igotoverit Posted January 14, 2018 Posted January 14, 2018 Thanks. I know I'll be mentioning here the day it happens. I truly am conflicted. There is still that part that hopes it won't happen. A part that hopes that maybe it'll be like the movies. Maybe she'll have a change of heart and end up returning to me, But that's just my heart talking me into some serious bullsh*t. My brain knows better. And so I'm angry at the truth. Longing for the lie. Sad because the truth wasn't the lie and lost because the discrepency left me drifting. It's not even right to wish for someone to feel unhappy. It's terrible. I hate the fact that I have such thoughts but then I remember how willingly she went back to him. She ripped me to shreds and destroyed my progress all because she wanted some fun. Oh it's so funny.."I'm not in this for the fun..I'm here for the longrun" she said. She was like tsunami that just emerged from the ocean and took out everything in it's path. What a mistake. Don't feel bad, he responded to one of my advertisements as a fake identity, one I never spoke to before, and called me creepy. It's It's long story but I advertise online and I also know he is trying to break my confidence. That's why I am here, I need strength from these bullies.
igotoverit Posted January 14, 2018 Posted January 14, 2018 Don't feel bad, he responded to one of my advertisements as a fake identity, one I never spoke to before, and called me creepy. It's It's long story but I advertise online and I also know he is trying to break my confidence. That's why I am here, I need strength from these bullies. Remember there are too many coincidences for me to not assume this is him. If he has something better to do, I suggest he do it. Taking time to set up fake accounts under my name is pathetic so we already know he's pathetic. My next step will be to get off this site and I'm not ready yet.. when i logged on, I thought I'd be a few posts here and there but I'm logged on a lot
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted January 14, 2018 Posted January 14, 2018 Remember there are too many coincidences for me to not assume this is him. If he has something better to do, I suggest he do it. Taking time to set up fake accounts under my name is pathetic so we already know he's pathetic. My next step will be to get off this site and I'm not ready yet.. when i logged on, I thought I'd be a few posts here and there but I'm logged on a lot Do you think he is here too?
igotoverit Posted January 14, 2018 Posted January 14, 2018 Do you think he is here too? No, the moderators are pretty good at monitoring abuse which I like. 1
igotoverit Posted January 14, 2018 Posted January 14, 2018 Do you think he is here too? How would he find this site or me since there is no personal information about me on this site, unlike other social media sites i used frequently which I no longer have facebook. I shut down linked in and other sites too. Theey contact me on sites I am easily found .. I'm not paranoid lol
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted January 14, 2018 Posted January 14, 2018 How would he find this site or me since there is no personal information about me on this site, unlike other social media sites i used frequently which I no longer have facebook. I shut down linked in and other sites too. Theey contact me on sites I am easily found .. I'm not paranoid lol Oh, I'm sure he's not. I just wondered if you thought he was since you said your next thing would be to get off "this site" and I assumed you meant Loveshack. So I thought maybe you were afraid he had found you here.
igotoverit Posted January 14, 2018 Posted January 14, 2018 Oh, I'm sure he's not. I just wondered if you thought he was since you said your next thing would be to get off "this site" and I assumed you meant Loveshack. So I thought maybe you were afraid he had found you here. Oh gotcha, no, its just an addiction. Its like i have an addiction to social media and now I am here. I want to get my life back and not have such a dependency online. 1
StrangerThanFiction Posted January 14, 2018 Posted January 14, 2018 I was laying in bed staring at my ceiling today when it hit me: It's over and he's never coming back. I've told myself this before but I never really believed it. In the back of my mind there was always the belief that I would hear from him again. But as I was laying there I just felt the realization wash over me that, no, it is actually over. There are no more chapters in our story, there is no epilogue, no post script. It's just THE END. I felt a momentary flash of pain at this but it ended suprisingly quickly. I suppose over the last week or so I was coming to accept it even if I didn't realize it and today was the day where I finally acknowledged it. The pain I felt was perhaps just feeling the last bit of hope snuff out. The severing of the connection I thought we had. I can't say that I won't have days where that hope flares up again but I believe those times will be short lived. Once reality smacks you upside the head it's hard to go back to fantasy. I feel different now. Honestly, it scares me a little. The hope and longing that I felt for him was familiar and I used it as a sort of insulation against the world. Now that it's no longer there I'm not sure what to do or what to feel. It's like there's a vacuum inside of me and I don't know what to fill it with. 1
