How are you coping today?

[Logo]

Last night, I was thinking about how hard it's been to find someone to be with since the breakup.

 

Throughout the night, I woke up from my dreams, and thought about my ex and our relationship. What is she doing now? Does she think of me? Does she miss me? Is she with someone? Questions bounced in my head like rays of shimmering light.

 

After I woke up this morning I started making breakfast and opened up YouTube to listed to some music. I was looking for a specific song I had heard a couple of weeks ago, a song I liked. I was making breakfast, but my mind was somewhere else. I was thinking about the last few moments of our relationship, the last few weeks, how one thing led to another.

 

The song played, it ended, then came another and another. And suddenly, I heard our song starting to play. I paused, froze, actually.

 

I felt sadness, but knew that things happened for a reason and there's no turning back the hands of time. I felt sadness and I wanted to shed a tear or two, but couldn't. I had no more tears left to shed.

 

Was the song a sign? Was it a coincidence that it came on? A few weeks ago a friend of mine suggested I reach out to see how she's doing these days. But, I explained that after everything, after all was said and done, it wouldn't feel right to contact her. She betrayed my trust and I refuse to be a doormat.

 

So I'm back to looking forward, knowing that from time to time, my thoughts will take me back. It's become a lot easier to deal with these thoughts and feelings. Most have turned to indifference, but some linger and resurface again from time to time.

Edited December 12, 2017 by Logo

[CantTakeMySmile]

I guess that is exactly what I am doing now... "COPING"...

 

 

I so tired of coping... of getting by... I just want to start "LIVING" and forget you existed!

 

 

It makes me sick to think about us anymore... I am so done with that?

 

 

UGH!

[Jdoublenn]

Ex wants me back... or at least to prove that he deserves a second (third, fourth?) chance. . I’m back on this hampster wheel again.

[Beachead]

Ex wants me back... or at least to prove that he deserves a second (third, fourth?) chance. . I’m back on this hampster wheel again.

 

What are you going to do?

 

For me, I wish my ex would reach out but she hasn't reached out since September shortly after promising her ex/current boyfriend that she wouldn't speak to me again. Guess they're happy and I'm history. But sadly, she's not history for me. Past 3 days, I've been fighting the urge to reach out to her. Only reason I haven't is because I know I'd end up feeling stupid. This isn't my first breakup. I know how exes are when they don't want anything to do with you. They're cold. Dry. Unemotional. A stranger would probably receive more respect and feel more love from them than you would at this point. And the worst part was I didn't do any wrong. I was muscled out of the picture by her "Godly" ex who could do no wrong in her eyes. I struggle the most knowing someone could drop me and move on like it was nothing after everything. Sweet words, actions memories abandoned and forgotten. Actual proof that I really wasn't much in their eyes. It's as easy as turning a switch off for them isn't it? Poof! Vanished! Being that this person meant a lot to me and what they thought of me mattered, it truly was a blow to my self-esteem and confidence. I have absolutely no idea how to cope with it so I'm riding it out as if I'm on a life raft in the middle of the ocean being carried by ocean current..hoping I'll see land. Any land.

Edited December 13, 2017 by Beachead

[CantTakeMySmile]

Posting here because I am so freaking lost. How can we talk everyday, and things be so loving and kind and then you just stop talking to me?

 

 

 

 

I really want to know that. How can you stop talking to me? Are you so robotic that you don't even have feelings of missing something you had everyday?

 

 

I miss you so much. I hurt. I want you to reach out... but then... damn.. I don't even know anymore...

 

 

I just hurt and I want it to stop.

[Jdoublenn]

What are you going to do?

