How are you coping today?

[Erlaad]

Again I need to vent.

 

It feels like everything is just so bloody hard. I am not even sure I still love her, I was infatuated with a girl the other week (one I will never see again, were at a traning session together) and I nwas happy, thought I was down and out with the ex(es).

 

Guess it was just my vanity.

 

there is no way back, I wouldn't go back even if I could. Too much hurt, too little trust (if any) left. But then why? Why all the memories coming back up? Why all the hurt thinking about her and what happened and how she's out there happy (probably) with someone else?

 

Am I just jealous of her moving on so fast?

 

I've been trying. I did my best to do it all right. Change myself, change my lifestyle. Go NC, do not accept breadcrumbs, I even sacrificed her family (whom I loved deeply) on the altar of "protecting myself". I did my best to suppress the anger, the pain, the trash talking. I never posted anything visible, kept everything inside. I acted the best I could, tried to be a grown up man.

 

And what good did it do to me? I'm here, hurt and alone, incapable of deciding if I'm ready for someone else, hurt again and again by my love and crushes, spiraling alone around a center of gravity that looks more and more like a black, deep and cold hole.

 

It all feels just like a façade, something that I put up so that the world thinks I'm doing the right thing. I'm the closest I've ever been to discovering myself yet I do not know who I am.

 

I'm constantly in pain, I'm in a penduluum of continuous dychotomies which tick my life towards my death. I have to keep up with expectations my ex had, my previous exes had, that my job has, that my family and friend have, that "karma" (sorry Tara, let me go on this one, I'm not thinking straight) has, and on top of it, the expectation that I set on my self.

 

And all the things I like to do either I fail at doing them (making me feel useless and lost) or just look so uncool, useless and unsexy themselves.

 

And in all this, the dumper is just partying around and having fun. Guess I can't really know that's the last thing I heard.

 

So much for making the world a better place. tonight I wish I could just make it all burn.

 

- (Dark) Erl

[seekingpeaceinlove]

I'm utterly depressed today. Up until last week I was doing great...then I saw him. For the first time in 6 months (since the break up), I spotted him...driving down the road on Sat. My heart flipped.

 

I haven't stopped thinking about him since. I haven't stopped waiting for the weekly breadcrumb from him since.

 

My heart feels heavy and I just feel...hopeless.

[Haydn]

You are not hopeless. You are beautiful my friend. Take that self pity!

 

 

I'm utterly depressed today. Up until last week I was doing great...then I saw him. For the first time in 6 months (since the break up), I spotted him...driving down the road on Sat. My heart flipped.

 

I haven't stopped thinking about him since. I haven't stopped waiting for the weekly breadcrumb from him since.

 

My heart feels heavy and I just feel...hopeless.

[Itspointless]

I did my best to suppress the anger, the pain, the trash talking. I never posted anything visible, kept everything inside. I acted the best I could, tried to be a grown up man.

I guess this is your answer. Suppression is never the answer when it comes to emotions. The only way is going through them and life them. That does not mean I recommended you to trash your ex publicly or personally, please don't. Hang in there man.

Edited February 7, 2014 by Itspointless

[brokeNlost]

5 months since breakup, I feel much better now versus then. However, still dealing with some depression and some lingering feeling of wanting to cry.

[Xemyd]

I just miss him so much.

 

Realistically, I know it won't happen, but I'd love to come home next Friday to find flowers from him.

[True Gent]

I cannot believe how well I'm doing, I got a bread crumb and I'm totally cool about it.

 

Just a couple of Weeks ago I would of crumbled at what she's text me tonight. I hope my positive outlook keeps going.

[seekingpeaceinlove]

Your kind words are helping me so much. Thank you, Haydn.

 

 

You are not hopeless. You are beautiful my friend. Take that self pity!

[JDPT]

Not until Friday. Right now I can only go twice a week.

 

Once I can routinely make it to the next shot without any dips or crashes my butt is going to be in there six days of every week. And at least three involving strength training.

 

My workout Monday was pretty awesome. I mean, yeah, I struggle with stuff, but I gave everything I had despite not having any lunch (my own fault) and low b vitamins!

 

I never remember he name of the machine, but it is actually one I can do well as long as I don't hyperextend, and tha is the one where the handles are straight out in front of you, and you grab them and bring your arms out to a 90 degree with your body. I LOVE that one!

 

Preacher curl?

That's the only machine I can think of with that description.

I over did it today, damn tibias hurt. And tomorrow I have another busy day, need to push through the pain. Still taking massive amounts of calcium, vitamin D, bone broth, glucosamine, cheese, yogurt, milk. I had two cigarettes today which of course is not only detrimental to my entire self but mostly my bones. I need to lay off the cigs for a while.

Looking forward to tomorrow!?

