How are you coping today?

[maybejune]

I'm so stupid, I trusted him and believed everything he told me.

[Beachead]

Today is day 21 and I feel so empty. I don't feel anything towards him. I don't care anymore if he's good or not... is this now an anger stage or somewhat?

 

Healing takes a lot of time so just be patient with yourself. The time it takes to recover depends on the specific situation, the actions you took to help yourself, and who you are as a person. But I'd say a proper recovery takes 1 year minimum.

 

Right now, I know for sure, you are in a combination of both anger and denial.

 

You do still care about your ex but you're just emotionally taxed. Your mind has shut your heart down and told it "Enough. I'm not letting you steer this ship anymore." Your loved one is gone and the shock and dealing with the aftermath of it for the past 21 days is overwhelming and crippling. It probably affected other aspects of your life as well. So your brain, to protect your sanity, uses anger (Quite useful in the beginning and thus the most useful tool) to help offset the sadness and numb you out. Like a painkiller, this makes us feel like we're just drifting/floating through the days in some kind of trance. It's a protective caccoon for your mind to help it process the breakup a little more and prepare you to begin handling the truth, whatever it is. That will be when you hit the bargaining stage. Most of us are in it right now.

 

During this time, you'll catch yourself blaming yourself and thinking things that sound a lot like "If only we had done this. If only I was more like that? If only they hadn't done this. Maybe I should talk to them because.."etc. You will really feel the depression of it at this point because your brain will be dropping truth bombs on you. The reality will be potent and hard to digest so this will be the absolute worst point in your healing and it may take a long time to get through this stage. But the good news is, because it is the worst point, you can only go up from there and you will. As long as you let yourself be free to feel and explore all those emotions, and continue to take healthy steps forward in your life (Spiritually, Physically, Intellectually etc.), your mind will do what it does best and will process/piece together the puzzle little by little over time until you come out of this stage with a far clearer picture of what went down in your breakup.

 

With a clearer picture, you will understand your situation far more and over time will eventually come to truly accept it. You'll know you've accepted things when you catch yourself thinking about having a relationship with new people or you are having good or bad days irrespective of this person.

 

That's generally how it works.

 

Trust in the process. Trust in your mind to do its thing. Take care of yourself and know that there are numerous people on here and everywhere in the world going through the same thing.

 

Things will be okay with time.

Edited January 28, 2018 by Beachead

[clist8511]

“You know what? You’re the love of my life”

“I’ll be here no matter what”

“We can be friends, though!”

“I’ll always love you”

“No, there isn’t anyone else”

 

What do all those statements have in common?

 

They’re all lies.

 

I can’t enter another relationship.

 

The NC, the crying, the anxiety over their Someone New. It, to me, doesn’t seem worth it.

 

I’d rather just stay emotionally free, non-attached with no risk of romantic emotional pain.

 

I had to get rid of beds, sofas. I had to move home just to escape the bad energy and the memories left behind by my last two relationships. The images of my exes burned into my retina; standing at the cooker, sitting on the sofa. And then the searing pain when they would break up with me, the rejection and loneliness caused by these people. The amount of time I’d have to take off from my normal existence, just to process this pain.

 

The late night calls to suicide helplines, trips to the doctor’s begging for help, texts to friends repeating the same old sorry story again and again in hope of some fresh new answer just to be told “you’ll be OK” and the intense frustration because I needed to know what to do NOW! The confusion and the feeling of being lost and having to rebuild my life each time these women leave. The feelings of sadness when I realise we probably won’t speak again, that it was all a waste of time. And then the dread, the effort of starting again with someone new and the lack of guarantees that it will actually pan out into something. Perhaps I’m just a pessimist, but I just don’t see the point, anymore. And I used to be such a hopeless romantic, too.

 

Perhaps this is just part of the NC process, the healing. But I can’t envision myself in another relationship. I’d rather place my happiness in things that I know won’t end. Art, music, film, literature, podcasts, exercise, nature. None of those things will ever get up and tell me they don’t love me anymore.

 

Sorry for the negative post. I just had to vent somewhere.

