How are you coping today?

[fieldoflavender]

I shouldn't still be feeling like this a year and a half later. But I still think of her every day, and frequently dream about her to. I had one such very vivid dream last night, in which she had great pleasure telling me she had someone else. It was gutting, and has left me feeling crap today. I know it's only a dream, but they can still be very powerful.

 

I think it's because she contacted me recently via text, and reading between the lines, I got the impression she is with someone new. This shouldn't be bothering me anymore, it's none of my business and I wished her well. But she is the love of my life and I don't know how to stop wanting her. Every time I feel I should be trying to meet someone new, I get the feeling that it just isn't right. She is still in my heart and I don't feel there's room for anyone else. I wonder if I'm ever going to be free from feeling like this, and if I'll ever find someone else, someone I can love like I love my ex.

 

I guess I'm feeling very low at the moment, so many things have gone wrong in the last couple of years and I'm nowhere near where I should and want to be in life, and my future prospects are not looking good either. Life, it sucks sometimes.

 

I can never imagine why someone who is with someone new would go and rub it in someone else's face. That's the lowest of all lowest. I hate my ex and even I wouldn't do that, it just makes me look like a low person. if he ever even attempts to do that, I would definitely give him a piece of my mind. Ex's need to stay away unless they genuinely want to be friends (which is slim fat chance), not to rub it in someone's face your happiness.

[Rogo]

3 weeks NC. Still can't stop thinking about her. Wondering what she is doing. It's consuming. Getting dumped out of the blue hurts. I feel stupid. Should have I seen it coming? And a vague reason from a text. Almost 2 years together then nothing.

[Wuku]

I can never imagine why someone who is with someone new would go and rub it in someone else's face. That's the lowest of all lowest. I hate my ex and even I wouldn't do that, it just makes me look like a low person. if he ever even attempts to do that, I would definitely give him a piece of my mind. Ex's need to stay away unless they genuinely want to be friends (which is slim fat chance), not to rub it in someone's face your happiness.

 

I agree with you, however, she didn't rub it in my face. She didn't even say she had someone new, I just got that impression from her messages.

 

People who rub it in your face are plain cruel as you say.

[Teany3]

I missed my X last night and it spilled into today and this evening. I woke up at 4am with cramps strong enough that they needed a Richter scale rating. I put the heating pad on and willed myself to go back to sleep.

 

I have no idea where the tears came from but there they were. Streaming out of my forcefully closed eyes.

 

I instantly remembered how loving you were whenever I was sick. You were always wonderful like that. Sleeping next to me. Holding me. I never could figure out how you never “caught” whatever I had. As embarrassing as this is to admit, I put the heating pad spot on my belly, covered myself with the blanket and pressed play on the f...load of memories of you that were anxiously waiting. Sleep couldn't come fast enough. It was like a tennis tournament of torture that I had no control over. Paralyzing cramps. Paralyzing memories.

 

Just another moment of you and what I miss.

 

I aimlessly moved through the day. I have figured out that another slice to being an adult is learning the art of making everyone believe that you are okay when you are a complete mess on the inside. Finally I made it home. During the first 2 minutes of my workout today, I was literally wiping away tears until that first endorphin kick.

 

Then I had a scary a.. thought but it was really a memory. When I first started in my career there was a woman I worked with who was in her mid to late 60's who had never been married or had kids. It was just her and her f…..g dog. She told me she was okay with her life and happy but I always had a sneaking suspicion something else was stirring in that pot. Especially now that I am older.

 

I know it's better to be alone than in the situation I was in and to find love with a person who appreciates you, no cheating. I get it. But in that moment I was scared. God I hope and pray I don't end up like that. Me and a f…..g dog.

 

Fruit for dinner.

[fieldoflavender]

Part of it is losing your innocence - me thinking that being with someone could make my life easier and I could work less and enjoy life more.

 

But no, wishful thinking. I picked a bunch of shifts so I can earn more money. Why not? Might as well. Not like Prince Charming is going to come back and do a bait and switch again on me.

 

No have to rely on yourself in this world. Not that I ever thought I wouldn't have to - but it's nice - sometimes in that split second, to think of all those girls who can take weekends off because they have another source of income for the family too. And that you're a unit. But it was never a unit with him. It came at the price of being controlled.

 

Meh. I should go pick up more shifts. I hate sitting around and not being distracted - the absolute worst.

