How are you coping today?

[chinadiary]

I'm not living, just existing in the world without him. While he's out there happy making memories with a new love. All the while the memories that we made together are fading from his mind and from his heart. I'm being replaced because I wasn't enough for him. Why do we fall in love with people who don't love us or who stop loving us? Our hearts still loving and missing them while all of their feelings for us have died. It's like we no longer exist in their world when just yesterday we were everything to them and things were happy and fine.

 

I'm on the outside looking in....watching people around me live...be happy....enjoying life while I'm stuck, not moving forward. My life has stopped. It's standing still and I don't know what to do to get myself moving again. I don't know how to process these emotions. I'm hurting.....falling so deep into this pit of depression. Why is love so complicated? How can it feel so wonderful and amazing one second and hurt so bad the next? This confusion is eating me alive. I wish I could erase everything from my mind so I wouldn't miss him so much. When will this end? When will I start living again?

 

 

 

This exactly. Feeling jealousy at work when women moan about their husbands. Sometimes I have to leave the room.

[Darkchan]

I'm at work and here I am. I'm not feeling very well sincethis morning. I had a nightmare that shaked me up quite a bit, especially since it was so fresh inmy memory when i woke up that I really thought it was real. I dreamt that I met him by accident at another company in the lunch room. We both had started a new work and he talked and I somehow ended up at his place, he gave me a hug and told me that he never liked me but will always be there for me. He then left.....

 

Well this is pretty similar to what happen during the actual break up, he told me he never liked me and left the apartment we both lived at (which is his place, since he rents it from his company) and then left the apartment for me to pack my stuff. I feel horrible and have spurs of anxiey, strong ones that are almost as strong as the beginning of the BU, it had gotten a bit better for the last past week but it just hit me hard this morning and once again I have the urge to talk to him. 5 and a half week today since bu and nc....

[vickyp]

I'm at work and here I am. I'm not feeling very well sincethis morning. I had a nightmare that shaked me up quite a bit, especially since it was so fresh inmy memory when i woke up that I really thought it was real. I dreamt that I met him by accident at another company in the lunch room. We both had started a new work and he talked and I somehow ended up at his place, he gave me a hug and told me that he never liked me but will always be there for me. He then left.....

 

Well this is pretty similar to what happen during the actual break up, he told me he never liked me and left the apartment we both lived at (which is his place, since he rents it from his company) and then left the apartment for me to pack my stuff. I feel horrible and have spurs of anxiey, strong ones that are almost as strong as the beginning of the BU, it had gotten a bit better for the last past week but it just hit me hard this morning and once again I have the urge to talk to him. 5 and a half week today since bu and nc....

 

Hang in there

[Fever of love]

Bad day for me, I don't know what it is. Festive period coming up, shes with someone new. I'm going to be spending it alone, imagining her cooking a lovely meal for someone else. This world is hell, it really is hell- it just seems like a trick set up to torture me.

 

I feel so unhappy and lonely, 22 years of laughter and love just...

 

Gone.

 

I miss her so bad, shes irreplaceable because of everything we've been through together, but I could never take her back now anyway. I just feel condemned to spending the rest of my life alone:(

 

I don't have the ability to process this.

[Cora]

I had a very vivid dream last night. Not about him, but about a guy I dated very briefly before I met him. This guy I dated was very different from my ex as he was upfront with me about his feelings and told me it wasn't working out for him. I remember being so appreciative of him being honest and upfront like that instead of just fading away and giving me the silent treatment like the ex and most of the guys I have ever been with. While I was sad things had ended, I was happy he didn't put me through the confusion of wondering what had gone wrong.

 

I don't know why I dreamt of this guy as I haven't thought about him in quite some time. All of my headspace has been wrapped around this most recent breakup. Perhaps I dreamt it to remind me that there are still decent people out there who are honest. Anyway, in the dream I went to this guys house (haven't seen or communicated with each other since we split) and he introduces me to his new girlfriend. They were madly in love....I could tell by the way they looked at each other and by their smiles which were from ear to ear. He was glowing and I remember thinking I had never seen him like that before. I woke up from that dream feeling very sad. Not because I still have feelings for him, but because it reminded me of all my failed relationships. How I'm always left for someone else. Usually for someone who turns out to be their THE ONE. Three of my exes got married to the girl they left me for and one of my exes has been in a serious relationship for three years with the girl he left me for. This hurts me. They go off to find the one while I go off to meet wrong guy after wrong guy after wrong guy. Pain and heartache....such a vicious cycle I know all too well and round and round we go. It's like I'm stuck on this amusement ride of misery that I can't seem to get off of no matter how hard I try.

