How are you coping today?

[Broken183]

He came to Thanksgiving with my family for the past three years. I was fine during the first few days of my break, but I've been feeling pretty low lately thinking about all the "firsts" to come without him. It's been about two months and I had felt like I was getting a bit better, but the past few days have been extremely difficult.

[wishyouneverleft]

I feel the same way. Like all im going to do is live my life heartbroken...

 

I feel the same. I'm going to have her in my heart for eternity, so at this point I'm just learning to live with the loss and move forward. It sucks to hold on for so long to give yourself to the "one", only to be crushed because of the harsh realities of life. I'm pretty confident at this point that I was duped into thinking that you can have a partner that you feel everlasting, head over heels love, and have a passion to aim big in life. That's only in books, fables, and movies. I wouldn't be surprised if the girl I'm dating now checks out either. I'm not jaded, just our millenial generation has really created emotional barriers, just look at all the terms like, "ghosting" and "cushioning". Soon as something gets hard or uncomfortable, we run.

 

Sorry about the rant, just that I really wanted to marry the last one with NO prenup, just wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. I didn't care how, but I would move hell and high water to make it happen. I know I'll never find someone that'll inspire that again. Even if I did, I can't risk what I'm building; too many people are depending on me.

[Jdoublenn]

My mind is 7843875 different places today. Had sex with a friend last night, and it was fun i guess? Still miss X but i cant really control that he's awful for me... Possibly gonna just be a ONS but i highly doubt it bc he's had a thing for me for a long time. I went home and had dreams of X and felt so happy he was in my life again. Woke up to reality wondering what the hell I'm doing to myself. I like that i could go out and have fun with a friend but my anxiety is poking fun in my face thinking "you're gonna regreeeeeet it". But I don't yet? So idk. I know better than to start up anything even partly serious bc i don't want to rebound with (ONS) but it could be nice to have someone to distract myself with.. Spend time with and get that attention and physical touch i crave.

[Jdoublenn]

Feeling exhausted thinking about how little I've healed since I broke up with my ex 3.5 months ago and how happy she is now that she returned to her ex. Everyday I admittedly catch myself checking my phone and secretly hoping I would have a message from her or a call but there is none. Seems like I was destined to be heartbroken and alone. 3rd break up in 10 years. It's been nothing but chest pain everymorning and me struggling to get through the days.

 

Hope I can turn tomorrow into something better than today was.

 

I admit to doing the same thing. Especially immediately after I wake up.. I think i forget reality for a while and have all my dreams of him so i wake up thinking "maybe". Consistently disappointed. I guess its only been 5 days we haven't talked and its the longest we've ever gone but it definitely feels a bit more "definite" this time.

[vickyp]

Hi guys. I've been nc with my ex for 7 mths. With my therapy sessions and reading online he was a covert narisstic. I must say it was an eye opener. I've never come across these people, so it's an eye opener to say the least. Don't ask me why, I was curious to see if he had still had my house number blocked. Well it wasn't. But on his voice mail was a females voice. Lol does that mean he's dating someone? I called from my cell and that's blocked. Lol. Why on earth would someone in there 30's be so immature and do that? Like really. He was the fake one, not me. I knew mentality I could handle whatever the out come was. I guess I wanted to test myself. My reaction was first I laughed. Then I asked. Is this a ****## joke? Then I laughed again. The more I try to understand people I can't. I guess this means I won't be getting my 1200 dollars I gave to pay his bills. These covert narcissist are like the devil. Pure evil. At times I'm still made at myself for not seeing him for what he is when the mask slipped off. But I'm working on forgiving myself. I know these people are fake and mirror who you are. And if that's the case of him mirroring me, we'll then I'm a pretty ****e# great person. Lol I think somehow my dad was watching over me to give me insight on who I was dealing with. I really believe that. I'm thinking about "putting myself out there" but I'm scared to get hurt again. Yes I know it's a risk you take, but I don't know.

