How are you coping today?

[clist8511]

I agree. Friends with exes is tricky. I think for some people it works, but for me, I have been friends with exes in the past and we would occasionally grab lunch but after some time, it just melted away and we were never really friends. I think I am using my ex as an emotional crutch right now. We still chat and for now, it's filling the void (oddly). The problem is he is my best friend and it's hard to let that go. But are we actually friends? I doubt it. Maybe he's using me as an emotional crutch too. If she is unpredictable and doesn't want contact, it won't go anywhere anyway and will probably make you feel worse in the end as you have already figured out.

 

Ugh, breakups are the worst.

 

Right. There's a song by Drake, I can't remember which but the lyric is "All of my let's just be friends are friends I don't have anymore", or something like that. Not his biggest fan but how accurate is that.

 

So you and your ex are kind of helping each other through it.. I mean, no judgement, we all do what we feel is helping us at the time, don't we. Going from being in a relationship straight to nothing is scary so I don't blame you for doing that, really.

 

Yes. She is. I can't really take any risks. I have to protect my feelings. Can't get into any more painful situations with her. At the end of the day if she wanted me, she'd make it known. And she hasn't. So that's that.

[maybejune]

I had a really busy day, which didn't prevent me logging on here, but I do think it helps to not think too much. I still have headache. I changed my window curtain, hope tonight I can sleep better.

 

I learned a lot here today, and I feel so thankful for everyone here to reply to me. I lost a lot of self confidence and trust in people in general. I said I won't check dating app for a week , but I did today, nothing interesting still. A guy followed up, but he lives far away, I don't know what I want, I don't know if I feel okay to meet a new guy...

[fieldoflavender]

I feel there is not much more time left. =( I don't want to be alone, but I don't want to go through another failed relationship. And maybe I will be utterly alone forever. But is it really that much worse than being unhappy in a marriage? I don't know. In some ways, I want to be comfortable by myself.

[fieldoflavender]

I often ask me how I ended up where I am. It's still far better than being with a horrible ex, but at the end of the day I'm not happy being alone either. The uncertainty sucks - sure I should be happy by myself, but I still want the things like a family etc. But I don't want to settle. I don't know what to do.

[TurntSloth1]

I mean, let’s go through it realistically; if I contacted her and we agreed to be friends what would be the outcome? Bear in mind I know her well. And all I have is her Instagram.

 

- We’d agree to be friends, to see how it goes

- There would be no physical meeting up (I know she would want to keep a distance, as last time we met to try and be ‘friends’ it ended horribly and did not work; it’s unlikely she’d want to meet up)

- I’d have to pretend to be over it, the act of which would not last very long and probably lead to some wild declaration of love based on her putting a ‘x’ at the end of a message

- I’d want to talk all the time, she wouldn’t (she’d want to stick to ‘appropriate boundaries’ – she’s said and done this before, and it hurt like hell)

- I’d analyse every piece of contact, time every response, wonder if she didn’t reply because she’s with someone, if she says she’s going out, my mind would go into overdrive

- When she did meet someone I would crumble into a pile of ash on the floor and of course she wouldn’t stop seeing said person because it hurts ME, would she?

- She may come over and sleep with me again, then go home and tell me not to contact her (done this before) – and because I’ve got feelings I’d see sex as a display of love, when it isn’t, I’d get hurt, etc

- We’d see that the friendship wasn’t working, so agree to go NC again and guess what? Back to square one!

 

So….. there’s my answer, I guess. Strange that, even after knowing all of this I don't feel any different. lol.

 

This is pretty much exactly where I am right now and it hurts like hell. I've never felt this strongly about anyone before in my life and I feel like I'm at war with myself because I know that contacting her would do me absolutely no good at this point, but damn... part of me would kill to spend another night across the dinner table from her, or to go for another walk by the river like we used to.

 

It's never going to be enough though is it, so what's the point?

 

Not coping well today... I haven't been on this site for a long time yet here I am in the office posting

[gonebibi]

Its coming up to 7 weeks since my girlfriend of 8 years left me for a lesbian. She has always denied being bi sexual, but admitted she always had feelings for women all her life after she had left.

 

She lied to me for several months denying anything was going off, and continued to lie even after she had left for a few days.

 

She gave up me, our home, all our possessions our pets literally walked away with the nothing to be with this lesbian who is younger and also has nothing, still lives with her parents and has moved in with this young girl and her parents.

 

The pain has eased, but i still keep thinking she will come back, i still miss her terribly and i am still so confused how she could treat me so badly after telling people she was in love and wanted marriage and children.

