How are you coping today?

October 31, 2017

Single is the new awesome.

October 31, 2017

"The pain is still there in regards how cold can someone be after the partner that promised to never leave, that told you that you're the "one", that they want to marry you, simply dumps you on a whim"... This is what i have the most trouble understanding.

October 31, 2017

Thank you so much for those videos! Just watched the first one and can't wait to watch the others!

Glad you liked them! Its not a religious perspective, its universal truths that you'd find in the foundation of motivational speakers, christian and eastern religions, and western psychology.

October 31, 2017

"The pain is still there in regards how cold can someone be after the partner that promised to never leave, that told you that you're the "one", that they want to marry you, simply dumps you on a whim"... This is what i have the most trouble understanding.

Although I fall victim sometimes to that line of thinking, I reel myself back in understanding that its out of my control and I can only worry about what I did to allow this to happen. But even that is only beneficial to do initially because as time passes, the memories become less factual and more delusional and details get erased as time passes. Acceptance (what they talk about in the 5 steps of grieving) is what my goal is in the long run. The self analyzing is aided by my therapist because I know I can't do this alone. To miss the flags, to give myself unconditionally to someone that pretty much didn't deserve it, for my heart to feel so sure about the relationship based on her actions and words, is deeply concerning. Its never happened before with any woman in my 30+ years on this earth, but with all that aside, time is definitely helping me heal and learning to live with the loss and pain.

Edited October 31, 2017 by lostsoul4286

October 31, 2017

We like people who are unlikely to reciprocate.

November 1, 2017

Although I fall victim sometimes to that line of thinking, I reel myself back in understanding that its out of my control and I can only worry about what I did to allow this to happen. But even that is only beneficial to do initially because as time passes, the memories become less factual and more delusional and details get erased as time passes. Acceptance (what they talk about in the 5 steps of grieving) is what my goal is in the long run. The self analyzing is aided by my therapist because I know I can't do this alone. To miss the flags, to give myself unconditionally to someone that pretty much didn't deserve it, for my heart to feel so sure about the relationship based on her actions and words, is deeply concerning. Its never happened before with any woman in my 30+ years on this earth, but with all that aside, time is definitely helping me heal and learning to live with the loss and pain.

I guess it's hard to understand how people can be so cruel. Yes, we did have flaws in the relationship, but for me anyway I never disrespected or gave reasons to end things. Yes looking back I saw the red flags but at the same time I thought he would of wanted to change since he knew I loved him more then anything. I'm still hurt.

November 1, 2017

I'm not coping well at all. My heart hurts so much. And I'm surrounded by peers who just want to date and find men. And I feel like I'm a million steps and I'll never catch up and I'll never find someone. It's only been a month but it's only getting harder. I don't want to be here. Nothing makes me happy enough to distract me. I'm so tired. I just started graduate school and I can't focus. I hate him for ruining this for me.

November 1, 2017

I've been feeling better the last couple of days, its really been a whirlwind the last couple of weeks for me.

It's still amazing to me what hearing from her does, as soon as I see that number pop up on my phone my heart races, I start shaking, and I have a hard time thinking straight. Its not like I even expect any interesting content in your messages anymore, you've now messaged me about our bank account, my headphones, my playstation account, and more recently, if I would adopt her rabbit. Every time I hear from her, I convince myself that it HAS to be the last time, that there is nothing else she could possibly need to talk to me about. My friends now joke with me that the next time I hear from her will be about my nail clippers she still has. My birthday is on the 11th and I figure I'll probably hear from her, not because I think she really cares for me, but I think that it might alleviate some guilt and make her feel better. If I do hear from her, I think it'll be the right time to just tell her that I don't want to hear from her anymore, that I've been trying to move on and start a new life without her and that her messaging me is interfering with me detaching. I don't know wether I should bring up the fact that I've been seeing someone for the last couple months.. I guess it doesn't matter.

Now onto the next incident in the last couple weeks, she's dating her, the girl she essentially left me for. I think this is where a lot of the guilt is coming from and why I've been hearing from her. I really would just rather she left me be at this point, I was actually pretty upset that she asked me to adopt her pet after everything, that takes quite a bit of audacity and I didn't think she had it in her. It isn't the first time she's surprised me though and I should just expect the worst from her at this point.

