1fish2fish Posted July 24, 2017 Posted July 24, 2017 My ex got into contact with me on Saturday. 32 days NC. To make a long story short, he rung me and told he missed me like crazy and that he wanted to see me after work. I agreed and we talked and he admitted what an idiot he was and how much he had missed me every single day. We spent the day together yesterday and it was absolutely perfect. We both agreed we're not going to rush into anything and I've said I'm not getting back with him until he agrees to go to anger management. He agreed and said we have a lot to work on, but that he's so happy I picked up the phone because he thought I wouldnt. He didn't stop complimenting me, calling me beautiful and gorgeous while trying to touch me... We went to the shops and he kissed me, kissed my forehead and had his arm around me the whole time. He even cooked me dinner yesterday and we watched a nature documentary while cuddling. He begged me to stay the night but I stood my ground and said no, that it was too soon and that he can't just click his fingers and I give in. Our 32 days apart have made me stronger. I'm absolutely determined to make things different this time. And hey, if he walks away from me again, at least I know I can live without him. One step at a time... (I couldn't be happier or feeling more smug right now though!) Be careful with your heart! You have come so far from wanting to end it all (remember?) and we all would hate to see you get hurt again. Remember - actions!!! Not words. Take ALL the time YOU need to wait and see his actions. Good luck! 5
Wuku Posted July 24, 2017 Posted July 24, 2017 So, after almost a year and a half NC, she has text me. She saw that I was moving and text to wish me happiness on my travels. We exchanged texts a few times over the last couple of days, but I think it's about to go quiet again now. I'm surprised she still had my number, and was shocked that she text at all after all that silence. By texting me she has also given me her new number, that I never had before. I'm not reading anything into it, she seems happy in her life. At first I felt it was helping me by texting, it seemed to be helping me move on, but now, I'm starting to feel down again and it seems to be re-opening old wounds. I know I can never be with her, but she is still the love of my life. It almost feels like starting all over again! 1
Stuck2532 Posted July 24, 2017 Posted July 24, 2017 My ex got into contact with me on Saturday. 32 days NC. To make a long story short, he rung me and told he missed me like crazy and that he wanted to see me after work. I agreed and we talked and he admitted what an idiot he was and how much he had missed me every single day. We spent the day together yesterday and it was absolutely perfect. We both agreed we're not going to rush into anything and I've said I'm not getting back with him until he agrees to go to anger management. He agreed and said we have a lot to work on, but that he's so happy I picked up the phone because he thought I wouldnt. He didn't stop complimenting me, calling me beautiful and gorgeous while trying to touch me... We went to the shops and he kissed me, kissed my forehead and had his arm around me the whole time. He even cooked me dinner yesterday and we watched a nature documentary while cuddling. He begged me to stay the night but I stood my ground and said no, that it was too soon and that he can't just click his fingers and I give in. Our 32 days apart have made me stronger. I'm absolutely determined to make things different this time. And hey, if he walks away from me again, at least I know I can live without him. One step at a time... (I couldn't be happier or feeling more smug right now though!) I wish and hope all goes well for you! 1
Little-Wolf Posted July 24, 2017 Posted July 24, 2017 Be careful with your heart! You have come so far from wanting to end it all (remember?) and we all would hate to see you get hurt again. Remember - actions!!! Not words. Take ALL the time YOU need to wait and see his actions. Good luck! It's so lovely to have strangers on the internet look out for me... I'm so grateful. I'll be careful and slow, promise. Thank you so much. 2
fieldoflavender Posted July 25, 2017 Posted July 25, 2017 I think one of the hardest things I still struggle with on a day to day basis is the realization that I did not really love him. I thought I did at one point - and I definitely cared and maybe still do to a point, but when our differences became so significant, I realize - I do not love him. Not in the way that I was able to sacrifice for him. I felt trapped that I would spend the rest of my life with him. Even a big difference is how I coped with the break-up versus Little Wolf. I don't even remember that many things about our times together to be honest. Or maybe I'm blocking them out on purpose. It's all a fade. And it's become clear that he is just visiting my life - not to walk the rest of it with me. I had been writing letters to him, but I stopped - I don't have that much to say to him anymore. I actually don't really know what's going in his head - but at this point, I don't care either. It no longer should be of a matter to me. I don't know if I am ready to try casual dating. I know it's "too soon" blah blah, but what is definite in the matters of the heart? I don't know - but it's worth a shot. It was hard for me to come to terms immediately post break-up that there are other men out there, but I"m now confident that there are. I don't know if they may be as bad as he was - or never measure up in other ways. But they're not his replacement - they're just people I want to get to know. I am happy being alone for the time being. I kept visualizing immediately post break up that he would realize he was wrong, come back to me, etc. But now even that doesn't matter anymore - the damage is done, and it was done with much thought on his part. And actions spell out louder than anything in life. And when life tells me to move on, I will. Tomorrow I will donate the last of all his stuff. I still have a few gifts remaining that I still have to figure out what to do - but by the end of next month hopefully I would have rid myself of any evidence that he was ever in my life in my own little world. Sure ten million people know about the engagement and I can't stop the past - but at least in my own little world, I've pushed him out. And finally I'm starting to do all these things for me - they have nothing to do with him. I really do not plan on contacting him again and I do not think he will either.
