How are you coping today?

[fieldoflavender]

Someone had posted this earlier and I think it really reflects how I feel right now. I'm going through another stressful time in my life, and it's giving me a lot of anxiety.

 

I don't miss the person he actually was - but I for sure miss the person I thought he was. That person was really wonderful, and in a way, it represented so many good things in that relationship - but too bad, it was all based on a lie. I guess it comes back to the age old question of - would you rather smile blissfully while living in a lie, or cry at the truth?

 

I don't want to admit it, but the latter is better for the long run. But there are moments when I miss the person I thought he was - and wish I was back living in my lie. Because the truth is so ugly, and it hurts - it really does.

 

And today is just so hard - I wish I could just get a hug from the person he pretended to be. I miss him, I really do. I fell in love with that person, but it's the cruelest thing ever to finally realize that - that person never existed and it was all a lie.

 

And that is precisely why the latter is better - I would rather never have known how safe it felt in that lie - how I felt so protected, to have it all taken away from me in a heartbeat. If it was going to be taken away anyways, why taunt me?

 

And that is precisely why, my friends, it's better not to live in a lie. A toast to the people we thought they were.

[wishyouneverleft]

Someone had posted this earlier and I think it really reflects how I feel right now. I'm going through another stressful time in my life, and it's giving me a lot of anxiety.

 

I don't miss the person he actually was - but I for sure miss the person I thought he was. That person was really wonderful, and in a way, it represented so many good things in that relationship - but too bad, it was all based on a lie. I guess it comes back to the age old question of - would you rather smile blissfully while living in a lie, or cry at the truth?

 

I don't want to admit it, but the latter is better for the long run. But there are moments when I miss the person I thought he was - and wish I was back living in my lie. Because the truth is so ugly, and it hurts - it really does.

 

And today is just so hard - I wish I could just get a hug from the person he pretended to be. I miss him, I really do. I fell in love with that person, but it's the cruelest thing ever to finally realize that - that person never existed and it was all a lie.

 

And that is precisely why the latter is better - I would rather never have known how safe it felt in that lie - how I felt so protected, to have it all taken away from me in a heartbeat. If it was going to be taken away anyways, why taunt me?

 

And that is precisely why, my friends, it's better not to live in a lie. A toast to the people we thought they were.

 

You pretty much sum up how I feel. She never existed, she was a facade. I miss the person she fabricate, that's the person I deeply fell in love with. It felt so real, so convincing, and it's so hard to let go. The dreams, the random memories coming to the fore front.

[Fever of love]

Not coping folks. What more can I say? You all know what that means.

 

Nearly 5 months on, I feel as bad as I did 5 months ago.

 

I'm not coping at all.

 

Maybe let me be lesson learned for other heartbroken. I was getting better, missing her but functioning. I posted in the 'Post here instead of contacting your ex' on Sunday.

 

I have not blocked her on FB, against all advice on Loveshack, we don't communicate or anything, but even so. On Sunday when I came home she changed her profile picture, it was the first thing on my feed, and she was absolutely glowing and gorgeous. So obviously happy and in love, despite the picture being of just her face.

 

The picture flipped me up and over, and my heart started beating like I had run a marathon. Coincidentally I had written an unsent 'self help' letter to her last week, saying how I could not even bear to look at pictures of her face, because it was setting back my healing. I broke NC, spoke to her on FB messenger, said her picture broke my heart alll over and I mised her so badly, to which she replied she was never coming back and thanked me for protecting her for so long and teaching her so much, but that we would no longer be together. I didnt need to hear that, again. But obv sounds like her personal closure.

 

I also sent the email, about our memories, and my ongoing difficulty dealing.

 

Anyway, I shouldn't have done any of this stuff, because its true: healing is like 'Snakes and ladders', and this stuff has sent me right back to square one. I legit can't cope, its absolutely heartbreaking.

 

And the ridiculous thing is now I'm absolutely consumed by the need to contact her again?

 

 

Shes gorgeous, ingrained into my eyes and cells through memory of everything that we've been through together, beyond whats realistic. Its like she glows in my minds eye. I cant get over her.

[Deadmeat]

Not coping folks. What more can I say? You all know what that means.

 

Nearly 5 months on, I feel as bad as I did 5 months ago.

 

I'm not coping at all.

