How are you coping today?

February 1, 2018

So, it's my 2nd day post-BU. I gave 6 years to him. He treated me like ****, but I never stopped loving him. Things just took for the worst when I was stranded on the road, crying and asking him for help, and all he did was block me when I tried to call him for help. "You crying cannot be the reason I don't do what's right for me." We fought because I was 15 minutes late. I'd informed him beforehand, even asked him to meet half an hour later. But, "you're on my schedule, not the other way around."

He's switched off his last seen (for the first time ever) and he's constantly online till late in the night. Takes time to respond to me. He's not at all interested in meeting and I'm sure he has someone else. If I truly love him, I should be happy for him.

But, yeah, it hurts like crazy. But, I refuse to give in this time. I will not let my crazy side take over me. I will go against every instinct that I have to call him, text him multiple times, or anything. I will not ask him to stay.

We both deserve happiness.

Edited February 1, 2018 by iwillgetoveryou

February 1, 2018

Ahh valentines day. Just a day for stores, flower places and candy companies to make money. Thank god I dont have to spend money on dinner and all the other nonsense. Glad thats over with. I need new wheels for mustang instead.

Not a single care will be given that day

It's true.

Valentines day is a tough holiday for most of us and it is coming up. Commercials and merchandise. Couples all over the place. Friends/Family telling you their plans with their spouse. Thoughts of exes and their plans.

I strongly urge everyone to truly give back to themselves on that day. Make it memorable, spontaneous and awesome.

Examples: Rent a car and take a road trip, start up classes in something you always wanted to do..be it guitar lessons, Martial Arts, painting. Treat yourself to a shopping spree.

We should be doing this on the regular but if there was a time to start..a day like that would be the day.

February 1, 2018

Tough day today. Had a really good few days prior. Made the decision to solely focus on myself and my future. The result being i actually felt semi normal for the first time in months..

This afternoon i just burst into tears. Not sure why? Just feel so hurt i suppose, the pain is quite crushing.

Finding it tough today.

February 1, 2018

Tough day today. Had a really good few days prior. Made the decision to solely focus on myself and my future. The result being i actually felt semi normal for the first time in months..

This afternoon i just burst into tears. Not sure why? Just feel so hurt i suppose, the pain is quite crushing.

Finding it tough today.

Because you are still grieving despite the good days but the fact you came to a decision like that on your own and felt normal for the first time in months shows healing. That's hope. Stay patient and continue to soldier on one day at a time and you will continue to realize these results.

Edited February 1, 2018 by Beachead

February 1, 2018

Tough day today. Had a really good few days prior. Made the decision to solely focus on myself and my future. The result being i actually felt semi normal for the first time in months..

This afternoon i just burst into tears. Not sure why? Just feel so hurt i suppose, the pain is quite crushing.

Finding it tough today.

But the first part is HUGE progress!!! HEaling is like a roller coaster, so just ride out this down time. You know good days will follow shortly! Hang in there!

February 1, 2018

Modern girl/guy interaction these days.....

February 1, 2018

I messaged her again today asking for my mail key. Like last time it went from blue iMessage to green SMS after sending it. I don't know if that means she blocked me, isn't getting my messages, or is just ignoring me. I don't really know or care, I just want my mail key (I'm in college, I can't afford to get a new one if don't have to).

Basically after moving out she asked to do long distance. We did it for a few days then she sent this long text about how it wasn't working and wanted to stop. I replied that I agreed and was going to say the same thing. She never replied and has not since (I've sent two brief texts about the mail key and that's it). I'm just confused as to why she went from wanting me back to not even willing to do this simple thing for me.

She told me when we broke up that it was immature for me to unfollow her and her friends on the various social media platforms. She said she was always checking my location and trying to find out who I was with on my friend's social medias. Maybe this is a sign that she understands now what it takes to move on and that makes me happy. I just wish I had my damn mail key.

February 1, 2018

What if we had a Loveshack Convention lol. :-)

February 1, 2018

I read a quote on INS, it says,

Being pretty doesn't keep a man.

