Posted March 28, 2019 Objection your honor! How dare you speak ill of felines. Objection noted! Let me retract my statement. Some cats couldn't care at all . But nonetheless, I love them and all animals in general. @Realitysux Ever thought about a dog?
Sad26 Posted March 30, 2019 Posted March 30, 2019 I seem to be having ups and down while going through all of this. It was just few hours ago when I felt I could still smile, and forget everything when I was drinking with mates. Now I woke up in the middle of night with a heavy heart. Feels that sadness has permeated every ounce of my body. I wish I could cry and that would make me feel good but I have no tears. Also I realise that drinking is good to numb yourself. Nothing hurts when I am drunk. I don't blame anyone except me for putting myself into situations like this. Probably I am a weak person that's why even knowing there is no good end I don't stop and not surprisingly result is same as I expected.
MeadowFlower Posted March 30, 2019 Posted March 30, 2019 It's not in the words, it's in the actions. The final verdict is shown when they left.
MeadowFlower Posted April 1, 2019 Posted April 1, 2019 The first person to pm me can marry me. Happy April Fool's ya'll. Disclaimer: The opening statement is not true. 1
Beachead Posted April 2, 2019 Posted April 2, 2019 (edited) Hope everyone's staying strong out there. @Meadowflower I responded back to your PM. I apologize for the time it took. - Beach Edited April 2, 2019 by Beachead
nolanola Posted April 2, 2019 Posted April 2, 2019 Ugh. The first really down day I've had in a long while. I had been really doing well and feeling so much better. Then today, I start to feel back to that very small feeling. I'm not sure small is the right word. It's kind of like a combination of feeling foolish, sad, ashamed, angry, and used. If that makes sense. And it's also a feeling of not measuring up. I will likely be seeing my ex again in about 3 weeks. For the first time in about 5 months (will be about 6 months by the time I see him). I'm filled with dread about it and worry that he will look at me and feel sorry for me or something. I tried to maintain my dignity in the end, but I did tell him that he hurt me. For some reason, that makes me feel really small - like now he knows that he hurt me he's sitting there laughing about it and feeling sorry for poor pitiful me. God, I'm in a slump today. I even went and bought some new things to wear for when I see him. I want to try to look my best. One of the last times that I saw him, he said to me that I was "so pretty". I must confess that I want him to see me and think that way about me again rather than as the sad person that told him how he hurt me. Ugh, the worst.
Beachead Posted April 3, 2019 Posted April 3, 2019 (edited) @nolanola Hey, if you go through this thread, you'll see many different posters in the past, who hurt back then, just like you. Many who hurt just like you now. We're all in this mudhole together. Me included. It's a daily work-in progress. And yes, you might be well for months thinking you've finally conquered this hill only to be set back by some kind of trigger. It triggers because you're still healing. Our egos always want to put a deadline on these things because admitting we're hurting over someone who made a conscious choice to leave us, makes us feel small. But that doesn't change the fact that they did mean something..and now it's absent. Don't be ashamed of your feelings. It's supposed to hurt and you will heal when you heal. That being said, is there anyway you can avoid seeing him? - Beach Edited April 3, 2019 by Beachead
fieldoflavender Posted April 3, 2019 Posted April 3, 2019 I'm just really really mad I wasted some of the best opportune years of my life as women have a biological clock on a useless guy who I did not end up spending my future with, and that's so much lost opportunity and so many lost years that I will never ever get back and all I have from it are emotional scars and bad memories and PTSD from a long term relationship and someone treating me badly and lying to me. Meh! Yes you live and learn, but I really could have done without all that waste of time and life.
nolanola Posted April 3, 2019 Posted April 3, 2019 @nolanola Hey, if you go through this thread, you'll see many different posters in the past, who hurt back then, just like you. Many who hurt just like you now. We're all in this mudhole together. Me included. It's a daily work-in progress. And yes, you might be well for months thinking you've finally conquered this hill only to be set back by some kind of trigger. It triggers because you're still healing. Our egos always want to put a deadline on these things because admitting we're hurting over someone who made a conscious choice to leave us, makes us feel small. But that doesn't change the fact that they did mean something..and now it's absent. Don't be ashamed of your feelings. It's supposed to hurt and you will heal when you heal. That being said, is there anyway you can avoid seeing him? - Beach Thanks Beach, I always appreciate your posts. I just had a really down day yesterday. Part of it is about my ex but my Dad is also sick and battling cancer right now and it is extremely scary and overwhelming for me. I think that is adding a lot of extra stuff on there. I do think that overall I'm doing better and better. I used to have these kinds of days several times a week and now I'm having them once every few weeks. So that has got to be a good thing. I'm just trying to accept that when I feel down, it's just that: a feeling. It isn't a fact. I do have a tendency to go from a place of "I feel sad" to thinking of all the awful things that are going to happen. Believing that feeling somehow makes the next thoughts easier to believe, even if I have no rational basis for that. And often, the awful things that I think are going to happen never come to pass. Unfortunately, there is no way to completely avoid my ex on our trip, but I am working with my therapist to devise ways that I can be loving towards myself when I do have to see him. I don't want to make him the focus on my entire time, so if I can just try to be friendly but distant I think that is best. Working on that.
Realitysux Posted April 3, 2019 Posted April 3, 2019 I don't know if I am content being single (I think I am), or that I've been single for so long that with no one to impress, have let myself go and become so lazy with myself. I'm pushing myself out of it with better food choices, some dance classes (if I can find a platonic partner), and the gym when I can. I have no desire to attract a man but I do want friendships as I like socialising.
