How are you coping today?

[hope86]

How do you know that she has found another "him"? Even so, how do you know that she is truly happy? You can assume it, but won't know for sure. The other thing to remember is she may have moved on almost purely for survival needs. I don't know how old she is, but past 30, girls become nervous about the amount of time they have left to be viable partners, so they essentially become desperate. They may 'move on' with someone, but that doesn't mean they have emotionally moved on. There's definitely a difference.

 

If you are judging from Facebook photos, people tend to always only post happy times, but you don't see what is actually going on in the background. They don't post the fights, the tears and sad times. When was the last time you posted a photo of yourself crying?

 

Realise your anger is something within you. It is your own personal demons and really has nothing to do with her at all. She's only the most recent and relevant channel that caused your personal flaws to come out and thus you associate them with her, but they are entirely you and for you to solve alone.

 

 

Thanks Born. But when I got my friend to call her and change her mind she said she's moved on and doesn't want me to even contact her or she'll complain of emotional harassment. Why would she do that if she isn't truly happy? I've blocked her on facebook as I don't think I'll be able to bear the pain of seeing her with another guy. I vowed to myself that I won't see her again till I'm myself married and have moved on.

 

I just CANNOT believe ANOTHER GUY is with her. ARGHHHHHHH!!! It makes me sick beyond belief. This is the same girl who told me she cannot live without me and infact harassed me with countless missed calls when I was at work.

 

People say success is the best form of revenge. I call BS on that. If killing someone was legal you would kill your ex and her guy and you know it! Revenge is a dish best served cold!!!

[Borntoelevate]

Thanks Born. But when I got my friend to call her and change her mind she said she's moved on and doesn't want me to even contact her or she'll complain of emotional harassment. Why would she do that if she isn't truly happy? I've blocked her on facebook as I don't think I'll be able to bear the pain of seeing her with another guy. I vowed to myself that I won't see her again till I'm myself married and have moved on.

 

I just CANNOT believe ANOTHER GUY is with her. ARGHHHHHHH!!! It makes me sick beyond belief. This is the same girl who told me she cannot live without me and infact harassed me with countless missed calls when I was at work.

 

People say success is the best form of revenge. I call BS on that. If killing someone was legal you would kill your ex and her guy and you know it! Revenge is a dish best served cold!!!

 

I am actually amazed at how similar our stories are, not only in terms of break up, but also in terms of our reactions. My parents visited my ex and she refused to take me back. I later saw the photo of her in the hands of another guy and I went suicidal.

 

Your disbelief regarding your ex (how she was in the relationship with you and how she is now) is understandable. I grappled with that dichotomy for a long time but what I realised, at least for my ex, was that she has the ability to turn off her emotions. Once she's decided she doesn't love someone, that door is shut, forever. When she is in love, she goes absolutely nuts over the person (as she did with me). I am interested to ask, did your ex come from a broken family? (ie. was the father/mother absent?)

 

The other thing to remember is that the emotions of love and hate access the same part of the brain. I've noticed that women can quickly turn love into hate, almost at will. All the love she had has turned to hate, unfortunately.

 

This is something I have learned. Something I understand about women now and will adjust accordingly in my next relationship.

 

Assuming she is some what semi attractive, she also probably has found it easy to find a new partner (especially if she has a big social circle). I'll wager that part of your emotional turmoil is due to scarcity - the fear that you can't find someone equal to or better than your ex. Realising this will help sort out what's going through your head. I'll bet that since you got her (even though you may think you got lucky), your normal self is attractive and could easily find someone of a similar caliber as your ex. Unfortunately for us guys, physical appearance is not sufficient in attracting a partner. Our emotional/mental internals have to be strong and that is that last thing they are after a break up. We are wounded men after a break up and will walk around aimlessly for a time. Eventually, we'll get better and will find someone, who is different from our exes, but still makes us happy. Tbh though, I don't think men ever truly recover (at least from my discussions with other guys over tragic break ups).

 

The reason why she is standing firm and is putting a hard line of not wanting to talk to you is not necessarily because she has moved on and is 'happy'. She probably understands that the most effective method of getting over you is NC (again, same with my ex). It doesn't mean she is happy and tbh, I'll even put money on the fact that she probably still thinks of you.