 

Sigh...despite all of that I know I have friends and family who love me....who are a constant in my life. For them I am thankful. And I am thankful for this place where I can come and vent....where I am not alone in what I'm feeling. I will put my negative feelings aside for today and be thankful for what I DO have because it is Thanksgiving.

 

For those who celebrate it.... I hope you all have a wonderful and happy Thanksgiving! And for those who don't celebrate it, I hope you all have a day of peace, where you don't think about the hurt and pain and are kind to yourselves...

[fieldoflavender]

Sometimes I remember the good times and my dreams and aspirations for him and us. Those were good memories, but it doesn't cloud my mind of what he actually was in the end. It doesn't take away my good hopes - and I won't lose hope that there may be someone out there like that. Too bad he's probably someone's husband or something already. If I could turn back time, I would have focused more on my dating life when I was younger than work on my career. My career is better than ever, I'm making ++++ money, and ++++ opportunities and all is set, and I own tons of property - but can't find a man who can match me.

 

Sigh. Alas you can't have it all? Other women do, but they must be doing something better? Maybe if I didn't waste a year on the loser that was my ex - at least I would be one year less behind? It sucks when you are growing older, tick tock, and then you realize each day is more and more precious. And so I am less inclined to waste it on losers anymore - guys who don't have their career together at this point in their life, guys not financially or emotionally independent from their families, guys who don't know what the heck they want - scrap scrap scrap.

 

At the end of the day - better being alone than being in another embarrassing relationship.

 

I just wish I could say a few words to the younger me who thought I had all the time in the world.

[fieldoflavender]

I had a very vivid dream last night. Not about him, but about a guy I dated very briefly before I met him. This guy I dated was very different from my ex as he was upfront with me about his feelings and told me it wasn't working out for him. I remember being so appreciative of him being honest and upfront like that instead of just fading away and giving me the silent treatment like the ex and most of the guys I have ever been with. While I was sad things had ended, I was happy he didn't put me through the confusion of wondering what had gone wrong.

 

I don't know why I dreamt of this guy as I haven't thought about him in quite some time. All of my headspace has been wrapped around this most recent breakup. Perhaps I dreamt it to remind me that there are still decent people out there who are honest. Anyway, in the dream I went to this guys house (haven't seen or communicated with each other since we split) and he introduces me to his new girlfriend. They were madly in love....I could tell by the way they looked at each other and by their smiles which were from ear to ear. He was glowing and I remember thinking I had never seen him like that before. I woke up from that dream feeling very sad. Not because I still have feelings for him, but because it reminded me of all my failed relationships. How I'm always left for someone else. Usually for someone who turns out to be their THE ONE. Three of my exes got married to the girl they left me for and one of my exes has been in a serious relationship for three years with the girl he left me for. This hurts me. They go off to find the one while I go off to meet wrong guy after wrong guy after wrong guy. Pain and heartache....such a vicious cycle I know all too well and round and round we go. It's like I'm stuck on this amusement ride of misery that I can't seem to get off of no matter how hard I try.

 

Sigh...despite all of that I know I have friends and family who love me....who are a constant in my life. For them I am thankful. And I am thankful for this place where I can come and vent....where I am not alone in what I'm feeling. I will put my negative feelings aside for today and be thankful for what I DO have because it is Thanksgiving.

 

For those who celebrate it.... I hope you all have a wonderful and happy Thanksgiving! And for those who don't celebrate it, I hope you all have a day of peace, where you don't think about the hurt and pain and are kind to yourselves...

 

Yeah my first ex got engaged - but maybe it worked for him, but I refuse to drop my standards and marry someone who makes like 1/10th of what I make. Sure, it's different for guys, but like yeah if I opened the floodgates to people who make 1/10th of what I make, then sure, there's way more people available. Then alimony looks super fun and I know I won't be happy in the end. So damn him that he has that option, but it's not what I want.

 

Who knows, maybe one day I will wake up and be happy with a house husband. And then I could at least have more options than career men who just want a house wife or need someone to soothe their ego.

[1fish2fish]

I saw my ex, The Addict, leaving the liquor store with his best friend on Thanksgiving day. I had stopped at the store for dog food, and glanced across the parking lot and there they were. I still had to go into the liquor store for wine for my hosts, so I waited until they both got into the truck and I made a wide arc around the perimeter of the parking lot before going inside. My hands were shaking as I paid for the bottle of wine, but when I walked outside, the truck was gone.

