How are you coping today?

[igotoverit]

I am feeling great today and just got back from having coffee with my boss, establishing what contracts I would take. I have been working on my own but I can't say that because they end up being cash jobs so my business plans weren't going as I had planned. I decided to build my own clients but still work contracts for a company with a real pay check.

 

 

I feel more positive and best yet, have not checked any sites that they are on. I refuse too. I am about to clean my house and make myself a coffee. I have a visitor today at 2pm. After this visit, I will have the entire day to myself and I plan on doing productive and positive things.

[iflipburgers]

No tears today (so far). Haven't had the hit in the stomach feeling yet either. Still trying to rid myself of any remaining hope of reconciliation (she gave closure, i see no future with you. Consistent thoughts are always....I will never meet a girl like this again (connection, smart, trustworthy etc). In my late 20s and feel that I just blew the best thing that is likely ever to happen to me. God If only we could turn back the clock ah....

[Seymore]

Toronto.

 

The city is beautiful. Architecture. Shows. Cuisine. Lots of beautiful landscapes within the city and outside of it. I appreciate all the good stuff but it unfortunately has some draw backs in some key areas that I wish were not drawbacks.

 

Are you considering elsewhere in Canada or somewhere else in the world?

 

Feeling alone, the last place I'd want to be is away from family.

[Gr8fuln2020]

Not very well. I dumped him, my friends say he emotionally abused me. I shouldn't be sad, I should be happy to get rid of him. I was ok until he contacted me. Now, I want to be sucked in again. How do you end the cycle?

 

BLOCK HIM COMPLETELY! How is he getting a hold of you?

[inmyownworld]

BLOCK HIM COMPLETELY! How is he getting a hold of you?

 

By text. We just broke up about 4 weeks ago. He contacted me after 3. I think he thought if he gave me space, I would get over it and go back. I have done it before, so that's why it's a cycle. I know I can block him, but I feel it's not the nice thing to do since we were together so long. How can I just erase him? I'm disgusted, but I also love and miss him. I don't know how I can miss someone so bad that hurt me continuously. I know there's something wrong with me. I was abused as a child. I got therapy and thought I was over it. I can't pick the right people, because my brain doesn't even know the abuse is happening. I know I just have to be alone, because I can't pick a good one, but I don't want to be alone. I just feel broken, sad, and confused.

[igotoverit]

By text. We just broke up about 4 weeks ago. He contacted me after 3. I think he thought if he gave me space, I would get over it and go back. I have done it before, so that's why it's a cycle. I know I can block him, but I feel it's not the nice thing to do since we were together so long. How can I just erase him? I'm disgusted, but I also love and miss him. I don't know how I can miss someone so bad that hurt me continuously. I know there's something wrong with me. I was abused as a child. I got therapy and thought I was over it. I can't pick the right people, because my brain doesn't even know the abuse is happening. I know I just have to be alone, because I can't pick a good one, but I don't want to be alone. I just feel broken, sad, and confused.

 

 

 

Don't feel bad, everything you are feeling is not only normal but common. The afraid of being alone will pass and the best thing for you to do is continue to log onto this forum as well as connect with people who value you. I speak of experience .. I was being abused and the treatment was incredibly cruel. I held this person so high on a pedestal, that I would expose myself to the abuse rather then just let him go.

 

 

It's almost like the negative attention he gave me, was better then no attention and I became addicted to him through our years apart when he would contact me to abuse me. my gut knew it was wrong so I would confront him about it and ask him to give me space to move on and that I was in no way asking for him to return to my life.

 

 

I have to block this person too and force myself to move on just like you should. It is so hard and it will not be easy but you should do it. how you treat yourself is what dictates how other people treat you.

