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Posted
Keep walking man. I was mainly freaking out bad about the breakup before I even found LS, and then I saw the first story where the dumpee had acted like me, then the 2nd, then the 3rd. Etc etc. We all do it, all go through the spin cycle, don't beat yourself up over a natural reaction.

 

It's just the good old universal grief cycle, you know that- check it out you're so clearly bouncing between Bargining:

 

 

 

And Anger:

 

 

Just take a back seat and let it ride out the cycle man. You're processing. Acceptance will come.

 

Or so I hear ;)

 

Good ol annoying grieve cycle. Like trying to get through food poisoning. Except instead of taking 1 day to heal up..it'll take up to a year.

Posted
Good ol annoying grieve cycle. Like trying to get through food poisoning. Except instead of taking 1 day to heal up..it'll take up to a year.

 

You shared so many good thoughts with me, sometimes I even forgot you are going through your grief too. Keep making baby steps :)

  • Like 2
Posted

Damn, I just relapsed and broke my NC by looking at her Instagram stories. But, again, it was just a moment of weakness and I was doing pretty good. I didn't feel anything related to her anyways. I'm just a little angry with myself.

Posted (edited)
You shared so many good thoughts with me, sometimes I even forgot you are going through your grief too. Keep making baby steps :)

 

I appreciate that. Yes indeed, I am. But never fear, any advice I give I've followed myself and has proven to help me get through my past experiences as well as helping me with my current experience. I practice what I preach. If I don't do it, I won't mention it. Things like Journaling, Therapy, Exercising, Alone time/doings things we love to do...and the No Contact ofcourse. I'm right there with you guys fighting the same battle.

 

Only thing for me is I know I'll get through this as well..it's just that didn't want to have to again. And it's frustrating to see my old road of Grief that I laid out for myself after going through situations like this because of people like this in the past. I had hoped I'd never see that place again.

 

But yep. I'm back. So just have to get through it until it's done.

Edited by Beachead
  • Like 2
Posted

My alcoholic ex (8 mths broken up) emailed another breadcrumb (he's blocked everywhere else), asking if I would talk to him "as a friend" if he called. He then asked me for my number in a follow up email because he lost it "awhile ago." I laughed and deleted both emails. He was probably drunk when he sent them - they came after 7 pm.

 

Later that evening, a twinge of guilt crept in - in the form of "what if he needs my help". Silly, I know. I was the most stable thing in his life for nearly a year, but he lost the privilege of asking me for advice and/or support when he dumped me so cowardly (via fb).

 

I'm looking forward to when he finally leaves the area for good - hopefully in a few weeks.

Posted
I appreciate that. Yes indeed, I am. But never fear, any advice I give I've followed myself and has proven to help me get through my past experiences as well as helping me with my current experience. I practice what I preach. If I don't do it, I won't mention it. Things like Journaling, Therapy, Exercising, Alone time/doings things we love to do...and the No Contact ofcourse. I'm right there with you guys fighting the same battle.

 

Only thing for me is I know I'll get through this as well..it's just that didn't want to have to again. And it's frustrating to see my old road of Grief that I laid out for myself after going through situations like this because of people like this in the past. I had hoped I'd never see that place again.

 

But yep. I'm back. So just have to get through it until it's done.

 

 

 

Yea, I forget to since your giving all the good advice on this site. I hope I come out of this as smart as you are.

 

 

I am doing a lot better today. I am up and about and getting things done which is very different from last week. I don't feel trapped in a dark cloud. I don't feel like I am stuck. I am looking for work and doing laundry. Today will be day 2 in the gym. I'm super excited about that.

 

 

I definitely appreciate all the things you share because of how much they helped me. I wish I had something to say to help you but I don't.. I don't have great advice or much experience but I know that you can't waste your life away on someone because it will suck after a period of time doing it.

Posted

I am doing a lot better today. I am up and about and getting things done which is very different from last week. I don't feel trapped in a dark cloud. I don't feel like I am stuck. I am looking for work and doing laundry.

 

I'm doing laundry, as well...

