gcp Posted January 4, 2019 Posted January 4, 2019 It has been 42 days since she left me for her ex, the one she told my so many horrible things about, things no man would say or do to any person, let alone the woman they "love". I'm doing better, I still think about her a lot, but what bothers me the most is how I feel about myself. She left me for what most would call a terrible person... so what does that make me. She saw him as her better option. I feel inadequate and embarrassed. When I see mutual friends I just feel like they're looking at me like I'm the broken one, or as if they feel pity for me, which is the worst. I know my self worth isn't based on her opinion but when everyone and i mean EVERYONE knows how messed up their relationship was and she goes back to it, its hard not to think something is severely wrong with yourself. Today was just an especially bad day, just needed to vent.
Morello Posted January 4, 2019 Posted January 4, 2019 I know it doesn't feel that way when it happens with us, but when a partner leaves us to get back to an abusive relationship, it's showing they have very complex issues to sort out. Broken seeks broken. It's not that he's better than you, it's just that he's more suitable to what she's looking for. People who go back to abusive relationships are not mentally healthy. THe fact she's going back to it tells much more about her than about you.
Beachead Posted January 5, 2019 Posted January 5, 2019 (edited) @GCP You could have been boyfriend of the year my friend, but it wouldn't have changed anything because the problems here are within her. You can't fix her. She has to fix her. She is likely unaware of how her baggage is affecting her day to day life and is probably unwilling to deal with it anyway. Her ex also has deep rooted problems. They return to eachother not out of love, but out of weakness..co-dependance. They don't know what else to do with themselves and are both too afraid and too weak to pursue the unknown which is what is best for them. They would instead rather return to what is familiar and comfortable..even if it is a toxic relationship. You can be quite certain, they'll be unhappy in it. This is bigger than you. You'll see that with time - Beach Edited January 5, 2019 by Beachead
gcp Posted January 5, 2019 Posted January 5, 2019 @GCP You could have been boyfriend of the year my friend, but it wouldn't have changed anything because the problems here are within her. You can't fix her. She has to fix her. She is likely unaware of how her baggage is affecting her day to day life and is probably unwilling to deal with it anyway. Her ex also has deep rooted problems. They return to eachother not out of love, but out of weakness..co-dependance. They don't know what else to do with themselves and are both too afraid and too weak to pursue the unknown which is what is best for them. They would instead rather return to what is familiar and comfortable..even if it is a toxic relationship. You can be quite certain, they'll be unhappy in it. This is bigger than you. You'll see that with time - Beach Thank you Beach and Thank you Morello. I know in time I will be just fine, but dang it this stuff sucks. Better to let my insecurities and thoughts out here than to her or my friends/family, so thank you for listening and not judging. I feel like I was a very good man to her, and I thought she was finally getting over him, but she relapsed...again. You're right, shes on her own journey now. I am proud of myself for staying NC, but I am a little upset at myself for the last email I sent her a few days after the breakup. I was pretty harsh to put it lightly. But I can't stand being lied to and broken up over a freaking text message, I deserved more than a cowards way out by her.
Beachead Posted January 5, 2019 Posted January 5, 2019 (edited) Thank you Beach and Thank you Morello. I know in time I will be just fine, but dang it this stuff sucks. Better to let my insecurities and thoughts out here than to her or my friends/family, so thank you for listening and not judging. I feel like I was a very good man to her, and I thought she was finally getting over him, but she relapsed...again. You're right, shes on her own journey now. I am proud of myself for staying NC, but I am a little upset at myself for the last email I sent her a few days after the breakup. I was pretty harsh to put it lightly. But I can't stand being lied to and broken up over a freaking text message, I deserved more than a cowards way out by her. You did what you felt you needed to do in that time and you would have felt like you would have regretted it had you not. She hurt you. You were expressing your hurt. In hindsight, our vision is 20/20. Yes, it would have been better to say nothing, wish her well, and not talk to her again..but we are human aren't we. Forgive yourself it. There was someone I cared for a few years ago. She went off to med school around this time of the year and it was overseas so we had to do a long distance thing. She was supposed to come back in April. Looking back now, I understand everything and I am okay but at the time, it was the most painful thing I ever went through. She became more and more distant as the weeks went by. I tried to talk about things, asked her on a few occasions if she thought breaking up was best but she said no. I gave her space. Did everything I could do for 3 months and it completely wore me out. The night before the day she was supposed to come back home, she ended it with me via Whatsapp. She could have waited a day and we could have finished it in-person or atleast by call. I would have respected her for it even though it would have been initially painful. But..it was by message. So cowardly. So weak. At the time, it made me feel worthless. And being that I had gone through so much before her, it really broke me. All the patience, understanding and just love in general I had shown..I felt disregarded and worthless. That I wasn't even good enough to have a proper end with her. I was disgusted by who she was for a long time. Took a long time to forgive. The process was slow. It's always slow. You'll work through it. So I understand. Keep talking it out on here like you have. It's a good move for you. - Beach Edited January 5, 2019 by Beachead
Hollywood-Tourist Posted January 6, 2019 Posted January 6, 2019 Still devastated but this forum is helping seriously convince me that my girlfriend is a flaky waste of space.
