igotoverit Posted January 24, 2018 Posted January 24, 2018 That's great news!! Congrats!! Thanks. Some posts get to me and I start to pretend I'm fine but I'm still not. I can see my initial reactions avoidance. Honestly, I would hate to see him like other women's instagrams. I guess I should be happy to be moving on so many miles away from hiM I'm making steps. 2
Minneloa Posted January 24, 2018 Posted January 24, 2018 Ugh. *headdesk* Got up, showered, went to work in a outfit that earned a compliment from my most stylish colleague, had a successful morning, yet all I can think about is the one part of my day that did not go quite as well as I hoped. Relentlessly self-critical, that's me.
NomiMalone Posted January 25, 2018 Posted January 25, 2018 Day 8 I dreamt about him last night. Nothing really happened, but he was there. This pain is so unbearable and I just can't stop crying. I actually don't know how to live a life without him. I miss him so, so much.
clist8511 Posted January 25, 2018 Posted January 25, 2018 I think, if possible, we really should delete exes from all social media, their lives are irrelevant to us, nothing good but more pain. Meanwhile, try not to stay alone too much time, alone time is always generous for thinking about exes. So go out-- go to parks you know s/he won't go, go to bars, go to gym, meet friends, call friends family or anyone, even go shopping -- if you only do grocery shopping once a week, now, do it everyday maybe. It's so hard to avoid those flashbacks, but next time, call a friend and tell them, at least you wont feel so lonely and they will help you to take your mind off her. Be kind to yourself. Definitely keep them off all forms of SM. At first it feels good because in some way you still have a connection to them but... it soon gets very painful. In fact, social media is probably the worst part of a break up. It's not helpful at all. I can't even open an Instagram account because I know I'll succumb to a weak moment and message her. Can't think of any benefits to SM at all!! How are you coping maybejune?
clist8511 Posted January 25, 2018 Posted January 25, 2018 Feeling a bit better mentally/emotionally, actually. Have read and read and read the downsides to breaking NC and drilled it into my head that it's 100% safer to be in NC. There is literally no benefit to breaking it. Also glad she changed her number now whereas before I felt upset by it, I'm glad. I can remember when she broke up with me a few days after I was literally sitting there watching her come online and go offline on WhatsApp, trying to work out patterns in her talking to someone, whether this meant she was flirting or what. Madness. I would not want to waste my time doing that anymore. Having a few minor physical ailments that are annoying me, I just need to get myself together a bit, physically. It's getting there. Hope you all are managing today 2
igotoverit Posted January 25, 2018 Posted January 25, 2018 I am having a rough night but I'm starting to realize that I don't need anyone else to make me feel better. I am currently replacing a hard drive in a ps4 and the new one is thinner then the old one. I am not sure if it's going to work, it said it would be compatible when I ordered. Normally, if things were not done perfectly, I'd have an anxiety attack but I'm drinking a cup of tea and saying ah, it'll eventually get done. I am going to log off and sit down with a bit more patience and try to get this thing working. If anyone has any experience with SONY, they aren't as easy as you think. It's cheaper to do it myself so I am going to do this thing myself. 1
Happy Lemming Posted January 25, 2018 Posted January 25, 2018 Day 8 I dreamt about him last night. Nothing really happened, but he was there. This pain is so unbearable and I just can't stop crying. I actually don't know how to live a life without him. I miss him so, so much. Is day 8 better or worse than days 7 or 6?? You lived happily before him and you'll do great things after him... 3
clist8511 Posted January 25, 2018 Posted January 25, 2018 Reasons to stay NC • She won’t want to get back together • Deep down, I don’t want to be with her, I am just acting out of fear • She may become annoyed, rude, blunt • She may tell me she’s with someone else • She may actually be with someone else and I will look like a mad ex who is refusing to move on • The word ‘stalker’ will be used • I won’t move on if I continue to contact her • It has to come to an end at some point • Every day in NC is a step towards healing • We agreed to give it time before we spoke again • It will hurt • There are no reasons to contact her • There are no benefits to breaking NC • I will cry and sink back into depression • How will it feel to end the conversation? • I don’t want to hear how she doesn’t want to talk to me, doesn’t love me, has moved on, leave me alone – none of that will be helpful and will feel like **** • Because as frustrating as this feels, I am making slow progress • We can’t be friends, no matter how much I try to convince myself otherwise • We can’t be friends with benefits, no matter how much I try to convince myself otherwise • Because it is 100% safer to remain in NC 3
