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Posted

I really have to listen to people on here more. The ex keeps emailing me and I just went off on him about everything he did to me. I let him get to me and now I feel worse than before. Ugh. I really think I have to stop responding to him. Ugh. To

Posted

I'm going to jump off this forum for now - thank you everyone for being there, sharing and caring.

 

I feel like this is no safe space to vent, since I've talked with my ex about posting here before our break up and every post I make could be sort of read by her if she had the desire. I'm pretty sure she doesn't, however I will move on.

 

One last status update: I really hate being alone on the weekends. - Meeting someone tonight however - let's see how that goes.

 

I wish you guys all the best, I know you will stop hurting in due time.

 

-wave

Frank

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Posted

Today I am coping pure mince.

 

For the international audience, 'pure mince' is a Scottish expression denoting 'really bad'. Eg: 'The Scottish team were pure mince last night.'

 

Anyway, what about his for a weird dream: I dreamed I had a small torch, what you folks call a 'flashlight', stuck in my left eyesocket!

 

It was one of those small keying type torches, and the thing is it was facing inwards, though I do'nt know if it was actually switched on or not. I don't think it was. Don't know how it got there either, that wasn't part of the dream. It was an accident in some way though.

 

The sense of the dream was that I was frightened and panicked by it being stuck there, and I was trying desperately to gt it out. I think I was also embarrassed by the weirdness of having a torch stuck in my eye-socket, so I isolated myself away from people, to try to get it out.

 

But by this time, only about a half inch of the back of the torch was still sticking out my eyes socket, the rest was deep in my skull, and frighteningly, every time I tried to grip the end to pull it out, because it was kind of slimy, it just went further in. I was freaking out.

 

As it relates to the board: all the time, I was thinking 'If only my ex was here, she could help me with this. I'm sure she could get it out.'

 

Obviously she has done lots of small things like that for me throughout our relationship- not removing torches from my eye, obviously, but I am reminded of her dripping olive oil in my ear when it was blocked.

 

Any dream analysts on board?

 

I figure this as being about 'introspection' in some way- I saw a diagram a couple of days ago which pictured an introvert looking back into his own mind, next to an extrovert who was looking outward. Maybe I have to give up on the introspection, my subconscious is suggesting it's now damaging me.

 

Anyway. Coping/not coping- it's all one, it's all weird and disturbing.

 

Good luck with today friends.

Posted
Yep.

 

 

 

I'm over 5 months in my breakup and over 3 months NC and even I'm going through a rough patch again. But I do feel improvement. I feel clearer, stronger. I don't feel paralyzed or in chronic pain and the emotions are quieter. Nonetheless, those results took time and hard work and investment. And because it's such hard work, nothing will suck more than breaking that NC and letting that undeserving person take all your results away when they get to hear from you again and get to break you again. So don't give him ammunition to work with. People like that are fueled by our attention/reaction. When you give nothing, they starve to death and become completely powerless.

 

Beach, I read this and it resonated so loudly.

 

First I want to say 'well done' - getting this far is such an achievement. You have shown your strength here. It's inspiring.

 

Second, I have been tempted to break NC again. But reading this has made me realise that there's more to lose by doing so.

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Posted
My friends don't want to go out because they all have girlfriends. I have no single friends and I'm alone on a Friday night. I miss her so much and I would do anything to have her here now. Is this how it's going to be from now on? Me just alone all day everyday? I'm just so tired of being sad and hurt.

 

I feel like this, too. I have the same problem with friends; my best friend doesn't talk to me anymore because she's pregnant and just.. we've just grown apart. We don't talk. I see another friend maybe once every two weeks. I have no one, really.

 

It's so bad that I've even thought about pretending to be over everything and inviting my ex over, just so that I could have someone to be around.

 

I can't see how it's ever going to improve.

 

I'm so sorry for your pain. Please take comfort in the fact that what you're feeling is felt by others and it's probably a normal part of this process, and will pass in time (we hope).

Posted

Really depressed actually. I went out today but it was exhausting just being out. Didn't feel much energy and although I was surrounded by hundreds of people, felt like I was on a different planet. I didn't tip the waitress. I feel like I wasted money on everything I spent today because I wasn't smart or patient enough. I feel this cloud following me wherever I go. I hope it gets better.