 

Sorry I missed your post last night, you weren't alone and you weren't driving people away. I'm still learning how to navigate the forum and didn't know about the "pinned" topics.

 

Glad to hear you are having a better day!!

  • Like 1
Posted

Well its getting so bad its gotta be good.

 

There is not a snowball's chance in hell that I ever want to see either of her faces ever again. ;)

  • Like 2
Posted (edited)
My alcoholic ex (8 mths broken up) emailed another breadcrumb (he's blocked everywhere else), asking if I would talk to him "as a friend" if he called. He then asked me for my number in a follow up email because he lost it "awhile ago." I laughed and deleted both emails. He was probably drunk when he sent them - they came after 7 pm.

 

Later that evening, a twinge of guilt crept in - in the form of "what if he needs my help". Silly, I know. I was the most stable thing in his life for nearly a year, but he lost the privilege of asking me for advice and/or support when he dumped me so cowardly (via fb).

 

I'm looking forward to when he finally leaves the area for good - hopefully in a few weeks.

 

Yea the danger with those types of breadcrumbs is the seed it plants in our head..because we do care even if we're extremely angry or hurt. And that vulnerability could manifest itself into a reply. A reply that could set us back real badly and give us more things to dwell on.

 

My ex breadcrumbed me 3 weeks after telling me she couldn't speak to me anymore because she didn't want to hurt her current boyfriend (Her ex). It was about a Job being at the time we broke up I was looking for work. I knew how pointless her message was so I ignored it but as my time passed by, that seed grew into a tree and my anxiety started to kick in and I started wondering if I had done her wrong by doing that. 2 weeks later, I ended up calling her and left a voicemail when she didn't pick up. She didn't return my call. So I crafted a big message just basically wishing her well and telling I was so doing okay and that I've stayed away out of respect and what not and sent it to her a few days later..she ignored it. It kicked my anxiety into overdrive and I sent one more asking her why she was ignoring me. And after all that, all she said was "I'm sorry, I promised him I wouldn't have contact with you." And with that embarrassing moment, my 36 days of No Contact went down the drain and I had to start back from Day 1 again.

 

That's what they do. They'll suck you in for whatever self-serving reason it may be (It will rarely ever be the reason we hope it would be), get your hopes all up, and crush you. All that hard work and progress you made from no contact gone. You must tread carefully.

Edited by Beachead
  • Like 2
Posted
I'm here. I hear you. :) You had helped me a lot.

 

Last week, he showed in my dream, and that shadowed my day, I even cried in office :( I took couple days off this site, because I related myself to every sad story here, and I felt deep sadness. Then I start to accept that my ex never loved me, he never wanted to share life with me even short period. So I was hurting and I spent the weekend to go through my emotions and cry as much as I wanted. -- I still have mood changes from day to day, but overall I'm more calm than before.

 

Let your emotions out, don't hold them in.

 

How are you since you finally get to NC? It may be hard in the first couple of weeks, you may literally look at clock and wait for the hours to pass, you may feel lonely because the phone now becomes too quiet and you're not used to it. But it will be better, you won't check your phone as frequently as before, you can go through the day not expecting anything to happen, or worrying about any drama.

 

Don't take the friends thing too seriously. As you know, I had those toxic friends, and they weren't good for me. Just go out and spend time with yourself. If you happen to meet people sharing similar interest, talk to them and have some laugh. Otherwise, you don't need to care much.

 

 

I am meeting with my kids dad this week who will be helping me move this summer. I am sure once I get out of this darn city and away from all the memories that this person has caused me, i'll be fine.

I don't want to be neighbors with people who did this nor do I want to give them the satisfaction if I ever ran into any of them. It's disgusting. Especially since I left the gym "hello" I quit the gym and that wasn't enough. Now my very good friend has gotten me a gym membership at a different gym so I'd get going again. I feel great when I do.

 

 

I found a horrible post they wrote me actually making fun of the fact I can't spell. Now it was funny two years ago but doing it today, after all this, shows these guys have some serious issues. I think the guy has moved on romantically so why remain visual in my life. Why not have the decency to leave and allow me to pick up the broken pieces this idiot left.