[Logo]

Feeling lonely again in my bed tonight. I thought of all the good times we had together. I miss the emotional and physical intimacy. I'm not the kind of person who can have a one night stand. It lacks the emotional intimacy and excitement of discovering someone new, the excitement of what could be in the future. I wasn't wired for casual sex, I suppose. It feels meaningless.

 

I have friends so I'm not socially lonely, but I can't kiss any of those friends, I can't hold them in bed or look them in the eyes and feel like we're something special when we're together.

 

I ask myself and wonder why I'm so pessimistic about finding someone else soon. It seems to me that whenever one approaches another person these days, that other person immediately thinks one has ulterior motives. It's hard to describe and verbalized how I feel. I was reading this essay by a guy who was in college and he approached 10 women. He got rejected 9 times, but 1 gal agreed to go out with him.

 

I don't know what it is, I had better luck just after the break up than I do now.

 

 

I feel like back then I was still hopeful that things would turn out better and quickly, I had that residual feeling of being content having spent the previous months with someone, but these days I'm starting to worry and feel angry and rejected and pessimistic.

 

 

Maybe I need a distraction and I need to forget about trying to find someone. It's strange that lately I have been re-grieving the relationship. It seems to go in waves, too. Every 2 weeks or so I go through a phase.

 

 

Today I was so angry at the fact she ruined the relationship that I wanted to erase everything and throw away everything that could remind me of her. I did save pictures out of sight, so to speak. And I put a couple of things she gave me out of sight. But I felt like throwing it all away and deleting every memory of her.

 

 

But now I'm not so sure I want to do that just yet. I don't know why I'm holding on to all that stuff. Although, I do feel that if I got rid of it, I might somehow regret it. And then I ask myself, what parts of the relationship were real and what parts were fake.

 

She gave me a lot of affection, but toward the end it faded quickly. And then one day, I didn't recognize her anymore. She wasn't the person I used to know. That person was gone forever.

Edited August 9, 2017 by Logo

[bummer]

I don't know why I'm holding on to all that stuff. Although, I do feel that if I got rid of it, I might somehow regret it.

 

You'll regret in another year when you're still holding onto hope and you're no further along. PURGE. I'm doing it. Join the fun.

[Chilli]

But why do you have to find somebody else soon anyway logo, how longs it been, how long was the relationship ?

You don't sound anywhere near ready yet .

 

l get the loneliness and missing, and that friends don't cut it.

l sorta admire you making and effort to get back on the horse but tbh , l think your wanting that too much when your not even ready and that's probably what's messing it up.

But even if you did meet someone right now the way your feeling would probably just not work out even mess you up more anyway,

Maybe try to chill for awhile and take some time out , work through your ex stuff , just live life for awhile.

[DarrenB]

In the cycle of nature there is no such thing as victory or defeat: there is only movement.

The gazelle eats the grass and is devoured by the lion. It isn’t a matter of who is the strongest, but God’s way of showing us the cycle of death and resurrection.

 

And within that cycle there are neither winners nor losers, there are only stages that must be gone through. When the human heart understands this, it is free, able to accept difficult times and not be deceived by moments of glory.

 

Both will pass. One will succeed the other. And the cycle will continue until we liberate ourselves from the flesh and find the Divine Energy.

Therefore, when the fighter is in the ring – whether by his own choice or because unfathomable destiny has placed him there – may his spirit be filled with joy at the prospect of the fight ahead. If he holds on to his dignity and his honour, then, even if he loses the fight, he will never be defeated, because his soul will remain intact.

- Paulo Coelho, Manuscript found in Accra

[Logo]

In the cycle of nature there is no such thing as victory or defeat: there is only movement.

The gazelle eats the grass and is devoured by the lion. It isn’t a matter of who is the strongest, but God’s way of showing us the cycle of death and resurrection.

 

And within that cycle there are neither winners nor losers, there are only stages that must be gone through. When the human heart understands this, it is free, able to accept difficult times and not be deceived by moments of glory.

 

Both will pass. One will succeed the other. And the cycle will continue until we liberate ourselves from the flesh and find the Divine Energy.

Therefore, when the fighter is in the ring – whether by his own choice or because unfathomable destiny has placed him there – may his spirit be filled with joy at the prospect of the fight ahead. If he holds on to his dignity and his honour, then, even if he loses the fight, he will never be defeated, because his soul will remain intact.

- Paulo Coelho, Manuscript found in Accra

 

Wise words.

 

 

 

 

What, in your opinion, does losing the proverbial fight mean in matters of the heart and relationships?

