How are you coping today?

[Sarah_Smiles]

Christmas is hell for us dumpees. It want to punch a Father Christmas when I see one. Cheerful bastards.

 

Made worse that my ex has said how much she’s looking forward to it (I’m in post dumped limbo being strung). Like no cares in the world. A “and you’re not invited mate”.

 

Hi, Twizzlestick. Yeppers. The amount of fake smiling I have to do is getting tiring this week. I cannot even speak to friends or family on it because I get the get - over- it -already, geesh! Just because they can move on quickly and get under or on top of another doesn't mean others are the same. Your ex if dumped you shouldn't be telling you how happy she is for the holiday when you both are not celebrating it together anymore, kinda harsh.

Thank you for commenting, gave you a like! Hope you feel better and end up having a nice Christmas despite the breakup with your partner.

[Rayce]

9 months now and I am still thinking of her. I've always thought of myself as a good person, or at least not so bad to the extent that I have this extended pain. If God truly exists, why does he let the pain continue? Am I really that bad a person?

 

It's only day 9 nc for me... I just woke up and was temped to reach out my lost love... but I logged on here instead. I just spent some time with God asking some of the same questions and then I remember what this season is about... for me anyways... The birth of Jesus Christ... He is My HOPE! My LOVE! My SAVIOR! God has a plan and his plan doesn't mean that life will be wonderful and free of trials and tribulation. I saw a meme recently that reminded me of the difference between the will of God and the will of man. It was God's will that Christ died on the cross for our sins. It was God's will that his disciples spend their lives in prison or die horrible deaths. It was God's will that the people of Egypt wander the desert for 40 years before finding the promise land. Some of those people never saw the promised land. Although I may never find love that is shared between a man and a woman I am lucky to have the love of my family and friends. They believe I am a good person so I am going to hold on to that... I am betting your family and friends think the same about you... so hold onto that and trust that God does have a plan. Send you loving thoughts today.

[Twizzlestick]

Hi, Twizzlestick. Yeppers. The amount of fake smiling I have to do is getting tiring this week. I cannot even speak to friends or family on it because I get the get - over- it -already, geesh! Just because they can move on quickly and get under or on top of another doesn't mean others are the same. Your ex if dumped you shouldn't be telling you how happy she is for the holiday when you both are not celebrating it together anymore, kinda harsh.

Thank you for commenting, gave you a like! Hope you feel better and end up having a nice Christmas despite the breakup with your partner.

 

Thanks Sarah . Liked back too for such a warm comment, much appreciated.

 

I know, people turn into ugly cartoon versions during a breakup. They can act amazingly obtuse. It’s all control and manipulation. Even if subconscious. I know most of it’s not ill intended. But it’s not great to be on the end of.

 

Sorry to hear your friends and family are so unable to identify with what you’re dealing with?! That’s not nice to hear those things. I think pinch of salt. A lot of folk put on a front about things, what they’re really like in such situations quite different! No one’s made of wood lol.

 

Hope you are able to have a lovely Christmas too

[Borntoelevate]

It has almost been a year now and I am still wrapped up in this break up. I’ve tried everything I can and I am still like this. I am afraid of suicide because I don’t know if I will succeed and turn out worse if I fail, but seeing as nothing else has worked, I feel I need to sure up more guaranteed solutions.

 

I think I have enough things accumulated to finish myself off (a cocktail of drugs) but as I said, I am afraid. Everyone says “never give up/don’t quit” but they don’t know how it feels each morning to wake up feeling the dread/hopelessness again and again. It’s emotional ground hog day and never changes, ever, regardless of what I do.

 

With Christmas approaching, I am feeling loner than ever, especially knowing she’s with someone else and having fun, not even thinking about me at all. I don’t know why God is punishing me so badly… have I really been so bad in life that I deserve this?

 

Let my posts on here be a record of emotionally what I have been going through so people can explain what happened in the in last few weeks/months before I let go.