[vickyp]

Well I guess I just answered my own question. - had blocked my house number but I guess he knew it was me because I just got a text from him saying " I'm calling the police" I didn't reply, nor will I

[Beachead]

I feel the same. I'm going to have her in my heart for eternity, so at this point I'm just learning to live with the loss and move forward. It sucks to hold on for so long to give yourself to the "one", only to be crushed because of the harsh realities of life. I'm pretty confident at this point that I was duped into thinking that you can have a partner that you feel everlasting, head over heels love, and have a passion to aim big in life. That's only in books, fables, and movies. I wouldn't be surprised if the girl I'm dating now checks out either. I'm not jaded, just our millenial generation has really created emotional barriers, just look at all the terms like, "ghosting" and "cushioning". Soon as something gets hard or uncomfortable, we run.

 

Sorry about the rant, just that I really wanted to marry the last one with NO prenup, just wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. I didn't care how, but I would move hell and high water to make it happen. I know I'll never find someone that'll inspire that again. Even if I did, I can't risk what I'm building; too many people are depending on me.

 

Me and you are in the same boat with that my friend. I don't know if I can ever pull myself out of this massive emotional set back but I am hoping I can for the sake of those people who need me.

[Beachead]

I admit to doing the same thing. Especially immediately after I wake up.. I think i forget reality for a while and have all my dreams of him so i wake up thinking "maybe". Consistently disappointed. I guess its only been 5 days we haven't talked and its the longest we've ever gone but it definitely feels a bit more "definite" this time.

 

The dreams are the worst are they not? I have them too. It's been a good 4 months for me almost and I didn't feel bad the first 2. But once I got to month 3, the hope just died and with it came so much pain. Just trying to take it one day at a time. Went to have a conversation with my mom today and it all just came out..the anger, the pain. My voice got all shaky and weak and I started tearing up. It was involuntary and embarrassing. First time I've cried since she left. Guess I've been numb and in denial.

[fieldoflavender]

Well I guess I just answered my own question. - had blocked my house number but I guess he knew it was me because I just got a text from him saying " I'm calling the police" I didn't reply, nor will I

 

You should go back to NC. If you want the money back, you're going to have to go through legal means, because he won't give it back to you. To be honest, good riddance is a better way.

 

Just get away from him. Sometimes I break it once in a while to google him, but in a way, I'm lucky. I never memorized his number, and now I don't even know what his number is - and it's gone forever from my records. I suppose there's always ways I could try to contact him, but what is the point? I'll just look like the crazy ex. I sometimes want to rant at what a loser and miserable man he was - but what is the point? He shouldn't be allowed to hear it from me, he should keep living life like a loser without knowing any better. It's more what he deserves anyways, why should I even educate him? It'll serve him worse if he just keeps believing that all his problems in life are from the fault of others and not that of himself.

 

The best thing is to completely rid these people of your life. For once and for good.

[vickyp]

Hi field

 

I'm going to stay nc. I guess I just really wanted to face my fear if I was 100 percent. And I am. With coverts they play games. The voice mail with a girls voice may his new target or maybe a friend I don't know and I don't care. I'm just mad at myself for being duped. I'm having a hard time forgiving myself. With regards to the money, I have no paper trail that I have it. It was always cash. Again I thought he love me and blah blah blah. Expensive life lesson learnt lol how's your dating going? Meet anyone you like?

Edited December 3, 2017 by vickyp

[wishyouneverleft]

My cousin posted a picture of her and her husband that was in the same location I was with my ex. One of most romantic moments was around that area. And to makes matters even worse, I got a fortune cookie that read, "Someone from your past has returned to steal your heart". God has a sick sense of humor. Pretty much was another tearful evening.

[Beachead]

My cousin posted a picture of her and her husband that was in the same location I was with my ex. One of most romantic moments was around that area. And to makes matters even worse, I got a fortune cookie that read, "Someone from your past has returned to steal your heart". God has a sick sense of humor. Pretty much was another tearful evening.