[Logo]

You'll regret in another year when you're still holding onto hope and you're no further along. PURGE. I'm doing it. Join the fun.

 

 

 

Just to clarify, I'm not holding onto hope that we might reconnect. I won't even consider it. It's all those good times immortalized in photos that im afraid of forgetting should things around me become so bleak that I will need a reminder of the possibilities that lie ahead, out there in the world.

[JDPT]

Feeling slightly depressed tonight. I had a pretty decent and productive day. I'm thinking it could possibly be due to going to an open house for a masters program and they not offering what i'm looking for. I have several different other schools lined up and choosing one that will accept me isn't a problem. I guess little things like this bring me down considering the emotional state in which i'm in, it exacerbates it all. This too shall pass.

[fieldoflavender]

Just to clarify, I'm not holding onto hope that we might reconnect. I won't even consider it. It's all those good times immortalized in photos that im afraid of forgetting should things around me become so bleak that I will need a reminder of the possibilities that lie ahead, out there in the world.

 

Seriously leaving photos is not a good idea unless you don't want to move on. I got rid of ALL of them, none left over. There is none necessary. It's not like I will actually really forget it (I wish). It helps me move on. The past stays in the past. It doesn't mean no second chances if for what 1 in billion chance we ever have a chance together - it's not like we need those old pictures for that to happen. But at this time, you are not getting back together, so just get rid of it. Otherwise that hope is still there - those excuses.

 

The possibilities are more visible after the past is purged.

[shellybing]

I am here just being myself.

 

I have my good days and bad days. We broke up almost a year ago. I've been getting my **** together since then. Hoping to buy a home soon, all by my pretty little self. Yay me!

 

On the other hand, life is hard.

 

I tried to start dating again, but it did not go over well. I decided to get some dental work done that I have been needing for a long time and to buy a home. I am so happy about these two things, but also so lonely. I thought if I got my teeth straightened (slightly crooked with a gap) that I would look better and be more presentable for dating. TBH looks are not everything, but I feel that this is for me more than anyone. I need that to feel more confident.

 

I also need a home, and I am keeping my fingers crossed.

 

The break up was bad, I am over him, but I am not ready to date again. I will be though, I have not given up. I have just taken a break.

 

<3 worried about loving myself right now.

[Mr. Noname]

Having a bad day, 7 weeks post break up. NC for 6 weeks now. Went to the gym this day, started with a new workout routine with a friend. The exercises were very difficult and I didn't lift what I wanted, felt like a loser. Just the same kind of loser that lost his girlfriend of 3.5 year. I'm blaming myself of the breakup, things I did wrong and messed up. Thinking about how she is not reaching out to me, is moving on with her life and possibily is just relieved she broke up with me. After the workout I went home, cried for 10-15 min or so (I'm also crying when I write this down) and wrote a letter to her and vent my emotions (didn't send it of course!). I think crying is good for getting the emotions out of my system but I'm going trough a very bad day. Later this day I must go to work, hope it will take my mind of my ex.

[IDB_2017]

Today is difficult! Tenth day NC. A huge massive deadline tomorrow that I'm trying to finish tonight.

 

I split with my best friend and GF of 6.5 years after many things, but I'm mainly coping with the thought that she may never have been that physically attracted to me, and was just hugely emotionally invested in me. She loved me, for sure, but she wasn't in love with me. A LDR of 3 years and daily life stress seemed to bring this to a head recently. And I never really knew.

 

Anyway, struggling with feelings of rejection and time lost today. It's rough. But I'll be okay.

[Jsos91]

I'm doing pretty well today, I went out with the girl I kissed on Saturday and it went really well! She's really sweet and has her life together which I admire. She was very easy to talk to and we came to realize that we're both out of 2 year relationships in may. We're both in agreement that we need to take things slow and just have fun and enjoy each others company for the time being. The best part of it all is that I've hardly been thinking of my ex lately... she just feels like such a distant memory. It's amazing what time can do and how far I've come!

[Samantha.Leo]

It comes in waves. Giant waves that knock the wind out of my chest and leave me gasping on the floor. One minute I am OK, and I am coping, and doing normal daily things, smiling a little. The next minute I am pulling over on the side of the road to cry, yell, sob, and wish I could talk to him. I did this for 20 minutes in the car today. Yesterday, I fell to the floor in my room begging the powers that be to have him call or text or something. 30 minutes yesterday. It has been like this since Sunday. Our last contact. Well, his last contact. I don't think that this has ever been this bad with anyone else. These waves come from no where. The simplest reminder of him and I'm knocked down again. I need help. I feel like someone close to me died!

