AnyaNova Posted February 5, 2014 Posted February 5, 2014 Anya didn't you start dating someone? Did that not really lead to anything? We had two dates. The first was pretty decent. The second went downhill fast. Up to and including him assuming we would be doing all sorts of things in the future without bothering to see if I wanted that and inviting me on an overnight trip. Very clearly not compatible in some key areas. I won't even start on the drinking. I really should call the dude back and at least let him know and not disappear, I'm just really not looking forward to it.
AnyaNova Posted February 5, 2014 Posted February 5, 2014 Great another snow storm starting tonight. I had a few things lined up for tomorrow but it might be best for me to stay indoors. I pushed myself crutching around today. I had dinner with the family and surprisingly had a pretty decent time. On my way back home I thought of the ex for some crazy reason or perhaps surrounding restaurants subconsciously reminded me as we used to frequent them. Luckily a Rolls Royce phantom on the road distracted me all the way home, I love cars. I love those awesome distractions! The longer the better. 1
Chris715 Posted February 5, 2014 Posted February 5, 2014 We had two dates. The first was pretty decent. The second went downhill fast. Up to and including him assuming we would be doing all sorts of things in the future without bothering to see if I wanted that and inviting me on an overnight trip. Very clearly not compatible in some key areas. I won't even start on the drinking. I really should call the dude back and at least let him know and not disappear, I'm just really not looking forward to it. Ah I'm sorry, I remember seeing you really happy on here at the time you met him. Guess it really is a numbers game right? I have still yet to take the step of going on a date, any date, since the entire nasty episode with my ex this last year. Really need to get on that.
AnyaNova Posted February 5, 2014 Posted February 5, 2014 I've gotten to the point where I can think of memories, like the gentle teeth-clicking reminder of our early kissing mishaps, or his odd thing where he'd keep saying that he preferred soft and gentle kisses, but then I would simply match his level, and they'd get deeper and harder, and then he'd stop and say that again like he thought I was the one that was making them that way. But I can think of these and smile. Not be sad. Not wish I'd never met him. Not cry or get angry or have a thing. Just smile. It's over and done. We could have been great, but he chose to smash us under his heel. That, in fact, would be his fundamental flaw. 2
Chris715 Posted February 5, 2014 Posted February 5, 2014 I've gotten to the point where I can think of memories, like the gentle teeth-clicking reminder of our early kissing mishaps, or his odd thing where he'd keep saying that he preferred soft and gentle kisses, but then I would simply match his level, and they'd get deeper and harder, and then he'd stop and say that again like he thought I was the one that was making them that way. But I can think of these and smile. Not be sad. Not wish I'd never met him. Not cry or get angry or have a thing. Just smile. It's over and done. We could have been great, but he chose to smash us under his heel. That, in fact, would be his fundamental flaw. Well you're definitely ahead of me in terms of progress. Any mention of my ex these days, any memory of her, and mention of anything related to her, brings out the worst of me in the form of anger and sadness. This too I need to work on. Guess we both need to keep pushing.
AnyaNova Posted February 5, 2014 Posted February 5, 2014 Ah I'm sorry, I remember seeing you really happy on here at the time you met him. Guess it really is a numbers game right? I have still yet to take the step of going on a date, any date, since the entire nasty episode with my ex this last year. Really need to get on that. When you are ready. Don't feel too pushed to do so. It was nice to go on another date, I'm not usually the one to get noticed, or asked, although okcupid seems to be alleviating that a little. Being highly shy and introverted, though, probably doesn't help on that score, much. 1
Chris715 Posted February 5, 2014 Posted February 5, 2014 When you are ready. Don't feel too pushed to do so. It was nice to go on another date, I'm not usually the one to get noticed, or asked, although okcupid seems to be alleviating that a little. Being highly shy and introverted, though, probably doesn't help on that score, much. I need to start pretending that every shy introverted girl is like you Normally I'll see them out in public and take their shyness/indifference as not being interested when I should know at least SOME of them are. 1
JDPT Posted February 5, 2014 Posted February 5, 2014 I love those awesome distractions! The longer the better. Absolutely-it's a slow day today, HGTV entertains my mind in the time being. It's all about acceptance. I accept the fact that today will be a slow day regardless of the fact that I had a few productive tasks lined up. I'll resume activities tomorrow. 1
Itspointless Posted February 5, 2014 Posted February 5, 2014 Wow, I think I finally can feel my anger. Feels good!!
