igotoverit Posted January 19, 2018 Posted January 19, 2018 I am so angry that I can not sleep. I feel so played with and put back on the shelf. He always has to have the last word and asks me to let go while he continues to leave fake profiles regarding me all over the internet. He took over my initial facebook. He violated me. He insists I'll grow into a better person but today it doesnt seem possible. I'm laying in bed alone still bothered by this and he's probably celebrating an anniversary of some sort with a women he eyed, chased, and developed a strong relationship with During this and he doesn't even have the decency to leave me alone so I can heal. Ever day I sink lower and lower while he refuses to understand that it is wrong that he did this.
igotoverit Posted January 19, 2018 Posted January 19, 2018 It's 1:15 am and I still can't sleep . It's been like this for almost two weeks. when I am lying in bed, I find myself rocking. I feel so much pain to the core of my entire insides are throbbing. I hope I heal but it doesn't seem possible. He is so valued and apparently some saint for helping me grow by making my life hell. He wrote just yesterday telling me I look like s###. If i am suppose to let go, then why is he writing it me?
Chilli Posted January 19, 2018 Posted January 19, 2018 Sorry about everythiing lgo, could you block him or bring yourself too ? 1
perception Posted January 19, 2018 Posted January 19, 2018 I'm laying in bed alone still bothered by this and he's probably celebrating an anniversary of some sort with a women he eyed, chased, and developed a strong relationship with During this and he doesn't even have the decency to leave me alone so I can heal. I can almost guarantee you that isn't the case, his behavior speaks volumes - he's hurting. However nothing justifies what he does to you, have you considered speaking to the police? 1
igotoverit Posted January 19, 2018 Posted January 19, 2018 (edited) I can almost guarantee you that isn't the case, his behavior speaks volumes - he's hurting. However nothing justifies what he does to you, have you considered speaking to the police? Maybe five years ago, but not today. I have gone to the police, they haven't priorized it because I am not in any immediate danger and they don't take cyber crimes that Serious. there is an open file. I also responded which makes it difficult. I sent a lot of responses. Edited January 19, 2018 by igotoverit
Beachead Posted January 19, 2018 Posted January 19, 2018 (edited) Had another of my ex early this morning. This is the second time that happened this week and this time it was worse because I remember what it was about. We were in some house. She was together with her ex. Her ex went to go get something. She asked me if she could talk to me for a moment. We stepped outside. She told me that she liked me but not in the way I wanted and that she was going to be with him for the rest of her life. She said everyone doubted it would work out between her and him but they worked through it and survived. I woke up feeling completely f*cked. Anxiety running wild. Blaming myself, missing her, wanting to reach out, wishing she'd reach out. Felt like I was suffocating almost. The worst part of it all was waking up and realizing this nightmare was already reality and there was no escaping it. FML Edited January 19, 2018 by Beachead 1
Fever of love Posted January 19, 2018 Posted January 19, 2018 The worst part of it all was waking up and realizing this nightmare was already reality and there was no escaping it. FML Know the feeling dude. My recurring nightmare is that my wife is lost, and I'm walking around through a horrible broken landscape, asking everyone where she is. Some people stare back at me in silent pity, and others just look away and ignore me, but nobody will help. Then I wake up, and the dream doesn't go away because it's reality. I actually came to thread to post my momentary private angst that she will marry this guy. I don't even like to write that, it's frightening. If she does, I don't/can't ever know. Experiencing a heavy degree of suicidal ideation at the moment too. Not to worry anyone; I have it in perspective as a symptom of 'peak anxiety,' rather than an actual plan to kill myself. It's not a pleasant thing though, and I don't want to keep it bottled up. It's all part of the ghost train: 'The ride never ends.' Best buckle up.
