Minneloa Posted January 27, 2018 Posted January 27, 2018 A little better today. Got up, got dressed, ate breakfast, went to work. Thank goodness for work, since it keeps me grounded & sane & in the world, interacting with people. Came home, power napped, went to the salon, watched silly TV. Overall, an improvement! 4
Beachead Posted January 27, 2018 Posted January 27, 2018 To all the heartbroken warriors on this thread, I know how tough the weekends, nights, mornings and generally any period of the day is. There was a story before them. There will be a story afterwards. Who else but us could be the hero of our own story. Who else but us will dictate how that story is going to go. Whether we look back at this 5 years from now as something that was a learning experience that got to us the awesome place we're now at or a crippling experience that broke us and kept us stuck, is still completely in our hands. No doubt it hurts. There's nothing fun about being here...suffering as we have. But maybe that's exactly why we need to make everything we been through and will go through count for something. Otherwise, it would all have been in vain. Just keep taking care of yourself, keep stepping forward and don't quit. Make your life so damn inspirational, others will follow you without even realizing it. Our exes are not ending us. Not today. Not ever. All the power to you 4
NomiMalone Posted January 27, 2018 Posted January 27, 2018 To all the heartbroken warriors on this thread, I know how tough the weekends, nights, mornings and generally any period of the day is. There was a story before them. There will be a story afterwards. Who else but us could be the hero of our own story. Who else but us will dictate how that story is going to go. Whether we look back at this 5 years from now as something that was a learning experience that got to us the awesome place we're now at or a crippling experience that broke us and kept us stuck, is still completely in our hands. No doubt it hurts. There's nothing fun about being here...suffering as we have. But maybe that's exactly why we need to make everything we been through and will go through count for something. Otherwise, it would all have been in vain. Just keep taking care of yourself, keep stepping forward and don't quit. Make your life so damn inspirational, others will follow you without even realizing it. Our exes are not ending us. Not today. Not ever. All the power to you Beachead, thank you. Such wise words and exactly what I needed to hear today. 1
NomiMalone Posted January 27, 2018 Posted January 27, 2018 Day 10 Yesterday night I reached out to him and sent him a text with everything I had to say. Just the nice things, as none of the bad stuff is relevant anymore. I just needed him to know that I cared, and still thought the world of him and our time together despite everything. Kindness is the most important thing in the world, and I wanted to be kind. When I went to sleep, I dreamt of him. But today I woke up feeling much better. Still crappy, but much better. 2
Happy Lemming Posted January 27, 2018 Posted January 27, 2018 Yesterday night I reached out to him and sent him a text with everything I had to say. Just the nice things What was his response?? If any??
Jsos91 Posted January 27, 2018 Posted January 27, 2018 Sometimes I don't know why I write anymore. Nothing left to say and she's moved onto a totally new person and totally new life. Sometimes it just feels good to write though, even if you're not sure where you're going with it. I was out with my best friend tonight and he brought her up (he still has her on social media). He was just saying that he could never have pictured me with the version she is now. He said she's gone completely hipster and if I had to eat hemp burgers I may go completely nuts. Its funny to me how that happens, you breakup with someone and they become a whole other person and they're quite literally a stranger to you now. It makes it frustrating to miss a ghost of someone, a version that will never come back but alas thats exactly what I do; I miss the version of her I was in love with and she's basically dead at this point. Such a strange feeling..
NomiMalone Posted January 27, 2018 Posted January 27, 2018 What was his response?? If any?? He said he's having a hard time and not ready to talk as yet. He agrees that my decision to split was for the best.
