AnyaNova Posted January 30, 2014 Posted January 30, 2014 Had my shots. Have them lined up at an actual medical clinic here in town, where they actually give real medicine in the proper and undiluted doses. I feel fantastic again. I feel like myself again. If I can get this regulated, I will be able to get so much done. My Goals for this weekend and beyond 1)1. Housecleaning from the detritus built up from this last set of vitamin crashes (and this time, since I am set up with proper medicine from medical people, I shouldn't have them or if I do, they should be milder and farther in between). 2. Homework , homework, and more homework. I want to get so far ahead of the game that even if the worst happens and I crash again, that I can have extra padding. 3. Get back to the gym between personal training sessions I have wanted to do this, but have been afraid to given the difficulty I was having with the deficiency issues. I want to be going to the gym 6 times a week. 4. Get out and flirt a bit. It will be good for me 4
Xemyd Posted January 31, 2014 Posted January 31, 2014 So, I have a date tonight. Now that it's getting closer, I don't want to go. It's making me miss my ex too much. It's obvious I'm not ready for any type of relationship. I've been doing horrible lately, I just want him back, but realistically I know it won't happen. I'm so frustrated with myself and tired of feeling down all the time.
JDPT Posted January 31, 2014 Posted January 31, 2014 Didn't make it to the gym for my second round today. It's probably best that I stay in and allow my legs to rest. I'm enjoying a movie (I am legend)relaxing, pup by my side snoring, life isn't too bad. 2
notthathard Posted January 31, 2014 Posted January 31, 2014 Coping really well, I'm done with the past. I'm at indifference and I love it. Thoughts still come up about her, but I just don't care and release them quickly. I love my life at the moment and what the future has to offer me. If my breakup never happened I would never have had the ability to change my life for the better. I'm at a point where I have two semesters of university left (finally!!). My life goal for the past two years is just stating to came true. I'm making money without having to work for an employer in a 9-5 M-F job. I would have never had the time to achieve what I have in the last 4 months if we didn't breakup. I've met a fantastic girl that puts a huge smile on my face every time, but unfortunately I have to hold back as I'm leaving for another state in about 6 months. If she comes along for the ride then great, if she doesn't I really have to do what I want to do and find someone else. Good luck everyone & thanks for all the people that make this forum the best recovery tool out there. 1
stillfiguringitallou Posted January 31, 2014 Posted January 31, 2014 Last and final breadcrumb... A post on craigslist ... with a title only I would understand ... because I see people in colors... A goodbye before relocation. A wish for me to continue being the woman he fell in love with. GOD DAMN - I was doing so good. My heart is bleeding.
Real36 Posted January 31, 2014 Posted January 31, 2014 I had 2 dreams about my ex last night. I haven't heard from him since he last the state last month. Then he text this morning. Makes me wonder how he knew
AnyaNova Posted January 31, 2014 Posted January 31, 2014 That painful moment when the crush bubble you had bursts entirely and you were an idiot to ever think. Ever hope. 1
somedude81 Posted January 31, 2014 Posted January 31, 2014 Damn I'm crying way too much. It's getting very close to that two month mark since she walked out of my life. Good thing I live alone so nobody has to see me like this. 1
freebird31 Posted January 31, 2014 Posted January 31, 2014 How am i coping today? HM rather strangely today. I am extrememly cynical today and lately. I'll just be driving somewhere, and think, God whats the point of this all? Or ill think this whole thing is a twisted game that God is playing us with. Idk what it is, but i hate life right now. really. im keeping really busy. taking an overload of coursework. and then theres my job. and i just sometimes dont even know why im doing any of it. just to keep the days going i guess. i just think of how so mich of a TEASE it was to have someone who made me so happy, be apart of my life for such a short time. and then i see my cousin who got in a relationship around the same time I did, and how they look never more happy. and in love. and still together. and i think why? why? really, why? its all so stupid, if you ask me..........i have to alwyas put this act on like im happy. and sometimes, i do think "maybe im happy" or "maybe i can be happy again." and i feel like im just BSing myself. or waiting. or passing the time BSing myself..until something proves me wrong. IDK how to be happy. I was happy and blessed and i am blessed. but being human is damn hard. i just want to be happy the way i used to feel when i was with him. i hate talking about him and thinking about him. i think its ridiculous. one, because it has been way too long. two, becuase im prob the last thing on his mind. i just feel annoyed of everything of it all. of just passing the days, trying hard to be happy. and thinking im happy. im tired becuase deep, deep down to the core, im miserable.
