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How are you coping today?

Riou

By Riou
in Coping

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Beachead Established Member

Beachead

Posted
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Agreed. Which is why I'm not responding, and won't. This, I know. I got through my birthday, Christmas and New Year's receiving only 1 holiday breadcrumb (which I ignored) and I feel like since I survived (and thrived) the trifecta of all holidays, I can survive anything. :)

 

This only serves me in that I have recovered my dignity and power from when back last August I DID reply and meet up (because he wanted advice on some "big life changes" heading his way and that he values my opinion more than others (yawn) ). Our meet up didn't go well and ended with me in tears and him acting like a dick and not owning anything. Lesson learned and learned well.

 

It does get better, and it is. I'm happy and at peace, and I'm kicking ass in the gym. :)

 

I'd say what you just said there about the getting through the toughest holidays is an important note for all us when it comes to getting through those special days in the year.

 

It's interesting. It's the situations that take us out of our comfort zones and/or scare us, challenge us or damn near break us that end up shaping/growing/transforming us into something potentially better. It truly is up to us to make it that way. Even horrible break ups. As sh*t as it feels..it is still opportunity.

 

And there you are seizing it and making it work for you. Very inspiring to me.

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hurtsbadjusthurts Established Member

hurtsbadjusthurts

Posted
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I'd say what you just said there about the getting through the toughest holidays is an important note for all us when it comes to getting through those special days in the year.

 

It's interesting. It's the situations that take us out of our comfort zones and/or scare us, challenge us or damn near break us that end up shaping/growing/transforming us into something potentially better. It truly is up to us to make it that way. Even horrible break ups. As sh*t as it feels..it is still opportunity.

 

And there you are seizing it and making it work for you. Very inspiring to me.

 

You're bang on the money. If i was honest, this has been the hardest situation i've been through in my life.

 

I was caught of guard at the begin. And i remember thinking how was i ever going to get through it. But i have. I feel a lot stronger. I have an appointment to see someone on Thursday. I know i have some things i want to work on. In a few months i'll look back and and be so grateful for the experience. I love the fact i am taking the time to discover who i am. And after a long relationship making myself, my priority.

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Beachead Established Member

Beachead

Posted
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You're bang on the money. If i was honest, this has been the hardest situation i've been through in my life.

 

I was caught of guard at the begin. And i remember thinking how was i ever going to get through it. But i have. I feel a lot stronger. I have an appointment to see someone on Thursday. I know i have some things i want to work on. In a few months i'll look back and and be so grateful for the experience. I love the fact i am taking the time to discover who i am. And after a long relationship making myself, my priority.

 

That's great to hear.

 

Yea it is something very special. I spent most my life independant of relationships anyway but I can tell you, there is a certain clarity in solitude. Many of us get lost in the company of others and never really take the time to sit in silence and truly become comfortable in it. It's not scary as some people may think. The advantageous part of it is as time goes by, all that noise that was in our heads that came from the expectations and requirements of our family, lovers, friends, acquaintances, bosses whoever etc. start to vanish and we start to hear what's in our head. What we feel. What we think. What we need and want. It's good to just bask in it for several months. You might even let people down but that's okay. The people meant for us will understand and be there when we come back. Nothing wrong with giving your soul rest. That quiet time does wonderous things for our mind. And when you return to socializing and dating and what not..you won't ever really be quite the same. Perhaps someone who's far more mindful of their actions and their relationship with their environment.

 

Personally for me, I have discovered correctly balancing both a healthy social life and solitude accordingly the right move for me.

Edited by Beachead
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igotoverit Established Member

igotoverit

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I am at an awkward stage. I feel the need to get dressed up and grab a man's attention but realistically, I would like to be single for the next year and work on myself but now am really lonly so I need to use this forum during the lonly times

Happy Lemming Established Member

Happy Lemming

Posted
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I am at an awkward stage. I feel the need to get dressed up and grab a man's attention but realistically, I would like to be single for the next year and work on myself but now am really lonly so I need to use this forum during the lonly times

 

I'm here and listening...

 

Tell me about the rest of your day. You are not alone.

igotoverit Established Member

igotoverit

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I'm here and listening...

 

Tell me about the rest of your day. You are not alone.

 

You're too kind. I did laundry, cleaned my house, picked up groceries, started to paint, realized I don't paint anymore, stopped painting, talked to my friend on the phone (got me back at the gym by buying me a membership). Tomorrow I have a few meetings. I am going to run and grab myself a coffee and look for work. My membership at the new gym is waiting for this guy who lives two provinces away to fax a form, which he will do from work tomorrow and then I'll go tomorrow. I might do a workout video when the downstairs tenant leaves which he said he would leave in a hour.