Being a good woman barely keeps a man.

The only thing that keeps a man is, a man that wants to be kept.

(Same for man to keep a woman. )

The biggest factor keeps me from letting go is, the closure (the lack of closure): the reason why he didn't want to be with me. And finally, it becomes more and more obvious that he never wanted to be with me from the very beginning.

I blame myself for not keeping my standard,

I blame myself for letting me fall in love with him,

I blame myself for compromising my life style to make time with him,

I blame myself for accepting less (love, care, respect, ...) than I deserved.

I questioned a lot about my personality, my not good career, my looking, not knowledgeable about better life style, my impatience, my low maintenance (I don't spend much time or $ on nails salon, hair studio, SPA, and I usually get ready in 10 minutes, so I am not those super elegant lady), my no skill at flirting, conservative clothes, and I can't have second drink...

Deep down, I know I want to just be myself, and there is nothing wrong with my life style. But I have been so much wanting him back -- what a shame, I question every aspect of myself. But in the end, it was his intention which decided his decision: he just didn't want me, just that simple.

I don't know if he cheated, if he had found another woman/women before breakup, or if he had always been in love with someone else. All those are highly possible.

Thinking about those does no good to me. I feel exhausted in the past few days. It feels like all my efforts on coping have gone wasted, I am back to the original doubts about him which led to my breakup decision, and I had relived those painful moments all over again.

I am trying to stay a little bit positive, but since I couldn't go to gym, somehow I fell back to my depression route. I feel very lonely, nothing new though. Last year, he gave me great surprise on V day, which erased the bad memories from a year ago with another guy (that guy we dated for two months, and he told me he wanted to take things slowly on V day, and I paid for the dinner). But this year, oh, sh*t.

It's boring, that I keep spreading out the same complaints.

Edited February 2, 2018 by maybejune

February 2, 2018

It's true.

Valentines day is a tough holiday for most of us and it is coming up. Commercials and merchandise. Couples all over the place. Friends/Family telling you their plans with their spouse. Thoughts of exes and their plans.

I strongly urge everyone to truly give back to themselves on that day. Make it memorable, spontaneous and awesome.

Examples: Rent a car and take a road trip, start up classes in something you always wanted to do..be it guitar lessons, Martial Arts, painting. Treat yourself to a shopping spree.

We should be doing this on the regular but if there was a time to start..a day like that would be the day.

Most people should be doing what you listed all the time. valentines day is to celebrate the saint. we turned it into what it is today. For me to go sky diving, take a trip or whatever just because of valentines day is a bit over the top. That is why people get depressed. People play it up that is a big deal and when they are alone, its a disaster.

But I do understand what you mean. People will hurt. Maybe you guys did something special that day and it will remind you of that perfect moment. But don't let it beat you up or buy into the hype. Millions will be alone and we will all be fine. In time, it will all be ok. ;)

My valentines date will be in the lower level of my gym. The 130lb dumbbells

February 2, 2018

Day 16

Today for the first time, I dragged myself out to do something just for myself - a little trip to the beach. I've been forcing myself to keep social appointments etc, but this was something just for me. For the first time since I left him, I felt (surprisingly) relaxed and calm. Tomorrow I'll go back to the gym.

February 2, 2018

Most people should be doing what you listed all the time. valentines day is to celebrate the saint. we turned it into what it is today. For me to go sky diving, take a trip or whatever just because of valentines day is a bit over the top. That is why people get depressed. People play it up that is a big deal and when they are alone, its a disaster.

But I do understand what you mean. People will hurt. Maybe you guys did something special that day and it will remind you of that perfect moment. But don't let it beat you up or buy into the hype. Millions will be alone and we will all be fine. In time, it will all be ok. ;)

My valentines date will be in the lower level of my gym. The 130lb dumbbells

It'll be the gym and studying that day for me as well. It isn't a big deal but nonetheless, there will be people who won't be able to help themselves and will feel lonely or sad unwillingly. Human emotions. So my thoughts are directed to those people who catch themselves struggling to cope on that day. Maybe they may read this post at a time of desperation and maybe something will click in a way that is meaningful to them. I know I've read certain posts on here that really changed my scope on life when I was bottoming out. Certain ideas I've adopted and applied to my own life which have greatly improved it. So who knows, maybe someone may benefit from mine.