portableversion Posted January 31, 2014 Posted January 31, 2014 (edited) So, I have a date tonight. Now that it's getting closer, I don't want to go. It's making me miss my ex too much. It's obvious I'm not ready for any type of relationship. I've been doing horrible lately, I just want him back, but realistically I know it won't happen. I'm so frustrated with myself and tired of feeling down all the time. yeah I know what you mean. I remember when I had a lady who wanted to see me and wanted to come to my place for our 1st date. We had emailed for many months. She too like me had a divorce she did not want. Many of our emails seemed much like therapy sessions. I took it upon myself to share with her many of the things I had learned from therapy and AA meetings, and surviving divorce classes. About 30 minutes before she arrived I was crying like a baby. I just wanted to go home to my wife and our 2 sons. The whole thing just felt wrong , very wrong. I wanted nothing to do with my new life which was this dating world or complete loneliness. There was no going home. X was fast making preparations for her new marriage. I had to turn to God for help. I do feel alone in this world, very alone. Many days I do feel I'm not from this place and have no business here but yet I live here I have no other options but to pray as much as I can , and to attend all the extra masses during the week that all the old widows goto. I go and it helps and some way some how I manage to show my 2 sons a good time for the 8 days a month im lucky enough to see them. She threatens me with child support. If I had the money to pay her for child support I vow it would goto another lawyer worse than she is to fight for joint custody. A father should not be separated from his boys. This whole thing is wrong, very wrong. After all these months I can still shed tears. They be short lived and that's nice but I still need a tissue. She tossed me out june 2nd of 2012, had divorce finalized aug 7th of 2012 and was remarried july 5th of 2013. My head some days is still spinning from all this. Last month I was having nightmares about it still and today is 1/31/14.......God help me ...... I feel very sad. it has gotten better at least im not crying multiple times a day for lengthy periods. Now I get hit with bursts of anger and hatred. It's nice they are short lived. I say some prayers and they go away. I have to get ready to meet her new hubby when he gets out from the army. I am very grateful for AA meetings and my sponsor, if it were not for him I am sure I would have killed myself. But as the months have gone by he has shown me that it was not all my fault and that she truly is a sick twisted human being. And not just him but many others have reassured me that yeah sure I made my mistakes but for real me being away from her is a 2nd chance at trying to find a life which is happy joyous and free. So sad I really loved her with every fiber of my being and invested all I could possibly give. 17 years shot to hell.....Yeah forget dating I'm done it just hurts too bad I can't take anymore. I'm not sure I could survive another round of this. God I know you see this, IM sorry but this place is a sick twisted mess, realtionshipwise. Edited January 31, 2014 by portableversion
acidios Posted January 31, 2014 Posted January 31, 2014 today i woke up good i dint had a dream with her, but right now the emotions and thoughts strike's me i try to keep my mind into other things even the most silly one but even for a second my mind returns to her its like a drug i need to fight more for my own good. its almost a week that i did the mistake of broking NC and the talking in here have help me to have a better view of breaking NC with simple words i dont want to feel again the pain that she gave me on the phone, i dont want be wretched and miserable again. i dont know why my self is thinking about the good times that we had..i dont know why i cant be angry with her and all those things that she done to me.
