How are you coping today?

[Soolaimon]

My ex got into contact with me on Saturday. 32 days NC.

 

To make a long story short, he rung me and told he missed me like crazy and that he wanted to see me after work. I agreed and we talked and he admitted what an idiot he was and how much he had missed me every single day.

 

We spent the day together yesterday and it was absolutely perfect. We both agreed we're not going to rush into anything and I've said I'm not getting back with him until he agrees to go to anger management. He agreed and said we have a lot to work on, but that he's so happy I picked up the phone because he thought I wouldnt.

 

He didn't stop complimenting me, calling me beautiful and gorgeous while trying to touch me... We went to the shops and he kissed me, kissed my forehead and had his arm around me the whole time. He even cooked me dinner yesterday and we watched a nature documentary while cuddling. He begged me to stay the night but I stood my ground and said no, that it was too soon and that he can't just click his fingers and I give in.

 

Our 32 days apart have made me stronger. I'm absolutely determined to make things different this time. And hey, if he walks away from me again, at least I know I can live without him.

 

One step at a time... (I couldn't be happier or feeling more smug right now though!)

 

WOW I am crying I am so happy for you, he was trying to be strong with NC but you were playing on his mind. I used to say broken relationships never work if you get back together, it's never truly as good as it once was but sometimes 2 people do have that special connection, I hope so for your sake and mine.

[Soolaimon]

Not sure why it's hit me so hard today. I've done really well the past few days. I've actually been happy. Started dating again. But today I just burst into tears in the shower for no reason. I couldn't stop. I realized that I miss him so very much. Tomorrow is his birthday and I wish I could be there to wish him a happy birthday in person. I wish things could be like they used to be. I miss his smile the most. It really could light up a room. I miss the way he made me feel. How he'd always say "goodnight pretty eyes." I had a dream the other night...a very vivid dream and it still makes me sick just thinking about it. I dreamt I went to his house only to find him gone. All his things were gone. He no longer lived there. I woke up in such a panic. Sigh...I miss him a lot today.

I feel your sadness & pain.

[Soolaimon]

Its raining on thr tin roof. I'm in my bed just sobbing.

 

Short lived sobbing. Its been 2 months exactly.. but i only moved out a week ago.

 

Im embarrassed but i actually live a lonely life. Who is to blame & where did i go wrong?

 

I think i'll never love again. I have been thought 3 brwak ups this decade. I just feel floored & like a shell. I feel this last break up floored me.

Even the sound of the rain doesnt soothe- because how did i end up here.? I thinm about him all day and how it ended like this.

He idolised me then discarded me. Like men have dkne before him. Now i catch a look of myself in the mirror and shes so sad now.

The rain on the roof is supposed to be soothing.

 

Ugh he just txt me n thanked me 4 cominv over (i went over tonight n had dinner w him for first time in a week- actually a good thing 4 me i think cos i realise "i dont really love him).....

 

Im so lost.

Any input?

You're so much like me, I would take any opportunity to be with him, the ... at the end of your post doesn't convince me you don't really love him. Sorry I have no advice as I am a weak crumbled mess right now.

[Soolaimon]

Moved my last stuff out of the house we shared today. Took hours. Mostly i was stoic n functional. Had a few tiny cries. One big cry in his arms as i was leaving the house for the last time..

We lay in bed as its the last room on the house. He kept sort of trting to have sex with me. We have had sex oncebin the last 6-8 months. I turned him down cos i thought it would set me back heaps. I was already tearful and have lost so much weight n crying on the daily for 2 months.

 

I kept having to ask god for help cos there were triggers everywhere n in all the items i packed up n took to the rubbish tip.

 

It was heaps of physical work to lift bed heads out of the attic etc. So im literally sooo exhausted n numb. Many hours of triggers, sneaky cries about the house, taking items to the dump and throwing things on a big pile of rubbish, physical activity and one massive cry in his arms, giving the keys back to him and sayjng goodbye to the cat, saying goodbye to the house that i tried to make a home, crying over lots of gifts n objects. Yeah. Exhsusted n numb but kind of in a good way.

nawww that's so sad, I can so identify with you. at least he is still being caring towards you, in a way that makes it all that much harder, I have said I am weak and I know I would have even given in to the intimacy offer.

