fieldoflavender Posted February 7, 2019 Posted February 7, 2019 Strangely I feel so much better after this break-up. And in a way it felt so good because I can rid of my guilt since he broke up with me and I don't need to feel guilty. I don't have to fake wanting to be friends, and all that b..s that I would have to if I was the one who broke up. I just want him out of my life. I'm already succeeding in that. Maybe this is what happens to us after many many break-ups? Where we just don't care in the end? I suddenly have lost all feelings for him - and don't really care about his feelings. And I feel so justified since I was the dumpee (well sort of - I've been talking to him for 3 weeks about compatibility issues and finally he pulled the trigger likely related to Valentine's Day). Usually I feel bad as the dumpee - but this time, I feel good! Free to be mean and do whatever I want if I don't feel like being fake. I told him I don't care about keeping his gift and I want us not be friends. 1
Beachead Posted February 8, 2019 Posted February 8, 2019 (edited) It sounds like you are still hurt by the break up am I correct? Do you know why you are still hurting 18 months post break up? I am 1 year post break up and it's still hurting for me. Everyday, I am scared and fear that I won’t ever be able to say that “I’ve recovered”. Do you think that it's possible to forever remain unhealed? This is the way I look at it. All our wins and losses, and all the things we gain and lose in life, change us over a time because we experience, we learn, we gain wisdom and insight, we make adjustments. Don't expect to return to who you were. It's not going to happen because back then, you didn't know what you know now. Everything you gain as you go through life, you apply to yourself and that changes you. Whether for the better or worse, we don't know. All you can do is make the choices you feel are best for you given everything you know and do the best you can to execute them. Even if your best means lying down on your bed sometimes, feeling sick of life. Forgive yourself for your shortcomings and show patience. Make sure your goals are things you really want to accomplish in your life. Not the things you think you should be doing..but things you are passionate about. Keep the longterm and midterm goals in mind but focus on the ones you've made daily. One step each today amounts to a great distance in one year. And while life goes, learn to find joy in the little things. A cup of coffee, a warm shower etc. Edited February 8, 2019 by Beachead 1
MeadowFlower Posted February 9, 2019 Posted February 9, 2019 I could pretend he didn't exist and that he doesn't exist. 1
fieldoflavender Posted February 9, 2019 Posted February 9, 2019 Yes you should MeadowFlower! Argh I'm so lonely and annoyed I'm single. I could care less about the ex - I Realize the only reason I held on was because I hate being single and swiping again. I know I'm not completely happy single. I'm trying to fill it up with hobbies, etc. My friends are busy etc as well. I'm going on a trip soon so it should be good. I'm just having a lot of trouble finding people who fulfill the criteria I want.
Rayce Posted February 9, 2019 Posted February 9, 2019 I am in the same boat. I hate OLD but I am tried of being alone. Now that I lost my job too... the loneliness is even worst. It's exhausting… searching for love and searching for a job all at the same time. lol...
MeadowFlower Posted February 9, 2019 Posted February 9, 2019 If he didn't and doesn't exist, it would mean he didn't say the things he said at the time of breakup, he didn't dump me, and, he doesn't have feelings for someone else, etc.
fieldoflavender Posted February 9, 2019 Posted February 9, 2019 Aw Rayce, good luck with both. And MeadowFlower, keep thinking that way. Honestly must forget people who don't care. Online dating just sucks SO bad. I'm considering those elite dating services, but they seem more of a scam than anything. 2
MeadowFlower Posted February 10, 2019 Posted February 10, 2019 Just read a meme that said, "I still miss my ex but my aim is getting better!".
Rayce Posted February 10, 2019 Posted February 10, 2019 Just read a meme that said, "I still miss my ex but my aim is getting better!". lol that made me laugh MeadowFlower. I've been waking up the last three nights arguing with my ex in my sleep. I get up... I stomp around the house and yell at him... then I can go back to sleep. 1
fieldoflavender Posted February 10, 2019 Posted February 10, 2019 My most recent ex won't let me finish this stupid break up! I just want to be done with him but he won't let me return his stuff to him and I always end up having to donate it because they become avoidant/ghosting when it's their fault that they left stuff with me. I offered to mail it back, but he's avoiding me now. He wanted to meet up a month later and HE was the one who broke up with me!! What is wrong with people?! Whatever, not letting him have power over me. Already dealt with this with previous ex and I gave him a month last time. Not giving this dude this long - all he literally has to do is give me an address and ME being the SUPER nice person I am offered to mail his stuff back to him which is NOT a lot of stuff. And he is still being passive aggressive about it. WHY!? Okay not going to get riled up because this is obviously mind games. I just want to be done with this relationship and fully move on. So unhealthy behaviour, good riddance.
