igotoverit Posted January 10, 2018 Posted January 10, 2018 It seems I'm getting used to the daily involuntary cycle of thinking about the ex followed by many reminders of why it wouldn't have worked out between us anyway. It's daily emotional combat. I feel a lot of ways about things. Mainly anger but I know I'm sad too, I can feel it at times. All of it has really submitted to numbness. Not the kind of numbness I felt around the 1st two months where I realized I was in denial..but a numbess that comes from acceptance. I suspect that's I feel angry inside. Might mean I'm starting to let go. We'll see. You are so kind and your advice is so helpful. To hopefully help you, I read a lot today because I did not go to work. I stayed in bed all day and started to feel better towards the evening, there is a torture stage in all breakups and most but not all, I think a lot of us will picture them moved on as the ideal but life is not ideal for anyone. That had me thinking that our thoughts of torture are probably not true. I mean if you think about it, how long does the honey moon stage last? Certainly not forever and our exes probably have there own struggles and problems which for me gave me relief that I can take the time and focus on mine. So when he pops in my head, I think of my school and office and the things I am doing to better myself even through all this pain. If the secret to happiness is connection then I will live to tell it one day and that's exciting.
flooded Posted January 10, 2018 Posted January 10, 2018 I am ALL OVER THE PLACE. Sometimes I'm furious at all the lies he fed me, the promises he made me, the **** he projected onto me. Sometimes I just miss his hugs, kisses, warmth, body, sex. I really, really miss navigating life in this weird corner of the world together. (Were both transplants to a tiny college town in Appalachia.) I miss the conversation, the laughs, the meals. In the moment I could see us doing those things forever. Obviously he felt differently. 3
Beachead Posted January 10, 2018 Posted January 10, 2018 (edited) This is one of my favorite quotes. It sums up my life. It's not aimed to motivate or preach. Just a simple expression of relatable frustration. "You and me and never us; a complicated series of almost interactions" Edited January 10, 2018 by Beachead 1
Gr8fuln2020 Posted January 10, 2018 Posted January 10, 2018 I am ALL OVER THE PLACE. Sometimes I'm furious at all the lies he fed me, the promises he made me, the **** he projected onto me. Sometimes I just miss his hugs, kisses, warmth, body, sex. I really, really miss navigating life in this weird corner of the world together. (Were both transplants to a tiny college town in Appalachia.) I miss the conversation, the laughs, the meals. In the moment I could see us doing those things forever. Obviously he felt differently. Not sure if these feeling ever disappear. I suspect not. But time and continued efforts to re-establish relationships is very important in finding NEW love...it will never be the same as you had, but it will be a different LOVE. Seek that.
flooded Posted January 10, 2018 Posted January 10, 2018 This is one of my favorite quotes. It sums up my life. It's not aimed to motivate or preach. Just a simple expression of relatable frustration. "You and me and never us; a complicated series of almost interactions" Wow, what a quote. Speaking of "almost interactions," I saw him again today. Ugh. I was parked and talking to a friend through my passenger side window. Out of the corner of my eye I see him. We lock eyes. He smiles, waves. I kind of smile and wave back. He says "Hi everyone!" And keeps walking. I can't handle seeing him so often. ****.
perception Posted January 10, 2018 Posted January 10, 2018 After last night was hell (no sleep at all), I went out tonight and did something I always wanted, yet always found a reason not to do. - I joined a gathering of my political party of choice, met alot of new people and had interesting conversations. Now I'm at a 8/10 level - in other words bliss for a chronically depressed someone and happier than i was in my relationship for the last couple of months. F codependancy - I'm gonna have more of this tomorrow when I will tryout a basketball team.