[Soolaimon]

hi all, sorry about the clutter, new here as I need others opinions on my dilemma but wanted to read through a bit first. I wish we were neighbours Amas5750 we could wallow in each others sorrow all day, I can identify with you.

Right now I am going to attempt to sleep but don't hold out much hope, could be back shortly

Edited August 26, 2017 by Soolaimon

[Wuku]

Just found out that my ex has sold her house. Feeling really down now, she would only sell if she were moving away, and although we haven't seen each other in 20 months, and only text recently, it feels scary that she's going and I won't ever see her again. I'm so annoyed that I still feel this way about her after all this time. Just feel like crying, which is pathetic after 20 months. Why can't I shake this one? I wish I could stop thinking about her, and feeling for her. She has obviously happily moved on, and I'm still mired in depression. I have truly lost the love of my life, and I don't know any way to get over it, clearly as I still feel so sad about it so long afterwards.

 

She has made £55,000 on top of what she paid for it, and she bought it cash. And me? I'm stuck in a shi**y little rented studio flat with no money and no future I can see. I wish her luck, but it still hurts.

Edited August 26, 2017 by Wuku

[clist8511]

Since my last posts, I feel relatively stable. Yesterday I was upset - I can't remember what triggered it but it was hard. Today, I haven't really thought too deeply about her. I missed her, wanted someone to chill in bed with and to eat junk food with while we watch movies... I really felt that, today.

 

I do feel a bit annoyed that she hasn't attempted to contact me. I know there is no reason for us to talk, but I just don't like or understand how you can just no longer be part of someone's life after being so close.

 

I feel a bit more positive about my future in terms of career, fitness, etc. I don't feel hopeful about future relationships, though. I feel sad that we're probably never going to talk again. I think I'd have to be at a place of real self-assurance to contact her. Finding out she'd had a baby, is with someone, etc - it would still hurt me, in the future. It would really damage my self-esteem, so I have to stay away for that reason. I doubt she'd ever contact me, either. It's so sad. I really hope I get over this.

[fieldoflavender]

I'm annoyed it's so much work to find someone worthwhile to date again. I would like to do, I mean the trust piece is going to be hard, but I would like to again. If they are worth it, but people are so flaky and I guess forgive me for being biased, but I am a bit more vigilant and critical of potential flaws.

 

My last relationship failed because I tried to ignore flaws and felt desperate to find someone soon. At this point I would rather be alone than with a wrong person. But it doesn't make me feel good that everyone else if finding "Right people" and I'm not but meh alas that is life.

 

I'm very busy so I'm trying online dating and stuff, but I don't know how to else meet people. So whatever, what will come will come.

 

But sadly even with all the crappy people they keep matching me up with, I would still rather be alone than to go back with that person who would have ruined my life and left me with hurt worse than I am feeling now. So that's the only solace. It's sometimes good to get a glimpse of your future. At least you can run. I just wish I ran on my own will instead of having it forced upon on me, that's the only one good thing I guess he and his horrible family did that was good although their intentions were all utterly selfish and uncaring.

 

Lol now I really hate filthy rich people. I really do. Especially the ones who never had to work hard to get their money. It repulses me.

[clist8511]

I thought I was coping but I'm really not. I feel this tight chest, nauseous feeling all the time. I can't believe that I've just been forgotten about like this.

[Samantha.Leo]

Every day I wake up thinking about him and wondering if he is thinking of me. Then I remember he is working things out with his ex and feel defeated yet again. I still wake up hoping to see a text from him, even though it's been 2 weeks today since he sent the last message. I found some old stuff yesterday from years ago that I had written him. Apparently, this isn't the first time he has ghosted me. Just back then there was no social media around for him to haunt me. I don't remember it being this difficult before. I just miss him so bad. It hurts. I break down crying sometimes and there is always a dull ache in my body. The only relief I get is when I am running or working and that relief is short lived. I desperately want to hear his voice and know that he hasn't forgotten me. I know that this isn't good and our relationship was toxic, but I loved him.