Ive been finding that everytime I hear from her now, I'm super depressed for a couple days but I come out of it actually feeling stronger and like I've taken another step forward. I don't know if this is strange or if its a normal occurrence but its encouraging nonetheless. For this reason, I'm not sure wether I should block her at this point or not or if I should just stay the course and eventually I'll stop hearing from her once a month.

November 1, 2017

I'm not coping well at all. My heart hurts so much. And I'm surrounded by peers who just want to date and find men. And I feel like I'm a million steps and I'll never catch up and I'll never find someone. It's only been a month but it's only getting harder. I don't want to be here. Nothing makes me happy enough to distract me. I'm so tired. I just started graduate school and I can't focus. I hate him for ruining this for me.

I can relate, I almost lost my startup and job because of giving myself to the wrong person. I did things I'm not to proud of to cope with the loss, but it was either that or hit rock bottom, and I couldn't right now with everything riding. My admonishment to you is if you're support system, family, and peers aren't enough to help you cope with this hard time, find a therapist. Push this pain on them, let them help you through these trying times. That's another thing I did. I couldn't face this alone, losing a first love was just as hard as losing my father.

November 1, 2017

I've been feeling better the last couple of days, its really been a whirlwind the last couple of weeks for me.

It's still amazing to me what hearing from her does, as soon as I see that number pop up on my phone my heart races, I start shaking, and I have a hard time thinking straight. Its not like I even expect any interesting content in your messages anymore, you've now messaged me about our bank account, my headphones, my playstation account, and more recently, if I would adopt her rabbit. Every time I hear from her, I convince myself that it HAS to be the last time, that there is nothing else she could possibly need to talk to me about. My friends now joke with me that the next time I hear from her will be about my nail clippers she still has. My birthday is on the 11th and I figure I'll probably hear from her, not because I think she really cares for me, but I think that it might alleviate some guilt and make her feel better. If I do hear from her, I think it'll be the right time to just tell her that I don't want to hear from her anymore, that I've been trying to move on and start a new life without her and that her messaging me is interfering with me detaching. I don't know wether I should bring up the fact that I've been seeing someone for the last couple months.. I guess it doesn't matter.

Now onto the next incident in the last couple weeks, she's dating her, the girl she essentially left me for. I think this is where a lot of the guilt is coming from and why I've been hearing from her. I really would just rather she left me be at this point, I was actually pretty upset that she asked me to adopt her pet after everything, that takes quite a bit of audacity and I didn't think she had it in her. It isn't the first time she's surprised me though and I should just expect the worst from her at this point.

Ive been finding that everytime I hear from her now, I'm super depressed for a couple days but I come out of it actually feeling stronger and like I've taken another step forward. I don't know if this is strange or if its a normal occurrence but its encouraging nonetheless. For this reason, I'm not sure wether I should block her at this point or not or if I should just stay the course and eventually I'll stop hearing from her once a month.

I hope everything goes your way, so hard to make these decisions and figuring out who or why you're really making them.

Edited November 2, 2017 by lostsoul4286

November 2, 2017

Does anyone else still feel a lot of rage? I just want to message him many days and tell him off. I'm really upset I never got the chance to because I had blinders on and did the whole dumpee thing - oh he's so great, put him on a pedestal - and finally saw him for what he really was.

But at that point, 6 weeks too late, I couldn't go back like a mad woman and tell him off. Not because he didn't deserve it, but because it would make me look nuts.

I know it doesn't matter in the large scheme of things, but I guess if you lose your chance, you don't get to tell someone off.

I don't get why he is allowed to enjoy his life after hurting someone whereas I have to be filled with anger many days. It's like betrayal - you wake up many days very enraged.

I know we must not focus on the lives of others. I hope one day to be able to move on fully, and heal, and not care whether he is getting what he deserves. I know it's a losing game - but I am still angry.

November 2, 2017

Not well. No, I am not doing well this evening. Ugggh.

November 2, 2017

Does anyone else still feel a lot of rage? I just want to message him many days and tell him off. I'm really upset I never got the chance to because I had blinders on and did the whole dumpee thing - oh he's so great, put him on a pedestal - and finally saw him for what he really was.

