How are you coping today?

[ithappenedagain]

I feel like **** today. Not gonna lie. She has been on my mind ALL morning. I am still looking for a place to live. In the meantime, I am sleeping on my 3 year old nephews small bed

 

God I miss her so much today. :'(

[kindofsad]

Not good. Feeling down and jealous of ex. I initiated a facebook chat with a mutual friend, we have sporadic contact but I know my ex has been in contact with her because she is planning to move to where she lives. It makes me angry because really my ex only knows her through me, so I had a 'catch up' and slagged off my ex to the mutual friend. I feel a bit stupid and immature for doing it. I have to work on not letting this kind of stuff effect me.

Still I have the rest of the evening to improve my mood and spoil myself. :-)

[BC1980]

Dark days indeed, I wonder at times how I got through them, feels like an eternity ago.

 

I think back and cringe. I wouldn't wish that I anyone, but there is something to be said for hitting Rick bottom. I feel like I could get through anything now. I'm glad I learned this lesson earlier in life rather than later.

[JDPT]

pretty calm day today, not too bad.

[Real36]

Today was good...slept in (yay! day off) then did my first assignment for this semester. It finally got above freezing here so I took an hour long walk with the company of the Rap Anthems station on Songza. After that I made dinner and chatted with my sister while watching Netflix. Really, it was a good day

[AnyaNova]

I am truly pissed at the scamming salon.

 

Sometime in between last Friday when I wore my hair down and curled for a date and enough had grown back in to create enough thickness that I could wear it down without shame...

 

and today, when I took my hair down from its usual ponytail and saw how much had fallen out again!

 

I am not happy.

 

If that salon wants to scam a bunch of rich and healthy old women into paying for diluted B vitamin shots with no strength, be my guest.

 

But when they know that they are treating someone for a deficiency, and they do it anyway, they are evil. There really is a part of me that wishes I could contact my ex and find out what legal recourse I have for the several hundred dollars they got from me.

 

At least I have an upfront place now, that is willing to draw the stuff up in front of me so I can see that they aren't diluting it, the potency of the medicine being clear in its effect upon my body. It will be weeks again,now, though, before I can wear my hair down again.

 

Had a date tonight again. This date was certainly definitive in many ways.

 

Still have to wonder why guys ask you in the middle of the date if you want to see them again????!!!!!

 

At least my ex had the presence of mind to just make the statement during our dates before we went exclusive that he wanted to see me again, without forcing the question.

 

I mean, what am I going to do, say no? We're only halfway through our meal. If I say no now, we're certainly going to have an awkward, I don't know, 20 minutes or so while we sit here chewing in totally awkward silence.

 

But anyway, doing good. Things are looking up, knowing as I do, that I have a trustworthy place to get the vitamins I need until I can get this moved over to my doctor.

[True Gent]

Today I'm tired of dreaming of her. I dream of her every night at the moment, it is very confusing. I always wake up from them confused for a few seconds and then reality kicks back in.

 

They are strange dreams, they are usually scenarios about me and her or her and him, or me and her talking about him.

 

I've never meet him and I don't know him, so whatever details I dream aren't a reflection on real life. In the dreams it's like she misses me but won't admit it.

 

Seriously waking up from these dreams is like another blow everytime.

 

I have a little cry at the start of every day right now. I long for her and I think of what could I of done to prevent all of this. I'm tearing myself apart right now and I'm sick of it.

[realfriends]

Had a dream that I saw pictures of her moving into a new school. Made me sad to realize I won't even know where she gets accepted or where she goes. We went through all of college together and always pushed each other and talked about grad schools together. Also makes me a little sad to think about graduation and how I won't get to celebrate it with the person that was right next to me the whole way.

[Erlaad]

Today it is a bad day. Exactly one year ago we got together, and I have kept thinking of her more and more in the alst few days. I feel let down and disappointed by love.

 

I will stick to NC no matter what but it hurts that while I have problems in looking and approaching other girls, she probably already has someone new.

 

I need a hug now.

 

- Erl

[AnyaNova]

I think my long day yesterday burned through a good portion of the vitamins. Thankfully I haven't mood crashed yet, and I am hoping to prevent that with oral supplementation.

 

So I'm having a harder time getting started today. I planned to take most of it as a rest day, but I do still have to write a short "where am I at and who am I?" type paper for one class and read a chapter. And some wash would probably be good to do as well.

 

For whatever reason, when I am like this, my brain tends to wake up in the evening, so I think I will rest during the day and then write during the evening.

 

My brain feels a little like it can't breathe again. It is an odd feeling. But it means one thing. I will be trying to schedule a shot tomorrow if I can.