[Borntoelevate]

It's only day 9 nc for me... I just woke up and was temped to reach out my lost love... but I logged on here instead. I just spent some time with God asking some of the same questions and then I remember what this season is about... for me anyways... The birth of Jesus Christ... He is My HOPE! My LOVE! My SAVIOR! God has a plan and his plan doesn't mean that life will be wonderful and free of trials and tribulation. I saw a meme recently that reminded me of the difference between the will of God and the will of man. It was God's will that Christ died on the cross for our sins. It was God's will that his disciples spend their lives in prison or die horrible deaths. It was God's will that the people of Egypt wander the desert for 40 years before finding the promise land. Some of those people never saw the promised land. Although I may never find love that is shared between a man and a woman I am lucky to have the love of my family and friends. They believe I am a good person so I am going to hold on to that... I am betting your family and friends think the same about you... so hold onto that and trust that God does have a plan. Send you loving thoughts today.

 

Thanks Rayce. Hope you get better very soon.

[Rayce]

Borntoelevate please don't! Please! Please dump it down the drain right now! Please!

[KissingFire]

I'm angry today.

 

Sorted out my junk mail and found tons of emails of my ex ordering food for his new girl through MY ACCOUNTS!!!

 

I had to go for a walk and calm myself down as I was so irritated. I changed all my passwords and made sure he hadn't bought anything using any of my saved cards, but god, did it make me angry!

 

I have her address now. Several fantasies flash through my mind of writing her a letter, sending all his stuff he left at mine to her place, telling her that he's her problem now, but I won't do it. I am too proud and I have come too far.

 

Doesn't mean I'm not pissed as hell about it though! Made me reflect on what a massive man child he is and how I paid for nearly everything, sorted out everything financially and was the one with all the accounts.

 

And breathe....

[maybejune]

I was reading some replies I got earlier this year from this forum, and Beach had reminded me half year ago that I need to make new memories with new people such that I won't be drowning myself with the memories with my ex. I had been using excuses, such as illness and transition of life to avoid dating, and even worse I withdrew myself from social gatherings. Even though I live in a big city with a lot of people -- meaning nothing, I was making a lot of effort to go out and network with people prior to this sh*t relationship, now I become uninterested. I also cancelled my gym membership because I was supposed to move away a few months ago.

 

Yesterday I watched a video on YouTube about Dysthymia, a name I never heard of nor thought I would relate. I need to observe my situation, I know I shouldn't self-diagnose. Since I got sick in summer, I became very loose with my emotion and didn't push myself onto a positive lifestyle, and living by myself just made the crying and sad days very convenient.

 

anyway, holidays usually give me more anxiety than excitement. I will do better this year.

[TheBetterPerson]

I'm angry today.

 

Sorted out my junk mail and found tons of emails of my ex ordering food for his new girl through MY ACCOUNTS!!!

 

I had to go for a walk and calm myself down as I was so irritated. I changed all my passwords and made sure he hadn't bought anything using any of my saved cards, but god, did it make me angry!

 

I have her address now. Several fantasies flash through my mind of writing her a letter, sending all his stuff he left at mine to her place, telling her that he's her problem now, but I won't do it. I am too proud and I have come too far.

 

Doesn't mean I'm not pissed as hell about it though! Made me reflect on what a massive man child he is and how I paid for nearly everything, sorted out everything financially and was the one with all the accounts.

 

And breathe....

 

 

This sounds all too familiar with my situation, eugh! I can only imagine how you felt!

 

My ex sent me a message last night saying how happier and healthier he is without me and with his new gf! So that was a lovely festive message to get!

[gcp]

Some days are ok, some days aren't.. today is a bad day. Day 17 of NC and I am sitting here wondering what it must be like to dump someone you once said you had loved like no one else before, only to be back with your ex 2 days later. You didn't have to grieve the end, you just went right back to him, and everything is just fine with you, you have someone to love you at night. While I am home, alone, trying to get my confidence back after getting totally destroyed. I know I am a good man, kind, loving, caring and very forgiving.... but dammit i am angry.

 

We almost brought a child into this world, just a week before you left me for your ex you were telling me how much you loved me. I hope he treats you better this time, and i hope you regret your decision.. But I won't be there for you if you do, if he starts acting like him old self again. I am not sure how much a man can change in 6 months. Maybe he has, who knows. It seems like you are running from something, you can't be alone.

 

I can't wait for the day where you don't cross my mind.

[KissingFire]

This sounds all too familiar with my situation, eugh! I can only imagine how you felt!

 

My ex sent me a message last night saying how happier and healthier he is without me and with his new gf! So that was a lovely festive message to get!