 

Again she sounds almost identical to my ex: romantic but practical and actually, a very strong/independent woman that knows how to get things done when they need to get done.

Edited November 16, 2018 by Borntoelevate

[Beachead]

Thanks Born. But when I got my friend to call her and change her mind she said she's moved on and doesn't want me to even contact her or she'll complain of emotional harassment. Why would she do that if she isn't truly happy? I've blocked her on facebook as I don't think I'll be able to bear the pain of seeing her with another guy. I vowed to myself that I won't see her again till I'm myself married and have moved on.

 

I just CANNOT believe ANOTHER GUY is with her. ARGHHHHHHH!!! It makes me sick beyond belief. This is the same girl who told me she cannot live without me and infact harassed me with countless missed calls when I was at work.

 

People say success is the best form of revenge. I call BS on that. If killing someone was legal you would kill your ex and her guy and you know it! Revenge is a dish best served cold!!!

 

You're still within your realms of grief. Its just reality is slowly coming to together for you and the emotional reaction to it is anger because it hurts.

 

Trust me, we've all felt it at some point in our grief. A lot of people who come on here have shown it as well. In the beginning, it was the shock and thinking that we could do something about our situation. Then once we come to realize the break up is real, its the sadness that takes over and the wishing to be with our ex again. Time goes on, and at some point, like how you just got this sh*tty response from your ex, we find out our ex is moving on or has moved on. Reality hits us hard. It's overwhelming. For me, reality was seeing a picture of my ex and her boyfriend engaged on FB. It gets real tough to deal with, we become angry because it hurts so bad but its probably the best thing that could have happened for us. Things like this shut down the hope which is the number one cause of not being able to move on. Things eventually start to subside and the our day to day investments start to show some positive merit in their life. Eventually we start to feel better. You can always tell who is getting better on here when you see them post less and less.

 

Happens all the time brother. This is not to reduce your situation to just another situation, but just to let you know, you aren't alone. You weren't the first to feel this and you won't be the last. We all understand.

 

Hating your ex is normal. I still hope sometimes that mine gets what she deserves. Used to be an everyday thing..very intense. But I kept on focusing on my studies and my career and little by little the benefits of that focus started to take over my mind and she consumed less and less of it. Everyday was a bad day. Then it was every other day. Then a few times a week. Then a few times a month. Eventually my bad days became more about other things instead of her.

 

That kind of thinking doesn't happen over night so I don't expect you to just switch it off. Took me over a year to get here just as it took me a lot of time in my other situations. Progress and development is slow but the best thing you can do is let yourself feel.

 

So keep feeling..but don't let it consume you. Keep working hard on yourself, for yourself. Make what feels like a loss in your life, not a loss at all by using the sadness/pain/anger to drive you towards a life you want. For me, that meant treating my family right. Doing well in my courses. Being a better teacher. A better me. Little steps everyday. You fail..you have set backs. Forgive yourself. Keep going. Your future self in 1 year will thank you for it.

 

- Beach

Edited November 16, 2018 by Beachead

[hope86]

I am actually amazed at how similar our stories are, not only in terms of break up, but also in terms of our reactions. My parents visited my ex and she refused to take me back. I later saw the photo of her in the hands of another guy and I went suicidal.

 

[/Quote]

 

Yes I'm amazed how similar our stories are. I can't imagine what you must've gone through, I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I hope to god I never have to see her new guy, it's unimaginable to me atleast at this stage in my recovery.

 

Your disbelief regarding your ex (how she was in the relationship with you and how she is now) is understandable. I grappled with that dichotomy for a long time but what I realised, at least for my ex, was that she has the ability to turn off her emotions. Once she's decided she doesn't love someone, that door is shut, forever. When she is in love, she goes absolutely nuts over the person (as she did with me). I am interested to ask, did your ex come from a broken family? (ie. was the father/mother absent?)

 

 

I read that somewhere that a girl has an ON and OFF switch. Guys have a middle switch too but not girls and once that switch goes OFF it's over. My ex was brought up by a strict mother who wouldn't even let her date till marriage so I guess you can call it broken in some sense but she was very traditional(which I actually like cause they're great for marriage). I don't think I could handle a wildchild regardless.

