How are you coping today?

[wishyouneverleft]

Depending on what works better for you or is easier... Tell yourself she's with a new guy and won't appreciate your text anyways OR that you'll prove your NC point by not texting on her bday and make her wonder about YOU and why you didn't text. (even dumpers wonder sometimes..)

 

 

 

Do you think she will just show up?

 

Also I know how you feel. Thinking about future plans you had made is always the worst! Also having to see the flight info with her name. Can you take someone else and still go? Whats your plan.

 

**Edit: Did I read this wrong? The flight info is bc you were flying her in to see you?

 

Yes, the flight info is because I bought the tickets for her to come to visit me. This was purchased while we were still together.

[Beachead]

Last night was one of the worst nights I had in a long time. I couldn't sleep. Maybe 3 hours at most. Like most ppl here, I grieving not just the loss of her..but the loss of myself. I feel anger towards her and her current boyfriend/ex. I hate that she did this to me. I feel anger for why my life has to be like this. Ever since I could remember, I have always been critical of myself. Always worked on myself. I didn't do it for anyone else but myself. Most my life has been spent flying solo. But it gets old when you're the only one who loves yourself. I am never good enough. I keep getting left. 3 times now. I've been getting over ppl for years. I don't want to get over them anymore. I wanted to be with them. I don't want memories I experience alone in the nights..I wanted memories I could experience with her. With my other exes. That's all I ever wanted. But no. It can never be like that. Never the way I want. It appears I was meant to be rejected by everyone I ever loved. People have limits. I feel like I tried my best and my best wasn't good enough. Going to be flying solo for the rest my life.

Edited December 16, 2017 by Beachead

[wishyouneverleft]

Last night was one of the worst nights I had in a long time. I couldn't sleep. Maybe 3 hours at most. Like most ppl here, I grieving not just the loss of her..but the loss of myself. I feel anger towards her and her current boyfriend/ex. I hate that she did this to me. I feel anger for why my life has to be like this. Ever since I could remember, I have always been critical of myself. Always worked on myself. I didn't do it for anyone else but myself. Most my life has been spent flying solo. But it gets old when you're the only one who loves yourself. I am never good enough. I keep getting left. 3 times now. I've been getting over ppl for years. I don't want to get over them anymore. I wanted to be with them. I don't want memories I experience alone in the nights..I wanted memories I could experience with her. With my other exes. That's all I ever wanted. But no. It can never be like that. Never the way I want. It appears I was meant to be rejected by everyone I ever loved. People have limits. I feel like I tried my best and my best wasn't good enough. Going to be flying solo for the rest my life.

 

 

Once again, you and me both share another common factor. I've been always on my own. Even when I dated women or had relationships, there was only one person I depended on. After a while I felt I was damaged because I couldn't find or connect with women deeply. I self reflected and saw where my faults were, I stuck it out with the penultimate girl until I couldn't take it anymore in regards to the problems with her child's father. Then I met the one that stole me heart.

 

I felt this was it, that feeling everyone talks about, the one that makes you do almost anything to make her happy. That feeling that they tell you, "When you know you've met the right one, you'll know". It finally happened, only to come crashing down as a false tale. The anger was not only towards her, but to myself for not seeing the red flags. Had she said yes when I was going to propose, the marriage would of been without a prenup. That's how in love I was with this woman.

 

I couldn't believe someone at that age, academic background, having so much to lose and knowing how close our families are, could simply dupe me and lie to me about so many things. The friendships that spanned generations she put at stake all because she just wanted a fling.

 

Its all different now, I feel reality snapped in. I'm with a woman now, but I see life differently. I see it for what it really is and that observations that I continue to make show how we really are as a species. That woman that will stick by you while you climb in life is a fable. Very few people in life will actually stick by one another when the going gets tough, much less in a relationship. Don't know if its media, society, a generation thing, or simply inherit in our genes as a survival trait that most people have.

[wishyouneverleft]

Woke up with an incredible sadness out of nowhere. I wish life was different. I'm beginning to feel I never deserved that level of happiness with a woman.

[fieldoflavender]

I'm still trying to figure out what I want from life. I know we can't have it all. I did have a lot of things when I was with my ex - but ultimately they were not things that made me happy. But I'm starting to think if I want to be "happy" in the ways of the soul ,then maybe I will need to give up some of those "other things" - or the other choice is to be alone.