Beachead Posted February 10, 2019 Posted February 10, 2019 (edited) My most recent ex won't let me finish this stupid break up! <snip> If he doesn't want to pick the stuff up by now even after you have offered, it obviously isn't a priority to him so who cares. I would give it away and be done with it without replying. If not that, then mail it to him without waiting on his confirmation. But don't stick around, letting him think it's okay to contact the person who's heart he broke. Don't continue to engage. It's what he wants because he wants you on the hook, with your mind on him, until he meets someone new, and drops you like a bad habit. Then it's heartbreak city all over again. So long as you engage, he's going to continue trample over your boundaries. You need to look out for you right now and unfortunately, that means being twice as strong and finishing the breakup because sometimes, dumpers are too weak to finish the job themselves. As if being broken up with isn't bad enough eh? - Beach Edited February 11, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Truncate quote and add paragraphs 1
fieldoflavender Posted February 10, 2019 Posted February 10, 2019 Thanks Beach, yeah seriously it's the lack of maturity that really bugs me. I think he does want me to be a clutch - he was all like "let's be friends". Um how about let's not. But in a way, it's good this way - I am rid of any guilt. The problem is I don't have an address to mail to, but I'm hoping he will come around eventually meh. Lol I can see why you don't want to be in relationships - the aftermath just creates more work emotionally and functionally. Now I have to go after work and go to a postage office and pay like $20-30 to mail stuff that I never even wanted it in the first place. At least thankfully I wasn't too emotionally invested this time. Sometimes it's annoying how much your past catches up with you. I found 2 things my old ex's gave me from my parents' basement today. Goodbye and good riddance to both. One of them is from 6 years ew. I really hate how this stuff never seems to disappear. Ever once a year or few months, you end up finding random things and it trigger stuff in you all over again.
MeadowFlower Posted February 11, 2019 Posted February 11, 2019 fieldoflavender, you could just say to him to give me the address by the end of the day or you'll be getting rid of the stuff.
MeadowFlower Posted February 11, 2019 Posted February 11, 2019 Let's all do this thing where we meet someone, spend time together, become friends; then they cut us out of their life, and we never hear from them again. And then let's do it all over again with someone else. Sounds like a good plan hey. 1
Borntoelevate Posted February 11, 2019 Posted February 11, 2019 This is the way I look at it..... And while life goes, learn to find joy in the little things. A cup of coffee, a warm shower etc. It’s the discomfort and the heart felt pain that I wish were not there, but then I question whether I could be as motivated to do the things I am currently doing if I didn’t have the pain. I agree that we adopt the lessons we learn first hand to become better people, which is why I strongly believe in having varied experiences in life, the high points and the low points, to forge and shape us into entities better able to achieve what we have invisioned for ourselves as happiness. I think, therefore, it is important to be humble and have a malleable personality so that lessons can be quickly acquired and implemented as efficiently as possible. Having a huge ego, is dangerous in that many lessons will be dismissed and may, in the end, never be learned. I wish I could compare myself to how I was previously (during the relationship), because whilst I know I have learnt new things, I am not able to know how I truly am now unless the environment/situation I was in previously, replicates itself in the present day (ie. I relive my life 2 years ago). There are too many variables to accurately (and safely) conclude that I am a new man and will not create the same hurt again to a new partner. I’ve concluded that the only time I will be able to conclusively say I have changed is when I am in a new relationship with a girl that I truly can see a future with, love and enjoy being with. Until that day, I will always be unsure and, insecure, about whether I have really evolved from the break up. The last couple of days have seen trouble sleep for me. I’ve been dreaming about her (my ex) more (not sure why). I have her blocked on Facebook, but I find myself consistently, looking at my Facebook block list to see her profile picture (and to find out if she has changed her picture to one with her new partner). I am currently seeing a girl, 8 years younger than me. From what I can see, she’s fond of me (organizes activities for us, likes to sleep over, pouts when I don’t show affection, follows a lot of the activities I do – gym, dieting, shopping, seems eager to call us ‘boyfriend/girlfriend’, tags me on Facebook posts). What I’ve found though, is my desire for sex with her is low and this frustrates her and she has made her feel insecure. I don’t believe it’s a lack of physical attraction (we had sex more often initially), but perhaps a falling sense of emotional attraction? I find myself now, 1 year post break up, in a mindset of still feeling pain and longing for her, but also feeling encouraged by what I now have, having been able to survive 1 year of pain (with numerous times of wanting to commit suicide) and excited about the new possibilities that I previously thought were not possible. I am still trialing and erroring my way through to recovery at the moment (this is the hardest break up I’ve been through), I know that, despite how frustrating the process is, it’s all I have to move forward anyway. I wish there was a clear path, but I’ve found that everyone has their unique way of moving forward.