 

The other thing to remember is that the emotions of love and hate access the same part of the brain. I've noticed that women can quickly turn love into hate, almost at will. All the love she had has turned to hate, unfortunately.

 

This is something I have learned. Something I understand about women now and will adjust accordingly in my next relationship.

 

 

Same here and I so wish I got a second chance with her with this new found wisdom but sadly life is cruel and unfair and I got the short end of the stick.

 

 

Assuming she is some what semi attractive, she also probably has found it easy to find a new partner (especially if she has a big social circle). I'll wager that part of your emotional turmoil is due to scarcity - the fear that you can't find someone equal to or better than your ex. Realising this will help sort out what's going through your head. I'll bet that since you got her (even though you may think you got lucky), your normal self is attractive and could easily find someone of a similar caliber as your ex.

 

 

She's a keeper, the perfect blend of looks and homeliness. And on top of that she understood my emotional needs so well and gave me such emotional and psychological security that it's indescribable. If I had a checklist she literally crossed every single one so I have literally no idea how another girl can be equal to her let alone better than her because I got her off of a matrimonial website. TBH my normal self isn't that good that's why I feel like I've lost my ticket to romantic happiness and any girl I date now will be a compromise of some sort. Shame cause I was tantalizingly close to marrying her and having a beautiful life with the love of my life.

 

Unfortunately for us guys, physical appearance is not sufficient in attracting a partner. Our emotional/mental internals have to be strong and that is that last thing they are after a break up. We are wounded men after a break up and will walk around aimlessly for a time. Eventually, we'll get better and will find someone, who is different from our exes, but still makes us happy. Tbh though, I don't think men ever truly recover (at least from my discussions with other guys over tragic break ups).

 

 

The realisation that I'll have to live with my broken self for the rest of my life makes me want to kill myself cause why go through this pain? What is it's worth? Ok I'll eventually find a girl I guess but the magical romance won't be there so where's the fun in that? I can see why guys never get over breakups specially when your ex is a dimepiece keeper. I pray to god everyday to get me through this seemingly bottomless hellpit of darkness but that's all I've got, my undying faith in god.

 

The reason why she is standing firm and is putting a hard line of not wanting to talk to you is not necessarily because she has moved on and is 'happy'. She probably understands that the most effective method of getting over you is NC (again, same with my ex). It doesn't mean she is happy and tbh, I'll even put money on the fact that she probably still thinks of you.

 

 

I'm tempted to think this is true because she's a cancerian(I am too, another matching point if you can believe that) and they can't let go and they tend to ruminate but because she's a girl I can't trust that completely. Plus she felt I was seeing other marriage proposals on the side so she told me she doesn't trust me that i'll cheat on her after marriage. The insanity of that is just too much for me. I'm a cancerian for pete's sake we never cheat on our partners cause we love the security a loyal relationship brings.

 

Again she sounds almost identical to my ex: romantic but practical and actually, a very strong/independent woman that knows how to get things done when they need to get done.

 

Her sunsign was cancer and her moon sign was Taurus if you believe in astrology and her moon sign is what undid the relationship imo cause Taureans are practical not to mention STUBBORN people so even though she maybe wrong she probably thought it's her choice and she'll stick to it.

[JP92]

I can feel the pain in a lot of these posts and it hurts me to see others hurting so badly because I can relate. I felt it in the early stages. It's an indescribable feeling. I've had loved ones die and I didn't feel nearly as badly as I did when my ex and I broke up. Staying up until 2-3 in the morning and waking up at 7-8 with a heaviness on my chest that made me feel like my heart was about to explode. It was unbearable and I never thought I'd be okay ever again.

 

Someone that is the source of the worst pain you've ever experienced in your life is not the "one". The one would never leave you wounded and feeling so helpless. I'm sure all of our exes have some redeeming qualities and some may be genuinely great people, but that doesn't change the fact that they left many of us with a crippling sadness that made getting through the average day feel nearly impossible. Someone that is capable of hurting me so deeply is not someone I want in my life and sure as hell not someone I'd ever want to marry. The "one" will fight for the relationship and bring us joy and not be linked to one of the worst phases of our lives. If my ex knocked on my door tomorrow(ha), I wouldn't even answer.

