Chilli Posted December 30, 2017 Posted December 30, 2017 (edited) Even though I blocked my ex, and told my relative to tell her to leave me alone and respect my wishes to cease contact, deep down inside I wish she'd fight. I don't know what that would get me, I can't get with her. But at least I'd know she regretted her decision of dumping me. Problem is now then if you told your relatives that then no way she's gonna risk humiliation in contacting you or fighting even if she did regret it, l was that pissed off l said something , at times l said a lot of things but this particular something will pretty well guarantee she won't risk contacting me. Don't l wish l could take it back. Edited December 30, 2017 by Chilli
Jdoublenn Posted December 30, 2017 Posted December 30, 2017 Really f*cking annoyed I brought him all the way the Vegas Jody to be an a**hole about every little thing. F*CK 1
Jsos91 Posted December 30, 2017 Posted December 30, 2017 I haven’t posted in a while so I thought I’d get something down. I’m feeling pretty good, I went into a bit of a funk before Christmas but since then I’ve been doing well. Things are going well with my new girl and the ex hasn’t crossed the mind much, if at all. I did have a dream she was in last night.. she was in her new relationship but wanted to talk to me just about our relationship and everything that happened. It threw me off a bit because I haven’t thought of her much so I don’t know why I’d have a dream about her. The conversation in the dream hurt me a bit because it was almost as if I was having a closure talk with her without actually wanting to, we haven’t really spoken since the breakup. I don’t know if it’s just my mind creating how I predict the situation would go.
Beachead Posted December 30, 2017 Posted December 30, 2017 You know, it just hit me. All the women that have come and gone. Some flings. The relationships. The friends. Those that have ghosted me instantly or drifted away. There have been a lot. Far too many. And suddenly it hits me that she's there too. This girl I once shared my soul with is now just another girl who's moved on and to join this past of mine filled with dead faces. I'll never see her again. It wouldn't feel so exhausting if I hadn't loved both platonically/romantically, let go and moved on 100's of times for too many years. No wonder I feel so worn out. What is it about who I am and my life that makes my life so? I've tried to better myself everyday but it's always the same outcome isn't it. Can't do anything about it anymore and don't want to. I did my best and that's all I can do. If it isn't enough, then it isn't enough. The only time in my life I ever truly felt good about anything was when I shut the world out to work on myself and actually saw the fruits of my labor. There was always peace in it. Maybe the lesson for me is I wasn't meant to be with anyone at all. Maybe I'm a better friend or confidant than I am a partner. Maybe my path was to go after my dreams solo.
wishyouneverleft Posted December 30, 2017 Posted December 30, 2017 (edited) You know, it just hit me. All the women that have come and gone. Some flings. The relationships. The friends. Those that have ghosted me instantly or drifted away. There have been a lot. Far too many. And suddenly it hits me that she's there too. This girl I once shared my soul with is now just another girl who's moved on and to join this past of mine filled with dead faces. I'll never see her again. It wouldn't feel so exhausting if I hadn't loved both platonically/romantically, let go and moved on 100's of times for too many years. No wonder I feel so worn out. What is it about who I am and my life that makes my life so? I've tried to better myself everyday but it's always the same outcome isn't it. Can't do anything about it anymore and don't want to. I did my best and that's all I can do. If it isn't enough, then it isn't enough. The only time in my life I ever truly felt good about anything was when I shut the world out to work on myself and actually saw the fruits of my labor. There was always peace in it. Maybe the lesson for me is I wasn't meant to be with anyone at all. Maybe I'm a better friend or confidant than I am a partner. Maybe my path was to go after my dreams solo. And THAT my friend is where I am at as well. I do have a girl now, but if I didn't do that I wouldn't of been able to function after my ex left me. I was about to lose my company and the threats were there on email. It was the first time I ever did this or went through this. I'm a firm believer that the majority of women aren't able to stick it out with a man that has passions and aspirations that transcend society's norm of what success is. The 6 or 7 figures, flashy cars, multiple houses and being enslaved to a desk isn't my thing. I want more. The feeling I get with this girl is the same I had with the ones before my ex, I'm in this struggle alone. There's no partner in crime, someone that'll truly appreciate, understand what I'm going to achieve and both help each other out in our paths in life. This woman (my ex) completely threw away huge opportunities that I created for her to further her career after college. I did this because she complained she wasn't going to find work in her country, so I doubled down and put her needs first. Yes I feel petty revealing that, but I've never been compelled to help someone to that point of putting my dreams and passions aside. She made me feel she was my partner in crime, that was as ambitious and hungry as me. But in conclusion it's a 2018 solo ride when it comes to pursuing dreams. Edited December 30, 2017 by wishyouneverleft