[clist8511]

I feel so pathetic. I am forever ousted to be everyone’s ex. Experienced heartbreak twice in four years with no visible sight of acquiring the true love my exes seem to have found. Even my old friend who is 23 is about to have a child with her partner. At 33, I am single and have no idea where to turn next. As I said in my previous post, I don’t want to date; but it’s almost a forced choice. There isn’t much in the way of options.

 

I know for a fact that my ex’s phone is littered with men; guys from school, work, friends of friends, exes… I know some of these guys are into her. I saw the messages come in when I was with her, and I saw her constantly rejecting them. I’m not there now so she’s free to do as she pleases. It doesn’t hurt me; if anything I’m just jealous that I am not in the same position.

 

Again I must repeat that I’m not interested in dating, but it makes you feel invisible when literally no one is interested in you. The last message I got on my phone was from someone buying a mattress from me; hardly the most riveting thing.

 

It’s amazing that in this massive world, there is no one for me to talk to.

[clist8511]

I would like to offer something positive to this thread as there are some very special people on here that have offered their support to me and others when we've needed it.

 

I'd just like to say thank you to anyone that's ever replied to me.

 

Also, I hope you are all taking care of yourselves today and realising that every day is a step forwards, and a step closer to healing. We have come this far. We can do it, and we do not need the people who chose to get rid of us.

 

x

[Beachead]

“You know what? You’re the love of my life”

“I’ll be here no matter what”

“We can be friends, though!”

“I’ll always love you”

“No, there isn’t anyone else”

 

What do all those statements have in common?

 

They’re all lies.

 

I can’t enter another relationship.

 

The NC, the crying, the anxiety over their Someone New. It, to me, doesn’t seem worth it.

 

I’d rather just stay emotionally free, non-attached with no risk of romantic emotional pain.

 

I had to get rid of beds, sofas. I had to move home just to escape the bad energy and the memories left behind by my last two relationships. The images of my exes burned into my retina; standing at the cooker, sitting on the sofa. And then the searing pain when they would break up with me, the rejection and loneliness caused by these people. The amount of time I’d have to take off from my normal existence, just to process this pain.

 

The late night calls to suicide helplines, trips to the doctor’s begging for help, texts to friends repeating the same old sorry story again and again in hope of some fresh new answer just to be told “you’ll be OK” and the intense frustration because I needed to know what to do NOW! The confusion and the feeling of being lost and having to rebuild my life each time these women leave. The feelings of sadness when I realise we probably won’t speak again, that it was all a waste of time. And then the dread, the effort of starting again with someone new and the lack of guarantees that it will actually pan out into something. Perhaps I’m just a pessimist, but I just don’t see the point, anymore. And I used to be such a hopeless romantic, too.

 

Perhaps this is just part of the NC process, the healing. But I can’t envision myself in another relationship. I’d rather place my happiness in things that I know won’t end. Art, music, film, literature, podcasts, exercise, nature. None of those things will ever get up and tell me they don’t love me anymore.

 

Sorry for the negative post. I just had to vent somewhere.

 

You did all the right things.

 

Sometimes, it takes constant bad experiences to get us to that point where we are sick and tired of the redundancy. And that "F*ck this Sh*t" mentality will be powerful enough to finally motivate us to do what we really need (Not want) to do for ourselves. To accept the kind of love (Platonic/Romantic) we want. To learn how to say "No". And to simply stop giving a sh*t and be free from others' judgements and expectations. And that will lead to you fight for yourself more. You'll carry those developments into future relationships with friends/partners/family.

 

I see nothing but a massive step forward and progress in your post.

[Beachead]

I feel so pathetic. I am forever ousted to be everyone’s ex. Experienced heartbreak twice in four years with no visible sight of acquiring the true love my exes seem to have found. Even my old friend who is 23 is about to have a child with her partner. At 33, I am single and have no idea where to turn next. As I said in my previous post, I don’t want to date; but it’s almost a forced choice. There isn’t much in the way of options.

