How are you coping today?

[vvutnkl]

My ex called me this morning asking why I blocked her on social medias.. said I prefer it this way since it makes it easier on me. She was mad and now I feel guilty

[Beachead]

My ex called me this morning asking why I blocked her on social medias.. said I prefer it this way since it makes it easier on me. She was mad and now I feel guilty

 

You break up with her or vice versa?

[vvutnkl]

You break up with her or vice versa?

Uhm she broke up with me but it was coming from both of us pretty much

[Beachead]

Uhm she broke up with me but it was coming from both of us pretty much

 

Then there was a good reason for it. You just have to remind yourself of what that reason was. I'd suggest writing that reason out somewhere and reading it when you feel guilt, doubt, sadness or anything that might pull you back. These emotions are never good reasons to go back as you'll soon find yourself right back in the same mess again. Nobody's had time to see things in a different light. They haven't had time to work on themselves. Nobody's had time to change.

 

Right now, she's dealing with separation anxiety. Reality has hit like bat to the gutt. It hurts. She's so desperate to relieve it, she will forego logic to do it so she lashes out or says things to get you to try and engage with her even though its not whats best for you two. Getting back together or maintaining that connection will give her temporary relief only and she knows that.

 

When her anxiety clears and she's had enough time alone to process your relationship and the break-up, that will be an accurate representation of how she feels and what she wants. Right now, it's all emotion and impulse.

 

Give her time, she'll get over it

 

- Beach

[loststarsx]

I've been riding the wave of emotions. Today was not the best, I've started crying a lot in the last few days. The rumination is killing me. I think of the mistakes we both made and how it could have been different. How I wish he did not cheat, how somehow even though I know it was his choice, I still feel deficient. I have these deep soul cries because I know that we both lost something special. I cry so hard at the thought that I will never speak to him again. I am going to plan an escape to Chicago soon. I am overcome with grief and I know he's fine, she's keeping him warm and destroying our memories. I wish we both could somehow start over. The pain is unbearable today. My routine is messed up. Not coping well at the moment. I wish he would talk to me. He was my best friend, my heart, my love, and now he's a stranger. God, just typing makes my heart ache.

[Jmurray1990]

I've been worrying a lot today, I've keep thinking whats going to happen at christmas and new year. last year we was a family spending time with are son. i thought i was going to be working away for the holidays and i was happy with that to get away from the situation but everything changed at work.

 

we still need to work out how were getting are son to scotland, i don't want you to come across you said you would give me space. why are you coming across if you said you would give me space. I've blocked you on whatsapp then you phone me throw instagram ? i block you on instagram then you contact my mum ? let me to move on, but as soon as i am your there popping your head up. you tell me you don't love me so.......... just wait about i know you want me in your life what as ?

 

i dont trust you and i don't think ill get that trust back. i need to move on and become happy with being myself and confront my problems to become a better boyfriend for some else. maybe if times right and we both decided to get back maybe we should give it a try but at the moment i need to grow as a person.

[Beachead]

@Borntoelevate

 

It's in the way you're speaking. You are in pain but your mind is open. Clear. And you are reasonable. This is big. Open minds, are able to absorbed and learn. You also talked to your dad and came on here seeking advice and help. You are seeking support systems. That's forward thinking. Someone who was done with life wouldn't do this. They would be impervious to advice and solutions and only reply with excuses for everything..because deep down inside, they are not ready to move forward.

 

I'd like to wager that you were not at this point in the 1st month of your breakup and this is significant considering some people bury their pain and consequently do not deal with it ever. Time passes and it poisons them. But you have accepted that you are not okay and you are dealing with your demons day by day. You will unknowingly acquiring the tools and wisdom you need to handle the future but you won't see that improvement in strength until you face future battles. Then you will realize how far you've come.

 

As far as treating your ex badly. All we do is try to be our best. Try to be better than we were yesterday. People wants to point fingers and blame others as if they are flawless. But they themselves in all their righteousness are not flawless either. They have made mistakes too. They are ashamed of things they don't talk about. And sometimes without knowing, they project to you the pain they feel about themselves.