 

When I was with him, he had all this money (from his parents mostly, I'm making more than him now), and I made half of his money last year, and although I never spent that much money but it was nice to use super nice things and go on expensive trips. To me now, that stuff is not worth it - I make a lot of my own money now and I could easily do that with my own capabilities rather than relying on a man. The biggest thing I got out of it - I had a plus one, no one bugged me anymore about why I was single, and I was "normal" for once. He had a good job, he made reasonable amounts of money, I had THOUGHT he was a kind person and I had THOUGHT he loved me. Even though deep down, I knew I didn't love him as much, I figured - hey in life, you can't have it all. So I sucked it up, but when his other stuff started showing cracks - he was a weakling who had major spending and dependency problems, it became even more not worth it. And all that superficial stuff became not worth it. yeah we looked good in public, yeah I smiled in Facebook pictures, but deep inside, I cried every day and I wanted to run away.

 

So that wasn't worth it. But is there a balance? I don't know. I miss having a plus one, I miss having someone to go to stuff with, I miss having someone to come home to. I miss the security and I miss the prospects of having a child. I don't have any of that anymore. But I do have my dignity, and no longer do I feel so trapped and so helpless with someone I could not respect or love anymore.

 

Maybe I am doomed to just be alone forever. You know sometimes you wish you could give a little to get a little. Could I make 50% of my current salary so I could find someone nice? But life doesn't work like that. Sigh.

[Beachead]

Once again, you and me both share another common factor. I've been always on my own. Even when I dated women or had relationships, there was only one person I depended on. After a while I felt I was damaged because I couldn't find or connect with women deeply. I self reflected and saw where my faults were, I stuck it out with the penultimate girl until I couldn't take it anymore in regards to the problems with her child's father. Then I met the one that stole me heart.

 

I felt this was it, that feeling everyone talks about, the one that makes you do almost anything to make her happy. That feeling that they tell you, "When you know you've met the right one, you'll know". It finally happened, only to come crashing down as a false tale. The anger was not only towards her, but to myself for not seeing the red flags. Had she said yes when I was going to propose, the marriage would of been without a prenup. That's how in love I was with this woman.

 

I couldn't believe someone at that age, academic background, having so much to lose and knowing how close our families are, could simply dupe me and lie to me about so many things. The friendships that spanned generations she put at stake all because she just wanted a fling.

 

Its all different now, I feel reality snapped in. I'm with a woman now, but I see life differently. I see it for what it really is and that observations that I continue to make show how we really are as a species. That woman that will stick by you while you climb in life is a fable. Very few people in life will actually stick by one another when the going gets tough, much less in a relationship. Don't know if its media, society, a generation thing, or simply inherit in our genes as a survival trait that most people have.

 

I think it's everything you mentioned and probably far more. All I know is, people have become more intolerant, more self-serving and self centered and I find they are now adopting a business mindset into marriages, friendships, relationships, family life. "What can this person do for me? If they offer me nothing, I'm out." kind of attitude. And the fundamental drive for everyone ihas become money because we need it to survive and thrive. But it divides us. It limits us. It manipulates us. Leads us off of a cliff. Jobs aren't secure and highly competitive and opportunities are global so people move around often for school and work. Nobody stays in one spot. So it's hard to even maintain a relationship in these conditions.

 

But then you think about how it shaped the way we socialize and it's even worse. Dating apps like tinder turn people into choices as if they were a selection from an all you can eat buffet. When I was small, my family used to write letters, send postcards and draw pictures and mail them to our extended family and friends from afar. It took time and effort and thought was really laid onto the paper. There was a time people picked up the phone just to talk. It required effort and time so when you received that letter or that phone call, you knew that person took the time. There was something very organic about it. But social media and instant messaging made communication so effortless and readily available that it kind devalued interaction. Meaningful conversations you could have had in person are now killed by faceless, emotionless text conversation void of all the senses we use in person when we communicate (Touch, sight, hearing, scent, body language etc.). And you know it's bad when people are getting dumped on Whatsapp..

 

But I'm not going to sit here and blame everything else. I blame human beings for cumulatively allowing life to become this way through weak choices and weak actions. I'm rambling but I think you get it. The world isn't healthy and we're losing our humanity.