Beachead Posted January 19, 2018 Posted January 19, 2018 (edited) Know the feeling dude. My recurring nightmare is that my wife is lost, and I'm walking around through a horrible broken landscape, asking everyone where she is. Some people stare back at me in silent pity, and others just look away and ignore me, but nobody will help. Then I wake up, and the dream doesn't go away because it's reality. I actually came to thread to post my momentary private angst that she will marry this guy. I don't even like to write that, it's frightening. If she does, I don't/can't ever know. Experiencing a heavy degree of suicidal ideation at the moment too. Not to worry anyone; I have it in perspective as a symptom of 'peak anxiety,' rather than an actual plan to kill myself. It's not a pleasant thing though, and I don't want to keep it bottled up. It's all part of the ghost train: 'The ride never ends.' Best buckle up. It's terrible eh? That's why I tell myself and write on LS frequently that my ex will get engaged to this guy and marry him. The thought breaks me up inside to write and that's why I have to train myself to accept in my heart, what is the worst case scenerio for me. Nothing will ever fully prepare me for it. But I'd rather be atleast 50% emotionally ready for it than 0% (Because I was too because convincing myself they'd end and she'd come back). Like you say about the ghost train, it feels like I am waiting for hurricane on its way. All I can do is be as ready as possible, strap myself in, and ride the disaster out. Stay strong man Edited January 19, 2018 by Beachead 1
Jsos91 Posted January 19, 2018 Posted January 19, 2018 Feeling down, I don't think its because of her but I'm not totally sure. She popped up in my memories on facebook, I have her blocked but she commented on an article I had posted a year ago. I didn't look at her profile or anything but just her picture was enough. Its her and her new SO looking at each other amorously, she's wearing the scarf I bought her last Christmas... It hit me for a second but, for the first time I didn't feel the need to look away as quickly as possible... I was able to look at it and calm myself down and just kind of laugh because the picture looks like it was taken by a professional photographer or something. I just thought it was a bit tacky but, it reminded me that thats totally her. She plays everything up, romanticizes it and make everything look better than it is. My best friend still has her on social media and mentioned that she's looking for a place in the city but has been having trouble finding somewhere affordable. Its just funny to me because when we were still together she wanted to live in the city for the budget she has set now and I told her that for the amount she wanted to spend she was going to live somewhere tiny and probably bug infested.. I think thats maybe starting to sink in. I've been flip flopping on whether I want to unblock her on everything in the near future. It doesn't really bother me that she's with someone else at this point and I don't even know if that would mean she would try to add me on anything but I don't know... I'm starting to feel like I'm ready but... I am also aware that in theory it may seem fine but in practice it could set me back. No matter though, none of this has any bearing on my life whatsoever. Its just interesting to see where we both are now, 8 months post breakup. I hope she's happy and things are going her way but, I have no desire to speak to her at this point. I don't believe her to be a bad person but she still did something pretty ****ty to me and I wouldn't want someone like that in my life in any regard, even if I thought we could potentially be friends.
hurtsbadjusthurts Posted January 19, 2018 Posted January 19, 2018 Update from me Did it, went to see the Ex. Glad i did. I couldn't have left things without reaching out and not knowing. How did it go? She doesn't want to see me or work things out. But you can never really tell with her. She's living with her mum("Who really doesn't like me,So could be that") Again i really don't know with her. But hearing it from her first hand felt good. She said she done, so that's it. Up until now ive always had the idea we would get back together. So its a relief to know we wont be. I can heal and move on. I worry about her. The pattern with me and her Ex's seem to be the same. Not sure she will ever be "Truly" happy. Nor will she'll ever find what she's looking for. Moving on begins now :-) 1
igotoverit Posted January 19, 2018 Posted January 19, 2018 Update from me Did it, went to see the Ex. Glad i did. I couldn't have left things without reaching out and not knowing. How did it go? She doesn't want to see me or work things out. But you can never really tell with her. She's living with her mum("Who really doesn't like me,So could be that") Again i really don't know with her. But hearing it from her first hand felt good. She said she done, so that's it. Up until now ive always had the idea we would get back together. So its a relief to know we wont be. I can heal and move on. I worry about her. The pattern with me and her Ex's seem to be the same. Not sure she will ever be "Truly" happy. Nor will she'll ever find what she's looking for. Moving on begins now :-) It's funny but while we are sitting here and living off past memories, what ifs, and wanting that person to reach out, their silence is loud and clear. Some times we need that slap in the face to get it and move on. It is definilty a hard part about being a human, we love and lose and waste so much time moving on. I'm glad you got your answer but you still seem in denial. She said she's done. Chances are that she's done.
igotoverit Posted January 19, 2018 Posted January 19, 2018 Just laying under my covers in bed, grateful for tablets and other mobile devices, feeling very hurt at the length of this, at how it ended, how it should have ended, and what was said to me. I am thinking less about his relationship and more about the way I feel. Trying to enable myself to heal...
