How are you coping today?

[wishyouneverleft]

Randomly I started to feel a deeper feeling of loss since this Saturday. My mind is playing games with me and thoughts of her finally moving on with someone else or sleeping with that person is being equated with this feeling. Like its really over.

[Jdoublenn]

Scared that as much as I hope we can, it may be impossible to overcome the dramatic mess we left in our past. Whenever my brain thinks about it I start to resent him again as well as feel embarrassed for myself and how i possibly let it go that far... But i love him and am so excited to see him in a few days... Im just way too good at overthinking. :/

[trustyourself]

I feel strangely at peace with everything today. I know it will probably change again, and I still think of her, but maybe I am finally coming to terms with it all. I actually find myself hoping she finds happiness with her new guy. It’s only taken me a year to get to this point

 

It was her birthday on Saturday, and maybe something is clicking in my head and it’s time to make myself happy.

 

Christmas is hard, as I do t have any family near, and all my friends are away visiting family etc. I will try not to let it get me down.

[Beachead]

Hey Beached, as I mentioned on another thread, you and I are on opposite sides of the heartbreak coin- I would be the ex in your story, and you would be the new guy that my ex is currently with.

 

Because of this perspective, I can give you the other guys angle. Although I'm angry and I miss her like hell. I would not be comfortable with my ex returning after having used her full range of feminine charms on someone else. I mean the sex, the sweet talk about the future, the cooking, the gifts.

 

If she turned up at my door crying and full of regrets, I can predict that I am currently irrational enough that I would take her back- but at the end of the day, shes been gone too long, too much has happened, and what she has done feels basically unforgivable.

 

So if her ex is anything like me, you can take some solace in the fact that they must split up, again. I give them much less than a 50/50 chance.

 

Also- I have thought much the same thing as yourself about the commodification of relationships in a post-capitalist society. Our traditional and/or biological nature is to bond for life, and yet we have somehow arrived at a place where people are constantly shopping for something better, and partners are discarded for the flimsiest of reasons. People are traded up or traded in like old cars, like objects with no feelings.

 

I feel like a dog who has been left by the side of the road, while his family drives away happy and laughing to find another dog. I may have sat there pining and howling for 3 months, but unlike a dog I'm not going to be wagging my tail and pleased if see my 'owner' return- I recognize her horrific betrayal, and I would probably growl and bite[/Quote]

 

 

Thank you for your insight FeverofLove. You know, quite a few people have actually been telling me that my ex and her ex are unlikely to last. My ex and her ex are about 4 months into their relationship since they got back together so I wish I felt still felt confident to agree. Seems like they are surviving and thriving.

 

You summed it up very nicely. The commodification of relationships in a post-capitalist society. That's exactly what's become. It's a symptom of an ill environment. I see examples of it all of the place and I see how it impacts the people closest to me, here on Loveshack, and myself.

 

Keep taking care of yourself. All that love you showed her, give it back to you. I can't say if she'll come back or even reach out to you again but if she ever does, you'd want to be in a far healthier state of mind because that's when you'll naturally be your charming self again. You won't have to pretend. And even if she doesn't come back, someone new will walk on into your life and see it. Emotionally independant. Strong. Feeling good. That's what we want to aim for. Feeling like that will ready us for anything. We won't have to pretend to be that because we are that. The only thing that's worse than what we're feeling right now is to wake up one day and realize our whole life passed us by because we spent our better years grieving people who did us like this.

Edited December 19, 2017 by Beachead

[Beachead]

Hey at least your ex's had the guts to dump you. My tried to break up - and I met with him face to face and he took it back. And then 1 hour later, called me to break up with me. Then ran away when I was moving out. I think that's worse. At least they didn't stage some bull**** "Oh let's build a future together again"....OR NOT after 60 minutes.

 

I think I should nominate him for an Oscar.

 

Well then he'll get to meet my ex at the show since I've already nominated mine.

 

Breaking up was hard for him that's why. He's probably wondering if he made the right decision. He feels guilt. He knows he hurt a good person and has caused her suffering for an indefinite period of time. He's basically confused. But it's always better to just leave if they are because if everything you two have been through together wasn't enough to make them want you wholeheartedly, they don't really want you. That's the way I see it. Sometimes black and white is good. Keeps things simple.

Edited December 19, 2017 by Beachead

[HiCrunchy]

I got drunk and cried in my bed. Not well I guess.

