How are you coping today?

[Jsos91]

Todays been a weird one. You decided to send me kind of a dumb email:

 

"hey you,

 

I got this email.... do you need it?

 

I hope you are well.

 

M"

 

It was an email for my Sony account that I had already gotten last week, the wedding was supposed to be 3 weeks away and you open with, "hey you"... seriously?? You're on your placement across the world and your sending me that? I don't understand, I just don't get the point, leave me be. I broke as soon as I saw it, such a stupid little mundane message and it broke me.. why do you have to haunt me? as soon as I start to feel the least bit better, you reach out.

[JDPT]

So today was the hardest day by far. I kept reminding myself that progress is not often linear and that I might jump from place and that's totally ok. I was at the local Barns and Noble where all of the sudden this overwhelming sense of sadness rushed my chest to the point that I had to go out to my car and let my tears roll down my cheeks.

 

As I was driving home I found myself driving by a park where we spent a lot of time sitting on a bench feeding the ducks. I sat there staring at that empty bench from my car with extremely sad music playing and that's when the flood gates opened. I was in so much pain and agony, my brain just wanted to remember the good in the relationship and completely disregard the bad.

 

I texted my best friend who tried to reel me back into reality while allowing me to feel and go through the pain. I really needed to let it out, it felt very cathartic afterwards. I wish I could cry more often. I supposed I've conditioned myself to suppress my emotion my entire life that it makes it very difficult for me to cry under any circumstances. I want to cry until I can't cry anymore. When here an I broke up she cried for days, at the moment I wished I could cry as well but I couldn't I didn't have it in me to cry.

 

I needed privacy to cry, I needed to actually feel the pain to the point where I couldn't handle it anymore and just let it out. I'm happy I cried as painful as it was, i look forward to crying in the future. I must embrace the pain and process, I must go through this, it's imperative that I experience every little bit of this loss so that I can look back at this with gratitude an a smile and say, "i'm glad I went through that back then..."

[whatnot]

I can't say that I've ever gone through pain that I was glad I went through. What I can say is that I'm glad i'm out of situations even though it caused me pain to get out of them. But...I'm glad the pain is over.

 

 

I bought an airplane today. It's tore up. I'll get it repaired and sell it. It's what I do. It's the first plane I've bought in 8 years. I actually quit doing my job over that woman. What a fool am I? My net worth never went up the whole time we dated. It feels *wonderful* to finally be doing something productive....for myself again. Using my own judgement....being my own person....making my own decisions....for myself....for my own best interest again. I'd forgotten what that feels like. I'd forgotten who I was.

 

I miss the time I wasted. It's what's making me sad as I write this. Not the woman....my own self-destruction....Thank you Life Force...for giving me another opportunity ... after my failing for so long.... to do what's best ... She never missed a beat lol

[whatnot]

I feel gratitude....and free. smile I'm regaining autonomy..................which may actually *be* a life force in it's own right? smile lol

[sorano]

Starting to build resentment toward women. I feel unwanted, rejected and discarded. And worst of all, I don't know why I'm being treated this way.

 

I'm nice, I carry an intelligent conversation....

 

 

Perhaps my ex screwed me up to the point that I need to start from scratch, like a teenager learning to flirt for the first time.

 

This is really frustrating. What gives?

 

And I have gotten over my ex. She's no longer on my mind as someone I miss or wish that I stayed with.

 

I want to move on, I'm ready, I miss the companionship, I miss intimacy.

 

I know how you feel. I just can't go through what I went through. Not happening. My energy, desire, commitment to a woman is over. I'm not saying my ex won but she did mess me up. And all the other women as well. This one just crushed me. I really don't want a relationship anymore. I don't even want a friend with benefits. I don't care if I don't get laid for twenty years.

 

I'm happy being alone now. My own freedom. Do what I want. No more setting up dates, meeting the friends, family, doing all those stupid steps to becoming a couple. IMO, it's bull****. Hey, more power to those who want to continue on that journey. I wish them all the luck. Family, kids, etc. I pray. Me? No. it's over.

 

Society today is wild. The women are on a whole other level. The men are becoming beta as ****. People on this FORUM told me to read NO MORE MR NICE GUY. Read it.

[JDPT]

I know how you feel. I just can't go through what I went through. Not happening. My energy, desire, commitment to a woman is over. I'm not saying my ex won but she did mess me up. And all the other women as well. This one just crushed me. I really don't want a relationship anymore. I don't even want a friend with benefits. I don't care if I don't get laid for twenty years.

