How are you coping today?

[Rogo]

I thought I was coping but I'm really not. I feel this tight chest, nauseous feeling all the time. I can't believe that I've just been forgotten about like this.

I agree. I'm still not coping well. Stupid mutual friends. Dam Facebook. I still hope she will realize that she made a mistake. And want to come back. And I can't believe that she has just forgotten about me too. Idk. Very bad couple of days I guess. Just want this pain to end it getting old. Frustrating. I just want to be the happy person I was. I'm miserable.

[trustyourself]

I agree. I'm still not coping well. Stupid mutual friends. Dam Facebook. I still hope she will realize that she made a mistake. And want to come back. And I can't believe that she has just forgotten about me too. Idk. Very bad couple of days I guess. Just want this pain to end it getting old. Frustrating. I just want to be the happy person I was. I'm miserable.

 

Hang in there brother.

 

I have had a strange week. Mentally I understand that she is gone, likely for good.

 

I understand that we dont work well together. But I still miss what we had. We had a connection.

 

I am still dreaming of her every now and then, which bothers me.

 

I still cant listen to the music I love, because it became "our" music and it hurts too much. Mainly because it reminds me of the weekend where she got distant. One day she is telling me that she misses me and a band is playing "our" music, wishes I was there, as no one looks at her the way I do, and the next day, withdrawn.

 

I will never understand that. But I have accepted I will never understand.

 

It is now almost 7 weeks NC.

 

I feel I am starting to heal. Our relationship feels like a long time ago now.

 

But I still think about her all the time. Mostly in a nostalgic way.

 

I still miss her.

[MikeLeno]

Terrible week - Hurricane Harvey put me on a set back. Finally left the house today after being flooded in for almost a week. That made me/gave me so much time to just think, which ended up about her.

 

I now can't get her out of my mind....Waking up and getting conscious till I am ptfo. This really sucks. My coping ways of studying for my MCAT, working out and jogging, and starting to meditate doesn't seem to work. And everyday when I check social media, I see that she's so happy and makes me feel like I was never part of her life. I feel like I'm the one carrying the load and all of the memories while she can just go out and enjoy herself.Also, I feel like I'm annoying my supportive friends now too. I just don't know what to do anymore.

[Jt93]

Hi All,

 

Didnt really know what else to do as i needed to get things off my chest so i thought i would put it out here, hopefully to make me feel a bit better.

 

not going into details about my break up as there is already a thread on that, my girlfriend of 5 years split up with me on 24th May. the last time i spoke to her was 18th June, although she tried to get in touch a couple of days later and i do admit to looking on social media a couple of times but we arent friends on there.

 

just over 3 months have passed and after an initial tough period for the first 2 weeks i thought i was handling it well up until the last couple of days.

 

I have friends and see them regularly, i have family who i live with but work shifts so i see them regularly too and in work i mostly work as part of a team so most of the time i am not stuck for someone to talk to but I cant help but feel i have no one. No one to spend quality time with and no one to talk to about my problems or listen to theirs. I feel so distant from the whole world.

 

When i am occupied such as when im in work as part of a team or when im in the gym im fine, but its the time alone that affects me the most, i find myself aimlessly looking on my phone at social media or this site not talking to anyone, but looking at other peoples posts with them looking happy in their relationships or children or holidays etc which isnt good for me. I hate going to bed at night time alone and waking up alone with no one there with me.

 

Ive tried speaking to other girls, i dont think i have a problem getting speaking to them but i am not very confident and i think how im feeling rubs off on the conversation and it always ends up with them not replying to one of my messages, of which i never send another message as i take it that they are not interested. Because of this i just havent bothered trying for the last week or so because in my head i just feel like the same outcome will happen.

 

I have a lot on the horizon coming up for me that i have explained in other threads that i would imagine a lot of people would be jealous of, but i just cant shake these feelings off. I dont think i miss my ex as a person, if anything i dislike her after what she done but i still miss how we used to be and most of all the company.

 

I know in the future i probably will find someone else but i dont know if they will be able to click with me like my ex did, i just felt like we were exactly on the same page but obviously she didnt. i cant see myself meeting anyone new any time soon but im trying to get out as much as possible, keep in shape and occupy my time when i can but i need to learn with how to deal with the times i am not.

 

Has anyone else felt similarly to me and got through this ? any advice would be great, or even from people who havent but still have advice to offer, i would be very appreciative.

[Logo]

I had a really bad date a couple of days ago.

 

The little arrogant, loser of a date rejected me. I, who by all counts have a lot going for me.

 

It made me feel angry. And since then I've been thinking about reaching out to my ex. The same ex who cheated on me. I felt like I needed the comfort and affection of someone I know or knew or thought I knew, just anything to make me feel better.