Borntoelevate Posted January 6, 2019 Posted January 6, 2019 Peace Borntoelevate… I myself have been waking up the last few days with extreme anger... going back and forth from burst of crying to burst of anger. I totally understand how low you feel and actually tried a suicide attempt when I was a teenager... the very 1st time my heart was broke... over 40 years ago. Since then my heart has been broke many times over and a few times I felt those pangs of not being able to go on... but somehow I manage to over come and so will you. Call the suicide help line the people on the other end are there to listen and help you through the crisis... May Christ grant you mercy and show you his loving grace. Peace Hope you feel better Rayce. Much love.
emeraldgreen Posted January 10, 2019 Posted January 10, 2019 Coping so badly today. I've had an hour sleep and I can't stop sobbing like a girl, like guttural crying from every inch of my heart. I just want this day to end. I can't handle this pain anymore.
TheBetterPerson Posted January 10, 2019 Posted January 10, 2019 Coping so badly today. I've had an hour sleep and I can't stop sobbing like a girl, like guttural crying from every inch of my heart. I just want this day to end. I can't handle this pain anymore. I hope you can get some sleep, sometimes your body gets tired from all the crying and you eventually sleep, remember to drink loads of water. I totally know how you feel, its really really hard but just keep going, come on here and speak about it and it should help you through this process. xx 1
Rayce Posted January 11, 2019 Posted January 11, 2019 Hope you feel better Rayce. Much love. Thank you. I am feeling much better today. I hope you are too.
maybejune Posted January 11, 2019 Posted January 11, 2019 I have been very busy lately, trying to settle down in new city. I visited several places in short time, and today, the shared home has a very cute guy. I haven't found anyone cute for a long time. so that's interesting. I probably won't go with a shared home, I'm so used to my own place. I will just remember that I do find new guys interesting.
Sarah_Smiles Posted January 12, 2019 Posted January 12, 2019 Not great but it could just be because I am tired, overly so, drank some and need to pass out and stop thinking for awhile. Also, feel undervalued by all around me( all ) not imagined either.. and that takes a toll recognizing that day in and day out. Not even ex related, more other people related, and family. Not sure why I thought after the new year it would be easier, better. Delusional? Hopeful?
xweeverx Posted January 12, 2019 Posted January 12, 2019 Mornings seem to be the worst time of day for me. During the day I process feelings, try to stay busy, and usually fall asleep mentally/emotionally exhausted. And for that brief period of sleep I get some peace and relief from the stressful, anxious, sick feeling I have in my stomach all the hours I am awake. Then, your eyes open, and you realize where you are and what's happening in your life, and that initial moment of the day is just the worst.
Beachead Posted January 13, 2019 Posted January 13, 2019 (edited) Been getting lot of triggers lately. Reminds me that even though it doesn't feel as apparent anymore, I still grieve. Edited January 13, 2019 by Beachead
Borntoelevate Posted January 13, 2019 Posted January 13, 2019 Hope you feel better Beached. Reach out if you’re feeling lonely.
Tigglesworth Posted January 14, 2019 Posted January 14, 2019 I still want her to just contact me. A text message. She hasn't texted me in a week. I feel so hurt, its been 44 days since BU. Trying to put on new music (old music will just remind me of her). Convince me that her not responding to me is the best thing she could do for me. It is all I want, and I know it would just hurt me / bring on more questions I would have for her..
