How are you coping today?

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I'm not coping well tonight at all, but it has nothing to do with an ex or a current romantic relationship. My twin sister completely blindsided me a few hours ago by telling me she and her family are moving all the way across the country, and in fact already bought a home there. And it's not for a job offer or anything like that, as they own their own company and work remotely from anywhere. She's being completely manipulated by her emotionally abusive husband who wants her and the kids away from everyone "here" who believes differently than he does (with regard to religion). Obviously so much more to that story, but I'm very angry and heartbroken for so many reasons . We've all been so worried for a few years now that this would happen so he could isolate her/them even further, and exactly what we feared would happen is happening .

[whatnot]

7 year relationship

break up a year and a half ago.

N/C since.

Therapy twice a week for the past 5 months.

 

 

Missed her so badly today.

 

Tonight....I looked at her FB page. I don't give a darn if she knows it or not. And I'm glad I did. She's posted pictures of herself....in new sunglasses LOL

 

She's showing the world how "pretty" she is. lol those glasses look ridiculous. Something I liked about her....her vanity. lol When....the fact is...to me....it just showed her vulnerability........but to her....she's "all that" LOL so...I could never really share with her what i found so beautiful about her....it was the very things she hated about herself so much....and it would make her feel badly.

 

I'm glad I looked at her FB page. I don't miss her so much now LOL

[fieldoflavender]

You need to delete her from Facebook. Unless you guys are "Friends" but honestly a clean break is better. Evidently it's still affecting you.

 

I think you still care for the person if you miss them when things are going well. I don't care about him one bit. All that is left is resentment and anger. Except I've come to terms that it's not worth my while to express any of it because it wouldn't do me any good (would make me look crazy). So I'm holding back not because I care about him, but because it wouldn't serve me well.

 

The only use he would serve at this point is if he could let me tell him how much of a mistake he was. But meh, I'll just keep it to myself. And here. He doesn't even deserve to know - it is more of a punishment that he continues to believe that all of this is still only my fault.

[whatnot]

We're friends. It broke me when she said she wanted to see other men. It was me that broke it off...when she told me that.

 

I'm not even a FB person. Never have been...until it broke. I've never been a FB guy. It's beginning to become more clear to me....what people mean....when they say....

 

"She never got over him". or...."He never recovered from that".

 

I'm not the person I used to be. I'm never gonna be again. There's been to much loss in my life. Being 59....cancer, loss of her, loss of my career, loss of my hobby....and loss of something else that's that's important to most men....

 

It's not always happy endings. I"m old enough to see that now...i think....I'm "liking to think" it doesn't have to end this way...but it feels as if "who's kidding who..." nothing else matters. I've had it all....I don't know what else there is to have....that I've not had...

[Amas5750]

Feeling "ok" much of the time now. 3.5 months out. Not crying all the time.

 

Got more anger than before n way more clarity

 

He started to feel "other" a few weeks ago

 

Doing "ok"

[Logo]

Feeling depressed and lonely tonight.

 

Something got screwed up in my head after the breakup. I started looking for red flags and I started seeing them everywhere I looked because I was afraid that I might end up having to go through another grieving process. I have gone through 2 in the last 2 years. And it has taken a great toll on me.

 

So now if I have the slightest doubt that the other person and I will not work out well in the long run, I call it quits after the first date.

 

Besides, since January, I have only managed to go on 2 dates. And I have tried more than a 100 times, whether out at bars or online.

 

I don't get it.

[whatnot]

ok year and a half n/c 7 year relationship......everything centered around that human being. my (*me*) life was put on the back back back back back burner....a burner so far back....you had to hike into the woods to find that part of the stove hahaha (ain't that funny !!! (I crack myself up)

 

 

OK....ANYWAY....TODAY....I'M MAKING MONEY AGAIN...AND IN A WAY THAT IS FUN......BUT!! (when you use all caps it takes one's ability to make a point, OK....use caps JUDICIALLY!)

 

Anyway...I've got anxiety out the ***. For 2 years (it seems....but who's counting).....I've been *depressed....**woe is ME**....*... and now?