 

I'm happy being alone now. My own freedom. Do what I want. No more setting up dates, meeting the friends, family, doing all those stupid steps to becoming a couple. IMO, it's bull****. Hey, more power to those who want to continue on that journey. I wish them all the luck. Family, kids, etc. I pray. Me? No. it's over.

 

Society today is wild. The women are on a whole other level. The men are becoming beta as ****. People on this FORUM told me to read NO MORE MR NICE GUY. Read it.

 

Be gentle with yourself, and give yourself some time, in due time it'll all make sense.

[fieldoflavender]

Today and this entire work is really terrible. I find the unpredictability really hard. I was doing well the 2 weeks prior and maybe I am still going through stages of break-up and now I am hitting the depression. I am not working as much this week which makes me worse. I am working more in the next few weeks/months so hopefully it'll be a distraction. A lot of things my friends are saying to me now are rubbing off on me the wrong way and they're often being insensitive. I know it might also be because I'm too sensitive.

 

So I'm just trying to distance myself away from me but then I feel incredibly isolated. I'm still very embarrassed by everything that happened.

 

The few new people I was thinking of dating haven't worked out either. But I expected that. How can you expect that once you break-up you will find someone better? I'm certainly not to be so lucky.

 

So I guess - what it all comes down to - is taking time for myself, which includes the self-reflection and misery. Taking accountability is hard too, but I am trying. At least I apologized so I feel better about that. Even if I was manipulated to do so in the beginning, but it doesn't matter - I did. And that helps with the guilt a bit, although doesn't help with the anger in how I was treated and taken advantage of.

 

Meh. I'm hoping tomorrow onwards it'll be better once I am working. It's sad to think that working is the one thing that's helping me the most - but I am so grateful I didn't give up my career to help his like he wanted me to. He never said so explicitly and even denied, but his actions were encouraging me to do so. And now at least I have that.

 

Sigh. Oh well. Life is about ups and downs. I know there were such important lessons I needed to learn in this relationship and I will never ever forget them again. But why does it have to be so painful and at such a high cost? And why could I not have learned them at a younger age?

[trustyourself]

Woke up feeling pretty good, but I bumped in to a friend I have not seen in a while and they asked about my situation (I had confided in the previous issues with my ex). So i told them the latest developments and that seemed to bring a weight to my chest. I then stupidly looked at her and her new guys instagram. Instant regret.

 

I just want to be over these emotions. I know we can never be together now, after everything she has done, but I am struggling to let go.

 

I just want to be back to my strong, confident self. I want everything she took from me back.

[trustyourself]

H trustyourself,

 

 

I feel you. My ex also left me to be with someone else and I also find it difficult to stop thinking about him and longing for him. Today I woke up with the feeling that our relationship was the best thing that ever happened to me and that I should try to get it back. I know it was a dysfunctional relationship, leaving me a shell of who I really am. Still, I can't seem to convince my heart to let go. Does anyone have any tips on better coping with these moments? It feels as if at those moments, all I can think about are the magical moments we had in the beginning of our relationship and the hurtful moments are just gone.

 

Hi Liesbeth,

 

Hang in there. I know its hard. This is a great community to help you through.

 

The moments when i sink in to despair are hard. They happen less and less though. I had a really bad weekend this weekend. I was miserable.

 

this is the 3rd breakup with my ex, and the last thanks to her leaving me for someone else. I tolerated a lot, but not that.

 

Its not as bad as the last breakup. I was devastated. Truly. It actually scared me.

 

This time it hurts, but it has opened my eyes to the fact that this person I loved with all my heart, is not the person that left me. She never showed me the real her until the end.

 

Be strong. Surround yourself with friends and family, keep yourself as busy as you can. And don't fear the tears. Embrace them. They help with the healing.

 

Stay NC. And if you need to talk to someone, feel free to PM me

[Chilli]

I can't say that I've ever gone through pain that I was glad I went through. What I can say is that I'm glad i'm out of situations even though it caused me pain to get out of them. But...I'm glad the pain is over.

 

 

I bought an airplane today. It's tore up. I'll get it repaired and sell it. It's what I do. It's the first plane I've bought in 8 years. I actually quit doing my job over that woman. What a fool am I? My net worth never went up the whole time we dated. It feels *wonderful* to finally be doing something productive....for myself again. Using my own judgement....being my own person....making my own decisions....for myself....for my own best interest again. I'd forgotten what that feels like. I'd forgotten who I was.