Edited November 16, 2018 by JP92

[Borntoelevate]

Yes I'm amazed how similar our stories are. I can't imagine what you must've gone through, I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I hope to god I never have to see her new guy, it's unimaginable to me atleast at this stage in my recovery. {snip}

 

I'll address your points as soon as I get my bearings together.

 

It's been close to 8 months post break up for me and today I am feeling like absolute ****. I woke up feeling good, motivated, but now I just want to crawl into bed and sleep forever. I thought I should be done with this! I shouldn't be feeling like this anymore. It's been over half a year and I am still thinking of someone who is ****ing someone else and probably almost about to get married?

 

This is absolutely ridiculous. Why am I still feeling sad? It's done. It's over!

 

I just remembered how my friends, after the break up, said how pretty my ex was. I told them to stfu! I won't be able to find another one like that.

 

Now my friends are saying I am still young, 32. I should be having fun instead of wanting to settle down, but I really just want to settle down right now with someone I love.

 

This week, I've been on 4 separate dates, with 4 different women. 1 I like but she's not responsive, whilst the other 3 I am not that keen on...

 

My friends tell me I will find someone, it takes time, but I feel like I will never find someone who I can love, trust and spend a life with. I feel so hopeless.... I feel there's nothing to look forward to anymore.

 

Meanwhile, my ex is enjoying her life. **** this still hurts, even close to one year after the break up. Someone please help me (either get better or die).

Edited November 17, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Chassit]

So here we are, almost 4 months apart. Mostly I do OK-ish now. But I still constantly think of you and I am desperately missing you this morning. I still don't understand...

[hope86]

I'll address your points as soon as I get my bearings together.

 

It's been close to 8 months post break up for me and today I am feeling like absolute ****. I woke up feeling good, motivated, but now I just want to crawl into bed and sleep forever. I thought I should be done with this! I shouldn't be feeling like this anymore. It's been over half a year and I am still thinking of someone who is ****ing someone else and probably almost about to get married?

 

This is absolutely ridiculous. Why am I still feeling sad? It's done. It's over!

 

I just remembered how my friends, after the break up, said how pretty my ex was. I told them to stfu! I won't be able to find another one like that.

 

Now my friends are saying I am still young, 32. I should be having fun instead of wanting to settle down, but I really just want to settle down right now with someone I love.

 

This week, I've been on 4 separate dates, with 4 different women. 1 I like but she's not responsive, whilst the other 3 I am not that keen on...

 

My friends tell me I will find someone, it takes time, but I feel like I will never find someone who I can love, trust and spend a life with. I feel so hopeless.... I feel there's nothing to look forward to anymore.

 

Meanwhile, my ex is enjoying her life. **** this still hurts, even close to one year after the break up. Someone please help me (either get better or die).

 

 

I'm so sorry you're going through this pain, noone deserves to go through this pain. I guess sometimes bad things happen to good people, such a ****ty and unfair world we live in.

 

I don't know if you believe in god but if you do then I would recommend devoting some time to praying to him and also seeing some of your religious videos( youtube pastor videos if you're Christian). It does provide some comfort/relief knowing that there are higher powers at play.

 

The other thing I do is and I'm sure you're probably doing this too is to constantly remind myself of her negatives. Stubbornness is one that comes to mind.

 

I'll pray for you to get better. You have our support.

[hope86]

{snip}

So keep feeling..but don't let it consume you. Keep working hard on yourself, for yourself. Make what feels like a loss in your life, not a loss at all by using the sadness/pain/anger to drive you towards a life you want. For me, that meant treating my family right. Doing well in my courses. Being a better teacher. A better me. Little steps everyday. You fail..you have set backs. Forgive yourself. Keep going. Your future self in 1 year will thank you for it.

 

- Beach

 

 

Thanks Beach, I appreciate your suggestions and support. But you have to understand not everyone is the same as far as mental strength goes. Some people simply don't have the strength to deal with such an unending nightmare. It's kindof like saying lift 50 pound dumbbells 100 times everyday and you'll become fine. Some have the mental discipline to follow through but not everyone right?