 

I know for a fact that my ex’s phone is littered with men; guys from school, work, friends of friends, exes… I know some of these guys are into her. I saw the messages come in when I was with her, and I saw her constantly rejecting them. I’m not there now so she’s free to do as she pleases. It doesn’t hurt me; if anything I’m just jealous that I am not in the same position.

 

Again I must repeat that I’m not interested in dating, but it makes you feel invisible when literally no one is interested in you. The last message I got on my phone was from someone buying a mattress from me; hardly the most riveting thing.

 

It’s amazing that in this massive world, there is no one for me to talk to.

 

Don't worry about the negativity so long as you don't become consumed in it. I feel the humanity in your posts and I share in your feelings.

 

I'm 31. 3 women..loved them all. None loved me. I never had a single person in my life ever fight for me or be there for me during some of the most brutal moments in my life. 2 of those heartbreaks happened in 3 years. They promised the world, recited sweet words, and put it in my head that they were in this for the long haul. I used to think I'd have been married by now back when I was 20. But over the years, I've been watching it happen for everyone else instead.

 

I don't have a solution for you. I can't tell you it'll get better but what I can say is apart from relationships..you have control of turning your life into something. I think the answer lies in us finding our smile..alone.

 

What I did was exactly as you described. I gave up on banking my happiness on relationships because of the nature of my life. I still give a sh*t about myself even if nobody else does. And so I invest my time and happiness into things that I know will last. There's no pain or heartbreak there. I even put distance between me and my friends. Personally, I just can't handle being around their relationships. Not right now atleast. I'm there as a confidant but other than that..my time is for me now. All my love goes to the few people that were there with me my entire life and the rest goes to myself. Nobody else. My happiness comes my goals, ambitions, personal achievements, and a desire to achieve a dream I tell nobody. It hasn't failed me yet.

 

If anything, the solitude made me far more focused on myself and far more clearer about my own life...far more progress.

Edited January 29, 2018 by Beachead

[NomiMalone]

Day 12

 

I feel I'm mostly out of the fog of denial. What I feel mainly now is emptiness and sadness. It's as though all the colour has been taken out of my life, and everything now is grey. My life, without him in it, has lost its spark. Before, little things like grocery shopping for our meals made me happy. Now I can barely stand to walk into a supermarket.

[Jsos91]

I was about to post in the No Contact Support Thread when I realized, I have absolutely nothing left to say to the woman. When I think about what I would say, I go completely blank. I think I'm just in a mindset where I really don't think she would care at this point. I think she probably feels badly about how things went between us and I have no doubt if I reached out to her she'd be more than happy to chat and catch up on life. I just don't feel the need to go over our relationship or breakup, It would do nothing for either of us and would just reopen healing wounds.

 

Do I miss her? absolutely, at times anyways. Do I have a desire to speak with her? not in the way I used to. I think if we spoke at this point it would be hollow for both of us, like making small talk with a stranger and I don't have much of a desire to start up random conversation with a complete stranger either. I look back fondly on memories of us but I've also accepted that that life isn't coming back and I need to start focusing on now and the future.

 

I think things are going well for her, I wouldn't know for sure but I think she got a job in the city because I heard she was looking for a place there. I don't think she would've been happy with me and I don't think we would've ended up in the city so in my mind this breakup has been for the best. She knows it right now, and I think someday I'm going to know it. I understand why we broke up, but I'm still of a mind that we could've worked through it. I'm confident there will come a day when I feel peace, I get tastes of it but I'd like to feel it more often than I do right now.

[anonymousbear00101100]

My life, without him in it, has lost its spark. Before, little things like grocery shopping for our meals made me happy. Now I can barely stand to walk into a supermarket.

 

Everything is more fun with the person you love. I sat at our table yesterday and thought about us moving in together and building our cheap furniture. I think about driving to the middle of nowhere to buy a mattress. I think about walking to our classes through the snow. They weren't fun tasks but we were together and hopeful. I know I will get to make those memories with someone new one day. That's what I'm holding out for.

[hurtsbadjusthurts]

Up and down for me. This is way harder than i would of ever imagined. Funny things is during my old relationship i helped my Ex in every way possible. I really helped her overcome a lot of things. I'd encourage her, Problem solve with her. Support her when things didn't go to plan.