Chilli Posted July 25, 2017 Posted July 25, 2017 Regrets Only one of Weakened moments Shoulda coulda's What if's Maybe's No solution, fixes, magic potions Irreplaceable If only And more regrets Time 2
Amas5750 Posted July 25, 2017 Posted July 25, 2017 Was in fresh hell literally all day. Sat through a work conference for 8 hours on 'wound care'. Just thought about how im moving out in 1.5 days and wounded the whole day. Just felt desperate n like i was bleeding out. Everyome around me is not in the crises that i am and therefore freely chatted and laughed at the jokes etc. I fake semi laughed at the jokes and, im sure, looked a bit shell shocked with greasy hair. Then tonight i forced myself out of the house to attend "divorce care".. its a 1.5 hour local divorce support group. Divorce care is actually international brand..they have this program all around the world... . Its loosely based in anglican christian faith. My god.. the welcoming and inclusive nature of all ppl there. There were like 15 divorcees.... so good to know yoire not alone. I finally, this being the last night that my ex and I are under the same roof, have peace. I feel a relatively very highs sense of peace.
Amas5750 Posted July 25, 2017 Posted July 25, 2017 Packing the house up today. I feel scared, pensive, sad, confused, heart broken, ... mostly just heart broken. He's gone to a conference do the house is SO quiet. Im kind of not liking the quiet. I feel like an empty shell. I dont know how i could ever be happy or whole again.
Miss Spider Posted July 25, 2017 Posted July 25, 2017 I woke up today and found my bunny laying on its side. I burst into tears. thought she was dead. She apparently was just doing a "bunny flop" because she got up right away but I was so scared I can't talk to guys. Whether IRL or online, I just freeze. It's not the normal nervousness, it's like I don't know what I want. If I could snap fingers and get a bf I would, but ever since my ex I've never tried building a relationship with a guy /getting to know him and having him get to know me. It's not worth the effort. I really want to be single but I feel pressured 1
JDPT Posted July 25, 2017 Posted July 25, 2017 Today was a bit rough for me, i found out last night that my ex moves back to her country next month. Although I was the one who broke things off due to her cheating (I cheated as well) I suppose I feel this sense of abandonment as she is actually the one who is "leaving" if that makes any sense. Today was rough but I'm confident that tomorrow will be a much better day. I will continue to pray to God and for him to grant me the opportunity to be ok and breathe again. I know I can get through this. I've gone through worse breakups in the past. I'm amazed at how well i'm doing. And this is because i'm very vigorously implementing everything I've learned since my last breakup so I can heal, learn from this and process this experience. I know I will be ok,.
