How are you coping today?

[Amas5750]

Just crying hardcore.

 

My sisters baby shower and all my peers from highschool (all married with kids) will be there. They will ask about m partner and pity me silently when they find out im single.

 

I cant see myself ever having feelings for another man.

 

I know my head is not in a good place but my sisters baby shower is this weekend (the sister that didnt supporynme at ALL through my devastating break up). I dont want to see the highschool people.

 

It just kills me tgat i have to go through this weekend. Is this some sick joke?

 

Im just bawling. I will be happy for this weekend to pass. I just cry thinking about it

[lostsoul4286]

Dreamed about her last night. It was so real.

[Logo]

Not a night goes by without my having nightmares. And even though I get enough sleep, for the most part, I can't seem to get a restful night's sleep. The last two weeks have been tough, nightmares every night to the point that I wake up feeling depressed. It's not just one nightmare or one bad dream, it's several. Terrible dreams, most of which I can't remember when I wake up, but they leave me feeling emotionally exhausted and battered.

 

During the day, I try to keep myself distracted at work. But I'm not necessarily productive. I distract myself enough so as not to have to think about my feelings -- sorrow, sadness, fear, feeling lost with no direction.

 

Echoes of things she said to me sometimes reverberate in my head. But then I try to catch myself and stop. She drove a stake through my heart. Why did I let her? Why do I continue to allow her to do that to me, even in her absence?

 

It's amazing how someone you once felt so close to and loved so much can become a stranger again. And just like that they're out of your life.

It's an odd feeling. I suppose it's like everyone else, people come into our lives and leave and we move on....................................

[Logo]

Just crying hardcore.

 

My sisters baby shower and all my peers from highschool (all married with kids) will be there. They will ask about m partner and pity me silently when they find out im single.

 

I cant see myself ever having feelings for another man.

 

I know my head is not in a good place but my sisters baby shower is this weekend (the sister that didnt supporynme at ALL through my devastating break up). I dont want to see the highschool people.

 

It just kills me tgat i have to go through this weekend. Is this some sick joke?

 

Im just bawling. I will be happy for this weekend to pass. I just cry thinking about it

 

 

I felt the same way a few years ago when I was invited to go to my college reunion. Over the years, I kept telling myself that one day I'll go, but only after I've settled down, with a significant other. I don't know why, it's as though I considered it some kind of accomplishment knowing that others in my class are already married and have already had a few kids.

 

And although it put pressure on me and still does, I try not to compare myself to others and simply strive to be the best I can be through my own eyes, not through the eyes of others.

[Jsos91]

I dont understand why I love you... I can't admit it to anyone in my life except for my therapist at this point. I'm still in love with you.. after everything and after all of the awful **** you've put me through.. you still have your hooks in me. I think my best friend might smack me upside the head if I told him that lol.

 

You continue to send me messages every month.. this time it was to ask if I would adopt your rabbit because you haven't been able to care for him properly...why me? why on Earth would you come to me about something like this? if I need help from someone the last person Im going to ask it from is you. I shouldn't even exist to you anymore. Not only that but you gave me this huge backstory about your parents and how they've been having health problems and are struggling. I have no business knowing these details on your life anymore.You have her anyways, the one you left me for... so why? why continue to reach out to me? theres no point and I'm better off without hearing from you at this point, Im happier and I feel stronger.. I just wish you would leave me and the past alone. I think I've come to the decision that if you reach out one more time Im going to tell you to please stop contacting me, its nothing personal and I don't think you mean it to be malicious but, I'm just not ready for any contact.. I can't even promise I'll ever be ready. My love for you ran deep.. deep enough that I don't think it will ever go away enough for me to look at you the way I look at any of my friends.. its not your fault and its not my fault, but some exes just aren't meant to be friends.. even if they truly want to be. I'll always keep our memories tucked inside my heart.. and once in a while I might dust them off and play them through.. they're ours and ours alone and thats special.

[Amas5750]

E: the baby shower tomorriw. Thank god that half of the highschool girls arent coming. Thank god so much.

What a relief. Also there will be sooo many ppl there. Im looking somewhat forward to it cos hopefully can socialise with family that i love.

 

Alsp i went round to help her prepare. If i switch into "helper" mode it felt soo much better. I dont know why. I will go early n help her set up tomorrow. Im so greatful that "helper" mode makes me feel alot better

[Bentayga]

I'm not really coping from day to day. I go through the motions of my days and do things I'm meant to, but it hurts all the time.