Push it!!!!!!!

[Xemyd]

I'm starting to fight with myself. It's hard convincing myself to not call him. I think the fact that it's almost valentines day is what's holding me back. I think I might after..... I just hate this constant feeling of wonder.

[AnyaNova]

Preacher curl?

That's the only machine I can think of with that description.

I over did it today, damn tibias hurt. And tomorrow I have another busy day, need to push through the pain. Still taking massive amounts of calcium, vitamin D, bone broth, glucosamine, cheese, yogurt, milk. I had two cigarettes today which of course is not only detrimental to my entire self but mostly my bones. I need to lay off the cigs for a while.

Looking forward to tomorrow!?

Push it!!!!!!!

 

Its not a curl, though. Your arms stay straight out, they just move (parting) from in front of you to straight out each of them to the sides, if that helps at all.

 

Yeah this cigarettes probably aren't helping much, there. But given what you are going through right now, I can't throw any stones in self-comfort land. To be honest, during the snowstorm I made a casserole that really wasn't on the gym diet, but it was so cold and nasty yet gorgeously beautiful outside that I just couldn't resist the comfort food idea.

 

Of course, I'm looking forward to tomorrow. I love my training sessions! And, I'm going to tell my trainer that I think turnabout is fair play. I think its only fair I get to see him do something that he struggles to do. :-)

 

My presentation, I think, went pretty well. Got some good work today. Just chilling with a book, my cat, and some cool music (the Zombies!). :-)

[JDPT]

Its not a curl, though. Your arms stay straight out, they just move (parting) from in front of you to straight out each of them to the sides, if that helps at all.

 

Yeah this cigarettes probably aren't helping much, there. But given what you are going through right now, I can't throw any stones in self-comfort land. To be honest, during the snowstorm I made a casserole that really wasn't on the gym diet, but it was so cold and nasty yet gorgeously beautiful outside that I just couldn't resist the comfort food idea.

 

Of course, I'm looking forward to tomorrow. I love my training sessions! And, I'm going to tell my trainer that I think turnabout is fair play. I think its only fair I get to see him do something that he struggles to do. :-)

 

My presentation, I think, went pretty well. Got some good work today. Just chilling with a book, my cat, and some cool music (the Zombies!). :-)

 

Ah-pec deck fly, you can certain isolate anyone's pecs with that machine.

And with regards to the snow, I can honestly say that sick and tired of it. It makes crutching myself around double the effort.

 

I get a kick out of watching trainers at the gym pushing their clients to do exercising even they can't perform. Hanging with the cat is always good company. I enjoy when the pup climbs on the couch with me and just throws himself at me.

[realfriends]

False hope dreams are the worst. They make your day start off horrible and just set you back. Ugh. I guess all I can do is make my day as good as possible

[Blizeow]

I feel like everyday gets harder... It's day 27 NC and 2 months post BU and I am not healing or feeling better. I keep myself extremely busy- I am trying new things, but nothing helps. I've tried eating my favorite foods (because post BU I have lost so much weight)... tried buying new music (because my old music now is plagued with "memories.") ETC...

 

I cry still every single day.

 

When does the crying stop?! I feel so hopeless- I am 28, and I have never ever reacted this way to a BU before. I am usually hurt, but can move on. This has devastated my entire life. I have never felt such sadness in my life. THERE IS ZERO COPING going on. I'm sad, worried, and fearful of the future.

[brokeNlost]

 

This is how I'm feeling today

[somedude81]

Had a really weird dream.

 

First off all, I might have like one dream a month. And when I do dream, it's usually about something stupid that doesn't make any sense. This was not one of those times.

 

I had dreamed that my ex and I were back at my place and talking about getting back together. Then it comes out that she slept with somebody in the two months that we've been broken up. Naturally I get really hurt and mad, so I throw my sunglasses on the floor. This scares her and she changes her mind. I try to convince her that it will be OK, but it doesn't work. Then I woke up, looked at the clock and saw that it was only 5am. I couldn't get the dream to continue.

[MissTrudy]

I made a countdown for when it's permissible for me to break no contact. I don't know if i will do it then but giving myself permission to do it makes it somewhat easier not to think about him each day.

 

I am keeping myself busy with work, catching up with friends, and travel. I started taking dance classes and I am rediscovering old hobbies, in addition to cultivating new ones. I am giving myself permission to feel bad and feel like I lost something important but I am not dwelling on it anymore. Keeping busy with hobbies really helps, as do having friends to talk to. I am thinking about doing something crazy to my appearance, like getting streaks of some unnatural color, just for a change.

[AnyaNova]

Ah-pec deck fly, you can certain isolate anyone's pecs with that machine.

And with regards to the snow, I can honestly say that sick and tired of it. It makes crutching myself around double the effort.

