How are you coping today?

[Beachead]

Well I haven't posted on here in ages. Im a week out from a year since my fiancee dumped me. Im in a much better place, I'm in great shape, I'm almost done school, Im enjoying living on my own, Ive been dating an incredible woman and I can say that I've moved on. I think I still have some scars that show through once and a while but Im trying my best to understand and deal with them.

 

In my exes true fashion, she decided to reach out right when I was feeling my best, I almost expected it. She needed some of her stuff thats been collecting dust in my parents garage and then of course had to ask me how I am. It was a bit awkward actually she said she "had been talking with friends recently and my girlfriend looks sweet." It was bizarre and I don't quite understand why she had to bring that up right off the hop.. why not wait until I answer with how Ive been? not only that, but she's still dating the person she left me for so do you expect me to ask how thats been going???? just weird stuff. I told her I had no interest in having the conversation and that if she wanted her stuff back that was fine but I didn't care to discuss anything else. She responded with a "its a shame you cant have a friendly conversation". I think since she left me for someone else, Im the one who gets to decide when Im ready for a friendly conversation. I just didn't bother responding.

 

People do strange things sometimes, it never ceases to amaze me.

 

It's all guilt my friend.

 

Seeing you again reminded her of what she did which made her feel bad about herself. To stop feeling like that, she tried to converse with you but you weren't having it. She felt even worse so she tried to make you feel bad for being upfront and honest. The whole conversation was motivated by her need to soothe her guilt.

 

She left you to be with someone else and expects you to be okay talking to her. Would anyone be okay? I'm willing to bet she wouldn't be if happened to her. If it feels insincere, it's because it is.

 

You did the right thing by being upfront and honest. Good on you.

Edited May 21, 2018 by Beachead

[Mac0908]

Out of ALL of her photos, the infamous photo of her alone at the museum, the photo that was the topic of our final bitter conversation, was not suspiciously deleted.

 

EDIT:

Out of ALL of her photos, the infamous photo of her alone at the museum, the photo that was the topic of our final bitter conversation, was NOW* suspiciously deleted.

[Beachead]

Very glad to hear you are doing ok after that. I feel like something like that can be more of a quick shock than anything else but then you have to give yourself a good slap in the face and remember just how much progress you made and how you can get past it. Those types of moments happened to me several times.

 

I've been doing VERY well, in a lot of ways. Thinking of doing one big update thread but for the most part I've just been healing well. As far as notable stuff, at the 2 month mark of NC I kid you not just as I was beginning to REALLY forget about her, I noticed she views my online dating profile (Match.com). It was as if the emotional gods somehow told her I'm just about over her so do something to get him thinking about you again.

 

It might sound like nothing to many, but it really shocked me for a little bit. To see how she had the gall and the nerve to click my page knowing I'd see that, to see her back on a dating site after all she put me through(even though I saw her on there already before. Never viewed her myself tho). Her selfishness, this time with curiosity, was obviously still very much there. I won't lie that she re-entered my head after that for another good few weeks before fading out again. Ultimately it just ended up being some nice validation for me knowing that there was at least SOME interest still there on her part so much that she had to click.

 

Then, about a week later I peaked at her Instagram (guilty, I know), and noticed something very interesting. Out of ALL of her photos, the infamous photo of her alone at the museum, the photo that was the topic of our final bitter conversation, was not suspiciously deleted. When I last peaked a month earlier it was still there. My Christmas gift to her of course were 2 tickets to this museum that she had told me, even after she blew me off, that she'd like to go with me sometime. Then when she posted the pic of it, I texted her saying "Wow" in what would begin our final conversation together. Again, I wondered. Was this all a ploy? Was she realizing just how awful the online dating world really is and was just too afraid to reach back out to me so tried anything she could to see if I'd go to her? It really messed with my head again, but I ultimately did nothing.