 

Maybe let me be lesson learned for other heartbroken. I was getting better, missing her but functioning. I posted in the 'Post here instead of contacting your ex' on Sunday.

 

I have not blocked her on FB, against all advice on Loveshack, we don't communicate or anything, but even so. On Sunday when I came home she changed her profile picture, it was the first thing on my feed, and she was absolutely glowing and gorgeous. So obviously happy and in love, despite the picture being of just her face.

 

The picture flipped me up and over, and my heart started beating like I had run a marathon. Coincidentally I had written an unsent 'self help' letter to her last week, saying how I could not even bear to look at pictures of her face, because it was setting back my healing. I broke NC, spoke to her on FB messenger, said her picture broke my heart alll over and I mised her so badly, to which she replied she was never coming back and thanked me for protecting her for so long and teaching her so much, but that we would no longer be together. I didnt need to hear that, again. But obv sounds like her personal closure.

 

I also sent the email, about our memories, and my ongoing difficulty dealing.

 

Anyway, I shouldn't have done any of this stuff, because its true: healing is like 'Snakes and ladders', and this stuff has sent me right back to square one. I legit can't cope, its absolutely heartbreaking.

 

And the ridiculous thing is now I'm absolutely consumed by the need to contact her again?

 

 

Shes gorgeous, ingrained into my eyes and cells through memory of everything that we've been through together, beyond whats realistic. Its like she glows in my minds eye. I cant get over her.

 

You are coping my friend. Your mind has placed her on the pedestal which is why she's "glowing" to you. Sort of like a defense mechanism, your body craves her but your mind knows it's not good for you so it plays these tricks.

 

You've got your closure, she's said there's no gping back. Your best bet is to delete her and block her from everything. Let her go so you can close this chapter of your life.

[Fever of love]

You are coping my friend. Your mind has placed her on the pedestal which is why she's "glowing" to you. Sort of like a defense mechanism, your body craves her but your mind knows it's not good for you so it plays these tricks.

 

You've got your closure, she's said there's no gping back. Your best bet is to delete her and block her from everything. Let her go so you can close this chapter of your life.

 

Appreciated man.

[MeadowFlower]

Feeling <insert how I'm feeling here>.

I should forget about males and live my life. Put a stake down.

Edited November 14, 2017 by MeadowFlower

[wishyouneverleft]

The person she pretended to be. I'm coming to terms that there is never going to be an us.

[MeadowFlower]

The person she pretended to be. I'm coming to terms that there is never going to be an us.

It may seem hard to think about at the moment, but there really are other people out there.

[Cora]

Not doing the greatest. Hit me pretty hard today. It comes in waves. I do really well for a few days and am back to a somewhat normal life....happy even. Then I have days like today where it hits me like a ton of bricks and I'm right back at square one. Thoughts of him flooding my mind...sadness, jealousy, rage... I feel so empty....so lost.

[wishyouneverleft]

Was broken today. The flood of random memories, emotions, and dreams have been hitting me as of late. Spent today sporadically tearing up, a total mess.

[wishyouneverleft]

Another day, another thought, same feelings. I feel like a failure. I've never allowed anyone so close. it felt right based on my feelings, family praising her of how such a good person she is (they've known her all her life), and her level of devotion. Any woman, even the one I'm with now ever made me feel the deep love she gave me or conjured that level commitment. Maybe its Karma, maybe its simply my intuition failing me for the first time, or simply my heart was hooked Those vivid reveries of living together, waking up next to each other, to the actual events that pushed this relationship farther along into a place I thought we were unbreakable.The little things that showed me how much she loves me, and then I plummet into the events that led to our demise. The red flags that appeared once I took the rose colored glasses. I can't beleve at 31 I finally find love only to be a facade.

[Cora]

It's funny, but now that I'm single again everyone around me seems to be in relationships and doing 'couples' activities. It just reminds me of what I lost. And now the holidays are coming up. It's going to be hard not having him around. I guess I should look at the bright side....one less Christmas gift to buy.

 

The first time he left me I was hurt, but stupidly took him back when he came back into my life. The second time around I was always on edge though....just waiting and wondering when things would go wrong and he'd leave me again. That was no way to live and eventually my worst fear came true. He left me for another woman. He's out there happy and enjoying life with his new love while I'm left heartbroken to pick up the pieces. It's like I never even mattered to him. Like our relationship, our time together and the memories we made meant nothing to him because I was so easily replaced. I sometimes wonder if he ever really loved me? Or were they just words he'd say with no meaning attached?