 

Not a whole lot but I did have a lot of laundry to do... what about you

  • Like 1
Happy Lemming Established Member

Happy Lemming

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You're too kind. I did laundry, cleaned my house, picked up groceries, started to paint, realized I don't paint anymore, stopped painting, talked to my friend on the phone (got me back at the gym by buying me a membership). Tomorrow I have a few meetings. I am going to run and grab myself a coffee and look for work. My membership at the new gym is waiting for this guy who lives two provinces away to fax a form, which he will do from work tomorrow and then I'll go tomorrow. I might do a workout video when the downstairs tenant leaves which he said he would leave in a hour.

 

Not a whole lot but I did have a lot of laundry to do... what about you

 

Sounds like your day filled up.

 

Me... I gave up looking for that darn lost sock and starting working on my 2018 Estimated taxes. Yea, I know... YUK on taxes, but it has to be done.

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Beachead Established Member

Beachead

Posted
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I am at an awkward stage. I feel the need to get dressed up and grab a man's attention but realistically, I would like to be single for the next year and work on myself but now am really lonly so I need to use this forum during the lonly times

 

I bolded what I believe you truly want for yourself. The rest is distraction.

 

Keep that notebook and pen next to you and log in a small journal entry everytime your emotions change. Put the time in there too. If you do that everyday for a few months, you may notice patterns in behavior, thoughts, emotions and the time of day it happens. It's a good way and a good time as any to learn your healing process.

 

Try this for yourself. Write out 5 activities you've always wanted to do or want to improve upon and choose one and just sign up for it. This is roughly mine. I added a spiritual/intellectual category to it.

 

Social/Physical - Fun (Pick 1-2)

 

1. Martial Arts

2. Guitar Lessons

3. Acting Classes

4. Cooking Classes

5. Volunteer for Green Organizations/Animal Shelter

 

Intellectual/Spiritual - Fun (Try to accomplish both)

1. Invest 1-2 hours in Spiritual Self-Development per week (Read, Watch Videos, Audio Books)

2. Travel twice this year

 

It's a little more detailed in my own book but this is just to give an idea. And I figure if I write this out, I'll get somewhere instead of nowhere by the end of this year even if I don't accomplish everything I wanted to.

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igotoverit Established Member

igotoverit

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You guys have been great. I just got home with my coffee and will be sitting in my office working on jobs and such. I had clients but bailed on them and ghosted them because I was too depressed. Now I am starting from scratch and have to form some sort of an apology to save my reputation.

 

I will be doing my taxes next month. I have until April and haven't received my tax slips in the mail yet. If i dont receive them, I will call for them and get that done next month.

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igotoverit Established Member

igotoverit

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I know I sound like a b**** saying this, but I take pride in the fact I do NOT volunteer. I don't work for free. I have no interest in volunteering. I would include my past volunteer experiences on my resume because that's why I volunteered to begin with but never again will I ever spend time working for free. Life is way to expensive for that.

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Happy Lemming Established Member

Happy Lemming

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You guys have been great. I just got home with my coffee and will be sitting in my office working on jobs and such. I had clients but bailed on them and ghosted them because I was too depressed. Now I am starting from scratch and have to form some sort of an apology to save my reputation.

 

Yep, sounds like a plan.

 

Do you think you can get any of your clients back??

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sorano Established Member

sorano

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Today was one of those days. Tonight I will pray.

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Beachead Established Member

Beachead

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I know I sound like a b**** saying this, but I take pride in the fact I do NOT volunteer. I don't work for free. I have no interest in volunteering. I would include my past volunteer experiences on my resume because that's why I volunteered to begin with but never again will I ever spend time working for free. Life is way to expensive for that.

 

No not at all. To each is their own.

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igotoverit Established Member

igotoverit

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Yep, sounds like a plan.

 

Do you think you can get any of your clients back??

 

Not in my line of work. I am going to accept it for what it is and move on. Someone said here to take the back seat and take a ride and that's what I am doing through this grieving process. I was so down on myself, I didn't even realize what he looses. He will never know so maybe that's what makes this so difficult. He thinks his friend is where it's at, well good for him. I have to accept he made his choices and move on, some moments are harder then others, but I am clearly still remembering the wrong things.

clist8511 Established Member

clist8511

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Hello all - am reading through your posts all the time... well done on keeping up with the small steps of progress that you're all making.