 

See the bottom line is if she was mature and truly realized what a great guy I was and what a big mistake she made, she would have never gone months without contacting me. If she ever returned now it would just be painfully obvious its bc she has no other options. Her excuse would be well, she thought I hated her and was afraid, but lets be honest a girl will move mountains to get to a guy she likes a lot. She didn't like me enough after ALL I did for her even in the short time we dated. I want a girl who does in fact like me a lot and makes me her first option.

 

Exactly. A girl will move mountains to get to a guy she likes a lot.

 

When they like you, they see the positive.

 

You're funny. You're passionate about work. You're not jobless and lazy, you're taking some time to recuperate. Being with you makes them happy.

 

And yes they'll make themselves available any day of the week to hang out with you and if they're not, they'll offer an alternative.

When they don't want to be with you, all those positives get twisted into negative.

 

You're humor is annoying. You're obsessed with work. You're jobless and lazy. Being with you feels like an obligation. They're suddenly busy.

 

If she doesn't find reason enough to contact you, it doesn't matter what she feels. No amount of speculation will ever be a fact. All we can do is then assume they moved on. Unless it's an actual attempt to talk to me sincerely or to meet up with me, I consider everything else negligable. I keep it binary to simplify because the peace of mind I gain from it outweighs the stress and headache I get from overanalyzing. And that benefit allows me to concentrate on bettering other aspects of my life instead of having it all suffer.

Edited May 21, 2018 by Beachead

[Jsos91]

I'm curious did you and this new woman post a photo on social media together? Or do you have a mutual friend with your ex where any info about the new girl could have gotten back to her?

 

Yeah we've been dating long enough that there are a couple pictures of us together... I have her blocked and my girlfriends account is private though so how she saw anything is a mystery to me.

[Jsos91]

It's all guilt my friend.

 

Seeing you again reminded her of what she did which made her feel bad about herself. To stop feeling like that, she tried to converse with you but you weren't having it. She felt even worse so she tried to make you feel bad for being upfront and honest. The whole conversation was motivated by her need to soothe her guilt.

 

She left you to be with someone else and expects you to be okay talking to her. Would anyone be okay? I'm willing to bet she wouldn't be if happened to her. If it feels insincere, it's because it is.

 

You did the right thing by being upfront and honest. Good on you.

 

Yeah she's contacted me I think 6 or 7 times since she broke up with me and I haven't contacted her once. This is the first time she's tried to talk about my life with me though, every other time was just about items she wanted back and once was to see if I wanted to adopt her pet rabbit (weird). I know she's just wanting me to be friendly so its confirmation that what she did was okay, I'll never give that to her. Ending things if you're unhappy is one thing, but what she did was something I could never look past, Im better off with out her in my life on any level.

[zouz71]

I am done with her , but still being hurt constantly through kids .

she asks them to request non logical services from me ...

and they are being used .

 

 

I feel awfull , cause when i try to put things on track i become the bad father as I am not helping them much , and when I do things , I feel abused ....

 

 

It is an awful game , and legally there is always a loop hole .

I am unable to carry with my own life ....

[JP92]

I can't eat or sleep. I feel dead inside. So not coping with it well but it's still very fresh(Saturday). She told me she'd be OK staying in touch and being friends but I feel like if I stay in touch, I'll always want more than friends. It's tough to know that the best move for you is to eliminate someone you loved deeply from your life for good after just thinking a couple days ago they were the one. I'm worried that this is going to make my work performance suffer along with other things in my life. Actually not worried, I know that's going to be the case. I couldn't fake a smile if I tried.

[Cora]

So I just found out today that my ex is moving. Out of stupidity and curiosity I looked online at the pictures of his house that’s for sale. Not really sure what I was going to gain by doing so. I guess I just wanted to see if it was how I remembered it. It’s been thee years since I’ve stepped foot in that house. For the most part it looked the same, except for a few added feminine touches. Same old sofa we used to sit on. Same hideous carpet. Same bare kitchen except now he actually has a kitchen table. I still remember us eating dinner on his sofa in the living room because he hadn’t gotten around to getting a table. I noticed that two of his spare bedrooms were fixed up as kids bedrooms. So I guess either his now girlfriend and her two kids moved in or they spend a lot of time there.