Rayce Posted January 14, 2019 Posted January 14, 2019 (edited) wow... I am spending a lot of time here. I'd rather be making music videos but my creativity feels lost at the moment. Edited January 14, 2019 by Rayce
fieldoflavender Posted January 15, 2019 Posted January 15, 2019 I have yet to break up but I feel like it's coming. I know I should have probably ended but I am a bit scared of the aftermath. Part of me still hopes current guy can live up to my expectations, but I'm losing hope after what happened. I think I need to start mentally prepare myself for the break-up again. Break up #3 in 2 years. I don't know how many more I can take sigh.
gcp Posted January 15, 2019 Posted January 15, 2019 Almost 7 weeks no contact and for some reason today is really crushing me. I feel heart broken all over again. At work, can't focus, just feel like a zombie. I want so bad to write her, to clear the air. I feel that our lack of intimacy after the miscarriage lead her back to her ex. I want so bad to tell her that honestly I was grieving and sex was literally the last thing on my mind. I was heart broken for her, for myself, for the baby... everything. And that I tried to talk to her about it but the communication on her end just wasn't there. She chose to grieve alone, I on the other hand needed her to be there for me too. I want to let her know that we all have insecurities, I saw hers and accepted them. They are part of her and I loved her, all of her. I feel as though she saw mine and they were a deal breaker. I also want to tell her while I am not happy how she ended things, I accept it. I deserved more than a text message break up, but whats done is done and I do not hate her, just wish she had handled it different.
smellysocksuni Posted January 16, 2019 Posted January 16, 2019 Today was the first day we went back to university after the winter break, and she ignored and avoided not only me, but pretty much everyone in class. When I got home, I decided to email her. I told her that it felt quite awkward and difficult to have to avoid each other at such an extreme, and would we be able to become friends, or try and sort things out, maybe. She replied, telling me that the break up had hurt her and that she needs time before we can try and be friends. We then spoke about our connection, and I was surprised to hear her say that it was a shame things ended like that, as we had a great connection. She doesn't usually speak about things like that, and is often blunt. I suppose, the main thing is that, during the three weeks off, I was able to emotionally detach slightly, as I wasn't seeing her anywhere. However, today, after seeing her, I felt everything again. I don't know if, now that we've spoken more, she'll perhaps gradually begin to engage with me in person. I don't know. What this did do is just reignite all the feelings. I don't really know how to handle the feelings I'm feeling - of wanting to be around her, speak to her, just for us to be close again. I feel as if I'm just going to have to let the feelings stay, because I've tried a lot to get rid of them, and they haven't gone.
maybejune Posted January 16, 2019 Posted January 16, 2019 When I was extremely busy, I was too tired to think about close relationship. When I have one night to relax , I opened the apps, and read people's posts about their relationship issues and intimate experience on Reddit, suddenly I realized I have the need to fill , of course I started to replay my past relationships and felt sad and lonely. Probably still a good idea to avoid those stories . I need a break, a real break and not think about it at all. Ah, when I was looking for shared apartment, I turned off a great one, because the flatmate will have her bf visiting her every other weekend. I figured I would not feel normal but try to escape from them in that weekends. Being busy is also good for breaking my old destructive habits, such as watching too much YouTube videos, endless TV and Movie time , and sitting at home. I walked a lot this month, and talked to more people than I expected, I let my frustration out by telling people it's difficult to settle down in a new city ... I'm alone, but not entirely closed up . I'm so tired now.... Zzz
fieldoflavender Posted January 18, 2019 Posted January 18, 2019 Do you guys ever miss your ex (the one that had the most meaning and you miss the most despite ****ty things they did) during a new break-up? Tonight is hard. I knew this break-up was coming but it's still hard. It's not pleasant.
Rayce Posted January 18, 2019 Posted January 18, 2019 So the guy that I am calling my ex here is someone that I have always missed over the years usually a song on the radio or sometimes it was just a warm breeze... We missed the opportunity to have a relationship when we were teenagers. I have always missed him and I think I always will... As for breakups... I have only 4 serious relationships in my life. The guys that I actually had a relationship with I don't miss them at all... not one bit. I dumped them in all those cases because they were abusive men.
Ruby Slippers Posted January 18, 2019 Posted January 18, 2019 Do you guys ever miss your ex (the one that had the most meaning and you miss the most despite ****ty things they did) during a new break-up? Tonight is hard. I knew this break-up was coming but it's still hard. It's not pleasant. Hi there. I replied in your financial incompatibility thread, as I'm in a similar situation. After a few breaks, this morning I broke up with him. It is hard, because we clicked so well in every other area except this one. But in the end, he accused me of "only caring about money," which is ridiculous, and immature. I think we're both doing the right thing. Nobody wants to have money without love - but love without money/smart financial planning isn't much better. It sounds like you and I are both pretty smart about money and planning for a solid future. It doesn't make sense to let anyone counteract that, especially a life partner. I've been working hard and sacrificing for years to get to where I am, and I'm not about to let anybody interfere with that or drag me down. 1
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