 

I feel she is infatuated with this girl, and cant think straight, how could she give everything up if she was thinking straight?

 

I wonder once this infatuation has worn off if she will realize what she has done, what she has given up

 

I dont know if i even still want her back, i just feel like i want to be given the option so i can decide. I just want to be told she has made a mistake...

Edited January 17, 2018 by gonebibi

[hurtsbadjusthurts]

Its absolutly necessary that you know. And i mean know deep down. This has zero to do with you as a person. Keep reminding yourself that.

 

This is all about her, her faults and she has to take all of the blame for the mess of this situation. Its her doing.

 

Wish i could say more to take the pain for you.

 

In time you'll realise that you just got rid of a large "pain", so its all good

 

I always think the dumpers win in the beginning. They prepared for it, They have a choice.

 

Us dumpee don't. We get sent to a dark place. But you never grow or get stronger when things are easy. With each day we get a little bit stronger, Before you know it you look back and think "Man.. how strong am i" You'll feel like a winner. dumpees always win, in time!

 

 

Chin up, chest out. Not a single step back!

[Gr8fuln2020]

I feel she is infatuated with this girl, and cant think straight, how could she give everything up if she was thinking straight?

 

I wonder once this infatuation has worn off if she will realize what she has done, what she has given up

 

I dont know if i even still want her back, i just feel like i want to be given the option so i can decide. I just want to be told she has made a mistake...

 

Sounds like in impulsive move on her part. It could very well be that she will regret her decision, but only remaining in NC is best in this situation.

 

Oh, you want her back alright. Don't deny your feelings, but be composed and work towards moving forward.

[gonebibi]

Sounds like in impulsive move on her part. It could very well be that she will regret her decision, but only remaining in NC is best in this situation.

 

Oh, you want her back alright. Don't deny your feelings, but be composed and work towards moving forward.

 

 

Yes i think you are right, i do want her back, i just dont know if i will ever be able to forgive what she has done. She told every one she left me for other reasons and put the blame onto me, while she left me all along to be with this other girl, she would rather people thought bad of me then herself.

 

Two days after she left "she loves her" never been so happy etc it hurts so much to hear that she is apparently more happy now after giving everything up than she was in 8 years with me everything has moved so fast, which is why it looks like infatuation rather than true love.

 

Everyone is so surprised by it all, she has ALWAYS held me in very high regard and was always talking about me with her work colleagues and family.

 

She did love me, i know she did, i was her world she would literally do anything for me, unfortunately she has been overwhelmed by the attention from this other girl, which i admit i failed to give her.

[gonebibi]

Its absolutly necessary that you know. And i mean know deep down. This has zero to do with you as a person. Keep reminding yourself that.

 

This is all about her, her faults and she has to take all of the blame for the mess of this situation. Its her doing.

 

Wish i could say more to take the pain for you.

 

In time you'll realise that you just got rid of a large "pain", so its all good

 

I always think the dumpers win in the beginning. They prepared for it, They have a choice.

 

Us dumpee don't. We get sent to a dark place. But you never grow or get stronger when things are easy. With each day we get a little bit stronger, Before you know it you look back and think "Man.. how strong am i" You'll feel like a winner. dumpees always win, in time!

 

 

Chin up, chest out. Not a single step back!

 

All you can do is blame yourself. But deep down i know i was not to blame, i had my faults and i should of shown her more attention and love. But i could of changed that if i knew it would mean she would of left me like this.

 

Their was no large pain in our relationship, this is our FIRST break up in 8 years, and never had as much as a argument that was not resolved within a few hours.

 

Yes each day eases the pain, But i still think of her 24/7 she is on my mind constantly. Its not about winning, i just the life i had previous with her back.

[igotoverit]

All you can do is blame yourself. But deep down i know i was not to blame, i had my faults and i should of shown her more attention and love. But i could of changed that if i knew it would mean she would of left me like this.

 

Their was no large pain in our relationship, this is our FIRST break up in 8 years, and never had as much as a argument that was not resolved within a few hours.

 

Yes each day eases the pain, But i still think of her 24/7 she is on my mind constantly. Its not about winning, i just the life i had previous with her back.

 

I was in a relationship and the guy wasn't happy. Rather then speak to me honestly he dumped me and then ghosted me. I blamed myself for many years until I realized how immature and self centred he was.

[inmyownworld]

Its absolutly necessary that you know. And i mean know deep down. This has zero to do with you as a person. Keep reminding yourself that.