 

I can't think well right now and I dislike that feeling heavily. I think I am going to go shower for my dignity, lie down for a bit, and perhaps do a little light cleaning and maybe watch some television.

[ithappenedagain]

Today it is a bad day. Exactly one year ago we got together, and I have kept thinking of her more and more in the alst few days. I feel let down and disappointed by love.

 

I will stick to NC no matter what but it hurts that while I have problems in looking and approaching other girls, she probably already has someone new.

 

I need a hug now.

 

- Erl

 

Sorry man. I feel the same way :-( I cant shake her out of my head and it is eating me alive thinking she is having fun and seeing other people. It is the worst feeling in the world. *Bro hugs

[erklat]

First Sunday in I don't know how long I don't consider ****ty.

 

NC did wonders for me.

 

I finally started flirting again. And with a success too.

[realfriends]

Today, I feel like fighting for her. For the girl who meant so much to me and who I loved so dearly. For the girl that I always stood up for and for the girl that was always there for me. I feel like NC is turning into a pride thing and we are just waiting for one of us to break. I think she more than likely is talking to someone and then I think how she will be having formal upcoming and how someone will be going with her.

 

I feel like she should be my valentine, just as she has been for the last four years. Our technical 5 years comes up in march and I just think what could of been of this relationship.

 

I still give myself false hope that she will turn around out of this. I still give myself false hope that she will one day want me back. Somedays, I just want her next to me in the mornings, where I can wake up next to her and give her a kiss on the forehead. I miss her.

[bubblesbursted]

Thank you for making this thread Riou , needed it.

 

So 1st day of NC today aka 3rd day of break-up. Feeling worse every passing second. have those urges to text/call him , ask him if he changed his mind but I tried to resist and I am resisting till now. Nights are harder. And I am scared since its already night. I dont want to text him dont want to miss him but I will. Oh and I went out today to shop as most people suggested but didnt have fun ended up crying in the trial room.

[JDPT]

I did something silly most likely out of boredom. As I was tossing and turning in bed for literally 3 hours, I decided to google my ex's FB business page. Last time I checked it which was Gd knows how long ago the content in it was minimal. So, I clicked it and again it was pretty empty, expect for one guy who posted what a great professional she is indicating her title. Additionally, he wrote something along the line of, and she is a gorgeous woman!!!!

It didn't bother me last night but it finally caught up to me this morning. I'm thinking maybe she screwed this guy, maybe not well who cares at this point. Trying to reroute my thoughts vigorously because if I don't I'll be in a terrible place later on tonight.

[Never Again]

I'm still not in control.

 

I want to be, but I'm not.

 

I saw the friend that set us up last night. Thankfully, my ex wasn't mentioned at all, except for a passing remark about the city she lived in.

 

Still though, it's rough.

 

Someday I'll move on, but that day isn't today. So for now, I continue to "cope" ineffectively.

[iouaname]

Did well yesterday! I finally moved back into my apartment at school and kept busy throughout the day (even got back to the gym!), so I was feeling much better. Today I have a long day of classes to look forward to and then I'll be grabbing dinner with a friend who I haven't seen in a while.

 

I'm not going to allow him in my life at all this semester. I've made a commitment to myself that I will not break no contact and that I will not look at his social media sites at all this weekend. I just don't want to do that to myself anymore.

[SadNLonley]

Last night was a really hard night that is affecting my day today. Ive been under stress lately with my son the past week with health issues. Yesterday he went to his dad's and I was alone. At that point i started thinking about my ex and how I miss his so much, starting with all the questions again on what did I do that was so wrong for him to go from loving me one minute to having no feelings for me the next.

 

Of course I started crying. The crying turned into almost a breakdown I think.

During this breakdown, my phone rings and its a friend of mine that I haven't spoken to in a while. I should not have answered it in the condition I was in, but I did. Right away she knew something was wrong and started talking me through it. Not really making me feel better because she says "sounds like you lost the love of your life". No ****! Then she proceeds to tell me how a guy she broke up with 6 months ago, started contacting her again telling her how much he loved her and has made steps to fix the issues they had, and wants her back in his life. UMMMMMMM REALLY???? Here I am a complete mess over the fact the my love has NOT contacted me and I am having trouble coping with it on a daily basis, and her life is just freakin fantastic.

 

This morning I just feel more like a loser. Hmm, why am I not good enough to have someone love me enough to make it work. Why Why Why.

 

Im starting to think Im never going to get better, and it scares me a bit.

[Never Again]

Last night was a really hard night that is affecting my day today. Ive been under stress lately with my son the past week with health issues. Yesterday he went to his dad's and I was alone. At that point i started thinking about my ex and how I miss his so much, starting with all the questions again on what did I do that was so wrong for him to go from loving me one minute to having no feelings for me the next.