 

I can't believe that after so many months I'm back to grieving that relationship. In the last two days, I have been waking up depressed.

 

Today, I tried to get a grip and started reminding myself of all the negative things I didn't like about my ex, things that either bothered me, or irritated me or made me feel bad.

 

I might just join a monastery and become a celibate Buddhist monk.

 

When life gives you lemons, throw them in the garbage.

[Rogo]

I had a really bad date a couple of days ago.

 

The little arrogant, loser of a date rejected me. I, who by all counts have a lot going for me.

 

It made me feel angry. And since then I've been thinking about reaching out to my ex. The same ex who cheated on me. I felt like I needed the comfort and affection of someone I know or knew or thought I knew, just anything to make me feel better.

 

I can't believe that after so many months I'm back to grieving that relationship. In the last two days, I have been waking up depressed.

 

Today, I tried to get a grip and started reminding myself of all the negative things I didn't like about my ex, things that either bothered me, or irritated me or made me feel bad.

 

I might just join a monastery and become a celibate Buddhist monk.

 

When life gives you lemons, throw them in the garbage.

 

 

Hang in there. Yesterday was actually the best day so far for me. I made an appointment with my doctor cause I need to get out of this depression. I kinda felt normal yesterday. But today I'm back to the same. Missing her so much

[Amas5750]

Its the weekend.

I went to a yoga class which was a good choice. Now in bed with nothing to do n noone to see. Soo silent.

 

Im thinking of going and doing something but what?

 

Its such nice weather. Mught take myself to the beach. Or do more excersize.

 

I feel lonely. Maybe i can snap out of it.

[110Girl]

I wish i could hear from my ex who cheated on me but i also hate him so im not sure what im feeling.

 

I wish i had a man in my life...

 

Im in a great position to rebound but thats not fair to anyone involved. Because im not stupid. Lol

[fieldoflavender]

Trying to understand anger and resentment. A lot of it is directed towards his family - well I have feel like he did take some suffering from all this - but they are just super gleeful and happy in all this. And if I wasn't so weak and vulnerable, they would have no power to humiliate and hurt me the way they did.

 

Obviously I am stronger now, but I guess there is karma? (or not when you read the news and think about all the evil people getting away with evil crimes).

 

I'm getting peeved at people telling me that it's over - look ahead, rainbows and blue skies. Thanks? That's so helpful. As if I didn't know that if I didn't actually feel all this hurt and didn't have to deal with this nasty part of my history, I wouldn't have thought of that myself.

 

Meh. I know this is all my fault for having gotten involved with him and his family to be begin with. So who can I REALLY blame except me?

 

It's also pathetic that it took me 5-6 weeks to totally get over him (i.e. not wanting to get back together) whereas it took him like 1 day. But I was so stupid to continue believing his lies and that he still cared. And when I realized, it was too late to speak my mind and now I have all these amazing come-back's but it's too late. I'll look like a crazy person if I go bug him now or his family and say it all to them.

 

Meh. So that's my advice for people who just break-up - don't make judgements - give yourself like even 24 hours of quietness and you may save yourself embarrassment.

 

I feel so stupid for all that pleading and begging, wtf. He did not deserve it at all. I should have ran 6 months ago. Yet I still couldn't get my act together 6 weeks after the break-up.

 

But hey, better 6 weeks than years right. All I know if he shows up now, I would be VERY VERY tempted to speak my mind - but he is likely not worth it and it'll be best to just get far away from him and his toxicity. Not scared to face him, but to be honest, the whole thing is just such a bad memory and part of my life I wish I could shove under a rug and pretend never happened. I wish I could eternal sunshine every person who heard or met him or I wouldn't be so embarrassed to have someone like that in my life ever.

[MikeLeno]

Hi All,

 

Didnt really know what else to do as i needed to get things off my chest so i thought i would put it out here, hopefully to make me feel a bit better.

 

not going into details about my break up as there is already a thread on that, my girlfriend of 5 years split up with me on 24th May. the last time i spoke to her was 18th June, although she tried to get in touch a couple of days later and i do admit to looking on social media a couple of times but we arent friends on there.

 

just over 3 months have passed and after an initial tough period for the first 2 weeks i thought i was handling it well up until the last couple of days.

 

I have friends and see them regularly, i have family who i live with but work shifts so i see them regularly too and in work i mostly work as part of a team so most of the time i am not stuck for someone to talk to but I cant help but feel i have no one. No one to spend quality time with and no one to talk to about my problems or listen to theirs. I feel so distant from the whole world.