Drunk called a friend and said I want to die.

I’ll have to clean that up later sigh

[Logo]

I’m done with relationships. So much effort since the breakup and nothing, zero, zilch to show for it. And on top of all that, my last 2 relationships had ended badly, leaving me picking up the emotional pieces. I’m content being alone. Push comes to shove I’ll just rub one off every once in a while and life goes on. That’s it. **** this whole thing called partnership or relationship. Every normal eligible female my age has already been married or has children.

 

The proverbial ship has sailed. It’s time to be realistic and admit that romance like that in the movies is just that, fiction. Perhaps it exists, but for one reason or another it’s not in the cards, just wasn’t meant to be.

 

I don’t even feel like going to any New Years Eve party. Might just stay at home and watch Netflix.

[Beachead]

I’m done with relationships. So much effort since the breakup and nothing, zero, zilch to show for it. And on top of all that, my last 2 relationships had ended badly, leaving me picking up the emotional pieces. I’m content being alone. Push comes to shove I’ll just rub one off every once in a while and life goes on. That’s it. **** this whole thing called partnership or relationship. Every normal eligible female my age has already been married or has children.

 

The proverbial ship has sailed. It’s time to be realistic and admit that romance like that in the movies is just that, fiction. Perhaps it exists, but for one reason or another it’s not in the cards, just wasn’t meant to be.

 

I don’t even feel like going to any New Years Eve party. Might just stay at home and watch Netflix.

 

I feel exactly the same way as you. 3 relationships. All of them ended. Yes I learned a lot from the experiences and their failures but "Learning from failure" wasn't the reason why I got into any of them. I was hoping for a life long partner. Companionship. Someone who genuinely cared. But, here I am, alone. It wasn't in the cards for me either. And what irritates me more is hearing my friends giving me advice on how to feel about it or how to handle it when they've fortunate to have one person stick with them for 4+ years. Some are married. Some engaged. None of which struggled alone for very long. So what do they know about how I feel? I'm not going out anywhere for these holidays either. Just going to stay in with family.

 

Solitude feels better.

Edited December 19, 2017 by Beachead

[Fever of love]

I feel exactly the same way as you. 3 relationships. All of them ended. Yes I learned a lot from the experiences and their failures but "Learning from failure" wasn't the reason why I got into any of them. I was hoping for a life long partner. Companionship. Someone who genuinely cared. But, here I am, alone. It wasn't in the cards for me either. And what irritates me more is hearing my friends giving me advice on how to feel about it or how to handle it when they've fortunate to have one person stick with them for 4+ years. Some are married. Some engaged. None of which struggled alone for very long. So what do they know about how I feel? I'm not going out anywhere for these holidays either. Just going to stay in with family.

 

Solitude feels better.

 

Count me 3. I'm probably in a different age bracket and different circumstances from you gents- I'm 51 years old, and grieving the loss of a 22 year relationship. I did think I had met my lifelong companion, and we have buried parents and beloved pets together, and always been there for one another through the ups and downs of life.

 

Losing that companionship, suddenly and with no real explanation, is a whole new level of hurt. I had no idea the human condition could contain such pain and anguish. I really had no idea that 'heartbreak' is real phenomena, which pins you to the floor and destroys your ability to function.

 

At my age, 'love of my life' means something quite different from what it would to a teenage girl. I plain don't have the time, energy, or inclination to build up what it took us 22 years to achieve, in terms of intimacy, shared language and experiences, and understanding of your partner.

 

And then to face the possibility of going through heartbreak again in my 60s or 70s? It would kill me. The elevated cortisol levels for extended periods of time, combined with the all-too-familiar heart-pounding panic, is extremely unhealthy, and I have developed a real aversion to ever returning to that personal hell.

 

I'd rather be alone.

 

And walk the earth like Kung-Fu

Edited December 19, 2017 by Fever of love

[Fever of love]

I got drunk and cried in my bed. Not well I guess.

Drunk called a friend and said I want to die.

I’ll have to clean that up later sigh

 

Don't worry Crunchy one day you and your friend will laugh about this.

[Beachead]

Count me 3. I'm probably in a different age bracket and different circumstances from you gents- I'm 51 years old, and grieving the loss of a 22 year relationship. I did think I had met my lifelong companion, and we have buried parents and beloved pets together, and always been there for one another through the ups and downs of life.

