How are you coping today?

[Amas5750]

Its pouring rain. I woke to the rain. In a panic also tgat i hate my life situation. Where do i go from here..how did i get here etc

Really took it hard today. Did go to the gym which made me feel.alot better.

But a whole long saturday outstretched n i scrambled to fill it.

Feeling a bit panicky

F@#$ing angry... got promised the world then he faded away.

All my friends are further along

I feel like this is my worst nightmare

I feel a bit directionless

Im so so tired

I feel like ive been hurt n let down so many times

I dont feel like myself anymore

Maybe i should take a break from work and vacation

Im just feeling particularly negative and scared tonight...i know i need to snap out of it.

[vickyp]

I'm scared ill be alone forever. Every time I see babies, I think to myself, all the lies and promises he made in having a family one day. I really just want to go to his house and punch him in the face. Just feeling down today.

[Darkchan]

Like almost everyday today is a hard day, it's even worse to some extend and the anxiety and panic is lingering over me. it's been 2.5 week since the break up and NC. It's not getting easier, I really miss him. It's hard to keep NC today, it's a real struggle. I keep looking at my phone.. it's really tempting

[lostsoul4286]

Just keep reminding myself that she broke up with me through text, letting the feelings slip away, and dealing with the pain that its over and she's actually gone.

[DarrenB]

It's been over a year now.

 

I did the stupid thing recently, and reminisced of old messages and conversations which I had found on my old social media emails... and now I'm sort of just sitting here questioning why I was so negligent, and oblivious at the fact that I had something quite special with someone.

 

A year + onwards, I'm doing better in every way shape and form, but just noticing all of what's happened between me and this particular girl, I've acknowledged everything and understood where I went wrong.

 

Guys, bitterness, resentment and spitefulness isn't the way forward. Forgive & forget but cherish what has made you smile.

[fieldoflavender]

You know I'm proud of myself. He was such a big crybaby and wimp that he went on some escapade or trip (who even knows) with his parents after we broke up in ANOTHER CITY, i.e. dropped me and his work to run away from his problems, whereas I went back to work taking only ONE DAY off to unpack my **** in my old place. And then cried through work but didn't take further days off.

 

While he is so sheltered in his 30's and ran away from his life. That's why I eventually clued in that I don't want a child-man as a husband in the future. I deserve better, and I can't pick him up everytime he can't act like an adult.

 

Today I am proud of myself, I went condo shopping and went into one where there were huge signs and happy photos of "Future Ms and Mrs" and yeah that was me and him like less than 6 months ago - and we had almost booked engagement shots and all that jazz. Do I still want all that? Hell yeah, but not with him. With the right person. I gave up SO MUCH when we broke up - my pride, societal acceptance, who even knows - but what I really have back is myself. I always knew it was wrong but I sticked around for the wrong reasons and I will never turn back.

 

So 5 months ago, I would have broken down in that condo - today I just appraised whether it would be somewhere I could see myself living - yes me, myself and I in my own new condo - no matter if and what guy is in my life. I need to live for myself and I'm glad I can pick myself up and go earn a good living, rather than relying on some man with rich parents to do it.

 

Money can be earned, by myself, not through the psychological abuse he and his family enforced on me. One's freedom of speech and thought and choices is invaluable - no amount of money can buy that.

 

So good luck to that couple who is moving on with their life as the future Ms and Mrs. Will they truly be happy or will they be like how others saw us in Europe - a seemingly happy couple? I hope the former, but photos often lie - we had loving gazes in all post -engagement pictures - all of which I have hard deleted - all 800 pictures from my hard drive. IF those pictures were displayed and someone found them, we would have looked like a happy couple too. It's scary how many people are living in misery while pretending to be happy.

 

But I know what I need and I was not happy. I would like to find love again, but I should not feel trepidation and anxiety, and cry in fear, rather than happiness the next time someone proposes to me. Always listen to your gut.

 

Some decisions are made for you, but they may be the best decisions if you come to terms with your new life. I still don't regret not being with him. Life moves on.