 

Sigh...I don't think I'll ever find another love like him.

[HiCrunchy]

I cried today at work.

I cried on the train.

I cried on my walk back home.

I cried while typing on this computer.

[BaileyB]

I cried today at work.

I cried on the train.

I cried on my walk back home.

I cried while typing on this computer.

 

I'm sorry. I understand that dark and sad place because I've been there myself. Please, get help for your depression.

[HiCrunchy]

I'm sorry. I understand that dark and sad place because I've been there myself. Please, get help for your depression.

 

Thank you dear for your kind words. No one I know saw, so its okay.

[BaileyB]

Thank you dear for your kind words. No one I know saw, so its okay.

 

It's not ok. You should not be crying at work, and on the train, and while you are eating your cereal... It doesn't matter who saw you crying. You are in pain, so you should get some help. Talk to your doctor or find a good counsellor.

[fieldoflavender]

Sigh I know you shouldn't drink poison and wait for the other side to die. I get it, but sometimes it's annoying. Like my ex's brother - he was a terrible person during the break-up and deliberately did tons of things to hurt me and is the epitome of useless selfish person who uses his parents to get him jobs. He was jobless forever and now got a job and I'm pretty sure his father had something to do with it.

 

Yes yes I know, none of my business anymore. But does it ever anger you when bad people have good outcomes? I find that happens too much for the rich and useless. Look at how long Weinstein was thriving and he wasn't even useless from a career perspective.

 

Okay fine I will stop looking up stuff on his family - what is the point. I just hate the fact that they all get away with being lazy,, rich people who never really had to try like everyone else in life.

[Cora]

I'm not living, just existing in the world without him. While he's out there happy making memories with a new love. All the while the memories that we made together are fading from his mind and from his heart. I'm being replaced because I wasn't enough for him. Why do we fall in love with people who don't love us or who stop loving us? Our hearts still loving and missing them while all of their feelings for us have died. It's like we no longer exist in their world when just yesterday we were everything to them and things were happy and fine.

 

I'm on the outside looking in....watching people around me live...be happy....enjoying life while I'm stuck, not moving forward. My life has stopped. It's standing still and I don't know what to do to get myself moving again. I don't know how to process these emotions. I'm hurting.....falling so deep into this pit of depression. Why is love so complicated? How can it feel so wonderful and amazing one second and hurt so bad the next? This confusion is eating me alive. I wish I could erase everything from my mind so I wouldn't miss him so much. When will this end? When will I start living again?

[wishyouneverleft]

I'm not living, just existing in the world without him. While he's out there happy making memories with a new love. All the while the memories that we made together are fading from his mind and from his heart. I'm being replaced because I wasn't enough for him. Why do we fall in love with people who don't love us or who stop loving us? Our hearts still loving and missing them while all of their feelings for us have died. It's like we no longer exist in their world when just yesterday we were everything to them and things were happy and fine.

 

I'm on the outside looking in....watching people around me live...be happy....enjoying life while I'm stuck, not moving forward. My life has stopped. It's standing still and I don't know what to do to get myself moving again. I don't know how to process these emotions. I'm hurting.....falling so deep into this pit of depression. Why is love so complicated? How can it feel so wonderful and amazing one second and hurt so bad the next? This confusion is eating me alive. I wish I could erase everything from my mind so I wouldn't miss him so much. When will this end? When will I start living again?

 

 

I hear you, I'm suffering in silence because I took the cowards way out. I gave up on that "head over heels" love and settled for something that's less intense, but still with a good person and that I have feelings for. The person that stole my heart is out there, possibly back with their ex, which her family helped coerce to go back if my intuition serves me right.

 

I had to do this because I run a company with people under me that put their livelihood in my hands, and I was exactly where you were. I was feeling numb, didn't care for anything, found meaning in nothing. The worst period in my life. I had to force myself up and cowardly got with someone, and now though the feelings of despair are there, I can function and with time started healing.

 

Unfortunately life isn't black and white and the gray area we have to tread sometimes may go against our morals.

 

I'm sorry for what you're going through, please keep venting here. I promise to always read you and everyone's posts and wish you guys the most sincerest desire to heal well, be at peace, and find happiness.

