CautiouslyOptimistic Posted January 1, 2018 Posted January 1, 2018 Good grief. So sorry to hear that. Family is often a bastion of support, but goodness knows, they are some times the worst. Family seem to think that inconveniencing their own kin is not so bad. Ugh. Yeah, get that resume going and keep up your spirits. Thank you. They cut my pay by 35% 6 months after I bought my home, but THIS is ridiculous. Meanwhile, they currently own four homes and have a life full of play...... I can't wallow forever, though. There's nothing (except myself) stopping me from moving on and finding another job.
Gr8fuln2020 Posted January 1, 2018 Posted January 1, 2018 Thank you. They cut my pay by 35% 6 months after I bought my home, but THIS is ridiculous. Meanwhile, they currently own four homes and have a life full of play...... I can't wallow forever, though. There's nothing (except myself) stopping me from moving on and finding another job. Are you bound to your current location? What are the job prospects in your area?
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted January 1, 2018 Posted January 1, 2018 Are you bound to your current location? What are the job prospects in your area? I am bound to my current location, yes. I have children in school (teenagers). My work for the last 5.5 years has been entirely online so I could work anywhere, but....the kids . My experience is all over the place and not related to my degree, which is a good and bad thing, but jobs in this area shouldn't be hard to come by if I can just figure out what I want to do. I'll also look into continuing to do what I'm already doing (web content management) and just try to get new clients as an independent contractor. But, it sure would be nice to have health insurance and vacation days again . It also would probably good for my New Year's Resolution of a total "reset" on my life if I started leaving my house for a job. Doubt my dog will agree. First step is updating the resume. 1
Gr8fuln2020 Posted January 1, 2018 Posted January 1, 2018 Yes. Resume first and then start sending those puppies out there! I often wonder what it would be like to have a job that allows one to stay home. Seems ideal but I am not disciplined enough. Get a job that requires a commute also means daily interaction with people. A good thing for the most part, no? More interpersonal relationships and connections. Get on that resume ASAP! Like now.... 1
Chilli Posted January 1, 2018 Posted January 1, 2018 I know the feeling because that was my fear as well. My ex went back to her ex after we broke up 5 months ago. Despite everyone's doubts, they appear to be doing well. I know he wanted to propose to her and I recall the way she spoke about him and how he spoke about her. There's enough of love and stubborness there to beat the odds. Sad to say, I have such a strong faith my tragically ending relationships that it gives me faith in them getting married because any other outcome would be unusual in my life. I just don't care anymore. Let the storm come. I'll pitch a tent and ride it out because I also have faith in my ability to get through the toughest circumstances be it broken or stronger. Eh bh , yeah , l hear what your saying in all this believe me , same outcome with my ex w but of all people , she married him. fkkkk. Probly about the most unlikely match you'll ever see. But yaknow life has weird patterns with me and with all sorts of things right through, when l stop giving a fk , things come together . Don't ask me why . Think your on the right track mate.
sorano Posted January 1, 2018 Posted January 1, 2018 I figured it out. A lot of women, a disproportionate number of them, in the state where I live are just nasty opportunists. They’re rude, self-entitled, selfish to the point of narcissism, and self absorbed. It seems to be a demographic anomaly. Lol. Man it sounds like Long Island New York. 1
Chilli Posted January 1, 2018 Posted January 1, 2018 (edited) Yeah it is weird working at home isn't it co , been doing it for years myself. l always make sure l get out even if just up to the shops for lunch or a bit of a drive around just to be out and around people, up to our main town any excuse. Good luck with all that , l know how hard it is when your payin off a new mortgage alone but needing more work or to experiment to get it but keeping the money coming in at the same time, add kids , but you'll get there , keep the faith eh. Good luck. Edited January 1, 2018 by Chilli 2
fieldoflavender Posted January 2, 2018 Posted January 2, 2018 I get PTSD from dating now. I'm just so burnt out from all the stuff not working out. I think I'll make a pact with myself, and maybe like cora is doing - at 35, I should just give up. In everything else in life, I've never just "given up" but honestly, trying harder isn't the answer here. 2
