Beachead Posted February 14, 2019 Posted February 14, 2019 Heartbreak warriors, Valentines Day candy goes on sale tomorrow. Take advantage of it. - Beach 1
Osho Posted February 15, 2019 Posted February 15, 2019 Over the past five year I’ve been on and off with someone I never realized was incredibly bad for me. I was completely oblivious because of how amazing we were when we’re around each other. But there were A lot of head games. Long story short she caused a lot of damage and revealed things about me I never noticed. Triggered a lot of self growth. But today of all days would be our anniversary. I’m not usually one to spend money for short term gratification and avoidance. But I figure with all I’ve gone through in the past ten years I deserve it. So... I was at my stores distributor and purchased a healthy amount of Mavic Pro’s and ended up keeping four for me and each of my kids. And tonight I finally got a chance to take it flying and it was well worth it! DJI for the win today!
MeadowFlower Posted February 16, 2019 Posted February 16, 2019 (edited) You missed out on going to the falls, not that you even care one speck. You're with someone else, maybe enjoying her company, sharing yourself with her, connecting emotionally with her (unlike with me), developing deeper feelings for her. You would've liked to go on the rock slide, but who gives a ***k what you like. Edited February 16, 2019 by MeadowFlower 1
Cora Posted February 16, 2019 Posted February 16, 2019 Funny how someone you were with for such a short time can leave such an imprint on your life. Funny how they move on with their lives...happy with another. All the while you are left picking up the pieces. Funny how even years later you still think about them while they don’t even remember you exist...like you never mattered at all. Life is funny that way I guess...
Beachead Posted February 16, 2019 Posted February 16, 2019 (edited) Funny how someone you were with for such a short time can leave such an imprint on your life. Funny how they move on with their lives...happy with another. All the while you are left picking up the pieces. Funny how even years later you still think about them while they don’t even remember you exist...like you never mattered at all. Life is funny that way I guess... Makes you wonder what it was they actually felt doesn't it? I think sometimes, we can't process these things because we're not capable of it . Edited February 16, 2019 by Beachead
Rayce Posted February 16, 2019 Posted February 16, 2019 Actually today I am feeling completely utterly shattered. This week has been super hard being snowed in for almost 2 weeks. I am so glad today I can make it to the gym I am really feeling it! I haven't been sleeping and been having lots of nightmares. Digging deep into my sub... that's the problem with seeing a lost love 40 years after fact... I got lots of childhood trauma tons buried so deep I am not sure what really happened. I feel so trauma bond with my ex its very weird...he wasn't the abuser but a victim. We did go to the same private school in grade school and he to all boy high school and me to the all girl high school. I was gaslighted all of my childhood by parents with extreme cases of narcissism one actually dx with it. I even had Uncle who my mom let practice his hypnosis on me to help suppress all those horrible things that gave me nightmares in my sleep. I think those nightmares are back. Glad I can get to the gym today... think I'll go shopping and treat myself to something special and buy some of the 1/2 chocolate on sale. Peace 2
MeadowFlower Posted February 17, 2019 Posted February 17, 2019 If someone doesn't want you, there's nothing you can do to change that.
MeadowFlower Posted February 17, 2019 Posted February 17, 2019 Don't allow the ex to steal your smile.
Cora Posted February 17, 2019 Posted February 17, 2019 Makes you wonder what it was they actually felt doesn't it? I think sometimes, we can't process these things because we're not capable of it . Yes, exactly! I’m now convinced he was just using me until someone better came along....which they did. And that’s why he simply disappeared without a goodbye. I was simply a toy to him that he just threw aside when he was done with it. Only heartless people do things like that. All the signs were there. Funny how I was blinded by them then. My brother met him and even he said he was playing me, but would I listen? No, I was too stubborn.....wanting to make it work no matter the cost. I’d even make excuses for him. God I was so blind and naive. I’ve seen pictures of him and the woman he left me for.....pictures of them and her two kids. They look so happy. The kids adore him. They’ve been together for about 4 years now and seem to be still going strong. Just bought a new house together and recently moved in. Funny how he seems to adore her and treat her so well while he treated me so ****ty. I guess he just finally found his person. Found what he was looking for. And just like that life goes on...