 

Or, so I thought.

 

I walked across the parking lot to my car, scanning around like I do (occupational habit) and saw them sitting in his truck in the next parking row behind where my car was. Because I was wearing sunglasses, they didn't know I had spotted them.

 

The truck was backed into the space, so they both sat there, like Dumb and Dumber, watching me get into my car, back out, and drive away. I glanced in my rear view and saw that they waited until I was pulling away to exit the truck and walk into the store, turning around to watch me drive away.

 

It was so high schoolish and 1982ish that I had to laugh. But it shook me for the rest of the day.

[Jsos91]

Today was a decent day. Had class and got some stuff done that had been stressing me out. I was talking with my sister and she told me the last time my ex contacted me (some crap about adopting her rabbit and how her parents were struggling, things I don’t need to know at this point) she told her to stop contacting me and leave me alone. My ex said something along the lines of “oh I just had some questions for her.” I understand why my sister did it, she saw how it affected me when she contacted me and it was happening on a monthly basis. My sister has always been very protective so it doesn’t surprise me that it came to that. I don’t know that I ever would have been able to tell her to leave me alone. My only issue is that I’m worried my ex is going to think I’m struggling and I haven’t given her any sense that I’ve been having a hard time. I just don’t want to be weak in her eyes because of my pride, she isn’t worth it and I know how vain she can be. I don’t anticipate hearing from her again but... she’s shocked me before and she’s done some pretty audacious things.

[MeadowFlower]

Someone remind me never to get involved with a male again.

[MeadowFlower]

You almost know when you've lost them, that they've lost interest. Oh well Meadow, move on, move on.

[Chilli]

Yeah my first ex got engaged - but maybe it worked for him, but I refuse to drop my standards and marry someone who makes like 1/10th of what I make. Sure, it's different for guys, but like yeah if I opened the floodgates to people who make 1/10th of what I make, then sure, there's way more people available. Then alimony looks super fun and I know I won't be happy in the end. So damn him that he has that option, but it's not what I want.

 

Who knows, maybe one day I will wake up and be happy with a house husband. And then I could at least have more options than career men who just want a house wife or need someone to soothe their ego.

 

 

l'm afraid l don't get this and think your selling yourself way way short and maybe ruling out true love or a future with someone , just because of money.

Because you want someone that earns what you earn will probably mean you'll fall in love with the guy that earns that 1/10 instead.

So what , who cares , would you walk away just because of dollars .

As long as he's happy in what he does what's it matter and hey at least you have back up.

money won't makath a good man or husband or a good women or wife.

Actually the higher the earnings usually the unhappier the family and the higher the divorce rate l've heard.

l couldn't care less what she made.

 

l don't think it's any different for a guy at all tbh, he can still end up being taken to the cleaners or sponged off

[fieldoflavender]

l'm afraid l don't get this and think your selling yourself way way short and maybe ruling out true love or a future with someone , just because of money.

Because you want someone that earns what you earn will probably mean you'll fall in love with the guy that earns that 1/10 instead.

So what , who cares , would you walk away just because of dollars .

As long as he's happy in what he does what's it matter and hey at least you have back up.

money won't makath a good man or husband or a good women or wife.

Actually the higher the earnings usually the unhappier the family and the higher the divorce rate l've heard.

l couldn't care less what she made.

 

l don't think it's any different for a guy at all tbh, he can still end up being taken to the cleaners or sponged off

 

Well it depends on what attributes in someone is attractive to you. For me, I don't really necessarily need the dollar amount - if someone was to say - my father has millions and I am going to sit at home and do nothing, sure I get my millions of spending cash, but that's not attractive at all.

 

I think it's very attractive for someone to be in the top whatever % and be able to use their skills and ability to earn a living that supports a lifestyle that I like. I think that's something attractive I like in a partner. Also I don't like it when there are major disparities in income - sure there are exceptions and it's not like I will NEVER date someone who makes a heck lot less than me, it just makes things more difficult. Sure, if they're worth it, then it's worth it. But why go looking for trouble when I know deep down, I really respect a man who will work that hard to make a good living and support a good lifestyle. And who has the capability to do it.

