How are you coping today?

[tnt41]

Not great today. Hormonal & super pissed off about everyone & everything, him included. Also stuck in an uncomfortable family weekend, so my emotions are even more on edge.

 

I'd unblocked him in a moment of weakness, & he reached out shortly thereafter. He apologized, admitted my feelings were reasonable, & took responsibility for his actions that led to my no contact. He wants to be friends in the future but accepts that he likely has lost his chance. He felt a call to me was a necessary step in becoming a better person. He says that he's trying to change, & I do believe that's at least a little true as he's not one to take responsibility.

 

He's not there yet, though, & the less attractive side of the conversation reminded me that I'm better off without him. He's only recently told his new girlfriend a little about us, & that was because he wanted me to come to a gathering within our friend group. From what he's told me, he downplayed everything, didn't explain why we aren't on speaking terms, & left out how he handled me AFTER he was already in a committed relationship. He also stressed that I should do the "adult" thing & be his friend in the future (we were close friends before our feelings got involved)... if not for our sakes then for the sake of mutual friends. The adult thing for me to do is to continue to distant myself from someone I neither trust nor respect.

 

I do appreciate the good in his contact, & I said as much. I really do understand how I can be difficult to handle. It doesn't excuse the bad he did at my expense, & it doesn't excuse the disrespect that he displayed in contacting me yet again, telling me how much he missed me (I've made it clear that I don't want to hear that kind of nonsense) & pressuring me into a friendship that's not in my best interest. He's promised to leave me alone at this point, so this will be the best way to gauge how much he actually changes. I'm truly hopeful that he's fully committed to grow as an individual. I also hope that he truly leaves me in peace. Only time will tell, I guess.

[Amas5750]

Had SUCH a good day yesterday. Socialised with 4 different mates. Walked in the sun. Positive vibes and had a sense of heightened wellbeing for the first time in months. Hurray! Delicious taste of happiness that evaded me for months.

I felt really connected to friends. Its the connectedness that i got high off.

 

Today, however, different story. Still saw 2 friends but i just felt tired moreso.. went to the beach but kind of wanted to be in a dark room .

 

Why so up n down. I cried today twicw and cried zero yesterday!?

 

I'm not bipolar.

[Logo]

I feel like I’m running on fumes. I have lost the strength and energy and the confidence to talk to women. I’ve been rejected so many times in recent months that I’m starting to feel like I have a sign on my forehead that reads, “Do not approach”.

 

At this point, I have lost the confidence to approach a woman and strike up a conversation because I have yet to get a positive reaction since the breakup.

 

 

I think I need to work on myself and forget dating for a while, pretend that women don’t exist in the world.

 

 

The problem with being in a relationship with someone who betrays you, is that not only do they waste your time, but they screw with your confidence and you find yourself wasting time afterward grieving the relationship. It’s a three for one deal. That’s great, isn’t it?

[fieldoflavender]

It's okay, we're still trying to find ourselves. I find I get triggered really easily when I'm stressed with other stuff that has nothing to do with relationships and him.

 

Then because he represents nastiness in my life, all the stuff replays and I get hurt again. It becomes the cycle - sometimes I let myself into dark places, and think about how good things were at a point - and then realize how fake it was based on how he deceived me and let me to feed to the wolves.

 

So I am more skeptical now when I think about dating other people - they may be nice now, but who knows when the knife in the back will happen again?

 

I'm a lot more practical about money and protecting myself in case **** hits the fan. Because honestly you never know.

 

And Logo, if you're not ready - you're not ready. Luckily for you, guys don't have a biological clock so wait until you're ready. Even if we do have a biological clock, I'm still going to wait until I'm ready and for the right person.

[trustyourself]

Been just over 3 months of NC. I thought I was getting to a good place, but this weekend has been awful. I suddenly cant stop thinking about her and I miss her so much I feel sick.

 

Its likely she has moved on and is with someone else. I know its over forever now, as she has not reached out like she usually does. I should be relieved, and I have been, but the last two days have been tough.

 

How do I move on? She was terrible to me, and I should be so over this.

 

I want to scream. I cant believe how much she has damaged me.

 

i hate it, and feel like I have made no progress when these hard days come back. I thought I had turned a corner, but I guess not.

[fieldoflavender]

I'm weak this weekend =(

 

I know this is super stupid, but I keep wondering - do they even care?