igotoverit Posted January 27, 2018 Posted January 27, 2018 Finally, nice weather. I am feeling much better. Last night, I went to bed a bit early. I went to bed around 8pm after the movie. I was lying and it felt like my wound (this sounds pathetic) but it did feel like the wound was healing. I wasn't in too much emotional pain and I started to see the light at the end of the tunnel. This morning when I woke up, I hadn't actually thought about him until after my coffee but in a way that didn't hurt or bring on as much anxiety as it usually does. I started thinking how cruel and wrong it was to do what they did to me, and especially at that time in my life. A mature individual would have said thing a bit more direct. I pity all those who partook in this because it doesn't matter what they think of me, they chose and agreed to do this to another human being with rights to privacy. So now that I have reflected, I responded by writing him letters. These letters gave him authorization (in his mind and probably most other people) to react off my letters. At one point he said to me that if I write him a letter, that the letter no longer belongs to me and he can do whatever he wants to do with it. He also said that he would continue to do this until it didn't hurt anymore and a mutual friend had also said that once I moved forward that this would stop. He wanted me to move on and it hurt because he was the one giving me advice and prying into my life which was contradicting me moving on. I also don't blame myself because you can't tell someone to move on and then post linked in accounts in their names suggesting they are lazy and imposing an impression that you think they can do better. The bottom line is I feel relieved. I don't feel guilty or solely responsible in this. I used to feel like I was the most pathetic thing to walk the earth and that everyone else had life but now I can see things a bit differently. I see that although my life didn't turn out exactly how I wanted that I am a parent whose child still can. I mean that's the beauty part about being a parent. You make so much mistakes and learn how valuable life is and how valuable life can actually be. So you try to use your mistakes to guide your children to have a better life. I am glad I realized all of this at the time I did because I know what has to be done over the next five or so years and that is my life. No, it doesn't come with a flashy facebook page or instagram. I am not tweeting my every moment and no one is really interested in me.. That doesn't mean I am doomed, it just means I have to start to plant routes and maybe pull some weeds and plant proper seeds if that makes sense.. I mean, I am not nearly as stressed out as other spouses on this forum. I feel for you. Thank full to be single at the same time : )
igotoverit Posted January 27, 2018 Posted January 27, 2018 Sometimes you have to watch what you say online.. If I can't delete a post then I will edit it to say something else. 1
clist8511 Posted January 27, 2018 Posted January 27, 2018 After many months of soul searching, and wondering how on Earth I could want to be with someone who manipulated me, emotionally and psychologically abused me, I have worked it out. All the love-bombing, the promises of change, the intense make-up sex and post-conflict bonding, the compliments, the promises of always being there for me, the way she'd make it so I could rely on her for anything I wanted/needed? It was all designed to keep me hooked on her. Hooked, so I could be abused more, treated badly, broken up with every other week, given the silent treatment, disengaged with, blocked and then unblocked, accused of not putting her first even when I was, being told who to hang around with, being made to report to her and account for all my time, and more. All of it. I took it because she ensure that the reconciliation was intensely good. So that it made me feel like the most loved person on the planet. So that I felt there was no one else that could ever understand me or love me like this. So that I craved this connection, this bliss - so that the next time there was conflict, I would come back for more. That's why I think the sex was so good; it often wasn't. It's just that the times I tend to think of are the times we'd had sex after conflict or after her breaking up with me for weeks; it was so intense. I was so glad to have her back, it was forbidden sex, reconciliation sex, getting-back-together sex. The amount of endorphins flowing through me almost made me explode. We were so close at those points it's like we were one. It was euphoric. And then the cycle would continue. It would hurt more with every discard, every conflict. This is why, however many months later, I'm sometimes desperate for her company, her body. But none of it was real; if it had been, it would have been consistent. I feel sad that I've only just worked this out, but I feel like I'm seeing with a bit more clarity. 3
Beachead Posted January 27, 2018 Posted January 27, 2018 After many months of soul searching, and wondering how on Earth I could want to be with someone who manipulated me, emotionally and psychologically abused me, I have worked it out. All the love-bombing, the promises of change, the intense make-up sex and post-conflict bonding, the compliments, the promises of always being there for me, the way she'd make it so I could rely on her for anything I wanted/needed? It was all designed to keep me hooked on her. Hooked, so I could be abused more, treated badly, broken up with every other week, given the silent treatment, disengaged with, blocked and then unblocked, accused of not putting her first even when I was, being told who to hang around with, being made to report to her and account for all my time, and more. All of it. I took it because she ensure that the reconciliation was intensely good. So that it made me feel like the most loved person on the planet. So that I felt there was no one else that could ever understand me or love me like this. So that I craved this connection, this bliss - so that the next time there was conflict, I would come back for more. That's why I think the sex was so good; it often wasn't. It's just that the times I tend to think of are the times we'd had sex after conflict or after her breaking up with me for weeks; it was so intense. I was so glad to have her back, it was forbidden sex, reconciliation sex, getting-back-together sex. The amount of endorphins flowing through me almost made me explode. We were so close at those points it's like we were one. It was euphoric. And then the cycle would continue. It would hurt more with every discard, every conflict. This is why, however many months later, I'm sometimes desperate for her company, her body. But none of it was real; if it had been, it would have been consistent. I feel sad that I've only just worked this out, but I feel like I'm seeing with a bit more clarity. You certainly sound like you are and its helped me as well. And yes, that's exactly what you need to remember. It would have been consistent. You wouldn't have felt like you were losing your mind. 1
divegrl Posted January 27, 2018 Posted January 27, 2018 I have been sick again. This time very very sick. It has brought me to my knees. I truly believe life is unfolding exactly as it should be. So what is God trying to teach me? In the stillness I heard, stay humble. Stay vulnerable. Stay authentic. Stop judging others and just love them. For in my weakness, He is strong. Praying for you my friends.