 

Today I'm talking to a business associate....and I'm making myself a life without feeling bad......I've felt so bad for so long....I cannot remember the last time I felt well or good or hopeful about anything. And now....I can tell....my life is moving ....it's moving in a positive direction...more than I can remember.....and it's *Freaking me OUT*. Anxiety out the ying-yang. My heart is racing.....it's almost like a panic attack....because ....these feelings are racing through me so overwhelmingly GOOD feelings and I do NOT know what to do with them or how to handle them. I have to get in touch with my shrink.....he said this would happen.....never believed him....and learning to be a man. SOOI I"ve never been a man in ome's life...;.and it's hard....to comprehend...............................................

[vickyp]

4mths of nc and I can say most of the time recently I feel ok. Today I feel abit sad. I applied for a job in another city and I'm looking for a house. I'm sad Bc we had talked about where to live and important things we wanted in our house. I guess it also makes me today Bc he hasn't reached out at all. Not even to say sorry. - know I shouldn't expect that. But it still hurts. Makes me feel like in 3 yrs I meant nothing. - keep thinking about the horrible names he would call me. Just because I didn't go to Harvard, doesn't make me dumb or a loser as he liked to tell me often. Reading these post from ls users makes me sad too. I can't believe these type of people exist. What is wrong with people? Does noone want to work out issues? Not ready to date or even think about it. Makes me scared to be honest. I feel like the next person who comes along in the back of mind I'd be wondering if they were of s###. I don't want to think like that. I believe there are still good people around. Just finding them is the hard part I guess. I hope this feeling passes soon.

[Rogo]

Still miss her so much. 2 months yesterday. I feel like I'm never going to get over this.she Constantly on my mind. Mutual friends is making this hard. I hear things. She asks about me. It's a mess. I'm a mess. Please end

[Amas5750]

So today was an ok saturday. Yesterday night i was eating alone in a restaurant and felt SO lonely and abnormal that i cried afterwards :-(

 

Today much better than that. I had a church related womens brunch with 20-30 warm and welcoming ladies and some good talking. Also comforting biblical lessons.

 

Tonight meeting with 2 friends. I hope to keep it light with no crying n as hopeful a spirit as i can muster.

 

Sometimes i feel SO alone m scared. Scared i will never, ever want to date again. Scared that i have no partner to help me if i get into trouble to get sick. I'm really doen if i dwell on the unfairness of it all. I just take to bed. But if i dont dwell then i go out n do nice things like today n tonight :-)

[Amas5750]

Today is sooo long. Whag should i do with me!?

[Chilli]

You need to delete her from Facebook. Unless you guys are "Friends" but honestly a clean break is better. Evidently it's still affecting you.

 

I think you still care for the person if you miss them when things are going well. I don't care about him one bit. All that is left is resentment and anger. Except I've come to terms that it's not worth my while to express any of it because it wouldn't do me any good (would make me look crazy). So I'm holding back not because I care about him, but because it wouldn't serve me well.

 

The only use he would serve at this point is if he could let me tell him how much of a mistake he was. But meh, I'll just keep it to myself. And here. He doesn't even deserve to know - it is more of a punishment that he continues to believe that all of this is still only my fault.

 

 

Sh@t , sounds a bit like where l'm starting to arrive at.

l was warned l might end up hating her and sadly, l do know now l finally love hate her, l can say that much.

l really don't know if she's just a sad victim of some real nasty personality issues she can;t control , like the bdp people l've talked to suspected, or if she's just a straight out pain in the ass , or what.

But l dunno, it's all ended up about the most disastrous destructive relationship l've ever had. As hard as l tried to help it and work on it.

 

It's just insane the way that in the end , it was even worse than ever after all that, it'd actually gone backwards by miles to a point of just impossible .

It was just some things earlier, but in the end,even the most loving intent just got turned upside down, inside out , dissected into 20 pieces and blown to bits .

It was literally like trying to shovel dirt with a pointy stick.

l ended up no saint in all this too , that's for sure , l can only take so much bs ,but that only makes it 10x worse . tHEN She had not only her make believe stuff but almost like real live ammo to twist around and throw back even harder among it all as well then.

l even considered that maybe she actually orchestrates the whole thing so that that's how it ends up and then she can just use real stuff.