hurtsbadjusthurts Posted January 19, 2018 Posted January 19, 2018 It's funny but while we are sitting here and living off past memories, what ifs, and wanting that person to reach out, their silence is loud and clear. Some times we need that slap in the face to get it and move on. It is definilty a hard part about being a human, we love and lose and waste so much time moving on. I'm glad you got your answer but you still seem in denial. She said she's done. Chances are that she's done. It was more about me than anyone else. I couldn't moving on without knowing. I'll never look back and think "what if i just tried speaking to her" I now know. I did try and it didn't happen Am i in denial? No. We've broken up before and she has changed her mind. She has had relationships with others that she has then sorted out. Who knows. Does it matter now. No. This was our chance to sort it out. I reached out. I don't have a need to now. I also don't need to think about it anymore. If she ever reach out, what would i do. Tell her "Its too late our time was when i reached out to you" I really feel like this. That was it. She's been through some things in life. She has never once tried to solve theses issues. I don't believe she ever will. I tried. Helped quite a bit. She'll Always have a place in my heart. And if i could of change the outcome i would of. Our story is over now. Time to move on. 1
igotoverit Posted January 19, 2018 Posted January 19, 2018 It was more about me than anyone else. I couldn't moving on without knowing. I'll never look back and think "what if i just tried speaking to her" I now know. I did try and it didn't happen Am i in denial? No. We've broken up before and she has changed her mind. She has had relationships with others that she has then sorted out. Who knows. Does it matter now. No. This was our chance to sort it out. I reached out. I don't have a need to now. I also don't need to think about it anymore. If she ever reach out, what would i do. Tell her "Its too late our time was when i reached out to you" I really feel like this. That was it. She's been through some things in life. She has never once tried to solve theses issues. I don't believe she ever will. I tried. Helped quite a bit. She'll Always have a place in my heart. And if i could of change the outcome i would of. Our story is over now. Time to move on. I think you did the right thing. I am happy for you. it really seems that she doesn't deserve you and when your through with healing, you may find some one more whole who can provide for your emotional needs for a change.
hurtsbadjusthurts Posted January 19, 2018 Posted January 19, 2018 I think you did the right thing. I am happy for you. it really seems that she doesn't deserve you and when your through with healing, you may find some one more whole who can provide for your emotional needs for a change. Thank you for the kind words. I hope so. I suppose even though we didn't work out, the game really didn't change for me. I'm just looking for some to love and someone to love me. I thought that was us. But it wasn't. Hope everyone is okay today? I always thought we would get back together, my healing never really began. so my healing really begins now. Hope tomorrow is a better day for me and everyone! Love you all x
Beachead Posted January 19, 2018 Posted January 19, 2018 Update from me Did it, went to see the Ex. Glad i did. I couldn't have left things without reaching out and not knowing. How did it go? She doesn't want to see me or work things out. But you can never really tell with her. She's living with her mum("Who really doesn't like me,So could be that") Again i really don't know with her. But hearing it from her first hand felt good. She said she done, so that's it. Up until now ive always had the idea we would get back together. So its a relief to know we wont be. I can heal and move on. I worry about her. The pattern with me and her Ex's seem to be the same. Not sure she will ever be "Truly" happy. Nor will she'll ever find what she's looking for. Moving on begins now :-) Do you what you have to do to friend. As long as it helps you move forward in some way, that's all that matters. Sometimes I feel like letting go is just a step by step process of getting beat up again and again by our ex-love until letting go becomes easier than holding on.
clist8511 Posted January 19, 2018 Posted January 19, 2018 I used to find this website helpful, but I'm starting to notice that people are not being as helpful and empathetic as before. I think I may have to take a short break, as this is starting to affect my mood, and I don't really view this as a 'safe' space, right now. I hope all that I've connected with here are coping well and seeing improvements. 3
hurtsbadjusthurts Posted January 19, 2018 Posted January 19, 2018 I used to find this website helpful, but I'm starting to notice that people are not being as helpful and empathetic as before. I think I may have to take a short break, as this is starting to affect my mood, and I don't really view this as a 'safe' space, right now. I hope all that I've connected with here are coping well and seeing improvements. Seeing you and reading your posts has helped me immensely. It really has. Not much has helped. But the people on here and having a place to express has meant everything. Don't know where i'd be without it. Sending you lots of love clist! Hope you are okay? X
igotoverit Posted January 19, 2018 Posted January 19, 2018 Seeing you and reading your posts has helped me immensely. It really has. Not much has helped. But the people on here and having a place to express has meant everything. Don't know where i'd be without it. Sending you lots of love clist! Hope you are okay? X I see your point because I was there a few nights ago. The truth is, your pain is very much alive and the words you are reading are reminding you of your situation. I read things and they rubbed me the wrong way. "I am sure he's with someone else" "longer then 4 months, he's not coming back" "compatibility" "jealous of relationships, relationships aren't perfect" I mean.. I was constantly reading and it was reminding me of this person and who he was with. I totally get the need to be away from that for the time being. I just want you to know that you come back anytime but if you need a time out to clear yourself from the constant reminder then do what you have to do... 1
