wishyouneverleft Posted December 27, 2017 Posted December 27, 2017 Different stages in life. You're at a place where you've been there and done that and you're cool to settle with a woman at this point. There may be only a handful of girls at 22 that may be ready to settle down in today's day and age if even. They're still relatively inexperienced. Still got that "Partying/Freedom" mentality in their head. Still assessing her taste in men/women and isn't looking to settle down. They can put on a good act until the immaturity bleeds through. This is who she is. She entertained herself with the idea of a future because she did like you and it was fun and out of reach at the time. That changed when it got serious because she was forced to assess herself seriously. She's got a lot of growing up to do. Thanks, it is true. Yet still after all this B.S, I still miss her.
fieldoflavender Posted December 27, 2017 Posted December 27, 2017 Who is annoyed you keep running into pieces and bits of them physically? Like gifts they gave your parents and stupidness like that? I just tore up a Christmas card from last year. I'm trying to find this art piece that he gave me but I can't even find it to throw it away. What a shame. I went on a shopping spree and now I'm about 99% rid of him. I told my dad to delete all his pics from his phone and camera too. Who still keeps memories? I mean if it was somewhat amicable, then fine. But if they were an utter jerk, then I don't want a single trace of them. It's just a reminder of what a bad judgement I made for almost a year of my life. Time that I can never get back - hurt that will always scar me, embarrassment/shame I will never get rid of. Again so freaking hard to find quality people anymore.
Jdoublenn Posted December 27, 2017 Posted December 27, 2017 Thanks, it is true. Yet still after all this B.S, I still miss her. Are you still with your same gf? (Former ex-less butterflies, more safety) how’s that going?
Beachead Posted December 27, 2017 Posted December 27, 2017 (edited) Who is annoyed you keep running into pieces and bits of them physically? Like gifts they gave your parents and stupidness like that? I just tore up a Christmas card from last year. I'm trying to find this art piece that he gave me but I can't even find it to throw it away. What a shame. I went on a shopping spree and now I'm about 99% rid of him. I told my dad to delete all his pics from his phone and camera too. Who still keeps memories? I mean if it was somewhat amicable, then fine. But if they were an utter jerk, then I don't want a single trace of them. It's just a reminder of what a bad judgement I made for almost a year of my life. Time that I can never get back - hurt that will always scar me, embarrassment/shame I will never get rid of. Again so freaking hard to find quality people anymore. It is hard. Hard when society is jammed with self-serving, self-centered people who don't care to take responsibility for their actions or be accountable for the damage they cause. They get into relationships for god knows what reason, lie to themselves, lie to their partners, have one foot out the door the whole time and then it all blows up in their face. It's always the people who were genuine and good that get burned and turned by the pain and damage they've caused. If you are NOT mature enough to understand that in a relationship, you are not only responsible for your own feelings, but your partners as well because that person is investing in a future with you and placed their heart in your hands....then stay single. Just learn to be cool on your own. You can do whatever you want then. But people don't do that..do they? I deleted all my pics of my ex and me. Threw everything she gave me into the garbage and gave it the middle finger. She convinced me loved me and then ran back to her ex and cut me out and it's supposed to be fine and dandy. I'm not keeping memories of someone who did that. No thanks. Edited December 27, 2017 by Beachead 4
Beachead Posted December 27, 2017 Posted December 27, 2017 It's true what they say about the holidays when you are trying to heal from a breakup. It's tough. I'm feeling a lot of anger/resentment for my situation lately. 3
CantTakeMySmile Posted December 27, 2017 Posted December 27, 2017 Some days are better than others... today is not the best. Oh well.
fieldoflavender Posted December 27, 2017 Posted December 27, 2017 Yeah you get reminders everywhere you go, couples everywhere, family bugging you about marital status, and we aren't getting any younger, and people are being taken left right and centre. As a female, it's worse because in your 30's, every year counts, and when people rob you of your prime years not sure what they want and what they can provide for a family (I.e. being an independent man who isn't going to run to bank of mommy and daddy when times are tough) then yeahhhhh.....slightly sucks. I wish I could say I am waiting for the right time, I'm not worried, but f- that I am worried, I'm not getting younger, and I would like a family, and I just wasted a WHOLE YEAR on a useless person who gave me nothing but shame, embarrassment, hurt, and waste of my prime years. Wonderful right.