MeadowFlower Posted February 13, 2019 Posted February 13, 2019 (edited) Tomorrow was the day he was going to come to my city. On the 9th Jan he said he couldn't wait to see me, he also said that same day that he was getting really excited to see me again. On the 20/21 Jan, it was over. About 12 days later. Edited February 13, 2019 by MeadowFlower
lolita888 Posted February 13, 2019 Posted February 13, 2019 It still hurts like hell. I still kept crying. I thought I was over it but whenever I think of what you have done and how much of a fool I am I still can't believe that I really believed him. Everytime I remember how he says that you couldn't wait to be with me, to spend the rest of your life with me and all those promises you gave me. I still feel like crying, I really really want to talk to him and ask him those things until I get a proper explanation: "How can you say those things to me? How can you lie like that to me? why did you have to lie like that? You have no heart, you have no conscience. I never asked you make those promises. " But in the end I still couldn't. The more time passes by, the more I realized his lies that I used to ignore. Still what hurts the most was when I remember how he showed me a picture of their family and when I asked "is that your wife" (the woman next to him) he said "EX and no that's not her, that's my sister" then showed me another pic of them together and she's so pretty so I said "your sister is very pretty" and then he said "yes she is. thank you" It's so painful to think he was playing that time. How? Why? He's so scary. But it really hurts to know that I was looking like a fool the whole time.
Rayce Posted February 13, 2019 Posted February 13, 2019 Today I am really missing my ex and with V day it's really hard not to just break NC. I have actually been feeling really sad this week... and angry. Being snowed in and not being able to go to the gym really hasn't helped. I've no cable anymore to save some money and all the music on just reminds me of my ex. I am getting ready hiking out to a workshop at the unemployment office and then to my date a few blocks away and either hike home or take a cab... so at least today is ok... but tomorrow... secretly I am hoping my date turns out to be my ex... crazy... yeah I am far from being over it... so I am going to just have to fake it!
Beachead Posted February 13, 2019 Posted February 13, 2019 Hope everyone here remains strong and in NC for Valentines day. It's a great day for couples but a trigger for those who carry wounds and scars from heartbreak. Stay off of social media for the next few days. Let all the Valentines day posts and updates clear out. - Beach 1
MeadowFlower Posted February 13, 2019 Posted February 13, 2019 Hope everyone here remains strong and in NC for Valentines day. It's a great day for couples but a trigger for those who carry wounds and scars from heartbreak. Stay off of social media for the next few days. Let all the Valentines day posts and updates clear out. - Beach Have a good day Beech 1
Borntoelevate Posted February 14, 2019 Posted February 14, 2019 Hope everyone here remains strong and in NC for Valentines day. It's a great day for couples but a trigger for those who carry wounds and scars from heartbreak. Stay off of social media for the next few days. Let all the Valentines day posts and updates clear out. - Beach It hurts but used to it now :/.
fieldoflavender Posted February 14, 2019 Posted February 14, 2019 It's okay guys it's just Valentine's Day. I'm just annoyed because I had to spend 2 different trips returning the stupid crap I bought the most recent ex for V-day since we broke up and then I had to send his stupid crap back to him including his gift for me for my birthday. Then he's like - oh thanks, let's hang out. Um how about not - ever heard of let's just leave each other alone? It's so commercialized anyways. I'm going to watch a movie tomorrow meh. Chin up guys, who even cares about those stupid ex's or losers. We are all better than that. I could care zero about the recent ex but feel disgusted I was with him for as long as I was and thought it could go anywhere. Ick.
fieldoflavender Posted February 14, 2019 Posted February 14, 2019 (edited) -duplicate Edited February 14, 2019 by fieldoflavender
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