How are you coping today?

January 12, 2018

Finally out of bed and off the mobile device. I am using the desktop and I have a cat. She is crawling all over the desk and in front of the screen blocking my view. My poor cat probably noticed me in bed and felt I was depressed these past few days.. I am up and about again which is good. I've been down since last week and the entire week has been shot.

I am finally back to work today. I am just having my coffee and I'll leave in about an hour. I think it'll do me some good to socialize with my coworkers, there will be three of us this morning, and then get busy. I am hoping it'll help direct me to better decisions when I get home so I don't end up in bed, and online, scavenging websites for what is left of their responses.

I sound very pathetic and I probably am which makes it that much harder to move on.

January 12, 2018

Finally out of bed and off the mobile device. I am using the desktop and I have a cat. She is crawling all over the desk and in front of the screen blocking my view. My poor cat probably noticed me in bed and felt I was depressed these past few days.. I am up and about again which is good. I've been down since last week and the entire week has been shot.

I am finally back to work today. I am just having my coffee and I'll leave in about an hour. I think it'll do me some good to socialize with my coworkers, there will be three of us this morning, and then get busy. I am hoping it'll help direct me to better decisions when I get home so I don't end up in bed, and online, scavenging websites for what is left of their responses.

I sound very pathetic and I probably am which makes it that much harder to move on.

You're not pathetic! It's hard. HARD. Healing is not linear. Two steps forward, one step back, days spent in bed type of deal.

Good for you for harnessing your energy today to get back to work and cultivate a positive attitude. Go you! Sending you good thoughts and blessings.

January 12, 2018

Finally out of bed and off the mobile device. I am using the desktop and I have a cat. She is crawling all over the desk and in front of the screen blocking my view. My poor cat probably noticed me in bed and felt I was depressed these past few days.. I am up and about again which is good. I've been down since last week and the entire week has been shot.

I am finally back to work today. I am just having my coffee and I'll leave in about an hour. I think it'll do me some good to socialize with my coworkers, there will be three of us this morning, and then get busy. I am hoping it'll help direct me to better decisions when I get home so I don't end up in bed, and online, scavenging websites for what is left of their responses.

I sound very pathetic and I probably am which makes it that much harder to move on.

No you don't sound pathetic and it's nice to hear your day to day activities. You're human. You're heartbroken and simply trying to deal with the pain. Things are fresh and results won't come tomorrow. It will be a slow gradual process until one day you wake up and realize it hurts less. I don't know when that day will come for you, but it will. Until then, day by day is how we take it. Life isn't easy. Getting up to face a new day is brave. Takes courage. We lose our way and forget this amidist all the expectations that are imposed on us by work, school, family, friends, ourselves etc.

Edited January 12, 2018 by Beachead

January 12, 2018

Thank you everyone for your kind words. I did go into work and really enjoyed getting out of the house and socializing. I came home and made myself a healthy lunch with some spinach and chicken.

I am going to clean my house now. I registered all my courses online and am slowly taking on contracts during the day. Slow and steady wins the race. I have 4 a week so far which is a good start. I'll conquer the four a week and then take on some more.

January 12, 2018

That's nearly 7 months. Where does the time go? I'm coping better, I'm almost functioning as normal, and when I meet a stranger or friend I can at least pretend everything's alright.

It's still absolutely excruciating though, in private. I can now do things around the house to keep myself busy and occupy my thoughts, which I was incapable of in the early stages of this weird experience.

But as soon as I stop, even for a moment, the ever-present background hum of anxiety and regret swell up to a crescendo... and so I come to post on LS.

What a life.

January 12, 2018

Would love to say i wasn't excited by the thought that she might reach out this weekend and we can sort things out. Really missing her. It ridiculous just how much i think about her. I try not to, i don't want to. Still, can't stop :-( We'd be enjoying our evening together right now. Making plans for the weekend. She was best friend. feel lost without her. Sad.

January 12, 2018

That's nearly 7 months. Where does the time go? I'm coping better, I'm almost functioning as normal, and when I meet a stranger or friend I can at least pretend everything's alright.