igotoverit Posted January 14, 2018 Posted January 14, 2018 I was laying in bed staring at my ceiling today when it hit me: It's over and he's never coming back. I've told myself this before but I never really believed it. In the back of my mind there was always the belief that I would hear from him again. But as I was laying there I just felt the realization wash over me that, no, it is actually over. There are no more chapters in our story, there is no epilogue, no post script. It's just THE END. I felt a momentary flash of pain at this but it ended suprisingly quickly. I suppose over the last week or so I was coming to accept it even if I didn't realize it and today was the day where I finally acknowledged it. The pain I felt was perhaps just feeling the last bit of hope snuff out. The severing of the connection I thought we had. I can't say that I won't have days where that hope flares up again but I believe those times will be short lived. Once reality smacks you upside the head it's hard to go back to fantasy. I feel different now. Honestly, it scares me a little. The hope and longing that I felt for him was familiar and I used it as a sort of insulation against the world. Now that it's no longer there I'm not sure what to do or what to feel. It's like there's a vacuum inside of me and I don't know what to fill it with. That's a great way to put it and I can relate. I thought he was coming back and that he cared about me which is why he was trying so hard to get me offline and moving on. I held onto that hope and it became my insulin against the world. It was like i can handle anything and do anything with you on my side. I actually felt like a better person with him and then the rug was repeatedly ripped from under me and I didn't know what I was going to do. I missed him and what I thought he was and what I thought we had. We didn't have anything. I am dealing with the humiliation and reality now as I take small and simple steps out of this. 1
inmyownworld Posted January 14, 2018 Posted January 14, 2018 A bit on edge today. The ex texted me yesterday to meet with him today. He said he wants to apologize in person. I don't know if he thinks I will want to get back with him if I see him. But I'm going to do it because I hope it helps with his closure. I was mad, but I'm not anymore. I am ready to move on. I just hope I don't regret this, but it's the decent thing to do. 1
hurtsbadjusthurts Posted January 14, 2018 Posted January 14, 2018 Strange day for. Desperately sad. Feel so low. Yes tears(Lol) Missing my ex terribly. It almost Monday, cant wait. Anyway. I decide that even when i do move on "Internet dating" isn't for me. What does it say about me if the only way i can meet someone is to "Swipe" Do i have so little confidence in myself that scared to approach someone? Someone will only find me attractive if i select the right photos at the right angles? I may be many things, But i'm not going to be that. Although its going to be hard and i'm sure i'll get rejected a lot i'm sticking to meeting people in real life. Its a line in the sand for me, I either believe in myself or i don't. I'm backing myself. I've been spending a lot of time out(Coffee shops, gym), Takes my mind off whats happened. I feel less lonely when i'm around people. I saw someone that i had met once previously, Didn't even know her name. Nervous as hell(And expected rejection. Wasn't too worried, toughen me up a bit), but decided to talk to her. She quite good looking. Pleasant company as well. She gave me her number. Really not sure what to do now? Felt like i was cheating even talking to her. Is that weird? If i'm honest i don't feel ready to move on. Really confused. But i won, approaching someone. Not going to lie. I was damn scared. A little victory!
inmyownworld Posted January 14, 2018 Posted January 14, 2018 Strange day for. Desperately sad. Feel so low. Yes tears(Lol) Missing my ex terribly. It almost Monday, cant wait. Anyway. I decide that even when i do move on "Internet dating" isn't for me. What does it say about me if the only way i can meet someone is to "Swipe" Do i have so little confidence in myself that scared to approach someone? Someone will only find me attractive if i select the right photos at the right angles? I may be many things, But i'm not going to be that. Although its going to be hard and i'm sure i'll get rejected a lot i'm sticking to meeting people in real life. Its a line in the sand for me, I either believe in myself or i don't. I'm backing myself. I've been spending a lot of time out(Coffee shops, gym), Takes my mind off whats happened. I feel less lonely when i'm around people. I saw someone that i had met once previously, Didn't even know her name. Nervous as hell(And expected rejection. Wasn't too worried, toughen me up a bit), but decided to talk to her. She quite good looking. Pleasant company as well. She gave me her number. Really not sure what to do now? Felt like i was cheating even talking to her. Is that weird? If i'm honest i don't feel ready to move on. Really confused. But i won, approaching someone. Not going to lie. I was damn scared. A little victory! Good for you! I know the feeling though. I have to keep telling myself that I'm single, I don't have to check in with anyone and nobody cares if I date, sleep around or anything lol. I guess keep reminding yourself you are single. That's what I'm doing and it seems to be working a little.