 

I'm trying to date again, it will take a long time - finding a man is much harder than finding a condo (Although finding a condo is hard too), but it'll happen when the time is right and for those who are patient. The right person is worth the wait.

[sorano]

Darren what's up brother. Hope all is well. Funny you mentioned that bc I found something of hers in my room that I had no idea was there. Going to be close to two years in February. I'm also doing great. Way better. Weekends don't suck anymore.

 

But the one item I found kinda kicked me and I got angry. Not sadness, just anger. You try to forgive but, it's hard when you were treated like crap. Lied to and used. One must forgive and not be bitter. But this girl, I mean the disgusting BEAST, can go inhale water. This one, I can't forgive and I hope the universe has her number. No remorse.

 

I stopped crying long time ago. Not worth it. Sometimes we play these people up and make them look like there the one. End all be all. Lonely forever. No. there is always someone better that will appreciate you. One must not shed tears on those who mishandled our hearts.

 

I like being single. It's all good.

[Jsos91]

I've been hearing about her way too much lately, a friend of mine creeped her Instagram to see her new girl. I think she was trying to make me feel better by telling me she had downgraded. She also mentioned she was out east a few days ago, where I had been a couple months ago, and showed me the picture of the famous monument she had taken there. Literally an identical photo of the one I had taken, with the exact same caption. It was bizarre and I just felt a wave of bitterness come over me. She decided to go to exactly where I had just been to cope with our wedding day that never happened, with the woman she had left me for. I know its silly and I know I shouldn't be concerned with what she's doing, it just feels weird to me that she just had to go there. I don't want to be a vein person but I can't help but wonder why....

 

Another thing that bothers me is that she still has ALL of our photos on her Facebook. She's taken them off her Instagram but not her Facebook. I understand keeping some memories and group photos, but our engagement photos and our wedding planning pictures?? Its been over 5 months now and she's with someone else, I don't understand why she would keep such intimate pictures up, her Facebook honestly looks like were still together for goodness sakes. I don't get why she doesn't just save them to a folder and take them off of a place where everyone can see them. She might just not bother with Facebook anymore or something... I know I'd still take them down after this long and after moving on with someone else...

 

Anyways, I know Im just overanalyzing and reaching at this point... these are just things that have been on my mind and I needed to lay them out somewhere. I don't know what I'd do without LS.

[Fever of love]

. Literally an identical photo of the one I had taken, with the exact same caption. It was bizarre and I just felt a wave of bitterness come over me. She decided to go to exactly where I had just been to cope with our wedding day that never happened, with the woman she had left me for.

 

 

No, you're right- that is bizarre and tasteless on her part. I would not be happy at all if my ex played these sort of games.

[Jsos91]

No, you're right- that is bizarre and tasteless on her part. I would not be happy at all if my ex played these sort of games.

 

Okay thank you, I think sometimes I need someone to tell me I’m either being vein, or I have a right to feel strange about something!

[trustyourself]

After almost 4 months NC, she texted me to meet up.

 

Like an idiot I took the bait. It was on the pretense that she wanted to give me something.

 

We met up for about two hours. The chemistry was instantly there, and instead of sitting across from me, she sat right next to me on a picnic bench and straight away was pressing her legs against mine, touching my leg while talking, told me I smelled good and touched my face saying she had missed my face/me.

 

She told me she had been taking time to work on herself, and apologized for her behaviour and explain the processes and issues she had been working on to fix herself. I told her I was glad she was working on personal growth, but it didnt matter as her family would never approve of us anyway. She responded that they would be happy as long as she was happy. Wat? She used that as part of the reason for the breakup.

 

She kept on bringing us up, and how great I was, and bringing up old memories.

 

I eventually asked if she was seeing someone, she said she was casually dating someone. Ooookaaaay.

 

After catching up for 2 hours (seemed like 15 minutes), we walked out to the parking lot, and she kept on hugging me while waiting for her uber, said she missed me and my scent. After the third long hug, she kissed me on the lips.

Then tried to laugh it off. When her uber arrived, I could see she was staring at me the whole time she was getting in and as it left.