[Seymore]

By text. We just broke up about 4 weeks ago. He contacted me after 3. I think he thought if he gave me space, I would get over it and go back. I have done it before, so that's why it's a cycle. I know I can block him, but I feel it's not the nice thing to do since we were together so long. How can I just erase him? I'm disgusted, but I also love and miss him. I don't know how I can miss someone so bad that hurt me continuously. I know there's something wrong with me. I was abused as a child. I got therapy and thought I was over it. I can't pick the right people, because my brain doesn't even know the abuse is happening. I know I just have to be alone, because I can't pick a good one, but I don't want to be alone. I just feel broken, sad, and confused.

 

You absolutely have to block the number. Even still, it may not end there, I must warn you.

 

I was abused as well and it wasn't easy, but I deleted all social media and blocked her number, so she emailed. I blocked that. Then she showed up in my building. Then she sent me letters. Then she got a new phone number and messaged me from that, leading me to change MY phone number. Then she showed up in my building again and I had to have the cops call her, warning her to cease and desist. Then she had her friends and family message my friends and family. Then she got a new email and emailed me from that. Then she sent me a card.

 

This is all over the course of a year and a half after I left and I STILL miss her. It's not easy in the least, but you NEED to block the person any way you can. You're not being the mean one. They're the one who messed up your head.

[Gr8fuln2020]

By text. We just broke up about 4 weeks ago. He contacted me after 3. I think he thought if he gave me space, I would get over it and go back. I have done it before, so that's why it's a cycle. I know I can block him, but I feel it's not the nice thing to do since we were together so long. How can I just erase him? I'm disgusted, but I also love and miss him. I don't know how I can miss someone so bad that hurt me continuously. I know there's something wrong with me. I was abused as a child. I got therapy and thought I was over it. I can't pick the right people, because my brain doesn't even know the abuse is happening. I know I just have to be alone, because I can't pick a good one, but I don't want to be alone. I just feel broken, sad, and confused.

 

PLEASE PLEASE. It's not about how long you knew one another or how much you loved one another. He is not good for you! In order for you to grow and heal, YOU MUST BLOCK HIM. RESIST CONTACTING HIM.

 

What you are feeling is entirely natural. You are mourning a loss of relationship. You are not necessarily losing a good person, but your sadness to the loss of familiarity and relationship is what you are feeling.

 

You sound like my ex-wife. In my case, I had to cut it off for her as she was tormented. I finally said to her that our past is just that...the past and that she needs to move FORWARD and beyond it. Our relationship proved toxic for both of us and we have come to the conclusion that it was best for us to part....permanently. We both now have the opportunity to HEAL.

 

Broken. Sad. Confused. I felt the same way. I am in therapy getting help. Talking to my friends. Keeping active.

 

You can NEVER just erase someone. There's always going to be some part of you that will reminder him. My ex and I had an incredibly passionate dating/honeymoon phase....it wasn't meant to be. I am the dumper. I still love her, but b/c I love her, I know that I have to let her go. She knows this.

 

HEAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If he is being a total weiner-schnitzel, you know that he really didn't love you. He is now being manipulative. MOVE ON. BLOCK BLOCK BLOCK.

[Fever of love]

I know this is a largely American forum, with an an American policy on what you folks refer to as 'cussing.'

 

I understand that, and I understand the board rules.

 

However as a Britisher, sometimes nothing quite beats the expressive clarity of

'F**k this 'S**t!!'

 

I don't know whether I'd post that here though, or 'don't contct your ex' thread haha.

 

Apologies in advance mods; meant in good humour.

 

Returning to topic. It ain't easy. F.T.S.

[inmyownworld]

PLEASE PLEASE. It's not about how long you knew one another or how much you loved one another. He is not good for you! In order for you to grow and heal, YOU MUST BLOCK HIM. RESIST CONTACTING HIM.

 

What you are feeling is entirely natural. You are mourning a loss of relationship. You are not necessarily losing a good person, but your sadness to the loss of familiarity and relationship is what you are feeling.

 

You sound like my ex-wife. In my case, I had to cut it off for her as she was tormented. I finally said to her that our past is just that...the past and that she needs to move FORWARD and beyond it. Our relationship proved toxic for both of us and we have come to the conclusion that it was best for us to part....permanently. We both now have the opportunity to HEAL.