 

Ouch! I'm sorry to hear that! If it makes you feel better, I wouldn't believe a word he said to you. Happy people don't need to rub their relationships into other people's faces. Either that or he's a narcissist, in which case you're better off without.

[Borntoelevate]

This sounds all too familiar with my situation, eugh! I can only imagine how you felt!

 

My ex sent me a message last night saying how happier and healthier he is without me and with his new gf! So that was a lovely festive message to get!

 

You can’t fully trust what people post, text or communicate through social media mediums, in normal circumstances, but more so post break up.

 

People post the dumbest things online as a form of temporarily inflating their self-esteem or comforting themselves in an otherwise depressing situation. If people were half as happy as they proclaim, therapists, GPs and psychiatrists would lose half their patients. When was the last time you’ve had someone make a post on how terrible their life is and how they have no hope (I know I haven’t). Even if we are feeling this way, we never publish it, partly out of fear of making things worse (self-fulfilling prophecy), but also because we’re not proud of what’s happened and are embarrassed that we’re falling behind the competition.

 

As hard as it maybe, don’t play in that game by either posting something in retaliation or emotionally succumbing to what you see. It will surely only make things worse for you, even if you are the one ‘winning’ right now.

Edited December 18, 2018 by Borntoelevate

[Rayce]

Glad to see you today Borntoelevate… I hope your feeling better.

[TheBetterPerson]

You can’t fully trust what people post, text or communicate through social media mediums, in normal circumstances, but more so post break up.

 

People post the dumbest things online as a form of temporarily inflating their self-esteem or comforting themselves in an otherwise depressing situation. If people were half as happy as they proclaim, therapists, GPs and psychiatrists would lose half their patients. When was the last time you’ve had someone make a post on how terrible their life is and how they have no hope (I know I haven’t). Even if we are feeling this way, we never publish it, partly out of fear of making things worse (self-fulfilling prophecy), but also because we’re not proud of what’s happened and are embarrassed that we’re falling behind the competition.

 

As hard as it maybe, don’t play in that game by either posting something in retaliation or emotionally succumbing to what you see. It will surely only make things worse for you, even if you are the one ‘winning’ right now.

 

Oh this wasnt on social media, he messaged me personally so i told him to enjoy his new life and to take care! Doesnt stop my mind from going absolutely mental thinking of him with someone new, its gut wrenching and i really would like to accept this and move on... just so annoying why my mind keeps thinking these things x

[hope86]

I keep getting impulses to commit suicide. Was looking at the least painful ways to commit suicide. Don't have a job now and I have never faced such a challenging situation in my life so I don't know what to do.

 

I keep praying and wishing to get shot so that it's all over or just sleep and never wake up. I keep seeking the easy way out even though I know the road to recovery is a hard one.

 

I don't understand how to face this pain. It's too hard man. UFFFFF

[Nukem]

I keep getting impulses to commit suicide.

 

Hey man,

do you remember this:

"I was lucky to stumble on a 4k carat diamond and I voluntarily gave her up, didn't even lose her like many do. How does one recover from something like that?"

 

Men do not commit suicide because of diamonds, neither for girls.

When I was in similar situations I did several water and dry fast.

It is to not eat and drink water for several days. When you endure dry fast for let say 5-6 days the life begins to look different Some say that it's like enlightenment experience. It is like when you endure fasting you begin to believe that you can endure anything.

 

Read about the topic carefully before starting, it is a risky undertaking!!!!!

Edited December 19, 2018 by Nukem

[Beachead]

I keep getting impulses to commit suicide. Was looking at the least painful ways to commit suicide. Don't have a job now and I have never faced such a challenging situation in my life so I don't know what to do.

 

I keep praying and wishing to get shot so that it's all over or just sleep and never wake up. I keep seeking the easy way out even though I know the road to recovery is a hard one.

 

I don't understand how to face this pain. It's too hard man. UFFFFF

 

Hey Hope,

 

What is it that's triggering your suicidal thoughts? What's making you sad? Drop it in here and get specific or if you'd like, just PM me and do it there.

 

- Beach

[Borntoelevate]

Oh this wasnt on social media, he messaged me personally so i told him to enjoy his new life and to take care! Doesnt stop my mind from going absolutely mental thinking of him with someone new, its gut wrenching and i really would like to accept this and move on... just so annoying why my mind keeps thinking these things x

 

I haven’t seen the message but it would appear his motive is one of malice, regardless of how subconscious that may be. Think about it, if you are truly happy with yourself/your situation, without a trace of inadequacy, you wouldn’t have to pronounce it to the world or others.