 

Oh man. Did you get that heaviness in the chest? I guess facing those situations that trigger memories are a part of healing. Hopefully, as time goes by, we'll experience less and less triggers.

 

I went to the gym today and ended up seeing a friend of my ex. I know she saw me as well but I avoided eye contact and pretended not to notice and cut my workout short. It definitely ruined my workout.

[fieldoflavender]

I find every month I get reminders or have to "break the bad news" about why I'm not engaged, etc. It's getting annoying now. Stuff at home is rough. I'm just burnt out emotionally and physically.

 

Often I wonder if I didn't devote my life to my career - would I be married with kids? It would be a hell lot easier to find someone if I made a lot less. I do question whether it's worth it.

[Jsos91]

I had a rough day yesterday, probably the roughest I've had since I was fresh out of the breakup.

 

I was an idiot and found old messages and pictures between the two of us. It was a shock to the system at first but when I started looking at pictures of her, I felt nothing. In fact, I didn't really feel much attraction to the pictures, just a sense of nothingness. It wasn't until I started reading messages between us from Christmas a couple years ago that I really got hit hard. We had to spend Christmas apart that year and she wrote me a letter for everyday we were apart for the two weeks. I couldn't help but laugh at some of the conversation too because we were just so funny together. The saddest part for me was, while I was reading the messages I was taken back to that place and I had that feeling I had as if I were reading the messages for the first time. As soon as I stopped I hit a brick wall and was brought back down to Earth. I had the realization that I was reading the messages between me and a dead person, a ghost of someone that once existed. I just think about the person she was then compared to now and its scary how much someone can change within a relatively short period of time. Not only their hopes, dreams and goals, but their morals and values as well. I miss that version of her immensely but I have to accept that she's never going to be coming back. I had a few good cries and it felt like things that I had maybe been repressing had begun to pour out of me. I feel a bit better today, still down, but I know it'll pass eventually.

 

Last Christmas was fantastic, we spent it away with her family and had such an amazing time and I can't help but wonder if this year is going to be as great for her. Don't get me wrong, I hope it is, I would never wish ill on her or pray for her unhappiness, but I still can't help but wonder. Again, Christmas is just going to be another first that I'm going to have to get through but with 2017 coming to a close that will be the last of it and I hope to make 2018 a hell of a lot better than 2017 was.

 

She's with someone else now and I hope everything turns out the way she's hoped it would. She still holds a special place with me and I'll still cheer her on from a distance because although she is no longer the person I fell in love with, I'm still rooting for her.

[wishyouneverleft]

I had a rough day yesterday, probably the roughest I've had since I was fresh out of the breakup.

 

I was an idiot and found old messages and pictures between the two of us. It was a shock to the system at first but when I started looking at pictures of her, I felt nothing. In fact, I didn't really feel much attraction to the pictures, just a sense of nothingness. It wasn't until I started reading messages between us from Christmas a couple years ago that I really got hit hard. We had to spend Christmas apart that year and she wrote me a letter for everyday we were apart for the two weeks. I couldn't help but laugh at some of the conversation too because we were just so funny together. The saddest part for me was, while I was reading the messages I was taken back to that place and I had that feeling I had as if I were reading the messages for the first time. As soon as I stopped I hit a brick wall and was brought back down to Earth. I had the realization that I was reading the messages between me and a dead person, a ghost of someone that once existed. I just think about the person she was then compared to now and its scary how much someone can change within a relatively short period of time. Not only their hopes, dreams and goals, but their morals and values as well. I miss that version of her immensely but I have to accept that she's never going to be coming back. I had a few good cries and it felt like things that I had maybe been repressing had begun to pour out of me. I feel a bit better today, still down, but I know it'll pass eventually.