Beachead Posted December 27, 2017 Posted December 27, 2017 Yeah you get reminders everywhere you go, couples everywhere, family bugging you about marital status, and we aren't getting any younger, and people are being taken left right and centre. As a female, it's worse because in your 30's, every year counts, and when people rob you of your prime years not sure what they want and what they can provide for a family (I.e. being an independent man who isn't going to run to bank of mommy and daddy when times are tough) then yeahhhhh.....slightly sucks. I wish I could say I am waiting for the right time, I'm not worried, but f- that I am worried, I'm not getting younger, and I would like a family, and I just wasted a WHOLE YEAR on a useless person who gave me nothing but shame, embarrassment, hurt, and waste of my prime years. Wonderful right. Yep. You said it. You'll be alright though. You're keeping it real with yourself which is exactly what you need to be doing to heal and you know what you want in a boyfriend. I see you finding someone new and better with time. 1
wishyouneverleft Posted December 27, 2017 Posted December 27, 2017 Are you still with your same gf? (Former ex-less butterflies, more safety) how’s that going? Yeah, its going interesting. Issues with the kid's father are still there, the fact I realize she doesn't really understand what it is to pursue a career is still there, among other issues. My therapist pointed certain things out about me to improve the relationship, but without her effort and also seeking help, it feels like a leaky boat. But I don't mind riding it out, she saved me from me going to a very dark place because of my ex. I honestly didn't know how to go on with life after she left me. Where ever this goes, this is my last relationship; I just want to focus on my career, be successful, be with family, and give back to society. 4
wishyouneverleft Posted December 27, 2017 Posted December 27, 2017 It is hard. Hard when society is jammed with self-serving, self-centered people who don't care to take responsibility for their actions or be accountable for the damage they cause. They get into relationships for god knows what reason, lie to themselves, lie to their partners, have one foot out the door the whole time and then it all blows up in their face. It's always the people who were genuine and good that get burned and turned by the pain and damage they've caused. If you are NOT mature enough to understand that in a relationship, you are not only responsible for your own feelings, but your partners as well because that person is investing in a future with you and placed their heart in your hands....then stay single. Just learn to be cool on your own. You can do whatever you want then. But people don't do that..do they? I deleted all my pics of my ex and me. Threw everything she gave me into the garbage and gave it the middle finger. She convinced me loved me and then ran back to her ex and cut me out and it's supposed to be fine and dandy. I'm not keeping memories of someone who did that. No thanks. Very few people understand what commitment is anymore. True devotion as well. But it isn't that hard to see nowadays this epidemic, you can see it how most people now carry on with their lives, careers, life choices, and yes, relationships. As soon as it gets unbearable, the feeling of the struggle or the inconvenience triggers adolescent behavior and they flee to their comfort zone. Its sad, but I'll be damned if I chase after a woman that will keep trying to quit as soon as the going gets tough or she has GIGS. 2
heartbrokenlady Posted December 27, 2017 Posted December 27, 2017 It's true what they say about the holidays when you are trying to heal from a breakup. It's tough. I'm feeling a lot of anger/resentment for my situation lately. Exactly. But I'm trying to build the anger. It's better than utter despair. If I had a gun, I'd mow him down. Or I like to imagine I would. And his asinine family.
Beachead Posted December 27, 2017 Posted December 27, 2017 Very few people understand what commitment is anymore. True devotion as well. But it isn't that hard to see nowadays this epidemic, you can see it how most people now carry on with their lives, careers, life choices, and yes, relationships. As soon as it gets unbearable, the feeling of the struggle or the inconvenience triggers adolescent behavior and they flee to their comfort zone. Its sad, but I'll be damned if I chase after a woman that will keep trying to quit as soon as the going gets tough or she has GIGS. ..just like my ex fled to her comfort zone as soon as something different came into her life. I'm not chasing either. I loved her, she knows it and was cool with sacrificing me. That's the end of our bond in this lifetime.
