wishyouneverleft Posted December 8, 2017 Posted December 8, 2017 (edited) I understand. Broke up with my ex and immediately after she returned to hers and cut me out of her life. It has been a brutal few months. Just gotta let yourself feel whatever it is you feel about it and not let anyone make you feel like you should be rushing it. I read somewhere, grieving a breakup is similar to digestion. You just have to let it do it's thing. Over time, you'll gain clarity and strength. I have to confess, the woman I went back to was an old ex, and I cut my recent ex off (NC) after she dumped me. I told her to never reach out and I swore to do the same. Even after she reached out months later, I had my cousin tell her to respect my wishes. I wanted her to know that she wasn't even worth my time to respond. It was hard Beachead, after she reached out that last time I went back to square 1 even though I didn't reach out or respond. It felt like I was starting the mourning process over. It wasn't for the same reasons as your ex did, but I know it was immature. I just officially gave up on letting any one in my heart and I was in such a dark place that can only be compared to when I had a really close relative pass away. I almost lost my job, my reputation as one of the best in my field was in jeopardy, and it spans a couple continents. A woman, a single human being had this effect on me. On top of that I have other business ventures that I couldn't afford to lose my associates because they felt the leadership at the top was having a breakdown. I won't get into the emotions and thoughts, the feeling of nothing mattering to the point thoughts of self harm run through your head that you never thought would conjure followed by possible intent. So much to lose I needed to feel that warmth of a woman and at least 1/1000th of what I felt for my ex. Something to get me at least crawling again. The woman I'm with now really came through and was there for me and helped me get through this. I owe her pretty much my life. I'm hers until she gets tired of me or what I have to offer isn't enough, and if she does leave I just want to go back to the single life. That head over heels love was great while it lasted, but I prefer to be in my comfort zone of solitude and spirituality where my only true loves are the passions and skills I bring to the table. I'm in my 30's and have had my fair share of experiences, so this is not just an emotional rant. This is what I'm going to work on diligently moving forward. I really don't want to hurt anybody else for just physical pleasure, or get that emotionally intimate with anybody again. A part of me died the day she walked away. Edited December 8, 2017 by wishyouneverleft
trustyourself Posted December 8, 2017 Posted December 8, 2017 Even after she reached out months later, I had my cousin tell her to respect my wishes. after she reached out that last time I went back to square 1 even though I didn't reach out or respond. It felt like I was starting the mourning process over. It wasn't for the same reasons as your ex did, but I know it was immature. I just officially gave up on letting any one in my heart and I was in such a dark place that can only be compared to when I had a really close relative pass away. I almost lost my job, a single human being had this effect on me. That head over heels love was great while it lasted. I'm in my 30's and have had my fair share of experiences, so this is not just an emotional rant. This is what I'm going to work on diligently moving forward. A part of me died the day she walked away. Wow, that really struck a chord with me. I am also in my mid thirties, and I have never experienced the pain I have felt over the last 12 months either. That last sentence is exactly how I feel. I dont think I will be able to love like that again. She reached out to me a month ago, and it really did set me back again. I am a shell of who I used to be. Yet I know she will try and reach out again. My confidants agree. She is drowning, and keeps dragging me down with her. And I cant find the strength to push her away for my own survival. She meant everything to me, and I dont know how to let her go. 1
wishyouneverleft Posted December 8, 2017 Posted December 8, 2017 Wow, that really struck a chord with me. I am also in my mid thirties, and I have never experienced the pain I have felt over the last 12 months either. That last sentence is exactly how I feel. I dont think I will be able to love like that again. She reached out to me a month ago, and it really did set me back again. I am a shell of who I used to be. Yet I know she will try and reach out again. My confidants agree. She is drowning, and keeps dragging me down with her. And I cant find the strength to push her away for my own survival. She meant everything to me, and I dont know how to let her go. A great place to start is a solid therapist that will guide you. Spiritual leaders sometimes can do it too, and having a nurturing support system that will be empathetic. Everyone's different and there's a plethora ways to get to the finish line, the first is admitting where our faults lie, asking the questions to people that you feel are qualified to give you correct answers or healthy advice, and working to repair or live with them in a healthy manner.