 

It's hard sometimes, you think about the things you had once shared, the dreams you once had, and then you realize that if you were to drop dead right now, they wouldn't even know because you likely will never speak to them again. And that's for the best - the logical side of your brain says so, but it seems to hurt a lot that someone who once claimed they cared so much, could care less if you drop dead.

 

I guess today, I know I shouldn't let someone take control of my destiny, but I am just scared - so scared to love again. To get backstabbed and blindsided like that again. It's not easy for me to trust, and this thing really hurts your confidence, just like Logo said.

 

You wonder how someone can scheme and plot to hurt you. I had lashed out but most of it because I was so upset and didn't control my emotions well. Sure, it wasn't right, but it speaks to a different level when someone knowingly plots to hurt someone they claim to have cared about.

 

Sigh, maybe we all do need a break. I am scared of breaks to be honest - I am just left with all these terrible memories and dark thoughts. I would rather be distracted.

[Miss Spider]

I unblocked my ex on my stalker fb account and now i have to wait 2 days...two days!!!! before I can really go NC because I have to block him again. DAMMIT. anything can happen in those 2 days. Why cant i just stop doing this. Where is my will? Why does the answer matter?WE'RE OVER. jesus get a grip, cookie!

 

Now what do i do

[fieldoflavender]

I've done that too Cookie. It's okay as long as we don't actually talk to them. Well I mean it's not great, but it's better than actually completely breaking it. Sometimes we get weak, it's okay.

 

But you've probably had more than 1 ex. And you were able to get through it in the past - and while this person may feel like they're "different" etc, they're not. Someday there will be someone better .MAybe not this month or even this year, but there will be. And this will be a laughable history.

 

I'm waiting for that day. We should still proactively meet other people. Not rush into things, but try to get ourselves out there so we can widen the chance of meeting someone better. Yes, there will be people even worse than our ex's - but hey, it's a waste of 1 or a few dates, not like the amount of time we wasted on our ex.

 

Moving on....

[fieldoflavender]

I'll also admit something even more embarrassing - the daydreams of how they will come back to you - flowers and all, apologetic and ask to be back together and they knew they were wrong, and they need you , and they haven't been able to live without you.

 

Ha, they don't need me - they're doing fine on their own, they're still spiteful, and they will never really realize their mistakes, and our problems are pretty much irreparable unless a miracle happens. And the realist in me says - stop living in la la land - and move on. Look at what happened to the main characters in la la land. Pretty good indicator that it's time to move on.

[divegrl]

I think it's slightly better when the person wasn't a complete jerk? At least you don't hate your own judgement that much. It just doesn't feel right, and that is less of a crime than making a huge mistake being with someone who just wants to hurt you if you're not together. Or actually did hurt you during the relationship too.

 

But regardless, it all sucks. Yeah I wonder about the other things too - are they now happier with someone else? But I really could care less about him, I've figured out what type of woman he needs (i.e. one who will cater to his needs, loves money, and can't think on her own mind loving to be controlled by him and his family), but I doubt he will even figure that out for himself. Well lucky to him, lots of gold diggers all around.

 

I'm ready to move on and date other people, I don't want to be back with him - I just don't know how I can trust properly again. And any hint of red flag, I would rather screw it - why bother going back to a pit of misery again?

 

Yeah I agree. For us, it just didn't work. I don't know how to describe it.

 

Another person said, a break up leaves both people hurt... no one wins. Which I agree with.

 

I am ok.

 

I am at peace.

 

The physical nausea has subsided. One moment at a time.

 

Wishing you peace my friend.

[Amas5750]

I

 

Sigh, maybe we all do need a break. I am scared of breaks to be honest - I am just left with all these terrible memories and dark thoughts. I would rather be distracted.

 

 

My boss walked into my office last week and told me that i have too much annual leave saved up &that i need to take leave from work. I nearly threw the keyboard at her.

[Amas5750]

I'm weak this weekend =(

 

someone who once claimed they cared so much, could care less if you drop dead.

 

 

Ugh. Yes someone who swore their love can, in my case, tell me to "get a grip" and have no remorse.

 

Um yeah. How did they love us then change their minds? Evaporate? Ummm. Confusing &awful

[EthanSPK]

I'm feeling good. Really good. Maybe just a bit restless, but that's it. It's been years since I've felt like this.

[Miss Spider]

I'll also admit something even more embarrassing - the daydreams of how they will come back to you - flowers and all, apologetic and ask to be back together and they knew they were wrong, and they need you , and they haven't been able to live without you.