Beachead Posted December 30, 2017 Posted December 30, 2017 And THAT my friend is where I am at as well. I do have a girl now, but if I didn't do that I wouldn't of been able to function after my ex left me. I was about to lose my company and the threats were there on email. It was the first time I ever did this or went through this. I'm a firm believer that the majority of women aren't able to stick it out with a man that has passions and aspirations that transcend society's norm of what success is. The 6 or 7 figures, flashy cars, multiple houses and being enslaved to a desk isn't my thing. I want more. The feeling I get with this girl is the same I had with the ones before my ex, I'm in this struggle alone. There's no partner in crime, someone that'll truly appreciate, understand what I'm going to achieve and both help each other out in our paths in life. This woman (my ex) completely threw away huge opportunities that I created for her to further her career after college. I did this because she complained she wasn't going to find work in her country, so I doubled down and put her needs first. Yes I feel petty revealing that, but I've never been compelled to help someone to that point of putting my dreams and passions aside. She made me feel she was my partner in crime, that was as ambitious and hungry as me. But in conclusion it's a 2018 solo ride when it comes to pursuing dreams. It most certainly will be. No, not petty. You loved her immensely. I loved my ex immensely. I long for her. Everything that could have been isn't because of some reason beyond my control. Everyone in this story got their way except me who suffered and lost. Today, I feel just as bad as I did the night she told me she was going back to him. And it is relentlessly punishing. Helpless, hopeless and overwhelmed.
wishyouneverleft Posted December 31, 2017 Posted December 31, 2017 Woke up feeling sad and missing her immensely. The reminders of her flight back home on the 2nd started coming up.
Beachead Posted December 31, 2017 Posted December 31, 2017 Alright, I'm done with this. I'm moving on and now is as good a time as any. I don't care if I ever hear from her again. Hoping. Wishing. Missing. Hurting. 5 months of this crap. Over what? An idiot who complained about her ex-idiot to me everyday only to go back to him and cut me out while knowing what she did with me and said to me? What a waste of life. I'm 31..I have no time for it. I deserve better. How does she sleep at night knowing what kind of a piece of sh*t she is? Must be some kind of superpower. Whatever it is, I'm out. She can do whatever it is she wants but she won't get to travel with me into 2018 and ruin this year for me also. Onto better things 7
flooded Posted December 31, 2017 Posted December 31, 2017 I have to echo beachead here. OF COURSE I am clinging to hope that my ex comes running back in tears, telling me he's made a massive mistake. But I *cannot* spend my days living in anticipation of a fantasy. I'm 32, divorcing, in the midst of a huge life transition, with two small kids. It's time to get my priorities in order. 1. Myself. My health, mental and physical, and well-being. Getting, and staying, organized and on top of my responsibilities. Physical, spiritual, and emotional wellness. 2. My kids. Protecting their innocence, creating a childhood that's fun, peaceful, and brimming with joy. Spending quality, focused time with hem and making sure they're engaged in activities that help them learn and grow. 3. Financial. Focusing on professional goals, focusing on maximizing income streams. Creating a strong professional network. Holding myself to a high standard and meeting, if not exceeding, that standard. 4. Social. Continuing to create a strong local community of like-minded friends and families. Engaging in pleasurable social events as an individual and with my children. The more I focus on my reality and what's in my midst (i.e. Not my ex) the less I think of him. By breaking up with me, he absolved us both of responsibility to the other. He even articulated to me that he could not accept my past (having been married, having children) and that we are not meant to be together. I shouldn't have any confusion. Time to move on. Next! 6
Cora Posted December 31, 2017 Posted December 31, 2017 I had the most vivid dream last night of the ex who ghosted me almost three years ago. We have not communicated since. Found out later he left me for another girl. I’ve moved on since then even though it took me a good two years to finally get him out of my system. However, dreams like these still have the power to shake me up a bit. In this dream he was proposing marriage to the girl he left me for. He’s been with her a long time now....much longer than we were ever together. I watched in sadness as he got down on one knee.....I could not tear my eyes away. As much as it hurt I kept watching. He asked her those four words. Her face filled with a mixture of shock and joy. She of course says yes as he puts the beautiful ring on her finger. Then they embrace each other in a passionate kiss. God it was so real!! I wake up realizing it was only a dream, but also realizing it’s a scenario that could very well happen at any moment. That perhaps I was just dreaming of the future. I wasn’t so much as sad...I’m ok. Just a tad shaken up. It was a little sting to my heart, I won’t lie. Not really because I miss him, but miss what could have been. Fearing that that will never be my reality. That I’ll never meet anyone to share a life with. The dream also brought me unresolved feelings of anger since he never provided me with any closure. He just left with no warning...no goodbye. That hurt more than anything. I had to find my own closure. I guess deep down it still kind of bothers me or else this dream wouldn’t have affected me like it did. I guess in my mind I can’t fathom just silently moving on to the next partner whe you’re done with the current one. I see things in black and white....there are supposed to be endings and beginnings. Not these grey areas of confusion and illusions. Questioning what’s real and what’s not. 1