It's still absolutely excruciating though, in private. I can now do things around the house to keep myself busy and occupy my thoughts, which I was incapable of in the early stages of this weird experience.

But as soon as I stop, even for a moment, the ever-present background hum of anxiety and regret swell up to a crescendo... and so I come to post on LS.

What a life.

I think you and me are at the same stage of healing because that's exactly how it is for me. I am beginning to feel strong enough to pretend to atleast be okay in front of others and I am beginning to function decently in my day to day. It's just when those nights come or a moment alone hits..I feel a blanket of emotions I used to feel. They're just quieter now.

January 12, 2018

I think you and me are at the same stage of healing because that's exactly how it is for me. I am beginning to feel strong enough to pretend to atleast be okay in front of others and I am beginning to function decently in my day to day. It's just when those nights come or a moment alone hits..I feel a blanket of emotions I used to feel. They're just quieter now.

I figure that means we're halfway there: at first, we wanted them back and loved them. Now, we wouldn't/couldn't take them back, but probably still love them.

So, in another 6 months, we won't want them back or love them.

It's always going to hurt like hell to think of them with someone else, and so as sad as it is, it's much, much better not to think of them at all. Ever again.

God I loved that woman.

January 12, 2018

I did not reply to your last text which was 6pm on Wednesday. I am trying to move on and forget that I still love you. I am broken and want to stop thinking about forgiving you and if I did the right thing by breaking up with you. I just hope I have more strength if you text me again. I am still not coping at all.

January 12, 2018

I figure that means we're halfway there: at first, we wanted them back and loved them. Now, we wouldn't/couldn't take them back, but probably still love them.

So, in another 6 months, we won't want them back or love them.

It's always going to hurt like hell to think of them with someone else, and so as sad as it is, it's much, much better not to think of them at all. Ever again.

God I loved that woman.

Yep, I hear that. I loved my ex too. I just can't really feel it all that much anymore because it's overshadowed by the anger and disgust I feel towards her actions.

I'm 5 months in. I thought it would take longer for me to get to this point because I was truly depressed back in November..but I'm not complaining. If I can get over this as soon as possible, that would be the best case scenerio.

..it would be a nice bonus if her relationship went to h*ll. I don't even feel bad for saying it. Whatever.

January 12, 2018

Yep, I hear that. I loved my ex too. I just can't really feel it all that much anymore because it's overshadowed by the anger and disgust I feel towards her actions.

I'm 5 months in. I thought it would take longer for me to get to this point because I was truly depressed back in November..but I'm not complaining. If I can get over this as soon as possible, that would be the best case scenerio.

..it would be a nice bonus if her relationship went to h*ll. I don't even feel bad for saying it. Whatever.

Yeah I'm in the same boat with regards to her current fling- still wouldn't take her back regardless. Interesting you bolded that sentence, because at first I wrote 'I love that woman'- but then had to go back and correct the tense.

Maybe healing is closer than I thought...

January 13, 2018

I am at the anger stage and it is intense. I am lying here and I am no longer hurt but angry. I really gave it to him tonight and told him to stay away from me and to stop it with his advice. I am so angry I referred to him as punk and I am a 35 year old white women so that's kind of funny. I am so angry at all those low life recruits who said yes to his game and all the dishonesty. I just want to put this behind me now once and for all.

January 13, 2018

I will try and stick to how I have felt ‘today’, since that is the focus of this thread.

I saw a friend I haven’t seen for a couple of weeks today – but before she arrived, I was in a relatively good mood… I was still thinking about my ex here and there, but the thoughts weren’t deeply painful, as they have so often been.

Once my friend had left, I felt OK and began getting ready to go to see a family member. Again, everything felt OK. I think of my ex, I wonder what she’s doing at that particular time, but there is only so much energy I can give to that thought. I don’t know what she’s doing – to try and imagine or work it out would be pointless, and, it doesn’t matter what she’s doing. She is living a different reality to mine, now. Is she with someone else? I don’t know – she told me she isn’t, but at one point she WILL be – but whether she is, isn’t, whatever… it has nothing to do with me. This is why I am so thankful for NC.