 

I try my best not to think about it. I try to focus on the people who are still in my life like my parents and my siblings and my niece. I try concentrate on helping them. Try to better myself. What would have made it all better is to feel a genuine love from someone to heal my soul. I been going at it alone for so long. A lot of my friends and I people I confided in don't know or understand how much I've had to endure. How many times I reached down and picked myself back up. How many times I had to talk to myself and tell myself "You got this. You're strong. Lets figure out a plan." I believed in myself. I loved myself. I survived. Where were my friends when I got diagnosed with a chronic illness and went through treatments while I was growing up? Where were they when some of my family members passed. Where were they when after my surgery a few months back? Where were all these people that supposedly loved me? They all tell me I need to believe in myself. I need to be more positive they say. But it doesn't seem to even compute that the ONLY way I could get through what I got through was belief in myself and sheer will power. Maybe..just maybe..I'm human and I wanted to know that someone else gave a damn about me besides myself. Maybe I wanted that too.

 

Like you, the way this girl came into the picture was so natural and so unexpected. It felt right. She did a lot of good for me. Showed me the kind of love I never had. She was beautiful on the inside and out and I thanked god for her everyday. As short as that relationship was, it was probably the best one I ever had. She healed me and brought me back with love. I experienced for a moment how it felt to feel alive again and how it felt to be loved. And then it was gone. So for me, the worst thing that could have ever happened to me was this. It scarred me in some irreperable way and I don't think I'm coming back from it.

 

Sorry for the venting. Sorry for Rambling guys. I do hope someone reads this and understands.

Edited December 16, 2017 by Beachead

[wishyouneverleft]

I think it's everything you mentioned and probably far more. All I know is, people have become more intolerant, more self-serving and self centered and I find they are now adopting a business mindset into marriages, friendships, relationships, family life. "What can this person do for me? If they offer me nothing, I'm out." kind of attitude. And the fundamental drive for everyone ihas become money because we need it to survive and thrive. But it divides us. It limits us. It manipulates us. Leads us off of a cliff. Jobs aren't secure and highly competitive and opportunities are global so people move around often for school and work. Nobody stays in one spot. So it's hard to even maintain a relationship in these conditions.

 

But then you think about how it shaped the way we socialize and it's even worse. Dating apps like tinder turn people into choices as if they were a selection from an all you can eat buffet. When I was small, my family used to write letters, send postcards and draw pictures and mail them to our extended family and friends from afar. It took time and effort and thought was really laid onto the paper. There was a time people picked up the phone just to talk. It required effort and time so when you received that letter or that phone call, you knew that person took the time. There was something very organic about it. But social media and instant messaging made communication so effortless and readily available that it kind devalued interaction. Meaningful conversations you could have had in person are now killed by faceless, emotionless text conversation void of all the senses we use in person when we communicate (Touch, sight, hearing, scent, body language etc.). And you know it's bad when people are getting dumped on Whatsapp..

But I'm not going to sit here and blame everything else. I blame human beings for cumulatively allowing life to become this way through weak choices and weak actions. I'm rambling but I think you get it. The world isn't healthy and we're losing our humanity.

 

I try my best not to think about it. I try to focus on the people who are still in my life like my parents and my siblings and my niece. I try concentrate on helping them. Try to better myself. What would have made it all better is to feel a genuine love from someone to heal my soul. I been going at it alone for so long. A lot of my friends and I people I confided in don't know or understand how much I've had to endure. How many times I reached down and picked myself back up. How many times I had to talk to myself and tell myself "You got this. You're strong. Lets figure out a plan." I believed in myself. I loved myself. I survived. Where were my friends when I got diagnosed with a chronic illness and went through treatments while I was growing up? Where were they when some of my family members passed. Where were they when after my surgery a few months back? Where were all these people that supposedly loved me? They all tell me I need to believe in myself. I need to be more positive they say. But it doesn't seem to even compute that the ONLY way I could get through what I got through was belief in myself and sheer will power. Maybe..just maybe..I'm human and I wanted to know that someone else gave a damn about me besides myself. Maybe I wanted that too.

 

Like you, the way this girl came into the picture was so natural and so unexpected. It felt right. She did a lot of good for me. Showed me the kind of love I never had. She was beautiful on the inside and out and I thanked god for her everyday. As short as that relationship was, it was probably the best one I ever had. She healed me and brought me back with love. I experienced for a moment how it felt to feel alive again and how it felt to be loved. And then it was gone. So for me, the worst thing that could have ever happened to me was this. It scarred me in some irreperable way and I don't think I'm coming back from it.

 

Sorry for the venting. Sorry for Rambling guys. I do hope someone reads this and understands.

 

 

 

Don't apologize, let it all out. I'm a mess again today. I miss her so much. The beginning was something out a fairytale, met at a wedding, the instant chemistry, the smiles, the initial courtship, the feelings that culminated from all the things we had in common and the way we connected. It was magical.