 

This is all about her, her faults and she has to take all of the blame for the mess of this situation. Its her doing.

 

Wish i could say more to take the pain for you.

 

In time you'll realise that you just got rid of a large "pain", so its all good

 

I always think the dumpers win in the beginning. They prepared for it, They have a choice.

 

Us dumpee don't. We get sent to a dark place. But you never grow or get stronger when things are easy. With each day we get a little bit stronger, Before you know it you look back and think "Man.. how strong am i" You'll feel like a winner. dumpees always win, in time!

 

 

Chin up, chest out. Not a single step back!

 

Each situation is different, but I was the dumper and I don't feel like I won at all. I lost the love of my love. It sounds strange that he was the love of my life even though there was abuse in my relationship. But he had issues he couldn't control. In a large part, I feel like it wasn't his fault. People have issues they can't always control. I really felt like I had no choice, because I had to protect myself. I think he and I are both hurting equally. I didn't want to make the choice I did. I don't think anyone wins unfortunately.

[flooded]

I feel so much better today. In my dreams I dreamt that I told our mututal friend: I thought I'd be happier with him, but I'm actually happier without him. As well as a dream last night and the night before that suggested my path is to spiritually evolve - my evolution will aid him from afar.

 

I NEEDED to see what I saw yesterday. I needed to know the truth. It was no accident that I rolled up at that moment. I was finally able to feel the anger at being mindf***ed, and was able to freely express it. I was in such intense pain yesterday but today I feel victorious. I am choosing to see the necessity of the lesson.

 

I'm back to square one in figuring out why I fell so hard for an emotionally unavailable alcoholic. A man who didn't even have a discussion - one conversation - with me about the pregnancy and miscarriage. Who led me on. Who laid it on so thick. Why I felt so validated by him, and wat I feel I'm missing from him now. How to be content and secure in my own skin, how to own being a single mom and rock it, how to stick to my guns and achieve my goals and attain greater heights for myself.

[maybejune]

I often ask me how I ended up where I am. It's still far better than being with a horrible ex, but at the end of the day I'm not happy being alone either. The uncertainty sucks - sure I should be happy by myself, but I still want the things like a family etc. But I don't want to settle. I don't know what to do.

 

I feel the same. I want to settle down and start a family of my own, but I can't settle down with my ex in the way he treated me and our relationship. I am very lonely and don't see the light in the end of tunnel, I don't know what to do with it, I have a new friend and she has been very supportive and help me going through these time.

[igotoverit]

I feel the same. I want to settle down and start a family of my own, but I can't settle down with my ex in the way he treated me and our relationship. I am very lonely and don't see the light in the end of tunnel, I don't know what to do with it, I have a new friend and she has been very supportive and help me going through these time.

 

I just came home from coffee this morning, alone, but still got out. I am not relationship ready so I am seeking platonic friends which aren't always easy but it's less damaging then trying to find love. I think I'll carry this cloud with me for a few months and all the rejection that came with it. I am also wise enough to recognize how wrong he was to do what he did. Who would want to mess with someone's life especially while moving on in theirs. It just baffles me but I feel stronger and I know I can do this. I wish I had a close friend in my city but I dont. I am also going to be moving to a new city in the summer so have started to network in that area. I'll also make frequent trips as I explore the area and create a new and happier life. I know he thinks so little of me so I don't want to share this journey with him, I just feel so much better when I have some sort of connections to other people. Especially ones going thru the same thing.

[Beachead]

I just came home from coffee this morning, alone, but still got out. I am not relationship ready so I am seeking platonic friends which aren't always easy but it's less damaging then trying to find love. I think I'll carry this cloud with me for a few months and all the rejection that came with it. I am also wise enough to recognize how wrong he was to do what he did. Who would want to mess with someone's life especially while moving on in theirs. It just baffles me but I feel stronger and I know I can do this. I wish I had a close friend in my city but I dont. I am also going to be moving to a new city in the summer so have started to network in that area. I'll also make frequent trips as I explore the area and create a new and happier life. I know he thinks so little of me so I don't want to share this journey with him, I just feel so much better when I have some sort of connections to other people. Especially ones going thru the same thing.

 

Yea just focus on yourself and don't get too involved with anyone. You need time to process all your emotions. If you date, you'll end up putting that person through your rollercoaster and will wind up feeling terrible about yourself. I beieve in the next 6 months, you'll discover a lot about yourself but you need that alone time. The kind of time that will let all the noise in your head slowly fade until you hear your own voice again.