 

I miss the time I wasted. It's what's making me sad as I write this. Not the woman....my own self-destruction....Thank you Life Force...for giving me another opportunity ... after my failing for so long.... to do what's best ... She never missed a beat lol

 

That's something like what l was feeling working on my deck and the house again.

At least l can feel and do things like you've talked about again now.

And l won't have to move now, unless "l" want to. l can be settled again. So much confusion over the last 18mths.

Glad you found a plane , that's a bit like what l do only l buy RV's.

Feels good to get the ball rolling again doesn't it,

[whatnot]

That's something like what l was feeling working on my deck and the house again.

At least l can feel and do things like you've talked about again now.

And l won't have to move now, unless "l" want to. l can be settled again. So much confusion over the last 18mths.

Glad you found a plane , that's a bit like what l do only l buy RV's.

Feels good to get the ball rolling again doesn't it,

yes. it's been over a year of NC. One date with her in 18 mos. At 58, I was convinced my life was over. What could possibly happen good for a 60 year old man...from here on out? was my attitude...and now....

 

I'm unsure what the future holds.....but instead of that being a bad thing...it's becoming an exciting new chapter.....

 

congrats your recovery Chlli. The fat lady ain't singin' just yet...

[Amas5750]

Its raining on thr tin roof. I'm in my bed just sobbing.

 

Short lived sobbing. Its been 2 months exactly.. but i only moved out a week ago.

 

Im embarrassed but i actually live a lonely life. Who is to blame & where did i go wrong?

 

I think i'll never love again. I have been thought 3 brwak ups this decade. I just feel floored & like a shell. I feel this last break up floored me.

Even the sound of the rain doesnt soothe- because how did i end up here.? I thinm about him all day and how it ended like this.

He idolised me then discarded me. Like men have dkne before him. Now i catch a look of myself in the mirror and shes so sad now.

The rain on the roof is supposed to be soothing.

 

Ugh he just txt me n thanked me 4 cominv over (i went over tonight n had dinner w him for first time in a week- actually a good thing 4 me i think cos i realise "i dont really love him).....

 

Im so lost.

Any input?

[Chilli]

Thanks for that whatnot and same to you mate.

 

Hey amas. sorta glad you had dinner with him then because yeah l reckon it can help you get perspective again sometimes.

let the sobbing run free, think it helps, such a time thing. time time time

 

ya won't be lost forever , just for now , more of that time stuff, hang in there.

[fieldoflavender]

Amas, maybe you should try to limit contact with your ex. Having dinner really won't help you heal.

 

In some ways, I'm glad my ex turned out to be a jerk in the end. He really wasn't for most of the relationship (very passive and passive aggressive in ways and anyhow not bluntly a jerk) but it is helping me move on. And I feel less guilt.

 

I think I realized today the most hurtful thing out of this relationship it brought out the absolute worst in me. I still hold accountability but given I've never done those things before, I'm pretty certain had I not been with him, I would be a better and happier person without all the hurt and terrible history now that I can never wipe clean.

 

I'm hoping it'll just be a bad bad bad dream that will go away forever. I almost wish I was 45 now so I can forget that this all ever happened. Or even better 80 lol with grandchildren and then be like - who was this dude?

 

I'm sure I will never "forget" him but he will be a distant memory. I know no one gets a free pass, but with time, and with better experiences, I will have a chance to be a better partner and love appropriately and not love people who don't deserved to be loved or be with people who I don't actually love.

 

I don't know why it cost SO much to learn those lessons, but I suppose better now than later. Should have learned these lessons in my teens, but I guess better now than even later. Sigh. I shudder at all the bad memories. I just wish they would all go away. I hate that he still lives in the same city and so does his terrible family. Well part of his family. I wish they would all go away like a bad dream. Well I've done my best to get rid of anything to do with him and his family. There are a few little things left, but they will be on their way to get sold/donated/rid of soon.

[fieldoflavender]

And part of me is annoyed that he still has things of mine, but definitely 10 million times not worth it to get it back (And he probably got rid of it anyways the **).

 

Casualties of war, just like Chin Up told me in another post. But it's very invasive that something personal of yours is with someone else. He never gave me anything personal as a gift. I gave him all sorts of personal things - little crafts I made when I was 16 years old, original photographs from a long time ago, hand-made cards, etc.

 

He bought me +++++ $$$$ expensive things, but I could just go to the store tomorrow and buy them again. It's just a matter of cost. Almost all of the things I got him were not things he could just go to a store and buy.

[divegrl]

I don't know why I keep trying........ tears.