 

I'm on the same boat, but I made peace with it. I've never been normal, always went against the grain, and people only took my side or complimented me when I proved them wrong and the results proved me right. Teachers, relatives, close friends, everyone always stood at a distance until the going got easy on my end. I came to the conclusion I'll never have that connection, so I settled for something more calmer, that lets me continue to only rely on myself, only depend on me for true happiness, and my unconditional loves is only given to my passions in life, not an individual. I don't mind being alone and almost never being understood. I've come to terms with the fact that it was just another experience I'll cherish. I'm going to leave this world the same way I came in. Alone and sh*tting in diapers. (joking about the latter, haha)

 

 

FYI: I got dumped via Whatsapp.

Edited December 17, 2017 by wishyouneverleft

[fieldoflavender]

I'm so different than you guys. I still have tons of hate left for my ex, barely miss him - and when there is a hint of it, I kind of just miss everything that came with it - not being alone etc. I wish I saw it for what it was from the beginning. Well there was a short period of time when he tricked me into thinking that there was love, and that was the dumbest part of my life. I will never be as stupid. I will always protect myself.

 

I don't know how you guys can still love or miss someone who treated you like that. I would never go out of my way to hurt him, but I would never ever help him if he stood in front of me asking for help. Because if someone lacks the balls to get someone else to hurt someone they were engaged to, I think they deserve everything coming to them. I believe in tough love - and I don't even love him so whatever. He deserves whatever badness - but too bad he has nepotism and he will never really get what he deserves because he will never learn the meaning of financial and fiscal responsibility because he never truly has to earn what he spends. He never has to work hard to get to where he is in life. But someday maybe life will teach him a lesson.

 

This is why I don't believe in karma. People like him will continue to do well in life just like how Weinstein continued to do well for SO LONG until he got caught. Sure he is not in a good state now, but to be honest, it's pale compared to what he made others suffer - and how many people are out there who will never get punishment until the day they die?

 

So forgot karma my friends, just do well for yourself. And never give your money or security away unless someone's proven through actions they deserve it. Prenup all the way if I ever get married.

 

I'm very angry tonight. I found a pair of sunglasses he bought for me that cost like $200. I know the right thing to do would have been to donate it, but I'm too angry tonight and I broke them and threw them in the garbage. I'll use my own money to buy new ones. I'm going to toss the dress he bought me too down the trash, just like anything associated with him belongs.

Edited December 17, 2017 by fieldoflavender

[SteadyPace77]

I feel great. Lots of things going wrong in life but the holidays are near and I'm able to bring a smile to those few people that care.

[Beachead]

I'm so different than you guys. I still have tons of hate left for my ex, barely miss him - and when there is a hint of it, I kind of just miss everything that came with it - not being alone etc. I wish I saw it for what it was from the beginning. Well there was a short period of time when he tricked me into thinking that there was love, and that was the dumbest part of my life. I will never be as stupid. I will always protect myself.

 

I don't know how you guys can still love or miss someone who treated you like that. I would never go out of my way to hurt him, but I would never ever help him if he stood in front of me asking for help. Because if someone lacks the balls to get someone else to hurt someone they were engaged to, I think they deserve everything coming to them. I believe in tough love - and I don't even love him so whatever. He deserves whatever badness - but too bad he has nepotism and he will never really get what he deserves because he will never learn the meaning of financial and fiscal responsibility because he never truly has to earn what he spends. He never has to work hard to get to where he is in life. But someday maybe life will teach him a lesson.

 

This is why I don't believe in karma. People like him will continue to do well in life just like how Weinstein continued to do well for SO LONG until he got caught. Sure he is not in a good state now, but to be honest, it's pale compared to what he made others suffer - and how many people are out there who will never get punishment until the day they die?

 

So forgot karma my friends, just do well for yourself. And never give your money or security away unless someone's proven through actions they deserve it. Prenup all the way if I ever get married.

 

I'm very angry tonight. I found a pair of sunglasses he bought for me that cost like $200. I know the right thing to do would have been to donate it, but I'm too angry tonight and I broke them and threw them in the garbage. I'll use my own money to buy new ones. I'm going to toss the dress he bought me too down the trash, just like anything associated with him belongs.

 

No I'm angry too. I only miss a lie.