 

Unless you went hunting and found out he had moved on. This is what happened to me. My ex never communicated to me directly she had moved on. I found out indirectly via a mutual friend and it was truly heart destroying. She even went out of her way to hide it from me.

[Borntoelevate]

I keep getting impulses to commit suicide. Was looking at the least painful ways to commit suicide. Don't have a job now and I have never faced such a challenging situation in my life so I don't know what to do.

 

I keep praying and wishing to get shot so that it's all over or just sleep and never wake up. I keep seeking the easy way out even though I know the road to recovery is a hard one.

 

I don't understand how to face this pain. It's too hard man. UFFFFF

 

Where do you live? Make a deal with yourself that before you execute anything, you will call a suicide hotline. I am not out of the woods myself yet, but those hotlines have been extremely helpful to me on more than one occasion. They’ve pulled me out of very dark thinking patterns. They are also anonymous and free.

[Sarah_Smiles]

Thanks Sarah . Liked back too for such a warm comment, much appreciated.

 

I know, people turn into ugly cartoon versions during a breakup. They can act amazingly obtuse. It’s all control and manipulation. Even if subconscious. I know most of it’s not ill intended. But it’s not great to be on the end of.

 

Sorry to hear your friends and family are so unable to identify with what you’re dealing with?! That’s not nice to hear those things. I think pinch of salt. A lot of folk put on a front about things, what they’re really like in such situations quite different! No one’s made of wood lol.

 

Hope you are able to have a lovely Christmas too

 

As was yours to me...Not doing awesome, took a few no online posting days because being online actually makes me feel worse. To me it appears to make others feel better, idk. How do you see it, better or worse?

 

That they do, and you just have to sit and think did this person once love me, is this the same person I fell in love with, who is this person? It is manipulation and if you are sensitive to people you love or care about it really is a stinger that is awful difficult to remove. I think they want us to hurt and see, read, hear that hurt, feeds the ego on them. Like, wow, they really loved me, poor thing. Ugh.

 

Yes, I can no longer talk to anyone really outside of my therapist, yippee? Paid to care. Better than nothing, I guess. Hehe, except Pinocchio

 

Have a nice holiday season! Make some good memories to dim the thoughts of the past - ring in a good new year. *tries to take my own advice*

[loststarsx]

My cheating ex not only ruined my birthday a few days ago, but he proceeded to break my heart all over again. He sent bullchit messages that he was sad about this and how we were supposed to stay together forever. He then blocked me, which after all of his actions, surprisingly hurt immensely. I have my little arsenal of coping skills, but I feel so distraught and consumed by the betrayal again. I know I have to take care of myself, but I feel so much shame right now. I'm so profoundly sad. I keep thinking of the reasons why he chose an OW over me, and how easily I was replaced. I'm going away for Christmas, but I just want the Holidays to be over. I can't take this anymore. It's so hard, this wasn't supposed to happen. Acceptance is difficult, what's done is done. I go through waves where I tell myself the reality of it all, but chit, I'm in flames. I want this to go away, to forget I ever met him. I know finding my happiness is an inside job, but f u c k, this hurts me to the core. It kills me that we may never see each other again. I'm haunted.

Edited December 21, 2018 by loststarsx

[Mac0908]

It was almost a year ago now. The most devastating thing to ever happen in not only my dating life but my life in general. If anyone who heard all I went through were to guess what's next for me, they would have to say only good things. Things can only get better now. Hell, I probably deserved to hit the lottery so to speak.

 

2018 came, and I fought through the deepest depression I had ever experienced in my life bc of what happened on that day in December last year and the subsequent drama that ensued. It wouldn't be until May that I fully recovered and finally reached 100%, though scars were still very much there. Still, it was an amazing feeling. I was dating more again, working out more, eating right, and had a strong positive attitude that hadn't been associated with me in quite some time. The Summer was great, though dating was still rough. 34 years old and still playing the field, looking for the right one. By now most friends married. Most weekends lonely. I went on a lot of bad dates. While some were nice, none hooked me and got me truly excited. Then September/October came and along with it a touch of the Fall blues. By the time Thanksgiving was creeping up, thoughts of yet another year flying solo to holidays with the family brought back a touch of that old depressed feeling that was so common in my life from Jan-April. Still, I tried to stay strong, and for the most part I did.