 

Ha, they don't need me - they're doing fine on their own, they're still spiteful, and they will never really realize their mistakes, and our problems are pretty much irreparable unless a miracle happens. And the realist in me says - stop living in la la land - and move on. Look at what happened to the main characters in la la land. Pretty good indicator that it's time to move on.

 

 

Exactly I cry when I have those fantasies sometimes. But it's a good cry. Or sometimes I'll hear a song and see of us in the lyrics and think maybe he can too. Maybe he thought of me. Then I realize nah. They're happy to be rid of me. I know my ex only regrets giving me chacne to begin with

[Amas5750]

Pretty good tonight. No pain.

 

Just got absorbed in a tv show.

 

Delicious blank no real pain

[lostsoul4286]

Woke up with mild pain, but missing her. Remembering what we had and how it ended, how she didn't respect my wishes of no contact after she asked me to respect her wishes of breaking up.

[fieldoflavender]

Ugh. Yes someone who swore their love can, in my case, tell me to "get a grip" and have no remorse.

 

Um yeah. How did they love us then change their minds? Evaporate? Ummm. Confusing &awful

 

Yeah I feel if you can say those words, there must be SOME basis to them. It's one thing to try for years, and work out and do counselling, and then say - I've tried, I can't do it. It's another thing to propose 2 weeks and then have a big fight and go - oh I can't anymore, let my parents come break up with you while I run away, far far away! Oh and by the way, give the ring to my dad, because I'm too chicken to take it back myself.

 

That helped to put it in context like that. Who the heck was I engaged to?

 

Yes I need to find a real man. Moving on....

[lostsoul4286]

Yeah I feel if you can say those words, there must be SOME basis to them. It's one thing to try for years, and work out and do counselling, and then say - I've tried, I can't do it. It's another thing to propose 2 weeks and then have a big fight and go - oh I can't anymore, let my parents come break up with you while I run away, far far away! Oh and by the way, give the ring to my dad, because I'm too chicken to take it back myself.

 

That helped to put it in context like that. Who the heck was I engaged to?

 

Yes I need to find a real man. Moving on....

 

I'm so sorry you guys, I thought I was the only one until I came here. After my girl promised me she'd never leave my side, told me she wants to marry me... dumps me a week before proposing and when I sent a pic of the ring tells me "I never told you to go out and buy a ring". The next day after breaking up with me she calls me and after ignoring her calls e-mails me asking for a package of hers that was going to my house and wondered if she could get it. Just like that. Then came a mix of back and forth telling me she loved me, but then tried to give me lame excuses about why this couldn't work.... but before she was telling me nothing can tear us apart, we'll get through all the humps together.

[Jsos91]

Well the worst has happened.. the person my ex had a crush on when she left me is now with her.. it’s official..

 

It’s been going on 5 months since we split and honestly, I wouldn’t feel too bad about it, if it weren’t THAT person.. just gut wrenching..

 

I have been seeing someone myself and she really is incredible.. I think it was going to kind of suck to get that peice of news no matter when it happened.. it’s more, like I said, the person it involves.

 

I feel a weird sense of calm at the moment.. like now that the worst possible scenario has played out, it’s just done.. I almost feel this odd sense of closure and I can officially just start to close the book on it entirely.. it’s kind of freeing.

 

It also does kind of show once again, that I dodged a bullet and I’m so much better off. I have a chance to be with someone steady and committed.. who will stick with me through anything and that’s something I can smile about at this moment.

[lostsoul4286]

Feeling like crap; the feelings of despair and grief are coming much stronger today. I listened to Slipknot's "Snuff" yesterday on repeat because could relate to the words so deeply. It felt so real when we were together

[clist8511]

I'm not really coping from day to day. I go through the motions of my days and do things I'm meant to, but it hurts all the time.

 

It hurts that almost three years with someone means nothing, and she's already with someone else. It hurts that she's moved on to that extent. It hurts that she doesn't even wonder how I am or pick up the phone to see how I am or to apologise for hurting me or to see if I'm even still breathing. I just don't exist to her and that is the worst part.

 

I can't contact her because she is expecting me to. I can't contact her because I won't heal if I do. I can't contact her because apparently she's with someone now and I don't want to know anything else about it. I can't contact her because we're 'over'. All I know is that it hurts and I just have to internalise most of the pain because my friends think I should just be over it by now, or because myself and my ex aren't in contact that it's 'over' but it's still going on, for me. It's all still painful.