Edited February 2, 2018 by Beachead

February 2, 2018

I’m tired, emotionally exhausted, wishing there was someone I could be with when I’m having a bad day or feeling stressed, someone I could take comfort in having her with me, chasing away that feeling of cold loneliness in this wilderness called life.

I was organizing email files today when I came across a letter I had written her while we were together and it brought back some memories, details that had faded and dissolved into the abyss of forgotten memories. I started thinking about how hurtful it was back then, especially when she showed callous disregard for my feelings.

Compounding those negative memories is the feeling of inadequacy and alienation in the absence of a new partner, someone With whom I could experience that amazing feeling of being wanted, desired and in love. I’m not looking for validation. I’m looking for someone I can trust, call my best friend and feel an emotional and physical closeness to. I miss that.

February 2, 2018

Another tough day. Hate to say it, but shed a tear or two :-( Have been working on a few things. And made some progress. I'm trying my best not to think about my Ex. Need to focus on myself.

Thinking of going to my local meetup group. Be nice to make some new friends and meet people.

I have a really sweet person interested in me. She being very patient and good to me. I really want to meet someone as a friend first, then something romantic(If it feels right). She wants to go out on a "Date", doing something fun. Stunning really because i've been in a world of my own. And haven't really given her the attention see deserves. Feel quite bad about it!

I was honest with her and said with valentines coming up i'm finding it hard. She just said she understood and that "the first of anything will be hard(Birthday, anniversary) But it get easier..."

She's so sweet...

If i'm honest i Find it quite sick :-( Ridiculous i know. X

February 2, 2018

How am I doing? My sex drive's horribly high, but I don't have anyone I can have sex with. So that means a lot of masturbation. 3 times yesterday, 2 times today. I'm constantly tired, can't control my nutrition, can't control my smoking habit, and I skipped GYM today because I was just too tired from walking around all day. Not going good tbh. But I'm not giving up, I'm doing positive things too and I'm slowly but surely changing my life. Yet if anyone could tell me how can I deal with my libido I'd be grateful.

February 2, 2018

Day 25

I am totaly over getting back or even thinking about that. He didn't contact me neither did I him but I feel good. I started to run right after the break up and I love my new habit. I expected in the beginning that I would feel much longer bad but I really am OK. I will not count the moments when he comes into my mind and I get sad because that's normal. There are no intense emotions about him anymore.

I am so surprised because I need more than a month to get over whatever it is that bothers me but in his case I think I did a lot of coping while I was in the RS. Every time we would argue or he would ignore me I would be a mess. I think that theese were the moments were I did all the big stuff (realising, getting over him, etc.).

My sex drive was also really high the last week... it wasn't that for months or even a year. I am happy about that or should I be worried? Did someone experience that too after a break up?

I can't believe that I am now discovering myself. From the beginning of my college I wasn't alone for a month. I dated somebody or would hook up casually but I wasn't bothered with it. I never searched ... it just happened. Now I am in my mid twenties and feel really excited about everything that will happen to me I feel happy and want to build the person I want to be. I never ever thought that I would go through a situation like this but instead of being scared I feel hyped

February 2, 2018

Hmm.

Well, I've started finding other women attractive. As in, simply just because they're attractive rather than as an escape from problems/pain. There are three women in my uni class who I think are really sweet and very attractive... I guess this means I'm almost there, I'm almost over her.

I'm still taking six months out for self-improvement, but I feel a lot more positive now.

February 3, 2018

Evenings get me. Memories, feelings, and sadness with a hint of songs to accompany. I just can't believe I haven't gotten over her and we broke up in August. Its borderline frustrating.