 

For me, I wish my ex would reach out but she hasn't reached out since September shortly after promising her ex/current boyfriend that she wouldn't speak to me again. Guess they're happy and I'm history. But sadly, she's not history for me. Past 3 days, I've been fighting the urge to reach out to her. Only reason I haven't is because I know I'd end up feeling stupid. This isn't my first breakup. I know how exes are when they don't want anything to do with you. They're cold. Dry. Unemotional. A stranger would probably receive more respect and feel more love from them than you would at this point. And the worst part was I didn't do any wrong. I was muscled out of the picture by her "Godly" ex who could do no wrong in her eyes. I struggle the most knowing someone could drop me and move on like it was nothing after everything. Sweet words, actions memories abandoned and forgotten. Actual proof that I really wasn't much in their eyes. It's as easy as turning a switch off for them isn't it? Poof! Vanished! Being that this person meant a lot to me and what they thought of me mattered, it truly was a blow to my self-esteem and confidence. I have absolutely no idea how to cope with it so I'm riding it out as if I'm on a life raft in the middle of the ocean being carried by ocean current..hoping I'll see land. Any land.

 

I know exactly how you feel. When I left him this last time and moved across the country to be home I think a switch flipped into him. The cold, *******, narcissistic ways came out along with a whole lot of gaslighting. It was maybe a month of that and I was ruined. Then he shoves this rebound chick in my face to push me away and I stayed gone. He texted me a week after this and "checks in" (still not done with this chick)so I ream his a** and tell him to leave me alone, that I'm done for good and that I don't need to be "checked in on....ever"... Week goes by and he texts me bc he's in the town we lived together and wants to get his stuff. I was a total d*ck to him at first and then he just kept saying "I want to talk...can we please just talk... Im not with her I just want to be ok with you.... even if you moved on and are happy I just want you to be happy...it would make me happy if I could have another chance though.." And the breakdown from me ensued. "why now?? I ask... why did you do all this sh*t to me" and he genuinely wanted to talk and apologize for everything and actually sit and have a conversation about it. Not the 'ok sorry' and brush it off like he had done the past month. So it all seems quick but hes only off for 10 days before he goes back on, working 6 days a week for 8 months, so we're planning Xmas and New Years together... I mean... I feel SCARED. Don't get me wrong... But also Ive come to know him over the past 2 years and we lived together since month1, so I have seen several of his sides.. This is the 'safe' side.. where he really is being genuine and wants to work on things. He's not playing games or being a narc. So whatever. I'll see where the next month or so goes, and Im excited. My guard is up... WAY up... but we had 2 very dramatic (sadly public in some ways too) so I'm leaving this completely off everything social media wise, and even with friends. Im going to see how it all goes and if he really is going to prove it to me and be there to work on things...

 

Good thoughts coming your way! I totally know how that feels and it sucks to be NC but knowing you're really not getting over them, you're just making yourself stay away. Its no fun, thats for sure.

[toomanyquestions123]

Posting here because I am so freaking lost. How can we talk everyday, and things be so loving and kind and then you just stop talking to me?

 

 

 

 

I really want to know that. How can you stop talking to me? Are you so robotic that you don't even have feelings of missing something you had everyday?

 

 

I miss you so much. I hurt. I want you to reach out... but then... damn.. I don't even know anymore...

 

 

I just hurt and I want it to stop.

 

 

Just keep posting in here !! it is hard it does hurt !! it sucks !!! But dont reach out to him, if he wants to reach out he will. Breakups hurt tremendously especially if future plans were involved. Just keep yourself busy it helps !!! It may take months a year or maybe 2 years, just take whatever time you need and never rebound with anyone, it will hurt more.

[Jdoublenn]

Posting here because I am so freaking lost. How can we talk everyday, and things be so loving and kind and then you just stop talking to me?

 

 

 

 

I really want to know that. How can you stop talking to me? Are you so robotic that you don't even have feelings of missing something you had everyday?

 

 

I miss you so much. I hurt. I want you to reach out... but then... damn.. I don't even know anymore...

 

 

I just hurt and I want it to stop.

 

Its impossible to know exactly WHY, because everyone is different but just focus on yourself and your coping/healing. I know it may feel impossible but playing all the 'whys' and 'what ifs' in your head is just mind torture, don't let it!

 

If your ex (whoever it is) doesn't want to reach out themselves, trust me, you shouldn't either. Think of it as some stupid game, and don't let them 'win' by you reaching out first!! Every situation is different but be strong. You've got this!! We're all either in your same boat, or have been before, so stick around. We'll be here when the other person isn't at least.