 

Broken. Sad. Confused. I felt the same way. I am in therapy getting help. Talking to my friends. Keeping active.

 

You can NEVER just erase someone. There's always going to be some part of you that will reminder him. My ex and I had an incredibly passionate dating/honeymoon phase....it wasn't meant to be. I am the dumper. I still love her, but b/c I love her, I know that I have to let her go. She knows this.

 

HEAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If he is being a total weiner-schnitzel, you know that he really didn't love you. He is now being manipulative. MOVE ON. BLOCK BLOCK BLOCK.

 

I know, my best friend is telling me the same. That I need to move on. I feel exactly that...tormented. I am tormented with him and I'm tormented without him. In a way, I was happier with him. I know, it doesn't make sense and I probably sound stupid.

[igotoverit]

Are you considering elsewhere in Canada or somewhere else in the world?

 

Feeling alone, the last place I'd want to be is away from family.

 

I am from Toronto and perhaps there are other Ares in the city you would feel more connected. On the outskirts you have York region and then Durham area. A move to a suburb on the outskirts of TO may make a big difference. There are a lot of resources in those areas to help you do a move depending on what your barriers are or if you have any.

Edited January 11, 2018 by igotoverit

[flooded]

Today's been easier, but dammit why don't you reach out!?

[hurtsbadjusthurts]

Not good in fairness. I'm just really, really sad. Nothing cheers me up. I've spent as much time as i can out toady. Hate being home alone with my thoughts. I find the weekends so hard. And here it comes again. Does anyone else struggle with weekends?

[inmyownworld]

Not good in fairness. I'm just really, really sad. Nothing cheers me up. I've spent as much time as i can out toady. Hate being home alone with my thoughts. I find the weekends so hard. And here it comes again. Does anyone else struggle with weekends?

 

For me, it's the nights, weekday or weekend. I'm pretty busy during the day with work and friends, but the nights are lonely as hell. I feel your pain.

[igotoverit]

For me, it's the nights, weekday or weekend. I'm pretty busy during the day with work and friends, but the nights are lonely as hell. I feel your pain.

 

I am actually heading out to the grocery store to buy groceries. I don't have a particular time when I am affected and weekends am usually busy but when it hits me, it hits me for a few days and then I start to trek myself out of it with little steps that I am making. By the weekend I hope to be over this and I'm hoping next week goes better then this week did.

[Jimmy3858]

I’m doing really good. Most days I don’t even think about you, the memories we had are fading and I’m loving it. Every day of NC it’s easier and easier. I’m so grateful for realizing how horrible of a person you are, and so thankful that we aren’t together anymore.

[hurtsbadjusthurts]

I think i find the weekend so hard because we'd work all work and then the weekend would be ours. I looked forward to it all the time, it would be just me and her. Now i know she wont be there.

 

Its been two months since she ended it. Because she is busy with work in the week, you never really have time to think. So every weekend since i've been sat there staring at my phone hoping she'll reach out.

 

Nothing yet, gutting

[Beachead]

Are you considering elsewhere in Canada or somewhere else in the world?

 

Feeling alone, the last place I'd want to be is away from family.

 

I know. That's exactly why I've stayed close to them. They're the only thing that holds me together in this messy life. I have a lot of extended family in Australia as well and I've been there many times and so it is a place I was considering. Also perhaps Chicago where my brother lives.

 

For me and this is just a personal thing..I've seen and been through too much over here. Loss of love. Loss of friendships. Family issues. Health issues. I've moved passed and moved on and got through a lot over the years but as time goes on, I can feel the damage is beginning to pile on. Just driving through the suburbs/city remind me of a lot of things I don't want to remember anymore. And the feeling often leaves me out of breath with an ache in my chest. If I date someone new, I'd have to take them around places that overlap with these past experiences. I think I've simply reached my emotional threshold. It isn't an impulse decision caused by one experience. I've thought about it for years and can't see a future for myself here anymore. We'll see.