Cora Posted July 25, 2017 Posted July 25, 2017 Not sure why it's hit me so hard today. I've done really well the past few days. I've actually been happy. Started dating again. But today I just burst into tears in the shower for no reason. I couldn't stop. I realized that I miss him so very much. Tomorrow is his birthday and I wish I could be there to wish him a happy birthday in person. I wish things could be like they used to be. I miss his smile the most. It really could light up a room. I miss the way he made me feel. How he'd always say "goodnight pretty eyes." I had a dream the other night...a very vivid dream and it still makes me sick just thinking about it. I dreamt I went to his house only to find him gone. All his things were gone. He no longer lived there. I woke up in such a panic. Sigh...I miss him a lot today. 2
fieldoflavender Posted July 26, 2017 Posted July 26, 2017 Today is hard. My family member is sick again and I"m scared. He was there for me last time, but I don't think he cares anymore now (well I know that). And it doesn't concern him anymore. It makes me feel like I was abandoned during a time that I am most vulnerable. But I'm strong and I'll get through it. It's not the end of the world. The best thing I can do for myself is being strong for myself and being independent. If I can do that alone, then no matter who walks away, I can handle it. I'm scared about the future. I really am. It's not even about my relationship issues anymore, it's about things that I really do not have control over. 4
Amas5750 Posted July 26, 2017 Posted July 26, 2017 Not coping that well today. Moving out tomorrow night. Packing my items & had a day off work. Its difficult to pack my things when i cant "see" my future. I just cried every half hour. I just bloody bawled my eyes out in bed. I had a good chat to my mum on the phone- she is amazing and went through a painful divorce 30 years ago and understood my pain. Its so good to have her fully listening with the right thing to say. I got a massage which was the other highlight if the day. But i still love my ex and am seething that it didnt result in a little family. Seething. And crying a wholeeee lot 1
Jsos91 Posted July 26, 2017 Posted July 26, 2017 I feel pretty good today, had a good workout before going into work today. Something that was really encouraging last night was I felt this sudden burst of strength, that I felt excited to have my own apartment and pay my own bills. I start school in about a month and I'm going to be working out and playing hockey, I feel as though I'm going to be too busy to even think about dating which doesn't bother me at all. I just don't have the energy to build a new relationship with someone right now. She's going to be back from her school placement at the end of August and I'm still wondering if I'll hear from her, I did every week up to when she left so, it's a real possibility. I'm not holding out for it or anything, it's a curiousity for sure though. The worst part of it all at this point is that our wedding should've been under a month from now so that's what's been hanging over me, I'll survive though. I have faith in myself.
Amas5750 Posted July 26, 2017 Posted July 26, 2017 Had an ok sleep. Just seems to be a chronic pain in my body. I really hope it fafes. It must fade to make way for something else. Logic tells me it will. I just feel i might be epically shattered by this Please let me see logic and hope today. I do sometimes get logic and hope burst in. Mum says i just have only to focus on gettjng bavk to healthy and happy me 1
Nogan Posted July 26, 2017 Posted July 26, 2017 It became hard again the last day or two. I dunno why. Just woke up from a dream about her and now I'm smoking. Some girl just strolled by who looked like her. Recently broke things off with someone promising because I just wasn't ready 1
Cora Posted July 27, 2017 Posted July 27, 2017 I wished him a happy birthday. He thanked me and that was it. Not sure what I was expecting. I probably shouldn't have said anything to him, but I wanted him to know I held no animosity toward him. I feel sad, numb and broken. Cried driving home from work today. I miss him so much. Can't stop thinking about him. Nothing feels the same. I feel so empty today. It's like I'm stuck feeling this way while life goes on around me, while he moves on... 1
fieldoflavender Posted July 27, 2017 Posted July 27, 2017 Aw hang in there, I think no contact is really the way to go. If they wanted to hear a happy birthday, they would contact you too. It'll get better. I keep thinking - what if he knew everything that I was going through - would he care? But I mean, he's not here right now right. So there is my answer. Sometimes I ask rhetorical questions, but the answer is staring me in the face. If he cared how I was doing - cared enough, he would ask. I would ask him if I cared enough - but I don't - at least not to create more pain for myself. So it's mutual that way I guess. 2
