How are you coping today?

[igotoverit]

I am only upset at how many people he had kick me down and then they just walked away like they did me some sort of favor. I feel sick but I'm going to get a coffee and clean my house. I have a busy day tomorrow and should have it cleaned by tonight. This is when I act like an adult and take care of my responsibilities.

[Jsos91]

If you do it, will you be tempted to contact her? What I mean is, do you have weak moments where you feel like reaching out?

 

Not really, she's with someone else now (the person she left me for actually) so... I'd rather not know the details of her life if I'm being perfectly honest. I've actually maintained NC since we broke up so I've never given into those temptations to speak with her.. I don't think I'll unblock her.. I'm not even quite sure why I've been thinking about it.

[Jsos91]

But what would be the point if you don't wish to have any contact with her again?

 

If you unblock her, you are essentially opening the door again for contact. Wait until fb "suggests" her as a friend or lists her profile under "people you may know." She will get the same notifications from fb on her end, too. So, she'll know she's been unblocked, which may trigger her to reach out.

 

IMHO, I think unblocking her is opening Pandora's box. You have nothing to gain and everything to lose (your progress) if you do.

 

Yeah you're probably right, honestly I think the only reason I was posting on here was to get people to tell me not to go through with it. When I've thought I would surely do it, I've started to get a bit of a sick feeling in my stomach so I think thats a sign right there that I shouldn't be doing it. I'll trust my gut (literally and figuratively) on this one.

[maybejune]

Not really, she's with someone else now (the person she left me for actually) so... I'd rather not know the details of her life if I'm being perfectly honest. I've actually maintained NC since we broke up so I've never given into those temptations to speak with her.. I don't think I'll unblock her.. I'm not even quite sure why I've been thinking about it.

 

I think that's the disagreement between your heart and your brain. You brain is telling you that you shouldn't contact her and any contact or any info from her will hurt you. But your heart has lingering feelings about her, the fact that she left you for another person didn't take away the memories in your heart, so the pain is the proof that she was in your life-- you may feel you blocked a part of your life too.

 

I agree with everyone said here, do not unblock her. Instead, just delete her on FB. I know it's hard to remove someone from your life , even the digital social media, but in order to prevent future pain, let's do ourselves a favor.

 

I don't think FB will list her on suggested contact in the future. At least, it hasn't suggested my ex yet.

[Jsos91]

I think that's the disagreement between your heart and your brain. You brain is telling you that you shouldn't contact her and any contact or any info from her will hurt you. But your heart has lingering feelings about her, the fact that she left you for another person didn't take away the memories in your heart, so the pain is the proof that she was in your life-- you may feel you blocked a part of your life too.

 

I agree with everyone said here, do not unblock her. Instead, just delete her on FB. I know it's hard to remove someone from your life , even the digital social media, but in order to prevent future pain, let's do ourselves a favor.

 

I don't think FB will list her on suggested contact in the future. At least, it hasn't suggested my ex yet.

 

 

Yeah the more I've thought over things the more I feel like I've maybe delayed my healing by blocking things out. As soon as we broke up I deleted everything I possibly could that reminded me of her.. but I think I also went into a bit of denial about everything and neglected my pain a bit. 8 months on and I do sometimes feel like I'm moving backwards... there are days where I barely think of her and then there are little periods of time where I hit a brick wall and a wave of pain overtakes me for a few days to a week.

 

Its funny, I was in such a hurry to heal and move on that I actually prolonged things by denying my pain. I guess I've learned a lesson in dealing with heartbreak.

[igotoverit]

I have a bit of an attitude .. sorry guys but I think I'm at the anger stage. I bounce back to this stage a lot.

[Happy Lemming]

I have a bit of an attitude .. sorry guys but I think I'm at the anger stage. I bounce back to this stage a lot.

 

Focus on the positive, like the client you got back!!

[igotoverit]

Focus on the positive, like the client you got back!!