 

When i am occupied such as when im in work as part of a team or when im in the gym im fine, but its the time alone that affects me the most, i find myself aimlessly looking on my phone at social media or this site not talking to anyone, but looking at other peoples posts with them looking happy in their relationships or children or holidays etc which isnt good for me. I hate going to bed at night time alone and waking up alone with no one there with me.

 

Ive tried speaking to other girls, i dont think i have a problem getting speaking to them but i am not very confident and i think how im feeling rubs off on the conversation and it always ends up with them not replying to one of my messages, of which i never send another message as i take it that they are not interested. Because of this i just havent bothered trying for the last week or so because in my head i just feel like the same outcome will happen.

 

I have a lot on the horizon coming up for me that i have explained in other threads that i would imagine a lot of people would be jealous of, but i just cant shake these feelings off. I dont think i miss my ex as a person, if anything i dislike her after what she done but i still miss how we used to be and most of all the company.

 

I know in the future i probably will find someone else but i dont know if they will be able to click with me like my ex did, i just felt like we were exactly on the same page but obviously she didnt. i cant see myself meeting anyone new any time soon but im trying to get out as much as possible, keep in shape and occupy my time when i can but i need to learn with how to deal with the times i am not.

 

Has anyone else felt similarly to me and got through this ? any advice would be great, or even from people who havent but still have advice to offer, i would be very appreciative.

 

 

Just know you're not alone in this. I have a post about my ex-gf's out of the blue breakup on this site too. I definitely understand you and was just nodding to almost everything you posted.

 

From what many of my friends say, you have to delete them off social media. You won't get anything good out of it, but instead you'll just miss them more. Ive gone the past week or so waking up and thinking of her till the second I ptfo, and that's something I'm still working on and can't myself with yet. But all ik is that if you block them and delete them, you won't be able to hurt yourself and miss them more.

 

Stay strong and push through. With every storm, there's always a rainbow at the end of it!

[Jt93]

Hi Mike, thanks for the kind words and it may sound strange but it's comforting for me knowing others go through this. I have spoke with a lot of friends, male and female who all said they felt similar when things happened to them and the only healer is time.

 

I have her blocked on everything or she's blocked me so I can't see her page to block her so that's not the problem, I don't think about her, it's myself and my own like. My confidence is shot and I am just not very interested in meeting girls at the minute.

 

I know I am not classed as depressed or having anxiety as I have read up on them but I believe I may have small symptoms of them both. But 90% of the time I am good because I am occupied but I must say I am enjoying certain aspects of being single now, I don't feel tied down, I can do what I want when I want without having to run it by people first and I am learning a lot more about myself. I think when I look back at the situation im in now in a couple of years I know that these happenings opened my eyes to the real world and made me, me again. But still it's hard getting through the days at the minute. Thanks again

[vickyp]

The last couple of days I've been thinking, and I think this guy was a fraud from day one. I don't think he really did love me or really want to be with me. I think it was just all games. Anyone with a heart would explain why it ended. I do think our last fight was the opportunity to run. I think him knowing I wasn't going to keep giving him money to pay his bills he got paranoid and ran. Or maybe he met someone and because I had blinders on I didn't see it. I really do think it was all a fraud. Just told me things I wanted to say to pull me in, play with my heart and throw it away till he had enough. There is something mentality not right with him. I really think I got played.

[fieldoflavender]

Try not to beat yourself up too much vicky, we don't really know what they were thinking. I get into those ruts too, analyzing every little sentence, action, and getting myself even more hurt and angry.

 

But at the end of the day, I think it's detachment and saying goodbye - for good that needs to happen. And then the anger will slowly dissipate and we will forgive ourselves for being too naive, too trusting, and too emotional for not seeing sooner.

 

I watched a movie today - and it helped me. It had some parts about letting go in the face of death and while that did not happen with us, in a way, there has to be death of that person's existence in your life. And in some ways, I was able to remember the good times - were they truly genuine and not founded on lies? I don't really know, but at the time, I had a good time. So I guess I can at least try to take that away.

 

How the other person is coping -we do not really know. But I think I am finally ready to really let go. I was ready to let go for a while that we would not reconcile but now I want to let go of it all. I have my new life and I will work on rebuilding it and finding the right person for me. How long this will take I don't know, but there are lots of decisions and exciting things ahead for this new life for me. And I need to spend all this time on me - and only me and all the people in my life who were there for me in the darkest time of my life. For them, I am forever grateful including my friends on loveshack whom I will never meet but really helped me significantly during such a difficult hopeless time of my life.