But at that point, 6 weeks too late, I couldn't go back like a mad woman and tell him off. Not because he didn't deserve it, but because it would make me look nuts.

I know it doesn't matter in the large scheme of things, but I guess if you lose your chance, you don't get to tell someone off.

I don't get why he is allowed to enjoy his life after hurting someone whereas I have to be filled with anger many days. It's like betrayal - you wake up many days very enraged.

I know we must not focus on the lives of others. I hope one day to be able to move on fully, and heal, and not care whether he is getting what he deserves. I know it's a losing game - but I am still angry.

I wouldn't bother to give him the satisfaction of knowing he hurt you. I think silence is the best revenge.

November 2, 2017

To the ghost that I'm mourning: I wish you were never taken away from me, I wish you were actually her, but unfortunately she created you by mirroring my qualities. I wish she would of let you stick it out and until you said yes when I was going to propose. I miss you Abigail. I miss the strong connection we had. You're my first true love, and in my 30+ years of life I never felt what I felt for you. Unfortunately I'll never let her back in, not because I'm afraid, but because I'm with someone now, and even if I was single, its something I'll just cherish as an experience. Because once again, you never existed.

November 2, 2017

To the ghost that I'm mourning: I wish you were never taken away from me, I wish you were actually her, but unfortunately she created you by mirroring my qualities. I wish she would of let you stick it out and until you said yes when I was going to propose. I miss you Abigail. I miss the strong connection we had. You're my first true love, and in my 30+ years of life I never felt what I felt for you. Unfortunately I'll never let her back in, not because I'm afraid, but because I'm with someone now, and even if I was single, its something I'll just cherish as an experience. Because once again, you never existed.

Have you read up on narcissism personality? Because in some ways your ex sounds like mine. It was all a game. It made me feel abit better reading and learning about those monsters. Hope that helps. Just know your pain is felt.

November 2, 2017

To the ghost that I'm mourning: I wish you were never taken away from me, I wish you were actually her, but unfortunately she created you by mirroring my qualities. I wish she would of let you stick it out and until you said yes when I was going to propose. I miss you Abigail. I miss the strong connection we had. You're my first true love, and in my 30+ years of life I never felt what I felt for you. Unfortunately I'll never let her back in, not because I'm afraid, but because I'm with someone now, and even if I was single, its something I'll just cherish as an experience. Because once again, you never existed.

I almost fell over when I read this post. You sound so much like the man I just broke up with... shockingly similar

I had to go back and read some of your posts to make sure! Anyways, its crazy how the human experience can be relatable on so many different levels.

Good luck my friend.

November 2, 2017

I almost fell over when I read this post. You sound so much like the man I just broke up with... shockingly similar

I had to go back and read some of your posts to make sure! Anyways, its crazy how the human experience can be relatable on so many different levels.

Good luck my friend.

I'm confused, I remind you of the guy or my ex reminds you of the guy?

November 2, 2017

Have you read up on narcissism personality? Because in some ways your ex sounds like mine. It was all a game. It made me feel abit better reading and learning about those monsters. Hope that helps. Just know your pain is felt.

I have, I've also read up on sociopath, NPD, BPD, and other conditions. She came from a home where her grandmother raised her so her mother she considered to what in her own words was "just like a friend", her father left before she was born, sketchy past, lied about even the minute details about her career ambitions that my family cleared up since they knew her and her family for decades, and finally all the selfish red flags I ignored.

She actually had the audacity to reach out via a facebook call after 2 months, and after I told her never to contact me again and I swore I'd never look for her. My aunt and cousin already told her not to contact me either. I ignored the call (though it wasn't easy) and blocked her. That was the last avenue she could have reached me in since other mediums she's been blocked. Its almost traumatic to find out the person you gave yourself to physically, mentally, and emotionally, that you thought you knew could change in a matter of days and throw everything away and dump someone. Just like that.

November 3, 2017

I have, I've also read up on sociopath, NPD, BPD, and other conditions. She came from a home where her grandmother raised her so her mother she considered to what in her own words was "just like a friend", her father left before she was born, sketchy past, lied about even the minute details about her career ambitions that my family cleared up since they knew her and her family for decades, and finally all the selfish red flags I ignored.