[Chilli]

It depends on what happened and their attitudes ending an stuff, the way each was treated and all kinds of stuff.

We split a few times but still talked or one would email . We had no bulls@t about that stuff

 

closure to is a damn nice thing if you can have it, it really helps rather than go on tortured for ever.

And our last few talks gave us both some of that.

 

Our final split though went a bit crazy but it did feel final too and is still very hard but l think we both pretty well accepted it can't be worked out .

 

l'd love to know how she's going though and to hear her voice again and a female friend that knows our whole story says she knows she's thinking about me too despite the tough front.

She did want to stay friends but l know we're both feeling too deep down that we just need to hold back now, even move on, which l'm trying to do.

 

Our stories very complicated and it's really been an on off thing last 8 mths , hassles, she had some stuff too and no doubt l did also.

But , despite it all l do miss the hell out of her.

Edited December 14, 2017 by Chilli

[Jdoublenn]

It depends on what happened and their attitudes ending an stuff, the way each was treated and all kinds of stuff.

We split a few times but still talked or one would email . We had no bulls@t about that stuff

 

closure to is a damn nice thing if you can have it, it really helps rather than go on tortured for ever.

And our last few talks gave us both some of that.

 

Our final split though went a bit crazy but it did feel final too and is still very hard but l think we both pretty well accepted it can't be worked out .

 

l'd love to know how she's going though and to hear her voice again and a female friend that knows our whole story says she knows she's thinking about me too despite the tough front.

She did want to stay friends but l know we're both feeling too deep down that we just need to hold back now, even move on, which l'm trying to do.

 

Our stories very complicated and it's really been an on off thing last 8 mths , hassles, she had some stuff too and no doubt l did also.

But , despite it all l do miss the hell out of her.

 

I always thought closure was something I needed too, but after several heartbreaks, I’ve learned closure is the least of your worries. Time is really all that’ll help you really, truly move on. (For me anyways)

[Chilli]

Everyones different ,me l want closure if l can have it. It's not about moving one it's about peace and understanding.

But ex an l sorta just cut it this time, still strangely enough though through talking with that friend , l can see our whole picture now and it it's helped me a lot,l'm really glad l learned what l did about it.

Edited December 14, 2017 by Chilli

[Jsos91]

She liked and unliked a photo of me on my best friends Instagram... sucks to be her haha I’d be mortified if that happened to me.

[wishyouneverleft]

Reading these posts is an eye opener. I just can't believe how rude and people are. I mean pretty much these relationship have been long term, the boom they leave. Are people not normal anymore? Is this the new norm, when things get tough to get up and leave? Or in my case have a stupid argument over an article I read, had a disagreement, calls me every name in the book an leaves? Like im the douche bag? And on top of that you he breaks up with me 3 weeks after my dad dies. Is this normal? I've never been the dumpee so this is extremely hard for me. During the week I feel ok since I'm busy, but come weekends, I get depressed my chest is heavy and keep thinking why he would do this? when all I did was love and be there for him. How are people so mean? I just don't get it. I just keep myself keep plugging away vicky. Just keep plugging away. My heart goes out to everyone in this thread.

 

 

As society finds ways to justifying immaturity and stunted emotions, our behavior will simply get worse and worse. Its a reflection in the way we've "conformed" in other aspects of life and reject the notion of true commitment of any kind not only for relationships with significant others, but with ourselves, careers, and loved ones. Even TV praises the man who just lives mediocre and justifies his emotionally stunted state that keeps hurting women by calling him a, "ladies man". True love for anything in life is dying as we become complacent cog wheels in society.

[Chilli]

It's everywhere, all over tv, media,even LS, it's a throw away mentality, no soul, no depth , no feel, shallow, society's goin down the toilet

[StrangerThanFiction]

I'm pleased to say that today was 100% better than yesterday. When I woke up this morning I just laid in bed for a bit thinking that something was different. Then it hit me that he wasn't the first thing that popped into my head and that I didn't feel the constant ache in my chest that's been with me since our alleged split. Yesterday, I was pining for him and wishing he would reach out just so I could get my fix. Today, I took steps to leave him in the past and, I tell ya, making that hard decision gave me such a feeling of regaining my power and having control of my life again. Making the decision to crush the hope was painful, yes, but at the same time...refreshing? Invigorating? Freeing?