NomiMalone Posted January 27, 2018 Posted January 27, 2018 Day 11 The only thing that has kept me going has been the drive to process what went wrong in the relationship, and why, and to learn how I can improve myself and become a better person, so that next time around, I can make better informed choices. 1
clist8511 Posted January 28, 2018 Posted January 28, 2018 You certainly sound like you are and its helped me as well. And yes, that's exactly what you need to remember. It would have been consistent. You wouldn't have felt like you were losing your mind. It's crazy how one day everything just slots into place.
Beachead Posted January 28, 2018 Posted January 28, 2018 (edited) It's crazy how one day everything just slots into place. That's how it is. Happened to me the same way in the past. One day you wake up and suddenly it hurts a little bit less because your brain just suddenly made sense of it all. But to get there, you had to dive right into your pain, feel all those emotions, and process slowly. That's why I always tell people..don't bury the pain. Face it, embrace it..let it burn. You come out of it wiser. You also come out of it learning more about yourself and how to deal with similar situations. It's a pivotal moment in the healing process. You'll still hurt but you're on your way to being okay. Copy and paste your post to MSword and just save it for future reference. Going forward, everytime your mind falls back into those thoughts of missing them and blaming yourself..you can counter with this and remind yourself. Edited January 28, 2018 by Beachead 1
igotoverit Posted January 28, 2018 Posted January 28, 2018 Having a bit of a low period. At least I have ups now so that is improvement. Sometimes my ups feel like the downs are gone but they come creeping back. I am resting in bed in my housecoat and pjs. I am just feeling and healing. 1
igotoverit Posted January 28, 2018 Posted January 28, 2018 (edited) I am such a baby. I'm trying to come up with a plan b but half the times I throw myself more pitty parties then anything. Vulnrability, is that the point when he notices that the women he cares about is susceptible to being hurt by that person. Is that when the guy who cares for her starts to take care of her emotionally because I am not hearing that on the forum. I did read a letter called to the girl who's heart i broke and after reading one, I googled several. I am emotional. I can't tell if I am upset that I didn't have meaningful love, that I did in my head but he has fallen in love with someone else's vulnrability, that I am just in love with the idea of being in love but everyone else lives a way better life then I do so there for I am unloveable. I'm seeing a psychologist thankfully. Too much love possessing me and it might have a lot to do with Th Is forum. Edited January 28, 2018 by igotoverit
igotoverit Posted January 28, 2018 Posted January 28, 2018 If she's vulnerable then so is he right? If they are in love. I am stupid. You live once and I never swung in my life. I for fit every game and sabotaged myself to be nothing. Now I'm 35 and it better be too late because that's old. ****, I ****ed my life and I didn't realize it. I'll catch the next one I told myself and then my fng time was up. I feel it and there is no going back. What is wrong with me, maybe i am selfish and te only way on is to not be selfish ... or maybe the forums working and the talking is working. Suddenly I'm done talking and going to bed.
igotoverit Posted January 28, 2018 Posted January 28, 2018 And then there is the relationship when he can hurt her and she can hurt him. They are emotionally invested and were all here with our soles cringing because our hearts were not handled like it bothered them to break our hearts. Oh well, they'll get over it. A man will only be affected by one person whose hearts he's broken in his life, maybe it's the same for a women and we just weren't on that list....
igotoverit Posted January 28, 2018 Posted January 28, 2018 (edited) Why was it so hard? I feel like I'm walking Th is oath with several others. Only one will make it and he will not let her sleep alone at night. I am sleeping alone, I hear every noise, she has peace of mind all snuggled and safe in his arms and were suppose to just go find someone else right? Life sucks when you get this end of the stick. there is a lot of people and like the guru on the Lego ninjego movie said "you have to change your prespective" ..... we were dumped! Edited January 28, 2018 by igotoverit
MeadowFlower Posted January 28, 2018 Posted January 28, 2018 If anyone needs me I'll be in the woods somewhere living in a log cabin being a recluse. Come visit for coffee Loveshackers.
kaitlynlily6 Posted January 28, 2018 Posted January 28, 2018 In the verge of breaking up. Hard but better than staying in a toxic relationship. Keeping myself busy with side jobs and starting a hobby with plant growing and selling. Helps a lot with coping! 3
Jimmy3858 Posted January 28, 2018 Posted January 28, 2018 I’m doing SO damn good. Haven’t though about you till I decided to come back on this forum. Glad you are disappearing from my memories. I’m back in the gym, about to finish my half sleeve, generally happy af. Hope you’re doing good, I forgive you! 3
neverenough Posted January 28, 2018 Posted January 28, 2018 Today is day 21 and I feel so empty. I don't feel anything towards him. I don't care anymore if he's good or not... is this now an anger stage or somewhat?
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