 

There is no contact directly but the memories are engraved in my mind and I replay them over and over again. I think because I was so violated and alone, that I need to close this in a legal mannor. I don't think I am capable of just walking away. Eventually I'm going to need to sort out the hacking phones aspect and people showing up to my gym which I was deemed crazy but did happen

[igotoverit]

I could find out some names and slap them with a no contact but charges should be laid and these guys and especially the ones who did this to me, should be further investigated.

[igotoverit]

I think the shame from all of this has caused me to isolate myself and be alone. I don't have a ton of confidence to be around anyone.. If they say anything then it can trigger a memory or something that was said during this. I don't associate with anyone these days and keep to myself. Once I was looking for a gym buddy to have conversations with and once you meet one person, you can meet several. It's easier to meet people in groups of two then by yourself. Then again I only wanted to do that so I would have pictures on my facebook and I was shallow so I only would have taken pictures with people attractive enough to be in my pictures .. So it all comes down to me anyways needing to work on myself. This is a major distraction. I wish I could remove it and do what I have to do now...

[Cora]

I’m doing ok....not really sad, just been thinking a lot about things. What I saw last night put this into motion. I don’t know what possessed me to look as I haven’t in awhile....I guess I was just curious. This is regarding my ex from several years ago. I took that break up a lot harder than my most current one.

 

Anyway, I looked at his current girlfriends Facebook page. (The girl he left me for.) She had this video posted of the two of them out at this restaurant eating sushi. She was documenting it because it was apparently her first time trying it. As I watched and the camera shifted on him...I could not take my eyes away...he looked genuinely happy. Then I heard him talk and it was as if time stood still. It was the first time I heard his voice in three years. I had goosebumps. It was eerily familiar yet foreign to me, if that makes any sense? He was saying something sarcastic to her with a smirk on his face in that same tone he used to use with me. I realized how much I missed that voice and yet felt so betrayed at the same time after how he hurt me so deeply. I also realized that she now knew him so much better than I ever did or ever will. I never even knew he liked sushi. He always seemed like a meat and potatoes type of guy when we were together. Just little things like that I don’t even know about him.

 

I have these thoughts sometimes...like what would happen if I saw him on the street one day? What if they were together when I saw him? Would I completely freeze in my tracks? Would I try to run and hide? Would I stand my ground? Would I be cordial? Would I be rude or maybe just nonchalant? Would I even acknowledge him? Would he even acknowledge me? How would he introduce me to his girlfriend? Would I like her? Would I tell her he was just a friend to me before?..an acquaintance?....or a lover? Has he already told her all about me? Made me out to be some crazy person? Or had he never mentioned me at all? All these questions...all these thoughts running through my mind. All meaningless really. None of it matters. I know that. Still my mind doesn’t stop. Perhaps I’ll always wonder...

 

One things for certain...I’ll never understand how someone who claims they love you, someone whose perfectly healthy, use health issues to break things off with you all the while busy....off wooing his current girlfriend...

[igotoverit]

I’m doing ok....not really sad, just been thinking a lot about things. What I saw last night put this into motion. I don’t know what possessed me to look as I haven’t in awhile....I guess I was just curious. This is regarding my ex from several years ago. I took that break up a lot harder than my most current one.

 

Anyway, I looked at his current girlfriends Facebook page. (The girl he left me for.) She had this video posted of the two of them out at this restaurant eating sushi. She was documenting it because it was apparently her first time trying it. As I watched and the camera shifted on him...I could not take my eyes away...he looked genuinely happy. Then I heard him talk and it was as if time stood still. It was the first time I heard his voice in three years. I had goosebumps. It was eerily familiar yet foreign to me, if that makes any sense? He was saying something sarcastic to her with a smirk on his face in that same tone he used to use with me. I realized how much I missed that voice and yet felt so betrayed at the same time after how he hurt me so deeply. I also realized that she now knew him so much better than I ever did or ever will. I never even knew he liked sushi. He always seemed like a meat and potatoes type of guy when we were together. Just little things like that I don’t even know about him.