Beachead Posted December 31, 2017 Posted December 31, 2017 (edited) I had the most vivid dream last night of the ex who ghosted me almost three years ago. We have not communicated since. Found out later he left me for another girl. I’ve moved on since then even though it took me a good two years to finally get him out of my system. However, dreams like these still have the power to shake me up a bit. In this dream he was proposing marriage to the girl he left me for. He’s been with her a long time now....much longer than we were ever together. I watched in sadness as he got down on one knee.....I could not tear my eyes away. As much as it hurt I kept watching. He asked her those four words. Her face filled with a mixture of shock and joy. She of course says yes as he puts the beautiful ring on her finger. Then they embrace each other in a passionate kiss. God it was so real!! I wake up realizing it was only a dream, but also realizing it’s a scenario that could very well happen at any moment. That perhaps I was just dreaming of the future. I wasn’t so much as sad...I’m ok. Just a tad shaken up. It was a little sting to my heart, I won’t lie. Not really because I miss him, but miss what could have been. Fearing that that will never be my reality. That I’ll never meet anyone to share a life with. The dream also brought me unresolved feelings of anger since he never provided me with any closure. He just left with no warning...no goodbye. That hurt more than anything. I had to find my own closure. I guess deep down it still kind of bothers me or else this dream wouldn’t have affected me like it did. I guess in my mind I can’t fathom just silently moving on to the next partner whe you’re done with the current one. I see things in black and white....there are supposed to be endings and beginnings. Not these grey areas of confusion and illusions. Questioning what’s real and what’s not. I know the feeling because that was my fear as well. My ex went back to her ex after we broke up 5 months ago. Despite everyone's doubts, they appear to be doing well. I know he wanted to propose to her and I recall the way she spoke about him and how he spoke about her. There's enough of love and stubborness there to beat the odds. Sad to say, I have such a strong faith my tragically ending relationships that it gives me faith in them getting married because any other outcome would be unusual in my life. I just don't care anymore. Let the storm come. I'll pitch a tent and ride it out because I also have faith in my ability to get through the toughest circumstances be it broken or stronger. Edited December 31, 2017 by Beachead 4
sorano Posted December 31, 2017 Posted December 31, 2017 Drinking a cappuccino, watching some fishing video's, keeping cozy in a warm house. Happy new year and hopefully a pain free night. 6
Jimmy3858 Posted January 1, 2018 Posted January 1, 2018 I’m doing awesome today. Woke up thinking about my future and how someone amazing will come into my life, because my ex didn’t deserve me. Also working on my financial goals for 2018, being a stronger man not only physically but mentally. Getting back into the gym was a HUGE help, that dopamine rush after a workout is such a good feeling. My love bombing ex will no longer control my feelings, you can stay in 2017 where you belong lol. 6
Cora Posted January 1, 2018 Posted January 1, 2018 I know the feeling because that was my fear as well. My ex went back to her ex after we broke up 5 months ago. Despite everyone's doubts, they appear to be doing well. I know he wanted to propose to her and I recall the way she spoke about him and how he spoke about her. There's enough of love and stubborness there to beat the odds. Sad to say, I have such a strong faith my tragically ending relationships that it gives me faith in them getting married because any other outcome would be unusual in my life. I just don't care anymore. Let the storm come. I'll pitch a tent and ride it out because I also have faith in my ability to get through the toughest circumstances be it broken or stronger. I feel you. I have been doing a lot of soul searching and trying to come to peace with reality. That my dreams of finding “my one”, getting married and starting a family may never come true. At 35 I’m ready to give up on love and close off my heart. I’m just tired of the pain...of the same old unhappy endings. I am going to find my happiness in being single. Enjoying life and time spent with friends and family. I am ready to close this chapter on love and romance in my life for good. On this NYE night I’m making a wish that 2018 will be filled with less pain and heartache. Shouldn’t be an issue now that my search for love is over. 4