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Posted

I feel so depressed too. Listening to an 80's playlist on Spotify and it's keeping my mood above rock bottom, though not much tbh. If it wasn't for music I really don't know what I'd do. Funnily enough the song on right now is 'Tainted Love' :sick:

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Posted

Lol, the song now is 'Don't You Want Me?' - come on :mad:

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Posted

I can't even remember the lyrics but there was a song in the car on the way and it was this upbeat love song, and it absolutely devastated me. I felt like why do people make music for some to enjoy while others are in complete misery. Those songs don't sound like there helping you any.

I am back in the gym Monday and went through a lot of my savings that I can't afford to take much time off. It's time to get back to work now.

 

 

I can't believe this guy would leave me in such a tough spot and walk away. To think of what he could have done for me but closing this and didn't. I feel for you.. Waiting for healing to begin. I hope I don't have to wait to long. I feel like I am doing all the work and nothing is happening.

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Posted
Really depressed actually. I went out today but it was exhausting just being out. Didn't feel much energy and although I was surrounded by hundreds of people, felt like I was on a different planet. I didn't tip the waitress. I feel like I wasted money on everything I spent today because I wasn't smart or patient enough. I feel this cloud following me wherever I go. I hope it gets better.

 

Why not? What did she do to deserve that? It probably would make you feel a smidgen better to do a kindness, don't you think?

Posted
I can't even remember the lyrics but there was a song in the car on the way and it was this upbeat love song, and it absolutely devastated me. I felt like why do people make music for some to enjoy while others are in complete misery. Those songs don't sound like there helping you any.

I am back in the gym Monday and went through a lot of my savings that I can't afford to take much time off. It's time to get back to work now.

 

 

I can't believe this guy would leave me in such a tough spot and walk away. To think of what he could have done for me but closing this and didn't. I feel for you.. Waiting for healing to begin. I hope I don't have to wait to long. I feel like I am doing all the work and nothing is happening.

 

They were just completely random, I skipped them though.

 

Good for looking forward and planning the gym on Monday; just imagine how good you'll feel after you finish that workout :)

 

I get what you mean about doing all the work/feeling nothing changing - it's very demoralising. Makes you feel like giving up.

Posted
Why not? What did she do to deserve that? It probably would make you feel a smidgen better to do a kindness, don't you think?

 

I didn't say anything towards her but I feel for you. The rest was pertaining to myself and my healing. I feel like I am doing all the work on myself but the pain does not lesson. I said nothing of the nature to be taken as unkind and she liked my post. Are you personally okay

Posted
I didn't say anything towards her but I feel for you. The rest was pertaining to myself and my healing. I feel like I am doing all the work on myself but the pain does not lesson. I said nothing of the nature to be taken as unkind and she liked my post. Are you personally okay

 

Did you mean to post this to me? I only asked why you didn't tip the waitress. Was it on purpose?

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Posted

Playlist has just thrown out 'I'm Still Standing' - yes. I guess I am. Just about.

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Posted (edited)
Did you mean to post this to me? I only asked why you didn't tip the waitress. Was it on purpose?

 

Oooooh .. she was terrible and there was no way I was going to tip her. I'll never go to that place again either.

Edited by igotoverit
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Posted

I really feel like I wasted a lot of money I didn't need to waste, I really feel like I screwed my life when I met this guy and then it was so much worse after. I know I can't lay down now, I have to get up and put some balls back in the air. I feel like I can't keep up with my tasks and life, I keep wishing for immediate change but it isn't going to happen. It's time I get up and make the changes.. I'm going to make myself a coffee, didn't have a lot today. Have a bath and light some candles and bring on healing. I might send him an email telling him how he ruined my life. I'm not sure yet... I feel better when I do!

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Posted
I really feel like I wasted a lot of money I didn't need to waste, I really feel like I screwed my life when I met this guy and then it was so much worse after. I know I can't lay down now, I have to get up and put some balls back in the air. I feel like I can't keep up with my tasks and life, I keep wishing for immediate change but it isn't going to happen. It's time I get up and make the changes.. I'm going to make myself a coffee, didn't have a lot today. Have a bath and light some candles and bring on healing. I might send him an email telling him how he ruined my life. I'm not sure yet... I feel better when I do!