Beachead Posted January 10, 2018 Posted January 10, 2018 Wow, what a quote. Speaking of "almost interactions," I saw him again today. Ugh. I was parked and talking to a friend through my passenger side window. Out of the corner of my eye I see him. We lock eyes. He smiles, waves. I kind of smile and wave back. He says "Hi everyone!" And keeps walking. I can't handle seeing him so often. ****. Is there some way you can drop him from your life for awhile or is this because you have mutual friends? It's going to really slow down your recovery time if you're seeing him all the time. You'll need the distance for a long time. 1
igotoverit Posted January 11, 2018 Posted January 11, 2018 I am on a waiting list for a psychologist and should be seeing him/her in march. It was through the universities mental health studies in my area just because it is far more affordable for me. The forum has been helping me. I don't think I loved him because I didn't know him but five years ago when I left that job, I am still there everyday and so I am hoping I can get to the route of this obsession and infatuation and move on. Since that time, memories haven't been that great and I just remember how happy I was. I never let that time period go and it's been 5 years. I have a psyciatrist, family dr, counsellor but they aren't a psychologist so I'm looking forward to being able to see one.
Beachead Posted January 11, 2018 Posted January 11, 2018 I am on a waiting list for a psychologist and should be seeing him/her in march. It was through the universities mental health studies in my area just because it is far more affordable for me. The forum has been helping me. I don't think I loved him because I didn't know him but five years ago when I left that job, I am still there everyday and so I am hoping I can get to the route of this obsession and infatuation and move on. Since that time, memories haven't been that great and I just remember how happy I was. I never let that time period go and it's been 5 years. I have a psyciatrist, family dr, counsellor but they aren't a psychologist so I'm looking forward to being able to see one. Nice! I have a therapist and also use this forum to help me. I journal out my thoughts every now and then as well. Helps me see my train of thought and some patterns in my behavior. So lots of good steps taken there your end. I see you're doing a lot of self-reflection as well which will help tremendously.
flooded Posted January 11, 2018 Posted January 11, 2018 Is there some way you can drop him from your life for awhile or is this because you have mutual friends? It's going to really slow down your recovery time if you're seeing him all the time. You'll need the distance for a long time. It's just difficult because of where we live. My house is a quarter mile from his and we live in a tiny town - less than 5000 population. You see everyone all the time, whether you want to or not. Luckily I'll be starting classes in a few weeks a few towns over, which is also where my daughter goes to school and where I go to the gym, so I'll be busier AND out of town, which should help. How I miss living in a big city, where you can just disappear.
igotoverit Posted January 11, 2018 Posted January 11, 2018 It's just difficult because of where we live. My house is a quarter mile from his and we live in a tiny town - less than 5000 population. You see everyone all the time, whether you want to or not. Luckily I'll be starting classes in a few weeks a few towns over, which is also where my daughter goes to school and where I go to the gym, so I'll be busier AND out of town, which should help. How I miss living in a big city, where you can just disappear. That has to be hard. Stay strong and know we are here for you. 1
igotoverit Posted January 11, 2018 Posted January 11, 2018 Nice! I have a therapist and also use this forum to help me. I journal out my thoughts every now and then as well. Helps me see my train of thought and some patterns in my behavior. So lots of good steps taken there your end. I see you're doing a lot of self-reflection as well which will help tremendously. Thank you. I have moments where I am just freaking out and all over the place too. I am glued to the computer, I am drained and in bed with very little energy. I keep asking myself why didn't they do this differently so I wouldn't be so affected. Why is this so hard and I am hoping I can get through this. Right now it doesn't feel like it, but I am reading other people's stories and hoping I too come out on the other end. Some people have a more interesting story to tell then I do so I do appreciate the fact you are reading my posts and giving me some advice. That is why I am here so thank you very much.
Beachead Posted January 11, 2018 Posted January 11, 2018 (edited) It's just difficult because of where we live. My house is a quarter mile from his and we live in a tiny town - less than 5000 population. You see everyone all the time, whether you want to or not. Luckily I'll be starting classes in a few weeks a few towns over, which is also where my daughter goes to school and where I go to the gym, so I'll be busier AND out of town, which should help. How I miss living in a big city, where you can just disappear. Wished I lived in a small town because I'm starting to feel a bit sick of being invisible. Nice little case of grass is greener for us eh? It will. Hang tough and ride it out for now. Edited January 11, 2018 by Beachead 1
igotoverit Posted January 11, 2018 Posted January 11, 2018 Wished I lived in a small town because I'm starting to feel a bit sick of being invisible. Nice little case of grass is greener for us eh? It will. Hang tough and ride it out for now. Why do you feel invisible?