 

She texted me later, asking a convoluted question which basically seemed like she was asking if I saw a future with her.

 

It has left me pretty confused, but at the end of the day, nothing has changed. Have not heard from her in the 3 days since, and I will be damned if I am going to reach out.

 

I know everyone will berate me for meeting her, but the heart wants what it wants. Even if I know its likely not to be.

[Cora]

Today was a good day. It was my birthday and I had a lovely time celebrating with family. Hardly thought about him at all. A part of me stupidly thought I'd get a happy birthday text from him, but I didn't which is for the best anyway. It would only bring me pain. I'm pretty sure he didn't even remember today was my birthday. The more I think about things I am no longer as sad, but angry instead. I know I deserve better. I'd much rather be single than with a person who doesn't treat me right. So as I blew out my candles and made a wish.....I was at peace and I knew everything was gonna be ok.

[jparmyguy]

Well today I messaged my ex after 6 months thinking that she was going to do some crazy stuff with this girl I was hanging around with considering she did that last time.

 

Anyways, convo went south real quick told me to go f* myself and that I was an ******* starting ****. She also told me that I need to "man up and end it". Not really sure what manning up I need to do. I was just saying because the last time she threatened the girl.

 

She then told me she started seeing someone else. Which I replied good for you. Boy, am I dummy. I should have not said anything but oh well got anxious.

[Logo]

After almost 4 months NC, she texted me to meet up.

 

Like an idiot I took the bait. It was on the pretense that she wanted to give me something.

 

We met up for about two hours. The chemistry was instantly there, and instead of sitting across from me, she sat right next to me on a picnic bench and straight away was pressing her legs against mine, touching my leg while talking, told me I smelled good and touched my face saying she had missed my face/me.

 

She told me she had been taking time to work on herself, and apologized for her behaviour and explain the processes and issues she had been working on to fix herself. I told her I was glad she was working on personal growth, but it didnt matter as her family would never approve of us anyway. She responded that they would be happy as long as she was happy. Wat? She used that as part of the reason for the breakup.

 

She kept on bringing us up, and how great I was, and bringing up old memories.

 

I eventually asked if she was seeing someone, she said she was casually dating someone. Ooookaaaay.

 

After catching up for 2 hours (seemed like 15 minutes), we walked out to the parking lot, and she kept on hugging me while waiting for her uber, said she missed me and my scent. After the third long hug, she kissed me on the lips.

Then tried to laugh it off. When her uber arrived, I could see she was staring at me the whole time she was getting in and as it left.

 

She texted me later, asking a convoluted question which basically seemed like she was asking if I saw a future with her.

 

It has left me pretty confused, but at the end of the day, nothing has changed. Have not heard from her in the 3 days since, and I will be damned if I am going to reach out.

 

I know everyone will berate me for meeting her, but the heart wants what it wants. Even if I know its likely not to be.

 

 

 

I’m sorry if I missed other posts where you shared your story about the breakup, but what was the main reason behind the breakup? It sounds like she was the one who ended the relationship.

[Cora]

He called me twice today while I was at work. Left no voicemails or anything. So I text him "did you mean to call me? Everything ok?" No response. A couple hours later he calls again. So I text "sorry, can't take calls. I'm at work. What's up?" Again, no response.

 

Wtf? He never calls me at work. This tells me either he's too drunk to be at work so he's home drunk dialing or one of his many women he's been seeing/talking to is calling me to find out who the hell I am? He lied to me many times and cheated. Threw me away like yesterday's trash. He obviously has no respect for me and is no longer interested so why else would he need to call me? I don't need this right now. Out of sight out of mind. He needs to get this under control and let me move on with my life.

[Converoma]

He called me twice today while I was at work. Left no voicemails or anything. So I text him "did you mean to call me? Everything ok?" No response. A couple hours later he calls again. So I text "sorry, can't take calls. I'm at work. What's up?" Again, no response.