 

This girl abandoned me during one of the worst times of my life to return to an ex she constantly complained about. She knew what I had been through in my life and she still played me. Told me to trust her and have faith in her. Told me she was in this for the long haul. Even when I was concerned about her ex, she assured me she'd never return to him. So imagine how foolish and powerless she made me feel the night she told me she was?

 

And the crazy part was how she had the conjones to tell me her feelings were true. How on earth does someone do something like this an expect me to believe that.

 

I threw everything she had given me into the garbage that night. New shoes, shirts. All the gifts. I tore up the photo we took where she was kissing me on the cheek and I had a dorkiest smile on my face and I deleted all our pics off of my phone. Erased her out of my life. I don't regret it at all because after we broke up, she so easily promised him she'd never speak with me again. Probably told him that dating me had been a terrible mistake or whatever she needed to say to him despite telling me for the first time, she loved me 2 weeks prior. Everytime I think about how that conversation must have went, I feel dirty. The kind of dirt I can't wash off in the shower. What was one of the happiest periods of my life was simply a way for her to show her ex what life was like without her and it helped strengthen their relationship for the second go. I was played for a fool and I let that happen because I trusted her and the part of me I lost in that process I will NEVER get back. So yea, I'm pissed and there is a side of me that genuinely hopes to see them break up down the road. I feel ashamed for it but it's there.

Edited December 17, 2017 by Beachead

[fieldoflavender]

No I'm angry too. I only miss a lie.

 

This girl abandoned me during one of the worst times of my life to return to an ex she constantly complained about. She knew what I had been through in my life and she still played me. Told me to trust her and have faith in her. Told me she was in this for the long haul. Even when I was concerned about her ex, she assured me she'd never return to him. So imagine how foolish and powerless she made me feel the night she told me she was?

 

And the crazy part was how she had the conjones to tell me her feelings were true. How on earth does someone do something like this an expect me to believe that.

 

I threw everything she had given me into the garbage that night. New shoes, shirts. All the gifts. I tore up the photo we took where she was kissing me on the cheek and I had a dorkiest smile on my face and I deleted all our pics off of my phone. Erased her out of my life. I don't regret it at all because after we broke up, she so easily promised him she'd never speak with me again. Probably told him that dating me had been a terrible mistake or whatever she needed to say to him despite telling me for the first time, she loved me 2 weeks prior. Everytime I think about how that conversation must have went, I feel dirty. The kind of dirt I can't wash off in the shower. What was one of the happiest periods of my life was simply a way for her to show her ex what life was like without her and it helped strengthen their relationship for the second go. I was played for a fool and I let that happen because I trusted her and the part of me I lost in that process I will NEVER get back. So yea, I'm pissed and there is a side of me that genuinely hopes to see them break up down the road. I feel ashamed for it but it's there.

 

You're right, I miss the person or the illusion of the person he tried to be for me. Even that person wasn't perfect, but there was genuine concern in that person. It's such a joke and oxymoron because that bit of being "genuine" was fake all along. Sure, we all fake a bit of ourselves for people we care about - or perhaps we highlight the good parts in us, but he sure played me well.

 

I'm trying hard to just focus on actions not words. The words he uttered were so beautiful - but if you look at the ugly actions, there is no beauty except in a beautifully conceived but ugly deception.

 

I do miss that person - the fake person. But it's better to be sad recognizing he truth than living a lie. I lived the lie, it was great during at some parts, but I fell hard down. So at least we should be grateful we're still not living a pathetic lie with these people and finding ourselves again.

 

At least the best thing he could have done for me was break up with me. I realize today that I was self-sabotaging our relationship towards the end because I couldn't even emotionally process that I wanted out. It was immature of me as well, but I'm glad that at least subconsciously I knew I should leave something bad.

[Jdoublenn]

I'm annoyed at X. And thats about as simple as I can get without going into full detail.

 

UGH.

[Beachead]

You're right, I miss the person or the illusion of the person he tried to be for me. Even that person wasn't perfect, but there was genuine concern in that person. It's such a joke and oxymoron because that bit of being "genuine" was fake all along. Sure, we all fake a bit of ourselves for people we care about - or perhaps we highlight the good parts in us, but he sure played me well.

 

I'm trying hard to just focus on actions not words. The words he uttered were so beautiful - but if you look at the ugly actions, there is no beauty except in a beautifully conceived but ugly deception.

I do miss that person - the fake person. But it's better to be sad recognizing he truth than living a lie. I lived the lie, it was great during at some parts, but I fell hard down. So at least we should be grateful we're still not living a pathetic lie with these people and finding ourselves again.