 

I'm at the age now where I can't and won't settle for anything less than the best a man can offer. I'm not talking money or things- I have my own money and things so I don't give a rat's bony behind about theirs- I'm talking effort, persistence, loyalty, honesty, affection, consideration. All those intangible things that can only be felt by their absence. I'm done accepting sub par effort. I've done it enough to know that it will always lead to pain, insecurity, and questioning my own self worth. If I'm willing to put in 100%, than whoever I'm with damn well better be willing to do the same. It's quite possible that this attitude might result in me being found dead in my home being eaten by my 46 cats, 12 dogs, and a budgie one day...but in all honesty, better that than being stuck in an unhappy relationship where we hate each other because we were too afraid of being alone. At least my menagerie will love me all the way up till my death and their food runs out. Hoo boy, that got a bit dark didn't it? Moving on.

 

Anyway, today was a good day. I'm not naive enough to expect that today will be the norm from here on out, being old hat at having my heart broken. I'm sure there's going to be bad days still, but I like to look at every good day I have as a preview of things to come once I'm through this tunnel. That gives me hope, and when those bad days do come again I know that at some point the bad days are going to be the odd ones out instead of the usual.

[Jdoublenn]

She liked and unliked a photo of me on my best friends Instagram... sucks to be her haha I’d be mortified if that happened to me.

LOL did the best friend tell you?? Or how do you know.

[Jdoublenn]

Im stupid happy today. I say that because I know I'm mainly so happy bc X and I are on good terms and working things out. But in either case...

 

I bought resumes to 5 places today, 3 of them seemed extremely promising for calling me back soon!!

 

Also X and I are spending 10 days together between Christmas and New Years and have decided to spend NYE in Vegas! (He has the 10 days off before hes at work for 8mo straight.. so its pretty quick since we just started talking again.. but the timing is what it is)

 

I only live 4 hrs from Las Vegas so it'll be an easy drive for sure, PLUS theres so much fun to do there. Today I booked his flight from TX to here-CA (his work paid for his flight to TX from NY, so he paid for the rest of it) and we booked the room for NYE. Im so excited...We're also thinking of going to Disneyland after Christmas too. I haven't been since i was a kid and he's never been there or Vegas so it'll be fun. I feel really excited. If anything it'll be nice to spend the holidays with the one I love-no matter the past I never stopped loving him...

 

Only huge bummer is after so much drama-some public- between us with 2 breakups, I'm keeping everything quiet as far as us getting along and vacationing. Im not about to go posting on social media and then if it doesn't work out -again- look even stupider LOL. So I just live in my excitement on my own for now. But this is my hamster wheel and damn if I won't at least enjoy it while I can!

[Jdoublenn]

I'm pleased to say that today was 100% better than yesterday. When I woke up this morning I just laid in bed for a bit thinking that something was different. Then it hit me that he wasn't the first thing that popped into my head and that I didn't feel the constant ache in my chest that's been with me since our alleged split. Yesterday, I was pining for him and wishing he would reach out just so I could get my fix. Today, I took steps to leave him in the past and, I tell ya, making that hard decision gave me such a feeling of regaining my power and having control of my life again. Making the decision to crush the hope was painful, yes, but at the same time...refreshing? Invigorating? Freeing?

 

I'm at the age now where I can't and won't settle for anything less than the best a man can offer. I'm not talking money or things- I have my own money and things so I don't give a rat's bony behind about theirs- I'm talking effort, persistence, loyalty, honesty, affection, consideration. All those intangible things that can only be felt by their absence. I'm done accepting sub par effort. I've done it enough to know that it will always lead to pain, insecurity, and questioning my own self worth. If I'm willing to put in 100%, than whoever I'm with damn well better be willing to do the same. It's quite possible that this attitude might result in me being found dead in my home being eaten by my 46 cats, 12 dogs, and a budgie one day...but in all honesty, better that than being stuck in an unhappy relationship where we hate each other because we were too afraid of being alone. At least my menagerie will love me all the way up till my death and their food runs out. Hoo boy, that got a bit dark didn't it? Moving on.