Broken183 Posted December 27, 2017 Posted December 27, 2017 I knew the holidays would be difficult, and they're here and they are simultaneously more difficult and less difficult than I expected them to be. I burned all the artwork he made me for me. I found a print he made for me when we very first started dating and was mostly annoyed that I had missed it. It was surprisingly easy to recycle. He still follows me on Instagram and checks my story. Rationally I know it means absolutely nothing at all and yet with all of this time on my hands I keep trying to read into it and I need to stop. I've changed a lot. I know for sure I wouldn't make the same mistakes I made because I've made the changes in my other platonic and familial relationships. I was always so passive, anxious about making decisions, but I'm not really like that anymore. I've got a lot of work left to do on myself, but I can confidently say I've grown and changed for the good. And I just have to keep reminding myself that he told me in his letter to me that he doesn't feel he can or needs to change. That he knows what his issues are but isn't sure he is ready or will ever be ready to change that part of himself. And that is the ultimate flaw. He has an opportunity for self improvement and to improve his future relationships, but he's too afraid to work through what's stunting his emotional growth and intelligence. And so again, that is the ultimate flaw. And that's not something you can "put up with" for your entire life, like slurping soup. It's a flaw in character. And he was so good to me in so many ways. And I'm still half convinced I won't ever find someone even remotely like him, or find someone at all. But someone who can't self-reflect and put in the effort to improve themselves...I don't think that's any better.
Beachead Posted December 28, 2017 Posted December 28, 2017 (edited) Exactly. But I'm trying to build the anger. It's better than utter despair. If I had a gun, I'd mow him down. Or I like to imagine I would. And his asinine family. I agree. Anger is a far more useful emotion to help cope than sadness/despair in regards to motivating us to get things done. Especially in the beginning. Personally, I admit I want nothing more than to see my exes self-serving nature backfire on her. I want to see her and her ex come to a embarrassing end. She certainly deserves that happening to her. But, knowing how life works, she'll probably marry this guy and live happily ever after. Edited December 28, 2017 by Beachead 1
throwaway2k17 Posted December 29, 2017 Posted December 29, 2017 Just not doing well. Barely know the girl im stressing over but the thought of her moving back home in a week and leaving my life for good is torture. Why did those 5 or so dates have to be so intimate? Why did i have to meet you. I was doing so well until you came along and made me feel again. I'd rather be numb.
fieldoflavender Posted December 29, 2017 Posted December 29, 2017 I agree. Anger is a far more useful emotion to help cope than sadness/despair in regards to motivating us to get things done. Especially in the beginning. Personally, I admit I want nothing more than to see my exes self-serving nature backfire on her. I want to see her and her ex come to a embarrassing end. She certainly deserves that happening to her. But, knowing how life works, she'll probably marry this guy and live happily ever after. Yeah if people got what they deserved, then there wouldn't be so much misery in this world. I'm kind of done being "nice" - I won't be a terrible person, but I'm not being a pushover anymore. I find anger is not helpful at my current stage - 6 months out. I need to move on, but every time I think about what a crappy situation I am in, I'm really angry. How does one even get back their innocence at believing in love, building trust in people, etc? Then again I don't think I want to be that dumb ever again.
wishyouneverleft Posted December 29, 2017 Posted December 29, 2017 Yeah if people got what they deserved, then there wouldn't be so much misery in this world. I'm kind of done being "nice" - I won't be a terrible person, but I'm not being a pushover anymore. I find anger is not helpful at my current stage - 6 months out. I need to move on, but every time I think about what a crappy situation I am in, I'm really angry. How does one even get back their innocence at believing in love, building trust in people, etc? Then again I don't think I want to be that dumb ever again. To be honest, its never to late. I know the older you get the smaller that window feels thanks to society's norms, but I've seen 40, 50, even 60 year olds find their true love. If you're still searching for love, don't be jaded because of the idiots in this world. You sound like a nice person. Simply self reflect and possibly get an outside opinion from spiritual leaders, a therapist, or a friend in regards to self improvement. Compassion without wisdom only creates kind hearted fools. Though I am a ball of emotions and sometimes ill desires when it comes to my ex, I'm very well aware it was my karma that got me to this point. I've worked hard on changing and making amends for past sins, but it seems my debt to society isn't paid off. 1
flooded Posted December 29, 2017 Posted December 29, 2017 Coping. Hmm. Just trying to handle my responsibilities and do some more reflection before getting my kids back today. Then it's going to be madness again! I'm trying to focus on the negative in my ex and in our relationship instead of idealizing him. I'm also looking forward to receiving the next text or call that I won't answer or respond to, because then I'll know he's thinking about me. Sadistic and unproductive? Perhaps.
wishyouneverleft Posted December 29, 2017 Posted December 29, 2017 Random vivid memories come up. Saw a woman smile a couple of days ago and it reminded me of hers. Just going through the course, couple of tears in the shower yesterday. She pops into my head when I least expected.