Jimmy3858 Posted January 1, 2018 Posted January 1, 2018 I feel you. I have been doing a lot of soul searching and trying to come to peace with reality. That my dreams of finding “my one”, getting married and starting a family may never come true. At 35 I’m ready to give up on love and close off my heart. I’m just tired of the pain...of the same old unhappy endings. I am going to find my happiness in being single. Enjoying life and time spent with friends and family. I am ready to close this chapter on love and romance in my life for good. On this NYE night I’m making a wish that 2018 will be filled with less pain and heartache. Shouldn’t be an issue now that my search for love is over. Thats rough. I'm 29 and I have the same thoughts sometimes. I hope that you find peace and not all the heart break that has been happening in your life. 2
Cora Posted January 1, 2018 Posted January 1, 2018 Thats rough. I'm 29 and I have the same thoughts sometimes. I hope that you find peace and not all the heart break that has been happening in your life. Thanks! Same to you. 1
Beachead Posted January 1, 2018 Posted January 1, 2018 (edited) I feel you. I have been doing a lot of soul searching and trying to come to peace with reality. That my dreams of finding “my one”, getting married and starting a family may never come true. At 35 I’m ready to give up on love and close off my heart. I’m just tired of the pain...of the same old unhappy endings. I am going to find my happiness in being single. Enjoying life and time spent with friends and family. I am ready to close this chapter on love and romance in my life for good. On this NYE night I’m making a wish that 2018 will be filled with less pain and heartache. Shouldn’t be an issue now that my search for love is over. Me too. I had to make peace with reality. Between the right time and the right moment and making sure I am financially/emotionally ready plus all the variables out of my control that being with a partner can bring, I don't see this happening for me. I think that's a good wish for 2018. My search is over as well so it shouldn't be an issue either. Edited January 1, 2018 by Beachead 1
Cora Posted January 1, 2018 Posted January 1, 2018 Me too. I had to make peace with a lot of difficult realities. Between the right time and the right moment and making sure I am financially/emotionally ready plus all the variables out of my control that being with a partner can bring, I don't see how things can be different. I think that's a good wish for 2018. My search is over as well so it shouldn't be an issue either. Wishing you luck! Happy new year to you. May it bring you much peace and happiness. 1
Beachead Posted January 1, 2018 Posted January 1, 2018 Wishing you luck! Happy new year to you. May it bring you much peace and happiness. Same to you and for everyone here! I truly hope this year grants us the strength we all need to conquer our adversity and pull through. 2
Logo Posted January 1, 2018 Posted January 1, 2018 I figured it out. A lot of women, a disproportionate number of them, in the state where I live are just nasty opportunists. They’re rude, self-entitled, selfish to the point of narcissism, and self absorbed. It seems to be a demographic anomaly. 2
wishyouneverleft Posted January 1, 2018 Posted January 1, 2018 Thoughts just cross my head that she will one day get married. She will freely roam the earth without a single ounce of guilt of what she did to me and the ones before, and possibly the ones after. She took away the one thing that made me feel like I'm finally not in this alone.
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted January 1, 2018 Posted January 1, 2018 Not coping well today. Just completed my invoice for December, to get paid, and it's barely enough to cover my mortgage, which means all other bills will go on my ever growing credit card accounts . Really struggling with resentment toward my one and only client/employer right now, which is a famil member. Also getting a much needed kick in the pants to get my resume together and move on from working for family because I'm continually getting screwed by them .
Gr8fuln2020 Posted January 1, 2018 Posted January 1, 2018 Not coping well today. Just completed my invoice for December, to get paid, and it's barely enough to cover my mortgage, which means all other bills will go on my ever growing credit card accounts . Really struggling with resentment toward my one and only client/employer right now, which is a famil member. Also getting a much needed kick in the pants to get my resume together and move on from working for family because I'm continually getting screwed by them . Good grief. So sorry to hear that. Family is often a bastion of support, but goodness knows, they are some times the worst. Family seem to think that inconveniencing their own kin is not so bad. Ugh. Yeah, get that resume going and keep up your spirits. 1
Gr8fuln2020 Posted January 1, 2018 Posted January 1, 2018 Thoughts just cross my head that she will one day get married. She will freely roam the earth without a single ounce of guilt of what she did to me and the ones before, and possibly the ones after. She took away the one thing that made me feel like I'm finally not in this alone. Try not to take on those things that you have no control over. I'm learning to do the same thing. I have joined activity groups and in therapy to help me out with this. I also speak to my dearest friends. Don't take on such a burden, a burden you do not deserve. Good luck.
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