 

I have been doing online dating now for 6.5 years. I have been out with approximately 100 different women in that time. Thats around an average of 1 different person a month. Out of those estimated 100, only four, that's right, FOUR have truly hooked me to that rare special point where I'm reminded of what it's like to legitimately ENJOY being on a date and ENJOY actually getting to know someone. To hit it off. To actually look FORWARD to next time. To have that feeling of being what one can simply describe as excited. This is all about one of those four.

 

Just a few weeks ago, nearly one year after the catastrophe that took part of my soul, for those who may have read about it in my thread, something very nice came along and happened. I went on a date and it went down as not only my greatest date in 2018, but maybe my best first date of all time. 32. A nurse. Local. One date or not, this was one of those obvious cases. There was something there. That attraction that can't be described as ordinary but instead something strong and powerful. That chemistry that can only be described as amazing. Bottom line? That overall connection that only comes around once in a very rare blue moon. 4% of the time perhaps. We went back to my place for a glass of wine and laughed and talked some more. Fooled around a bit. Drove her home out of my way. Made plans for date 2 on the spot. Only one date sure, but it was that nice. Could it be, I thought?, in my semi damaged conscience. Something significant? Something with substance? Something to get me out of my near 7 year funk of being single with only a few dead end flings in between? Could it have been? Date 2 came and went. Again it was great. Clicking was an understatement. Afterwards she texted me saying she had a lot of fun and was really looking forward to seeing me throughout the day.

 

Two days later I asked her for a third date. It would never get confirmed.

 

Under a week later I had been ghosted.

 

What on Earth happened you ask? I don't know. I still don't. All I do know is that at 34, through hell and back many times now with dating, for the first time I can honestly say I don't know how many more times I can manage to bounce back. I have that feeling of hopelessness again. The feeling of depression again. The feeling of being defeated again.

Edited December 22, 2018 by Mac0908

[Beachead]

@Mac0908

 

Wish I had some motivating words for you my friend. I also know how it feels to be told, "When the time is right, the right one will come along" or something similar. You look around and everyone seems to be doing well. Meanwhile, there you are.

 

I've been ghosted as well a few times in my life. It is honestly one of the cruelest things people can do. I've also had women approach me and charm me like I was this amazing guy. Things would go well for a little while. Then they'd turn down the heat. I couldn't understand why until I realized some guy or some ex whom I didn't even know was around, was ACTUALLY around behind the scenes and they were working me. Playing the field. Using me a time passer.

 

Seen a lot of people come and go. Grieved them all. You don't just "Get over it." Not if you really cared. Each disappointment takes something out of you.

 

Truth is, I always gave it my best. Put everything I was into my relationships. My best thoughts, my best actions. I am not sure what else I could have done. But, a lot of people will blame you anyway nonetheless. Friends, family, people on here, so called dating coaches and PUA's. They always have something to say about what you did wrong in the relationship. How you should have done this or said that and from here on, do this, behave like that etc. I learned to blamed myself for a lot of what happened in the past.

 

Maybe if these women actually cared or were in it for the long haul, then whatever flaws or weaknesses we showed wouldn't have mattered. And changing based on the criticisms of someone who left us may end up losing us a chance with someone new whom we would have connected with, because of that very change. What one person likes, another doesn't. People have different preferences. Different styles. Priorities, backgrounds Etc. We need to change for ourself and only because it makes sense to. Not because anyone told us to.

 

Just wanted to let you know I get it. There's a lot of people on here who get it. And if they understand, I'd like to hope that they, like myself, know far better than to treat others the way we've been treated. And if this is the case, maybe there's some genuine people out there, just as lost and as broken as we are, hoping to find us.

 

- Beach

Edited December 22, 2018 by Beachead

[Chassit]

Christmas is hell for us dumpees. It want to punch a Father Christmas when I see one. Cheerful bastards.

 

Made worse that my ex has said how much she’s looking forward to it (I’m in post dumped limbo being strung). Like no cares in the world. A “and you’re not invited mate”.

 

 

 

 

I hear ya man. Good luck this holiday.

[NomiMalone]

The moment you check your phone upon finishing your shift at work to find no messages from him... and realise there never will be again.