Posted (edited)
Yea, I forget to since your giving all the good advice on this site. I hope I come out of this as smart as you are.

 

 

I am doing a lot better today. I am up and about and getting things done which is very different from last week. I don't feel trapped in a dark cloud. I don't feel like I am stuck. I am looking for work and doing laundry. Today will be day 2 in the gym. I'm super excited about that.

 

 

I definitely appreciate all the things you share because of how much they helped me. I wish I had something to say to help you but I don't.. I don't have great advice or much experience but I know that you can't waste your life away on someone because it will suck after a period of time doing it.

 

I hurt my shoulder training yesterday so I'll be out of the gym for a few days but have a good Day 2 for me and more importantly, for yourself. Make it count.

 

Thank you for that. No need to feel the need to advise with me. It's all good. To be honest, being in a community of people who share in similar thoughts and feelings helps tremendously.

 

You're going to be okay. I am confident in that because you haven't given up on yourself and are actively looking for ways to feel better. You're also completely aware of how you are healing. When you get to that point where you don't care about this man anymore (And you will), that's when you'll have this sudden epiphany about your struggle. It'll be something along the lines like this.."Wow..I actually needed to go through that because I wouldn't have gotten to this point.." and so on so forth. It will blow your mind. I've known quite a few people who carry similar open-minded attitudes like you when they faced adversity and they always found their way back. You're going to be okay.

Edited by Beachead
  • Like 2
Posted
I am meeting with my kids dad this week who will be helping me move this summer.

 

I really enjoy moving to a new city/state. It fixes a whole host of problems, I can leave them all behind. You get a fresh start and there is so much to explore.

 

I found a horrible post they wrote me actually making fun of the fact I can't spell.

 

I never understood why people need to be mean, especially from the past. I don't know if this is evil, per se... but a wise woman once told me "True evil does exist in the world, try to avoid it"

 

By the way, how goes your laundry?? I just lost a sock and it was from a fairly new pair. RATS!!

  • Like 2
Posted

By the way, how goes your laundry?? I just lost a sock and it was from a fairly new pair. RATS!!

 

 

 

How do people loose socks in the dryer? I honestly am like the only one on the planet that this has never happened too..

Posted (edited)

I never understood why people need to be mean, especially from the past. I don't know if this is evil, per se... but a wise woman once told me "True evil does exist in the world, try to avoid it"

 

 

There are some terrible people and things that exist in this world. A lot of people don't lead happy lives because of society's pressures and meanness.

There are dangerous people and dangerous thing in this world that you should absolutely try to avoid.

There are a lot of unhealthy people too.

I am very mean to this person who was mean to me and probably always will be. I hope he leaves me alone so I can heal and work through this and finally move on once and for all. I don't want to learn anything or carry anything with me because of how disturbing this situation was. I'd much rather just do the right thing and surround myself by the right people and move on to the right life.

Edited by igotoverit
Posted

How do people loose socks in the dryer? I honestly am like the only one on the planet that this has never happened too..

 

I can't even use the dryer excuse... I'm hanging everything out on the clothesline. This is a head scratcher, how did I lose a sock from the hamper to the washer to the clothesline??

 

You NEVER lost a sock... now I'm envious of you!!

Posted
I'd much rather just do the right thing and surround myself by the right people and move on to the right life.

 

I've always believed in taking the "high road". I won't stoop down to a revenge level, although there was one time I really wanted to, but I didn't.

LONG STORY!! And I'm probably healthier for just letting it be.

 

Take the high road, and heal on the forum. You'll be a better person for it.

  • Like 3
Posted (edited)

 

You NEVER lost a sock... now I'm envious of you!!

 

 

 

 

 

Now I am far from perfect. I have a lot of work to do on myself. I have some personal digging and work to do. More so then a lot of people I know. But the one thing I can say is I have never lost a sock in the dryer. In your case, it may have been sucked up in the washer but that could only technically happen if you put too much clothes in the washer.