 

Losing that companionship, suddenly and with no real explanation, is a whole new level of hurt. I had no idea the human condition could contain such pain and anguish. I really had no idea that 'heartbreak' is real phenomena, which pins you to the floor and destroys your ability to function.

 

At my age, 'love of my life' means something quite different from what it would to a teenage girl. I plain don't have the time, energy, or inclination to build up what it took us 22 years to achieve, in terms of intimacy, shared language and experiences, and understanding of your partner.

 

And then to face the possibility of going through heartbreak again in my 60s or 70s? It would kill me. The elevated cortisol levels for extended periods of time, combined with the all-too-familiar heart-pounding panic, is extremely unhealthy, and I have developed a real aversion to ever returning to that personal hell.

 

I'd rather be alone.

 

And walk the earth like Kung-Fu

 

I like that. Walk the earth like Kung Fu. I think I'll steal that quote for myself.

 

But yea, neither did I until around my second break up about 2 and a half years back. It felt like someone had laid a building on my chest and my heart was actually hurting. I was too fatigued to do anything or thing about anything so I just lay in bed all day. Slept, ate very little, watched a move maybe. I lost a good 10 pounds. And the damage it did to my physically I never reallly recovered from which I realized when I got into this relationship and I would get crippling anxiety. That never used to happen. Something in me has broken both physically/mentally. It really isn't healthy.

 

The one and only thought now that brings me some hope and joy is the idea of immersing myself in my passions.

[CantTakeMySmile]

Coping...

 

 

I am. Meaning, I am not engaging with her and trying to move on. I have been able to decrease the thoughts when I wake up at night thinking about her. Not completely gone, but enough so I can return to sleep, most the time.

 

 

Coping... what is it I have to cope, when she is probably merry on her way. If I think of that thought too often, I go down a dark rabbit hole.

 

 

She didn't chose me... and on top of it, she couldn't even TELL me that she wasn't choosing me.

 

 

Whatever... yes, I am coping by making small steps with my thinking processes. I am making everyone's Christmas presents and I know that will bring me joy to give them to them. It is keeping me super busy. Going to remodel a room soon. So... yeah.. busy... busy, busy, busy ...just to COPE.

 

 

Ready for happy... not getting by.

[fieldoflavender]

Well then he'll get to meet my ex at the show since I've already nominated mine.

 

Breaking up was hard for him that's why. He's probably wondering if he made the right decision. He feels guilt. He knows he hurt a good person and has caused her suffering for an indefinite period of time. He's basically confused. But it's always better to just leave if they are because if everything you two have been through together wasn't enough to make them want you wholeheartedly, they don't really want you. That's the way I see it. Sometimes black and white is good. Keeps things simple.

 

I doubt he feels guilty. People who feel guilt don't actually go ahead and break up in a nasty and hurtful way and get their family to ridicule and insult your ex-fiance. No it's cowardly revenge. At least be a man and say it to my face instead of running away to a different city.

 

I know it's letting the evil ex's win by being scared of being in another relationship but I get Logo - I feel the same way. I really like this guy friend right now, but I can't go for it - I just get flashbacks of my terrible break-up and how I was played for a fool by my heartless ex. And I question why I would ever want to go through that again.

[divegrl]

Pain

 

Loneliness. The feeelings of being alone again. Scared. Heaviness. Unease. Anxiety.

 

The feelings of dark feel all consuming lately.

 

I know these are just emotions and will fade away. The peace and calmness are fleeting.

 

Winter solstice tomorrow. Mercury in retrograde.

 

Always darkest before the dawn.

 

Peace and joy to you my friends.

[fieldoflavender]

Loneliness by yourself is still better than feeling utterly alone when you are IN a relationship. Or feeling a sharp knife being stuck in your back. So...I will take the loneliness.

[fieldoflavender]

I’m done with relationships. So much effort since the breakup and nothing, zero, zilch to show for it. And on top of all that, my last 2 relationships had ended badly, leaving me picking up the emotional pieces. I’m content being alone. Push comes to shove I’ll just rub one off every once in a while and life goes on. That’s it. **** this whole thing called partnership or relationship. Every normal eligible female my age has already been married or has children.

 

The proverbial ship has sailed. It’s time to be realistic and admit that romance like that in the movies is just that, fiction. Perhaps it exists, but for one reason or another it’s not in the cards, just wasn’t meant to be.