 

We've tried to stay in touch , l know we both love each other and hoped we could reconnect again and work it out , l know she loved me. But her head , her past, or whatever combo it really was , l do know it was at least her past that much l can say.

But did she put the devil in him for 7yrs too first ,l think she might've.

She just has some natural ability of turning you into the very things she dreams up and accuses you off.

Don't ask me to explain it , l just can't.

 

Can't love her, give her love, have the best intent, help her through , comfort her, say anything, eggshells everywhere , argue, anything, it all just gets tangled and twisted and blown to bits.

 

They warned me it'd get worse and worse and it just did.

Maybe she's really just a scared little 46yr old girl , l dunno anymore. l wanted to help her and love her and make her know no one will hurt her again but it all comes at ya so fast and furious in the end you end up doing the exact opposite .

l know l still love her , but l think l'm starting to hate her too, Such an ugly word , but that's how it feels.

Edited September 17, 2017 by Chilli

[fieldoflavender]

Hope that you guys are all doing well. I'm the same, meh. Still getting bursts of anger, I feel like it's hard to even wipe this person or history from my life even though it was less than a year. Ick. I just don't get why I was so stupid and every day I wish there was something more I could done to see it sooner so I couldn't have let him hurt me as much.

 

But I guess what doesn't kill you in life makes you stronger. Better now than like 10 years older right divorced with 2 kids or something dragged out in some nasty custody battle. That's all I can tell myself?

 

Meh.

 

Hang in there. At least we're no longer with these people.

[Amas5750]

Usually dont cry anymore but today cried alot in the shower. I feel its so unfair. Also feel like ill never, ever, ever be able to trust again. Which is very sad.

 

I feel like i should be further ahead. Im pretending im further ahead for the benefit of some people.

 

I see my ex like once a week or once a fortnight. He hasnt wanted to see me recently and that hurts alot.

 

I feel kind of isolated. My friends are all getting married n having kids and im eating cold chicken schnizel alone. How could god be so cruel. It avtually hurts my body n soul. I was sooooo happy at the start of this relationship n my ex fell apart at the seems.

 

I feel like a victim because i am a victim.

It hurts soooo badly

[clist8511]

Usually dont cry anymore but today cried alot in the shower. I feel its so unfair. Also feel like ill never, ever, ever be able to trust again. Which is very sad.

 

I feel like i should be further ahead. Im pretending im further ahead for the benefit of some people.

 

I see my ex like once a week or once a fortnight. He hasnt wanted to see me recently and that hurts alot.

 

I feel kind of isolated. My friends are all getting married n having kids and im eating cold chicken schnizel alone. How could god be so cruel. It avtually hurts my body n soul. I was sooooo happy at the start of this relationship n my ex fell apart at the seems.

 

I feel like a victim because i am a victim.

It hurts soooo badly

 

Don't pretend to be at a stage you're not at for other people.

[Stuck2532]

Coming in here to vent today.

 

I finally felt a little better this past week. Still cried in the car whenever a certain song comes on. I can't avoid it. At least it's not all-out sobbing anymore and it's just a couple of tears that slip out, like venom oozing out of a recent snakebite.

 

Yesterday, she was coming out of school as I was going in. I didn't realize it was her until I was pushing the door to go in and she was pulling it to get out. By the time I saw it was her she had walked past me. I said "Hey!" and she told me she didn't realize it was me and was in her own mind at the time. She came in for what I thought was a kiss on the cheek (Spanish people still say hi this way), but she ended up hugging me instead. It was real. She held me tight. She told me she was happy to see me and started to small talk about our classmates graduating and such. But yesterday felt different. I wasn't struggling to look at her anymore. I wasn't hurting just standing there 2 feet away from her. It was a normal conversation between "friends", as much as we can still be that thing. I know she is totally over it now, with her live-in boyfriend and the house they bought together. I'm happy for her. She obviously did not want to get mixed with me and my M, and she understood there was no future, as did I. A part of me feels like she still cares for me, in a way. I tell myself if she didn't care she would have destroyed my M after the A was over. She didn't, and I am thankful for that. It seems like she is still keeping her distance, but still reaches out whenever she thinks I want to hear about something related to school/work. It's like I'm still in the back of her mind somewhere.