 

I have always been traditionally weak minded and for me I'm the type who evades atleast seemingly very hard challenges. I tend to cut corners a lot so for me to face this adversity all by myself and noone can really help is very intimidating and downright impossible, sorry I don't have a better word to describe it. I know we have to take it one step at a time but that again goes back to mental discipline which I simply don't have even when I had not broken up. Baby steps are ok but when you have to take a million baby steps then my subconscious doesn't allow me to take even one baby step. This is essentially the crux of my mentality.

 

The only thing I do is now to try and stay alive and go through the motions, try and do my daily duties as best as I can and hope to god that he saves me. But damn I feel so DRY and lost that it's doubly tough to follow a regimen.

Edited November 17, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Beachead]

Thanks Beach, I appreciate your suggestions and support. But you have to understand not everyone is the same as far as mental strength goes. Some people simply don't have the strength to deal with such an unending nightmare. It's kindof like saying lift 50 pound dumbbells 100 times everyday and you'll become fine. Some have the mental discipline to follow through but not everyone right?

 

I have always been traditionally weak minded and for me I'm the type who evades atleast seemingly very hard challenges. I tend to cut corners a lot so for me to face this adversity all by myself and noone can really help is very intimidating and downright impossible, sorry I don't have a better word to describe it. I know we have to take it one step at a time but that again goes back to mental discipline which I simply don't have even when I had not broken up. Baby steps are ok but when you have to take a million baby steps then my subconscious doesn't allow me to take even one baby step. This is essentially the crux of my mentality.

 

The only thing I do is now to try and stay alive and go through the motions, try and do my daily duties as best as I can and hope to god that he saves me. But damn I feel so DRY and lost that it's doubly tough to follow a regimen.

 

That's what it's about. Just trying to stay alive one day at a time.

 

The only good thing I had going for me was warm showers and a warm afternoon coffee in the beginning.

[loststarsx]

*Rides in on wave* I am doing things I always told myself I could not do, even though I feel so worthless with the aftermath of this bull$hit. Navy/hockey guy seems cool. He is not my type, but I can't resist the tat sleeves and blond surfer hair. I'm meeting him tonight at a bar, it's so cold and he's going to be late. This guy was willing to drive an hour and half for this, yet, I couldn't get a second glance from my ex. I thought of a million excuses to bail initially, but when he heard my voice, he had to meet me. I want gin tonight and hope Guns N' Roses or REM play on the jukebox, I don't feel like getting change, though. I struggle with how I look these days, it wasn't enough for him. I looked in the mirror, though. It's crazy, it's the best I've ever looked, however, I am even a stranger to myself. I'm coping, hoping, and honestly, still moping.

[hope86]

That's what it's about. Just trying to stay alive one day at a time.

 

The only good thing I had going for me was warm showers and a warm afternoon coffee in the beginning.

 

Thanks Beach. That's my favourite part too, I drink tea three times a day and I enjoy that. The warm showers too. But where I struggle is the slightly more difficult and boring tasks like cooking, sometimes gyming and work. I wonder how I can do these tasks more effectively and with less procrastination.

[Beachead]

Thanks Beach. That's my favourite part too, I drink tea three times a day and I enjoy that. The warm showers too. But where I struggle is the slightly more difficult and boring tasks like cooking, sometimes gyming and work. I wonder how I can do these tasks more effectively and with less procrastination.

 

It may be because some of those things are habitual or monotonous in nature to you and don't require too much thinking. So, you can almost do them on autopilot because you are used to it. The remain space in your mind is free to wander and think about other things..like her. Even at work, if you've been doing the same job for awhile, it can become habitual as well, despite the stressful days, for the same reasons.

 

In any case, what you may need is to shake that monotony up and add new things to the routine. Still keep some of the old stuff so not to overwhelm yourself with excess change, but add new activities that challenge you and force your mind to function at full concentration again. For example, activities that force you to socialize with people or force you to learn skills that you are uncomfortable with. These activities should be things that after you go home, you find yourself thinking about. The kind that force you out of your comfort zone, scare you, challenge you, and shake your life up. I would even go as far as to saying a new job or moving to a new place. Whatever it takes.