 

For whatever reason this affected me harder than I thought. Not sure if what bothered me more was the fact that his girlfriend and two kids had practically moved in or the fact that he’s moving and I don’t know the reason why or where he’s moving to. And yes I know it’s none of my business and I have no right to know. It sounds weird I know, but at least where he lives now...I knew where it was...knew where to find him. Not that I would ever set foot anywhere near his house and haven’t for three years. It’s just the thought if that makes any sense.

And the whole thing with his girlfriend and kids living with him....I knew all along he had made a life with this woman, but it’s as if seeing these pictures solidified it...made things real if you know what I mean.

 

The best way I know how to describe it is going to see your childhood home for the first time in years, but realizing everything had changed and nothing was the same as you remember. Realizing that it wasn’t yours anymore. That strangers live there now. That’s how he feels to me. He’s a stranger. Someone that used to be familiar is no longer recognizable. He’s living a new life with someone new and I just have to accept it and move on. I have to let go of him once and for all. I know I’m rambling, but it felt good to get out...

[StrangerThanFiction]

It’s an ongoing battle with depression and anxiety right now, but at least I can say I’m still fighting I guess. For the last month or so I haven’t looked after myself as well as I should have. Haven’t been drinking or anything like that, but I stopped eating healthy and exercising and I’ve been putting on weight because of it. I feel like crap. Usually after a BU I’m spurred into self improvement, but this time felt different. It didn’t end badly and I never really received any closure and I think maybe that’s why I’ve had a hard time letting go. Blocking him on social media was the first step, now I just have to commit to the fact that it’s over and that’s it. A part of me still hopes though, and that’s ridiculous because I know there is none. Now just to convince my heart of that.

 

So, in the hopes of feeling better, today I decided to re-commit myself to a healthy diet, regular exercising, and keeping up with daily meditation. I know doing this will help me to feel both physically and mentally better. I have no interest in sex or dating right now and I’m going to focus more on myself and my career for the foreseeable future. I’m nowhere near ready to throw myself back into the meat grinder that is dating or FWB so I’m going to take some time for me without distractions. In between my two most recent exes I realize I should’ve taken more time for just that, but I guess I got lonely. That’s a stupid reason to enter a relationship with someone who I knew from the start wasn’t going to last. Knew it but did it anyway and here I am feeling sh*tty. Lesson hopefully learned.

 

I’ve started reading Mr.Unavailable and the Fallback Girl as was suggested to me a long time ago by a member on here and it’s given me a lot of insight into why I’ve chosen the men I have in the past. They are basically the same man over and over again in different packages. Wish I would’ve read this book when it was first recommended because I’m certain I would’ve made some choices a lot differently and I never would’ve put up with the crappy treatment I did for as long as I did. I’m going to work on those issues. Hopefully soon I’ll be back to the happy confident woman I was before my ex came along instead of this depressed, stressed out shadow I am now.

[Cora]

Today my little brother tells me that the girl he’s been dating are officially in a relationship. He’s always been able to move on quickly and has never had any trouble getting into relationships with someone he really likes. That is one thing I really envy about him. Just last year he broke things off with his fiancé after he found her cheating on him. I’d still be a blubbering mess, but I guess some people just heal quicker than others. I love my brother very much and we are super close and it makes me happy to see him so happy after the hell he went through last year, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t just a little jealous of him.

 

I guess it’s because it takes me forever to find someone I feel comfortable enough to let in...to get close to. I’m very hesitant. Then once I find someone and get to the point of letting them in and showing my vulnerability....they leave. And I retreat back into my shell to lick my wounds and the long process starts all over again. Which is why I don’t find it worth it anymore. I’ve been through this process over and over again and as much as I crave someone I can love who loves me back, I’m just tired. That’s why I’ve given up on dating.