 

Sorry I haven't commented, I've just been so tired. Keep posting and letting us know how you're doing... :)

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Happy Lemming Established Member

Happy Lemming

Posted
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Not in my line of work. I am going to accept it for what it is and move on. Someone said here to take the back seat and take a ride and that's what I am doing through this grieving process. I was so down on myself, I didn't even realize what he looses. He will never know so maybe that's what makes this so difficult. He thinks his friend is where it's at, well good for him. I have to accept he made his choices and move on, some moments are harder then others, but I am clearly still remembering the wrong things.

 

Don't give him any more power over you. No more thinking about him, thinking about what he lost, what he has, what mistakes he is or isn't going to make. You don't care, anymore.

 

Focus on you, the next step in salvaging your work/career and your new happiness that will be here very shortly!!

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clist8511 Established Member

clist8511

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Has anyone ever felt like they feel they're ready to just be 'friends' with the ex, even when it's quite clear they aren't?

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Minneloa Established Member

Minneloa

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Today was a rough one. I worked a half day because I am sick, and all the free time ended up making me sad.

 

Ah, well. I will try again tomorrow.

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igotoverit Established Member

igotoverit

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Has anyone ever felt like they feel they're ready to just be 'friends' with the ex, even when it's quite clear they aren't?

 

All the time. I am friends with all my exes but there is no feelings. They don't even feel like exes and even moved on to new relationships. My sons dad is married and it doesn't phase me. I dated a guy for about a year a decade ago and he bought me a gym membership and he's paying for it monthly. He has a new girlfriend too.

It may happen but in my experience, not right now for you. You miss her but ride it out. We all do but they moved on. They aren't pining for us. We are pining for people who do not love us and holding on to a what if they will but wont.

 

When they meet someone, if they haven't already, they will pine for them and we could still be here when they do.

clist8511 Established Member

clist8511

Posted
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Today was a rough one. I worked a half day because I am sick, and all the free time ended up making me sad.

 

Ah, well. I will try again tomorrow.

 

I'm sorry to hear that. Free time is so damned difficult. Sending you hugs x

Minneloa Established Member

Minneloa

Posted
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Thank you! Isn't it the worst? :mad:

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clist8511 Established Member

clist8511

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All the time. I am friends with all my exes but there is no feelings. They don't even feel like exes and even moved on to new relationships. My sons dad is married and it doesn't phase me. I dated a guy for about a year a decade ago and he bought me a gym membership and he's paying for it monthly. He has a new girlfriend too.

It may happen but in my experience, not right now for you. You miss her but ride it out. We all do but they moved on. They aren't pining for us. We are pining for people who do not love us and holding on to a what if they will but wont.

 

When they meet someone, if they haven't already, they will pine for them and we could still be here when they do.

 

How did you establish friendships with those people, did it just happen organically?

 

Ugh, imagine pining for someone who's pining for someone else. That's the lowest of the low. I remember doing 'NC' on a girl a few years ago who I found out was going NC with someone else! Lol.

 

No way. 'Friendship' right now is just too much, not with her.

  • Like 1
igotoverit Established Member

igotoverit

Posted
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How did you establish friendships with those people, did it just happen organically?

 

Ugh, imagine pining for someone who's pining for someone else. That's the lowest of the low. I remember doing 'NC' on a girl a few years ago who I found out was going NC with someone else! Lol.

 

No way. 'Friendship' right now is just too much, not with her.

 

It happened naturally. I never ended up on a forum like this and I functioned a lot different. I am pining for someone who is pining for someone else. you'll survive it like me and everyone else on the planet. Just ride it out and let time do its part.

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igotoverit Established Member

igotoverit

Posted
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It happened naturally. I never ended up on a forum like this and I functioned a lot different. I am pining for someone who is pining for someone else. you'll survive it like me and everyone else on the planet. Just ride it out and let time do its part.

 

Rejection is adding to your pain. If you picked away at all the pain your in, rejection would be a big chunk of it and a friendship would not only validate you, but take off the rejection and dejection. You don't need her.

  • Like 1
igotoverit Established Member

igotoverit

Posted
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Alright, night time is the worst for me. I am now scoping each section repeatedly to see If I find anything and I feel hurt by this one guy Fabio from a few years ago. In all fairness, he told me to connect with this guy Matt I was seeing. The guy was playing a hurfuĺ game. He never spoke to me directly and assisted these guys as they mocked me. I was torn. It felt like my insides were eating me. Then in another situation, I met with a potential dance partner who told me to connect with this guy Craig I was seeing. Hello, there were men, I was dating, perfect opportunity to dumpreject me and now, here I am a few years later alone, while he's out dating and I don't know how long or how often. It just sucks being here... I learned some threads shouldn't be read by me because they will hurt so you mostly find me on this one.

Edited by igotoverit
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