 

So forgive yourself for your mistakes and understand who you were in that relationship..who you were at that time, was the best you could have been given everything you knew and understood about your life and that was going on in your life. Doesn't define who you are today or who you will be tomorrow. Don't look at this as "It's been 7 months. It's been 10 months. It's not been over a year." Forget the timeline. Just focus on today. Make it a good day. Something you can be proud of. A longterm plan regarding your career and life will get you thinking about tomorrow. Setting the goals for that plan will get you focusing on today. Make the goals very specific and make sure you they push you to move forward but don't break your mind. Find that balance that's right for you. Daily, weekly, monthly, yearly goals. That's all you have to do. Nature will take care of the rest.

 

- Beach

Edited November 6, 2018 by Beachead

[KissingFire]

I go through days when I'm not okay. Today was one of those days. Yesterday I was happy, laughing, and I was okay. Now I'm suffering again. I cannot get those thoughts of my ex moving on and completely removing me from his life. I am so hurt that he could replace me within 4 days of leaving me. Was it really love? Who was I really with the last three years of my life? I am so confused and lost.

[NotADayGoesBy]

My ex called me this morning asking why I blocked her on social medias.. said I prefer it this way since it makes it easier on me. She was mad and now I feel guilty

 

Don't feel bad. It's about boundaries and self preservation. In the future you may be able to unblock her and be friends again, but for now you have to do what ever you need to move on.

[hope86]

I secretly keep wishing that I get shot by some random stranger in the head so that I die on the spot with minimal pain or I die in my sleep. What's the point of this unending pain without your soulmate by your side? I really wish euthanasia was legalized and made available to the heartbroken people or people in emotional agony when the cure is something as vague as self development.

[Sarah_Smiles]

I feel miserable so much so I didn't even go to work today.

[Borntoelevate]

@Borntoelevate

 

It's in the way you're speaking. You are in pain but your mind is open. Clear. And you are reasonable. This is big. Open minds, are able to absorbed and learn. You also talked to your dad and came on here seeking advice and help. You are seeking support systems. That's forward thinking. Someone who was done with life wouldn't do this. They would be impervious to advice and solutions and only reply with excuses for everything..because deep down inside, they are not ready to move forward.

 

I'd like to wager that you were not at this point in the 1st month of your breakup and this is significant considering some people bury their pain and consequently do not deal with it ever. Time passes and it poisons them. But you have accepted that you are not okay and you are dealing with your demons day by day. You will unknowingly acquiring the tools and wisdom you need to handle the future but you won't see that improvement in strength until you face future battles. Then you will realize how far you've come.

 

As far as treating your ex badly. All we do is try to be our best. Try to be better than we were yesterday. People wants to point fingers and blame others as if they are flawless. But they themselves in all their righteousness are not flawless either. They have made mistakes too. They are ashamed of things they don't talk about. And sometimes without knowing, they project to you the pain they feel about themselves.

 

So forgive yourself for your mistakes and understand who you were in that relationship..who you were at that time, was the best you could have been given everything you knew and understood about your life and that was going on in your life. Doesn't define who you are today or who you will be tomorrow. Don't look at this as "It's been 7 months. It's been 10 months. It's not been over a year." Forget the timeline. Just focus on today. Make it a good day. Something you can be proud of. A longterm plan regarding your career and life will get you thinking about tomorrow. Setting the goals for that plan will get you focusing on today. Make the goals very specific and make sure you they push you to move forward but don't break your mind. Find that balance that's right for you. Daily, weekly, monthly, yearly goals. That's all you have to do. Nature will take care of the rest.