 

And in fairness she really grew a lot.

 

So with that said i should be bloody brilliant and helping myself. Creating an awesome life and person out of myself. For whatever reason, I can help and encourage others, But myself... Nope :-( Its a struggle, Weird!

 

On another note. Was getting a coffee earlier. Got served by a woman who literally blew my mind. She was absolutely stunning, beautiful is an understatement! Took my breathe away. Haven't got butterflies from someone in awhile. Forgot what it felt like. Mention it because it was kind of nice to get that "rush" and be excited by someone again. Its a feeling i've missed!

 

Hope everyone is well? X

[neverenough]

Healing takes a lot of time so just be patient with yourself. The time it takes to recover depends on the specific situation, the actions you took to help yourself, and who you are as a person. But I'd say a proper recovery takes 1 year minimum.

 

Right now, I know for sure, you are in a combination of both anger and denial.

 

You do still care about your ex but you're just emotionally taxed. Your mind has shut your heart down and told it "Enough. I'm not letting you steer this ship anymore." Your loved one is gone and the shock and dealing with the aftermath of it for the past 21 days is overwhelming and crippling. It probably affected other aspects of your life as well. So your brain, to protect your sanity, uses anger (Quite useful in the beginning and thus the most useful tool) to help offset the sadness and numb you out. Like a painkiller, this makes us feel like we're just drifting/floating through the days in some kind of trance. It's a protective caccoon for your mind to help it process the breakup a little more and prepare you to begin handling the truth, whatever it is. That will be when you hit the bargaining stage. Most of us are in it right now.

 

During this time, you'll catch yourself blaming yourself and thinking things that sound a lot like "If only we had done this. If only I was more like that? If only they hadn't done this. Maybe I should talk to them because.."etc. You will really feel the depression of it at this point because your brain will be dropping truth bombs on you. The reality will be potent and hard to digest so this will be the absolute worst point in your healing and it may take a long time to get through this stage. But the good news is, because it is the worst point, you can only go up from there and you will. As long as you let yourself be free to feel and explore all those emotions, and continue to take healthy steps forward in your life (Spiritually, Physically, Intellectually etc.), your mind will do what it does best and will process/piece together the puzzle little by little over time until you come out of this stage with a far clearer picture of what went down in your breakup.

 

With a clearer picture, you will understand your situation far more and over time will eventually come to truly accept it. You'll know you've accepted things when you catch yourself thinking about having a relationship with new people or you are having good or bad days irrespective of this person.

 

That's generally how it works.

 

Trust in the process. Trust in your mind to do its thing. Take care of yourself and know that there are numerous people on here and everywhere in the world going through the same thing.

 

Things will be okay with time.

 

Wow, you are an angel for taking the time to reply and write all this down.

But I have a question: did I maybe switch up my stages? I'm asking because I am home all the time, by mself, and I have the feeling that this is the reason why I am going through things faster. Or am I delusional?

I was in denial the first week but made it through a clean NC to this day. I was so sad and still am but the emptiness is kicking here and there. I am getting angry when I talk about him and thats the time when I go running really fast where I get this feeling like I am chasing him with this agression and anger. I do that until I feel complete exhaustion. Sometimes I run twice throughout the day because I would lose my sanity if I wasn't running.

 

I don't want this to take one year. I am not willing to give this time to coping over with this break-up because I'm so angry at him and at myself (most of the time). The bargaining part is also there from the beginning... but today it is much stronger. I can't forgive myself for so many thing even though I know I didn't do anything bad. I am so scared, because I really want him to be happy. I don't want him to go alone through his depression or feel unloved but I also know that he chose to leave me and there is nothing I can do to change it... so I do NC.

 

At the end I wanted to say that.. firstly I started NC with two major intentions: to heal and over time to maybe get him back because I was a bit clingy throughout our realtionship and thought that distancing ans showing myself from this position would show him my true value and how much selfresepect I have. Now I am so scared that he will contact me because deep down I know that it won't work. I am scared that he will come back crying and worse then before. It's just..that I really badly want to know that he is happy and at peace and getting his life together.