[fieldoflavender]

I'm so sick of dating people who don't know what they want. I went on a date with a cute guy who is also controlled by his rich parents. Sigh repeat of ex - god out of that one fast this time.

 

Meh - at least I can recognize danger signs? The old me was so stupid and I still don't know why it took so long for me to learn it. And why I had to pay such a high price to learn that lesson.

 

I know what I want. I am ready to move on. But right person is not there. Meh. Waiting game tick tock. Better to spend time with friends and doing fun things rather than with wrong person. Holiday season sucks being single - but it doesn't have to.

 

You know - I get those moments too - where I remember us setting up a tree, making jokes etc - then I flashback to the OTHER memories, of him lying to me - of him being an absolute coward of a man-child, and of him stabbing me in the back. Um what was that about ornament memories? No thanks, no more of fake nice just to have a machete in my back. No thanks.

[HiCrunchy]

No one has provided me with a good reason with as to why suicide shouldn't be a solution.

 

Its strange, but the more I have conversations with people on the subject, the more I solidify in my mind that life is not worth the effort and that the people who can kill themselves doing what is best.

 

I wish I had their courage. But humans are cowards, humans are selfish, and I am only human. sigh...

[wishyouneverleft]

No one has provided me with a good reason with as to why suicide shouldn't be a solution.

 

Its strange, but the more I have conversations with people on the subject, the more I solidify in my mind that life is not worth the effort and that the people who can kill themselves doing what is best.

 

I wish I had their courage. But humans are cowards, humans are selfish, and I am only human. sigh...

 

1. No matter how alone you may feel, you're going to affect people that truly love you.

 

2. There's no amount of pain in the world that can separate me from a McDonalds cheeseburger. I've been to other countries and tried the food which as good as it is, isn't what I like, so I don't want to prematurely take my chances in the afterlife.

 

3. Watch the Matrix trilogy at least 3 times, read books on Siddartha/Buddhism, and other eastern religions. Understand that what we usually do in this life, no matter how important, really means ****. Understand that this is all in passing and our bodies are made to withstand and experience so much more than the limits we've been taught to conform to.

 

4. Life is worth living if you're actually living it.

[Jsos91]

I haven't posted in a bit so I just thought I'd put something down for therapeutic reasons.

 

I feel like I've made quite a transition in the last month. I went through a three week period at the beginning of October where she was constantly present and I found out new information that set me back. Since then I've felt this slow shift, I went through a bout of depression and anxiety but since coming out of that, I feel like I'm moving forward. I went through a pretty good chunk of the day yesterday without her crossing my mind, which is huge for me. My best friend brought her up and I realized that it doesn't bother me to talk about her at this point, I mentioned to him that yes, I'm still processing things and trying to piece together how this all happened but, I don't feel grief about it anymore. I'm going through my days and having more moments of happiness and hope for the future than grief and endless memories of her. I'm not nieve and I'm very aware of the fact that this fight isn't over for me. I'm going to still have my bad days and setbacks and I know that based on the past 6 months, theres a chance I'll hear from her in one way or another. I'm moving forward though, and I'm feeling great about myself. She's the one who lost out on someone great who loved her fiercely and I'm able to share that love with someone else now. Thats definitely something for me to smile about.

[StrangerThanFiction]

I'm done. I'm done putting other's feelings before my own. I'm done being patient and understanding. I'm done waiting for someone to decide that I'm worth making an effort for. I AM worth making an effort for and if someone else can't see that then that's their loss. If they can't see what they have in me when they have it then they don't deserve it in the first place. I don't think I ask a lot from my partners. Honesty, loyalty, make the time to see me. But apparently that's too much. Apparently I'm just expected to sit around and wait for someone to find that they have literally nothing better to do before they have time for me. Well screw that. He can miss me when I'm gone. Maybe one day down the road he'll wake up and realize what a huge mistake he made by letting me walk away.

 

Rant over.

[vickyp]

It's been 7 mths of nc for me. I can feel myself slowly getting back to normal, like my old goofy self. I know he's a narcissist, and I accept the fact that I got duped. If I were to get a call saying sorry, I know I'd hang up. My feelings and trust are completely gone. I guess what I'm still struggling with, is why he picked me to play games with. But I like this change. I like my free time, I like being alone and I like finally only caring about my own needs. When I hit a year, I'm going somewhere fun.