 

It hurts that almost three years with someone means nothing, and she's already with someone else. It hurts that she's moved on to that extent. It hurts that she doesn't even wonder how I am or pick up the phone to see how I am or to apologise for hurting me or to see if I'm even still breathing. I just don't exist to her and that is the worst part.

 

I can't contact her because she is expecting me to. I can't contact her because I won't heal if I do. I can't contact her because apparently she's with someone now and I don't want to know anything else about it. I can't contact her because we're 'over'. All I know is that it hurts and I just have to internalise most of the pain because my friends think I should just be over it by now, or because myself and my ex aren't in contact that it's 'over' but it's still going on, for me. It's all still painful.

 

clist8511, I'm in the EXACT same situation as you. 3.5 years with her (we were engaged), broke up 8 months ago with constant contact. 2 weeks NC now and no reaching out to see how I'm doing, what's going on with me, etc.

 

I know it's for the best, just sad knowing that someone that once loved you so much and that you were each other's EVERYTHING, turned into being their nothing.

 

I hate it, but I have to continue to accept it.

[Amas5750]

Really broken sleep last night due to sosters bsby shower today. It just brings into focus where my life is.

 

I really just need to stay centred today or i vould really lose my mind

[Cora]

I started bawling uncontrollably last night. To the point I was shaking all over. I gave myself such a bad migraine. I took some meds to help me sleep and for the pain while listening to some music. My God the dreams! Dream after dream after dream of him. Can't remember them all, but in one of them I was actually having a conversation with the woman I have a feeling he's seeing now. I have slept the day away today...just sleeping, dreaming and crying. Such a vicious cycle. I've been popping my migraine pills like they are candy because I can't stop crying which causes the migraine to come back which defeats the purpose of the meds.

 

My co-worker invited me to come hang out with her today, but I've been so damn depressed I turned her down. She doesn't know what's going on. Nobody does. I haven't told anyone. Don't know how much longer I can put on my happy face in front of people. This is my venting place. You guys are the only ones who know. Don't know what I'd do without this place. Can barely see to type through the tears. God why can't I stop crying???

 

How can he move on so easily like I never even existed in his life? How can he be so happy when I'm hurting like hell? Did I mean nothing to him? Why isn't he hurting? It's odd because even though I ask that I don't want him to hurt. I'd never wish this pain that I'm feeling on him or anyone. Why can't I just snap out of this? Seems just like yesterday we were happy and spending time together. How did things go so wrong so quickly? How did this all fall apart? I'd give anything to go back in time...to hold him once more...to have one last kiss. And here come the tears again. I loved him so much...I still love him. I don't want anyone else. No one could ever take his place. I even miss his dog who used to sleep beside me. I miss the smell of his cologne....the way he'd wrap his arms around me as we slept. I miss waking up early and watching his peaceful face as he slept. Never thought I'd say this, but I even miss the god awful sound of his snoring. I miss his little quirks too. Miss the way he'd run his fingers through his hair when he was stressed about something. I miss lying in bed with him on Sunday mornings talking for hours and then realizing it was already afternoon! I miss being able to open up and tell him anything without being judged. I miss the happy times. I miss his silliness, his humor and his smile that could light up a room. I miss movie nights and trying new restaurants together. I miss his sense of adventure and him wanting to do things on a whim like waking up in the middle of the night and wanting to go to the beach with such childlike excitement. I miss the little things. How he made me feel special. His "I love you's" and "goodnight pretty eyes." I miss how safe he made me feel. I miss our strong connection and how everyday felt new and exciting. I miss everything about him and our time spent together. So many memories we made. It was special and now it's gone...just gone. How can it be?

 

I pray that we can all find some peace. It helps knowing I'm not alone...

[Cora]

I love this song and it describes so perfectly how I'm feeling.

 

Youth, by Daughter...