[bummer]

1. what's changed in her life to make her better than before? A bit older, more experience with work and adult life. She's had time to reflect. She's dated around in short relationships and none of them stuck. She can see value in someone who invests time into her needy needs.

 

2. What does she want and what does she actually need? What does she articulate or show by action? She wants free-spirited connections to people who are happy. She wants people who are extroverted, but have emotional needs and issues like her to reflect upon. She wants people near her who listen and support her and her emotions. So I think.

 

She needs a room full of mirrors that echos her doubts back at her and shows herself to herself. She needs to realize her jealousy and fear are hers. Her actions to sabotage relationships are exactly what she derides in others. She never worked it out, so she acts it out. She needs quiet time without an exit, to face herself.

 

3."why do I need to save her?" Because I like to fix things. Things should be made whole and if no one else is helping, shouldn't I? If you see suffering, shouldn't you do as much as you can to help?... -But what if you don't have the tools to help?

 

4."Are the constant headgames worth this, if nothing ever improves in 6mo, 1yr, 10yr?" NOPE. Just have to take time to believe this and remember it. NOPE NOPE NOPE.

[JDPT]

such a rough day today, I pray that tomorrow will be better.

[fieldoflavender]

Today something bad happened to someone who really helped me and many other people. It makes me think about karma and not that I want anything bad to happen to my ex's family, but I wonder why they get to live all happy while good honest people suffer like this person. When I know his father did very terrible things to earn lots of money and screwed tons of people out of a job to climb up and earn ++++ money. And his family is so selfish. Yet there is no karma.

 

But that's not up to me. Whether they get it or not meh.

 

I feel terrible and I hope this good person will do better. Life is not fair. We only try our best with the hands we are dealt.

[Deadmeat]

Today something bad happened to someone who really helped me and many other people. It makes me think about karma and not that I want anything bad to happen to my ex's family, but I wonder why they get to live all happy while good honest people suffer like this person. When I know his father did very terrible things to earn lots of money and screwed tons of people out of a job to climb up and earn ++++ money. And his family is so selfish. Yet there is no karma.

 

But that's not up to me. Whether they get it or not meh.

 

I feel terrible and I hope this good person will do better. Life is not fair. We only try our best with the hands we are dealt.

 

That's why I don't believe in Karma. Rather, I believe that the universe places us in front of obstacles so that we may overcome then and learn to be stronger.

 

Karma is just a way to justify when we see things we don't like.

 

Just my opinion.

[Amas5750]

Im feeling better than last night. Yestday was in bed from 5.30. Depressed . Didnt really eat.

Yesterday at work i felt ok some of the time, reasonable some of the time plus apathy n fear n anger. Mostly i could be absorbed in work n im super producgtive..

 

Had a deep cry for about 5 mins in my car yesterday..

 

I just feell like ive still lost my footing. Its scary. Im getting some footing back i think..

 

I still feel cheated. Why are others given lovely partners and i havent to date. I'm a good person... so some confusion n anger.

 

Im just distressed that i feel (at this stage) like i'll never ever be able to grt over the idealisrd version/the originally presented cersion of himself.

 

But if im hobest i was unsettled n v lonely in that relationship for about 6 months... so i can also see n feel that this break up was necessary n healty

Edited August 11, 2017 by Amas5750

[Samantha.Leo]

It comes in waves. Giant waves that knock the wind out of my chest and leave me gasping on the floor. One minute I am OK, and I am coping, and doing normal daily things, smiling a little. The next minute I am pulling over on the side of the road to cry, yell, sob, and wish I could talk to him. I did this for 20 minutes in the car today. Yesterday, I fell to the floor in my room begging the powers that be to have him call or text or something. 30 minutes yesterday. It has been like this since Sunday. Our last contact. Well, his last contact. I don't think that this has ever been this bad with anyone else. These waves come from no where. The simplest reminder of him and I'm knocked down again. I need help. I feel like someone close to me died!

 

Today has been better, no waves have hit me yet, but I do still feel a little sad. I'm feeling more anger today, though.

[JDPT]

Much better day today, thank God. I started my day off on a wonderful note and kept myself doing lots of productive activities. I'm learning to redirect my thoughts when thoughts of my ex pop in my heat, what a sense or relieve blocking those feel. I wish I could have done this earlier it would have saved me a significant amount of pain and agony. I will try my best at practicing this and hope to get very good at it to the point that the thoughts won't hunt me anymore.