[CeciliaCylara]

As each day passes, I realize more and more how much you’ve taken me for granted. It’s why I’ve shed these tears for you while you go on in life without a care in the world. You’re right. You don’t deserve these tears if all you’ve done is use me and toss me away. You caused this, and you continuously run to get away from your feelings. Your guilt. You ran because I saw the REAL you. I know your secrets. I know what you try to hide from yourself and you just can't handle it. I see it in your eyes when I saw the pictures of you and her. You're still a sad human being, no matter where you try to run or who you try run with. You can’t even bring yourself to be sorry. If you were really sorry, you should have told me how you really felt and not string me along for months and years while you were too scared to admit you didn’t feel the same way about me like I did you. I’ve loved you this entire time, but you’ve never loved me the same way. You don’t even have enough love for yourself for it to go around. You probably tried to love me too... but love is an action and your actions showed little of it. You can't love me because you can't love yourself. You just keep trying to seek validation for yourself, whether it be the attention from women or coworkers or your family. But you're still going to be empty inside because realizing your value has to come from within first.

 

I don’t want to believe you’re a bad person, but your actions have been showing otherwise and you just sit there doing nothing about it. You're not taking your behavior as serious as you should. You’re still selfish and immature. It’s ALL about you. A child in the body of a grown-ass man.

 

I know you’re sick. I know it’s hard to accept. But with each day you ignore it, you’re going to make it worse for yourself. You’re going to leave a path of destruction and hurt the people who try to get close to you, like you did to me. And the longer you stay on this path, the harder you're going to make it for yourself to recover. By then, you only have yourself to blame. You’ve hurt me over and over and OVER again. I forgave and gave and you don’t appreciate a damn thing. And there’s no way we can ever be friends again. Not while you’re set in this path.

 

So this is goodbye. Your storm and your selfishness are no longer welcome here. Don’t ever come back until you can finally show up as a man and face me. It’s not that I hate you. In fact, I still love you. But I’m never going to let you or anyone break me again. I deserved so much better. I was good to you, and then after over three years, you just left to chase someone else who's got mental problems just like you. You abandoned me to pretend to be a white knight to someone else because you just can't be one to yourself and need validation from someone who doesn't know how small you really are inside. You are weak. A fake. A coward. A sick, selfish monster.

 

That's all I can see of you now, when I used to see you as an amazing, beautiful person, whom I fell in love with. You chose to go down a dark path and I'm not going to chase after you into it.

 

You put me through one of the worst pains imaginable in my life. I need to protect myself now. I need to pretend that you're dead and gone and I can never reach you. Because if I don't, I'll only feel the pain again when I see the monster you've become. The good memories I've had with you will become blur again. I need you to disappear so these happy memories I had with you won't be tainted anymore. They're all I have left of you as I grieve the loss of the love of my life.

[Highndry]

One word: Crappy.

[fieldoflavender]

Does anyone feel like you're racing against a clock that you have no control over?

 

I know I'm supposed to be happy alone. I'm supposed to be self-sufficient alone. But it's so hard. That's why I hung so hard on a relationship last year that was wrong. I don't regret leaving it. It was wrong. But being alone isn't "right" either.

 

But it's so hard to find the right person. And so begins my journey to be "self-sufficient"?

 

For women, it's harder with the biological clock, etc. I try not to let it get to me. But it's hard.

 

But I have fear now - and I don't want to settle.

 

I don't even know how to be sad anymore - what is the point?

[Miss Spider]

Does anyone feel like you're racing against a clock that you have no control over?

 

I know I'm supposed to be happy alone. I'm supposed to be self-sufficient alone. But it's so hard. That's why I hung so hard on a relationship last year that was wrong. I don't regret leaving it. It was wrong. But being alone isn't "right" either.

 

But it's so hard to find the right person. And so begins my journey to be "self-sufficient"?

 

For women, it's harder with the biological clock, etc. I try not to let it get to me. But it's hard.

 

But I have fear now - and I don't want to settle.

 

I don't even know how to be sad anymore - what is the point?

 

kind of. It's like FOMO for me. I feel comfortable on my own but at the same time like one day that's going to change majorly and I'll turn around and realize I missed the bus. Or I'll have to settle for something worse than if I settled now