 

It’s just days like today....seeing others so happy and in love....leaves me feeling a little melancholic.

[Beachead]

Today my little brother tells me that the girl he’s been dating are officially in a relationship. He’s always been able to move on quickly and has never had any trouble getting into relationships with someone he really likes. That is one thing I really envy about him. Just last year he broke things off with his fiancé after he found her cheating on him. I’d still be a blubbering mess, but I guess some people just heal quicker than others. I love my brother very much and we are super close and it makes me happy to see him so happy after the hell he went through last year, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t just a little jealous of him.

 

I guess it’s because it takes me forever to find someone I feel comfortable enough to let in...to get close to. I’m very hesitant. Then once I find someone and get to the point of letting them in and showing my vulnerability....they leave. And I retreat back into my shell to lick my wounds and the long process starts all over again. Which is why I don’t find it worth it anymore. I’ve been through this process over and over again and as much as I crave someone I can love who loves me back, I’m just tired. That’s why I’ve given up on dating.

 

It’s just days like today....seeing others so happy and in love....leaves me feeling a little melancholic.

 

You literally described me. One failure after another. Family, friends, friends of friends so on so forth continue to meet people, get engaged, married, have children and I have to continuously watch people I've become intimate with walk away.

 

Sometimes I wonder if it's because of who I am that I keep experiencing this or is it the other way around? The chicken or the egg?

 

Used to blame myself. Maybe if I put on more muscle. Maybe if I lowered my voice when I speak. Maybe if I was a bit more serious. Maybe if I had joked a bit more. I realized living life just to appease others was no life at all. I wasn't even being me. And if being me meant being alone, so be it...and I gave up too.

 

I focus on plan B now.

Edited May 23, 2018 by Beachead

[JP92]

Man, whenever I think I am showing signs of strength, I feel weak all over again. I can't stop thinking about great things seemed and how it all ended so quickly and left me blindsided.. Feeling like I was never given a chance to talk about what was possibly bothering her or having a shot at fixing whatever it was is making this such a hard pill to swallow.

 

Everywhere I go, there are constant memories of her. From my apartment, to every place I visit. We shared so much and these memories are making me miss her even more

[Beachead]

Man, whenever I think I am showing signs of strength, I feel weak all over again. I can't stop thinking about great things seemed and how it all ended so quickly and left me blindsided.. Feeling like I was never given a chance to talk about what was possibly bothering her or having a shot at fixing whatever it was is making this such a hard pill to swallow.

 

Everywhere I go, there are constant memories of her. From my apartment, to every place I visit. We shared so much and these memories are making me miss her even more

 

That's how it is my friend. Ups and downs for a long time. But eventually, they'll become less frequent and less intense and your mood will start to level out. The bad days will lessen and return to normal amount and the good days will respectively increase. And at some point, you'll catch yourself checking out someone new and realize at that moment how far you've come. It sneaks up on you like that.

 

Until then, just gotta bite the bullet, ride it out day by day and take the opportunity to learn more about yourself. There's no better time to do that than now when you're feeling the extremities. Everything you learn from the recovery, you will apply to your future.

 

I've heard many people in real life and on here talk about their experiences in the same way. Months passed by and I saw them improve little by little. Many of the people on here who did talk about their experiences aren't on here anymore because they've recovered and carried on. As will you.

 

I guarantee it.

 

- Beach

Edited May 23, 2018 by Beachead

[wishyouneverleft]

That's how it is my friend. Ups and downs for a long time. But eventually, they'll become less frequent and less intense and your mood will start to level out. The bad days will lessen and return to normal amount and the good days will respectively increase. And at some point, you'll catch yourself checking out someone new and realize at that moment how far you've come. It sneaks up on you like that.

 

Until then, just gotta bite the bullet, ride it out day by day and take the opportunity to learn more about yourself. There's no better time to do that than now when you're feeling the extremities. Everything you learn from the recovery, you will apply to your future.