 

Just one right addition to your life is enough to get the job done.

 

For me, this was going back to school and doing an accelerated program. I was so busy trying to keep up with the material, learning new skills and stressing over assignments, presentations and exams that it just pushed thoughts of my ex to the sidelines. My classmates were in the same boat as me, facing the same challenges in the program while pursuing the same goals. So we established a connection and became close through this commonality. I still had free time throughout the week to think about her and let myself hurt a bit but I was also moving passed it in my life. Not moving on but moving passed. Big difference. Moving on comes eventually.

 

Something to think about

Edited November 18, 2018 by Beachead

[Insoc]

I cope by thinking how much my soon to be ex hurt me, I don't think in 1 year or 5 years I will real in pain like many on here, 10 years of marriage and a few years prior of dating, I'm going to follow this rule:

 

Yesterday is history, Tomorrow is a mystery.

 

I have to for my own good, my ex has not really cried or showed any remorse or guilt, she drove us into divorce, I didn't want it. The incident happened a few days before our wedding anny.

 

I think it's harder for me to picture her with this guy she is talking to who is half her age (she is in her 50's), the thoughts that run through my head, then thinking of what we had, she was the driving force for the divorce, cheated online with me prior to this, so I feel I have felt some deep emotions and have made myself sick, but she shows nothing. She is using diversions like chatting with this guy via text to block out any emotions. For her, "coping" is doing that, block it out by focusing your thoughts on a new relationship even if it's twisted and unethical.

[KissingFire]

Today I'm suffering. I don't want to go out and party like a teenager anymore. I just want to be with him.

 

Day 26 since the breakup, and 22 days of NC.

 

I have to be strong.

[JP92]

Haha, life is certainly funny. Friends picked me up around 6 last night to have a great night out and we went to my favorite bar at 10. After playing a couple of cornhole games, I went to grab a drink and looked straight into the eyes of the ex. I don't know how long she had been staring at me, but I was totally caught off guard and almost didn't recognize her. She was just standing by herself while her S/O was in the bathroom, I guess. She said an awkward "hey" and I looked at her for a couple of seconds and then kept walking without saying a word. I was a little drunk, but I held my composure and acted as indifferent as possible. I've made tremendous progress but this rattled me a bit. Went back to my friends and shared laughs and had a pretty good time and her and her new guy were about 15-20 feet away from my group which was just weird. She and her new guy ended up leaving the bar pretty quickly even though I acted as if she was a complete stranger. I probably came off as a bit rude by not replying to her "hey" but I'm glad I did not because I don't owe her anything.

 

Feeling a little down today but it's just a minor setback....I just seem to always run into people I do not want to run into but I'm not going to become a hermit. It's a little maddening that in a pretty decent sized city that I would run into her but I think I did well. It just brought back some emotions I hadn't felt in awhile and made me think that my luck is about as bad as one's luck can be because stuff like this always seems to happen to me.

 

Wound reopened a bit, but I'll be okay.

Edited November 19, 2018 by JP92

[Beachead]

Wow..

 

Glad you said nothing and walked away. You don't owe her anything at all. She wanted you gone, she got it. Done.

 

But one thing I want to say is be prepared for a small possibility of her trying to "Clear the air" with you via email or a text. If she does, know that it won't mean her wanting to get back together with you. It'll just be her trying to soothe whatever guilty feelings resurfaced after seeing you again. They'll pass and she'll return to who she is after she gets what she wants. Nothings changed. In your weakened state, you'll be at risk of losing sight of that and responding, even if you think you're okay..and that send you 20 steps back. Just be ready.

 

- Beach

Edited November 20, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
removed quote

[JP92]

Luckily, I'd be stunned if I ever heard from her again without insane run-ins like last night. She had her ring on her finger and whether it was genuine or not, she was very loudly laughing and enjoying herself with the dude before leaving. I tried not to pay her much attention, but she did seem happy and a little rattled to see me as well. There's a 0% chance I'd respond to anything from her because it just wouldn't make sense. She's taken for and I have no interest in being friends with her and even if she was single, I could never take someone back that left me wounded for so long. I think it was just a case of insanely bad luck and hopefully it'll never happen again. She was probably a little thrown off by me ignoring her because though I've done that in texts/emails before, I have always been very friendly to just about anyone in person.