When will this get better?

When will I feel normal again?

When will I forget him?

[vickyp]

I thought I was coping but I'm really not. I feel this tight chest, nauseous feeling all the time. I can't believe that I've just been forgotten about like this.

 

And in the long run its for the better. Keep reminding yourself of all the bad things your ex said and did. Then ask yourself, why do I want to be with this person? There are times I wanted to text my ex, and I got thinking why would I text him when I always felt like I was walking on egg shells and would call me names and " I hate you" on a reg basis? I'm telling you the urge left quickly. Focus on you and do things that make you happy. Dating will come when the time is right. Don't focus on that. Focus on improving yourself.

[blooreguardqk]

This is Day 2 and I feel sick to my stomach. I can barely eat and I want to go out and get my mind things, be productive, but I have no energy. I'm really not coping well.

 

My family has been SO SO supportive. I'm making my mother sad by crying but she gets it. My dad came down and told me he loved me, but then he said "I hope you guys get back together." Haha. Me too, Dad.

 

I started a journal, just pouring all my thoughts out to get it out and to write stuff down instead of texting him... I hope he misses me even just a little bit. I want to know how he's coping. I used to always turn to him for comfort. There's nothing I would rather do right now than just be held by him.

 

I went out last night with my friends and they were celebrating being single, but on the inside I was just so miserable. I have to do the same again tonight since I promised, but my head's just not in the game.

 

Hopefully tomorrow will be easier.

Edited August 27, 2017 by blooreguardqk

[Fever of love]

This is Day 2 and I feel sick to my stomach. I can barely eat and I want to go out and get my mind things, be productive, but I have no energy. I'm really not coping well.

 

My family has been SO SO supportive. I'm making my mother sad by crying but she gets it. My dad came down and told me he loved me, but then he said "I hope you guys get back together." Haha. Me too, Dad.

 

I started a journal, just pouring all my thoughts out to get it out and to write stuff down instead of texting him... I hope he misses me even just a little bit. I want to know how he's coping. I used to always turn to him for comfort. There's nothing I would rather do right now than just be held by him.

 

I went out last night with my friends and they were celebrating being single, but on the inside I was just so miserable. I have to do the same again tonight since I promised, but my head's just not in the game.

 

Hopefully tomorrow will be easier.

 

I for one think you should have a nice quiet night in with a cop of hot chocolate and a hot water bottle.

[fieldoflavender]

Is anyone else more upset at being embarrassed, wasting time/opportunity, and allowing yourself to get emotionally labile/unhappy rather than missing the person? I don't miss the person, perhaps I miss parts of being in a relationship and having a "future", but when I think about it - I don't miss the person himself. I am glad he is out of my life, but I keep thinking about the way it happened and why I was so stupid to have let it happen that way.

[Frostedflake]

Is anyone else more upset at being embarrassed, wasting time/opportunity, and allowing yourself to get emotionally labile/unhappy rather than missing the person? I don't miss the person, perhaps I miss parts of being in a relationship and having a "future", but when I think about it - I don't miss the person himself. I am glad he is out of my life, but I keep thinking about the way it happened and why I was so stupid to have let it happen that way.

 

Yes.

But it's only embarrassing if you choose to continue 'wearing' it, you know? By all means feel the emotions because I do believe that is the only way they will pass. You need to take full accountability for what happened in your half of the relationship. Blame them for what they did, but don't blame them for what you didn't do.

Then make a plan of growth and follow through. Because you'll soon realize that your next evolution, the person you're suppose to be, coming out stronger- could never of happened without all that disappointment that taught you to rely on yourself and be the person you would depend on when everyone else was a wrong answer.

[Rogo]

Another bad day. It's overwhelming. Sad. Still missing her a lot. Still can't get over how it ended. Thrown out like a piece of trash. That's how I feel

[Taticake]

Ever since I deleted all the pictures I've had of you, all the convos we had together and everything I feel like it was easier for me to move on. But I just hate how I can't delete memories...this morning I woke up and kept thinking about all the times you took care of me when I was drunk, how you were so sweet back then. It just sucks because I'm trying to move on yet I keep putting you on a pedestal.