 

Of course I started crying. The crying turned into almost a breakdown I think.

During this breakdown, my phone rings and its a friend of mine that I haven't spoken to in a while. I should not have answered it in the condition I was in, but I did. Right away she knew something was wrong and started talking me through it. Not really making me feel better because she says "sounds like you lost the love of your life". No ****! Then she proceeds to tell me how a guy she broke up with 6 months ago, started contacting her again telling her how much he loved her and has made steps to fix the issues they had, and wants her back in his life. UMMMMMMM REALLY???? Here I am a complete mess over the fact the my love has NOT contacted me and I am having trouble coping with it on a daily basis, and her life is just freakin fantastic.

 

This morning I just feel more like a loser. Hmm, why am I not good enough to have someone love me enough to make it work. Why Why Why.

 

Im starting to think Im never going to get better, and it scares me a bit.

 

Stick with it.

 

I still have trouble (7 months later), but I'm better than I was in the beginning...and if I can make it, you can too.

[jphcbpa]

this was from my morning meditation...

"There’s no getting around it, life is sometimes difficult and tragic and sad. People die, relationships crumble, controversy erupts, change happens and all those things mess with my serenity. That sense of ease and comfort that once came so easily to me through a bottle is no longer an option and my experience tells me that there aren’t any short-cuts, either.

 

I have read “…if trouble comes, cheerfully capitalize it as an opportunity to demonstrate His omnipotence.” I can’t always claim the cheerful part, but I get the message that I am living in God’s world and whatever is happening, it isn’t personal and He doesn’t make mistakes. So, I’m doing my best to walk through it with as much grace and dignity as I can muster. This too shall pass. "

[AnyaNova]

So now, with an actual full dose under my belt, I see how it works.

 

The body gets the first dibs, I think. The brain gets last. I was able to do so much more in my workout today since getting that actual and non-diluted dose of the B vitamins. It was even commented upon.

 

So, my body still has some to draw on, and I could be a lot worse, but my mood is somewhat down and my brain has a little (but not nearly as much) of that feeling like it can't breathe somehow.

 

But I should be able to get some work down after I get some food and a break.

 

And I get another full dose shot tomorrow. My physical life may not depend on these shots (or who knows, given how many pounds the deficiency caused me to lose and the hair loss, maybe it does, I do not know), but my quality of life does.

 

Last night, even though I was feeling the effects of waning levels (at least mentally), I still wrote a brilliant paper (in its own way, though I'm hoping the professor won't see it). It is a kind of paper that I rather detest and have difficulty respecting. In one beautiful and brilliant stroke that came from my ironic use of the title, I fulfilled the terms of the assignment and demonstrated my understanding of the commonality of the topic, gave perfect and wide-eyed innocent justification for the title and its presence in the paper (which would seem jarring at first) and made my statement regarding this type of paper (which is way, I am sorry, way too easy for anybody who is not in junior high or maybe high school if you are stretching it!) while providing myself ironclad justification for its use and therefore plausible deniability in terms of my little rebellious statement. :-)

 

(I'd say what it is, but who knows what professors lurk around here to see what goes on for their own amusement and research!)

 

Anyway, by all accounts, it was a great day. I wish my b levels were up enough to be able to reflect that in my mood. You can tell they are down by my writing style, right now, though (long, complicated, and not very reigned in).

[JDPT]

The day turned out to be alright considering my stupidity last night. Just came out of the sauna and feel tons better.

[AnyaNova]

The day turned out to be alright considering my stupidity last night. Just came out of the sauna and feel tons better.

 

What stupidity?

[JDPT]

What stupidity?

 

I did something silly most likely out of boredom. As I was tossing and turning in bed for literally 3 hours, I decided to google my ex's FB business page. Last time I checked it which was Gd knows how long ago the content in it was minimal. So, I clicked it and again it was pretty empty, expect for one guy who posted what a great professional she is indicating her title. Additionally, he wrote something along the line of, and she is a gorgeous woman!!!!

It didn't bother me last night but it finally caught up to me this morning. I'm thinking maybe she screwed this guy, maybe not well who cares at this point. Trying to reroute my thoughts vigorously because if I don't I'll be in a terrible place later on tonight.

 

Enjoy...........

[AnyaNova]

Enjoy...........

 

We all have to place our hands on the burner enough times that we learn that more harm will come than good.

 

I think I have gotten to the place where I am comfortable with the fact that my ex would have to contact me, because I am not getting in touch with him again to have him ignore me and start my healing process from square one again.

 

I'm sorry, though, that you're hurting.