fieldoflavender Posted January 3, 2018 Posted January 3, 2018 See thing is - anyone can be "extra nice" for like months but who can do it for years? Only if you truly love someone. Maybe I did some of that too - I was confused, and I thought I loved my ex, but I don't and I didn't. Whenever the times got tough, I got sick of it. It doesn't necessarily make me a terrible person, but I think I should have just broken up with him. But I didn't want ANOTHER failed relationship and I thought I had to settle. Of course it depends on what type of person you are - but I am not one to like screw someone over just because I don't love them anymore. I believe break-ups are right in that case, but the way we do it is very telling of our character. Yeah he delivered +++++++ for less than a year and then did worse than my first ex who at least had the insight that he wouldn't be able to deliver and broke it off earlier. I'm going to have insight in the future too - that's what I learned. If I can't deliver, just do both of us a favour, and end it. We will bend backwards for the person we love - and when we are fed up and don't want to anymore, then we don't really love them. I'm not talking about being tired one day and finding their annoying habits annoying. Everyone will get that. But if you want to leave them and you can't take it anymore - plain you don't love them. Words mean nothing. And vice versa. I still believe in the type of love - if they were strapped to a bed as a vegetable, and I would still want to marry them and read to them and be with them watching them - because that's love. But very few love stories in the world are truly like this - hence, it's the plots of movies. But I do believe, if you really love someone that much, you will sacrifice (if you are not a selfish person who only ever cares about yourself). But otherwise, you have to figure out what is worth it for you. Don't forget - the person you are with and marry could end up as a vegetable any day. Are you willing to sacrifice? 3
divegrl Posted January 3, 2018 Posted January 3, 2018 The clock struck at midnight. Did everything instantly change? Did the pain wash away, so I can begin anew? Well for me, no. Healing takes patience and time. But I can take small steps every day towards a life of more abundance and trust. I am never alone. 4
throwaway2k17 Posted January 3, 2018 Posted January 3, 2018 Being sober and love sick is a prison sentence. I just want to drink and get enfolded in a warm, silky mental protective barrier. But i won't. Because that just delays the hurt for another night.
Beachead Posted January 4, 2018 Posted January 4, 2018 Being sober and love sick is a prison sentence. I just want to drink and get enfolded in a warm, silky mental protective barrier. But i won't. Because that just delays the hurt for another night. Yea don't my friend. Only way passed it is to feel it and grieve through it. Don't run from it, don't bury it. Face it. Be patient with yourself and let time do it's thing. All you have to do is make sure you get up every morning, take care of yourself and take life one day at a time. 2
HiCrunchy Posted January 4, 2018 Posted January 4, 2018 (edited) I cried today during my lunch break and on my walk back home from work. And one of my co workers and sister suspected it. I lied and said it was the cold temp outside that made my face red and sniffley. It’s my birthday tomorrow. Maybe I won’t cry. I wonder he he will remember me for a moment. I’ll pretend that he will. Even if it’s just a passing thought. Edited January 4, 2018 by HiCrunchy 2
Beachead Posted January 4, 2018 Posted January 4, 2018 (edited) 5 months since my break up. 3 months since the last contact. Nearly 4 months since she reached out herself. Been facing the destruction of my hope for weeks now. Starting to notice I'm having the odd day where memories are beginning to feel hazy or blurry. As if they were a long time ago. Also starting to notice I can have the odd good day all by myself now. She's not on a pedestal anymore. I'm either angry or numb. It may possibly be the beginning results of No Contact. I don't know. Time shall tell.. Edited January 4, 2018 by Beachead 1
Beachead Posted January 4, 2018 Posted January 4, 2018 (edited) I cried today during my lunch break and on my walk back home from work. And one of my co workers and sister suspected it. I lied and said it was the cold temp outside that made my face red and sniffley. It’s my birthday tomorrow. Maybe I won’t cry. I wonder he he will remember me for a moment. I’ll pretend that he will. Even if it’s just a passing thought. My Birthday passed by recently. Didn't get a wish. I was sad about it but also glad. It would have just caused stress. You'd have to sit there wondering if you should reply or not and if you do, figure out what to say. Then wait for the response anxiously, only to end up receiving a short, emotionless reply or possibly nothin at all, that would leave us feeling worse off and ruining our birthday. It would reopen wounds and possibly make us say or do something that would make things far worse. Better off without it. Edited January 4, 2018 by Beachead
flooded Posted January 4, 2018 Posted January 4, 2018 Not. Was he lying when he said he'd reach out soon? He called me multiple times Saturday. That means something, no? I'm obsessive, obsessed. He's back today or tomorrow. I'm afraid I'll collapse if I see him. 1
HiCrunchy Posted January 4, 2018 Posted January 4, 2018 My Birthday passed by recently. Didn't get a wish. I was sad about it but also glad. It would have just caused stress. You'd have to sit there wondering if you should reply or not and if you do, figure out what to say. Then wait for the response anxiously, only to end up receiving a short, emotionless reply or possibly nothin at all, that would leave us feeling worse off and ruining our birthday. It would reopen wounds and possibly make us say or do something that would make things far worse. Better off without it. He didn’t send a birthday message last year. No reason he would send on this year. Why would he send one now a year and a half after the break up? That would be silly. I wish he would, tho. I still love him even now. I just want hope that he remembers me, even if it’s just a passing thought.