 

My friends said I came off as a huge winner because I was having such a good time and seemed like the happiest guy in the room. I was having a damn good day before seeing her and though it stung a bit, I know I shouldn't let her bring me down when she was the one that decided she wanted a life without me.

 

Super freaking frustrated this happened, but I just have to treat her as a stranger. After all, I am 26 and spent 4 months with her....4 months out of 26 years is nothing.

Edited November 20, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
removed quote

[Beachead]

I've had exes in the past contact me after I finally started to move on and it was a massive set back for me so I understand to some degree. Planted seeds in my head. I can only imagine how much worse it is to have bumped into your ex like that in person. But like you said, life with her was just 4 months out of your 26 years to provide some perspective. Shows you spent far more time without this woman in your life than you did with which means you'll be fine without her.

 

Just gotta continue to doing things and being with people that make you feel good and challenge you to grow and become better. Well-being is everything. In this crazy world, that's your insurance for survival.

Edited November 20, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
removed quote

[hope86]

There is a girl who likes me and she MAYBE can be a good partner but I barely have any romantic feelings for her so not sure if I should continue.

 

On the flipside, because girls don't grow on trees, I'm wondering if I should almost force myself or try to make it work.

 

See this is the worst part about a breakup. It's like you lose the ability to know which is the next girl who's right for you cause they don't really stand out. Do you just keep waiting till you find that special connection that you had with your ex? Or do you just go with someone who likes you and is committed enough.

[Beachead]

Do you feel like you don't have any romantic feelings because you're afraid to get hurt or are you simply not attracted to her?

Edited November 20, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
removed quote

[hope86]

Hi Beach. Thanks for responding. It's the latter and I'm trying to sort of ignore my lack of attraction and just focus her other good points like she seems to have a good heart etc, not sure if I'm making sense.

Edited November 20, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[JP92]

I've had exes in the past contact me after I finally started to move on and it was a massive set back for me so I understand to some degree. Planted seeds in my head. I can only imagine how much worse it is to have bumped into your ex like that in person. But like you said, life with her was just 4 months out of your 26 years to provide some perspective. Shows you spent far more time without this woman in your life than you did with which means you'll be fine without her.

 

Just gotta continue to doing things and being with people that make you feel good and challenge you to grow and become better. Well-being is everything. In this crazy world, that's your insurance for survival.

 

I analyzed how I acted when I went home that night and then realized how silly that is since any thoughts she has of me are irrelevant. In a weird way, it was good I was a little drunk. The night was a huge blur and I'm just glad I didn't say anything to her. The wound felt ripped open when I woke up and started thinking clearly, but I am so much more confident in my ability to keep pushing forward than I was months ago.

 

I wonder why things like that happen sometimes. Months ago, I would have probably had a panic attack and done something embarrassing. That night I was at the strongest I've been in a long time so of course I get thrown a new test but out of sight, out of mind will continue for me.

 

Her last image of me before that night was the pathetic guy begging for her to stay. Her image that night was a happy guy in a room full of friends. If anything, that brings me peace of mind knowing that she got to see just how happy I am without her in my life. May she stay in my past forever....but if something crazy like this happens again, I at least know I can handle it.

 

Best of luck to the new guy.

[loststarsx]

Struggling today, trying to crawl out of this hole, but it's getting deeper and deeper. The light that was peaking in has now been dimmed and it's darker than ever. Basically, I got a breadcrumb email confessing to the betrayal.... only he blamed me for it because things were hard/my depression. *Screams in Adam Sandler voice* It's truly humbling to know I was the cause for my ex starting a relationship behind my back for months and leaving me for her. I'm back to barely eating. I feel like I am back at square one. Maybe I'll cope with some dramatic haircut.

[KissingFire]

It's nearly been a month since he left me and the days are getting easier. I'm dating again. I've found new hobbies. I'm trying to get fitter.

 

There are times when I miss him, but there are also times where I'm frozen in fear, remembering the times he said nasty things and hurt me. I'm trying to remember those more.