Beachead Posted April 3, 2019 Posted April 3, 2019 (edited) Thanks Beach, I always appreciate your posts. I just had a really down day yesterday. Part of it is about my ex but my Dad is also sick and battling cancer right now and it is extremely scary and overwhelming for me. I think that is adding a lot of extra stuff on there. I do think that overall I'm doing better and better. I used to have these kinds of days several times a week and now I'm having them once every few weeks. So that has got to be a good thing. I'm just trying to accept that when I feel down, it's just that: a feeling. It isn't a fact. I do have a tendency to go from a place of "I feel sad" to thinking of all the awful things that are going to happen. Believing that feeling somehow makes the next thoughts easier to believe, even if I have no rational basis for that. And often, the awful things that I think are going to happen never come to pass. Unfortunately, there is no way to completely avoid my ex on our trip, but I am working with my therapist to devise ways that I can be loving towards myself when I do have to see him. I don't want to make him the focus on my entire time, so if I can just try to be friendly but distant I think that is best. Working on that. Thank you Nolanola, much appreciated. What I bolded there is a good sign. That's actually the form in which progress comes in, and as time continues on, you'll experience continue progress in that direction. Do you ever notice how when you go through those bad spells, you eventually come out feeling better? Even if you're not completely happy..you just feel clearer, lighter. That's something to note for when or if you feel hopeless during the rough times. Sure it might come back again, but it doesn't last. I think the answers lie somewhere in learning how to let it be. Learning how to work through it and learning how to use it to make choices that make us feel good about ourself. Like that feeling you get when you help someone who truly needed it and you can just see the joy on their face or realize they get to do what they're doing because you had a hand in it. It makes you feel good. Or the kind of joy you feel from working your butt off and accomplishing something that was hard earned, as a direct result of that hard work. These are personal things that generate good feelings about ourselves. Nobody can give that to us or take it away because it's self-made. It's invaluable. That's what you need. To remind yourself you're worth something. On that journey, you'll continue to experience new things and continue to meet new people. If you choose a life your soul needs, then it's likely you'll choose situations where you feel more of a belonging. You'll choose people that may have more in common with you where it counts such as your values, goals, direction in life as well. You may start to feel better and hopeful and might end up finding this man having less of an impact on you. Not to mention when you feel good, you exude good vibes which people pick up on and gravitate towards because they're attracted to that..one of them just may stick around. Pain is a part of us. Reminds us we're human. It's a driver and if we use it right, it can even help build us. Happiness isn't the only necessary emotion in life. All the "negative" ones our society tends to look down on such as anger, sadness etc. all have their role. - Beach Edited April 3, 2019 by Beachead
divegrl Posted April 4, 2019 Posted April 4, 2019 Sometimes I wonder what is real and what is unseen. The chaos. The peace. And the vastness of our experience. 2
Beachead Posted April 5, 2019 Posted April 5, 2019 (edited) I'm just really really mad I wasted some of the best opportune years of my life as women have a biological clock on a useless guy who I did not end up spending my future with, and that's so much lost opportunity and so many lost years that I will never ever get back and all I have from it are emotional scars and bad memories and PTSD from a long term relationship and someone treating me badly and lying to me. Meh! Yes you live and learn, but I really could have done without all that waste of time and life. I think we have accept that the damage is done and we can't turn the clock back. We're stuck with it now. Now, we have to take those scars and figure out how we want to spend the rest of our life. Edited April 5, 2019 by Beachead 1
MeadowFlower Posted April 7, 2019 Posted April 7, 2019 An ex (dumper) is someone who chooses to dismiss you from their life, for forever.
Osho Posted April 8, 2019 Posted April 8, 2019 I have been distracted for some time now with work and cars for my twin girls. Today was the first day I had with no calls or kids. Seems to be that I’m doing fabulous in every area but when it comes to being with myself. At lease I brought it to my own attention.
MeadowFlower Posted April 8, 2019 Posted April 8, 2019 Be to yourself what you want others to be to you. You want a loyal person? Be loyal to yourself. You want a friend? Be a friend to yourself. You want to be liked? Like and accept yourself. 2
Cora Posted April 13, 2019 Posted April 13, 2019 I’ve realized that I’ve become comfortable in my own little shell. The thought of dating or putting myself out there frightens me. I’ve considered for several months now putting up a profile again on an online dating site, but I just can’t bring myself to do it. A voice inside me says “do you really want to risk going through all that pain and heartache again just because you’re lonely? You’ve finally healed after all this time and now you want to be taken back to square one?” A guy that I’ve known for awhile asked me out several weeks ago, but I didn’t follow up with him and I’m kind of glad he wasn’t persistent about it because that would have meant I would have to step out of my comfort zone. It’s funny how dating used to be so fun and exciting when I was in my twenties, but after being burned time after time you come to dread it in a way. And maybe it’s not healthy, but I have no desire to be social. I’ve become much more introverted over the past year or so. I’ve just become so comfortable not being with anyone. Maybe it doesn’t make sense, but while I desire a partner to share this life with, I dread getting close to anyone. The fear overpowers any desire I may have. I wonder if it will be this way forever? I wonder if even I do get the courage to meet and get to know someone, will he just end up hurting me like all the rest? Is it really worth the chance? It’s like with each heartbreak a piece of my soul gets chipped away. And what happens when there is nothing left? Do you just become this bitter unpleasant person to be around? I don’t want that, but I feel that’s the path I’m headed. I just can’t bring myself out of this funk.
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