Logo Posted January 2, 2018 Posted January 2, 2018 I get PTSD from dating now. I'm just so burnt out from all the stuff not working out. I think I'll make a pact with myself, and maybe like cora is doing - at 35, I should just give up. In everything else in life, I've never just "given up" but honestly, trying harder isn't the answer here. I wouldn't give up. But, I'm not too sure where to summon the hope that one day, very soon, I will find that person. A few months ago someone responded to one of my posts and wrote something to the effect that, instead of regretting the demise of the relationship I should regret having ever met my ex. At the time I thought it was a bit harsh; I still had some fond memories of the time we spent together. You know, those moments when you feel like you're the happiest person on the planet, elated beyond your wildest dreams. But today I feel that instead of lifting me up and making me a better person, she dragged me down to her level. I feel like my last two relationships have been one gigantic distraction and a waste of my emotional, financial and physical resources. Every time I think about it, it makes me sad that something I wanted so much, something I have yearned for my entire life -- finding true love -- ended up being a punch to the face and gut. Unfortunately, like anything else in life, I have learned from them. 1
TheElephant Posted January 2, 2018 Posted January 2, 2018 (edited) Really struggling today Tried to contact my ex for a reconciliation just before Christmas and she said she'd been in seeing someone for 2 weeks. If I'd acted quicker there may have been a realistic chance as friends were commenting on the way she was looking at me only a few weeks before. I've currently started working nights for a week and couldn't sleep well. I came the closest to a panic attack as I ever have, the only other time being when I was delayed by trains making me think we'd miss our first date. Living on my own and only seeing work colleagues tbis week going to be tough. Horrible start to the year. Edited January 2, 2018 by TheElephant 1
divegrl Posted January 2, 2018 Posted January 2, 2018 I can make good choices. I can do hard things. I am beautiful inside and out. 3
anonymousbear00101100 Posted January 2, 2018 Posted January 2, 2018 In the days post break up I've found myself being very positive and happy, which for some reason makes me feel guilty? After my first breakup I couldn't eat or sleep for days but this time I've been taking a more confident and hopeful outlook. Even on just the first full day of being apart, I could forget about her for 30 minutes at a time, and fall right asleep without much thought. I still hurt though sometimes, like right now. I can't get the images of her parents crying while saying goodbye to me. Or the image of her sobbing in my arms at the airport as we said goodbye for the last time. We loved each other so much and I know it must be hard for her too. Breaking up was the right thing to happen given the situation, but it hurts so bad that we grew apart enough that we couldn't be together anymore. I feel awful for the way I treated her sometimes and want to say its all my fault, but that wouldn't be true. Growing apart when life gets too overwhelmingly tough is so heartbreaking. It just wasn't our time anymore. I'm going to miss her comfort, her support, the way she always made me feel like I could do anything with her at my side. She helped me with my confidence issues and is a big reason why I'm doing so well now. I suppose I'm not going to miss all the baggage and feeling like I had to be responsible for her. I regret getting so frustrated with her, I know she didn't do it on purpose, but after a while she just accepted being miserable and it started to drag me down. I feel like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders and I can do what I want again. I also feel like a huge part of me is gone, and I don't know who I really am anymore. I guess I'll find out.
wishyouneverleft Posted January 2, 2018 Posted January 2, 2018 Lol. Man it sounds like Long Island New York. Sounds like my generation and after of women. Almost every female wants to be an Instagram model that was coddled and told she was pretty one, two many times by relatives.
wishyouneverleft Posted January 2, 2018 Posted January 2, 2018 I'm just working to keep reminding myself that if she truly felt this was one in a million, the rarity in finding such a partner like me, and that truly believed that god brought us together, she wouldn't of thrown it all a way in less than 6 days. I never cheated, I never "ghosted", always found ways to show affection, did everything I could do to make sure she feels loved despite the long distance between us, made sacrifices I've never done before for a woman. If that wasn't enough to at least talk before giving up instead of telling me you regret sleeping with me out of the blue, and doing a 180 on almost everything you said in regards to your devotion to me and the relationship, and finally ignoring me for 3 days on calls and only to give me simple texts before the breakup, then there's nothing I could do. I just hope the fall doesn't break you when God knocks you off your pedestal that's apparently doing a balancing act on your high horse. 1
Gillys Posted January 2, 2018 Posted January 2, 2018 Today has been horrible. I had a dream about my ex last night, I cant even remember the dream exactly, but I woke up crying and haven’t felt well since. I’ve been trying to keep myself busy with work. I even drove to one of my favorite restaurants during a break today to try to cheer myself up but I couldn’t get out of the car because I felt like I was about to cry again. I have no idea where all of this sadness is coming from; my ex left me almost 2 years ago for FS I should be over it all by now. However, for some reason, whenever I get a slither of hope things are getting better, I feel like I get kicked down the mountain once again. I just want to get back to where I was before I had my heart ripped out and stomped on for the first time.