 

Today is a really bad day. (Day 22)

 

Thank You again

[Beachead]

Wow, you are an angel for taking the time to reply and write all this down.

But I have a question: did I maybe switch up my stages? I'm asking because I am home all the time, by mself, and I have the feeling that this is the reason why I am going through things faster. Or am I delusional?

I was in denial the first week but made it through a clean NC to this day. I was so sad and still am but the emptiness is kicking here and there. I am getting angry when I talk about him and thats the time when I go running really fast where I get this feeling like I am chasing him with this agression and anger. I do that until I feel complete exhaustion. Sometimes I run twice throughout the day because I would lose my sanity if I wasn't running.

 

I don't want this to take one year. I am not willing to give this time to coping over with this break-up because I'm so angry at him and at myself (most of the time). The bargaining part is also there from the beginning... but today it is much stronger. I can't forgive myself for so many thing even though I know I didn't do anything bad. I am so scared, because I really want him to be happy. I don't want him to go alone through his depression or feel unloved but I also know that he chose to leave me and there is nothing I can do to change it... so I do NC.

 

At the end I wanted to say that.. firstly I started NC with two major intentions: to heal and over time to maybe get him back because I was a bit clingy throughout our realtionship and thought that distancing ans showing myself from this position would show him my true value and how much selfresepect I have. Now I am so scared that he will contact me because deep down I know that it won't work. I am scared that he will come back crying and worse then before. It's just..that I really badly want to know that he is happy and at peace and getting his life together.

 

Today is a really bad day. (Day 22)

 

Thank You again

 

There's no rushing this. No forcing your healing to magically complete itself. You'll be good when your good. If you try to pretend your okay..your self-deceit will be thrown back in your face in a rude awakening via the consequences of your actions. So just relax, let it be. Let it do it's thing.

 

These 4 stages are the ones that we all deal with post-breakup:

 

1. Denial

2. Anger

3. Bargaining

4. Depression

 

You're pissed off and sad obviously. But the part you wrote which I have bolded shows that you are bargaining as well. "If I give the appropriate amount of time and distance, he will see the worth of our relationship." If you want break it down a bit more, some denial was lightly peppered into that statement as well though with this, your mind is fighting that.

 

So you have already noticed a 2 things. One, your mind is processing. Two, these stages won't come to us sequentially. They may hit us one at a time or in combinations of variant intensities during our day to day life. So yes you may switch between stages. You might be in denial for a few days, then get triggered by a situation, memory or thought and feel sadness/bargaining for a week, then maybe anger for a day or two until you are emotionally burned out and return to a numb state for awhile. But the whole time, your mind will be processing EVERYTHING about your situation. You just won't feel the results until later.

 

And what I mean by results are these cycle of extreme ups and downs WILL over time become less frequent and less extreme as your mind presses through the pain and gives you more and more clarity/understanding. Eventually, you will emotionally level out and balance one waking morning, whenever it will be...you'll feel okay. (Final Stage: Acceptance/Forgiveness)

 

That's how it always was for me and it's completely normal. Like a physical wound that is healing, a spiritual one will also need the same nurture, patience, and time to ensure you return to yourself. Again, there is no magically getting through this but you can help speed the process up if you take care of yourself. Fortunately, you are eager on moving forward with your life so you will find a way to get back on top. I know that for a fact.

 

Stay strong

Edited January 29, 2018 by Beachead

[Happy Lemming]

Day 12

 

I feel I'm mostly out of the fog of denial. What I feel mainly now is emptiness and sadness. It's as though all the colour has been taken out of my life, and everything now is grey. My life, without him in it, has lost its spark. Before, little things like grocery shopping for our meals made me happy. Now I can barely stand to walk into a supermarket.

 

Actually, everything is not grey... it's like a when you were a kid and got a brand new coloring book and all of the pages were fresh and empty. Now its time to start coloring and you don't have to stay within the lines if you don't want to.

 

Go find new adventures, new trips, new foods anything that is different and fill that new coloring book.

 

Personally, I cooked with ground lamb for the first time this weekend. I didn't do such a good job, but I'll do better next time.