 

I don’t even feel like going to any New Years Eve party. Might just stay at home and watch Netflix.

 

What are you looking for Logo? It's WAY easier for guys to get girls imo. You can go older, you can go younger etc. Are you in your 30's? Me and my friends find that it's the opposite problem - not enough guys, but tons of girls left over.

[Beachead]

Does anyone else wish their ex would reach out despite what happened? Or feel so utterly worthless at times because they left you like you were nothing at all?

 

I fell asleep for an hour and woke up feeling horrible.

Edited December 20, 2017 by Beachead

[todreaminblue]

My ex is coming tomorrow we have kids together three girls.....all grown now..i pretty much raised them alone....eh used to work away a lot when we were together.....he is visiting for 7 days..i haven't seen my ex in well over a decade he left me for an affair partner(they have since split) we talk a lot on the phone....i moved interstate when we broke up to break our physicality.....

 

ours was always a very intense relationship.....very physical.....i feel really anxious......when he told me he was excited about tomorrow i said yes the girls are really excited too.....he said "oh ? just the girls".....i know what he meant...

 

i told him I do feel anxious about seeing you....we havent seen each other for a long time even though we talk on the phone....he said dont be anxious.....you dont need to be.....

 

 

i actually feel sort of sick in the guts to be honest.....and when he seemed a bit down after i said i was anxious i said well maybe its excitement with nerves attached to make him feel better...he is really looking forward to xmas with the girls and he is excited to see me........and i dont want to spoil xmas for anyone.....

 

maybe he might find me unattractive now and i wont have to face any situation i cant get out of.....but...he always was attracted to me in spite of size ...he always made me feel beautiful.....until he broke my heart abandoned me when i was really sick ....yeah...i feel sick now...confused...anxious.....i want to run..deb

Edited December 20, 2017 by todreaminblue

[1fish2fish]

Does anyone else wish their ex would reach out despite what happened? Or feel so utterly worthless at times because they left you like you were nothing at all?

 

I fell asleep for an hour and woke up feeling horrible.

 

But if/when they do, you end up feeling even more worthless because it's all about them and their emotional needs, not yours. I know I feel worse and worthless since my ex emailed me that breadcrumb on my birthday Sunday - because it means nothing, except that he was bored, lonely and/or drunk.

 

But the feelings of worthlessness will pass and you'll be even stronger on the other side. Just ride it out.

[wishyouneverleft]

Does anyone else wish their ex would reach out despite what happened? Or feel so utterly worthless at times because they left you like you were nothing at all?

 

I fell asleep for an hour and woke up feeling horrible.

 

Ha, you've got to stop walking the same path! Read my post in the NC thread and the time stamp. Seems we're healing at the same pace. I'm fighting the urge to unblock her because I know she'll reach out. The only thing that keeps me is that I'm in a relationship now. I respect the person I'm with. I just didn't expect this to last this long. The random memories, the faint feeling oh melancholy because I no longer talk to her. This week I've been waking up sad, no thoughts, just sad like the first day she dumped me.

[wishyouneverleft]

What are you looking for Logo? It's WAY easier for guys to get girls imo. You can go older, you can go younger etc. Are you in your 30's? Me and my friends find that it's the opposite problem - not enough guys, but tons of girls left over.

 

Generally anybody can get anybody, however, there's certain values and qualities that do get rarer as a single person ages. I settled in now because I gave up on finding that fairytale love. I don't put the blame only on women, I contributed to the predicament I'm in as well. I'm fully aware that if I lived a more emotionally fulfilling lifestyle, I wouldn't be 30+ getting over my first true love. Media makes it ok for men to be dogs, the ignorance around us praises the Sam Malones in our social circles. I'm sad to admit, but I fell into this mindset and lost many years of my life I could have been courting women of substance rather than women with "loose" qualities.

Edited December 21, 2017 by wishyouneverleft

[Beachead]

Ha, you've got to stop walking the same path! Read my post in the NC thread and the time stamp. Seems we're healing at the same pace. I'm fighting the urge to unblock her because I know she'll reach out. The only thing that keeps me is that I'm in a relationship now. I respect the person I'm with. I just didn't expect this to last this long. The random memories, the faint feeling oh melancholy because I no longer talk to her. This week I've been waking up sad, no thoughts, just sad like the first day she dumped me.

 

We really are on the same path healing path eh?