[Amas5750]

I don't know why I keep trying........ tears.

 

Because somewhere in you theres an awareness that things can be radically different

[JDPT]

Rough past couple of days, but I know the pain eventually subsides and I'll remain to face all of this, I can do this, I'm strong enough to push forward because life goes on!!! I'm looking into online masters programs, I need to keep moving, can't stop!!!

[JDPT]

I don't know why I keep trying........ tears.

 

Because there is a light at the end of the tunnel and God has put this test in front of you for you to confront it, learn from it, process it, and come out a new and improved you. Be gentle and take it a day at a time, you can do this, we are all here for you.

[JDPT]

 

I just want to be back to my strong, confident self. I want everything she took from me back.

 

 

It's still in you, , dig deep and you'll find it.

[Teany3]

Rough day here as well. Today was one of those days where I kept getting slammed with reminders and flashbacks. It was relentless. Exhausting. It took so much energy to literally snap myself out of those. It was like the movie Inception...I needed a "kick" to send me back up the layers.

 

As if that wasn't enough, today I learned that I am officially the only person in my group of my friends that is f.....g single. I mean the only one that is left. Everyone is either in a heavy relationship, living together, or married.

 

Everyone turn up your favorite pity party song.

 

I am here with my Trader Joe's dinner wondering how the f..k 15 years of my life shot by. I went from being in college and my world was full, fun, and lively. To this place. The uncomfortable quiet. What's scary are those deep thoughts that come out of nowhere. Almost like whispers that often accompany the flashbacks.

 

What pisses me off the most is that this is the one area that is uncontrollable yet controllable in my life. Graduate from high school? Check. Finish college? Check. Graduate school? Check. Successful career? Check.

 

Love, marriage, and preferably a sex life that isn't constantly suffocated by unbelievably long periods of celibacy? Hello? Sigh. M.....f....r

 

Despite all this. I know it is better to be where I am now than in the relationship I was ejected from. I know it. I do. I just wish my head and heart would hurry up and sync.

 

F..k. How many hours until tomorrow?

[divegrl]

Thanks my friends. You all are the best. Had a low moment today.... feeling better.

 

Radically different.... that sounds amazing.

 

Hugs my friends!

[fieldoflavender]

I don't know - there's been so many triggers lately. I felt so angry today for no good reason. I had a bad dream about him and it was really messed up.

 

Then I found some old show tickets that he made me and some old ticket stubs - and I threw them in shredder. That felt good. But I'm running out of things that we had shared that I can destroy anymore. I still have a few other things to destroy. I didn't know what to even do. I pulled out my old iPhone and deleted him on that too. I know all of this is pointless, but somehow it's the few little things. He wasn't in my life that long, but I want to make sure he's gone - physical evidence all gone. The memories will follow.

 

I still need to get rid of his gifts and it's annoying. I think by the end of the month, I'm just going to donate them to Goodwill or something. I wanted some money for it but meh too much work. I don't even know.

 

I don't know how to delete my history with him. I can't.

 

Has anyone watched Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind? I can't believe I'm relating ti to myself - but it would be nice to completely wipe away all memories in my mind relating to him. If I could have not clicked his online profile a year ago, I would have not done it. Sometimes one little action can bring upon so much regret, pain, and mistakes and lost opportunities and steer you a completely different path.

 

I wish I never met him. The lessons I've learned - I wish I did not have to learn through so much pain. Sigh.

[Amas5750]

Moved my last stuff out of the house we shared today. Took hours. Mostly i was stoic n functional. Had a few tiny cries. One big cry in his arms as i was leaving the house for the last time..

We lay in bed as its the last room on the house. He kept sort of trting to have sex with me. We have had sex oncebin the last 6-8 months. I turned him down cos i thought it would set me back heaps. I was already tearful and have lost so much weight n crying on the daily for 2 months.

 

I kept having to ask god for help cos there were triggers everywhere n in all the items i packed up n took to the rubbish tip.

 

It was heaps of physical work to lift bed heads out of the attic etc. So im literally sooo exhausted n numb. Many hours of triggers, sneaky cries about the house, taking items to the dump and throwing things on a big pile of rubbish, physical activity and one massive cry in his arms, giving the keys back to him and sayjng goodbye to the cat, saying goodbye to the house that i tried to make a home, crying over lots of gifts n objects. Yeah. Exhsusted n numb but kind of in a good way.

[Miss Spider]

Have 2 dates in a row today and 1 tmrw I really don't even wanna go on , but I can't back out this late