 

 

I don't cheap out on socks. I will pay extra money for socks and can honestly say I have never lost a pair of socks. The only time I've ever lost socks was to a hole or stains on the bottom of my white pair in which I threw them in the garbage. I have never lost socks doing laundry... It isn't possible to loose a sock in the dryer but it is possible to lose a sock in the washer, if your load was too full. am only assuming.

 

 

Technically I put my socks in first so they aren't near the top of the washer during the spin cycle. I assume that's how people lose socks but I can only assume since it has never happened to me.

Edited by igotoverit
Posted
I have never lost socks doing laundry... It isn't possible to loose a sock in the dryer but it is possible to lose a sock in the washer, if your load was too full.

 

No the washer wasn't too full, I'm thinking its somewhere in the house and it never made it to the hamper, thus it never made it in the washer. No worries.

 

We all have personal digging to do... I strive each day to be a better person, which is one of the reasons I'm trying this "forum" posting idea.

  • Like 1
Posted (edited)
No the washer wasn't too full, I'm thinking its somewhere in the house and it never made it to the hamper, thus it never made it in the washer. No worries.

 

We all have personal digging to do... I strive each day to be a better person, which is one of the reasons I'm trying this "forum" posting idea.

 

 

 

Normally I am a very rational person but these guys take rational out of my vocabulary and leave me with a ton of anxiety. I can tell by the way I speak, write, and my head just spins. I feel worse after I am in contact with them and by contact it's usually through another person or I find something they posted for me, they respond to my advertisements which I no longer have any up or any way for them to contact me.

 

 

Yesterday I found a post on a place I look for jobs and it was mocking me and my spelling.. It was brutal and it is down right cruel. It's not like I am scoping out the internet looking for what they write, even if I did that, you'd think they'd have the decency to respect my wishes and leave me alone.

 

 

I quit a gym that was very affordable because they sent a guy and I still don't know why. The guy isn't going to tell me but I did get his vehicle and license plate one day when he left before me. If I remember correctly it was a red truck with a white top. It's been a while and I submitted the details into the officer who was working on this case that has gone nowhere. At this point I would also be in trouble for reacting to it and sending mean responses. I also spoke to the gym manager who confirmed he joined slightly after I did.

 

 

I am so wrapped up in the anxiety of this that I need to stay away from it so I can heal and move on from the mental mess it made me. I am not proud of my reactions but I do feel good standing up for myself. When they shoot me a line making fun of my spelling, then I shoot them a line making fun of them too. I feel better but it doesn't stop it. I'm at the point where it just needs to stop.

Edited by igotoverit
Posted
When they shoot me a line making fun of my spelling, then I shoot them a line making fun of them too. I feel better but it doesn't stop it. I'm at the point where it just needs to stop.

 

Don't respond to them in any way shape or form. If they make fun of your spelling, just ignore it. They're grasping at straws and you're taking the bait. Don't give them the satisfaction of letting them know you saw their post. It all sounds very childish and you are too adult for stupid little child games.

 

You stated you found a new gym, so that problem is solved.

  • Like 1
Posted
Don't respond to them in any way shape or form. If they make fun of your spelling, just ignore it. They're grasping at straws and you're taking the bait. Don't give them the satisfaction of letting them know you saw their post. It all sounds very childish and you are too adult for stupid little child games.

 

You stated you found a new gym, so that problem is solved.

 

 

 

Thank you.. Yea, the problem is solved. I mentioned I had a bit of an obsession with the original guy who started this and kept returning to memories of the original relationship. At the same time, I have done a lot of self reflecting and it never would have worked. For starters, I used to tan and I didn't realize that tanning actually made my face red as oppose to a decent and normal color. I am pretty sure I didn't look as good as I thought I did but I felt good back then.

 

 

Since I stopped tanning, my face went normal, I like it much better. I am not going to worry about my appearance but start to feel healthy and so when I think of this person, I am not thinking of the what if's. I am realizing there was nothing in the first place and that makes it easier to move on.