At least the best thing he could have done for me was break up with me. I realize today that I was self-sabotaging our relationship towards the end because I couldn't even emotionally process that I wanted out. It was immature of me as well, but I'm glad that at least subconsciously I knew I should leave something bad.

 

"Beautifully conceived but ugly deception." I like that.

 

Towards the end, I think she sabotaged us too because she didn't know what she was feeling anymore either. But I knew and I put an end to it. Best decision I ever made if there was any. And that is something I am thankful for. I'm living in reality again. She is back with whom she belongs with and I don't have to be involved in that mess of a situation anymore.

[Beachead]

Don't apologize, let it all out. I'm a mess again today. I miss her so much. The beginning was something out a fairytale, met at a wedding, the instant chemistry, the smiles, the initial courtship, the feelings that culminated from all the things we had in common and the way we connected. It was magical.

 

I'm on the same boat, but I made peace with it. I've never been normal, always went against the grain, and people only took my side or complimented me when I proved them wrong and the results proved me right. Teachers, relatives, close friends, everyone always stood at a distance until the going got easy on my end. I came to the conclusion I'll never have that connection, so I settled for something more calmer, that lets me continue to only rely on myself, only depend on me for true happiness, and my unconditional loves is only given to my passions in life, not an individual. I don't mind being alone and almost never being understood. I've come to terms with the fact that it was just another experience I'll cherish. I'm going to leave this world the same way I came in. Alone and sh*tting in diapers. (joking about the latter, haha)

 

 

FYI: I got dumped via Whatsapp.

 

You and me both. Hopefully not with diapers though haha.

 

And I know because you mentioned it to me in a different thread. I got dumped the same way by my second ex.

 

I actually feel exactly as you do about the way my life is heading. If you need to vent or a boost, feel free to PM me at any point. We are very much in the same boat and are going through similar experences.

[fieldoflavender]

Hey at least your ex's had the guts to dump you. My tried to break up - and I met with him face to face and he took it back. And then 1 hour later, called me to break up with me. Then ran away when I was moving out. I think that's worse. At least they didn't stage some bull**** "Oh let's build a future together again"....OR NOT after 60 minutes.

 

I think I should nominate him for an Oscar.

[fieldoflavender]

Sigh I remember this radio show about whose ex is the worst. I remember chuckling why people go on radio shows to try and win this contest. Well isn't that we are doing right now? Except there is NO winner here....But hey thanks guys, at least we don't feel so alone? Hey at least good riddance!

[Logo]

I can’t help but feel angry tonight after seeing so many couples in each other’s arms. I’m happy for them, but that was me last year.

 

It’s so hard finding a person I’m compatible with. The anger I feel stems mostly from the callus disregard in which my ex ruined our relationship. She acted like a selfish child and did whatever worked best for her. I think the number one issue was that she was a terrible communicator.

 

 

Sometimes I beat myself up for not checking out months before I did. The minute I was starting to feel frustrated and disappointed I should have walked away. But I treated it as though it were fixable, something we could both overcome so long as we both wanted to. And I thought she wanted to, but she was too selfish. I saw the signs early on, but I thought it was temporary or that she would change. I felt that things were off, she wasn’t like the others, but I gave her the benefit of the doubt. I was wrong.

 

 

I remember how many opportunities I had in my 20s. They seemed endless. But I wasn’t ready to settle down way back then.

 

 

These days it seems a monumental hurdle to meet people, let alone find the right person.

 

 

I feel like a knocked out boxer, struggling to stand up.

[divegrl]

I couldn’t sleep, so I texted my ex.

 

That was an infinitely bad idea.

 

Then I looked at his Instagram.

 

That was even worse.

 

So I need to go to bed.... before I call him.

 

Night time is the worse time.

[Logo]

I couldn’t sleep, so I texted my ex.

 

That was an infinitely bad idea.

 

Then I looked at his Instagram.

 

That was even worse.

 

So I need to go to bed.... before I call him.

 

Night time is the worse time.

 

Nights are tough.

 

 

At first it was mornings. I’d wake up feeling down and by the end of the day I’d feel grateful that I can finally shutdown for the night.

 

 

But after a while, it was nights. Memories of how happy and content I felt when we kissed each other good night and embraced in love.

 

 

It’s tough getting into an empty bed all alone.

 

 

I really wish 2018 will bring a lot of welcomed changes for many and happier times.