Beachead Posted December 9, 2017 Posted December 9, 2017 (edited) I have to confess, the woman I went back to was an old ex, and I cut my recent ex off (NC) after she dumped me. I told her to never reach out and I swore to do the same. Even after she reached out months later, I had my cousin tell her to respect my wishes. I wanted her to know that she wasn't even worth my time to respond. It was hard Beachead, after she reached out that last time I went back to square 1 even though I didn't reach out or respond. It felt like I was starting the mourning process over. It wasn't for the same reasons as your ex did, but I know it was immature. I just officially gave up on letting any one in my heart and I was in such a dark place that can only be compared to when I had a really close relative pass away. I almost lost my job, my reputation as one of the best in my field was in jeopardy, and it spans a couple continents. A woman, a single human being had this effect on me. On top of that I have other business ventures that I couldn't afford to lose my associates because they felt the leadership at the top was having a breakdown. I won't get into the emotions and thoughts, the feeling of nothing mattering to the point thoughts of self harm run through your head that you never thought would conjure followed by possible intent. So much to lose I needed to feel that warmth of a woman and at least 1/1000th of what I felt for my ex. Something to get me at least crawling again. The woman I'm with now really came through and was there for me and helped me get through this. I owe her pretty much my life. I'm hers until she gets tired of me or what I have to offer isn't enough, and if she does leave I just want to go back to the single life. That head over heels love was great while it lasted, but I prefer to be in my comfort zone of solitude and spirituality where my only true loves are the passions and skills I bring to the table. I'm in my 30's and have had my fair share of experiences, so this is not just an emotional rant. This is what I'm going to work on diligently moving forward. I really don't want to hurt anybody else for just physical pleasure, or get that emotionally intimate with anybody again. A part of me died the day she walked away. I bet a good part of you probably wanted to give in and respond back to her when she reached out eh? That's why it was so hard. But deep down inside, you knew she broke you in a way that could never be fixed and there was no going back. Good on you for showing incredible strength to ignore her. She wasn't responsible enough to end it before it got to the point where you were considering proposing to her and ended up breaking you into pieces. She doesn't deserve any response. I feel the same way about my heart being done. I can't love anyone new either. And I am done humiliating myself and crying over people who don't deserve it. I've suffered long enough. My studies took a massive hit from people like this. My career. My spirit. Lost my recent job because my head was messed up over my ex. I've been letting everyone maneuver me towards destruction. I finally collapsed emotionally last month. So right now, I'm patching myself up. Licking my wounds. But when I get better, I'm going after my dreams and I'm not looking back ever again. I already make mistakes doing what I don't love so I might as well go after what I do love. Whether I screw up or lose or whatever, atleast i'll be doing what I love. And man let me tell you, I want to pursue film scoring/composition and keep teaching music to kids. I've always loved doing it. I was always passionate about it and it always gave me purpose and brought out the best in my spirit and attracted so many people in my life. I don't know why I let this world beat me into silence but I'm done letting it. I'm through with letting others steer my life out of control. All the people who hurt me can go to h*ll also. If I pursue what I love, I have a feeling, the people who were meant for me, will find me. Edited December 9, 2017 by Beachead
jjgitties Posted December 9, 2017 Posted December 9, 2017 (edited) Well here goes. I dont know if my post really counts as I am not getting over a lover or a wife. I am getting over an emotional relationship with a much younger female friend. Today is day 4 of no contact. Its going okay. I went to the gym, and went one three runs this week to get my mind flushed and cleared out. I do really really miss her tough. I dont know if she knows it. I worry she thinks I went no contact because she was too immature and was boring me with her stories. Its so not true. I really liked her a lot as the person she was and I really miss her and everything about her. I am in a really unhappy marriage and being infatuated with her youth really gave me something to look forward to every day. I miss taking to her. I miss seeing her. I miss texting her. But it would never work and the longer in went on the worse it was getting for me. I am too old and she is too young and we are both in very odd places in our lives. I think if I was divorced and had been single for a few years and if I had met her and she was not married it could have been something. I dont know. maybe this is a lesson for me to not get close to people and just keep my distance. Edited December 9, 2017 by jjgitties
iouaname Posted December 9, 2017 Posted December 9, 2017 feeling a little bit better today. it's technically the first day of full no contact. I've been having a lot of anxiety, wondering if/when I'll hear from him next, if it'll be good or bad, what comes next, etc. I deleted all forms of social media so that the anxiety wouldn't be so bad. Kind of unsure about where to go now though. I'm feeling a little lost in life, and part of me wonders if I was clinging to this because I had nothing else in my life worth clinging to. 1
Chardonnay Renée Posted December 9, 2017 Posted December 9, 2017 I have had a pretty rough day, to be honest. I have cried myself dry and have consoled myself by listening to one of my favourite songs growing up as a teenager; Torn by Natalie Imbruglia. The song may be way too melancholy, but the lyrics are so powerful and have hit home with me, resonating with how I feel exactly. I don't know how I'll feel tomorrow, but I will find a way to cope. I always find a way to cope.