BryanSmiley Posted July 27, 2017 Posted July 27, 2017 (edited) I wished him a happy birthday. He thanked me and that was it. Not sure what I was expecting. I probably shouldn't have said anything to him, but I wanted him to know I held no animosity toward him. I feel sad, numb and broken. Cried driving home from work today. I miss him so much. Can't stop thinking about him. Nothing feels the same. I feel so empty today. It's like I'm stuck feeling this way while life goes on around me, while he moves on... Tricky one the whole birthday thing huh, you happy you did it - if nothing more to make the peace? My ex wished my happy bday a couple months back and I was on hol. It turned into a conversation and messed with my head. She said she wasn't sure whether to text but if reversed would want me to. It's hers in a week or so (only half sure of the date lol). Think I'm gonna leave it..if I'm strong enough. Trouble is I can see her thinking I'm being spiteful not returning the sentiment - then being off with me at work (occasionally see her). Edited July 27, 2017 by BryanSmiley 1
Stuck2532 Posted July 27, 2017 Posted July 27, 2017 Tricky one the whole birthday thing huh, you happy you did it - if nothing more to make the peace? My ex wished my happy bday a couple months back and I was on hol. It turned into a conversation and messed with my head. She said she wasn't sure whether to text but if reversed would want me to. It's hers in a week or so (only half sure of the date lol). Think I'm gonna leave it..if I'm strong enough. Trouble is I can see her thinking I'm being spiteful not returning the sentiment - then being off with me at work (occasionally see her). It's hard to forget it all. I skipped wishing her HB this year (May), although she texted me for mine last December. The smallest amount of contact messes with my head. It's such a crappy situation. I always (2-3 times a week, it seems) err on the side of no contact myself. Although, since we are all being honest, it feels awesome the first 20 seconds aftr she randomly texts me. Then I remember everything and the convo fizzles out after dry responses. It's such a weird "acquaintance" type of relationship - "how are you?" "good" "school? work?" "good". I feel like engaging any more than that could lead to me feeling crappy when the convo inevitably ends. If that is all that's left from months of heat and uncontrollable passion, then I would rather not even engage her at all. 1
JDPT Posted July 27, 2017 Posted July 27, 2017 I think i'm coping fairly ok today. I have my ups and downs but i know that that's totally normal. I need to embrace this roller coaster because i know that in time it'll get better. I need to keep working on myself and moving on from the relationship. The only difference this time around now is that I'm better prepared with the proper tools to make this whole process much easier for me. it's amazing how we have to go through the wringer to learn from our past experiences so that we can then gain the experience and use to our advantage. Life is a lesson, and i'm choosing to learn from it.
Amas5750 Posted July 27, 2017 Posted July 27, 2017 Moved stuff into my new rental. Felt surreal. Cried desperately a few hoirs pore the move.then pretty blank since. It was my last night sleeping in the house i tried to make a home. His heart wasnt in it for the last 6 months, i couldnt chamge it, so this was not a home God please help me be strong 2
JDPT Posted July 27, 2017 Posted July 27, 2017 We exchanged texts, I politely replied, live goes on, time to move on and time to be strong. I thank God for the strength he provides me with on a daily basis to continue on. 1
BryanSmiley Posted July 28, 2017 Posted July 28, 2017 It's hard to forget it all. I skipped wishing her HB this year (May), although she texted me for mine last December. The smallest amount of contact messes with my head. It's such a crappy situation. I always (2-3 times a week, it seems) err on the side of no contact myself. Although, since we are all being honest, it feels awesome the first 20 seconds aftr she randomly texts me. Then I remember everything and the convo fizzles out after dry responses. It's such a weird "acquaintance" type of relationship - "how are you?" "good" "school? work?" "good". I feel like engaging any more than that could lead to me feeling crappy when the convo inevitably ends. If that is all that's left from months of heat and uncontrollable passion, then I would rather not even engage her at all. Totally the same. I'm leaning towards not messing her HB, even though she did me and knowing she would rather we did. I just think it'll cause some ill feeling. I see her every couple of weeks briefly at work, most recently we walked 5 mins together and the convo was exactly how you describe. It is very hard indeed, I find it nigh on impossible to be 'indifferent' - don't know how some people do it. It's a head/heart f*ck every time. Fair play to you for handling it as best you can, do totally relate here. 1
Amas5750 Posted July 28, 2017 Posted July 28, 2017 First night in new house. Slept pretty well. He binge ate massively then got very drunk while i cried next to him and on his chest. He didnt cry cos he said he was trying to get numb. I cried intensely for multiple songs I guess im not 'coping' just 'forcing myself to do the right things' I have a new house now and golf lessons starting. Why doesnt it feel any good Part of me wants to be crying looking at him n part of ne realises he's sick and thats sick
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