[Logo]

Hey at least your ex's had the guts to dump you. My tried to break up - and I met with him face to face and he took it back. And then 1 hour later, called me to break up with me. Then ran away when I was moving out. I think that's worse. At least they didn't stage some bull**** "Oh let's build a future together again"....OR NOT after 60 minutes.

 

I think I should nominate him for an Oscar.

 

 

 

Where does their indecision come from? What is it with people like that?

Can’t they just be happy with the person they’re with?

 

 

And that future faking, to this day I don’t know if my ex faked it or really meant at some point for us to have a future together. It was a lot of big talk.

 

 

I better distract myself with something positive before I get knee deep into the past that I’m trying to leave behind.

[Fever of love]

No I'm angry too. I only miss a lie.

 

So yea, I'm pissed and there is a side of me that genuinely hopes to see them break up down the road. I feel ashamed for it but it's there.

 

Hey Beached, as I mentioned on another thread, you and I are on opposite sides of the heartbreak coin- I would be the ex in your story, and you would be the new guy that my ex is currently with.

 

Because of this perspective, I can give you the other guys angle. Although I'm angry and I miss her like hell. I would not be comfortable with my ex returning after having used her full range of feminine charms on someone else. I mean the sex, the sweet talk about the future, the cooking, the gifts.

 

If she turned up at my door crying and full of regrets, I can predict that I am currently irrational enough that I would take her back- but at the end of the day, shes been gone too long, too much has happened, and what she has done feels basically unforgivable.

 

So if her ex is anything like me, you can take some solace in the fact that they must split up, again. I give them much less than a 50/50 chance.

 

Also- I have thought much the same thing as yourself about the commodification of relationships in a post-capitalist society. Our traditional and/or biological nature is to bond for life, and yet we have somehow arrived at a place where people are constantly shopping for something better, and partners are discarded for the flimsiest of reasons. People are traded up or traded in like old cars, like objects with no feelings.

 

I feel like a dog who has been left by the side of the road, while his family drives away happy and laughing to find another dog. I may have sat there pining and howling for 3 months, but unlike a dog I'm not going to be wagging my tail and pleased if see my 'owner' return- I recognize her horrific betrayal, and I would probably growl and bite.

Edited December 17, 2017 by Fever of love

[wishyouneverleft]

No I'm angry too. I only miss a lie.

 

This girl abandoned me during one of the worst times of my life to return to an ex she constantly complained about. She knew what I had been through in my life and she still played me. Told me to trust her and have faith in her. Told me she was in this for the long haul. Even when I was concerned about her ex, she assured me she'd never return to him. So imagine how foolish and powerless she made me feel the night she told me she was?

 

And the crazy part was how she had the conjones to tell me her feelings were true. How on earth does someone do something like this an expect me to believe that.

 

I threw everything she had given me into the garbage that night. New shoes, shirts. All the gifts. I tore up the photo we took where she was kissing me on the cheek and I had a dorkiest smile on my face and I deleted all our pics off of my phone. Erased her out of my life. I don't regret it at all because after we broke up, she so easily promised him she'd never speak with me again. Probably told him that dating me had been a terrible mistake or whatever she needed to say to him despite telling me for the first time, she loved me 2 weeks prior. Everytime I think about how that conversation must have went, I feel dirty. The kind of dirt I can't wash off in the shower. What was one of the happiest periods of my life was simply a way for her to show her ex what life was like without her and it helped strengthen their relationship for the second go. I was played for a fool and I let that happen because I trusted her and the part of me I lost in that process I will NEVER get back. So yea, I'm pissed and there is a side of me that genuinely hopes to see them break up down the road. I feel ashamed for it but it's there.

 

 

Don't be ashamed at all. I wish my ex the same. Even if that doesn't come to fruition, I hope she feels it when she understands what she left behind. I truly hope no man comes close to what she threw away. I know this is immature to mention, but on one of the contradicting excuses she told me we couldn't be together is because she wanted to work on her career and she wouldn't be able to contribute her half income wise being how I'm a professional. I say contradicting because we agreed that we'd support each other on our endeavors. I was going to start over when I moved to be closer to her, and that meant we'd be almost on the same level. She didn't mind. On top of that, her country is in such turmoil that her profession will be obsolete pretty soon. Everyone in her country majored in the some concentration, from taxi drivers, to plumbers, to the millions unemployed there. We agreed we were going to be each other's rock and help each other out as we climb. I had everything lined up for her in the states to pursue her dreams. It wasn't static, I was open to move anywhere in the world if she saw better opportunities. She never had a problem at the time with all these options. People have done this for me and I've done this for friends, relatives, even strangers, so why wouldn't I do it for the woman I love? To simply just assist in obtaining opportunities, she would of had to put in the effort in seizing it and also growing in her field. I would be there for her when she needed it, I didn't want to control or manipulate her, just wanted to see her prosper. That's what couples do, no? Help each other out and be each other's support, am I wrong in thinking that?