MeadowFlower Posted February 18, 2019 Posted February 18, 2019 If nothing else, when you do NC you keep some dignity and self worth. 1
Beachead Posted February 18, 2019 Posted February 18, 2019 Yes, exactly! I’m now convinced he was just using me until someone better came along....which they did. And that’s why he simply disappeared without a goodbye. I was simply a toy to him that he just threw aside when he was done with it. Only heartless people do things like that. All the signs were there. Funny how I was blinded by them then. My brother met him and even he said he was playing me, but would I listen? No, I was too stubborn.....wanting to make it work no matter the cost. I’d even make excuses for him. God I was so blind and naive. I’ve seen pictures of him and the woman he left me for.....pictures of them and her two kids. They look so happy. The kids adore him. They’ve been together for about 4 years now and seem to be still going strong. Just bought a new house together and recently moved in. Funny how he seems to adore her and treat her so well while he treated me so ****ty. I guess he just finally found his person. Found what he was looking for. And just like that life goes on... I know. He is afforded the luxury in life of meeting someone better for him which allowed him to just move on. Meanwhile, you are left with memories you once loved but now haunt you along with the burden of trying to make peace with the embarrassment and humiliation this man caused you. You loved him and he broke your heart. 1
Cora Posted February 18, 2019 Posted February 18, 2019 I know. He is afforded the luxury in life of meeting someone better for him which allowed him to just move on. Meanwhile, you are left with memories you once loved but now haunt you along with the burden of trying to make peace with the embarrassment and humiliation this man caused you. You loved him and he broke your heart. You seem to understand so perfectly. Of course, all of us here, though our stories may not be exactly the same, we are all left with one common denominator....a broken heart. I think the part that eats away at me the most right now is the embarrasment. How I must of looked like such a fool to him. If I could go back in time I’d do so much differently. I would have opened my eyes more to all the signs I missed. And I wouldn’t have allowed myself to be used like that. I wouldn’t have made excuses for him. I would have ended it long before he just disappeared. But hindsight is 20/20. As silly as it may sound I sometimes have these scenarios play in my head where he’s telling his current girlfriend about how naive and gullible I was to actually think that he loved or even cared about me and then them both having a big laugh about it. And then I think to myself that that’s crazy because I most likely didn’t mean anything to him to be worth talking and laughing over. Funny how our minds work huh? April 2015 was the last time I saw him. I remember it just like it was yesterday. He was at my place, we had our usual dinner, watched a movie, played a game of scrabble then went to bed. The next morning he kissed me on the forehead, said goodbye and told me “I’ll see you later.” And just like that he disappeared. Never seen or heard from him again. When he left my place that morning he probably went straight to see her. It’s gotten easier over the years. I no longer think about him all the time or cry over him. I just wonder when the time will come when he will no longer cross my mind at all. I look forward to that day.
MeadowFlower Posted February 19, 2019 Posted February 19, 2019 I haven't had it happen to me, but it sucks when someone leaves their spouse, after like years of being together. It is an awful thing. Suckkkkks.
MeadowFlower Posted February 19, 2019 Posted February 19, 2019 Even if you let go just a little, it's a step in the right direction and an achievement. 2
Sarah_Smiles Posted February 19, 2019 Posted February 19, 2019 Goodwill Ambassador..I like it . I know how you feel. ....... Grateful for this community because at least there's people who understand. - Beach Thank you, Beachead I had a major setback Oh wells, right. Depression is much worse, hoping as winter passes so will this feeling in me. I still have friends who tell me things, even though I no longer ask, and that hurts me, I have several unopened emails sent to me on two different accounts from them that I refuse to open because no truths will be found within and I sick of liars. To me all he is to me is destruction. I hate I gave up friends, family, a pet, school and relatively happy existence for him, and not only did he give up nothing he never offered anything other than a ring with no follow up. When I left the ring, if he wanted to try to be better and do right by me he could approach me and visit me in my country with that ring, he never did because he had another always in wings, scared to be without a person with hearts in eyes and found out he gave my ring to very next girl, saw pics and she has my ring on her finger. Hurtful. What does that action say about him? I asked him if we cannot fix this please do not give my ring to another woman, buy the next a new ring, either sell mine for the cash or give that ring to one of his niece or nephews when older, or even his own kids if he has any in the future - he agreed. Liar. Sorry, about your ex, do you feel you were a seat warmer of sorts for her regarding that ex? Do you know if her relationship with him lives on? You have a positive take on it at least, good for you. I have some nice memories but the time I lost with ones here and having some died when back home, makes me think I made the wrong choice ever. Is good we both took chances but would be nice if things could also go our ways now, right. Ever think - when is it my turn to be happy relationship wise? Least you lend support to others and give back through your own pain, that should be rewarded I hope. Thank you.