 

Wtf? He never calls me at work. This tells me either he's too drunk to be at work so he's home drunk dialing or one of his many women he's been seeing/talking to is calling me to find out who the hell I am? He lied to me many times and cheated. Threw me away like yesterday's trash. He obviously has no respect for me and is no longer interested so why else would he need to call me? I don't need this right now. Out of sight out of mind. He needs to get this under control and let me move on with my life.

 

I would block his number or change your number. My ex is different from yours in the sense that I am 99.9% sure he will never contact me again. I pissed him off too much and he is a proud man. Which SUCKS, I want to talk to him, but I know, deep down, that it would do neither one of us any good. To truly cut ties with this man you need to remove his ability to contact you.

[BrokenHeartedMan89]

Really seem to be struggling today...

 

Despite me doing the right things, I was caught thinking of both of you on the drive in to work today. A hard hour of going over the same mistakes I know I made. I wish i could take it all back and start a-fresh, unbroken and warm inside again.

 

I can't seem to let the guilt go, I had a lot of lessons to learn and one of those lessons was that life doesn't give you 2nd chances, it's no Nintendo game.

 

I'm sorry for not being the man i was mean't to be. I won't make those mistakes in the future when I can open my heart to another again.

[lostsoul4286]

Really seem to be struggling today...

 

Despite me doing the right things, I was caught thinking of both of you on the drive in to work today. A hard hour of going over the same mistakes I know I made. I wish i could take it all back and start a-fresh, unbroken and warm inside again.

 

I can't seem to let the guilt go, I had a lot of lessons to learn and one of those lessons was that life doesn't give you 2nd chances, it's no Nintendo game.

 

I'm sorry for not being the man i was mean't to be. I won't make those mistakes in the future when I can open my heart to another again.

 

 

Is this Ex gf # 1 or 2?

[wishyouneverleft]

I miss you today, with vivid memories flooding my mind. I can't shake it off. I miss your smile, I miss your smell. Staring at you was like the scene with Dicaprio and Carrie Mulligan in the Great Gastby. The one her friend describes Gatsby's stare by saying, "“He looked at her the way all women want to be looked at by a man.”"

[Chilli]

They tell me this , told me that , l dunno.

but l lived it , felt it , saw your soul and things no one else will have.

this is the problem , you have soul, depth , and how can anyone else live up to that, most wouldn't even know what it is.

 

But you were also shallow in your way , you sell your beautiful soul for materialism and you don't seem to know the difference.

How could you be both, the two are different worlds, different people , but somehow you do and you let your demons rule your heart too and your head , yet lessons should've been learned but now you still pay and we still pay.

 

And so you sell your soul for a big shiny house and a suit and tie , and you think that will be happy , happy.with no soul. Maybe you even control your demons , because you'll know you'll lose it all if you don't.

 

Do you really think that's gonna work out, your 40's, nothing else has worked out for you, you already had all that anyway remember, and how did that work out.

9 yrs and it almost killed you , yet you wanna go back for more.

we were the best either of us had ever even come close to, you told me that 100 times and me you. You said l had more soul in a finger tip than anyone you'd ever met or known.

And you know what that is and you know what you've been through, yet we both had this gift of each other , just given to us, like one last chance , you told me that 100 times too.

but yet your selling yourself out, and me too, and us.

 

Just don't come back moaning in10 yrs time when another money bags in a suit has ran off on you, again and your old and broken and now you realize , finally;

Because l won't be here , and l'm not picking up the pieces again.

Edited November 11, 2017 by Chilli

[Jsos91]

So my birthday came and went and as I expected, I didn’t hear from her. Not shocking and I didn’t think I would... my mom had it right when she told me the hardest part is getting through the firsts without her and she was 100% right. I can recognize that today was a bit harder than other days because it’s my first birthday without her, when it was supposed to be my first birthday as a married couple. The day itself wasn’t too bad, I just caught myself zoning out at times and thinking about my last couple birthdays with her. I finally went on Facebook when I got home from work and the memories were hard to look at because of all the posts from her family and friends wishing me a happy birthday, just more reminders.

 

Its all dust in the wind I suppose, I just want all of the firsts to be over with.. they always bring me down.