 

She has ways to reach out. She hasn't. I want her to but I'm afraid if she does. And each day that passes continues to strengthen the point that I really wasn't worth much of anything to her. That's what's hurting the most. I wish she'd give me something...anything. Could also be that she's with her ex and he's the reason. Could be she just doesn't care anymore and even if she wasn't with him, she wouldn't reach out anyway. I don't know. Makes me irritated that I feel this way because I don't want to. Maybe this is the second wave of depression in my healing cycle, I don't know. It definitely is a weak day for me.

[Beachead]

But if/when they do, you end up feeling even more worthless because it's all about them and their emotional needs, not yours. I know I feel worse and worthless since my ex emailed me that breadcrumb on my birthday Sunday - because it means nothing, except that he was bored, lonely and/or drunk.

 

But the feelings of worthlessness will pass and you'll be even stronger on the other side. Just ride it out.

 

I've been through that too. I know breadcrumbs make it horrible. For me, it's been over 3 months since she reached out on her own. She promised her ex she wouldn't speak to me again and she hasn't and they're still together, surviving and thriving and happy as can be. I guess I'm going through thoughts of did it even really mean anything to her if she could move on so quickly. And here I am suffering so badly. Life..

[HiCrunchy]

It is more useful to understand people and relationships through the mistakes of others and understand why doing anything related to relationships is not worth it at all. It is all selfishness disguised as altruism. it is sickening. I am ashamed to want to be a part of it....

 

I wish I could remove my cravings for a partner. I will deal until I reach a point were I can't tolerate anymore.

 

I am sick of crying.... Sick of being told I am smart, healthy and beautiful and young....I know. But I am still crying and no one seems to understand.

How selfish and ungrateful I am...How could anyone be so worthless. Even with all these things, how can I be so worthless, and pathetic. I makes it extra sad in a way. What a shame....Oh how many people would love to be in my shoes, its a shame I was born then isn't it. Funny how it was wasted on me. My mother says she prayed for my birth, I wonder how weird it would be for her to know that I wished I was dead almost every day.

 

A year and half and still crying, still alone. Some people are meant to be alone, how silly of me to think that being loved was something that could happen to me. I will learn not to let that happen again. I have to learn not to be hopeful.

 

Why would he want me? Having me is like having nothing at all. So many other wonderful people out there, it would be a shame if he was stuck with me. I should be thankful for the short opportunity I had, it maybe the last one I get so I should treasure it. That I got to be happy for a little while. I should have know better than to try to be happy tho. Thats just not something that happens to me. Happiness, to be loved, thats for other people. I have to keep reminding myself that. It would be foolish to do otherwise. People just use and abandon. What looks like caring is just fake altruism. Why even bother with anything. Thats why I am not attracted to many men, its the universe trying to tell me something. But the worst thing is that I wasn't even born asexual to make it bearable, like a cruel joke. Life can be funny haha... It has a sense of humor lol.

 

How pathetic, how worthless....Its all just a waste of time. Everything. Always. Some times I forget and hope but I am just fooling myself. I have to learn to remember that.

 

The more quickly I learn to understand that, the better off I will be. Or at least until I stop being such a ****ing coward about death...lol just another thing to be proud of ain't it.

 

Why do I even bother.

 

**** I am so tired...

Edited December 21, 2017 by HiCrunchy

[Michaelvon]

DRY BLOODER-ÀÊÒÈÂÀÒÎÐ Ê˨ÂÀ ÇÈÌÍÈÉ Çàêàçàòü ñî ñêèäêîé 53%: ?????? ????????? ????? Dry Blooder Óâåëè÷èâàåò âàø óëîâ! Óíèâåðñàëüíî. Ïîäõîäèò äëÿ ìèðíîé è õèùíîé ðûáû Ïðèâëåêàåò ðûáó â îäíî ìåñòî ñ äàëüíèõ ðàññòîÿíèé Óïàêîâêè õâàòàåò íà íåñêîëüêî ïîëíîöåííûõ ðûáàëîê! Îïëàòà ÒÎËÜÊÎ ïðè ïîëó÷åíèè Ñäåëàòü çàêàç ?????? ????????? ????? Dry Blooder Äîñòàâêà âîçìîæíà ïî Ðîññèè, Êàçàõñòàíó, Óêðàèíå, Ìîëäîâå, Áåëîðóññèè, Ãðóçèè è Êèðãèçèè.