 

Don't send the email. Every time you do that you give him a little bit of your power. Enjoy the bath and then go to bed. Tomorrow's a new day :).

 

P.S. Do you tend to spend money when you're depressed? I hate shopping with a passion, but even I have done that and then regretted it. Maybe you could return some of your purchases, which will also help you feel like you're regaining some power.

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Posted
Don't send the email. Every time you do that you give him a little bit of your power. Enjoy the bath and then go to bed. Tomorrow's a new day :).

 

P.S. Do you tend to spend money when you're depressed? I hate shopping with a passion, but even I have done that and then regretted it. Maybe you could return some of your purchases, which will also help you feel like you're regaining some power.

 

Good idea. This is a good way of getting rid of the regret, and makes you feel a lot better.

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Posted

I do spend money when I am depressed. A lot of it and then I highly regret it... I dropped 700 at foot locker. Who flippin does that.

Posted
I do spend money when I am depressed. A lot of it and then I highly regret it... I dropped 700 at foot locker. Who flippin does that.

 

Don't beat yourself up, at the time you wanted to and needed the relief. It's important that you don't have a go at yourself. I spent 200 on shoes and jackets this week; I've sent them back and feel much more in control now. Perhaps you could take the stuff back?

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Posted (edited)

I have to edit posts that may give out to much information. It's online and you never know right!

Edited by igotoverit
Posted
I really feel like I wasted a lot of money I didn't need to waste, I really feel like I screwed my life when I met this guy and then it was so much worse after. I know I can't lay down now, I have to get up and put some balls back in the air. I feel like I can't keep up with my tasks and life, I keep wishing for immediate change but it isn't going to happen. It's time I get up and make the changes.. I'm going to make myself a coffee, didn't have a lot today. Have a bath and light some candles and bring on healing. I might send him an email telling him how he ruined my life. I'm not sure yet... I feel better when I do!

 

 

Don't. It'll just be a temporary good feeling and will give him the impression he has all the power over you. They all want to feel like they have you wrapped around their finger still. Don't give him that satisfaction. He doesn't deserve it. All that hard work you spent not talking to him will be erased and you'll have to start from Day 1 all over again feeling like sh*t about yourself. Send that anger into a journal instead. Fight your way one day at a time to 1 week of NC. Treat yourself to for it. Get to 2 weeks. Treat yourself again. Plant one foot forward and keep walking. Even if you are suffering, without your reaction, he becomes powerless and that means everything.

 

There are no immediate results. It won't come tomorrow, next week or next month. You can't force it or speed it up. Can't blink it away. It's just bad food that you swallowed and now you just have to wait until you excrete it. You'll cry and feel like sh*t and get super angry and discouraged and then feel nothing at all and it'll just be a cycle that won't feel like anything is getting better. But actually, you will be working through your emotions and your thoughts gaining more and more clarity each and everyday. One day will come whenever it will be when you wake up one morning and you suddenly surprise yourself with this realization of "..wait a second, am I feeling better? I am." or "Am I starting to catch feelings for someone new?? I am." or something that you never thought you'd feel again.

 

And that will be the day you'll know you're going to be okay. Not just that, the day you'll actually transform into someone stronger. Because it'll all come full circle back to you. Getting through something you thought you'd never get through and feeling things you never thought you'd feel again. You'll experience it. Believe me. It'll blow your mind when it happens and then this whole process and how hard it was and perhaps things that we said here or people said in real life and things that happened with this terrible guy will suddenly hit you in a different light. Suddenly, you'll see the lessons you've learned. It'll suddenly all click and in a flash, you'll be a new person. Just like that.

 

Nothing's a waste. Even the crappiest of experiences. This is the best time to practice that method of thinking. There's no better opportunity.

 

But until then, just let what you feel flow freely and concentrate on planting each foot forward one step at a time. The rest will sort itself out.