Fever of love Posted December 9, 2017 Posted December 9, 2017 A part of me died the day she walked away. This I can relate to. I died on June 17th 2017. Unfortunately I cannot even R.I.P.
jjgitties Posted December 9, 2017 Posted December 9, 2017 This I can relate to. I died on June 17th 2017. Unfortunately I cannot even R.I.P. Dont worry. That part that supposedly died is going to grow back. You will one day look at it and wonder to yourself, "what the hell did I ever see in that person?" 2
iouaname Posted December 10, 2017 Posted December 10, 2017 tonight has been a little bit harder. the day was easy, but now that i'm sitting at home alone, I can't help but wallow in my own self-pity. some of it is about him, and some of it isn't. I have kept strong and haven't looked at his social media, and I won't be contacting him. I slipped up once and now I'm determined to not do it again.
Beachead Posted December 10, 2017 Posted December 10, 2017 I have been feeling better lately but tonight was by far the toughest night of the week. I don't know why. Felt very tempted to contact my ex and had to spend a lot of hours reminding myself why it was a bad idea to do so. Cried a little today also. I got thoughts of how it was so easy for her to leave and move on while everyday is still a challenge for me. I got flashbacks of memories followed by the cold reality that I may never hear from her again because after 3 months of silence, it probably means she's moved on with her life. Today sucked but tomorrow shall be a brand new day.
iouaname Posted December 10, 2017 Posted December 10, 2017 day 3 is proving to be tough. from the time I woke up this morning, I've just wanted to check his social media and see if there's even a hint about me or how he's feeling.
heartbrokenlady Posted December 10, 2017 Posted December 10, 2017 2 bad, bad days. Disappointing as well as painful. I thought I was at the point where I was ready to start exercising and trying to be a bit healthier. But no. Thrown back into a pit of despair. When will this pain start to abate????
toomanyquestions123 Posted December 11, 2017 Posted December 11, 2017 7 months breakup and almost 7 months NC, i had to contact him to remove our pic. I am feeling relatively better. But I still feel the pain when i think about it. I will feel i am completely over him when i will stop feeling heartache and self-pity when i think about the way he broke up with me. I am keeping myself really busy. I have my Masters pre-graduation presentation this week. I am glad that i will graduate soon. I will start working out soon. I booked a 2 weeks trip to Italy. I may start a second job. I am just keeping myself busy. I am enjoying being single but this doesnt erase the fact that i wish i could fall in love again and get married soon so i can have babies. But maybe i need some time alone. Next May will be a 1 year single time for me. But i cant stop thinking of im running out of time & i am getting older. I am just 27 btw but i just keep thinking about it.