 

Its semi-traumatic how a woman can promise you the world and your gut is falling for all of it. No warnings at the moment, the promises of staying together forever, the careful planning for the next few years, it all went down the drain in less than 7 days. I would of never expected it from someone who had a reputation of being "sincere", and the "angel" in her family.

 

I threw it all out as well, the pictures, the "relationship" contract that she drew up to dictate the infinite level of devotion and love she has for me and is expected from both of us, her perfume, gifts, the letters, etc. I never wanted anything back, even a very expensive jacket I let her have because it was cold where we were traveling to on one of my visits. Lol, I do miss that jacket though.

 

 

I don't have this disdain just because she dumped me. I have this fervent loathing feeling towards her because she lied so callously. To make all these plans, commit to a level of devotion on such a relationship, only to quit at the drop of a dime. I'm still processing that. THERE WERE NO WARNING SIGNS!

Edited December 17, 2017 by wishyouneverleft

[divegrl]

I was fighting the feeling of missing him all day. But I pushed the emotions down and covered it up. But I do. I miss him. It feels good to say.

 

I don't know why certain people get stuck in our lives.... and others simply fade away.

 

For this guy, it's really hard because he loved me and wanted to be with me. But our lifestyles are just too different.

 

The last time I saw him, I said goodbye and started walking away. He said, "you are walking away with my heart."

 

I'm feeling regret. Should I have fought harder, compromised more. At the time I felt I was confident in my decision... but now I just feel pain and emotions washing over me.

 

I keep trying to tell myself, it would never have been a healthy relationship in the long run. But my body just hurts.

 

Thank you for reading.

[fieldoflavender]

Don't be ashamed at all. I wish my ex the same. Even if that doesn't come to fruition, I hope she feels it when she understands what she left behind. I truly hope no man comes close to what she threw away. I know this is immature to mention, but on one of the contradicting excuses she told me we couldn't be together is because she wanted to work on her career and she wouldn't be able to contribute her half income wise being how I'm a professional. I say contradicting because we agreed that we'd support each other on our endeavors. I was going to start over when I moved to be closer to her, and that meant we'd be almost on the same level. She didn't mind. On top of that, her country is in such turmoil that her profession will be obsolete pretty soon. Everyone in her country majored in the some concentration, from taxi drivers, to plumbers, to the millions unemployed there. We agreed we were going to be each other's rock and help each other out as we climb. I had everything lined up for her in the states to pursue her dreams. It wasn't static, I was open to move anywhere in the world if she saw better opportunities. She never had a problem at the time with all these options. People have done this for me and I've done this for friends, relatives, even strangers, so why wouldn't I do it for the woman I love? To simply just assist in obtaining opportunities, she would of had to put in the effort in seizing it and also growing in her field. I would be there for her when she needed it, I didn't want to control or manipulate her, just wanted to see her prosper. That's what couples do, no? Help each other out and be each other's support, am I wrong in thinking that?

 

Its semi-traumatic how a woman can promise you the world and your gut is falling for all of it. No warnings at the moment, the promises of staying together forever, the careful planning for the next few years, it all went down the drain in less than 7 days. I would of never expected it from someone who had a reputation of being "sincere", and the "angel" in her family.

 

I threw it all out as well, the pictures, the "relationship" contract that she drew up to dictate the infinite level of devotion and love she has for me and is expected from both of us, her perfume, gifts, the letters, etc. I never wanted anything back, even a very expensive jacket I let her have because it was cold where we were traveling to on one of my visits. Lol, I do miss that jacket though.

 

 

I don't have this disdain just because she dumped me. I have this fervent loathing feeling towards her because she lied so callously. To make all these plans, commit to a level of devotion on such a relationship, only to quit at the drop of a dime. I'm still processing that. THERE WERE NO WARNING SIGNS!

Yeah breaking up is fine - giving it up so easily is what makes me the most angry - then why bother in the first place? Some people like to slap themselves and others in the face metaphorically.

[vickyp]

I hope 2018 is going to be a better year for us "dumpee's"