[fieldoflavender]

Lol so I've dealt with 6 people close to me getting engaged since my engagement broke up. Well not "close to me" but like people I know who I've had to deal with the whole "shock, ring, wedding planning" business.

 

I'm trying to avoid as much as I can - and for the most part, none of them are my REALLY good friends.

 

One today even went as far as saying cheers when I told him that I had gotten engaged (so involved in his own engagement that forgot I told him I had broken up psh), but MEH, I mean at the end of the day, I'll get over it.

 

I am still a lot happier than when I was with my ex. And that's enough proof it was the right thing. Yes - it sucks I had to fall into a hole to learn that, and it sucks that other people found their happiness easier than me, and I don't have someone else, but life is unpredictable and it's about time I learn to be happy on my own.

 

And only when I am happy on my own, can I be vulnerable again to be with someone else. I should be able to take it if someone hurts me again. I hope they won't, but nothing in life is unpredictable.

 

I think I'm doing better. The first wedding was rough, but now I have learned to accept it - other people's lives are just that - other people's lives. Who knows - and I don't care - ultimately. I may care at the moment - but I will always remember that I had my own "omg it's a ring!", "omg I'm engaged!" moment(S) - but at the end of the day, can I live with this person forever and not have my skin crawl and my heart fill with trepidation at the rough days ahead?

 

No, the 2 weeks after the engagement were the worst for me and my ex - only because I was trying to run away from the truth - the unavoidable truth that we were not meant to be together. It sucks that we had to embarrass ourselves to realize that, but sometimes you just have to get out of something bad, even if it means you lose your eggs - but if it's a rotten egg to begin with, just throw it away. So you have no eggs, but you just go find more?

[Amas5750]

After being broken up for 4-5 months and not seeing him for 6 weeks i decided to pay him a visit. My intention was to sit with him n catch up. See if i could be 'over him' and gave henuine conversation. I felt the highest sense of peace i could have would be if i were nutral toward him (not holding the weight if grief ir resentment). I was also bored and didnt have much to occupy my weekend so thought couch chats might be good.

 

We had chemistry instantly again but, happikt, most of the hour was just couch chats. This break up 5 montgs ago floored me.. absolutely worst experience of my like and i became hollow and non-existant.

 

So. Couch chats made me feel like a more healed person.

 

Then things got sexual. We did take it to the bedroom.

We had sex. I initiated it.

 

You know what? The whole time i did not regret it. I stayed ontop the whole time and really was in it for my own pleasure- i didn't even look him in the eyes at all. I honestly was chasing my own pleasure. Who knew i could do this!?

Afterward i stood up, put on my sunglasses and then my clothes.. kept it light... drove away marvelling how i felt that was the right thing to do. I marvelled at how empowered i felt. Maybe i have cried about him for so long that im over him. I was really surprised.

 

The night is coming now so j hope i stay in this quite neutral space. I will go excersize now.

 

Yes, a high risk activity considering how he broke my heart and i really loved him. But for me to be so imto the sex that i am just chasing my own pleasure and genuinely dont care wgat i look like/sound like in bed......

 

Guuurl

[divegrl]

Let it hurt.

 

Let the pain come.

 

The only one out of it.... is thru it.

 

Surrender..........

 

Peace to you my friends.

[DarrenB]

Darren what's up brother. Hope all is well. Funny you mentioned that bc I found something of hers in my room that I had no idea was there. Going to be close to two years in February. I'm also doing great. Way better. Weekends don't suck anymore.

 

But the one item I found kinda kicked me and I got angry. Not sadness, just anger. You try to forgive but, it's hard when you were treated like crap. Lied to and used. One must forgive and not be bitter. But this girl, I mean the disgusting BEAST, can go inhale water. This one, I can't forgive and I hope the universe has her number. No remorse.

 

I stopped crying long time ago. Not worth it. Sometimes we play these people up and make them look like there the one. End all be all. Lonely forever. No. there is always someone better that will appreciate you. One must not shed tears on those who mishandled our hearts.

 

I like being single. It's all good.

 

A year later and we're both doing swell.

 

My prayer was answered