 

I've heard many people in real life and on here talk about their experiences in the same way. Months passed by and I saw them improve little by little. Many of the people on here who did talk about their experiences aren't on here anymore because they've recovered and carried on. As will you.

 

I guarantee it.

 

- Beach

 

 

 

 

Glad to see your still around! I don't know why, but all of a sudden I get hit with these gut punches of emotions. Out of no where I start missing her like mad, things start coming back to me about her and I close my eyes; there she is, her touch, her sensible smile. I miss her so much. I don't know why, things are going good with my woman. I've never had this before. I've never been stuck on an ex.

[Beachead]

Glad to see your still around! I don't know why, but all of a sudden I get hit with these gut punches of emotions. Out of no where I start missing her like mad, things start coming back to me about her and I close my eyes; there she is, her touch, her sensible smile. I miss her so much. I don't know why, things are going good with my woman. I've never had this before. I've never been stuck on an ex.

 

I'm still around. The people need some help and it helps me to help them so I stick around. Good to see you again. Apart from the recent set-back, do you feel things have improved overall?

 

Ps. My ex is getting married to her ex. Found out back in March. How about that huh?

[JP92]

Beachead, you are seriously an awesome person. You take the time to reply to so many heartbroken people with words of wisdom. Thanks.

[Cora]

You literally described me. One failure after another. Family, friends, friends of friends so on so forth continue to meet people, get engaged, married, have children and I have to continuously watch people I've become intimate with walk away.

 

Sometimes I wonder if it's because of who I am that I keep experiencing this or is it the other way around? The chicken or the egg?

 

Used to blame myself. Maybe if I put on more muscle. Maybe if I lowered my voice when I speak. Maybe if I was a bit more serious. Maybe if I had joked a bit more. I realized living life just to appease others was no life at all. I wasn't even being me. And if being me meant being alone, so be it...and I gave up too.

 

I focus on plan B now.

 

I have the exact same thoughts. I don’t know about you, but since I’ve given up I’ve felt a sense of relief. I’m no longer anxious anymore...worrying what I’m going to do, say, dress, react etc. Wondering if I’m good enough to keep a partner or if there will always be someone better and I’m just the “will do for right now until I can find someone better” person? No more first date anxieties and getting to know someone, being vulnerable and falling in love only for them to leave or cheat on you. I feel free. I can do as I want and go as I please.

 

But as free as I feel....there will always be that feeling of something missing. That emptiness...that void that only a partner can fill. It doesn’t help that their are reminders everywhere that you are alone. Especially with a society built towards couples.

 

I guess we just have to keep on keeping on. I look at it now like this....if it’s meant for me to find someone then great, but I’m no longer going to search for love. I’m no longer going to expect it to happen someday and I’m no longer getting my hopes up. Been there done that and came crashing down many many times.

[Beachead]

I have the exact same thoughts. I don’t know about you, but since I’ve given up I’ve felt a sense of relief. I’m no longer anxious anymore...worrying what I’m going to do, say, dress, react etc. Wondering if I’m good enough to keep a partner or if there will always be someone better and I’m just the “will do for right now until I can find someone better” person? No more first date anxieties and getting to know someone, being vulnerable and falling in love only for them to leave or cheat on you. I feel free. I can do as I want and go as I please.

 

But as free as I feel....there will always be that feeling of something missing. That emptiness...that void that only a partner can fill. It doesn’t help that their are reminders everywhere that you are alone. Especially with a society built towards couples.

 

I guess we just have to keep on keeping on. I look at it now like this....if it’s meant for me to find someone then great, but I’m no longer going to search for love. I’m no longer going to expect it to happen someday and I’m no longer getting my hopes up. Been there done that and came crashing down many many times.

 

Yep, I get it. Word for word.

 

Like you, I was never more than a transitional point for my exes. Only I'd discover that when they'd decide to leave. Then I'd sit there dumbfounded wondering how the hell, with all my experience, I couldn't see it coming. I'd blame myself but the truth is, apart from some very obvious red flags, there's really no way to tell with someone. You just have to see and hope to god they stick. Only for me, they never did. People ask me if I have anyone special and I just don't know what to tell them.