 

No one wishes these terrible things upon themselves, but in the face of adversity, do we truly strengthen our will and ability to face the unknown and hardship. And only when we become strong ourselves, we won't be so scared to face the future including even deceit. Let these people be valuable life lessons - it shouldn't have taken our livelihood, youth, and emotional well-being to learn them, so let this be the last time we have to do that. Cheers.

[DarrenB]

Growing older by the day, becoming more wiser, more knowledgeable... but most importantly: more aware.

 

Life goes by quicker than you could ever imagine. I'm working 40 hours a week, I commute/drive for 2-3 hours a day and I'm seeing a lack of balance in my life, but I'm considering that completely natural and how life is meant to be now as a maturing late teenager/adult.

 

What I mean by this, is that life is such a fundamental gift and we as humans have every right to fulfill that gift and make it into our own peace and tranquility. Why let things stop you from proceeding with what you aspire to do and be? why let memories and other people change your outlook on life and yourself? why let certain situations keep you from progressing? If there's any thing I've learnt from spending an entire year here on Loveshack and witnessing an abundance of different scenarios, opinions and outlooks it's that the only person that can essentially fix the wrong that you're currently experiencing and going through is yourself.

 

Balance your life as much as possible, don't overly commit but don't become too redundant. We all have so much to offer, and it's up to us to make something of it. Enjoy your life, enjoy spending time with others, your own company - everything.

 

I wish I could take back the years and months I've spent in solitude, but at the same time they've helped me to develop into the person I am today.

[Amas5750]

We broke up 3 months ago. I have cried every day since (about 5 mins per day). Today is the second day in 3 months i havent cried.

Yayyyy

I feel a bit better but still hollow n scared but def a bit better

[fieldoflavender]

Yay to no crying! I was crying almost daily during the last 3-4 months of the relationship and that should have been a sign something was wrong. Actually I realized it but he just brushed it off and said things would get better. I should have listened to myself. Because things didn't get better, they got worse.

 

And now things are getting better now that he's out of my life.

 

Things will get better. Or at the very least not more unstable or worse.

[Logo]

It took me months and several personal experiences between the time of the breakup and now to understand what happened in the weeks and days that led to the demise of that relationship.

 

My own experiences in the last few months have given me insight into what transpired and why.

 

I now have a semblance of understanding as to the whys and the hows and whens, dozens of questions I had no answers for immediately after the breakup.

 

I could have done a few things differently while I was in that relationship, but I don't blame myself for what happened in the grand scheme of things.

 

Closure.

 

Lately, my frustrations have been to find a suitable partner. But all I get is rejections from people I am interested in. It makes the entire endeavour futile, almost impossible. I feel as though it might take years before I find the right person. And that thought alone scares me because life is short.

[BG1]

Today it would have been our 3rd anniversary... I still remember clearly the day I met you for the first time. I could tell you didn't that first date to end and how I could tell when I said goodbye to you for the first time that you wanted a goodbye kiss. We both have changed greatly since that day.

I'm not sad anymore but I miss you. A part of me wishes you are finding tranquility and are in a mental space to confront your own demons (we all have them). I think I still have a special place in your heart, after all, I was your first true love.

Over 6 months of solid NC this week, and starting to look ahead as I needed time to heal.

[trustyourself]

It has been almost 2 months NC since our brief reconciliation, and I am having a really tough time today.

 

I miss her so much, I feel absolutely terrible today. I feel like my heart is breaking all over again.

 

Why wont this end? Why cant I let go of this toxicity?

 

She has completely let go, and respected the NC, and right now all I want is a breadcrumb. I am so broken.

 

I am so tired of these ups and downs. She did nothing to try and save us. she lied, manipulated and walked all over me. I should hate her. But I dont.

 

I need my head examined.

[Amas5750]

Second consexutive day of no crying!! I havent gine this long without crying in 3 months :-).

 

Im so proud of myself. I feel like ive turned a corner. Just a little. I still have all of the reasons to be hideously pained and sad but for some reason theres some space between me and all those reasons.

 

So tonight im just goinv to lay in that gap and soak it up :-)

[Rogo]

It has been almost 2 months NC since our brief reconciliation, and I am having a really tough time today.

 

I miss her so much, I feel absolutely terrible today. I feel like my heart is breaking all over again.

 

Why wont this end? Why cant I let go of this toxicity?

 

She has completely let go, and respected the NC, and right now all I want is a breadcrumb. I am so broken.

 

I am so tired of these ups and downs. She did nothing to try and save us. she lied, manipulated and walked all over me. I should hate her. But I dont.

 

I need my head examined.