 

Do something new and different for you. I look forward to hearing about your "new"!!

[Broken183]

I know it was a false connection and maybe even the littlest bit of false hope. And I know it's a blessing in disguise. But he unfollowed me on instagram this weekend. It completely undid me.

 

I'm so frustrated with myself. I just want to be over him. I'm trying so hard.

[Happy Lemming]

unfollowed me on instagram this weekend.

 

Isn't this a good thing?? Like an anti-breadcrumb, if you will??

 

He is saying good-bye to you in another aspect of his life.

 

Each day a little piece of you is "over him", bit by bit. You'll make it!!

[sorano]

Do not shed tears on those who mishandled your heart.

[MeadowFlower]

Don't worry about the negativity so long as you don't become consumed in it. I feel the humanity in your posts and I share in your feelings.

 

I'm 31. 3 women..loved them all. None loved me. I never had a single person in my life ever fight for me or be there for me during some of the most brutal moments in my life. 2 of those heartbreaks happened in 3 years. They promised the world, recited sweet words, and put it in my head that they were in this for the long haul. I used to think I'd have been married by now back when I was 20. But over the years, I've been watching it happen for everyone else instead.

 

I don't have a solution for you. I can't tell you it'll get better but what I can say is apart from relationships..you have control of turning your life into something. I think the answer lies in us finding our smile..alone.

 

What I did was exactly as you described. I gave up on banking my happiness on relationships because of the nature of my life. I still give a sh*t about myself even if nobody else does. And so I invest my time and happiness into things that I know will last. There's no pain or heartbreak there. I even put distance between me and my friends. Personally, I just can't handle being around their relationships. Not right now atleast. I'm there as a confidant but other than that..my time is for me now. All my love goes to the few people that were there with me my entire life and the rest goes to myself. Nobody else. My happiness comes my goals, ambitions, personal achievements, and a desire to achieve a dream I tell nobody. It hasn't failed me yet.

 

If anything, the solitude made me far more focused on myself and far more clearer about my own life...far more progress.

Could I PM you?

[NomiMalone]

Day 13

 

Random memories of him come unexpectedly back to me at random times. There is nothing good about being single. For some reason, tonight has been so much harder than the last. Right now I don't even know how to go on.

Edited January 30, 2018 by NomiMalone

[MeadowFlower]

Day 13

 

Random memories of him come unexpectedly back to me at random times. There is nothing good about being single. For some reason, tonight has been so much harder than the last. Right now I don't even know how to go on.

It will get better. It will probably take time however. Be patient with it and with yourself. And do things. Even if your heart isn't in it do something anyway. Like a hobby.

[NomiMalone]

It will get better. It will probably take time however. Be patient with it and with yourself. And do things. Even if your heart isn't in it do something anyway. Like a hobby.

 

Thank you lovely x

[NomiMalone]

Everything is more fun with the person you love. I sat at our table yesterday and thought about us moving in together and building our cheap furniture. I think about driving to the middle of nowhere to buy a mattress. I think about walking to our classes through the snow. They weren't fun tasks but we were together and hopeful. I know I will get to make those memories with someone new one day. That's what I'm holding out for.

 

rjblak, that's how I feel too.

 

Having him in my life made all the everyday things seem so much more fun and worthwhile. Granted, I was the one who made them fun, but if he wasn't there, I wouldn't have made the effort. For example, on an evening before we were scheduled to fly out of town for a fortnight, I challenged myself to make us a nice meal from the random food we had left in the fridge. The odd combination of ingredients made me laugh, and I set the table with candles. It was a really lovely meal. I always tried to make the day to day stuff special.

 

As I get older, I'm more and more convinced that being coupled brings much more happiness and fulfilment than being single. There are many benefits to being single. The periods in which we find ourselves single are the most productive periods of our lives. But ultimately what matters most in life is to be in a loving, secure, fulfilling relationship, with someone who brings happiness to our daily lives.

Edited January 30, 2018 by NomiMalone

[neverenough]

rjblak, that's how I feel too.