 

No it does not mean if someone can't make that much, they are not good of a person, intelligent, capable blah blah - it's just not what I want in a marriage. I'm willing to sacrifice a bit more on height, looks, age, etc. Whereas those may be harder cut-offs for other people. I've turned down very attractive men because I don't want the income disparity. People who I thought were out of my league in terms of looks - whereas maybe other people think that's more important, I value capabilities more than looks.

 

I worked really hard to get to where I am today. I want to be with someone who worked just as hard to strive to the top of their industry. And generally if you strive to the top of your industry, you should be able to do well income wise. As I get older, I am starting to give way - I am now even looking at people who only make 50% of my income, but even then, it's still hard to find. Meh.

 

Some people think it's sexy to have someone who stays at home and takes care of kids and them. I really don't - in fact stay at home spouses is the least desirable and un-sexy thing FOR ME. Props to other people where it works - but I will not be able to stand it. Whether I do it myself or if my spouse does it. I feel like it's a societal waste. I feel people have so much more to offer than just to support the career of another person and sit at home. I couldn't be attracted to someone who wanted to be like that. And I find it hard to respect someone who makes that decision in their life. Sure I won't say anything to them, but but I have trouble respecting it as a career. It's just a way of life, and sacrifice that works for them.

[Chilli]

Yeah fair enough, l see where your coming from..

We all like whatever we like and suit whatever we suit., and need similar lifestyle ideals and views and whatnot's.

 

Plenty of guys out there earning good bucks though so it won't even matter anyway l guess, not like it's asking the impossible.

[BG1]

Hi Lovehackers, its been a while.

 

I'm 9 and a half months of solid no contact. These last few days I've been feeling bit conflicted and kind of sad. Today I woke up with the need of crying. I think to start to see this new girl is making me miss my ex. Maybe not knowing anything about her is getting to me somehow. I don't talk about this with anyone at this stage, well there is a person I meet her and we exchange emails, I'm thankful for that.

Just wanted to leave this here, and write to myself that things will be ok and I need to keep looking forward.

[vickyp]

Well it depends on what attributes in someone is attractive to you. For me, I don't really necessarily need the dollar amount - if someone was to say - my father has millions and I am going to sit at home and do nothing, sure I get my millions of spending cash, but that's not attractive at all.

 

I think it's very attractive for someone to be in the top whatever % and be able to use their skills and ability to earn a living that supports a lifestyle that I like. I think that's something attractive I like in a partner. Also I don't like it when there are major disparities in income - sure there are exceptions and it's not like I will NEVER date someone who makes a heck lot less than me, it just makes things more difficult. Sure, if they're worth it, then it's worth it. But why go looking for trouble when I know deep down, I really respect a man who will work that hard to make a good living and support a good lifestyle. And who has the capability to do it.

 

No it does not mean if someone can't make that much, they are not good of a person, intelligent, capable blah blah - it's just not what I want in a marriage. I'm willing to sacrifice a bit more on height, looks, age, etc. Whereas those may be harder cut-offs for other people. I've turned down very attractive men because I don't want the income disparity. People who I thought were out of my league in terms of looks - whereas maybe other people think that's more important, I value capabilities more than looks.

 

I worked really hard to get to where I am today. I want to be with someone who worked just as hard to strive to the top of their industry. And generally if you strive to the top of your industry, you should be able to do well income wise. As I get older, I am starting to give way - I am now even looking at people who only make 50% of my income, but even then, it's still hard to find. Meh.

 

Some people think it's sexy to have someone who stays at home and takes care of kids and them. I really don't - in fact stay at home spouses is the least desirable and un-sexy thing FOR ME. Props to other people where it works - but I will not be able to stand it. Whether I do it myself or if my spouse does it. I feel like it's a societal waste. I feel people have so much more to offer than just to support the career of another person and sit at home. I couldn't be attracted to someone who wanted to be like that. And I find it hard to respect someone who makes that decision in their life. Sure I won't say anything to them, but but I have trouble respecting it as a career. It's just a way of life, and sacrifice that works for them.

 

What if the guy treated you like gold? Your "dream man" but made less. Would you still not engage in a relationship with him?

[wishyouneverleft]

Well it depends on what attributes in someone is attractive to you. For me, I don't really necessarily need the dollar amount - if someone was to say - my father has millions and I am going to sit at home and do nothing, sure I get my millions of spending cash, but that's not attractive at all.