Beachead Posted January 20, 2018 Posted January 20, 2018 I see your point because I was there a few nights ago. The truth is, your pain is very much alive and the words you are reading are reminding you of your situation. I read things and they rubbed me the wrong way. "I am sure he's with someone else" "longer then 4 months, he's not coming back" "compatibility" "jealous of relationships, relationships aren't perfect" I mean.. I was constantly reading and it was reminding me of this person and who he was with. I totally get the need to be away from that for the time being. I just want you to know that you come back anytime but if you need a time out to clear yourself from the constant reminder then do what you have to do... Well said. Today's been a rough one for me. That dream I had last night woke my own pain up again and I found it real difficult to quiet it down all day. And it may not be just a bad day..may actually be a bad week or possibly the beginning of what I assume is that second wave of sadness hitting me. I certainly hope not though but if it is..so be it. 1
igotoverit Posted January 20, 2018 Posted January 20, 2018 Well said. Today's been a rough one for me. That dream I had last night woke my own pain up again and I found it real difficult to quiet it down all day. And it may not be just a bad day..may actually be a bad week or possibly the beginning of what I assume is that second wave of sadness hitting me. I certainly hope not though but if it is..so be it. I've had lots of those. I was offline or I would have responded sooner. It's awful but what else can you do? You have to keep moving.
Beachead Posted January 20, 2018 Posted January 20, 2018 I've had lots of those. I was offline or I would have responded sooner. It's awful but what else can you do? You have to keep moving. Oh no it's okay. I don't really expect anyone to reply in real time. I just lay out my thoughts here and whoever wants to vibe with can do so. But yea, nothing can be done. All I want is to be okay again. That's all I care about now. 2
igotoverit Posted January 20, 2018 Posted January 20, 2018 Oh no it's okay. I don't really expect anyone to reply in real time. I just lay out my thoughts here and whoever wants to vibe with can do so. But yea, nothing can be done. All I want is to be okay again. That's all I care about now. Believe it or not, today is day 1 of no contact. I haven't seen any thing and I haven't checked any social media, linked in, and i deleted my email. It's only day 1 of healing and the silence is so loud. I mean, it sucks but my only words for today is that it has to be done. We can not be here dwelling on someone who is out, enjoying Friday night and not even thinking of us. This guy doesn't miss me. He is not emotionally invested in me. If i leave, makes no difference to them, so I blocked them and it's super hard today. I feel so unloved and unloveable.
Beachead Posted January 20, 2018 Posted January 20, 2018 Believe it or not, today is day 1 of no contact. I haven't seen any thing and I haven't checked any social media, linked in, and i deleted my email. It's only day 1 of healing and the silence is so loud. I mean, it sucks but my only words for today is that it has to be done. We can not be here dwelling on someone who is out, enjoying Friday night and not even thinking of us. This guy doesn't miss me. He is not emotionally invested in me. If i leave, makes no difference to them, so I blocked them and it's super hard today. I feel so unloved and unloveable. Yep. But nonetheless that's good work. For your particular case, I want to say whatever you do, do your best not to respond to him. Vent in a journal. Vent here. But not to him. Nothing will send you backwards more than that. Because No Contact will be hard work everyday. In the beginning, you will literally be aware of that clock ticking through every second as you try to just make it to the next minute. But over time, you'll start handling things half an hour by half an hour. Then 1 hour by 1 hour. Then 3-4 hours at time. Then a whole day Etc. It'll be slow but you will improve. And as you mentioned earlier about healing being non-linear..you'll have days that horrible and days that are great. There's going to be all kinds of triggers and you'll have to face those as well until those triggers are meaningless. I'm over 5 months in my breakup and over 3 months NC and even I'm going through a rough patch again. But I do feel improvement. I feel clearer, stronger. I don't feel paralyzed or in chronic pain and the emotions are quieter. Nonetheless, those results took time and hard work and investment. And because it's such hard work, nothing will suck more than breaking that NC and letting that undeserving person take all your results away when they get to hear from you again and get to break you again. So don't give him ammunition to work with. People like that are fueled by our attention/reaction. When you give nothing, they starve to death and become completely powerless. 1
anonymousbear00101100 Posted January 20, 2018 Posted January 20, 2018 My friends don't want to go out because they all have girlfriends. I have no single friends and I'm alone on a Friday night. I miss her so much and I would do anything to have her here now. Is this how it's going to be from now on? Me just alone all day everyday? I'm just so tired of being sad and hurt.
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