 

Having him in my life made all the everyday things seem so much more fun and worthwhile. Granted, I was the one who made them fun, but if he wasn't there, I wouldn't have made the effort. For example, on an evening before we were scheduled to fly out of town for a fortnight, I challenged myself to make us a nice meal from the random food we had left in the fridge. The odd combination of ingredients made me laugh, and I set the table with candles. It was a really lovely meal. I always tried to make the day to day stuff special.

 

As I get older, I'm more and more convinced that being coupled brings much more happiness and fulfilment than being single. There are many benefits to being single. The periods in which we find ourselves single are the most productive periods of our lives. But ultimately what matters most in life is to be in a loving, secure, fulfilling relationship, with someone who brings happiness to our daily lives.

 

I so agree with you! That's what I thought today. For me it is hard to seperate and accept all my emotions but in the end, when I feel normal or okay through the day, I realise that I had a wonderfull RS with my ex boyfriend. I was a happy single before and I will be after but I agree with you that it fullfills us more on a deeper level. I enjoyed the small things the most and I appreciated them a lot.

Of course everybody can be happy on their own but I have the feeling that the modern society forces us to be happy with ourself all the time and to grow and what not. I don't like this way of thinking because in my oppinion people are (usually, ideally) born and raised in families and develop in relationships/friendships their whole life.

 

I experienced also that a lot people in my culture expect me to detest my ex BF and only see his bad sides because he broke up with me. It's his life too ... why wouldn't he do this if he was unhappy or depressed and wanted to be on his own. Of course I feel sad and broken. Of course I wanted to help but it didn't work out. It angers me so much that people don't realise that he was a big part of my life for a long time and that I truly love him. With that I accept and respect his decision. I dislike this childish idea of turning him into a bad person and talking badly about him.

 

This was something I wanted to write down for a while now. This is what I am dealing with today... that I don't think of him as somebody who did something bad. He made the best decision he could at the moment and for the long run. It makes me even love him more because he had the guts to walk away and give each of us a chance for something new or better. A lot of people cheat or stay in a bad RS out of fear because at some point they wanted to break up but were to scared. I respect it a lot when someone is able to walk away at the right time.

 

(sry my english bad)

Edited January 30, 2018 by neverenough

[Jsos91]

I so agree with you! That's what I thought today. For me it is hard to seperate and accept all my emotions but in the end, when I feel normal or okay through the day, I realise that I had a wonderfull RS with my ex boyfriend. I was a happy single before and I will be after but I agree with you that it fullfills us more on a deeper level. I enjoyed the small things the most and I appreciated them a lot.

Of course everybody can be happy on their own but I have the feeling that the modern society forces us to be happy with ourself all the time and to grow and what not. I don't like this way of thinking because in my oppinion people are (usually, ideally) born and raised in families and develop in relationships/friendships their whole life.

 

I experienced also that a lot people in my culture expect me to detest my ex BF and only see his bad sides because he broke up with me. It's his life too ... why wouldn't he do this if he was unhappy or depressed and wanted to be on his own. Of course I feel sad and broken. Of course I wanted to help but it didn't work out. It angers me so much that people don't realise that he was a big part of my life for a long time and that I truly love him. With that I accept and respect his decision. I dislike this childish idea of turning him into a bad person and talking badly about him.

 

This was something I wanted to write down for a while now. This is what I am dealing with today... that I don't think of him as somebody who did something bad. He made the best decision he could at the moment and for the long run. It makes me even love him more because he had the guts to walk away and give each of us a chance for something new or better. A lot of people cheat or stay in a bad RS out of fear because at some point they wanted to break up but were to scared. I respect it a lot when someone is able to walk away at the right time.

 

(sry my english bad)

 

I couldn't agree more with the last part. It drives me crazy how many people stay in relationships until they find someone else as a safety net, its incredibly selfish. I've had it happen twice to me now and I don't think people truly understand the damage and trauma it causes until they have it happen to them. I have such a respect for people who can get out when they're unhappy without having someone lined up immediately afterwards.

[Beachead]

Could I PM you?

 

Yes ofcourse. Don't have to ask.