How are you coping today?

January 16, 2018

One can only hope

January 16, 2018

Any kind of pain, sadness, suffering, etc, will not last forever. whether something positive changes it, or we pass, nothing lasts forever. The second part may sound harsh, but its the truth.

I don't preach religion, force it on anyone. I don't care. But for me, when I am down, I pray. I meditate and pray. It will be fine. It will be ok. One day, you may.

January 16, 2018

Pretty much excruciating today. God I miss that woman. I'm at stage where I understand that I could never take her back, but life and the future just seems so pointless and empty.

I'm tired of coming in to an empty home, and tired of missing her.

January 16, 2018

Update from me

I decided last night i wouldn't text the woman i met back. It wouldn't have been fair to mess someone about. It felt like cheating just talking to her, which means things aren't right for me. I also realised I'm just not ready to let some else in(Have to admit that to myself). Especially when i still plan on seeing my Ex at some point.

Anyway she text me :-( Put plans to that! Lol She so sweet. And was really nice to me and about things(I kind of found her being nice off putting, Not sure why?) I was honest with her(Again) About where i was and how i was feeling. She just said that if i changed my mind to message her.

Apart from that not sure how i feel today. Some moment im "okay" Others "crushed". Trying my best to be strong and confident. Hope everyone is good?

January 16, 2018

Update from me

I decided last night i wouldn't text the woman i met back. It wouldn't have been fair to mess someone about. It felt like cheating just talking to her, which means things aren't right for me. I also realised I'm just not ready to let some else in(Have to admit that to myself). Especially when i still plan on seeing my Ex at some point.

Anyway she text me :-( Put plans to that! Lol She so sweet. And was really nice to me and about things(I kind of found her being nice off putting, Not sure why?) I was honest with her(Again) About where i was and how i was feeling. She just said that if i changed my mind to message her.

Apart from that not sure how i feel today. Some moment im "okay" Others "crushed". Trying my best to be strong and confident. Hope everyone is good?

Are you thinking she wants to reconcile?

January 16, 2018

I'm doing okish I guess today, Been responding to emails from the ex. More confused than ever, but seeing my therapist today, so hopefully she can shed some light for me on what to do.

The x has agreed to being friends, but wanted to hang out (as friends). Told him I would like to be friends, but just not ready to hang out in person. All I can handle right now is talking or texting. I know he wants to get back together, so I'm guessing he thinks if we can be friends, we can get back together. I don't know.

January 16, 2018

Are you thinking she wants to reconcile?

Honestly don't know, can't say 100% She does or doesn't. Need to go see her to find out.

Edited January 16, 2018 by hurtsbadjusthurts

January 16, 2018

I know he's not a therapist as I am awaiting my appointment in March but I had a really good talk with my pharmacist this morning. He said the reason why I am not moving past this, is because he is happier then I am. He has friends, and a job, and a girlfriend, and drives a nice car, he's good looking and lots of successful and attractive women pine for him while I don't have any of that. He said the only way for me to get over him, is not to find someone else, but be better in every way.

The way he said every way was so amazing to hear. He said my name and he said be better then him in every way and I thought well I should try. So I'm going to the gym and for a tan after I clean my house and reorganize myself. I have no clients until Friday because I haven't put the time and effort into it. I'll start to look for more work next week and will be focusing on some serious self care this week.

January 16, 2018

Any kind of pain, sadness, suffering, etc, will not last forever. whether something positive changes it, or we pass, nothing lasts forever. The second part may sound harsh, but its the truth.

I don't preach religion, force it on anyone. I don't care. But for me, when I am down, I pray. I meditate and pray. It will be fine. It will be ok. One day, you may.

I was a little curious so I read some of your posts and you have a lot of likes. I think all of your posts are liked. You sound like a cool person and even online have attracted that so I am sure in person, it's the same. Although I agree with you, that relationships aren't worth the pain, I don't want one anytime soon, I think you need to give yourself some credit for being a cool dude.

January 16, 2018

I saw my therapist today. She gave me some homework on how to figure out what to do. I think it will help. She said it would be a very long road if I decided to reconcile with my ex. His issues don't disappear overnight, it would take years. I feel the same, still lost. I haven't replied yet to my ex's last email. I suppose I will tonight.

January 16, 2018

I saw my therapist today. She gave me some homework on how to figure out what to do. I think it will help. She said it would be a very long road if I decided to reconcile with my ex. His issues don't disappear overnight, it would take years. I feel the same, still lost. I haven't replied yet to my ex's last email. I suppose I will tonight.

That's odd that a therapist would comment on somebody else's issues. Has she met him before?

January 16, 2018

Wow, it's like the break up just happened all over again. Feel like ****

January 16, 2018

Didn't really think about her much today, then as it got later I started feeling terrible. Feels like my mind is tricking me - "you feel fine! you can be friends, now!" except that I know this is false and that it's not friends I want to be.