I saw her instagram a couple of nights ago and found out she had two. One of them she was kissing someone. It hurt, but what hurt more is the thought of her having this up while we were going out. I honestly feel I never knew this woman at times. I just fell in love with someone she meticulously fabricated.

February 3, 2018

Evenings get me. Memories, feelings, and sadness with a hint of songs to accompany. I just can't believe I haven't gotten over her and we broke up in August. Its borderline frustrating.

I saw her instagram a couple of nights ago and found out she had two. One of them she was kissing someone. It hurt, but what hurt more is the thought of her having this up while we were going out. I honestly feel I never knew this woman at times. I just fell in love with someone she meticulously fabricated.

I truly feel for you my friend and I'm there with you getting through things. Never forget, healing will take time and we heal when we heal. Might even take a year or more. FB, Instagram, Snapchat etc. truly a giant online playground for exes to rub their "Amazing" lives in our face. The only reason I unblocked my ex on FB was to face my fears and see some picture of her and her ex together. It felt like death but it ended being the point from which I actually began rebuilding myself from. I'm not anywhere near 100% yet and I still cycle through my emotions but it's not as intense as it once was. Back in August, my nightmare was I'd lose her and she'd move onto someone else and never come back. And within the 6 months that followed, I faced it all. There's not much else to fear anymore and not really anymore pain she can put me through.

And now you've seen the worst as well. I believe this will be the point from which you rebuild also.

Edited February 3, 2018 by Beachead

February 3, 2018

Im seriously considering the fact that I've not only been dealing with depression these last few years, but bipolar disorder. I see my therapist on Monday again and will bring up the subject, seeing what he thinks. Seeing as my 'low' came out of nowhere the other day and was so extreme for no real reason makes me think theres something more going on.

February 4, 2018

Seeing other people with their SO hurts a lot. I feel so left out, like I'm the only single person in the world. They all seem so happy. Why couldn't that be me? I miss having someone in love with me.

The flirting and the attention I get from women doesn't make me feel any better. I've told multiple women that I have a girlfriend after they approach me, which is humiliating. My self confidence is very low and I have no interest in talking to anyone. Being single makes me feel like I'm going to be alone forever.

February 4, 2018

One of those nights for me where my thoughts are overpowering my will.

Forget that I feel alone..I am alone. An occasional message on a social media app from a friend. Barely any face to face interaction with them anymore. My life is littered with a monotonous day to day cycle of interaction with only acquaintances whom I know i'll never talk to once common goals have been accomplished and interests have passed. Everyone's busy with their own lives and I got tired of always trying to keep in touch. Sometimes I just step out into the real world and wonder why I was always so disconnected from it all. Never quite fit in. Always suffered somehow. I might have some problem inside I don't know..if that's what society wants to assume.

All I know is I'm going through so much and I have nobody to go through it with. Nobody to even turn to. If things became crippling, I couldn't count on them at all. And because of that, I don't want to. If they weren't present during my struggles, they have no business being present during my successes. It makes think sometimes..where is my life going? Have I made a difference in anyone's life? I don't want to be the only one who loves me for the rest my life. What's my purpose? Is it worth it? Who want's to be 70 and alone? And what if the current takes me down that road?

I try to stay strong and positive but there are days..

Shout out to anyone else who ever felt like this.

Edited February 4, 2018 by Beachead

February 4, 2018

Forget that I feel alone..I am alone.

You are not alone, there are people here, reading your posts and thinking about your words.

Tell me a story... Tell me about your favorite birthday. It can be childhood, adulthood, whatever. What made it special?? What did you receive?? Details??

February 4, 2018

Handsome is as handsome does.

February 4, 2018

One of those nights for me where my thoughts are overpowering my will.

Forget that I feel alone..I am alone.

No man is an island.

However we all have to enact some border controls now and again.

'There is something to be learned from a rainstorm. When meeting with a sudden shower, you try not to get wet and run quickly along the road. But doing such things as passing under the eaves of houses, you still get wet. When you are resolved from the beginning, you will not be perplexed, though you still get the same soaking. This understanding extends to all things.'

K.T.F.

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How are you coping today?

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