 

I think it's very attractive for someone to be in the top whatever % and be able to use their skills and ability to earn a living that supports a lifestyle that I like. I think that's something attractive I like in a partner. Also I don't like it when there are major disparities in income - sure there are exceptions and it's not like I will NEVER date someone who makes a heck lot less than me, it just makes things more difficult. Sure, if they're worth it, then it's worth it. But why go looking for trouble when I know deep down, I really respect a man who will work that hard to make a good living and support a good lifestyle. And who has the capability to do it.

 

No it does not mean if someone can't make that much, they are not good of a person, intelligent, capable blah blah - it's just not what I want in a marriage. I'm willing to sacrifice a bit more on height, looks, age, etc. Whereas those may be harder cut-offs for other people. I've turned down very attractive men because I don't want the income disparity. People who I thought were out of my league in terms of looks - whereas maybe other people think that's more important, I value capabilities more than looks.

 

I worked really hard to get to where I am today. I want to be with someone who worked just as hard to strive to the top of their industry. And generally if you strive to the top of your industry, you should be able to do well income wise. As I get older, I am starting to give way - I am now even looking at people who only make 50% of my income, but even then, it's still hard to find. Meh.

 

Some people think it's sexy to have someone who stays at home and takes care of kids and them. I really don't - in fact stay at home spouses is the least desirable and un-sexy thing FOR ME. Props to other people where it works - but I will not be able to stand it. Whether I do it myself or if my spouse does it. I feel like it's a societal waste. I feel people have so much more to offer than just to support the career of another person and sit at home. I couldn't be attracted to someone who wanted to be like that. And I find it hard to respect someone who makes that decision in their life. Sure I won't say anything to them, but but I have trouble respecting it as a career. It's just a way of life, and sacrifice that works for them.

 

 

Fieldoflavender, what do you do for a living if you don't mind me asking? I only ask because of curiosity. I agree with some aspects of your opinion, although I believe sometimes if we're not finding what we're looking for, we may be the problem sometimes. I sometimes have a tendency to look for something better than myself, as much as I may think I "deserve" the checklist of a woman I'm looking for, I have to look in the mirror and realize I may not be completely there to offer this ideal mate something substantial.

[wishyouneverleft]

Came back from the train station and just started screaming in the car. NC for 3 months and still going strong, she tried to contact me and I ignored her back in October. Just the thoughts that run through my head, the feelings, the memories. I wish I never let her in. There, I said it. I know we're not supposed to regret, but this is the one time I wish I could turn back the hands of time and just left her alone in that wedding. I wish I never made her acquaintance. I wish the chemistry wasn't there the minute I touched her hand to greet her. I wish she wasn't my first love, the first woman I truly gave myself to.

 

Countless women I've slept with in the past and this one is the one that steals my heart. Not bragging, but I feel my past with women is the reason that now in my 30s is when I actually had the emotional availability to let someone in. IT HAS TO BE KARMA. I don't know when this pain will end, when will my debt to the universe stop. The last 10 years I've worked hard to atone for my past sins and yet events like these keep knocking me down. The one woman I wanted to give my all is the one that leaves me, the one I wanted to marry, bought a ring, changed everything so we can have a life together.

 

I'm really trying to get back up, so much going for me and now nothing matters without her. Somehow she became the center of my universe, I don't know when it happened, but it did. At some point she became my reason to fight, struggle, and grow. Since I was a child I learned to be self reliant, and now this one person turns everything upside down. She made me promise her never to leave her, to always be there for her, and she's the one that leaves?

 

I just can't believe it, how can a law student that claims to be mature, do this? Why did I miss so many red flags? I just want to sob, I don't want to see anybody. I'm really trying to keep it together.

Edited November 28, 2017 by wishyouneverleft

[fieldoflavender]

Well to be my "Dream man", I feel like it's not just a money thing, but he should have a reason not to be able to make a good living. If he really is excellent in his field, but for some reason or other, is making very little money or if it's temporary, that's fine. But I find being able to make a good salary attractive - because not many people in the world are able to do it.

 

I don't want to say what I do since it's the Internet after all, and don't want to seem like I'm bragging because I'm not, it's more frustrating, this situation I am in, but I would say it's the top 1% of incomes. So it's becoming hard to find someone who even makes in the top 5%. And sure if they don't I suppose it's "fine", but the disparity has caused problems in the past. Either on their end or mine. Sometimes I wonder if I just spent less time on my career and maybe I would be a happy 9-5 girl who married some dude with 2 kids now. But I don't think I would like to give up my independence.