clist8511 Posted January 25, 2018 Posted January 25, 2018 I am having a rough night but I'm starting to realize that I don't need anyone else to make me feel better. I am currently replacing a hard drive in a ps4 and the new one is thinner then the old one. I am not sure if it's going to work, it said it would be compatible when I ordered. Normally, if things were not done perfectly, I'd have an anxiety attack but I'm drinking a cup of tea and saying ah, it'll eventually get done. I am going to log off and sit down with a bit more patience and try to get this thing working. If anyone has any experience with SONY, they aren't as easy as you think. It's cheaper to do it myself so I am going to do this thing myself. Oh definitely, do it yourself. No point paying to have it done when you can just learn and save money. Well done you 1
igotoverit Posted January 25, 2018 Posted January 25, 2018 About 2 and a half years ago (wow this has gone on a long time), he sent me a fake profile of this guy Colin I spoke about to make fun of me. Well I had no idea what to make of it but that was that... so today 2 and a half years later I got a fb message from Colins mom. At first, I thought it was them but later found out it was really his mom. Colin was a few years older then me, grew up with him moved then later went to the same High School. He was just one of those people I wondered how they turned out. It turns out Colin is a single father to two girls, 5 and 7. Anyways, it's a little bit of irony.
NomiMalone Posted January 25, 2018 Posted January 25, 2018 Is day 8 better or worse than days 7 or 6?? You lived happily before him and you'll do great things after him... Thanks Happy_Lemming. Day 8 is a little bit better than day 7 Thing is the happiest years of my life were the years with him. He enriched my life in so many ways just by being him. We loved each other very much. Unfortunately we were simply incompatible in some aspects, and I couldn't compromise. Hope you're doing well
Happy Lemming Posted January 25, 2018 Posted January 25, 2018 Hope you're doing well I'm fine, all is well. I'm glad to hear day 8 is better than day 7 and day 9 will be better than day 8. One step at a time... 1
vickyp Posted January 25, 2018 Posted January 25, 2018 On friday my ex emailed me some money that was owing and a " I'm sorry for everything". It really did my head in. So I replied asking "sorry for what"? Lying to me manipulating me taking advantage of me? Of course I got no reply back. I was conflicted heart vs brain. Of course I wanted a sorry (my heart) but my brain (it's been 8 mths). It just ruined my whole weekend with those stupid games, and I fell for it. Monday night I had coffee with my friend. She saw how stressed I was about the whole situation plus he's still going to send more money next week, that my friend emailed him to say send it to me. She also informed him that he's now blocked on my email. (which he is) - I feel abit dumb for actually believing he would be sorry. I'm trying to not beat myself up about this but it's hard since I've been so good at nc.
1fish2fish Posted January 25, 2018 Posted January 25, 2018 It hit me after feeling like I took back my power and dignity by not responding to his pathetic "wants to be friends" breadcrumb, that the only reason why he's even throwing them at me is because he doesn't respect me. We broke up twice during our relationsh*t and I was the one who re-established contact first, despite him acting like an a-hole and treating me so poorly. So naturally he expects that I'll cave again. *sigh* All the more reason to NEVER acknowledge him again. 1
Jsos91 Posted January 25, 2018 Posted January 25, 2018 I've been going back and forth on something so minor but its been driving me up the wall. I've been toying with the idea of unblocking her on social media. Its been 8 months and I initially blocked her to help with NC and with my healing, now I've been feeling like a next step forward for me at this point is to unblock her. I dont want to be friends with her or anything like that, but the animosity is gone and I dont think its necessary to have her blocked anymore. Thus far, my decisions have always been made on the basis of what I feel is healthy for me. I've been thinking about doing this for the last couple weeks and I think its going to be on my mind until I actually go through with it. I think my only worry at this point is that I feel like I'm ready now but I may do it and feel worse.... maybe I just need more time to mull it over...