Beachead Posted January 11, 2018 Posted January 11, 2018 Thank you. I have moments where I am just freaking out and all over the place too. I am glued to the computer, I am drained and in bed with very little energy. I keep asking myself why didn't they do this differently so I wouldn't be so affected. Why is this so hard and I am hoping I can get through this. Right now it doesn't feel like it, but I am reading other people's stories and hoping I too come out on the other end. Some people have a more interesting story to tell then I do so I do appreciate the fact you are reading my posts and giving me some advice. That is why I am here so thank you very much. You'll find a lot of people on here who feel as you do. Myself included. And no worries at all. It's not really about what's interesting as it is more about helping others which also helps me deal with my own battles. So I'm glad that I was able to help you a little bit. Stay Strong 1
Seymore Posted January 11, 2018 Posted January 11, 2018 I'm struggling tonight. Not struggling as though I'm going to contact her but just reliving the abuse. When I cracked the other night for the first time in 2 years and checked her FB page I didn't see her with another man at all, but her kids graduating, one with his first girlfriend, and knowing I couldn't be a part of their lives it hurt a ton. She still has pics of me on her FB and posts alluding to her wanting me back but I re-blocked her and it still lingers. To have seen all the posts to our (wait...my OLD) mutual friends' pages made me realize they're HER friends and aren't mine. All I keep telling myself is that the look in her eyes in those pics told me enough - she's nuts, and the fact she's getting sued told me she still has no common sense and is reaping what she's sown. I just remember how thankful I am that I'm not with her because I'd be in the middle of all that lawsuit drama right now. But I still think (and dream about) her and her kids at least once a week. Better than every night like it used to be but one day at a time. Less is better. Since the breakup I've gone to therapy, learned guitar and locksport as hobbies and while it's almost impossible to do either without thoughts of her entering my mind, they help. Thankfully, work has been extra heavy and stressful because it keeps my mind occupied. Doesn't mean I don't miss her, though. I remember going to church for the last few months of our relationship, asking God to give me a way out and he provided. I got what I wanted. I just have to learn to appreciate that.
Beachead Posted January 11, 2018 Posted January 11, 2018 Why do you feel invisible? I don't know tbh. It's a lot of things. The way people are here on the street. The lack of hello, smiles, conversation. The kind of people I've chosen to be my friends. The people I ended up in relationships with. All 3 relationships failed. People I loved both platonically/romantically gone. In the end, Nobody's around. Nobody keeps in touch. I went through one of the toughest times in my life late last year and handled it alone. The worst part about it was it didn't even bother me because it had become so normal that I was used to it. And that's messed up because nobody should ever get used to that. I don't accept that and I won't settle for it. I'm a social person who could strike a conversation up with a stranger on the street and I've been forced into living a life of solitude because of the way it is over here. It's all wrong for me. I belong elsewhere. I don't know where but I do know it's anywhere but here. Apart from my family, I only take care of myself now. When I'm able, I'm leaving. It's just time for a long overdue change. 1
flooded Posted January 11, 2018 Posted January 11, 2018 I don't know tbh. It's a lot of things. The way people are here on the street. The lack of hello, smiles, conversation. The kind of people I've chosen to be my friends. The people I ended up in relationships with. All 3 relationships failed. People I loved both platonically/romantically gone. In the end, Nobody's around. Nobody keeps in touch. I went through one of the toughest times in my life late last year and handled it alone. The worst part about it was it didn't even bother me because it had become so normal that I was used to it. And that's messed up because nobody should ever get used to that. I don't accept that and I won't settle for it. I'm a social person who could strike a conversation up with a stranger on the street and I've been forced into living a life of solitude because of the way it is over here. It's all wrong for me. I belong elsewhere. I don't know where but I do know it's anywhere but here. Apart from my family, I only take care of myself now. When I'm able, I'm leaving. It's just time for a long overdue change. Where are you?