 

I don't know how I feel about that. Would it be better if I wasn't in her mind at all? Who would that be better for? I suppose it would be better for both of us, although she seems to be doing pretty well. Would it be better for me? I guess she would be easier to forget if she completely ignored me, but that would hurt me much more than accepting that whatever we had ended 2 years ago. I am doing my best to be a good H and a good father, and many times I feel like it's working out pretty good.

 

It seems like closure is finally approaching, or least the door is slightly closed instead of wide open.

 

I hope you are all fairing better today than yesterday.

[Jchav123]

Backstory:

1. Spent most of this year pushing my ex away because she ended up being exhibiting BPD tendencies and I was emotionally exhausted.

 

2. She pursued me but I refused. About July she said shes done talking to me and went NC.

 

3. 3 weeks in I reached out and found out she had already started dating someone else "most amazing guy ever" a week after her NC.

 

4. I was distraught and depressed over it. Started talking again, and we even hooked up all while she was being this new guys GF two weeks in.

 

5. I went on a bender Labor day weekend and hung out with friends and social media posted everything. She lost it and became jealous and stopped talking to me again, threatened if she saw one of the female friends I was with she would attack her on the street. Posting this from her boyfriends house btw. Accused me of cheating when we were together but that never happened. She actually cheated once on me though.

 

6. I sent her a stern email saying that was absolutely rude and I didn't appreciate it. We email argued a few times back and forth and I ended it by saying that I understand she moved on and is happy. I am here if she wants to talk.

 

Now:

I feel like I was the bigger person by ending this because it just wasn't working. She was up and down with black and white thinking and I was just depressed and mentally drained. I figured before we start the cycle all over again I would just throw the ball in her court and be done with it. But last email, text, call, anything was almost 2 weeks ago and my emotional side is still wishing she would reach out and reply to me.

 

But my logical side is saying if she does what could I possibly do at this point to make anything better? We had a tumultuous relationship and now that she is with someone else so fast all I want is to be with her again. It's like I would rather be miserable with her than miserable alone. But even if we got back together I would always be looking at her carefully, wondering if she is running around behind my back.

 

I know I am doing the right thing by staying NC but I can't focus on anything but her. It's especially hardest in the mornings and night time when is the times I would see her by staying over her place or she over at mine.

 

I have been busying myself any way that I can but it's simply not enough. I don't know what else to think or do. I can't stand the thought of this feeling lasting months or even years. We were only together 1.5 years and broke up at least 8 times.

[fieldoflavender]

Usually dont cry anymore but today cried alot in the shower. I feel its so unfair. Also feel like ill never, ever, ever be able to trust again. Which is very sad.

 

I feel like i should be further ahead. Im pretending im further ahead for the benefit of some people.

 

I see my ex like once a week or once a fortnight. He hasnt wanted to see me recently and that hurts alot.

 

I feel kind of isolated. My friends are all getting married n having kids and im eating cold chicken schnizel alone. How could god be so cruel. It avtually hurts my body n soul. I was sooooo happy at the start of this relationship n my ex fell apart at the seems.

 

I feel like a victim because i am a victim.

It hurts soooo badly

 

I get like that too - but honestly better to be alone than in a ****ty marriage and I bet that people from the outside thought you guys were fine too until you broke up. At least I know people thought I was happy (not my close friends, they kind of knew).

 

And try to stop seeing your ex - just my personal opinion. Just rip off the band-aid, if you don't hate him, that's good, but like just give it distance. and when you're fully healed, then you can be "friends" again.

[Liesbeth]

I still miss you (at least how you were at the beginning of our relationship) and I hate how you made me believe that you were perfect for me. It's a curse and I can't get the image out of my mind. You made me feel like I could fly and it was awesome!