 

It's particularily why I withdrew from my social life and put all my focus onto me. I have other interests besides being a boyfriend. And atleast my happiness in pursuit of these interests don't depend on someone else.

 

Like you said, it's both freeing and peaceful but there's an underlying emptiness because I do desire companionship/intimacy. But, if this is how it is, this is how it is. I made my peace with that as well.

Edited May 24, 2018 by Beachead

[Beachead]

Beachead, you are seriously an awesome person. You take the time to reply to so many heartbroken people with words of wisdom. Thanks.

 

No worries JP92. Keep on fighting for yourself.

 

- Beach

[Cora]

Yep, I get it. Word for word.

 

Like you, I was never more than a transitional point for my exes. Only I'd discover that when they'd decide to leave. Then I'd sit there dumbfounded wondering how the hell, with all my experience, I couldn't see it coming. I'd blame myself but the truth is, apart from some very obvious red flags, there's really no way to tell with someone. You just have to see and hope to god they stick. Only for me, they never did. People ask me if I have anyone special and I just don't know what to tell them.

 

It's particularily why I withdrew from my social life and put all my focus onto me. I have other interests besides being a boyfriend. And atleast my happiness in pursuit of these interests don't depend on someone else.

 

Like you said, it's both freeing and peaceful but there's an underlying emptiness because I do desire companionship/intimacy. But, if this is how it is, this is how it is. I made my peace with that as well.

 

Exactly, I understand completely. Did your ex tell you they were done? Or did you catch them cheating? I’m sorry if you’ve already explained your situation.....I haven’t read all the posts. And if you don’t want to answer you don’t have to. I’m just always curious about how others relationships end. With me there seems to be a pattern....I’m normally ghosted with no warning whatsoever. Or perhaps I’m just too blind to see the warnings. Since this seems to be a pattern with me it must be an issue on my end. I’m just trying to figure out what that is so I can change. I think it hurts more when you’re left with no closure. Sometimes I tell myself I’d be better off if I had just caught them cheating on me. Maybe I’d heal faster. The not knowing and silence is what eats away at me

 

But eh...what do I know?

[Beachead]

Exactly, I understand completely. Did your ex tell you they were done? Or did you catch them cheating? I’m sorry if you’ve already explained your situation.....I haven’t read all the posts. And if you don’t want to answer you don’t have to. I’m just always curious about how others relationships end. With me there seems to be a pattern....I’m normally ghosted with no warning whatsoever. Or perhaps I’m just too blind to see the warnings. Since this seems to be a pattern with me it must be an issue on my end. I’m just trying to figure out what that is so I can change. I think it hurts more when you’re left with no closure. Sometimes I tell myself I’d be better off if I had just caught them cheating on me. Maybe I’d heal faster. The not knowing and silence is what eats away at me

 

But eh...what do I know?

 

No that's okay, I've shared before.

 

My recent relationship in retrospect was something I shouldnt' have gotten myself into. Had I played it safe and logically like I always did, I would avoided the heartbreak she delivered me. But, the heart wants what it wants sometimes.

 

When I met her, she was currently having a lot of problems with her boyfriend of 4 years. They had taken space. Her FB status was even single. It started off as a short text conversation once a week and blew up to all day everyday in a matter of weeks. A lot of the push was coming from her end. She'd start the conversations and carry them and went out of her way to do nice things for me. I let her in because I admittedly liked it. We both finally admitted that there was something there. She officially ended with him to be with me.

 

The time we spent together was beautiful. She expressed on many occasions her appreciation for me and that she had only wished she met me sooner. That I was what she always wanted in a boyfriend. That it only took me a few weeks to do what her previous boyfriend never did until she left him. We were intimate, spent nearly everyday together. She started talking about kids. One day, she told me she loved me and shortly after wanted me to meet her family, especially her sister..and she made those plans and we had a date set for it.