 

As for what I can offer, well I do think I can offer a bit more than just my salary, I mean personality a lot of the time is about the click etc. right. And it's not like I"m trying to find the hottest stud who makes 1 million dollars. I'm even willing to find someone who makes 50% of my salary, and even lowering my standards to that apparently isn't even good enough. MEH.

[Jsos91]

Just wanted to put a bit down... I had a rough evening for some odd reason.

 

I had a fairly busy day.. felt a bit depressed but other than that it was just average.. then tonight it just hit me like a brick wall.. I felt so down all of a sudden and when I feel low enough, my mind goes back to the breakup. I sat in the tub and just cried, I haven't cried like that or felt this crummy for well over a month now. I suppose this is all part of the process and the days like this will pop up once in a while. Its just getting more and more frustrating when they happen, the further removed I've become. Its just as if, as soon as I'm feeling down or depressed, my brain automatically goes to thoughts of getting my heart broken. I dont know if its some kind of effect of post trauma but I hate the association at this point, it makes no sense to me. Anyways, tomorrow will be a whole 6 months since it happened and despite my post, I've been doing/feeling pretty damn good. I think it helps that I've gained an acceptance for these crappy days and I kind of just grit my teeth and power through them. The good days are heavily outweighing the bad at this point and I'm quite alright with the direction my life is headed so, I suppose this is all part of moving on. Last time I had a day like this, she contacted me the next morning so, it was pretty eery... I hope thats not the case this time around, I definitely dont need that right now.

[Beachead]

Feeling exhausted thinking about how little I've healed since I broke up with my ex 3.5 months ago and how happy she is now that she returned to her ex. Everyday I admittedly catch myself checking my phone and secretly hoping I would have a message from her or a call but there is none. Seems like I was destined to be heartbroken and alone. 3rd break up in 10 years. It's been nothing but chest pain everymorning and me struggling to get through the days.

 

Hope I can turn tomorrow into something better than today was.

Edited November 29, 2017 by Beachead

[Darkchan]

Feeling exhausted thinking about how little I've healed since I broke up with my ex 3.5 months ago and how happy she is now that she returned to her ex. Everyday I admittedly catch myself checking my phone and secretly hoping I would have a message from her or a call but there is none. Seems like I was destined to be heartbroken and alone. 3rd break up in 10 years. It's been nothing but chest pain everymorning and me struggling to get through the days.

 

Hope I can turn tomorrow into something better than today was.

 

Hang in there Beachead! I will admit that I have the hopes up as well that my ex will reach out or that at some point we will reconcile. What can we do, we are heartbroken, it takes time. 3,5 months is not too long, it might take a year before you feel like you can forget and move on with your life, for some even longer. Don't be too hard on yourself for not being over it yet and having the feeling of not progressing or healing fast. You probably have healed a lot compared to how you felt the days directly after the break up, even if you for the moment don't feel like you healed at all.

[fieldoflavender]

It's also an ego thing to wish that someone would come back and go "Oh I was wrong! Oh I always loved you so! Oh please forgive me!"

 

Yeah right? Actually my ex did that many times during the relationship but I really wish he didn't and actually figured out what he wanted - because it wasn't true and all a lie and it left both of us worse off in the end.

[Jdoublenn]

Not well. No tears or anything but at this point I'm so mentally and emotionally exhausted, i FEEL physically exhausted.

 

My friend i used to workout with talked me into meeting her at the gym tomorrow, so Im going to do that in the morning. Since im not doing much else i can only hope I can jump back into working out at least. I know SO much or what I'm doing since I've worked out for so long, dated guys in the field as well as worked out with my friend a lot who competes in bikini comps. So needless to say I'm extremely comfortable with the equipment. I just need to find my motivation and get out of bed.

 

Im so far down the rabbit hole, i spend my WHOLE day trying to distract myself from thoughts of X. I read something that was a bit too "in depth" about sex and it made me physically sick. I cant even think about anything without it reminding me of him and I spend so much time trying to think about anything else, its totally and completely exhausting. I cant wait until I'm moved on and over him.

[Jdoublenn]

Feeling exhausted thinking about how little I've healed since I broke up with my ex 3.5 months ago and how happy she is now that she returned to her ex. Everyday I admittedly catch myself checking my phone and secretly hoping I would have a message from her or a call but there is none. Seems like I was destined to be heartbroken and alone. 3rd break up in 10 years. It's been nothing but chest pain everymorning and me struggling to get through the days.

 

Hope I can turn tomorrow into something better than today was.

 

I feel the same way. Like all im going to do is live my life heartbroken...