 

I get a kick out of watching trainers at the gym pushing their clients to do exercising even they can't perform. Hanging with the cat is always good company. I enjoy when the pup climbs on the couch with me and just throws himself at me.

 

I love the pec-deck fly. I like the snow to a certain extent, although two things really irritate me. The fact that my University doesn't see fit to make sure that several large patches of ice on the sidewalk down by the one parking lot most of us have to park in are actually cleared, and the horrible, horrible people in my apartment complex who keep taking that beautifully flat, perfectly shoveled spot (the spot that I spent quite a good amount of time and effort clearing for myself so that I could get my car out. I think there should be a law that each person has claim on their cleared spot until the snow is gone!).

 

Sorry about having to crutch around all of it.

 

And the trainers at the place I go to are pretty well trained themselves (I'd list their qualifications but that could potentially give away my location), so they can do everything that they are asking you to do 6000 times better than you could ever do it yourself.

 

Since you're living through my workouts , today's was great in one sense, because the applications for one of my classes that I had to present dealt with the goal of increasing upper arm strength, and the student who played "my client" definitely found it a good workout, and you wouldn't believe the improvement to my own workout today because of it.

 

But then the #)#*$&$)_#*#&$($) lightheadedness was back. I didn't even get to the the full last rep on the last set of exercises. I was close enough to passing out he wouldn't let me. He let me do a double set of battle ropes, but I didn't get to do the last balance board deal or the last elastic band thingie skate (I never see them written. I could remember them if I see them written, like now I will never forget the pec deck fly!).

 

In other news, earlier today I got all HSP overstimulated (and the sheer irony of that is how loud I get. I don't understand it. I wish I would get quiet when that happens, it would be better for me and less overstimulating in and of itself, but I don't) and feel like I embarrassed myself.

 

Though I am noticing in this coping things, my ex really isn't coming up much anymore. I think that must be a good thing.

 

Though it is truly bizarre. He has a near twin but clearly younger in the psych department of my university. AND then I saw another one of them right outside right after my class where one of his doppelgangers is a member--they all have a very unique facial structure and eye thing going on (I swear he must be part of an alien hybrid colony in my area, JK ex, if you on the off chance are reading this ), and I know it wasn't the one from my class, because he was wearing dress pants and this dude was in shorts. And seeing them around isn't making me sad or anything.

[Hoosfoos]

Not. Coping. At. All. Not even close.

[AnyaNova]

Not. Coping. At. All. Not even close.

 

*hugs*

 

I'm sorry you're feeling badly!

[ayudorama]

I feel confused.

 

While I am at a good place, some days I'm not sure where I'm headed. They say it's easier for a woman to 'move on' because they're the ones being chased by the men. True and false. There are suddenly many men popping out of nowhere trying to get close, even so much as going through my older brother just to get to me but why do I feel so.. Indifferent?

 

Today I find myself ruminating over a sporadic dream I had of my ex. We spoke. That's the first time we spoke in a dream. He asked how I was doing. I ignored his question and said "It's nice to finally be able to speak to you. I've missed you."

 

In that dream, he looked like he is positively glowing. And so was I.

 

I have accepted that we're not meant for each other. But I cannot seem to see past him. I guess what I'm really curious to know is if it is even possible for someone like me to love more than one person in that way (romantically) at a single time? I'm finding it hard.

[JDPT]

I love the pec-deck fly. I like the snow to a certain extent, although two things really irritate me. The fact that my University doesn't see fit to make sure that several large patches of ice on the sidewalk down by the one parking lot most of us have to park in are actually cleared, and the horrible, horrible people in my apartment complex who keep taking that beautifully flat, perfectly shoveled spot (the spot that I spent quite a good amount of time and effort clearing for myself so that I could get my car out. I think there should be a law that each person has claim on their cleared spot until the snow is gone!).

 

Sorry about having to crutch around all of it.

 

And the trainers at the place I go to are pretty well trained themselves (I'd list their qualifications but that could potentially give away my location), so they can do everything that they are asking you to do 6000 times better than you could ever do it yourself.

 

Since you're living through my workouts , today's was great in one sense, because the applications for one of my classes that I had to present dealt with the goal of increasing upper arm strength, and the student who played "my client" definitely found it a good workout, and you wouldn't believe the improvement to my own workout today because of it.

 

But then the #)#*$&$)_#*#&$($) lightheadedness was back. I didn't even get to the the full last rep on the last set of exercises. I was close enough to passing out he wouldn't let me. He let me do a double set of battle ropes, but I didn't get to do the last balance board deal or the last elastic band thingie skate (I never see them written. I could remember them if I see them written, like now I will never forget the pec deck fly!).