 

Anyway, today was a good day. I'm not naive enough to expect that today will be the norm from here on out, being old hat at having my heart broken. I'm sure there's going to be bad days still, but I like to look at every good day I have as a preview of things to come once I'm through this tunnel. That gives me hope, and when those bad days do come again I know that at some point the bad days are going to be the odd ones out instead of the usual.

 

One good day is proof you are healing!! Take that day and remember its possible when the next really low day comes around. Keep posting too! Im beginning to keep up more with this 'Coping' thread.

[Jsos91]

LOL did the best friend tell you?? Or how do you know.

 

He told me lol.. I have her blocked on everything. He said he got a notification she liked one of his pictures and when he opened it, it went to a picture of us at a hockey game. She had already unliked it when he looked. Honestly, I would’ve just kept the like on it, it makes it weirder if you unlike it lol

[CantTakeMySmile]

He told me lol.. I have her blocked on everything. He said he got a notification she liked one of his pictures and when he opened it, it went to a picture of us at a hockey game. She had already unliked it when he looked. Honestly, I would’ve just kept the like on it, it makes it weirder if you unlike it lol

 

 

 

I had done this by accident. I liked something then unliked it by accident... clicking too fast.

[Fever of love]

Not a good day. Yesterday was better, but today I am once again haunted by how lovely she could be, and how much I miss our old life together. I feel like a part of me died June 17th, but I cannot even R.I.P.

 

Christmas is coming,

The goose is getting fat.

If you see my ex around,

Tell her I don't want her back.

[Jsos91]

I had done this by accident. I liked something then unliked it by accident... clicking too fast.

 

Honestly, I wouldn’t think anything of it either. It’s just a bit odd because it’s not a recent picture, it’s from a couple months ago. I mean even if she was creeping, it’s not a huge deal. I almost felt bad for her because it’s just an unfortunate double tap lol.

[trustyourself]

Having a really down moment today.

 

I was fine this morning, but after lunch, the fact that her birthday is tomorrow popped in to my head.

 

I jumped straight down the rabbit hole, and started missing her like crazy.

 

The thought that she will be celebrating it with her new guy made me feel sick. Which then led me to wondering if she even thinks about me anymore. If she misses me. The mind is so cruel.

 

I know I need to stay strong and not contact her tomorrow. It is so hard.

[wishyouneverleft]

She was supposed to come in 7 days. I can't believe I lost her. The tickets were bought when things were great and we were still together. So now the airlines are going to start sending me those annoying check-in reminders with her name plastered all over. I get a bit anxious thinking about her showing up at my door.

[Jdoublenn]

Having a really down moment today.

 

I was fine this morning, but after lunch, the fact that her birthday is tomorrow popped in to my head.

 

I jumped straight down the rabbit hole, and started missing her like crazy.

 

The thought that she will be celebrating it with her new guy made me feel sick. Which then led me to wondering if she even thinks about me anymore. If she misses me. The mind is so cruel.

 

I know I need to stay strong and not contact her tomorrow. It is so hard.

 

Depending on what works better for you or is easier... Tell yourself she's with a new guy and won't appreciate your text anyways OR that you'll prove your NC point by not texting on her bday and make her wonder about YOU and why you didn't text. (even dumpers wonder sometimes..)

 

She was supposed to come in 7 days. I can't believe I lost her. The tickets were bought when things were great and we were still together. So now the airlines are going to start sending me those annoying check-in reminders with her name plastered all over. I get a bit anxious thinking about her showing up at my door.

 

Do you think she will just show up?

 

Also I know how you feel. Thinking about future plans you had made is always the worst! Also having to see the flight info with her name. Can you take someone else and still go? Whats your plan.

 

**Edit: Did I read this wrong? The flight info is bc you were flying her in to see you?