 

I have these thoughts sometimes...like what would happen if I saw him on the street one day? What if they were together when I saw him? Would I completely freeze in my tracks? Would I try to run and hide? Would I stand my ground? Would I be cordial? Would I be rude or maybe just nonchalant? Would I even acknowledge him? Would he even acknowledge me? How would he introduce me to his girlfriend? Would I like her? Would I tell her he was just a friend to me before?..an acquaintance?....or a lover? Has he already told her all about me? Made me out to be some crazy person? Or had he never mentioned me at all? All these questions...all these thoughts running through my mind. All meaningless really. None of it matters. I know that. Still my mind doesn’t stop. Perhaps I’ll always wonder...

 

One things for certain...I’ll never understand how someone who claims they love you, someone whose perfectly healthy, use health issues to break things off with you all the while busy....off wooing his current girlfriend...

 

 

 

That sucks. Sorry you had to see that. It's what is happening to all of us when we aren't seeing it. I think you'll be glad you seen that in a couple of weeks and it will help you move on. Will it?

Edited January 26, 2018 by igotoverit

[Beachead]

Started studying Full-Time today. First huge step forward since the break-up and first step forward towards my plan B. Maybe it's the fear of things not working out for me since I struggle just to get through the days but I was aware of my missing her and wanting to reach out. Going a little deeper, I missed how I felt being with someone and the good feeling of that someone caring about how my day went. We were not meant to do it all alone. We need love and I know I am not receiving it to my needs. It's when things become overwhelming that it all becomes apparent. How tired and stretched thin I feel from doing it alone. I feel it in my bones.

 

The only way I see myself getting out of this is to do well. Just keep my eye on myself and get things done

Edited January 26, 2018 by Beachead

[maybejune]

There is no contact directly but the memories are engraved in my mind and I replay them over and over again. I think because I was so violated and alone, that I need to close this in a legal mannor. I don't think I am capable of just walking away. Eventually I'm going to need to sort out the hacking phones aspect and people showing up to my gym which I was deemed crazy but did happen

 

Replaying memories is the hardest part. I don't know how to stop it, I'm suffering from it everyday.

 

My therapist ( he doesn't fit my situation though ) once told me to put a rubber band on my arm, once I find myself doing that I should pull the band and release it... The next day, my arm looked terrible. -- I don't know if anyone tried this , or if this method ever worked. I stopped after day 1.

What I learned from it is, emotional wound is invisible but the hurt is enormous than I can imagine, the replaying trap can sneak in our mind so easily that we should pay attention, once it starts, try to find people to talk to or do something else.

 

Take care.

[Cora]

That sucks. Sorry you had to see that. It's what is happening to all of us when we aren't seeing it. I think you'll be glad you seen that in a couple of weeks and it will help you move on. Will it?

 

I don’t know if I’d say it so much as bothered me rather than just made me think about things.....maybe wishing I had the closure he never gave me...having to find my own closure etc. Seeing it kind of put things into perspective for me...kind of made it real. Made me realize what she has and what I no longer have. Made me miss the feeling of having a significant other in my life and not so much missing him alone. I didn’t get sad or shed a tear when I saw the video. I’ve dated since then and even experienced another breakup since. It just brought up a lot of memories good and bad I guess.

[Cora]

I have my moments of sadness, but I’m actually doing a lot better than I was. I have since adopted a cat and he has been the best thing! It has helped tremendously with the loneliness and keeps me busy.

[NomiMalone]

Day 9

 

I've found a nice new place to move in to, but I'm dreading moving in. Moving in would cement the fact that this is now my reality, and that makes me so sad. I don't even think I should commit to the lease given this is how I feel, but I have no other choice as I can't stay at the hotel forever.

 

I've never felt so lost and so devastated in my life. I have nothing to look forward to and every day just brings more of the same sadness. I keep wishing that I'd wake up to find that all this has just been a bad dream.

[Happy Lemming]

Day 9

 

I've found a nice new place to move in to, but I'm dreading moving in. Moving in would cement the fact that this is now my reality, and that makes me so sad. I don't even think I should commit to the lease given this is how I feel, but I have no other choice as I can't stay at the hotel forever.