 

- Beach

 

It’s hard to know where I have come from or if I really have made noticeable improvements since the day of the break up. I know others describe that we go through phases: grieve, denial, anger acceptance etc. but I haven’t been able to definitively see the “stage” that I am at. I’ve given up on believing I am past grieve or that I am now in a new phase of the recovery process because every time I have done that, I’ve crashed harder a few days afterwards (last time I was suicidal). I have accepted that this pain won’t ever go away unless I have something (whether it be activities, medicine or death) to divert my focus. Some sort of ‘work in progress’ thing that I can always turn to when I have time. I believe that time, itself, can heal the wound, but (at least for me) it would be a very very VERY slow process on its own (2 years possibly) and I would have wasted a tremendous amount of my life. I believe that time is really only a component in MY recovery process.

 

To speed up the process, I am working with my mentor to develop a vision board with all my goals and am also working on positive affirmations.

 

One of my positive affirmations are:

 

“I let go of the guilt and remorse from the break up. I give myself permission to forgive myself, release myself from mourning the past and allow myself to leverage those experiences to become a wiser, more composed and superior version of myself. To achieve my personal best. I can forget the memories. I can move on.

 

I am committed to doing my daily steps to achieve my Wealth, Health and Relationship goals every day. I am approaching the next 6 months with enthusiasm, vigour and positivity.”

 

I have also reconnected with some people I know, have connected with some new friends but am also trying to accept that there will be the odd time here or there that I will just not have the energy to pursue my goals all the time (ie. I am trying to forgive myself for the moments I just want to crawl in bed and feel sad for myself).

 

Out of all of this, I am trying to remind myself that I am at rock bottom, so whatever I try now, is a bonus.

 

Everything you say makes sense and it feels like I’ll only be able to digest what you say in slow doses. I wish I could immediately evolve into seeing how far I’ve come or seeing the stronger version of myself, but I guess I’ll have to take my own time to get there. I really like it when you said that I’ll unknowingly acquire the tools that make me a stronger person but I won’t realise I’ve acquired those tools until I face hardship again in the future. That makes so much sense.

[Borntoelevate]

I secretly keep wishing that I get shot by some random stranger in the head so that I die on the spot with minimal pain or I die in my sleep. What's the point of this unending pain without your soulmate by your side? I really wish euthanasia was legalized and made available to the heartbroken people or people in emotional agony when the cure is something as vague as self development.

 

I hear you hope86. About 2 weeks ago I hit a dark spot (as is probably evidenced by my posts) where I literally wanted to die. I was listing ingredients that I had (Tramadol, Chloroform, random pain killers, Maxalon, MDMA) but I called a suicide hotline and pulled through. I am hoping I never go there again, but going to that place mentally was good in the sense, I felt I had reached rock bottom and whatever I did from there on was a bonus. Keep strong and know that you are not alone. We are here for you.

[hope86]

Thanks born. I'm trying to msg you but your profile doesn't have an option. Could you try msging me please?

Edited November 8, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Borntoelevate]

I can’t message you either. Do you have any other method of contact?

Edited November 8, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Jmurray1990]

having my ups and downs today, a lot negatives, positives trying to pop throw but struggling to come thru. i have so much positives in my life why is there one person and controls that, weird! hoping something changes soon

[KissingFire]

I cannot stop thinking about him being gentle and loving with someone else. Holding her, calling her his angel like he did to me. It makes me sick to my stomach. A friend is taking me out for the day so I don't wallow.

 

Think of the bad... Keep thinking of the bad times...

[Chassit]

Well, it would be our fifth anniversary. I am so depressed.

[KissingFire]

I'm starting to re-train my brain to think of all the awful times whenever I think of the good. It works sometimes... Others not so much.

 

I still wake up every morning thinking of him. I still feel sick to my stomach when I realise what he's done. I still hate this woman he left me for.. How can she sleep at night knowing he was waiting to dump his girlfriend for her? I did this once when I was younger and I still feel regret... Someone left his girlfriend for me and at the time it was great. It's been almost 5 years since that incident and I contacted the girl a few years ago and told her how sorry I was. We ended up talking and we became friends. She moved away a while ago and I haven't seen her since, but maybe this is my karma for that.