 

Last Christmas was fantastic, we spent it away with her family and had such an amazing time and I can't help but wonder if this year is going to be as great for her. Don't get me wrong, I hope it is, I would never wish ill on her or pray for her unhappiness, but I still can't help but wonder. Again, Christmas is just going to be another first that I'm going to have to get through but with 2017 coming to a close that will be the last of it and I hope to make 2018 a hell of a lot better than 2017 was.

 

She's with someone else now and I hope everything turns out the way she's hoped it would. She still holds a special place with me and I'll still cheer her on from a distance because although she is no longer the person I fell in love with, I'm still rooting for her.

 

I'm dealing with something similar. I'll be getting airline reminders of her trip that I booked for her to visit me pretty soon. I'm still mourning a ghost, but it does get better. I'm not as mature in the wishful thinking about my ex's future. She downright lied to my face on just about everything and the person I fell in love was just a ghost. I don't understand how a woman can just do that; that's the hardest thing to process. I wish you the best

[wishyouneverleft]

Still tearing up, still missing the ghost. Found some e-mails like the guy above and I saw the promises she made and can't believe she just broke all commitments just like that. I wish she would of never left me. That was my one shot of that head over heels, reckless, innocent love; I would of done so much and did already to make her happy and maintain the relationship alive. I wish she would of at least tried when it was her turn to put in the effort; that's all, just one shot when it was her turn to make the trip out here. To show me she was true to her word when it came to making every attempt to keep the relationship alive.

[Jsos91]

Still tearing up, still missing the ghost. Found some e-mails like the guy above and I saw the promises she made and can't believe she just broke all commitments just like that. I wish she would of never left me. That was my one shot of that head over heels, reckless, innocent love; I would of done so much and did already to make her happy and maintain the relationship alive. I wish she would of at least tried when it was her turn to put in the effort; that's all, just one shot when it was her turn to make the trip out here. To show me she was true to her word when it came to making every attempt to keep the relationship alive.

 

Yeah I know how you feel, I've never loved anyone as fiercely as I loved her and I don't know that it will come around again for me. My breakup looks as though its further along than yours is and I've noticed in your message above that you're aware of her shortcomings. Thats a good thing and its good that you aren't beating yourself up too much over everything. She wasn't willing to meet you halfway in the relationship and you need to find someone who will match your effort. In my case, I thought I had found that person but her attitude changed so quickly after two years together and an engagement, its scary.. its made me reevaluate everything, including what constitutes a red flag for me now.

 

That being said, I think we all need to go through these types of hurts, they strip you down to your very soul and make you really look long and hard at yourself as an individual... Its one of the most painful, yet important experiences in ones life. Its funny to me how much my view on things has changed since the breakup, its been 6 months and I've noticed incredible changes in who I am. I've gained a tremendous amount of respect for myself and I know how strong I really am. I hope everyone reaches this introspective realization at some point. Good luck, my friend!

[Beachead]

Still tearing up, still missing the ghost. Found some e-mails like the guy above and I saw the promises she made and can't believe she just broke all commitments just like that. I wish she would of never left me. That was my one shot of that head over heels, reckless, innocent love; I would of done so much and did already to make her happy and maintain the relationship alive. I wish she would of at least tried when it was her turn to put in the effort; that's all, just one shot when it was her turn to make the trip out here. To show me she was true to her word when it came to making every attempt to keep the relationship alive.

 

I think in a way it's good you read those emails. You're facing it. Your mind is processing it all, making sense of it. Letting that pain in is the only way to heal from it. Even if we get those moments where we feel like we are going to die because we can't breathe.

 

As for me, I took a good long look at my exes profile pic of her and her ex last night. Just like you, I got really weak and teared up because I missed her and wished her back in my life..but I also experienced something different this time.

 

I found myself thinking how she missed out on getting to experience what I brought to the table. All the laughter she'd never experience with me. The unique moments I could have brought into her life. The love and compassion from my family. The different perspective she would have gained from the life struggles I've faced in my own life. She would have become a better person.