 

Shadows settle on the place, that you left

Our minds are troubled by the emptiness

Destroy the middle, it's a waste of time

From the perfect start to the finish line

 

And if you're still breathing, you're the lucky ones

'Cause most of us are heaving through corrupted lungs

Setting fire to our insides for fun

Collecting names of the lovers that went wrong

The lovers that went wrong

 

We are the reckless

We are the wild youth

Chasing visions of our futures

One day we'll reveal the truth

That one will die before he gets there

And if you're still bleeding, you're the lucky ones

'Cause most of our feelings, they are dead and they are gone

We're setting fire to our insides for fun

Collecting pictures from the flood that wrecked our home

It was a flood that wrecked this

 

And you caused it

And you caused it

And you caused it

 

Well I've lost it all, I'm just a silouhette

A lifeless face that you'll soon forget

My eyes are damp from the words you left

Ringing in my head, when you broke my chest

Ringing in my head, when you broke my chest

 

And if you're in love, then you are the lucky one

'Cause most of us are bitter over someone

Setting fire to our insides for fun

To distract our hearts from ever missing them

But I'm forever missing him

 

And you caused it

And you caused it

And you caused it

[Fever of love]

Not! we're all on the same boat round here, its not getting better.

 

'What becomes of the broken-hearted?'

 

They end up posting on Loveshack.org

 

Had to visit the doctor for the third time since June, due to this breakup. I'm still feeling very 'Out of the ordinary' 'Not myself' and Not 'behaving like other people do' after break-ups either.

 

He gave me some medication for anxiety, and valium. But the fact is I'm not coping well at all, and its hard to even admit it offline now. But I do need help, this is as overwhelming as ever.

 

You people on here are the only community that reassures me that what we are all feeling is normal.

 

Love to everyone one Loveshack.

[Cora]

I had bought him a new pair of expensive shoes he likes. It was kind of a belated birthday gift I was going to surprise him with since his dog ate his other pair. I ordered them last week before things went south and he stopped talking to me. I got a notification that they are supposed to arrive tomorrow. What the hell am I supposed to do with them? Is it stupid of me to still want him to have them? Only because I put a lot of time and effort into picking them out. I searched for days until I found just the right pair. I just don't want them in my house. I don't want to just send them back either since I put so much time into finding them. A part of me just feels like dropppng them off on his doorstep. He can give them away, trash them or whatever the hell he wants. At least I won't know either way.

 

Well I guess his new roommate moved in this weekend. He told me about the guy he met who was here doing contract work and looking for a place to stay. The ex decided to rent his spare bedroom out to him. I was shocked since he told me so many times how he had roommates back in his college days and that he would never have them again. Why the 180 now? He once asked me to move in with him....saying it was different living with a significant other. I turned him down though because I wasn't quite ready for that and I am very independent. The only way I think I could ever live with a guy is if things got so serious to the point of planning marriage. Otherwise, I like my own space.

 

I don't know...he's changed so much within the past week. I no longer know this man. He went from this warm, caring, charming man I fell in love with to this cold, distant, confusing stranger. How does he flip so quickly? How do I go from being the most special person in his life to a meaningless no one? How does he turn off his feelings so easy and suddenly while I'm struggling and drowning in mine?

[Cora]

This poem kind of gives me some comfort and helps me cope. Figured I'd post for others just in case it helps any of you as well...

 

 

Let me not pray to be sheltered from dangers

but to be fearless in facing them.

Let me not beg for the stilling of my pain

but for the heart to conquer it.

Let me not look for allies in life's battlefield

but to my own strength.

Let me not crave in anxious fear to be saved

but hope for the patience to win my freedom.

Grant that I may not be a coward,

feeling Your mercy in my success alone;

But let me find the the grasp of Your hand in my failure.

[Cora]

I'm at work and not coping so great. I didn't want to get out of bed this morning, but I forced myself because I knew all i'd do is mope around and cry. I just feel so sick. My stomach is in knots. I have no appetite and what I do eat I can barely keep down. Never in a million years did I think I'd take it this bad, but then again, never in a million years did I think I'd be heartbroken like this again so quickly. This just sucks. Wish I could wake up from this nightmare!

[Cora]

Well, may have not been the smartest move, but I went to his place after work and took him his shoes I bought him. I was shaking and nervous the whole way there. I wasn't even sure he would open the door. I had everything planned out in my head that I was going to say. Didn't even plan on going in. So he opens the door and I just blurt it all out. I said "I know you're probably busy or have plans so I'm not going to stay. Just wanted to give you your gift. I'm not sure if they are your style or if you'll like them....not even sure if they are the right size. If not you can give them away, trash them or whatever. I know the dog ate your other pair so just figured I'd get you new ones." I could tell he was kind of taken by surprise. He thanked me and hugged me and invited me in. I went in and sat for like five minutes chatting about work etc...just small talk. He wasn't acting quite himself....could of been because his new roommate was home or maybe he's just indifferent towards me now. I did not bring up him ignoring me or anything like that. I wasn't my usual warm self either though because I was hurt. It was all I could do to hold back the tears. I was very standoffish. I told him I wouldn't keep him any longer and got up to leave. He walked me out, we said our goodbyes and that was it. Started crying on the way home. He sent me a text thanking me again for the shoes and saying that was very sweet of me.