sorano Posted January 2, 2018 Posted January 2, 2018 I'm just working to keep reminding myself that if she truly felt this was one in a million, the rarity in finding such a partner like me, and that truly believed that god brought us together, she wouldn't of thrown it all a way in less than 6 days. I never cheated, I never "ghosted", always found ways to show affection, did everything I could do to make sure she feels loved despite the long distance between us, made sacrifices I've never done before for a woman. If that wasn't enough to at least talk before giving up instead of telling me you regret sleeping with me out of the blue, and doing a 180 on almost everything you said in regards to your devotion to me and the relationship, and finally ignoring me for 3 days on calls and only to give me simple texts before the breakup, then there's nothing I could do. I just hope the fall doesn't break you when God knocks you off your pedestal that's apparently doing a balancing act on your high horse. I got the same speech from my ex as well. I was told, " you are such an amazing man. I am glad I went through all those bad guys who treated me horribly because they brought me to you. Our kids will have a great dad. " I was even shown wedding rings.
sorano Posted January 2, 2018 Posted January 2, 2018 (edited) Sounds like my generation and after of women. Almost every female wants to be an Instagram model that was coddled and told she was pretty one, two many times by relatives. Have to watch out for the ones that were on the heavy side and started to loose weight. what happens is, they start to get a little more attention from guys. They get more numbers, and are more attractive to "todays" standards. A once humble person, can turn into a disaster. Use people, serial date, you get the idea. Stay humble. Edited January 2, 2018 by sorano 1
throwaway2k17 Posted January 3, 2018 Posted January 3, 2018 Fighting the urge not to drink tonight. Only time i feel content about the girl i've suddenly fallen for moving away for good. Sobriety is cruel when your heart is breaking.
Beachead Posted January 3, 2018 Posted January 3, 2018 (edited) When my ex left to go back to her ex, I asked her why she told me she loved me. You know what she said? "I felt it at the time." ..it was only 2 weeks prior to that. "I felt it at the time.." Couldn't help but think about all the thing she said that begged to differ: "..It took him 4 years to do what you do for me everyday" "..where were you my whole life. Why couldn't I meet you 4 years ago" "..Trust me. Have faith" " ..I'm not in this for the fun. I'm in this for the long run" "..I think they'd really love this ride (Refering to our kids)" Wasn't the first time I got burned by someone saying a bunch of sh*t like this but I still shut my past down and treated her as her own person. Believed her. Thought she was worth it. And now because of that, "I love you" means nothing to me anymore and neither does anything that remotely sounds like the above. I can't even trust again so I can't be in a relationship again because I can't give 100% anymore. Sad really. Her actions largely backed up her words apart from 1 flag so I gave her the benefit of the doubt because I don't quit on someone I'm with just because something gets inconvenient. In fact, I don't get into anything unless I'm able to ask myself "Are you willing open up to this person and fight for them? You willing to sacrifice? Willing to take on their hurricane and face it with them?" and answer YES to all. I could destroy them by being a selfish, reckless a$$hat. I could go behind their back and date someone else. Use them as a backup plan. Neglect them and give them a half assed love. Tell them all kinds of sweet nothings but treat them like sh*t. I could do it. Just use and abuse the sh*t out of them and have a fantastically "Fun" life out of it. It's so easy. But the thing is, if I wanted to be free to roam around and do my thing..I could do it single. Here's the beauty of that..I wouldn't hurt ANYONE. What's the big deal? They got a life too. Family, friends who need them at their best. Studies and work that require their best. Their own selves that requires them to be at their best. A whole damn selfish world trying to break them down. What would happen to them when some person they trusted with their heart came along and screwed with them? Their whole life and everyone connected to them gets affected in the WORST of ways as it has with all of us here. We don't need convincing..we feel it. Been through it. We're facing it everyday. There is responsibility and accountability to this deal. That person chose us to support and be THE person to help them reach their best. By not doing that..we rob them of a better life they could have had. I don't know about anyone else but damaging another human being because of my own actions is something I can't live with. So maybe I take it back. Maybe my wish this year is to see more people out there be more mindful of their actions and the way it affects others and to treat them with respect instead of treating them like play things. Edited January 3, 2018 by Beachead 2
Jdoublenn Posted January 3, 2018 Posted January 3, 2018 I think it’s time to just let go...I just don’t think I’m strong enough to not go back again if I end it.. 1
Beachead Posted January 3, 2018 Posted January 3, 2018 I think it’s time to just let go...I just don’t think I’m strong enough to not go back again if I end it.. You might surprise yourself. 1