 

I felt sorrow for her. Maybe I've finally pulled her off of the pedestal and remembered my own worth. Perhaps, it's something we all need to do.

[trustyourself]

Tough couple of days. I finally blocked her on social media. I cant believe the pain and anxiety that it has caused me.

 

But I needed to do it for me. To heal. To break that last connection. To stop myself from snooping. To stop torturing myself.

 

She is seeing someone else. I need to move on.

 

Its so hard.

[wishyouneverleft]

I think in a way it's good you read those emails. You're facing it. Your mind is processing it all, making sense of it. Letting that pain in is the only way to heal from it. Even if we get those moments where we feel like we are going to die because we can't breathe.

 

As for me, I took a good long look at my exes profile pic of her and her ex last night. Just like you, I got really weak and teared up because I missed her and wished her back in my life..but I also experienced something different this time.

 

I found myself thinking how she missed out on getting to experience what I brought to the table. All the laughter she'd never experience with me. The unique moments I could have brought into her life. The love and compassion from my family. The different perspective she would have gained from the life struggles I've faced in my own life. She would have become a better person.

 

I felt sorrow for her. Maybe I've finally pulled her off of the pedestal and remembered my own worth. Perhaps, it's something we all need to do.

 

Yeah man, that's how I feel. Its so sad what women throw away; only for some of them to come crawling back years later. Others don't get it until your name is on TV or on the cover of a magazine. Then, only then, do they figure out what you meant by chasing dreams. I do hope when my name is heard she'll remember the good times, that no man will bring her the joy and laughter I gave her, and that every time she dreams about a man, it'll be me; even after she's married. I know its TMI, but even the love making I hope she never experiences better than what we had. It wasn't even about money, its just two human beings experiencing a connection like no other. Anything I wanted to do for the relationship, it just happened. The spontaneous flights to see her, it would just happen. The plans we made about backpacking. The universe felt like it was further blessing and endorsing this relationship. Lol, I just look at it now as God having a sick sense of humor and reminding me my debt/penance isn't complete.

Edited December 8, 2017 by wishyouneverleft

[wishyouneverleft]

Yeah I know how you feel, I've never loved anyone as fiercely as I loved her and I don't know that it will come around again for me. My breakup looks as though its further along than yours is and I've noticed in your message above that you're aware of her shortcomings. Thats a good thing and its good that you aren't beating yourself up too much over everything. She wasn't willing to meet you halfway in the relationship and you need to find someone who will match your effort. In my case, I thought I had found that person but her attitude changed so quickly after two years together and an engagement, its scary.. its made me reevaluate everything, including what constitutes a red flag for me now.

 

That being said, I think we all need to go through these types of hurts, they strip you down to your very soul and make you really look long and hard at yourself as an individual... Its one of the most painful, yet important experiences in ones life. Its funny to me how much my view on things has changed since the breakup, its been 6 months and I've noticed incredible changes in who I am. I've gained a tremendous amount of respect for myself and I know how strong I really am. I hope everyone reaches this introspective realization at some point. Good luck, my friend!

 

I agree with that second paragraph. I'm with someone now, but its just like the women before her. I care, they're devoted, but my heart only gives to a certain extent. My views also changed, I honestly think its high risk to let someone into your heart while you're still growing in life; even if a woman is also at the same level in regards to personal growth. I've seen men drop out of college, lose businesses, jobs, or even pick up an addiction more frequent when they aren't' established. Not to say it doesn't happen to people who are already where they want to be in life, but its a lot more rarer from what I've seen. For a while nothing mattered after the breakup. Now I'm guarding myself, slowly getting back on the horse, and even though I'm still not firing on all 12 cylinders, I'm getting there.

[wishyouneverleft]

I find every month I get reminders or have to "break the bad news" about why I'm not engaged, etc. It's getting annoying now. Stuff at home is rough. I'm just burnt out emotionally and physically.