It hasn't helped that she said "who knows what the future holds" in terms of us reconnecting/being friends - all I keep imaging is future scenarios in which I reach out, possibly ask her to try again, etc etc.

I feel like I'm never going to get over this. I try to talk to my friend but she just says "you'll be fine" which is just not helpful. Means well, but doesn't help.

January 16, 2018

Didn't really think about her much today, then as it got later I started feeling terrible. Feels like my mind is tricking me - "you feel fine! you can be friends, now!" except that I know this is false and that it's not friends I want to be.

It hasn't helped that she said "who knows what the future holds" in terms of us reconnecting/being friends - all I keep imaging is future scenarios in which I reach out, possibly ask her to try again, etc etc.

I feel like I'm never going to get over this. I try to talk to my friend but she just says "you'll be fine" which is just not helpful. Means well, but doesn't help.

I don't know how much help I am but I was thinking about you when you didn't post and wondered how you are doing. I am glad you came back.

January 16, 2018

That's odd that a therapist would comment on somebody else's issues. Has she met him before?

Is it odd? I don't really know. She hasn't met him. I guess though I put the question to her in a general way, not really about him specifically. I asked if it would take a long time for someone at his age to change.

January 16, 2018

Still checking my emails.. she's probably not even thinking about me, and here I am checking emails for something that's never going to arrive.

Feel like I should just message her and tell her how I feel, but I did that before and she just says things like "I'm sorry, I can't help you" or "I just don't feel that way anymore, I'm sorry" or other things that hurt. Or she'll get nasty and say things like "stop stalking me" or "leave me alone".

Or she'll change her Instagram. Get angry with me. Etc. The problem is that she is so unpredictable I couldn't tell you how she'd react; she'd either be really nice and understanding or just plain blunt and rude. That was one of the problems I had with her while we were together. I could never work out her moods.

And to make things worse, I still feel like I'm in a relationship with her. I know we are not together, I know we don't speak. But I still feel 'tied' to her. I don't know if that's normal or what. I wish it would go away. I'm sick of feeling sad all the time.

January 16, 2018

I don't know how much help I am but I was thinking about you when you didn't post and wondered how you are doing. I am glad you came back.

It sounds quite weird but it feels like we've got a little club going on - there are a few names I see regularly and yours is one of them. It kind of makes things feel safe. I'm not sure if that makes sense. I'm glad you're still here (but obviously not glad we still need this place!)

January 16, 2018

Is it odd? I don't really know. She hasn't met him. I guess though I put the question to her in a general way, not really about him specifically. I asked if it would take a long time for someone at his age to change.

That's good!! That's a good therapist for you. Most therapists in my experience wouldn't comment and would turn the conversation to you. Sounds like she is giving you validation and helping you. I have a psychologist appointment in March and I am hoping it works out.

January 16, 2018

I almost did a duplicate post.

January 17, 2018

Still checking my emails.. she's probably not even thinking about me, and here I am checking emails for something that's never going to arrive.

Feel like I should just message her and tell her how I feel, but I did that before and she just says things like "I'm sorry, I can't help you" or "I just don't feel that way anymore, I'm sorry" or other things that hurt. Or she'll get nasty and say things like "stop stalking me" or "leave me alone".

Or she'll change her Instagram. Get angry with me. Etc. The problem is that she is so unpredictable I couldn't tell you how she'd react; she'd either be really nice and understanding or just plain blunt and rude. That was one of the problems I had with her while we were together. I could never work out her moods.

And to make things worse, I still feel like I'm in a relationship with her. I know we are not together, I know we don't speak. But I still feel 'tied' to her. I don't know if that's normal or what. I wish it would go away. I'm sick of feeling sad all the time.

I feel the same. I still feel tied to him even though we are broken up. I don't know when that feeling goes away. It's probably different for everyone. It's part of why I feel like I'm in limbo.

January 17, 2018

I mean, let’s go through it realistically; if I contacted her and we agreed to be friends what would be the outcome? Bear in mind I know her well. And all I have is her Instagram.

- We’d agree to be friends, to see how it goes

- There would be no physical meeting up (I know she would want to keep a distance, as last time we met to try and be ‘friends’ it ended horribly and did not work; it’s unlikely she’d want to meet up)

- I’d have to pretend to be over it, the act of which would not last very long and probably lead to some wild declaration of love based on her putting a ‘x’ at the end of a message

- I’d want to talk all the time, she wouldn’t (she’d want to stick to ‘appropriate boundaries’ – she’s said and done this before, and it hurt like hell)

- I’d analyse every piece of contact, time every response, wonder if she didn’t reply because she’s with someone, if she says she’s going out, my mind would go into overdrive

- When she did meet someone I would crumble into a pile of ash on the floor and of course she wouldn’t stop seeing said person because it hurts ME, would she?

- She may come over and sleep with me again, then go home and tell me not to contact her (done this before) – and because I’ve got feelings I’d see sex as a display of love, when it isn’t, I’d get hurt, etc

- We’d see that the friendship wasn’t working, so agree to go NC again and guess what? Back to square one!