MeadowFlower Posted February 24, 2019 Posted February 24, 2019 Don't even express that you like me if it isn't going to last.
David33 Posted February 25, 2019 Posted February 25, 2019 The sadness finally hit me a couple days ago. Pending divorce, she moved out 2 months ago. I know I'm in the grieving stage and I'm staying physically active but I'm finding that except for work, my mind freezes. Most of the hobbies that I loved to do just days ago seem so distant. I'll be seeking out counseling. 1
MeadowFlower Posted February 25, 2019 Posted February 25, 2019 Turn your back on your ex, proverbially.
MeadowFlower Posted February 26, 2019 Posted February 26, 2019 Don't worry if people don't understand you.
Beachead Posted February 28, 2019 Posted February 28, 2019 (edited) Thank you, Beachead I had a major setback Oh wells, right. Depression is much worse, hoping as winter passes so will this feeling in me. Hi Sarah_Smiles, I know how you feel. I know the hate an the anger the helplessness. They got married last year and moved far away. At hings weren't going well with her relationship at the time. They had been on a break for some time when I came into the picture. I don't know how long. But she was certainly tired of him. Jumped to me out of anger towards him. She was definitely open to something new and was pushing for it. My alarms admittedly went off because of the ex situation but I just told myself everyone has baggage by this point in their life so screw it, and I let it go because I wanted to see what would happen. We had good times but I can now see that what we shared was really just a part that helped advance their story. To help them rekindle their love and grow stronger. And in all honesty, I wished for a long time, it would fall apart. That's how it goes. You cry. You hate. You replay all the bad and the good over and over again trying to make sense of it. Everyone tells you to move on but you don't care. You're grieving. After enough time passes, you just get so sick and tired of it. You realize you're just frozen in time while the world goes ahead and moves on without you. In the end, it's only you that suffers. Nobody else. Not even the ex. You. Your relationships, your job, your studies, your physical health, mental..everything. You just have to let the pain make a nice, comfy, place to stay in your mind and let yourself feel it..but don't completely give up on your life either. Keep living it. Keep going to the gym. Keep meeting new people. Keep advancing in your career and your studies. Keep trying new things. Keep growing. All the merit that hard work brings will pay dividends to your future and you're going to thank yourself for it. You have to have faith in the future. You have to stay positive and goal oriented. You have to real with yourself. You can't do it alone..you need support. Last but not least, you have to learn how to lose and let go gracefully..and I think that's the most important thing I ever learned. It's not easy at all but if you're able to do that..your life will change. And yes I do wonder when I might have a chance at a nice relationship that can actually last but those thoughts are just not something I can afford to dwell on anymore. It used to be everything to me but making your life about being with someone is a dangerous game to play. Especially when you don't have much control over the past they've had, who they surround themselves with, the choices they make, how they think or feel or react to things. There are a lot of variables there. You can only be the best you you can be with them and the rest depends on them so there is a very real possibility of things never materializing because there's of that variable. My solution was to embrace that possible reality of never meeting anyone in my life so that I could crush the fear of being alone and find meaning in my life outside of being someone's partner. Otherwise, if it doesn't happen, you'll be looking to suicide as I did back then. But that's just me and this is the way I think. I hope you're hanging in there. - Beach Edited March 1, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 2
MeadowFlower Posted February 28, 2019 Posted February 28, 2019 ... find meaning in my life outside of being someone's partner. This is good. ^ 1
David33 Posted February 28, 2019 Posted February 28, 2019 Saw a doctor yesterday about anxiety. Turns out, I have it and have probably had it for some time. I kept busy to keep it in check. The last few weeks it has been rainy and cold so I haven't been exercising as much and the anxiety bubbled up. Dr. prescribed meds, first time in my life I have had to take something like that. It sucks and I don't want to but I need to sleep and get back to the things I enjoyed just a couple weeks ago.
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