igotoverit Posted January 11, 2018 Posted January 11, 2018 I don't know tbh. It's a lot of things. The way people are here on the street. The lack of hello, smiles, conversation. The kind of people I've chosen to be my friends. The people I ended up in relationships with. All 3 relationships failed. People I loved both platonically/romantically gone. In the end, Nobody's around. Nobody keeps in touch. I went through one of the toughest times in my life late last year and handled it alone. The worst part about it was it didn't even bother me because it had become so normal that I was used to it. And that's messed up because nobody should ever get used to that. I don't accept that and I won't settle for it. I'm a social person who could strike a conversation up with a stranger on the street and I've been forced into living a life of solitude because of the way it is over here. It's all wrong for me. I belong elsewhere. I don't know where but I do know it's anywhere but here. Apart from my family, I only take care of myself now. When I'm able, I'm leaving. It's just time for a long overdue change. I can relate to a lot of posts on this site, and including yours. I think it's common and human nature I guess. I am feeling ignored and invisible all the time, I too blamed where I live and have resorted to online. I find it just as hard to meet people online. I have to ask myself personally, if it is because of the former or is it because of me. I plan on leaving my city one day but right now it's not feasible. I find a lot of people, including myself, are not being sensible and you still have to carry on somehow where you are living. You did good by coming here, not everyone is going to relate and vise versa but you will find people like you and I feel invisible too. I went through all of this and some alone and believe you me, a lot of people are alone. Why I can't answer that because you need social circles to learn from. Just to be a smarter person, I should make more effort to do things in my community. Just to learn things.. Here is a great start but it's online and it is helping me at the moment but eventually, I have to move on too.
Beachead Posted January 11, 2018 Posted January 11, 2018 (edited) Where are you? Toronto. The city is beautiful. Architecture. Shows. Cuisine. Lots of beautiful landscapes within the city and outside of it. I appreciate all the good stuff but it unfortunately has some draw backs in some key areas that I wish were not drawbacks. Edited January 11, 2018 by Beachead 1
Cora Posted January 11, 2018 Posted January 11, 2018 I am finally feeling at peace with everything. I feel free, no longer anxious or on edge, sad or paranoid, can no longer be disappointed. My New Years resolution was to give up on finding love and having a family of my own. I’ve since taken down my online dating profile. I no longer wish or hope or pray that I’ll find someone. I’m just completely done with it all and all the pain, let down and heartache that comes with it. I’m learning each and everyday to be happy on my own. To no longer have the desire to find someone special. I’m still a work in progress, but I have to say it’s such a relief not to worry about these things anymore. All the years of longing for something out of reach. I can finally just let it all go now and it feels very freeing. I’m just sorry it’s taken me this long to get here... 1
wishyouneverleft Posted January 11, 2018 Posted January 11, 2018 I'm trying to stay above water but its so hard. Flashbacks of what we had coming out of the blue with deep emotional hits. Its almost paralyzing. She just won't leave my head. I don't have anything of hers, NC, and yet still she pops up. The memories and the end was so traumatic. I bought a ring, ready to propose, that's how sure I was about what we had. How could I have been such an idiot? My mind, it just spins with all the things she said, everyone that knew her thought we were in it for the long haul.
Lowrider93 Posted January 11, 2018 Posted January 11, 2018 It's been two years since our split after a twelve year marriage. I've felt a lot anger and a lot of sadness and I've buried a lot of pain for a long time now. Last night I woke up weeping and it was from how I feel about being cut out of your life. I got down on my knees and I told my Lord that only he knew what I was going thru. I happened to have a talk radio show on and they were interviewing a local band and they started to play a song that they had wrote. The timing couldn't have been any better because the song they were playing was, " Sometimes you just can't win". Lord I have never received an answer that quickly before. Amen
flooded Posted January 11, 2018 Posted January 11, 2018 Toronto. The city is beautiful. Architecture. Shows. Cuisine. Lots of beautiful landscapes within the city and outside of it. I appreciate all the good stuff but it unfortunately has some draw backs in some key areas that I wish were not drawbacks. Toronto! I visited once - it's beautiful, and indeed a bona fide big city. When you need a change of pace you need a change of pace....
inmyownworld Posted January 11, 2018 Posted January 11, 2018 Not very well. I dumped him, my friends say he emotionally abused me. I shouldn't be sad, I should be happy to get rid of him. I was ok until he contacted me. Now, I want to be sucked in again. How do you end the cycle?
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