I can feel NC working. I feel myself letting go a little bit each day. It’s like I’ve been carrying a bag with stones in, and each day I just throw a few more out of the bag and the bag becomes lighter.

I don’t want to be too positive. ‘Healing isn’t linear’ – I can’t remember who on these forums said that to me, but it’s stuck. I don’t get excited when I have a good day, because I know I could wake up tomorrow and have a dreadful day. But I am thankful for how I’ve felt today, and it’s shown me that NC DOES work, despite all the doubts and all the urges of wanting to make contact.

I realise that the relationship was awful and I have no idea why I remained in it for so long. Actually yes, I do. I was lonely and frightened of being alone. I am alone now and it is taking some working out, some getting used to, but I am here. I have done the scary part.

I feel sad that we both had to experience so much pain. She isn’t a bad person. I have said some dreadful things about her on here and to my friends. I think she has her own set of internal issues that need to be worked on, but that’s up to her. It isn’t relevant to me what she does. I do wish happiness for her in the future; everyone deserves happiness.

I also wish it for myself – I don’t think my happiness lies in another relationship. I think it may lie elsewhere; achievements within my education/career, for example. But I know I will get there. I hope when I’m having a bad day I look at this post and remember that there IS hope.

January 13, 2018

I wear my pain like stilettos-Kelsea Ballerini

January 13, 2018

I loved my ex too. I just can't really feel it all that much anymore because it's overshadowed by the anger and disgust I feel towards her actions.

SAME here. F him. Hes selfish and disgusting to me.

January 13, 2018

well this was weird....A few days ago I was listening to this song on repeat and feeling very sad. It basically sums up our relationship and breakup. He could never open himself up, was so closed off from himself and from being vulnerable with me so I had to walk away. I hadn't heard this song in yearssss. I think it came out in 2013? I was in the grocery store today and I heard the opening piano part come on and I could have cried right then and there at the cashier....ugh Does it get easier?

I feel like it's just cruel that the song came on.....

January 13, 2018

Right now I can't believe I've ended it on such good terms with her. The more time goes by after the break up, I realize what she truly did to me.

All I want to do is tell her that there won't ever be a chance I want to see her again. I'm so angry, sad and I feel betrayed. She's such a horrible person for dealing with her problems like that...

And after all of it she has the guts to tell me that she loves me - How dare she?

She's such a delicate person but doing that to someone you love, what kind of person does that make out of her.

I've lost all of my respect. I can't deal with that person anymore.

To stop myself from writing that mail takes all my willpower at the moment.

Edited January 13, 2018 by perception

January 13, 2018

Yep, I hear that. I loved my ex too. I just can't really feel it all that much anymore because it's overshadowed by the anger and disgust I feel towards her actions.

I'm 5 months in. I thought it would take longer for me to get to this point because I was truly depressed back in November..but I'm not complaining. If I can get over this as soon as possible, that would be the best case scenerio.

..it would be a nice bonus if her relationship went to h*ll. I don't even feel bad for saying it. Whatever.

Ditto on almost everything. Its been almost the same time apart as well. I'm still having episodes that I tear up when I remember what we had, but I'm not hysterically crying like I did before. I also to wish whom ever takes my place only lasts long enough to give her back what she did to me.

Edited January 13, 2018 by wishyouneverleft

January 13, 2018

I find I am doing opposite of what they told me to do because of how violating his advice was. I thought about going and getting my eyebrows and hair done, but then they told me to so I am putting my hair in a clip and heading out for lunch, this site helped me a lot this week, thank you to everyone who posts. I mentioned before, I can see a little bit of me in all of them May the journey to happiness begin.

January 13, 2018

Trying to make sense of my feelings, tonight.

Is it her I miss, or is it just the ‘something to do’ and the company? I think it may be the second one more so than the first one. I am trying to understand which one it is. I’ve spent the day on my own – I finished unpacking the boxes that have been lying there for months, and now my living room looks much better. It’s important to me to try and do things, now. Even something small like unpacking a couple of boxes. A few weeks ago I wouldn’t have been able to muster the energy to do so, so that’s progress.