Beachead Posted December 29, 2017 Posted December 29, 2017 (edited) Yeah if people got what they deserved, then there wouldn't be so much misery in this world. I'm kind of done being "nice" - I won't be a terrible person, but I'm not being a pushover anymore. I find anger is not helpful at my current stage - 6 months out. I need to move on, but every time I think about what a crappy situation I am in, I'm really angry. How does one even get back their innocence at believing in love, building trust in people, etc? Then again I don't think I want to be that dumb ever again. I don't think you were dumb at all Fieldoflavender. You did what you were supposed to do and what was required in order for you to have a healthy relationship. She failed you is all. Love is a risk (Far more so today for reasons me you an wishyouneverleft discussed). You took that risk..it didn't pan out. Whether with her or the next..we will always have to take that leap of faith. I don't really see any other way to love someone but to believe in them and extend that trust. If we remain closed off and unlovable, how great a relationship will it really be? Having said that, I don't really feel like I have it in me to do this kind of thing again. And I'm truly not looking forward to valentines day either. I want to believe what you told me about my ex and her relationship having less than a 50/50 chance of succeeding but I have this feeling they'll get engaged around Valentines Day. He was planning to propose to her before she met me. Referred to her as "His Life." She went back to him. She threw me away like a piece of trash to make it work with him. Both of them are going all in and I have been made to feel long forgotten. I'm getting through my days okay but all those thougths and feelings are still there. Maybe them getting engaged will be the best thing that happens for me given I'll have no choice but to move on. Who knows. If I ever get passed it, I'm remain single for an indefinite period of time if not for the rest of my life. I think there's a limit for how much we can take. Beyond that point, we just won't recover. Then it becomes about looking for other source of happiness in life because your soul just can't take losing someone again. Edited December 29, 2017 by Beachead 1
Beachead Posted December 29, 2017 Posted December 29, 2017 (edited) Random vivid memories come up. Saw a woman smile a couple of days ago and it reminded me of hers. Just going through the course, couple of tears in the shower yesterday. She pops into my head when I least expected. Same man. It's been exceptionally tough. I'm trying to focus more on the negative with her than the positive but it's a constant conflict between missing/wanting her back and resenting her. Moreover, it's the fact there is nothing I can do to change any of it except try my best to carry on. Realistically, even though I will get back on my feet, I don't really see 2018 being the year I move passed this. It'll be 2019. Edited December 29, 2017 by Beachead 1
heartbrokenlady Posted December 29, 2017 Posted December 29, 2017 I miss him so much. His email a couple of days ago made the longing more intense. Emailed him asking him not to get in touch again and now, like a f*****g idiot, I'm waiting for a reply and fighting the urge not to contact him again. This is hell. 2
Chilli Posted December 30, 2017 Posted December 30, 2017 Must admit l'm pretty surprised l haven't heard from her. We both live alone but she is completely on her own in a new state. only knows one friend there but she lives 3hours away. Don''t ya just wanna hear there voice again sometimes , talk .
wishyouneverleft Posted December 30, 2017 Posted December 30, 2017 I miss him so much. His email a couple of days ago made the longing more intense. Emailed him asking him not to get in touch again and now, like a f*****g idiot, I'm waiting for a reply and fighting the urge not to contact him again. This is hell. Even though I blocked my ex, and told my relative to tell her to leave me alone and respect my wishes to cease contact, deep down inside I wish she'd fight. I don't know what that would get me, I can't get with her. But at least I'd know she regretted her decision of dumping me.
wishyouneverleft Posted December 30, 2017 Posted December 30, 2017 "Oh, take your time, don't live too fast Troubles will come and they will pass You'll find a woman and you'll find love And don't forget, son, there is someone up above"... ...for some reason I'm finding solace in his words. 1
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