 

Sigh... Today marks day 16 of NC and day 20 since we split... One day I hope I won't keep count.

[TurntSloth1]

Entering week 15 of NC. 15 weeks. Nearly 4 whole months and I still feel miserable.

 

I feel like I'm physically moving on by socialising, seeing other people, not looking at old pics etc... but mentally she's still always on my mind. Every spare minute. I wish we were still close.

 

Had an ok few weeks back in October but feeling like I'm back to square one recently. I'm tired today because I woke up at 5:30am dreaming of her.

 

Struggling to concentrate at work a bit which is a shame as it's quite busy here at the moment. Also just been told my landlord wants to sell the flat in a few months so I have that on my plate now as well, I don't care too much though really, she's the only thing that really bothers me these days. Crazy considering we haven't even talked for a whole season at this stage.

 

Gonna try to book some fun things in for the weekend so I can look forward to those at least, it's all a bit bleak otherwise!

[maybejune]

I was asked by two good friends why I have been a low profile on social media. I posted little to no. I lied to them.

 

I lied to my friend A that because my boss added me on FB and I don't feel comfortable to share freely. Well my boss isn't the reason.

 

I lied to my friend B that I had nothing new to share after living in the same city for so many years. Well, that's a lie.

 

The truth is, I wanted to tag my ex on social media when we were dating, but i felt he didn't want to go public with me, so I was waiting for him to get ready until I started to doubt about the relationship so I didn't want to share at all.

 

Social media gets the false impression that everyone else is living their happy lives, except me with my broken heart and everything in my lens is grey and cold. I am jealous of happy couples, I am jealous of their companion and I have so much self-pity. I become a loner and I hate to admit that. I want to be in a group, but I am afraid that people find out I haven't moved on...

 

A few weeks ago, I was in a better mood, I felt a sense of moving one: I and he are not compatible in many important ways. That's not what I want, and I will look for the way I can be comfortable.

[JP92]

This time of year definitely blows.

 

I'm in a pretty good state of mind most days but it does get old going through the holidays with nobody when everyone around you has someone. So many invites to parties that I should be thankful for but I am always the lone single person at these parties. I almost feel like a lot of the people at the parties feel sorry for me because it's the same story every year with me. Shouldn't let stuff like this derail me, but it hits hard some days.

[hope86]

Felt like going to my ex's location and stabbing her and him to death. Not sure if this is the anger phase of my grief but damn I would do it even if it meant prison. I so so badly want to see both of them suffer.

 

I CANNOT accept that she's enjoying herself while i'm suffering and writhing in pain. Utterly unacceptable and I'm going to get my ****ing revenge!!

Edited November 15, 2018 by hope86

[Borntoelevate]

Felt like going to my ex's location and stabbing her and him to death. Not sure if this is the anger phase of my grief but damn I would do it even if it meant prison. I so so badly want to see both of them suffer.

 

I CANNOT accept that she's enjoying herself while i'm suffering and writhing in pain. Utterly unacceptable and I'm going to get my ****ing revenge!!

 

How do you know that she has found another "him"? Even so, how do you know that she is truly happy? You can assume it, but won't know for sure. The other thing to remember is she may have moved on almost purely for survival needs. I don't know how old she is, but past 30, girls become nervous about the amount of time they have left to be viable partners, so they essentially become desperate. They may 'move on' with someone, but that doesn't mean they have emotionally moved on. There's definitely a difference.

 

If you are judging from Facebook photos, people tend to always only post happy times, but you don't see what is actually going on in the background. They don't post the fights, the tears and sad times. When was the last time you posted a photo of yourself crying?

 

Realise your anger is something within you. It is your own personal demons and really has nothing to do with her at all. She's only the most recent and relevant channel that caused your personal flaws to come out and thus you associate them with her, but they are entirely you and for you to solve alone.

Edited November 16, 2018 by Borntoelevate

[maybejune]

I felt better after writing down two days ago. Sleep is still a problem.