 

In other news, earlier today I got all HSP overstimulated (and the sheer irony of that is how loud I get. I don't understand it. I wish I would get quiet when that happens, it would be better for me and less overstimulating in and of itself, but I don't) and feel like I embarrassed myself.

 

Though I am noticing in this coping things, my ex really isn't coming up much anymore. I think that must be a good thing.

 

Though it is truly bizarre. He has a near twin but clearly younger in the psych department of my university. AND then I saw another one of them right outside right after my class where one of his doppelgangers is a member--they all have a very unique facial structure and eye thing going on (I swear he must be part of an alien hybrid colony in my area, JK ex, if you on the off chance are reading this ), and I know it wasn't the one from my class, because he was wearing dress pants and this dude was in shorts. And seeing them around isn't making me sad or anything.

 

 

Certain people can certainly be territorial and understandably so consider the substantial amount of physical effort set forth digging your vehicle out of the mess with have been experiencing this entire winter. I personally cannot wait for it to be over. If it wasn't for the damn tibias I probably wouldn't mind it as much but as of now it's been snow overload for me.

 

 

Well the gym where I go to which is LA Fitness is filled with avid athletes who frequent the facility as much as twice a day, like I used to do it when I was at my prime physically, this time around not so much. These guys look like they can compete in a body building competition. It can be humorous at times seen five guys surrounding one little woman, and of course they all hope to accomplish the same objective lol.

The gym has morphed into a place to apparently pick up chicks. I was cooling down from a sauna session as I overheard a conversation in the locker room. I can only assume this guy was talking to his buddy telling him something along the lines of "hey you should come, hella chicks here dude..." I immediately thought, what happened to just simply working out?

 

 

Sketching out workout plans and applying them to your benefit sounds like a plan. I'm happy to hear your "client" found it to be conducive to his/her upper body regiment. I've actually been contemplating going back to lifting, without exerting myself as much of course, and the first machine that came to mind was the seated pec-deck machine. Why not strengthen the upper level while the lower is under construction yes?

 

 

And yes, fully body workouts can certainly deplete resources but of course you are on top of it. I keep telling myself all day today, accept and embrace reality, accept and embrace reality, that's essentially all we can do at this point to live a somewhat healthier and conducive lives. It's seldom that I visit the breakup forum, I can't recall the last time I posted them, I've been mostly lurking around this section which probably resonates with where I stand in this point in life. As we continue to propel ourselves forward through life.

[Riou]

I wonder how did i ever dated a psycho like her.NC helped me realise what a horrible woman she was.A pretender who is too insecure to be real so i deleted her off everything.

[AnyaNova]

I feel confused.

 

While I am at a good place, some days I'm not sure where I'm headed. They say it's easier for a woman to 'move on' because they're the ones being chased by the men. True and false. There are suddenly many men popping out of nowhere trying to get close, even so much as going through my older brother just to get to me but why do I feel so.. Indifferent?

 

Today I find myself ruminating over a sporadic dream I had of my ex. We spoke. That's the first time we spoke in a dream. He asked how I was doing. I ignored his question and said "It's nice to finally be able to speak to you. I've missed you."

 

In that dream, he looked like he is positively glowing. And so was I.

 

I have accepted that we're not meant for each other. But I cannot seem to see past him. I guess what I'm really curious to know is if it is even possible for someone like me to love more than one person in that way (romantically) at a single time? I'm finding it hard.

 

I know what you mean about men popping out of the woodwork. Being shy and introverted, the getting close part is much harder for both them and me, but holy cow. In one of my classes alone, I've gotten attraction signals that were definitely aimed at me from three guys. All of them probably at least ten years younger than me (my mom jokes that I must be called by God to be a cougar. All I can say is no thank you! I am done with mommy issues. I'm getting off that insane bus to crazy town!).

 

You know. Human beings are hard wired to fall in love. It can happen pretty easily and quickly. I can't find it now, but there was a Psychology Today article that dealt with the subject and the Psychologist mentioned clients who in most cases didn't have any terrible mental illnesses or anything, who had just lost major relationship and fell in love very quickly (one woman in a week). Now, I advocate for taking time to heal and recover.

 

But it can happen fairly quickly. I mean, take one of the three guys from my class. I'm actually crushing on another guy who is an another sphere of my life. But one conversation alone with this guy throwing all sorts of attraction signals my way (and he was pretty attractive, only reason I put the brakes on my own responses is because I'm pretty sure that there is a significant age gap) but I must admit I was starting to get a little of the warm crushy tinglys and had to clamp down on them. He was pretty cute.

 

It can happen pretty fast.

 

So don't worry too much about that aspect.

[erklat]

I met this girl last night.

 

I knew her for some time but don't know how didn't notice her.

 

Was kind of low past week but haven't caved. If someone interested it is in my trhead.

 

45 days of NC yay