clist8511 Posted January 25, 2018 Posted January 25, 2018 I've been going back and forth on something so minor but its been driving me up the wall. I've been toying with the idea of unblocking her on social media. Its been 8 months and I initially blocked her to help with NC and with my healing, now I've been feeling like a next step forward for me at this point is to unblock her. I dont want to be friends with her or anything like that, but the animosity is gone and I dont think its necessary to have her blocked anymore. Thus far, my decisions have always been made on the basis of what I feel is healthy for me. I've been thinking about doing this for the last couple weeks and I think its going to be on my mind until I actually go through with it. I think my only worry at this point is that I feel like I'm ready now but I may do it and feel worse.... maybe I just need more time to mull it over... If you do it, will you be tempted to contact her? What I mean is, do you have weak moments where you feel like reaching out?
igotoverit Posted January 25, 2018 Posted January 25, 2018 Kind of feel like just being in bed and resting today surfing the world wide web and not doing much beyond that. I have a busy day tomorrow and some things over the next few weeks. Nothing wrong with down time when you can. I'm not feeling low but the past fives years did happen. I am accepting it. It didn't hurt to do this, but there was this person involved, I looked at her fb and she had pictures but her house was disgusting. I don't think I'd post a picture on fb like the ones she posts but to each their own. She shows me very unusual people partook so it helps to see this.
igotoverit Posted January 25, 2018 Posted January 25, 2018 I hate when people post pictures of their kids on fb and make it public. They do it as though pedophiles don't exist and I wouldn't want some random looking at my son. As if... shameful
1fish2fish Posted January 25, 2018 Posted January 25, 2018 I've been going back and forth on something so minor but its been driving me up the wall. I've been toying with the idea of unblocking her on social media. Its been 8 months and I initially blocked her to help with NC and with my healing, now I've been feeling like a next step forward for me at this point is to unblock her. I dont want to be friends with her or anything like that, but the animosity is gone and I dont think its necessary to have her blocked anymore. Thus far, my decisions have always been made on the basis of what I feel is healthy for me. I've been thinking about doing this for the last couple weeks and I think its going to be on my mind until I actually go through with it. I think my only worry at this point is that I feel like I'm ready now but I may do it and feel worse.... maybe I just need more time to mull it over... But what would be the point if you don't wish to have any contact with her again? If you unblock her, you are essentially opening the door again for contact. Wait until fb "suggests" her as a friend or lists her profile under "people you may know." She will get the same notifications from fb on her end, too. So, she'll know she's been unblocked, which may trigger her to reach out. IMHO, I think unblocking her is opening Pandora's box. You have nothing to gain and everything to lose (your progress) if you do. 4
clist8511 Posted January 25, 2018 Posted January 25, 2018 But what would be the point if you don't wish to have any contact with her again? If you unblock her, you are essentially opening the door again for contact. Wait until fb "suggests" her as a friend or lists her profile under "people you may know." She will get the same notifications from fb on her end, too. So, she'll know she's been unblocked, which may trigger her to reach out. IMHO, I think unblocking her is opening Pandora's box. You have nothing to gain and everything to lose (your progress) if you do. I agree. And also sometimes we reach a point with NC where we think we're ready for contact, ready to be friends... I say don't unblock her.
igotoverit Posted January 25, 2018 Posted January 25, 2018 I said I'd only nap for an hour but am stilL very tired. My body's telling me something but what? Is the mental stress making me tired? .. I'm going back to bed.