freebird31 Posted February 5, 2014 Posted February 5, 2014 I'm doing fine today. Like I said, my ex has drifted and became just a memory now after almost 5 months of NC, and 9 of being broken up. It's weird. It's going to be a year since the BU soon. That's so long. Yet , it doesn't feel that long ago. I still wonder if he thinks about me or feels guilty for how decided to end things. I came across the picture that broke me heart. I remember me that day I saw that picture and how my heart literally felt like it was being stabbed. The pain. Almost unbearable pain that day. I still think to myself, how could he have done that to me. I respected his decision of wanting to break up. But everything after, all that drama and extra heart ache shouldn't have happened. I forgive him now. We are human and we make mistakes. We don't realize how stupid they are until after we make them. That's why they're called mistakes. I wonder if he feels consciously sorry though for what he did. Until I get an apology from him, I can't help but think he is a coward. But I mean like I said we all make mistakes. We are both still very young. So it makes sense why this happened to me. Although it was unnecessary. My opinion is I think he is scared. He did not know how to handle the break up and I think he was confused . He wanted to be single BUT truth is he still had feelings for me. That is not an excuse for how he treated me. And I hope he realizes that. I asked him to respect my space and he could not. Idk why! That should be common courtesy! But for whatever reason he disrespected me. I was a good girlfriend to him and I treated him with love and respect at all times. I was firm but I was fair. And I think that it scared him because even tho he told me he was ready for a serious relationship, He wasn't. I mean that part is obvious. But after enough reflection, I think it all comes down to him not being ready to be serious. I don't think it means he did not care about me or love me. But simply just wasn't ready to put me as one of his priorities. It has a lot to do with maturity. Idk. But I treated him very well like a king, but I made sure he respected me as well. I honestly think I was a great girlfriend. He had it really good with me. I was very sweet to him, never disrespected him. I gave him a lot of things. I mean he had it all with me! I never was possessive. In fact, I encouraged him to take a break from me to hang with his buddies! I did so much more ! Things that I'm positive any guy would enjoy. I was more than just an average gf, I was that extra UMPH that any guy is lucky to have. Not only that, but he had a lot of bonuses with me. My family loved him and treated him with love and welcomed him into our home. He loved my family. And I go to school and am a hard worker, where else will he find a girl who will do all those things I did for him with all these qualities? I respect his decison and perhaps he needs the time and space to realize what he had. And maybe that's smart. We all need some space for reflection. But in the end, I think he made a mistake. I think he lost here. He might have gained extra party time with his friends, more freedom. But he lost me . That's a big loss. But I let him have all of that! He could have had it all; friends, party time AND me. I never restrained him. He let a good thing go.
AnyaNova Posted February 5, 2014 Posted February 5, 2014 I need to start pretending that every shy introverted girl is like you Normally I'll see them out in public and take their shyness/indifference as not being interested when I should know at least SOME of them are. Please do! I'm learning to see signs of attraction from men, and how to (at least in the extremely early stages) respond. The other night after my training session, I went to the store and while standing in one line, I was pretty sure I caught a guy playing the " looking at you when you're not looking game". I was right, and I played back. And before I checked out we'd actually risked smilin at each other. But have patience with us, and watch us carefully, we probably will show signs, just much, much more subtly than extroverts, since we do like to give too much away about ourselves too soon! And if you keep working to get to know us we will show even more! 1
AnyaNova Posted February 5, 2014 Posted February 5, 2014 Absolutely-it's a slow day today, HGTV entertains my mind in the time being. It's all about acceptance. I accept the fact that today will be a slow day regardless of the fact that I had a few productive tasks lined up. I'll resume activities tomorrow. I love watching some of those shows! My cable is out and the box will need to be replaced I think, so with the snow day I doubt they could get out here anyway, or would. Well, I've got some work to do anyway, and I do plan on having some snow day fun! Though I have to say I can't wait until this deficiency is corrected to the point that I don't have to treat my life and energy like a small bank account, triaging what needs to be done based on my limited energy and how likely said activity is likely to speed the return of the crash before my next shot At least I am healed now, finally, from my breakup! It is a great feeling. 1
CaliGypsy Posted February 5, 2014 Posted February 5, 2014 Me? Today? Feels like there is not one area of life that is not screwed up. I know I'm not coping well at all. Yesterday was so bad I went and bought cigarettes. ( haven't smoked in over 3 years) smoked 3. Shared one with a homeless guy .( should have given him the pack. Ended up getting rid of them.. But of course at the moment wish I had them back. Haven't actually shared my story. Fragile and not seeking judgement yet obviously want support as I'm posting on the internets. I will only say that I separated from my husband of 29 years in late oct. Some days are okay and I feel confident and positive and other days I'm a mess. My advice to others? Based on being married for so long .Any issues you have early on? Try to resolve them at the time. Not working things out at the time leads to Anger and resentment on both sides. I want to move on, but some days it just feels overwhelming. I hate to keep burdening my mother and my BFF who I am currently living with ..I guess that's why I'm posting here.