fieldoflavender Posted January 3, 2018 Posted January 3, 2018 Guys again actions >>>> words. I will never believe dumb words anymore. It's cute, but for those of us who have been burnt by beautiful words, why bother? Anyone can open their mouth and utter stuff, but to do stuff is a big deal. And to be there for the hard stuff in the LONG RUN is what it takes for a relationship to continue - not just a nice act here and pretty words here and there. I agree Logo, I regret meeting this person. I only remember him when times are bad. Because of everything associated with him is bad. 2
wishyouneverleft Posted January 3, 2018 Posted January 3, 2018 Guys again actions >>>> words. I will never believe dumb words anymore. It's cute, but for those of us who have been burnt by beautiful words, why bother? Anyone can open their mouth and utter stuff, but to do stuff is a big deal. And to be there for the hard stuff in the LONG RUN is what it takes for a relationship to continue - not just a nice act here and pretty words here and there. I agree Logo, I regret meeting this person. I only remember him when times are bad. Because of everything associated with him is bad. I agree with you here. So many words were said, and my intuition didn't even nudge, so I figured it was real. So disappointed in myself. The first woman I truly fall in love with and it was all smoke and mirrors. The F@#CKING MINUTE she had to do what I did for her so many times, just once, a trip, boarding a plane and go to a foreign land, she flakes. It pisses me off just remembering how she backpedaled on everything she said. Had she been honest up front things would have been different. I just hope she feels at least an 1/8 of what I feel. Just a little to know she knows she f#$ked up. 1
Beachead Posted January 3, 2018 Posted January 3, 2018 Guys again actions >>>> words. I will never believe dumb words anymore. It's cute, but for those of us who have been burnt by beautiful words, why bother? Anyone can open their mouth and utter stuff, but to do stuff is a big deal. And to be there for the hard stuff in the LONG RUN is what it takes for a relationship to continue - not just a nice act here and pretty words here and there. I agree Logo, I regret meeting this person. I only remember him when times are bad. Because of everything associated with him is bad. Definitely and I knew this. I even advised so many of my own friends to pay attention to the same thing. I had been through enough to know words were not enough but my ex was delivering. Calling, texting, coming over. Pitching in her fair share when we went out even though I didn't want her to. Buying me gifts. Listening. Pushing for me to meet her sister and family. Talking about the future and actively planning. Making me feel for the first time in my life, I was actually receiving the kind of love I always tried to give. Dare I say, I even felt like I needed to step it up. Because of that, I believed her. That's what really messed me up. When my previous ex about 2 years back broke up with me, I remember my friend telling me that it would take a girl who would really put herself out there and showed love through action to bring me back. But I rolled my eyes and blew it off cause I was done. I thought me feeling that way about someone again was impossible. Didn't date for 2 years. But she came along and did exactly what my friend told me someone would need to do and she was right. It brought me back. The little things I had wished someone had done for me, she did. I never asked her to. We weren't even dating at the time. Did all the right things except for that 1 flag that I wrote off. I can't even call it a mistake because at the time, I weighed it all out and made a decision and it seemed like the right decision..until it wasn't. There was absolutely no way of knowing until I knew. Despite all the wisdom I gained from my experiences and all the stringent tests I threw at her, she flew under the radar undetected and came out clean. Makes me feel like I know nothing. 2
wishyouneverleft Posted January 3, 2018 Posted January 3, 2018 Definitely and I knew this. I even advised so many of my own friends to pay attention to the same thing. I had been through enough to know words were not enough but my ex was delivering. Calling, texting, coming over. Pitching in her fair share when we went out even though I didn't want her to. Buying me gifts. Listening. Pushing for me to meet her sister and family. Talking about the future and actively planning. Making me feel for the first time in my life, I was actually receiving the kind of love I always tried to give. Dare I say, I even felt like I needed to step it up. Because of that, I believed her. That's what really messed me up. When my previous ex about 2 years back broke up with me, I remember my friend telling me that it would take a girl who would really put herself out there and showed love through action to bring me back. But I rolled my eyes and blew it off cause I was done. I thought me feeling that way about someone again was impossible. Didn't date for 2 years. But she came along and did exactly what my friend told me someone would need to do and she was right. It brought me back. The little things I had wished someone had done for me, she did. I never asked her to. We weren't even dating at the time. Did all the right things except for that 1 flag that I wrote off. I can't even call it a mistake because at the time, I weighed it all out and made a decision and it seemed like the right decision..until it wasn't. There was absolutely no way of knowing until I knew. Despite all the wisdom I gained from my experiences and all the stringent tests I threw at her, she flew under the radar undetected and came out clean. Makes me feel like I know nothing. There weren't any tests, but my intuition never failed me until now. My gut has gotten me out of life and death situations, and to fail to this woman is such a huge disappointment. You're not alone. 1
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