Jsos91 Posted December 11, 2017 Posted December 11, 2017 I need to write right now because I don't know if I'll be able to really study until I do. I've been having such a tough time the last few days, I just feel like I've been in a bit of a rut and I don't know why. When I get like this, I don't know if its because of her, or that I'd be feeling like I was in a rut regardless of whether she was here or not. I guess I just need to chalk it up to being the holiday season and it being my first without her. I just have memories swirling in my head constantly right now and I think its just eating away at me. I think it might just be a bit of a rough ride for the next couple weeks. I went to the holiday market we used to go to with a fantastic woman yesterday and it was great. I had some moments where I had vivid memories hit me, but they didn't make me sad they were just kind of there. I think its good that I'm kind of recognizing the reasons I'm feeling this way and I'm not allowing myself to fall into despair, I don't think I'm capable. It sounds strange but I feel like if I let myself fall apart too much, she wins. Its probably an immature way of thinking but, if it keeps me together then I'll use it.
iouaname Posted December 11, 2017 Posted December 11, 2017 broke NC sort of, I looked at his social media. I don't even know why.
wishyouneverleft Posted December 11, 2017 Posted December 11, 2017 I need to write right now because I don't know if I'll be able to really study until I do. I've been having such a tough time the last few days, I just feel like I've been in a bit of a rut and I don't know why. When I get like this, I don't know if its because of her, or that I'd be feeling like I was in a rut regardless of whether she was here or not. I guess I just need to chalk it up to being the holiday season and it being my first without her. I just have memories swirling in my head constantly right now and I think its just eating away at me. I think it might just be a bit of a rough ride for the next couple weeks. I went to the holiday market we used to go to with a fantastic woman yesterday and it was great. I had some moments where I had vivid memories hit me, but they didn't make me sad they were just kind of there. I think its good that I'm kind of recognizing the reasons I'm feeling this way and I'm not allowing myself to fall into despair, I don't think I'm capable. It sounds strange but I feel like if I let myself fall apart too much, she wins. Its probably an immature way of thinking but, if it keeps me together then I'll use it. She wins if you're acting or manipulating your emotions because of something that regards her, and actually elongating the healing process all at the same time. Mourn and don't don't worry about her and other people think. 1
wishyouneverleft Posted December 11, 2017 Posted December 11, 2017 Still going through the process. Month no.4 that I don't have her and although the severe pain is going, the depression is still present. Its getting easier walking around with this, but the memories that flood sporadically have a way of thinking back on what could have been.
Jsos91 Posted December 11, 2017 Posted December 11, 2017 She wins if you're acting or manipulating your emotions because of something that regards her, and actually elongating the healing process all at the same time. Mourn and don't don't worry about her and other people think. You're 100% right, its hard not to let her affect me but, I suppose I just need to let myself feel whatever I happen to be feeling on any given day. Sometimes my pride is my weakness in the end, I end up breaking down at some point anyways. You can't keep things bottled up forever.
jjgitties Posted December 12, 2017 Posted December 12, 2017 Today is day #8 of NC. I still miss her. But its getting easier. I just unfollowed her from FB today. I didn't unfriend or block as I have no good reason to do it. But at least I will not see updates. I did not initiate contact. Oddly enough, she didn't either. Maybe the feeling is/was mutual. Who knows? Who cares? Its getting easier by the day.
Beachead Posted December 12, 2017 Posted December 12, 2017 (edited) You're 100% right, its hard not to let her affect me but, I suppose I just need to let myself feel whatever I happen to be feeling on any given day. Sometimes my pride is my weakness in the end, I end up breaking down at some point anyways. You can't keep things bottled up forever. Take it from me and don't bottle anything up. I've seen what happens to people when they do. All the pain and anger manifests itself into their behaviour until it's ingrained into them. After that, it's hard to eradicate. They never heal. Years go by and they're still wounded from what happened and they bring it all into new relationships and friendships and it costs them dearly. Don't allow yourself to become like that. Let yourself feel everything. The sadness, the anger, the numbness. You'll cry, you'll vent, you'll feel numb and you'll cycle between these emotions over and over again until one day you wake up and you realize you actually feel somewhat better. But, you have work through it. There is no time limit to the healing and don't ever let anyone make you feel like there is. Your soul is repairing itself. Let it do its thing. Edited December 12, 2017 by Beachead 1
fieldoflavender Posted December 12, 2017 Posted December 12, 2017 I'm so fed up with guys who don't have their careers in place. Like at this age, what's the hold-up? What have you been doing your whole life? Sigh, if only I can rewind 10 years and tell the younger me to go looking harder - or else this is the prospect I face now, with subpar people. The selection is so blah. I think I'll just rather stay single rather than let someone mooch off me.
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