 

 

You've been awesome. I am logging off to head out but I'll try to be more supportive going forward instead of only talking about my problems. I just don't have much experience or advice. I know so little when it comes to this kind of stuff.

  • Like 1
Posted
Yea the danger with those types of breadcrumbs is the seed it plants in our head..because we do care even if we're extremely angry or hurt. And that vulnerability could manifest itself into a reply. A reply that could set us back real badly and give us more things to dwell on.

 

My ex breadcrumbed me 3 weeks after telling me she couldn't speak to me anymore because she didn't want to hurt her current boyfriend (Her ex). It was about a Job being at the time we broke up I was looking for work. I knew how pointless her message was so I ignored it but as my time passed by, that seed grew into a tree and my anxiety started to kick in and I started wondering if I had done her wrong by doing that. 2 weeks later, I ended up calling her and left a voicemail when she didn't pick up. She didn't return my call. So I crafted a big message just basically wishing her well and telling I was so doing okay and that I've stayed away out of respect and what not and sent it to her a few days later..she ignored it. It kicked my anxiety into overdrive and I sent one more asking her why she was ignoring me. And after all that, all she said was "I'm sorry, I promised him I wouldn't have contact with you." And with that embarrassing moment, my 36 days of No Contact went down the drain and I had to start back from Day 1 again.

 

That's what they do. They'll suck you in for whatever self-serving reason it may be (It will rarely ever be the reason we hope it would be), get your hopes all up, and crush you. All that hard work and progress you made from no contact gone. You must tread carefully.

 

 

Agreed. Which is why I'm not responding, and won't. This, I know. I got through my birthday, Christmas and New Year's receiving only 1 holiday breadcrumb (which I ignored) and I feel like since I survived (and thrived) the trifecta of all holidays, I can survive anything. :)

 

This only serves me in that I have recovered my dignity and power from when back last August I DID reply and meet up (because he wanted advice on some "big life changes" heading his way and that he values my opinion more than others (yawn) ). Our meet up didn't go well and ended with me in tears and him acting like a dick and not owning anything. Lesson learned and learned well.

 

It does get better, and it is. I'm happy and at peace, and I'm kicking ass in the gym. :)

  • Like 3
Posted
Thank you.. Yea, the problem is solved. I mentioned I had a bit of an obsession with the original guy who started this and kept returning to memories of the original relationship. At the same time, I have done a lot of self reflecting and it never would have worked. For starters, I used to tan and I didn't realize that tanning actually made my face red as oppose to a decent and normal color. I am pretty sure I didn't look as good as I thought I did but I felt good back then.

 

 

Since I stopped tanning, my face went normal, I like it much better. I am not going to worry about my appearance but start to feel healthy and so when I think of this person, I am not thinking of the what if's. I am realizing there was nothing in the first place and that makes it easier to move on.

 

 

You've been awesome. I am logging off to head out but I'll try to be more supportive going forward instead of only talking about my problems. I just don't have much experience or advice. I know so little when it comes to this kind of stuff.

 

That is a huge progressive step forward. Nice work.

Posted

Met a friend of mine today for a coffee. Her relationship has recently ended (He ended it with her.)

 

She said something i found interesting. Especially after my own situation.

 

She goes "Why are they so arrogant as to think we can't live without them. Do the literally think our lives are just over, without them? Lol"

 

Even when its tough and hard. We can still live without them.

 

First session at my local MMA gym today. It was really fun. Booked an appointment to speak to someone on Thursday(Want to make sure i heal and improve in the best way i can!) Talking the new woman i met, still feels a bit weird but its nice to have someone. Starting a business soon i'm excited about. Seeing friends this weekend.

 

I don't need anybody to live.

  • Like 1
Posted

I am painting and I never paint. I am painting a picture of a men's front hall closet with a women's pair of shoes in the closet. I am also going to have as the background a men's leg with a women's in between them. I am not the best at drawing feet so I'll have to make it work. When I am done, I am going to put it online and see if it sells. Maybe I can make some money off this hearbreak.. I have the picture in my head so I am going to paint it with acrylic

  • Like 1
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