hurtsbadjusthurts Posted January 14, 2018 Posted January 14, 2018 Good for you! I know the feeling though. I have to keep telling myself that I'm single, I don't have to check in with anyone and nobody cares if I date, sleep around or anything lol. I guess keep reminding yourself you are single. That's what I'm doing and it seems to be working a little. Thank you for the kinds words. Tbh i really did it expecting to get rejected. I kind of wanted that. Toughens me up a bit. To have the confidence to believe yourself and believe that you are "good enough" and then get rejected. But not let it effect you in anyway, still believe in yourself. Was a quality i want about myself. Suppose i can say I've at least now say i've got some faith in myself, feels nice. Not gonna lie it was damn scary(My heart was racing!) But it was really worth it. I haven't txt the girl. Not sure what i'll do. Funny you say that. I still don't really see myself as single,. Cant get my head around it. I haven't done anything wrong, but if feels like it? It felt like cheating? Also i'm not really that excited as well. I miss my ex terribly. Hope everyone has had a good day?
Beachead Posted January 14, 2018 Posted January 14, 2018 (edited) Strange day for. Desperately sad. Feel so low. Yes tears(Lol) Missing my ex terribly. It almost Monday, cant wait. Anyway. I decide that even when i do move on "Internet dating" isn't for me. What does it say about me if the only way i can meet someone is to "Swipe" Do i have so little confidence in myself that scared to approach someone? Someone will only find me attractive if i select the right photos at the right angles? I may be many things, But i'm not going to be that. Although its going to be hard and i'm sure i'll get rejected a lot i'm sticking to meeting people in real life. Its a line in the sand for me, I either believe in myself or i don't. I'm backing myself. I've been spending a lot of time out(Coffee shops, gym), Takes my mind off whats happened. I feel less lonely when i'm around people. I saw someone that i had met once previously, Didn't even know her name. Nervous as hell(And expected rejection. Wasn't too worried, toughen me up a bit), but decided to talk to her. She quite good looking. Pleasant company as well. She gave me her number. Really not sure what to do now? Felt like i was cheating even talking to her. Is that weird? If i'm honest i don't feel ready to move on. Really confused. But i won, approaching someone. Not going to lie. I was damn scared. A little victory! I'm glad I wasn't the only one who felt like that. There are some real great uses for social media if used correctly. Loveshack for example. There's a lot of good being done here. Lots of positivity. People are learning. Growing. But in general, when it comes to dating sites..it isn't my cup of tea. Edited January 14, 2018 by Beachead 1
wishyouneverleft Posted January 14, 2018 Posted January 14, 2018 Woke up so sad. Missing her madly out of nowhere. Still riding this storm out. Lana Del Rey songs conjuring certain memories, certain reveries that I had of her dancing in a white spring dress, her smiling hitting my heart and holding her in my arms. Part of it is joy, the other 2/3rds is pain and sadness. The most beautiful thing that ever happened to me. To all that are going through this, I wish we could all just hug and feel this pain together. 3
igotoverit Posted January 14, 2018 Posted January 14, 2018 I made a big breakfast and I was craving some munchies so I made myself a big bowl of popcorn. I am feeling blah today, just very depressed and beaten up. I keep saying I am going to stop paying attention but I go out of my way to find them and that's not helping. I am here trying to fold laundry but scrolling through the different platforms to see if I find anything. It's a challenging situation because I have not received much support in my nc. People don't know what to make of my situation but I think ultimately, I am fantasizing about what could have been five years ago when he doesn't want me to be a part of his life.
Jsos91 Posted January 14, 2018 Posted January 14, 2018 Been feeling low the last couple days and I'm not entirely sure why.. I struggle with depression but the last 24 hours I've been particularly low. I think I just have too much time on my hands right now since I had the week off from school, my life pace just went from 60-0 and I think I just like being on the go all the time. I was doing very well the last bit, I was feel happy and optimistic. Ive been seeing someone for a little over 5 months and she's great. Then I had this dream that really set me back. I was attending my ex fiancees wedding to someone else. It hurt terribly, her mother approached me, gave me a huge hug and told me she wished it had been me. It was upsetting because I've been doing so well and then this dream just hit me like a ton of bricks. I've been thinking about her more over the last few days and I've been missing little things that I remember... even from just this time a year ago, its incredibly frustrating. I guess I can't control my subconscious and what I dream about so I just have to try and move through this the best I can. Thems the breaks I suppose.
clist8511 Posted January 14, 2018 Posted January 14, 2018 Feeling quite weird, most days. Keep imagining a future scenario of me getting in touch with her and realising that it's just pointless; she won't care about me enough and will have moved on even more. Hate the fact that I can't even speak to her, and have no idea what she's even doing from one day to the next. Hate the fact that if we did ever speak again, she's unlikely to tell me anything about her life (she's like that with her exes, she's very private about her life) and now I'm just one of these people. I am not entitled to knowing anything. Feeling desperate and stupid last night. I even started 'praying' that she would get in touch with me - praying to who or what I have no idea. Joined a paid online dating site and messaged someone I thought was interesting. Don't expect anything to happen. I did it because I wanted to try and remind myself that other women exist, but now all I can think of is that I'll have to probably go NC with them at some point. Really cynical and depressed today.