 

But her ex was still in the picture trying to win her over and they would fight. She'd often complain about him or compare me to him or get upset by a memory of him which affected us. It was unsettling for me. She'd be fine for 2 weeks only to have a moment and leave me for a day, but then come back the next day. Each time she did, she was a little more off, a little more distant and pretty soon this happy person seemed miserable. That got to me.

 

Her negative reactions affected me and I started to behave in ways that would affect her and it got worse and worse. But the problem was never about us. It was about him. And after some conversations that left me feeling eerily similar to how I felt in my previous relationship, I ended it. She wasn't over him and I knew it. After the first week post breakup, she wanted to continue talking. I told her no. She begged me to respond to her whenever she would check up on me. Said it would be once in awhile. Told me to keep all the gifts she bought. Shortly after, she cut me out. They're getting married this summer.

 

And that's how that story ended.

 

Dating me helped the both of them rediscover their love. Great for them. Terrible for me. But someone's gotta lose right?

Edited May 25, 2018 by Beachead

[Cora]

No that's okay, I've shared before.

 

My recent relationship in retrospect was something I shouldnt' have gotten myself into. Had I played it safe and logically like I always did, I would avoided the heartbreak she delivered me. But, the heart wants what it wants sometimes.

 

When I met her, she was currently having a lot of problems with her boyfriend of 4 years. They had taken space. Her FB status was even single. It started off as a short text conversation once a week and blew up to all day everyday in a matter of weeks. A lot of the push was coming from her end. She'd start the conversations and carry them and went out of her way to do nice things for me. I let her in because I admittedly liked it. We both finally admitted that there was something there. She officially ended with him to be with me.

 

The time we spent together was beautiful. She expressed on many occasions her appreciation for me and that she had only wished she met me sooner. That I was what she always wanted in a boyfriend. That it only took me a few weeks to do what her previous boyfriend never did until she left him. We were intimate, spent nearly everyday together. She started talking about kids. One day, she told me she loved me and shortly after wanted me to meet her family, especially her sister..and she made those plans and we had a date set for it.

 

But her ex was still in the picture trying to win her over and they would fight. She'd often complain about him or compare me to him or get upset by a memory of him which affected us. It was unsettling for me. She'd be fine for 2 weeks only to have a moment and leave me for a day, but then come back the next day. Each time she did, she was a little more off, a little more distant and pretty soon this happy person seemed miserable. That got to me.

 

Her negative reactions affected me and I started to behave in ways that would affect her and it got worse and worse. But the problem was never about us. It was about him. And after some conversations that left me feeling eerily similar to how I felt in my previous relationship, I ended it. It was because I gathered she wasn't over him and not to my surprise, she went back to him 2 days after and a few weeks after that, she cut me out altogether. It was a weird ending. She was the one who wanted to keep talking after the breakup. Seemed awfully upset that I told her no. She even begged me to respond if she ever checked up on me again. Even told me to keep all the gifts she bought. But, not long after, she promised him she wouldn't speak to me again and that was that. I assume, he made her promise him and she obliged. Recently, a friend told me they were getting married this summer.

 

And that's how that story ended.

 

Dating me helped the both of them rediscover their love and that's what I do best. To give her the benefit of the doubt, I don't think she was aware she did it.

 

 

Oh wow, I’m so sorry you had to go through that. I can’t imagine how much that sucked. Your story actually sounds eerily similar to my brothers situation last year except he was engaged. His fiancé basically wasn’t over her ex. She’d still talk to him while her and my brother were together. My brother found all these emails exchanged back and forth between them. The ex expressing how he wanted her back and her telling him she still loved him. She even met up with him telling my brother there were a lot of unresolved issues and she needed to meet up with him for closure. My brother didn’t think it was a good idea, but she refused to take his feelings into account and met up with the ex anyway. She basically blackmailed my brother into getting engaged by telling him he had a timeline to propose or she would go back to her ex. Of course that should of been a big red flag for my brother, but like you said, the heart wants what the heart wants. Luckily, he saw the light before he married her, but I’ve never seen him so broken as he was after that.