 

It was hard seeing him again after he had been so cold. I wanted so badly to go back to the way things were between us. But I know that's impossible. It felt weird leaving his place and not embracing and kissing like we normally did. I just knew I had to get the hell out of there before I started crying. I knew if I brought up the relationship...the things that went wrong and him pretty much ghosting me then I'd lose it and I did not want him to see me cry. I had sooo many questions to ask him about what went wrong and where we stand etc. But his actions told me a lot. I could tell he was done with me. I feel like there may be someone new in his life. Anyway, I got the damn shoes out of my house and gained some perspective. It was good to see his dog again. He jumped right in my lap...very happy to see me. It's funny, no matter what, dogs never change and are always happy to see you. Humans are a different story. I'm gonna miss that dog.

[Cora]

You know...I don't get it... Why do people ghost, ignore, lie, pretend things are fine, string you along etc.? I mean why can't they just say "hey, I've met someone new", "I'm no longer interested", "I think we should end things" etc.? Things would be so much easier! This really makes me angry! I mean I've had this done a lot to me even when I ask them to please just let me know and be honest with me when you're no longer feeling things. They can't seem to do that though. So of course I'm left there in the radio silence confused as ever. Wondering where the hell do we stand? Like they never said we were done so we must be still together, but then they have gone mia and won't return texts and calls so we must be done. And I'm sitting there wondering was it something I did or didn't do? What the hell happened? There's this little thing called closure that a lot of people don't get and it hurts like hell! Makes you feel like you mattered so little to them and they didn't respect you enough to even give you an explaination...to tell you it's over....to give you a simple goodbye. I don't get it???!!

 

Sorry for my rant. This just gets my blood boiling!

[lostsoul4286]

You know...I don't get it... Why do people ghost, ignore, lie, pretend things are fine, string you along etc.? I mean why can't they just say "hey, I've met someone new", "I'm no longer interested", "I think we should end things" etc.? Things would be so much easier! This really makes me angry! I mean I've had this done a lot to me even when I ask them to please just let me know and be honest with me when you're no longer feeling things. They can't seem to do that though. So of course I'm left there in the radio silence confused as ever. Wondering where the hell do we stand? Like they never said we were done so we must be still together, but then they have gone mia and won't return texts and calls so we must be done. And I'm sitting there wondering was it something I did or didn't do? What the hell happened? There's this little thing called closure that a lot of people don't get and it hurts like hell! Makes you feel like you mattered so little to them and they didn't respect you enough to even give you an explaination...to tell you it's over....to give you a simple goodbye. I don't get it???!!

 

Sorry for my rant. This just gets my blood boiling!

 

 

Trust me, getting any kind of closure by getting insight on what went wrong is a facade. When you get dumped, you'll never know the real reason. It'll be just a web of lies. I found solace in just accepting that it didn't work out, at least from a closure stand point. The pain is still there in regards how cold can someone be after the partner that promised to never leave, that told you that you're the "one", that they want to marry you, simply dumps you on a whim. Not to sound vengeful, but time wounds all heels.

[lostsoul4286]

The weekend was dreadful. The pains and memories come without notice. Almost said her name when I was making love to my girl. Once again, I don't miss her in the sense that I would take her back if she knocked on my door. Its like I'm mourning a ghost, a woman that died and will never be back. When my ex removed the mask, that's what it felt like. The woman I fell madly in love with ripped out in the course of a few days, never to return. The person that stood before me was unrecognizable. She's reached out and I've ignored her, my cousin tells me my aunt saw her recently and she looks unhealthily thin. She's not used to men rejecting her and not playing her games, and the fact she's reaching out from different places she hasn't been blocked further proves she's realizing something. What it is I can't let me self imagine, its over, and I have to keep reminding myself that. There's nothing for me there but pain, false hope, and angst.

 

From my immature side though, I hope karma catches up to her; that the pain she caused me she feels tenfold. That the ring, my love, our future, the children we planned to have, the trips, family we planned to raise (I know redundant), after swearing to me we were going to do, have, and said I was the one for all these things, that everything she threw away, someone does to her as well. That she forever will remember me as "the one that got away".