I wonder what she’s doing. She’s probably asleep (it’s past 11pm here). I try not to think whether she’s with someone – she said she wasn’t, and while that’s the piece of information she’s given me, my mind likes to imagine worse scenarios taking place. I hate the thought that I am not part of her life anymore, but I try to remind myself that this is life. This is what break ups are about. Millions of people go through this and worse – people lose their entire lives, their children, everything. Millions of people no longer speak to their exes, that’s just how it is. If we all stayed in touch with our exes it would be a mad, worldwide mess. I try not to think that this situation is somehow different and we should be speaking… this is how a break up works.

I’m quite bored, and not sure how to rectify this. I’ve cleaned, I’ve had a bath.. I’ve made sure I’ve eaten. I’m doing everything right. Maybe it’s just a question of time.

I think about whether I could be with someone else and I don’t know. Should I date? Would it be for the right reasons? Probably not. And I wouldn’t be able to stop comparing. And without being crude.. I wouldn’t want anyone else to touch me sexually. It would just upset me. Maybe that’s also something that will ease with time.

January 14, 2018

Ditto on almost everything. Its been almost the same time apart as well. I'm still having episodes that I tear up when I remember what we had, but I'm not hysterically crying like I did before. I also to wish whom ever takes my place only lasts long enough to give her back what she did to me.

It's such a helpless feeling eh? Being made to feel so foolish. Just have to sit there and take it and carry on.

January 14, 2018

Embracing the anger stage. I hate you son of a beep

January 14, 2018

Embracing the anger stage. I hate you son of a beep

Another friend of mine got engaged today. Publicized it on FB. It did not sit well with my anxiety which took that opportunity come out and play tonight. Made me think about my ex and her ex and their relationship and the fact that I know he was planning to propose as well. It's just a matter of time before I catch the news via social media and friends. A picture here. A comment there. Maybe tonight. Maybe tomorrow. Maybe next week..next month. But definitely within the year. Can't run away from it. Sent me right of to miserable-ville.

Can't really just force myself to forget. Maybe when I get busier in the year I won't think so much about it but I doubt it. Either way, all I can do is live my life and face it when it comes. Sooner the better. Just want to get it over with.

Good times

January 14, 2018

Another friend of mine got engaged today. Publicized it on FB. It did not sit well with my anxiety which took that opportunity come out and play tonight. Made me think about my ex and her ex and their relationship and the fact that I know he was planning to propose as well. It's just a matter of time before I catch the news via social media and friends. A picture here. A comment there. Maybe tonight. Maybe tomorrow. Maybe next week..next month. But definitely within the year. Can't run away from it. Sent me right of to miserable-ville.

Can't really just force myself to forget. Maybe when I get busier in the year I won't think so much about it but I doubt it. Either way, all I can do is live my life and face it when it comes. Sooner the better. Just want to get it over with.

Good times

I feel you and for you. What I am going through is no walk in the park. It happened, right or wrong and it can't be erased. You're right about one thing, it's inevitable so ride it out and ride it out with those who support you. I support you so ride it out...

January 14, 2018

I feel you and for you. What I am going through is no walk in the park. It happened, right or wrong and it can't be erased. You're right about one thing, it's inevitable so ride it out and ride it out with those who support you. I support you so ride it out...

Thanks. I know I'll be mentioning here the day it happens.

I truly am conflicted. There is still that part that hopes it won't happen. A part that hopes that maybe it'll be like the movies. Maybe she'll have a change of heart and end up returning to me, But that's just my heart talking me into some serious bullsh*t. My brain knows better. And so I'm angry at the truth. Longing for the lie. Sad because the truth wasn't the lie and lost because the discrepency left me drifting. It's not even right to wish for someone to feel unhappy. It's terrible. I hate the fact that I have such thoughts but then I remember how willingly she went back to him. She ripped me to shreds and destroyed my progress all because she wanted some fun.

Oh it's so funny.."I'm not in this for the fun..I'm here for the longrun" she said. She was like tsunami that just emerged from the ocean and took out everything in it's path. What a mistake.

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