 

Anyway, thanks for sharing your story again. Wishing you peace and happiness.

Edited May 25, 2018 by Cora

[Beachead]

Oh wow, I’m so sorry you had to go through that. I can’t imagine how much that sucked. Your story actually sounds eerily similar to my brothers situation last year except he was engaged. His fiancé basically wasn’t over her ex. She’d still talk to him while her and my brother were together. My brother found all these emails exchanged back and forth between them. The ex expressing how he wanted her back and her telling him she still loved him. She even met up with him telling my brother there were a lot of unresolved issues and she needed to meet up with him for closure. My brother didn’t think it was a good idea, but she refused to take his feelings into account and met up with the ex anyway. She basically blackmailed my brother into getting engaged by telling him he had a timeline to propose or she would go back to her ex. Of course that should of been a big red flag for my brother, but like you said, the heart wants what the heart wants. Luckily, he saw the light before he married her, but I’ve never seen him so broken as he was after that.

 

Anyway, thanks for sharing your story again. Wishing you peace and happiness.

 

It still gets to me but getting my head back on track afterwards is becoming easier and easier with time. The way I see it, at the time, I did the best I could with who I was. Despite that, she returned to him. Not much else I could do.

 

Her decision isn't fact or truth. Doesn't hold any bearing on my success with someone new nor does it even reflect who I am today. It's an outdated evaluation.

 

Glad your brother was strong enough to cut that girl loose. He dodged a bullet.

 

Stay strong

Edited May 25, 2018 by Beachead

[Mac0908]

She basically blackmailed my brother into getting engaged by telling him he had a timeline to propose or she would go back to her ex. Of course that should of been a big red flag for my brother, but like you said, the heart wants what the heart wants. Luckily, he saw the light before he married her

 

And THIS is why women are crazy, lol.

 

Thank the lord he didn't end up with her.

 

@beachead, I'm just curious, do you think the fact that YOU ended it with her and not vice versa is a big reason it's taken you so long to get over this? Meaning have you had many thoughts of "what if?" you just stuck around and played it out seeing if you could have really ended up winning her over so to speak? Don't get me wrong I still think you made the right decision but when she tried keeping in touch and texting you, do you ever think about what would have happened if you reciprocated and kept in touch in some form? Do you think she was truly still interested at that point or did she just want her cake and eat it too with the both of you?

[Beachead]

And THIS is why women are crazy, lol.

 

Thank the lord he didn't end up with her.

 

@beachead, I'm just curious, do you think the fact that YOU ended it with her and not vice versa is a big reason it's taken you so long to get over this? Meaning have you had many thoughts of "what if?" you just stuck around and played it out seeing if you could have really ended up winning her over so to speak? Don't get me wrong I still think you made the right decision but when she tried keeping in touch and texting you, do you ever think about what would have happened if you reciprocated and kept in touch in some form? Do you think she was truly still interested at that point or did she just want her cake and eat it too with the both of you?

 

Hmm good question.

 

I know what led to my decision to end it and I did stay after we broke up, responding to her messages. Did that because I didn't want to look back a year from now and wonder if I had left too quickly. There was no interest from her in the end. By then, she had spent so long lying to herself in the relationship, torn between her emotions that she was emotionally exhausted. She thought about her ex, she missed him, she had guilt, she had doubts but she was stuck with me. She was realizing she was going to have to hurt me. Going back to him was therefore a relief. The lies, the guilt, the hardships could all stop. She knew going back to him meant he'd forbid her to speak to me again and she did it anyway.

 

What bothers me tremendously is the way I reacted to problems in relationship. I discovered holes in my resolve and past issues resurfacing when she'd go back and forth or her ex was in the picture. I couldn't control my anxiety. So I said and did things when my mind was stressed that I regret. Couldn't be the guy I wanted to really be.

Edited May 27, 2018 by Beachead