Beachead Posted January 14, 2018 Posted January 14, 2018 Woke up so sad. Missing her madly out of nowhere. Still riding this storm out. Lana Del Rey songs conjuring certain memories, certain reveries that I had of her dancing in a white spring dress, her smiling hitting my heart and holding her in my arms. Part of it is joy, the other 2/3rds is pain and sadness. The most beautiful thing that ever happened to me. To all that are going through this, I wish we could all just hug and feel this pain together. I hear that. I just feel angry inside. I know I'm in the eye of the hurricane and I know it's going to get horrible again the day I see or hear her about her getting engaged. I'd bet my life's worth on that outcome because of the nature of my life. Nothing has gone the way I wanted it to. Not with school. Work. Friendships. Relationships. Family. I've had so much practice making lemonade out of lemons. So with this, it's the same. I don't want them to work out. Hence, they will. Because that's the way it works.
maybejune Posted January 14, 2018 Posted January 14, 2018 I know I always miss him, but today, I feel, I am actually very lonely. Without him, for sure I can still live, but a lot of time I don't know how to have fun. I used to go out and walk around to kill time before I started to date him. But now, I don't want to do those things by myself, if I am actually doing that, I will miss having him by my side. Finally, I decide not to look at dating app for a week, it only makes me feel miserable. I compare all guys there with him, no matter how good they look, I don't find any interest to contact them. 2
clist8511 Posted January 14, 2018 Posted January 14, 2018 I wish I could just message her and have her respond in the way I want her to. But I know that will never happen. We agreed to 'leave it here' the last time we spoke; to contact her again would make me look terrible and I am sure she'd get annoyed. I hate this feeling so much.
igotoverit Posted January 14, 2018 Posted January 14, 2018 I wish I could just message her and have her respond in the way I want her to. But I know that will never happen. We agreed to 'leave it here' the last time we spoke; to contact her again would make me look terrible and I am sure she'd get annoyed. I hate this feeling so much. I am sorry for your pain. I read through your posts but I will hand it to you because you are stating exactly how I feel. I am making ribs and "tidying" my house, making it acceptable because I don't have the energy to clean it. The dryer went off a half hour ago but to switch loads feels like such a task. I keep thinking about his life, how he met a women, went out on a date, turned into more and anticipated sex with her for the first time. He introduced her to his kinds and a part of me said that he is not yours, he is hers now. It's very difficult and I hope I snap out of this soon. I should take some time out of dating and then maybe start again in 6 mo th8s from now. Maybe take the next six months to heal from this. I feel alone going through this. 1
divegrl Posted January 14, 2018 Posted January 14, 2018 I was doing well. Then my ex contacted me and I was physically sick for 3 days. Pain and diseases of the body are portals to our subconscious mind. More healing to be done. More to let go and surrender. 3
clist8511 Posted January 14, 2018 Posted January 14, 2018 I am sorry for your pain. I read through your posts but I will hand it to you because you are stating exactly how I feel. I am making ribs and "tidying" my house, making it acceptable because I don't have the energy to clean it. The dryer went off a half hour ago but to switch loads feels like such a task. I keep thinking about his life, how he met a women, went out on a date, turned into more and anticipated sex with her for the first time. He introduced her to his kinds and a part of me said that he is not yours, he is hers now. It's very difficult and I hope I snap out of this soon. I should take some time out of dating and then maybe start again in 6 mo th8s from now. Maybe take the next six months to heal from this. I feel alone going through this. I'm sorry for yours, too. I read through your posts often and it helps me to feel less alone, less crazy. Totally feel you on unloading the dryer, too. But look at it this way, you managed to get stuff together to put a load on in the first place, right? That's excellent. Taking time out I think is important. But sometimes it feels like maybe the answer is to just jump into something else with someone else, that way the mind would be fully distracted, if that makes sense. You're also not alone going through it, we are all here together.
clist8511 Posted January 14, 2018 Posted January 14, 2018 I was doing well. Then my ex contacted me and I was physically sick for 3 days. Pain and diseases of the body are portals to our subconscious mind. More healing to be done. More to let go and surrender. I'm sorry to hear that you became ill. How long were you together/been apart?
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