RDawg Posted January 31, 2014 Posted January 31, 2014 sad today. I just miss her and I miss our dogs. I can't seem to make any progress, feel stuck and miserable. all my strength is gone and i drag myself through the week. i started drinking again as well. think the time has come to find a new therapist, i wasn't that impressed with the last one i went to. 1
stillfiguringitallou Posted January 31, 2014 Posted January 31, 2014 I just miss him so much I wish he would have given me a proper goodbye. Surely the 12+ months warranted that at least. 1
JDPT Posted January 31, 2014 Posted January 31, 2014 I also wanted to be properly dumped. But hey things unfolded the way they did for a reason and the faster you manage to internalize that, the faster you will start to heal. 3
AnyaNova Posted January 31, 2014 Posted January 31, 2014 They got Pandora and her box all wrong. That thing that came out at the end wasn't the great savior. It was the absolute cruelest thing in the world. Hope. 1
JDPT Posted January 31, 2014 Posted January 31, 2014 They got Pandora and her box all wrong. That thing that came out at the end wasn't the great savior. It was the absolute cruelest thing in the world. Hope. Oh that box is such a sick joke ha... 2
AnyaNova Posted January 31, 2014 Posted January 31, 2014 Though, to be fair, there is quite a bit of self-referential humor here. Believe me I know this is not the end of the world. The sad thing is, when I was in high-school, I would turn to this music when something like this happened, and there would be no self-referential humor at all. I may have been a touch melodramatic as a kid.
AnyaNova Posted January 31, 2014 Posted January 31, 2014 Oh that box is such a sick joke ha... Tell me about it!
stillfiguringitallou Posted January 31, 2014 Posted January 31, 2014 I also wanted to be properly dumped. But hey things unfolded the way they did for a reason and the faster you manage to internalize that, the faster you will start to heal. no no the breakup was a mutual - and mutually hard decision he is leaving - he told me through a post to MC board on craigslist because he knows I got there and wanted to "respect my wishes for peace and space" ****er - Why can't he be an ******* and disrepect my wishes considering the circumstances
JDPT Posted January 31, 2014 Posted January 31, 2014 Well he did disrespect your wishes hence the subliminal messages he left for you, or you perhaps understood I as so. People come people go, we remain but never stagnant propel yourself forward, only you can get yourself out of this hole. 3
AnyaNova Posted January 31, 2014 Posted January 31, 2014 Well he did disrespect your wishes hence the subliminal messages he left for you, or you perhaps understood I as so. People come people go, we remain but never stagnant propel yourself forward, only you can get yourself out of this hole. Your ex certainly won't be lending any hands in this regard! 2
JDPT Posted January 31, 2014 Posted January 31, 2014 Your ex certainly won't be lending any hands in this regard! Coincidently, and I think what worked in my favor initially was that I managed to vigorously internalize the fact that she was now a stranger to me. She needs nothing from me and I in return need absolutely nothing from her. I'm happy to say that I never went through the "oh poor her, how will she manage through life without me" phase. We are both adults and if we managed to navigate through life this far, I'm confident that we can do it this time around as well. There was life before her and will clearly be a better one after her as well. Side note- sauna was great, woke up early, had my cup of coffee and I'm still debating whether or not to have my one cigarette for the day as it's 1. detrimental to my overall health and 2. prolongs the healing of fractured/broken bones. But hey it's just one right?
iouaname Posted January 31, 2014 Posted January 31, 2014 I'm thinking about taking some time and withdrawing from the mutual friends of mine and my ex's. I like them and I like hanging out with them, but it all feels so connected to my ex. I don't interact with him anymore, but he still comes up sometimes and I still have to see him once in a while. I was thinking about taking a month to just kind of isolate myself from them. After an incident with my ex a few weeks ago, I think it's obvious to them that I'm not over him and that I'm still emotional over the whole thing. Maybe if I withdraw for a month, I can come back and present myself better. I don't know why I care so much what people think of me, but I do. I'm trying to follow the "fake it til you make it" mantra, so I want to appear completely over it. What I'm thinking: - complete NC with ex (already am) - NC with the mutual friends - which includes no hanging out with them and no going to the places they'll be - complete social media isolation for the month - no talking about the ex, my emotions, or my situation off of LS 3
Mondmellonw Posted January 31, 2014 Posted January 31, 2014 Our mutual friends seem to be more friends of my ex than mine. They're trying to get my attention in one way or another. They're acting like morons. Good thing is I have not told them anything. They can think I am the bad one here, the one who is being selfish, if that pleases their curiosity. He saw me as a possession and never loved me. Otherwise, he wouldn't have lied to me (and to himself). So, why not be selfish?... To see things from other perspective now, is healthy for me, I guess. I am doing great. I just need some more time.
Recommended Posts