 

 

Almost 2 months for me too. Still feel depressed. I miss her a lot. Still love her. I can't seem to let go either. Always on my mind. But I'm thinking I'm like this mostly because how it happened. I was blindsided. Had no clue. I think that's the hardest part for me. And I agree with you. I should hate her too for what, not what but how this ended. But I don't either. One day at a time I guess

[sorano]

I don't post much anymore. Just so annoyed when people tell me, so, when are you going to date again. Why don't you talk to so and so. Make a profile on a dating site. Do you want to be alone for ever? Nobody to share your life with? What about when your old? Want to be alone?

 

I honestly don't care or think about the future. Whatever happens, happens. Only thing I know is, I am content being single. I have so much time. I don't have to worry about planning dates. Meeting the family, friends, and those stupid steps and the process of dating. It's redundant. It's Exhausting.

 

If I end up being alone, so be it. Just so tired of people pushing me. Since my ex broke up with me last year, I have no desire to date or to be with a woman. I don't need a woman to make me happy. I don't need to go through this again. I don't trust women anymore. They are not a priotety for me.

 

I learned that you must always love yourself. Not the other way around. In the end, it's you that needs to be happy and only you can make yourself happy. Both sexes are to blame. You have your good and bad in both. But this day in age, the women, wow. No idea who they are anymore. My mother, old school Italian, even told me that the women today are not the same. And that's coming from a woman. Sweetest lady you will ever meet. She is a saint. She works at a hospital so lots of people know her. They tell me, if everyone was like your mother, this world would be a better place. When you see her, give her a hug. So for my mom to agree with me, yea.

 

My ex made me realize what's out there. And it's not pretty. The whole thing where you will find better, don't worry, etc, Is half true. It doesn't always work that way. Yea it's good to stay positive, but, don't fool yourself. This is just my opinion. That's all. I have a right to be angry. For what was done to me, ny her, was not nice or human.

 

So I will leave off with my famous comment. For those who want to continue down the path of love, good luck and god bless. I hope it all works out and you will find that person. As for me, that journey is over. I'm still young, but, it's done. Wave the white flag. Marriage, kids, family, no more. And to my ex, I will never wish you harm, but I will never, ever, ever wish you well or happiness.

 

And people, don't put the people that hurt you on a pedestal. Chop there legs off and bring them down. You will realize the people who hurt you are not perfect. There like a beautiful statue. From a far, they look amazing. But upon further inspection, closer look, that statue has cracks, and is falling apart. Take them down. Love you. Not anyone else. Do not shed tears on anyone who mis handled your heart. It's not worth it. Karmas a bitch. The universe has its ways. Trust me.

Edited September 6, 2017 by sorano

[Nogan]

Wanted to share that my ex hit me up out of the blue because she was just down the street from the bar I work at. I could have told her to come hang out or made an effort to see her, but instead shared a short conversation and chose to stay put. It isn't that I don't want to see her or don't wish she was still in my life, but I knew seeing her would just reopen the wounds. So I'm proud of that.

 

Plus, it feels good that she feels comfortable talking to me like that. Maybe it won't be such a big deal in time

[fieldoflavender]

does anyone really remember their ex when times are hard and things suck? I'm studying for this exam and really pissed off. And all the terrible things he did and was just irritate me more than anything. When I'm off having fun with friends or attracted to someone else, I forget about him. Reinforces that the break-up was the best thing ever (except it just happened way too late in the game and reinforces with each day what a complete idiot I was for embarrassing myself for being with him).

 

I'm sure if things look better in my life, then I wouldn't hate him as much. He would just simply be forgotten. But right now he seems like an easy target in my mind for all the crap I have to deal with. Meh.

[whatnot]

does anyone really remember their ex when times are hard and things suck? I'm studying for this exam and really pissed off. And all the terrible things he did and was just irritate me more than anything. When I'm off having fun with friends or attracted to someone else, I forget about him. Reinforces that the break-up was the best thing ever (except it just happened way too late in the game and reinforces with each day what a complete idiot I was for embarrassing myself for being with him).

 

I'm sure if things look better in my life, then I wouldn't hate him as much. He would just simply be forgotten. But right now he seems like an easy target in my mind for all the crap I have to deal with. Meh.

yes. Normal. Things get tough....we "escape" in our minds?

 

I've had it happen the way you describe. Interestingly enough (or not) though....I find myself missing her more when things are going great. There's a serious yearn to share it....

 

When I'm down...or stressed...I never liked people seeing me that way much anyway....so....I don't miss her so much when things are tougher....or....mononentimous

 

Tonight I'm out of town....in a Big City....travelling....for "fun"....and I'm missing her worse than ever. I miss her so much. I still....even now....do not miss that relationship though. I haven't a clue what that's about...or even the meaning of it.

 

7 year relationship. broke up a year and a half ago