 

 

I still try to grasp what happened, what went wrong between us. It felt like a fairytale and I guess in a way it was. It was never true, it was too intense. Infatuation maybe, but not love. I mistakenly took it for love. I don't know if it was intentional or not, but you wrecked me. I gave you all my love and you just left me. You dumped me without ever looking back. No explanation, no nothing.

 

 

I know I have to stop thinking about you, I have to move on. I find it so hard to do. I see you every day at work and I sometimes don't know how to cope. Sometimes all I want to do is scream at you so that you acknowledge my existence. I don't understand how you can be so cold, but I guess I should no longer try. If anyone has tips on how to cope with an ex at work, please share as today I don't really know what to do anymore.

 

 

Love,

Liesbeth

[BryanSmiley]

I still miss you (at least how you were at the beginning of our relationship) and I hate how you made me believe that you were perfect for me. It's a curse and I can't get the image out of my mind. You made me feel like I could fly and it was awesome!

 

 

I still try to grasp what happened, what went wrong between us. It felt like a fairytale and I guess in a way it was. It was never true, it was too intense. Infatuation maybe, but not love. I mistakenly took it for love. I don't know if it was intentional or not, but you wrecked me. I gave you all my love and you just left me. You dumped me without ever looking back. No explanation, no nothing.

 

 

I know I have to stop thinking about you, I have to move on. I find it so hard to do. I see you every day at work and I sometimes don't know how to cope. Sometimes all I want to do is scream at you so that you acknowledge my existence. I don't understand how you can be so cold, but I guess I should no longer try. If anyone has tips on how to cope with an ex at work, please share as today I don't really know what to do anymore.

 

 

Love,

Liesbeth

 

I've replied to you before on the forum as I'm in a similar situation working with an ex. I wrote out a private message but you have to have been on the forum a month or two and sent so many messages before you can receive PM's. Hang on in there, take pride in how you are keeping on and pulling through it at work. Although you can't totally get away from it working with them, it still gets easier.

[Chilli]

Well , it's her birthday today. l changed the age up there for ID reasons just encase but it's close enough.

 

How crazy must things be that this is the third time l've had cards and presents but we've imploded before l could even actually give them. Third time. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

l've still got one sitting here from 12mths ago l never did end up giving her.

 

She'll be totally alone today, in a new state and a new unit. Her mum will ring her from across the globe, her son won't even acknoledge it, he won't even send a card.

 

l had beautiful plans, l hate her being all so alone now today. l tossed and turned all week and last night about whether to just drop the sh@t and still just do it , or not, and to hell with it. But she probably won't even see it like that anyway,she'll probably twist it all up and around into me being weak or something , the way she was acting. But she'll still check everything to see if l've sent something.

 

But , it's just sad that it has to be like this for her today.

Edited September 19, 2017 by Chilli

[Chilli]

Part of it l had to order and arrange last wk so that it could be delivered and on her doorstep today as a surprise .

l'd even been thinking this break has helped us, l think we'd be ok now , this is all savable.

That very morning we imploded, again.!!!!!!!!

How ironic , and sad , and crazy.

Edited September 19, 2017 by Chilli

[fieldoflavender]

No birthday gifts. They don't deserve it. My ex ain't getting nothing from me. He can go waste his money. I wish I could ask for the stuff I gave him back - not the monetary stuff, I don't care. I made him gifts last year, and to be honest, I wish he has thrown them out because he doesn't deserve it being the jerk he was in the end.

[Chilli]

Hmm, no gifts huh, thanks , tbh l wasn't sure. Really l must be mad even considering it anyway, go figure eh.

Sorry about the stuff you've made ,l get it and have myself. It means far more than anything you can buy.

Edited September 20, 2017 by Chilli

[Liesbeth]

I've replied to you before on the forum as I'm in a similar situation working with an ex. I wrote out a private message but you have to have been on the forum a month or two and sent so many messages before you can receive PM's. Hang on in there, take pride in how you are keeping on and pulling through it at work. Although you can't totally get away from it working with them, it still gets easier.

 

Hi BryanSmiley,

 

 

I remember you, thank you for reaching out! I guess I have to post more then

 

 

How are you doing?

 

 

Liesbeth