Beachead Posted January 4, 2018 Posted January 4, 2018 He didn’t send a birthday message last year. No reason he would send on this year. Why would he send one now a year and a half after the break up? That would be silly. I wish he would, tho. I still love him even now. I just want hope that he remembers me, even if it’s just a passing thought. Don't worry, even if he didn't wish you, he does still think about you even if it is a passing thought. I am very sure of that. I still get thoughts about my exes from years ago. Maybe not a "I miss them so much, I want to be with them again" but a passing thought of a good or bad memory. It may or may not affect me. It does happen now and then.
wishyouneverleft Posted January 4, 2018 Posted January 4, 2018 (edited) What I would give to have a time machine. I just don't know where I would stop to make the changes necessary to change the trajectory of my life. When the music stops, and I'm alone, I just sit and feel the pain. In silence I let the tears build up. How much I miss the facade I fell in love with. There's never been a more beautiful, blissful, fulfilling feeling. I can honestly say when I'm in my golden years to the future generations, that I fell madly in love once. That I felt that emotion that blinded you with the kind of joy that takes over your body. I went to sleep every night talking to this person. She professed her love to me too. I felt that emotion that spontaneously makes you think about marriage and children. A connection so deep that there was no doubt in my mind that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with this woman. A love so innocent that I felt God rewarded me for changing my life around for the better. That all my past sins have been forgiven and I now can live a wholesome and spiritually fulfilling life. I can finally say I fell madly in love with someone. That love that F.Scott Fitzgerald spoke about in his books. The pain I feel now I know one day I'll understand and know it was worth it, to feel that glimpse of happiness and total euphoria that I would of been awarded had I lived a more straight and narrow life. It was the most beautiful feeling in the world, and it pains that in my 30's I just found it. People tell me all their stories, friends of friends who lost jobs after a heartbreak, positions in their firms, total breakdowns; I just couldn't, I couldn't fight for someone that kept quitting on me. I wish just once I could close my eyes and wake up with her next to me one last time. The more time passes, the more I feel the grip she had on me dwindle away to just her finger tips still grasping my hand. But yet I still feel her in my heart. Such a paradoxical dilemma. In conclusion, I'm coping as best as I can, with what I can. I'm learning to live with this pain, its now part of me. I don't think about it, its just there like a splinter, or toothache. I wish she would of showed her true self rather than put up this charade, I wouldn't be here torn, but once again, I have to remind myself what I felt during the sunny days; that euphoric feeling. Edited January 4, 2018 by wishyouneverleft
divegrl Posted January 4, 2018 Posted January 4, 2018 I cried today during my lunch break and on my walk back home from work. And one of my co workers and sister suspected it. I lied and said it was the cold temp outside that made my face red and sniffley. It’s my birthday tomorrow. Maybe I won’t cry. I wonder he he will remember me for a moment. I’ll pretend that he will. Even if it’s just a passing thought. I’m so sorry for all the pain you’re going thru. Wishing you a happy birthday. We care about you. Hugs my friend. 1
flooded Posted January 4, 2018 Posted January 4, 2018 My life is fuller and I'm keeping busy, so why am I still thinking about him? This is driving me nuts.