So….. there’s my answer, I guess. Strange that, even after knowing all of this I don't feel any different. lol.

January 17, 2018

I mean, let’s go through it realistically; if I contacted her and we agreed to be friends what would be the outcome? Bear in mind I know her well. And all I have is her Instagram.

- We’d agree to be friends, to see how it goes
- There would be no physical meeting up (I know she would want to keep a distance, as last time we met to try and be ‘friends’ it ended horribly and did not work; it’s unlikely she’d want to meet up)
- I’d have to pretend to be over it, the act of which would not last very long and probably lead to some wild declaration of love based on her putting a ‘x’ at the end of a message
- I’d want to talk all the time, she wouldn’t (she’d want to stick to ‘appropriate boundaries’ – she’s said and done this before, and it hurt like hell)
- I’d analyse every piece of contact, time every response, wonder if she didn’t reply because she’s with someone, if she says she’s going out, my mind would go into overdrive
- When she did meet someone I would crumble into a pile of ash on the floor and of course she wouldn’t stop seeing said person because it hurts ME, would she?
- She may come over and sleep with me again, then go home and tell me not to contact her (done this before) – and because I’ve got feelings I’d see sex as a display of love, when it isn’t, I’d get hurt, etc
- We’d see that the friendship wasn’t working, so agree to go NC again and guess what? Back to square one!

So….. there’s my answer, I guess. Strange that, even after knowing all of this I don't feel any different. lol.

You could also look at this as an opportunity for a strong relationship with yourself. I think it was you that said when you went for a walk that the world was still moving. It's still going to be moving when you're ready and after you built some inner peace with yourself. I'm not saying the transformation is going to happen over night, but you could make some personal goals and work towards them. You could do some self development and self improvement to fill the hole and use this forum as an emotional crutch til you gain some strength.

January 17, 2018

You could also look at this as an opportunity for a strong relationship with yourself. I think it was you that said when you went for a walk that the world was still moving. It's still going to be moving when you're ready and after you built some inner peace with yourself. I'm not saying the transformation is going to happen over night, but you could make some personal goals and work towards them. You could do some self development and self improvement to fill the hole and use this forum as an emotional crutch til you gain some strength.

What a thoughtful and insightful reply, thank you. Yes, I was amazed that the traffic was still flowing, people moving about - it felt a world away from what I do when I'm indoors.

I've signed up to a 5k run that happens in April - I paid for it so I have no choice but to focus on training. That's the personal goal for now... don't want to take on too much. But go for my first training session tomorrow which is making me nervous and excited. Also booked driving lessons for next week... so I'm getting there

January 17, 2018

What a thoughtful and insightful reply, thank you. Yes, I was amazed that the traffic was still flowing, people moving about - it felt a world away from what I do when I'm indoors.

I've signed up to a 5k run that happens in April - I paid for it so I have no choice but to focus on training. That's the personal goal for now... don't want to take on too much. But go for my first training session tomorrow which is making me nervous and excited. Also booked driving lessons for next week... so I'm getting there

That's how you do it.

January 17, 2018

I mean, let’s go through it realistically; if I contacted her and we agreed to be friends what would be the outcome? Bear in mind I know her well. And all I have is her Instagram.

- We’d agree to be friends, to see how it goes
- There would be no physical meeting up (I know she would want to keep a distance, as last time we met to try and be ‘friends’ it ended horribly and did not work; it’s unlikely she’d want to meet up)
- I’d have to pretend to be over it, the act of which would not last very long and probably lead to some wild declaration of love based on her putting a ‘x’ at the end of a message
- I’d want to talk all the time, she wouldn’t (she’d want to stick to ‘appropriate boundaries’ – she’s said and done this before, and it hurt like hell)
- I’d analyse every piece of contact, time every response, wonder if she didn’t reply because she’s with someone, if she says she’s going out, my mind would go into overdrive
- When she did meet someone I would crumble into a pile of ash on the floor and of course she wouldn’t stop seeing said person because it hurts ME, would she?
- She may come over and sleep with me again, then go home and tell me not to contact her (done this before) – and because I’ve got feelings I’d see sex as a display of love, when it isn’t, I’d get hurt, etc
- We’d see that the friendship wasn’t working, so agree to go NC again and guess what? Back to square one!

So….. there’s my answer, I guess. Strange that, even after knowing all of this I don't feel any different. lol.

I agree. Friends with exes is tricky. I think for some people it works, but for me, I have been friends with exes in the past and we would occasionally grab lunch but after some time, it just melted away and we were never really friends. I think I am using my ex as an emotional crutch right now. We still chat and for now, it's filling the void (oddly). The problem is he is my best friend and it's hard to let that go. But are we actually friends? I doubt it. Maybe he's using me as an emotional crutch too. If she is unpredictable and doesn't want contact, it won't go anywhere anyway and will probably make you feel worse in the end as you have already figured out.

Ugh, breakups are the worst.

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