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Posted

Ugh, I feel super depressed and very upset about the whole thing. It's not a good feeling. I feel such disgust and I don't think I showered today. My fortune cookie said "a man's character will shine in the midst of true humor" and I thought well that's bizzare since I was a clown and his true charactor did shine through this. It's like I am in denial of his true charactor. I am sitting here wasting my life away, while he is off at some fancy party with a women quite capable of being seductive.

 

If you seen me, you'd be like time to move on. So what's stopping me, I feel like it's impossible for me to move on. I have no good advice to give you. I have learned nothing but when im over this, to remember this pain, steer clear of anything that can bring you back here again.

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Posted (edited)

I wrote this with the aim of sending it to her, and then I realised that it doesn't actually say anything. It doesn't even require a reply. After writing it out I realise that if she were to receive this, it wouldn't actually 'do' anything, and I'd still have to go back to NC. I feel so empty without this person in my life, and I have no idea what the answer is.

 

"Hi

 

I hope you’re OK. I’ve thought really hard about whether I should get in touch because I know we agreed not to talk. I am finding it really difficult not having you as part of my life. To not even know what you’re up to, or how work is, or even what you had for dinner… I don’t know how to describe it.

 

I know just as much as you how difficult our relationship was, but aside from that we had a lot of good times too, just watching films or ordering food together, or even playing the Xbox together. I miss all of that and I really don’t know how you feel or whether you even still think about me, maybe you don’t. I don’t know. There are things I want to tell you and show you about my life and it hurts that you’re not here anymore.

 

I don’t know what the aim of this message is. You aren’t going to say we can try again, and I doubt you’ll say we can be friends or meet up if I were to suggest it. I just miss you. Not talking to you is one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. I just want to talk to you all the time. I keep trying to distract myself, but all I ever really think about is you."

 

I can't stand break ups. I can't stand the fact that if I were to send this message, I'd just be seen as annoying, or someone who is 'refusing' to move on. It's not that I'm refusing to - it's that I am trying to and it doesn't seem to be happening. I am not enjoying feeling like this, being attached to someone who doesn't want to be with me, who changed their number so that we can't talk, who doesn't love me.

Edited by clist8511
  • Like 2
Posted
I wrote this with the aim of sending it to her, and then I realised that it doesn't actually say anything. It doesn't even require a reply. After writing it out I realise that if she were to receive this, it wouldn't actually 'do' anything, and I'd still have to go back to NC. I feel so empty without this person in my life, and I have no idea what the answer is.

 

"Hi

 

I hope you’re OK. I’ve thought really hard about whether I should get in touch because I know we agreed not to talk. I am finding it really difficult not having you as part of my life. To not even know what you’re up to, or how work is, or even what you had for dinner… I don’t know how to describe it.

 

I know just as much as you how difficult our relationship was, but aside from that we had a lot of good times too, just watching films or ordering food together, or even playing the Xbox together. I miss all of that and I really don’t know how you feel or whether you even still think about me, maybe you don’t. I don’t know. There are things I want to tell you and show you about my life and it hurts that you’re not here anymore.

 

I don’t know what the aim of this message is. You aren’t going to say we can try again, and I doubt you’ll say we can be friends or meet up if I were to suggest it. I just miss you. Not talking to you is one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. I just want to talk to you all the time. I keep trying to distract myself, but all I ever really think about is you."

 

I can't stand break ups. I can't stand the fact that if I were to send this message, I'd just be seen as annoying, or someone who is 'refusing' to move on. It's not that I'm refusing to - it's that I am trying to and it doesn't seem to be happening. I am not enjoying feeling like this, being attached to someone who doesn't want to be with me, who changed their number so that we can't talk, who doesn't love me.

 

 

 

Although I understand how you are feeling, I wouldn't send it. It isn't logical that you need to know what she had for dinner or what she is up to, even though it's how you are feeling.

 

 

That is in my opinion, your pain speaking and not you. I once received advice from the fab Beached that through time I'll find my own voice. I think you need to sit on the discomfort for a little bit and wait for that to pass. You think you need her but you really don't. Keep talking to us because I am listening .. I do feel your pain

 

 

You will get through this.

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