[blooreguardqk]

I noticed that instead of texting me, he's been posting his thoughts on social media instead. Nothing personal, but just the little stuff that he used to send me. Like pictures of his lunch and the desserts I would like.

[InAFog]

Love mondays & getting back to the distraction of work. No body & soul wrenching pain, so a pretty good damn day! Feel like he's fading away again. Can't really even picture his face clearly, or us together. That makes me so very sad & get a little teary eyed. But that's the goal. I've never been so sad to be getting closer to my goals. /

Edited August 28, 2017 by InAFog

[Logo]

Strange how attachments work.

 

In the last few days detailed memories of our time together have snuck up on me and I have been thinking about her more than I have in the last say.......three months, put together.

 

I mean I used to reminiscence about the good times I had, but now that I'm finding it hard to find someone like her, someone who can make me feel like she used to make me feel, I just miss her. And I know it's wrong that I miss her because I am selling myself short.

 

I hope someone, soon, will come along and be with me so that I can start creating new memories.

 

I was over the stage of grieving what could have been, but in the last couple of days, I have been feeling a little sad that we will never be together again, or even see each other again.

 

And each failed or disappointing date reminds me of how we hit it off from the start like two peas in a pod.

 

But those days are gone forever. It's a heartbreaking thought when I think about it. At the same time, I feel angry that she ruined it for us. That's when I start wondering if she feels the same way I do when anniversaries roll by, or if she has moved on to the point that thoughts about me, along with our memories together, are nothing but an old memory in the dustbin of history for her.

 

Who knows what the future holds. I just hope things will get better, and soon.

[blooreguardqk]

****, I thought I was doing okay today. I hate being an overthinker.

 

I just keep thinking about why he chose to break up with me instead of working with me to fix things. How can he say I was so special and he loved me even when we were breaking up, but not worth sticking by? That doesn't add up to me. WHAT DOES IT TAKE?

 

Then I remember, he doesn't know how to communicate. -_-

 

Still, it hurts that's he gave up on me when I never gave up on him.

[Samantha.Leo]

I like being back into a routine. Being out of school for the summer gave me way too much time to think about him and about what happened. I still have my bad days, but my mind is occupied almost all day enough to where I don't think of him. I've been trying to fill my time as much as possible but the alone times, the times where it's just me and my overthinking mind, are the worst. I think about him constantly and wonder what happened, why wasn't I enough, why do I still care so much, and I wish that the pain would stop. I am weakest in those moments and I want so desperately to hear his voice. It got so bad yesterday that I contacted a different ex that I haven't spoken to in 5 years. I just needed a distraction, a moment of feeling validated, I wanted to feel something else, anything else. It helped for a while, but I'm thinking about him again today and I just don't know how to move forward.

 

This sucks.

[whatnot]

I'm coping by unintentionally hurting other people's feelings.

 

And...when one does this....accidentally....it's problematic. Because.....being human...I'm prone to mistakes.

 

ummmmm

 

dilemmas dilemmas

[trustyourself]

She was in my dreams again last night.. I am exhausted today.

 

It was a dream about us reconnecting a few years from now, both of us have grown, and the timing is right. It was the first dream of her I did not want to wake up from

 

I have come to terms with the fact I have to let go. It is finding the strength to do so that is a struggle.

 

I know she does not deserve me or my love after what she has done to me. The pain is fading, but it flares back up every now and then.

 

I still wonder if she is happy with her decisions that ruined us, or if she has any regret or misses me at all. I know that I should not think these things, but I am only human.

 

I guess I will never understand. I just need to let go.

[whatnot]

I think many times it's more bothersome to one partner than to the other. And for longer periods of time.

 

I also believe in the "none of us escapes unscathed" view of love. What goes around...comes around. (not in a deserving sort of way...but more of a "that's life" sort of way")