JDPT Posted February 5, 2014 Posted February 5, 2014 I love watching some of those shows! My cable is out and the box will need to be replaced I think, so with the snow day I doubt they could get out here anyway, or would. Well, I've got some work to do anyway, and I do plan on having some snow day fun! Though I have to say I can't wait until this deficiency is corrected to the point that I don't have to treat my life and energy like a small bank account, triaging what needs to be done based on my limited energy and how likely said activity is likely to speed the return of the crash before my next shot At least I am healed now, finally, from my breakup! It is a great feeling. That's awesome, keep pushing forward, continue to pave a better future. I'm proud of you.
AnyaNova Posted February 5, 2014 Posted February 5, 2014 That's awesome, keep pushing forward, continue to pave a better future. I'm proud of you. Apologies. I realize I probably go on too much about it here. That is what I am doing. And thank you. I'm proud of you too. In fact, there are times when I start getting down about my life when I think about you, your two broken tibias and how well you are adjusting and thriving, despite everything. 1
JDPT Posted February 6, 2014 Posted February 6, 2014 Apologies. I realize I probably go on too much about it here. That is what I am doing. And thank you. I'm proud of you too. In fact, there are times when I start getting down about my life when I think about you, your two broken tibias and how well you are adjusting and thriving, despite everything. We are a team and cheer each other on. I'm not having the best day today. Powering through, powering through. 1
AnyaNova Posted February 6, 2014 Posted February 6, 2014 We are a team and cheer each other on. I'm not having the best day today. Powering through, powering through. I'm sorry that you're not having a great day. It happens. And making the choice to power through is a beautiful thing! Go team! 1
JDPT Posted February 6, 2014 Posted February 6, 2014 I'm sorry that you're not having a great day. It happens. And making the choice to power through is a beautiful thing! Go team! Thank you, how was your day today? Gym session? I'll live working out through you.
AnyaNova Posted February 6, 2014 Posted February 6, 2014 Thank you, how was your day today? Gym session? I'll live working out through you. Not until Friday. Right now I can only go twice a week. Once I can routinely make it to the next shot without any dips or crashes my butt is going to be in there six days of every week. And at least three involving strength training. My workout Monday was pretty awesome. I mean, yeah, I struggle with stuff, but I gave everything I had despite not having any lunch (my own fault) and low b vitamins! I never remember he name of the machine, but it is actually one I can do well as long as I don't hyperextend, and tha is the one where the handles are straight out in front of you, and you grab them and bring your arms out to a 90 degree with your body. I LOVE that one! 1
RDawg Posted February 6, 2014 Posted February 6, 2014 Missing her. So tempted.. been like this the past two weeks.. something about the 3 month of NC point that makes one really miss them? Not gonna do it though. Why give her the satisfaction? But at the same time what's the big deal.. can't we just see each other from time to time? This whole NC thing feels so contrived and unnatural. I'm starting to sound like Gollum from Lord of the Rings, debating with myself.. 'my precious..my precious'.. touch the stove, don't touch the stove.. oh fark it I think I'm going a bit mental. 2
True Gent Posted February 6, 2014 Posted February 6, 2014 Been coping incredibly well this past week. I've been moving house on my own, so lots to sort out along with getting the old place spruced up for handing the keys back. Been very busy and active honestly haven't had time to sit down or even think of anything but what I need to do. Really feeling positive about the start of a new life. Being alone for a while is going to be a good thing for now.
jphcbpa Posted February 6, 2014 Posted February 6, 2014 For the first time today I started thinking about going on a date. Going on 7 wks BU and NC
RightThere Posted February 6, 2014 Posted February 6, 2014 Terrible today. I was doing very well moving on with my life, but now I'm getting sucked back into limbo. If I had a wish in my heart, it would be to get back into the relationship and work on it, but I know she is not ready for that.
SadNLonley Posted February 6, 2014 Posted February 6, 2014 I thought I was on my way to recovery. I had a whole week of no crying, thinking of him less, and not feeling so bad. This week all of a sudden Im feeling overwhelmed with sadness of him not being in my life. we are at around 80 days on NC, but yesterday I looked at his FB. He hasn't posted anything this Christmas, so Its not like I saw anything i didnt want to see, but today has been horrible. I am at work and just want to crawl under my desk and cry cry cry. I so want to call him or text him. Im starting to wonder if I'll ever get past this. Im almost feeling like im having an anxiety attack. My heart is racing and im all jittery. Ugh i hate this feeling of not being able to move on without him in my life. I miss him so much!
iouaname Posted February 6, 2014 Posted February 6, 2014 Doing better each day. I've found that my recent "no contact bubble" has really been helping me a lot. I think separating myself for good from my ex and for a small time from our mutual friends and the similarities in our lives has been proving helpful. I still sometimes get angry and upset when I think about certain things that were said, but those feelings have been fading over time and I find myself thinking about him much, much less. I still sometimes get anxiety when it comes to feeling 'good enough,' but even that has been fading. I feel like I'm finally beginning to become happy with the person that I am. I think that part of that has been putting into practice the things that I've learned after the breakup. I've just been feeling much better in general, and I'm hoping to keep this up for as long as possible.
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