[Beachead]

I often ask me how I ended up where I am. It's still far better than being with a horrible ex, but at the end of the day I'm not happy being alone either. The uncertainty sucks - sure I should be happy by myself, but I still want the things like a family etc. But I don't want to settle. I don't know what to do.

 

If you ever find out the answer..you let me know.

[igotoverit]

If you ever find out the answer..you let me know.

 

 

 

Everyone should listen to this song by Rihanna. I have it on replay and it doesn't have to pertain to one specific person. We are all, at some point in our lives, looking for that love. I am not at the moment but I am still loving this song enough to hit replay..

 

 

 

 

[maybejune]

I just came home from coffee this morning, alone, but still got out. I am not relationship ready so I am seeking platonic friends which aren't always easy but it's less damaging then trying to find love. I think I'll carry this cloud with me for a few months and all the rejection that came with it. I am also wise enough to recognize how wrong he was to do what he did. Who would want to mess with someone's life especially while moving on in theirs. It just baffles me but I feel stronger and I know I can do this. I wish I had a close friend in my city but I dont. I am also going to be moving to a new city in the summer so have started to network in that area. I'll also make frequent trips as I explore the area and create a new and happier life. I know he thinks so little of me so I don't want to share this journey with him, I just feel so much better when I have some sort of connections to other people. Especially ones going thru the same thing.

 

I don't have close friend here too, and you know I have some friends who had hurt me intentionally or unintentionally, I was lucky to connect to this new friend, I can't tell you how much she has helped me.

 

I will go through a change of life this summer as well, so I will start over with networking and making new friends -- it's never been easy, tbh, I am scared but I don't have other choice.

 

I don't want (try not to torture myself) to think much about how he thinks of my life. Because I have challenges in my life, it is a burden to him if he never had the confidence to stay with me, he would cheer up now he is not with me any longer.

 

I start to listen to meditation recordings. I think those will help me to relax and focus on myself.

[igotoverit]

I don't have close friend here too, and you know I have some friends who had hurt me intentionally or unintentionally, I was lucky to connect to this new friend, I can't tell you how much she has helped me.

 

I will go through a change of life this summer as well, so I will start over with networking and making new friends -- it's never been easy, tbh, I am scared but I don't have other choice.

 

I don't want (try not to torture myself) to think much about how he thinks of my life. Because I have challenges in my life, it is a burden to him if he never had the confidence to stay with me, he would cheer up now he is not with me any longer.

 

I start to listen to meditation recordings. I think those will help me to relax and focus on myself.

 

 

 

If she makes you feel better then yes, as long is it isn't one of those cases where they believe they are making a difference but are in fact making things much worse for you. There are a lot of people who miss the exit signs.

[divegrl]

The way to survive grief is by allowing the pain to exist; not in trying to cover it up or rush through it.

 

Today I am sad.

 

And that is ok.

[maybejune]

If she makes you feel better then yes, as long is it isn't one of those cases where they believe they are making a difference but are in fact making things much worse for you. There are a lot of people who miss the exit signs.

 

On one hand, I said I don't want to think about how he thinks about me or not at all; on the other hand, I always remember things he said to me, good and bad, very little things can remind me of him, memory flashback is continuing throughout of the day. I miss having a partner to share my life to talk about my day, I guess.

[igotoverit]

On one hand, I said I don't want to think about how he thinks about me or not at all; on the other hand, I always remember things he said to me, good and bad, very little things can remind me of him, memory flashback is continuing throughout of the day. I miss having a partner to share my life to talk about my day, I guess.

 

 

 

I see this site as an emotional crutch to be honest. You can use this forum to talk about your day.

[igotoverit]

I want to speak of my experience of this women who has this public website and that's where I learned of this website so I wonder if others experienced her too but I am afraid to because I don't want to get deleted. All I can say is a lot of people hurt me and I feel very angry .. I am hoping that the anger stage will pass as I have confronted them and she is aware of how wrong she is. I wish she could see how pathetic she was and how pathetic her life really is but I think that's the anger in me. I hear when you pass that, you no longer care.

[Beachead]

The way to survive grief is by allowing the pain to exist; not in trying to cover it up or rush through it.

 

Today I am sad.

 

And that is ok.

 

Absolutely.

 

I had a dream about my ex last night and woke up in agony. There was this momentary feeling of "I don't think I can get through this" which is the first time I've felt that since back in early November. Luckily, I was able to fall back asleep. I feel okay now. Thankfully.