[divegrl]

I feel like the world continues to spin around me...... but I’m just standing still.

 

Everyone once in a while I’ll get a text.... are you going to this party, conference or get together. It’s just I forgot all about it. My mind has been on him.

 

What crashes, crashes. What flows, flows.

[Cora]

Trust me, getting any kind of closure by getting insight on what went wrong is a facade. When you get dumped, you'll never know the real reason. It'll be just a web of lies. I found solace in just accepting that it didn't work out, at least from a closure stand point. The pain is still there in regards how cold can someone be after the partner that promised to never leave, that told you that you're the "one", that they want to marry you, simply dumps you on a whim. Not to sound vengeful, but time wounds all heels.

 

Sigh...I guess you're right. It would be a web of lies wouldn't it? I don't know...I try to put myself in the dumpers shoes and I realize it must be so hard to tell someone it's over and why it's over...letting down the person you promised the world to. I get that. Maybe they don't want to deal with the backlash, the crying, the screaming. Or maybe they are just scared to confront them. But on the other hand I know how bad it feels to not just be able to not get a truthful explaination, but to not even get a goodbye. They just vanish. I'd like to think that if I were ever in a dumpers position that I'd at the very least tell the person I'm dumping goodbye or it's done.

[lostsoul4286]

Sigh...I guess you're right. It would be a web of lies wouldn't it? I don't know...I try to put myself in the dumpers shoes and I realize it must be so hard to tell someone it's over and why it's over...letting down the person you promised the world to. I get that. Maybe they don't want to deal with the backlash, the crying, the screaming. Or maybe they are just scared to confront them. But on the other hand I know how bad it feels to not just be able to not get a truthful explaination, but to not even get a goodbye. They just vanish. I'd like to think that if I were ever in a dumpers position that I'd at the very least tell the person I'm dumping goodbye or it's done.

 

I hear you. Dwelling on that will drive you mad, the thing is their actions reveal we never really knew that person and assuming is a slippery slope filed with time consumption that will affect your life, work, and well being. I catch myself as soon as I start thinking "Why would she do that if..." because the answer is simple, she simply didn't feel the same way I did.

[Cora]

I hear you. Dwelling on that will drive you mad, the thing is their actions reveal we never really knew that person and assuming is a slippery slope filed with time consumption that will affect your life, work, and well being. I catch myself as soon as I start thinking "Why would she do that if..." because the answer is simple, she simply didn't feel the same way I did.

 

I really need to learn to stop dwelling and thinking about it too. It's true that they just didn't feel the same way. That is indeed the simple answer. All I can say though, is that they are in the wrong line of work. They really should look into acting. They are damn good at it!

[lostsoul4286]

I really need to learn to stop dwelling and thinking about it too. It's true that they just didn't feel the same way. That is indeed the simple answer. All I can say though, is that they are in the wrong line of work. They really should look into acting. They are damn good at it!

 

Ha! I was just thinking about the same thing today about my ex. Well, she's a law student overseas, so I guess her ability to feign emotion at that caliber won't go to waste.

 

Here's a little something that's helped me:

 

[fieldoflavender]

I feel we get into traps sometimes. Whenever we hear someone else engaged, married, with kids, happy blah - we think about happier times once upon a time, and miss all that and wish we weren't in the predicament we were in.

 

It's getting less painful for me though - I get those thoughts for 1-2 hours, then I remember how badly he treated me with the break-up, and all the loneliness, shame, and sacrifices I made in moving on seem worth it. There is no happiness in being with someone who's not right for you. You may love someone, but it is futile if there is no effort and maturity in the relationship.

 

And I take those thoughts, and the bad things he did, and move on. Looking ahead...other people will date, get engaged, get married, have babies, have grandchildren - but we have to be true to ourselves. What do we truly want?

 

I know I want and deserve more than just a partner in name. I want someone special - they don't have to be perfect, but I need to want to make sacrifices for them. I need to feel better with them there when times are tough, than to want them to disappear and leave me alone.

 

And that's why I am alone right now. And you know what? I feared it for the longest time - but it's not so bad. Me, myself, and I are not doing too shabby right now. =)

[Cora]

Ha! I was just thinking about the same thing today about my ex. Well, she's a law student overseas, so I guess her ability to feign emotion at that caliber won't go to waste.

 

Here's a little something that's helped me:

 

 

Thank you so much for those videos! Just watched the first one and can't wait to watch the others!