 

I've never felt so lost and so devastated in my life. I have nothing to look forward to and every day just brings more of the same sadness. I keep wishing that I'd wake up to find that all this has just been a bad dream.

 

Is there a month to month option on this lease situation?? Some landlords will write a month to month option on the lease (for a premium)... You could try the new place and if you don't like it; you are obligated for 30 days.

[NomiMalone]

Is there a month to month option on this lease situation?? Some landlords will write a month to month option on the lease (for a premium)... You could try the new place and if you don't like it; you are obligated for 30 days.

 

Thanks Happy_Lemming, that's a great idea. I'll look into it!

[Happy Lemming]

Thanks Happy_Lemming, that's a great idea. I'll look into it!

 

Glad to help...

 

I always stay in month to month apartments (when I rent), as I'm always looking for my next project house and I never know when its going to come on the market. I had one place that let me leave mid-month and only pay for the weeks I was there. I was quite surprised, I guess they had a new tenant ready to go in.

 

And in the end, worse case, you give 30 days notice that you aren't going to renew next month and you are only stuck for those 30 days.

[neverenough]

Day 19 - I realize that I'm forcing myself to want him back because I was used to that feeling the first two weeks. Now I kind of think that things cannot work out... I thought that his would take me much longer because after my first break up it did. Even though I though that this relationship was much longer, more filled with love and a "serious" relationship I came to the realisation that it was all me the last 3 and a half years who put the love and effort into it and I'm so over this whole thing.

I was like this my first relationship and the last one and it didn't get me anywhere. It is not that I am expecting everything in return but, oh god, why should I compromise all the time... it is not even compromising, it's just doing what they expect me to do. I want to do what feels right for me.

I couldn't imagine that No Contact would help me THAT much. I am so proud and gratefull that I didn't beg and that I started with NC immediately

[Beachead]

Feelings of knowing what she did, knowing she couldn't care less, knowing what kind of emotionless reply I'd get if I reached out..and yet, missing her and wanting to reach out anyway.

 

Madness.

 

She was the shore and life was an ocean. Being with her was getting out of the ocean and resting on that warm sand. The soothing nature of the waves crashing onto the shore and the trees rustling in the breeze. Feeling the sun dry me off and warm me up. Her leaving was watching myself unwillingly leave all that to be thrown back out into the waves to drift back out into deep waters again to die. If I could only describe where I'm at right now emotionally..it's somewhere in the middle of the ocean. No land in sight. No boat. Just me with my life-vest, and my will to live.

Edited January 26, 2018 by Beachead

[hurtsbadjusthurts]

Felt good today, working on some of the things raised at therapy yesterday. Feels a bit like i've already started the journey to being a better version of myself, So at least i know the future will be a little brighter.

 

No matter how tough this has been, its been a blessing. I am stronger.

 

Hope everyone is doing well?

[igotoverit]

I just woke up from my nap but because I absolutely had to. I kept looking at the clock, I have an hour, I have 40 minutes, I have a half hour.. If I didn't have to wake up, I would have stayed sleeping. I don't know if anyone has experience with this but I am tired all the time. I think it's the mental stress and my body's way of healing.. Anywho, I am up! I am about to make myself a cup of tea cause it's too late for coffee and then get ready for my chicken wing night. Tonight's wings are buffalo and barbeque with a shot of garlic parmesan (dipping Sauce). I also picked up some carrots and cellary sticks which i'll cut up to make it restaurant style. Watch a movie and eat.. Tomorrow's a new day and I hope I don't waste this entire weekend since in all fairness, he took five years. I think that's long enough. no?

[CantTakeMySmile]

Coping today because what other choice do I have. Today has been the worse in a while. Maybe because I feel like I am getting sick, and am all achy. One good thing is I have no desire to call her. Still missing her so much. Would love to feel her against me on this couch rubbing my head.

 

It is what it is. Tomorrow is not today and I hope tomorrow is better!