HiCrunchy Posted January 4, 2018 Posted January 4, 2018 (edited) It’s my birthday today and I am now 23 years old. I am not excited, My youth is slipping away. My sister made me a cake. I tried to keep it together while they sang happy birthday and cut it. I got a text from a close friend. He is friends with my ex. I’m trying not to cry, these last few days have been terrible. I almost made my family know. I am glad they bought my lies I have so many goals, and I don’t even care are to accomplish any of them. I don’t have the energy to do anything. I’m tired of pretending to be happy. Yesterday night was the first time I thought about writing a suicide notes. Maybe I should write them Edited January 4, 2018 by HiCrunchy 2
Logo Posted January 4, 2018 Posted January 4, 2018 It’s my birthday today and I am now 23 years old. I am not excited, My youth is slipping away. Trust me, at 23 you're still very young. In fact, you've just started your journey in life. Embrace every moment, enjoy your birthday. Happy birthday. 3
Cora Posted January 4, 2018 Posted January 4, 2018 I’ve read this quote before and even though it’s not very nice and perhaps a bit childish, it makes me feel better every time I read it. And on days like today after stupidly checking social media and seeing things I did not want to see it came in handy. I needed the cheering up... “Never get jealous when you see your ex with someone else because our parents taught us to give our used toys to the less fortunate.” 2
flooded Posted January 5, 2018 Posted January 5, 2018 It’s my birthday today and I am now 23 years old. I am not excited, My youth is slipping away. My sister made me a cake. I tried to keep it together while they sang happy birthday and cut it. I got a text from a close friend. He is friends with my ex. I’m trying not to cry, these last few days have been terrible. I almost made my family know. I am glad they bought my lies I have so many goals, and I don’t even care are to accomplish any of them. I don’t have the energy to do anything. I’m tired of pretending to be happy. Yesterday night was the first time I thought about writing a suicide notes. Maybe I should write them This is very concerning. Please tell your friends and family what you are thinking, and seek professional help. Your life is just beginning. 1
Jdoublenn Posted January 5, 2018 Posted January 5, 2018 It’s my birthday today and I am now 23 years old. I am not excited, My youth is slipping away. My sister made me a cake. I tried to keep it together while they sang happy birthday and cut it. I got a text from a close friend. He is friends with my ex. I’m trying not to cry, these last few days have been terrible. I almost made my family know. I am glad they bought my lies I have so many goals, and I don’t even care are to accomplish any of them. I don’t have the energy to do anything. I’m tired of pretending to be happy. Yesterday night was the first time I thought about writing a suicide notes. Maybe I should write them I know many of us have been where you're at, and have been that low. Its scary! To both see from the outside and to deal with yourself.. but you're stronger than you think! Get some help, find someone to talk to, and/or find medicine that boosts your serotonin levels to keep you from feeling so low. Be strong, stick around; you'll find your way out of this. ((HUGS)) 1
Beachead Posted January 5, 2018 Posted January 5, 2018 Heart's hurting tonight. Just when I think I'm starting to shake this thing..
Jimmy3858 Posted January 5, 2018 Posted January 5, 2018 Heart's hurting tonight. Just when I think I'm starting to shake this thing.. Keep your head up man. You got this!! 2
Jimmy3858 Posted January 5, 2018 Posted January 5, 2018 I know many of us have been where you're at, and have been that low. Its scary! To both see from the outside and to deal with yourself.. but you're stronger than you think! Get some help, find someone to talk to, and/or find medicine that boosts your serotonin levels to keep you from feeling so low. Be strong, stick around; you'll find your way out of this. ((HUGS)) I agree
throwaway2k17 Posted January 5, 2018 Posted January 5, 2018 Heart's hurting tonight. Just when I think I'm starting to shake this thing.. I've only been here for a week and the wisdom you shared on one of my posts has helped me so much. You are clearly an intelligent person, and secure enough to open up about how you feel. You need to take pride in who you are and keep putting one foot in front of the other. Keep helping others like myself and you will find out that you are helping yourself along the way. 1
wishyouneverleft Posted January 5, 2018 Posted January 5, 2018 It’s my birthday today and I am now 23 years old. I am not excited, My youth is slipping away. My sister made me a cake. I tried to keep it together while they sang happy birthday and cut it. I got a text from a close friend. He is friends with my ex. I’m trying not to cry, these last few days have been terrible. I almost made my family know. I am glad they bought my lies I have so many goals, and I don’t even care are to accomplish any of them. I don’t have the energy to do anything. I’m tired of pretending to be happy. Yesterday night was the first time I thought about writing a suicide notes. Maybe I should write them Seek help, please. It doesn't matter if you're 23,33, or 43, a heart break is a heart break. Just recently I was where you are in the sadness and I had the same thoughts, and I'm in my 30's. Learn to live with the pain, mourn the death of your relationship in a healthy manner, and you'll come out of this a stronger person. Once you've emerged from this state, then you can either give love a shot again, or join the other population of single individuals who never really wanted to give it a shot again after that initial heart break because they learned to enjoy, live, and be complete just being by themselves. Once again, SEEK HELP. Most of us had to at some point in our lives to shake away the "norms" that have been instilled into us by society and the media. I wish you the best.
flooded Posted January 5, 2018 Posted January 5, 2018 Saw ex crossing the street today, and feel I'm back at square one. Felt overwhelmed when I saw him (he didn't see me) and just wanted to yell out his name/disappear. Was totally distracted at lunch and have had him in my thoughts since. I wish he would reach out. Why do I keep having these feelings?
Beachead Posted January 5, 2018 Posted January 5, 2018 Saw ex crossing the street today, and feel I'm back at square one. Felt overwhelmed when I saw him (he didn't see me) and just wanted to yell out his name/disappear. Was totally distracted at lunch and have had him in my thoughts since. I wish he would reach out. Why do I keep having these feelings? Because you're grieving someone you loved. Plain and simple. Setbacks really suck but can be a blessing in disguise being they will force you to face certain feelings/thoughts that you avoid. Just know that healing isn't linear, it's actually quite erratic. Over time though, you'll notice on average, an increasing number of better feelings. Meaning better moods, better thoughts which translate to better days. The bad feelings, back moods, bad thoughts, bad days will still all be there but the good stuff will begin to muscle it out gradually. One day you'll look back and realize.."Whoa..did I just have a good day?" And that one day could happen in a few months, could happen in a year or more but it will happen. Despite my pain, I am aware this is happening to me. 2
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