hurtsbadjusthurts Posted January 25, 2018 Posted January 25, 2018 Had my first session today. I'm really pleased how it went. Feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Learnt quite a lot of useful things. Helped me understand what's happened. And why its happened. Made me aware of my patterns, thinking errors and some beliefs about myself. Awareness is key. And i've been given a few things to work on. Excited to put the work in and make changes :-) Hope everyone is doing well? 4
1fish2fish Posted January 25, 2018 Posted January 25, 2018 (edited) I said I'd only nap for an hour but am stilL very tired. My body's telling me something but what? Is the mental stress making me tired? .. I'm going back to bed. Nothing wrong with that. Since my breakup from my toxic ex 9 mths ago, not a week has gone by where I haven't spent at least 2 (if not 3) entire afternoons napping on the sofa or watching movies. My mind needed a rest from all the emotional trauma. Now that I've started mountain biking and Ironman training, I'm only spending maybe one afternoon a week napping, which is a huge improvement. Listen to your body and treat it gently. Edited January 25, 2018 by 1fish2fish 2
maybejune Posted January 25, 2018 Posted January 25, 2018 (edited) Definitely keep them off all forms of SM. At first it feels good because in some way you still have a connection to them but... it soon gets very painful. In fact, social media is probably the worst part of a break up. It's not helpful at all. I can't even open an Instagram account because I know I'll succumb to a weak moment and message her. Can't think of any benefits to SM at all!! How are you coping maybejune? Thanks for thinking about me I'm good and bad from time to time. But I'm less anxious than few weeks ago, some progress, right? On my way to gym yesterday, I remembered last year's V Day dinner and flowers he sent me, I cried. After gym, I got better, I came home and knew that's natural, because radio, TV, commercials everywhere are trying to remind me that day. later on I had a call with my girl friend, we talked a bit about our week and planned for dinners in coming weeks, then I felt much better to go to bed. This morning, my ex became my first thought after I woke up, AGAIN !? Actually everyday... I felt shamed that I secretly still want him back. I read your reply about the reasons you should remain NC. Until then, I never realized that, I didn't choose to do NC, I was forced to do NC, because he didn't want to have any contact with me anymore -- I still put him on the pedestal , luckily he didn't contact me and won't. So here is the difference: when you choose NC, you know it's not good for you. But when I do NC, I feel that's only way to live, but I didn't kill the hope that he will come back -- no matter my brain had told me millions of times, and that's the reason I have to repeat to myself, wrote on my mirror: he will never ever come back. I never thought he is a bad person -- this thought becomes a huge challenge for moving on, because hate may erase good memories easier. But I know he was just simply not into me, for unknown reason that he wouldn't tell me. I wasted all these months trying to figure that out the reason, because like everyone says, breakup makes me feel not good enough, and I wanted to know which part isn't good. Understanding that, I do know why I needed to end the relationship with him, why I hadn't felt well about the relationship for a while, why I lost confidence about us. He had been very stubborn with me, he was always self-centered, he wouldn't compromise, he wouldn't want to have experience with me -- I see that as the death of relationship. He was waiting for this relationship to die. He is a great person in many ways, and I had great chemistry with him, but he is not good enough to be a long term partner for me. I'm a independent person and not needy at all, but I do need a caring partner. Now I may start to see NC differently. I move very slowly and move backwards sometimes, but I will try to keep myself busy, learn new things, track my feelings and work with my feelings. -- A promise I make to myself. Talking about feelings, I think this TED Talk may worth your 18 minutes: Feelings: Handle them before they handle you | Mandy Saligari | TEDxGuildford Edited January 25, 2018 by maybejune Fomat
Chilli Posted January 25, 2018 Posted January 25, 2018 (edited) Is it starting to feel like some kind of an illusion ? As if you never even knew him or her, like it didn't even happen , just wasn't ? As if if you were to talk to them right now, they'd be a totally different person , a stranger ? But then how can that be , your year , or two years, or 20years together , as if that was something else, someone else, or it didn't even happen, it just wasn't, and with whoever that was you don't know that person now, they've just gone from their body and whatever that time was together. Edited January 25, 2018 by Chilli 1
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