 

Often I wonder if I didn't devote my life to my career - would I be married with kids? It would be a hell lot easier to find someone if I made a lot less. I do question whether it's worth it.

 

In my opinion, its only worth it if you have an end goal to be free. There's nothing wrong with devoting yourself to a career, as long as you have a growth pattern mapped out. Not, the "I want to be VP, become an exec, and have a shiny car" dream, but that reverie that leads to freedom. The one where you're flying wherever you want in the world, excelling in what you love doing. Regardless of the title, you have excelled to the point you work out of your home office or wherever you want to carry your business, give back, and pay it forward. My maxim I live by is simple, "dream, pursue, excel, perfect, and the rest will follow".

[Beachead]

Tough couple of days. I finally blocked her on social media. I cant believe the pain and anxiety that it has caused me.

 

But I needed to do it for me. To heal. To break that last connection. To stop myself from snooping. To stop torturing myself.

 

She is seeing someone else. I need to move on.

 

Its so hard.

 

I understand. Broke up with my ex and immediately after she returned to hers and cut me out of her life. It has been a brutal few months.

 

Just gotta let yourself feel whatever it is you feel about it and not let anyone make you feel like you should be rushing it. I read somewhere, grieving a breakup is similar to digestion. You just have to let it do it's thing. Over time, you'll gain clarity and strength.

[Beachead]

Yeah I know how you feel, I've never loved anyone as fiercely as I loved her and I don't know that it will come around again for me. My breakup looks as though its further along than yours is and I've noticed in your message above that you're aware of her shortcomings. Thats a good thing and its good that you aren't beating yourself up too much over everything. She wasn't willing to meet you halfway in the relationship and you need to find someone who will match your effort. In my case, I thought I had found that person but her attitude changed so quickly after two years together and an engagement, its scary.. its made me reevaluate everything, including what constitutes a red flag for me now.

 

That being said, I think we all need to go through these types of hurts, they strip you down to your very soul and make you really look long and hard at yourself as an individual... Its one of the most painful, yet important experiences in ones life. Its funny to me how much my view on things has changed since the breakup, its been 6 months and I've noticed incredible changes in who I am. I've gained a tremendous amount of respect for myself and I know how strong I really am. I hope everyone reaches this introspective realization at some point. Good luck, my friend!

 

I can't express how much I agree with your second paragraph. I became a better version of myself after my previous 2 breakups. Ofcourse it took time though. 2-3 years. I hope this one can atleast give me that if not anything else.

[Beachead]

Yeah man, that's how I feel. Its so sad what women throw away; only for some of them to come crawling back years later. Others don't get it until your name is on TV or on the cover of a magazine. Then, only then, do they figure out what you meant by chasing dreams. I do hope when my name is heard she'll remember the good times, that no man will bring her the joy and laughter I gave her, and that every time she dreams about a man, it'll be me; even after she's married. I know its TMI, but even the love making I hope she never experiences better than what we had. It wasn't even about money, its just two human beings experiencing a connection like no other. Anything I wanted to do for the relationship, it just happened. The spontaneous flights to see her, it would just happen. The plans we made about backpacking. The universe felt like it was further blessing and endorsing this relationship. Lol, I just look at it now as God having a sick sense of humor and reminding me my debt/penance isn't complete.

 

Yea. I know what you mean. I feel a mix of different emotions. The anger is there too. Mostly at myself for letting her in. But also for the way she left me in a position to feel the pain of breaking up again. Having to let go again. Move on again. All this pain because she needed a temporary fix. Could have given my love to someone who deserved it but it was wasted upon her. So yea, as bad as it sounds, part of me wants to see that relationship turn sideways on them but I would much rather not think about her at all anymore.

 

As you said, our best move is building ourselves to the point where we are free. This way, the quality of our life is irrespective of anything they do.

Edited December 8, 2017 by Beachead