She actually had the audacity to reach out via a facebook call after 2 months, and after I told her never to contact me again and I swore I'd never look for her. My aunt and cousin already told her not to contact me either. I ignored the call (though it wasn't easy) and blocked her. That was the last avenue she could have reached me in since other mediums she's been blocked. Its almost traumatic to find out the person you gave yourself to physically, mentally, and emotionally, that you thought you knew could change in a matter of days and throw everything away and dump someone. Just like that.

That's because these people (including my ex) don't know what a healthy relationship is. Really at the end of the day, they were just using us for their benefit. People are sick these days. What gets me threw when I'm having a weak moment, is remind myself the names I was called. That pretty much shuts down my weak times. Hang in there

November 3, 2017

At night its been hitting me hard lately. Just thoughts of how I could have avoided all this and kept the relationship going. That last time we spoke how she couldn't even see me via Facetime because she just woke up in her hotel room in my state the week she dumped me and decided to still come and visit, even though we used to go to sleep and wake up together via Facetime since we lived 4k miles apart. The memories are partial now and have to remind myself the bad parts that led to this, other wise I start missing her like mad and thinking it could have worked out.

November 4, 2017

Can't stop crying obviously. Cried on the way to work this morning....cried at work and cried on the way home. Once again it's the weekend and instead of being over at his place like I usually am every weekend I'm at home miserable, sad and lonely. I wonder what he's up to? Is he with a new female companion? It hurts me to even think about.

My birthday is next Tuesday and all my mom can do is ask me where I'd like for her to take me for dinner? I don't even want to think about that. Fun is the last thing on my mind. I took the day off work next week and all I want to do is shut my phone off...disconnect from the world for the day and stay in bed and cry. When will the torture end?

November 4, 2017

You deserve better Cora, don't ever forget that. I forgot it and I wish I never did. And I hope I never will again. Just because people don't treat us well and lie to us, doesn't make it okay.

Anyone ever hear dumb stories like Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez getting back together and for a tinge, wonder if your ex will ever change? But then think about Justin Beiber - do you think he will really change? Time will tell? But at least he put some leg work in.

Our ex's (most of us here anyways) will never do that. So in the future, I will only trust true actions, rather than lines. I scoff at my naivety in believing all the bull that he used to feed me about how I was the most beautiful, wonderful, and best person. And then you throw away my work letters after we break up. Right, that's what you do to someone you once "loved'.

So let the fleeting thoughts be fleeting. Could the ex change? Yes, they COULD but it would take a heck lot of time, maturity, and growth. The only thing we can change is to change ourselves and mature and demand what we deserve and be able to provide as a good healthy partner.

And in the end, what will happen will. There is no point waiting for someone. If fate has it, and both people put effort, sure it COULD happen. But I'm not going to hang my hat on anything, and unfortunately, the last memory someone leaves me, is the only one I can trust - and that is one of someone deliberately hurting me for selfish reasons. So unless I ever see clear chances of that changing (Fat chance), then I know what to do.

November 4, 2017

Does anyone else still feel a lot of rage? I just want to message him many days and tell him off. I'm really upset I never got the chance to because I had blinders on and did the whole dumpee thing - .

Yeah anger took a while for me to develope it probably happened 1-2 months later. I have it somewhat (on and off) 4 months in. I got angry to him once. It was cleansing and i felt better (and guilty) after

November 4, 2017

Can't stop crying obviously. Cried on the way to work this morning....cried at work and cried on the way home. ?

I remember this. It does pass. Cry your little heart out darling, its thereapeautic.

My heart goes out to you. I know your pain.

Have a good cry then try to stop crying n feel a calm wash over you. Crying releases stress. Then hopefully a calmness 4 you xxxx hugs xxxxx

November 4, 2017

"The pain is still there in regards how cold can someone be after the partner that promised to never leave, that told you that you're the "one", that they want to marry you, simply dumps you on a whim"... This is what i have the most trouble understanding.

Homestly! The one who tried on engagement rings with u and told his mum he would marry you etc etc then...BUHBYE oh well C'YA!!

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