 

It's a day by day life for me.

Edited January 12, 2018 by Beachead

[flooded]

I think i find the weekend so hard because we'd work all work and then the weekend would be ours. I looked forward to it all the time, it would be just me and her. Now i know she wont be there.

 

Its been two months since she ended it. Because she is busy with work in the week, you never really have time to think. So every weekend since i've been sat there staring at my phone hoping she'll reach out.

 

Nothing yet, gutting

 

Have you considered blocking her?

[Seymore]

I know. That's exactly why I've stayed close to them. They're the only thing that holds me together in this messy life. I have a lot of extended family in Australia as well and I've been there many times and so it is a place I was considering. Also perhaps Chicago where my brother lives.

 

For me and this is just a personal thing..I've seen and been through too much over here. Loss of love. Loss of friendships. Family issues. Health issues. I've moved passed and moved on and got through a lot over the years but as time goes on, I can feel the damage is beginning to pile on. Just driving through the suburbs/city remind me of a lot of things I don't want to remember anymore. And the feeling often leaves me out of breath with an ache in my chest. If I date someone new, I'd have to take them around places that overlap with these past experiences. I think I've simply reached my emotional threshold. It isn't an impulse decision caused by one experience. I've thought about it for years and can't see a future for myself here anymore. We'll see.

 

It's a day by day life for me.

 

Hey, I'm in Chicago! Lol. You'd have at least one friend to make here.

 

You say "overlap", I say "overwrite". I've done the same thing but created good times in those same places i had with exes, but with family. You never completely forget the experiences in that place with your exes, but when you spend quality time with family in those places it eases the pain.

[igotoverit]

I am home from the grocery store and cleaning my house seems so difficult. I am having a hard time cleaning it tonight. That's bad.. I have been in bed all week and clearly rejected because they keep posting advice that I don't want to hear and I keep reading. They haven't called or done this kindly so I am realizing I gave them to much of me that I never should have gave. For some reason I have faith I will get up to clean soon.

[Beachead]

I'm trying to stay above water but its so hard. Flashbacks of what we had coming out of the blue with deep emotional hits. Its almost paralyzing. She just won't leave my head. I don't have anything of hers, NC, and yet still she pops up. The memories and the end was so traumatic. I bought a ring, ready to propose, that's how sure I was about what we had. How could I have been such an idiot? My mind, it just spins with all the things she said, everyone that knew her thought we were in it for the long haul.

 

Nothing idiotic about that my friend. Even if you were to be with someone new, you would still have to do the same. That's what truly being with someone is. That's what love is in it's purest essence. A risk. To risk leaving yourself vulnerable and trusting that person not to be reckless with your soul. And the only way to do it is to take a leap of faith.

 

What's there to change the next time? Become more closed off? Not trust the person? Remain distant? That's a good to way to hurt the other person and choke the life out of a blooming relationship.

 

So no. You did what was required and what you were supposed to do. You did right.

 

She's the one who failed you.

[Beachead]

Hey, I'm in Chicago! Lol. You'd have at least one friend to make here.

 

You say "overlap", I say "overwrite". I've done the same thing but created good times in those same places i had with exes, but with family. You never completely forget the experiences in that place with your exes, but when you spend quality time with family in those places it eases the pain.

 

Nice! Chicago's beautiful. The city is quite the sight.

 

You're correct when it comes to family helping me ease the pain. That's a true point there.

[h647]

I have been struggling the last week or so. Only 10 days N/C. It was a complicated situation but we said we would stay friends. We haven't spoke since though and I have deleted her number but am now worried if she thinks bad of me.

[iflipburgers]

Always tough on a weekend when you used to spend the whole time with your ex partner. But trying to find the energy to identify ways to occupy myself i.e. new hobbies, interests.

 

Walks deffo help though!

 

Hope everyone is feeling ok?